AIBU to pretend I saw nothing?

(106 Posts)
Morgause Sun 13-Apr-14 09:54:47

We live on a lane just wide enough for 2 vehicles to pass each other. Also we live on a bend at the top of a hill. We 3 families who live in houses on the inside of the bend never park on either side of the road because houses lower down the hill cannot see if the road is clear to pull out. A few of times we have been asked by the police or support officers to move cars that are causing an obstruction outside our houses (we live near a school) but they haven't been ours. Also few years ago there was an accident lower down and we all received letters asking us not to park on the bend.

If cars are parked there it is also very difficult to get in and out of our drives.

Recently a man living 500 yards down the lane has bought himself a huge 4x4. He doesn't have the competence to park it on his drive without several attempts so has taken to leaving it outside our houses on the opposite side of the road - there are no houses opposite just school grounds. Our neighbour has asked him a few times not to but he pays his road tax and can park where he likes, he says. We have resisted talking to the police about it because that seems petty.

Anyway, last night as I was drawing our bedroom curtains I saw a visitor pulling out of next door's drive and he bashed into the 4X4. I heard the scrape. The driver (a friend of the son of NDN) drove off quickly. This morning I can see that the paintwork is badly scratched.

My inclination is to say nothing, even if asked. AIBU?

WandaDoff Sun 13-Apr-14 09:57:28

You were out last weren't you? wink

I wouldn't get involved. 4x4 owner sounds like an arse TBH, and it's up to the scraper to own up if he wants to..

Marylou62 Sun 13-Apr-14 09:59:05

I saw nothing!, Heard nothing! know nothing! Keep out of it!

But have a snigger every time you see the scrape.

Canus Sun 13-Apr-14 09:59:51

Normally I'd be happy to supply details of an accident I'd witnessed.

However, my policy when it comes to neighbours is to not say a word. About anything at all. Ever.

You are stuck with neighbours for a long time, and there is no knowing which of them will unexpectedly turn batshit.

You saw nothing, heard nothing, are utterly clueless, whichever neighbour asks.

That's my advice (devoid of any kind of moral compass, clearly!).

I wonder if he will now park on his drive. wink

Morgause Sun 13-Apr-14 10:00:44

Thank you. That's how I feel. The man is an arse.

BookFairy Sun 13-Apr-14 10:01:33

I wouldn't say anything either. Your neighbour knows that parking on the road causes an obstruction and sounds quite dangerous. Anyway, it was dark and who's to say it wasn't a passing vehicle wink

thebody Sun 13-Apr-14 10:01:36

Yep keep well out of it.

WhoNickedMyName Sun 13-Apr-14 10:01:52

I think you were maybe dreaming.

You saw nothing.

HannerHet Sun 13-Apr-14 10:03:14

Agree, say nothing

iklboo Sun 13-Apr-14 10:06:17

I'm sure that was the plot on Casual Holby City Oaks last night? Maybe you're thinking of that <whistles innocently>.

OldVikingDudeHidMyTubeSocks Sun 13-Apr-14 10:07:28

I wonder why he cocks up parking it on his drive. IME flash 4x4 are easier to park because of the fancy schmancy reversing cameras and what not.

But yes, don't say anything.

Has he seen it yet? Do come back and tell us his reaction! grin

PenguinBear Sun 13-Apr-14 10:08:49


MangoBiscuit Sun 13-Apr-14 10:11:11

Karma's a bitch. I wouldn't get in her way if I were you. grin

Morgause Sun 13-Apr-14 10:14:36

His house was built in the 1930s and has quite a narrow drive with a bit of a bend - all our houses do.

Wasn't watching BBC last night, I gave up on Casualty many years ago, was happily watch QI repeats on Dave, as usual.

If you have doubts about my honesty an advanced search will show I have posted about parking in our lane before, recently about pavement parking obstructing those with prams, wheelchairs and the partially sighted.

Ilovexmastime Sun 13-Apr-14 10:16:20

I wouldn't say anything, it serves him right. He was warned.

SybilRamkin Sun 13-Apr-14 10:16:29

Has he seen it yet? Do come back and tell us his reaction!


Morgause Sun 13-Apr-14 10:18:10

I may have been lurking in the front room more than usual but I haven't seen him yet.

Morgause Sun 13-Apr-14 10:18:54

Thinking about it, I'd probably have heard him - he's a bit of a boomer.

foslady Sun 13-Apr-14 10:18:59

You did say something - you warned him. What has happened now is consequence, wipe your hands of it and you wete watching QI.....

CloverHeart Sun 13-Apr-14 10:24:22

YANBU! Sounds like e utterly deserves it grin

CloverHeart Sun 13-Apr-14 10:26:30


andsmile Sun 13-Apr-14 10:33:59

say nothing, natural justice, he may think twice about parking there. police arnt going to be sympathetic if they've previously sent letters out.

the 4x4 man sounds like a baffoon.

notadoglikernevermindlover Sun 13-Apr-14 10:44:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EvaBeaversProtege Sun 13-Apr-14 10:46:53

Say nothing

Morgause Sun 13-Apr-14 10:47:38

I don't feel inclined to after having so much agreement here, tbh. He didn't do the right thing by parking considerately.

jerryfudd Sun 13-Apr-14 10:54:20

I wouldn't say a word either

Acky123 Sun 13-Apr-14 10:55:19

I'd tell him. He might be an arse, but your NDN's son's friend was totally in the wrong for driving away.

What I'm struggling to understand is why are the police writing letters to tell you not to park there when they should be getting the council to paint double yellow lines on the road? That's bizarre in itself.

If there are no lines, then nobody can stop you parking there.

CuntyBunty Sun 13-Apr-14 10:58:37

Don't say a word.

Poetic justice.

cees Sun 13-Apr-14 10:58:43

He deserved it, stay quiet and watch for his reaction on seeing his stupid parking rewarded.

notadoglikernevermindlover Sun 13-Apr-14 10:59:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notadoglikernevermindlover Sun 13-Apr-14 10:59:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HandragsNGladbags Sun 13-Apr-14 11:04:01

I wouldn't say anything. I would also try and get double yellows painted on the road.

Coconutty Sun 13-Apr-14 11:05:00

You know nothing.

candycoatedwaterdrops Sun 13-Apr-14 11:08:40

YANBU! Karma, baby!

Scrounger Sun 13-Apr-14 11:08:45

Agree Coconutty - love the phrase.

He has said that he has the right to park where he likes, so he has to take the risk that goes with that.

Alternatively he should drive a car that he can park on his drive.

You'd be quite justified in not getting involved.

Morgause Sun 13-Apr-14 11:17:07

We've been campaigning for the zigzags for the school gate to be extended or for double yellow lines for ages.

The problem is the school and the parents who park all over the place at picking up time. If they didn't park in our lane they'd be parking along the main road and we think that is what the council are trying to avoid. They'd still park there if there were double yellows because they park on the zigzags anyway.

It is illegal to park in such a way as to cause an obstruction, according to the police, even without lines.

MrsGWay Sun 13-Apr-14 11:17:17

If there are no lines, then nobody can stop you parking there.

This is not true, you cannot park where it endangers others, lines or no! If he was parked there and a serious accident occurred he could be charged by the police.

ilovesooty Sun 13-Apr-14 11:25:27

Not going out of your way to volunteer information is one thing. I think refusing to give it if you're asked is another. Driving away from the scene of an accident and failing to report is an offence.

Scrounger Sun 13-Apr-14 11:29:39

ilovesooty, I agree that driving away and failing to report is an offence but I don't see how that applies here. I think it just relates to if a person is involved in an accident.

It's in the highway code, isn't it? Don't park on a bend because it is dangerous. There aren't double yellow lines on all bends because there shouldn't need to be - the rules are already there.

Don't get involved unless you are asked. I doubt the guy will come and ask you if you saw anything anyway, unless he is very stupid. He must know he was wrong to park there and in reality unless you are known to spend hours looking out of your window, what are the chances that you would have seen anything anyway? Pretty slim, I would have thought.

If he does ask it is harder not to say anything - difficult to lie. I would just be vague. Yes, you did see a car, no you don't know who it was which is true. You don't know the visitor.

ilovesooty Sun 13-Apr-14 11:33:20

It does apply Scrounger If you damage a parked car and drive away you have in law been involved in an accident and failed to report, for which you can be prosecuted.

Scrounger Sun 13-Apr-14 11:35:02

Yes ilovesooty I'm not disputing that but that relates only to the driver, not to any witnesses so it doesn't apply to the OP. Sorry, the 'if a' should be a 'to the' in my earlier post.

Say nothing, it's the bad Parker 's fault. Started kindle keeps putting a capital P there have given up trying to remove!

Morgause Sun 13-Apr-14 11:37:14

I was wondering what to say if he asked. Our sitting room/TV room is in the back so I was thinking I could say we always sit in the back of the house in the evenings.

Evasive but not an outright lie.

Still no sign of him. DH has been out the front mowing the lawn for half an hour so was available to be asked if car-owner turned up.

The driver of the other car is probably only a sixth former, a friend of the lad next door. Not in a position to fork out for repairs.

I'm justifying not saying anything, I know, but this arse has been asked not to park there and virtually stuck 2 fingers up at us all.

cankles Sun 13-Apr-14 11:40:00

maybe give this one a by-ball as it sounds like it could then cause trouble with ndn(?) - discretion on this occasion but review it if you notice it or anything similar happening again.

DiseasesOfTheSheep Sun 13-Apr-14 11:46:19

YABU to have given up on Casualty, 'this comedy gold these days grin

DiseasesOfTheSheep Sun 13-Apr-14 11:47:31

Fecksake. Am not illiterate, honest.

"It is comedy gold these days"

Thanks, iPad...

notadoglikernevermindlover Sun 13-Apr-14 11:56:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TittyMcFartyFlaps Sun 13-Apr-14 12:03:55

Jesus can't believe the busybodies saying tell him.
He's an arse, he got what he deserved, end of.

ilovesooty Sun 13-Apr-14 12:04:40

If he's a sixth former he'll be insured.

ExcuseTypos Sun 13-Apr-14 12:04:52

OP If he asks you if you saw anything say no and add "I suppose if you park on a narrow bend, you are going to get hit occasionally" then add a little smile for good measure.

If he continues to park there, I'd phone 101, tell them he parks on a narrow bend and ask their advice. I'm positive it's illegal to park in such a position.

TheNewSchmoo Sun 13-Apr-14 12:05:54

I'm inclined to agree with Notadog

The fact he can't afford repairs should stand as a lesson that actions gave responsibilities.

That said I would have to be truthful if asked. I wouldn't volunteer the information though.

TheNewSchmoo Sun 13-Apr-14 12:06:10

Have not gave

ilovesooty Sun 13-Apr-14 12:07:38

I'm not advocating telling the car owner but I would tell the police if and only ifI got a visit.
I'd be inclined to tip off the neighbour to give the lad a chance to report it himself if he hasn't done so.

Rhine Sun 13-Apr-14 12:27:02

Say nothing.

Tiptops Sun 13-Apr-14 12:38:04


Regardless of your feelings towards 4x4 owner his vehicle has been damaged and the other driver has illegally sped off. Why should he be put to such expense when it was your other neighbours incompetence that caused the damage? By the way, if you hit a stationery vehicle it is still 100% your liability, even if the other vehicle was parked on double yellows/ illegally.

It is bad karma for 4x4 driver and hopefully this will teach him to park on his own drive, but if you really do believe in karma I hope your vehicle isn't damaged anonymously by the neighbours or anyone else in the future.

It sends out a terrible message to the other driver if he thinks he can commit a crime and get off scot free. It's unbelievable that people will damage someone else's car and think it's acceptable to dodge all responsibility. He may not have the funds for repairs, however that's why we all have insurance.

I don't think this is a difficult call OP. Put yourself in the shoes of 4x4 owner, how would you feel?

I would assume the OP would have a hard time putting herself in the 4 x 4 driver's shoes since she wouldn't have parked illegally nor stuck up a metaphorical 2 fingers to her neighbours.

If it were me putting myself in his shoes, I would be thinking that I took a chance parking illegally, I would just have to put with it. However, the kind of mentality that parks like that, even when told not to by several different people, including the police, is not likely to think like that. I am sure he will be as mad as hell and won't get the fact that he has any responsibility for this but I can't feel terribly sorry for him myself.

Wuxiapian Sun 13-Apr-14 12:56:17


I wouldn't say anything and would inwardly smile to myself.

Amytheflag Sun 13-Apr-14 12:59:37

I normally would say tell but wouldn't in this case. Not because he's an arse or deserves it but what someone said further above about having to live with these neighbours for a long time. The drama and being dragged into it would be annoying especially if it damaged relations forever.

Janethegirl Sun 13-Apr-14 13:11:13

I'd say nothing too, he chose to park on a narrow lane on a bend when he could have parked elsewhere. He may learn.....or not!!

Pipbin Sun 13-Apr-14 13:20:54

I too would say nothing.
I know it is wrong to drive away from an accident like that but you don't owe him any favours. I get on well with my neighbours and would tell them, but he is an arse. I certainly wouldn't volunteer the information, I'm not sure if he asked outright.

In this situation, I think YANBU not to volunteer the information to this inconsiderate arse, Morgause. I think, if he asks you directly if you saw anything, you have to be honest - but you don't have to tell him your suspicions about who was driving - unless you know for sure who was driving, it wouldn't be right to throw suspicion on someone who might be innocent. Say yes, you saw another car hit his, but you didnt see the number plate, and only got a brief glance at the car, so can't tell him much about it.

I might talk to the lad I thought was driving (or his parents, maybe) and say that if it was him, he should own up to causing the damage, because if the arsehole works out it was him (the other car will have visible damage too, and arsehole could see it and put two and two together), he could get nasty and report him to the police for leaving the scene of an accident, but if he owns up and pays for the repairs, the arsehole has less justification for getting nasty.

BookABooSue Sun 13-Apr-14 13:31:21

You don't have to get involved but tbh I think it's rubbish that the person who caused the scratch just drove off. Part of driving is taking responsibility and regardless of what I thought of 4X4s, I wouldn't be gleeful to discover there's yet another a driver on the road who thinks he/she can just drive off after scratching another vehicle.

I agree - which is another good reason to have a word in the lad's ear.

Andrewofgg Sun 13-Apr-14 13:46:09

Be the fourth wise monkey. See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil, and piss yourself laughing

She doesn't know the boy though. She will have to get the other neighbour involved since it was him the boy was visiting. I'm not saying she shouldn't but it will be more difficult to say nothing if other neighbours are brought into it It could all turn very nasty, couldn't it?

ilovesooty Sun 13-Apr-14 13:56:45

The neighbours he was visiting can at least advise him to report it in case he ends up in trouble. The OP needn't get involved any further as it's his call bother and if he reports it himself it would be less likely for the OP to end up with a police visit.

ilovesooty Sun 13-Apr-14 13:57:28

his call then

I had missed the update where the OP said the other driver was a friend of the next door neighbour's son. But actually that might make it easier to speak to the neighbours about it - "I'm sorry, but I think your son's friend hit Arsehole-neighbour's car when he drove away the other night, and drove off - do you think so done should suggest he owns up before A-N realises it was him? Even though A-N got what he deserved, for parking there?"

dancingnancy Sun 13-Apr-14 14:03:12

Say nothing, it could all get quite messy with you in the middle. If he wasn't an asshole I might say differently.

NearTheWindymill Sun 13-Apr-14 14:08:30

1. If you can afford a 4x4 you can afford to have your driveway extended.
2. If you park in such a place you should be aware of the risk of damage.
3. He probably won't park there again so that's a little solution.
4. Tell the other neighbour that you saw what happened but don't wish to interfere but leave it with them to speak to the boy and make sure he knows there was a witness so he has the opportunity to do the right thing.
5. Beyond that, I would worry too much 4x4 man probably has a protected no claims which allows him to claim every couple of years and won't be silly enough to park there again.

Personally, I'd do nothing because I was watching TV at the back and didn't see or hear anything. What day was it again did you say; not certain we were even in.

Morgause Sun 13-Apr-14 14:27:00

Bit of an update. Neighbour (Harry) the other side was just chatting to DH over the fence. Harry caught the arse neighbour in their drive looking at their cars, presumably for signs of damage. When Harry asked him what he was doing he said just looking because he was thinking of buying one similar. Presumably he's been up and down the lane looking at all our cars. DH told Harry he had noticed damage to arse neighbour's car this morning when mowing the lawn.

Harry says it serves him right and he's being a bit sneaky looking at cars and should just ask. Harry's a big bugger, though, so I wouldn't ask him.

I've decided that silence is definitely golden. The lad may come clean himself, or his parents may make him. I'm staying out of it.

picnicbasketcase Sun 13-Apr-14 14:31:42

There's no such thing as road tax anyway so I don't know why he would think he has paid to park wherever he likes (pedant)

AndHarry Sun 13-Apr-14 14:36:19

I've had my car badly dented by a neighbour, with witnesses who told me what happened (neighbour denied all knowledge hmm). I've also watch someone trying to park outside my house and repeatedly bang into someone else's car so taken photos and told the owner of the damaged vehicle.

Victim/good neighbour credentials established, in this instance I would stay well out of it.

Mothergothel99 Sun 13-Apr-14 14:37:34

Don't get involved. I witnessed a minor crime, ended up with a nutter threatening me at home.

Say nothing and feel relieved he won't park there again.

RedFocus Sun 13-Apr-14 14:43:05

I wouldn't volunteer the info but I would if asked.
I am concerned about the lad who did it though because there will be evidence on his car and if he comes round and the 4x4 owner figures it out he may turn violent towards the lad and I would feel awful.
Perhaps tell the the neighbours who's son he is friends with and let them deal with it because the lad really shouldn't be able to get away with hitting someone's car regardless of who's it is.

Zucker Sun 13-Apr-14 16:03:45

Silence is golden in this case I think. Laughing at the image of him playing detectice by looking at all the cars for damage evidence.

Oldraver Sun 13-Apr-14 16:37:50

Well if he asks just say "well yes thats why we dont park there, we did try to warn you"

RaRa1988 Sun 13-Apr-14 19:26:13

I'd keep very quiet and hope the bloke's learned his lesson now. Arrogant twat - he's been proved wrong now I hope!

MsDiddlyQuaQua Sun 13-Apr-14 20:32:58

Keep schtum, nothing to tell.
People are too precious about cars. It's an object to get you from a to b. A paint scratch doesn't stop him doing that, nor will it fail him his MOT. It is an unreasonable expectation to leave something on a public highway and expect it to continue being in showroom condition ad infinitum.
Even if the young lad 'fesses up out of politeness I wouldn't expect him to pay anything for a paint scratch. It's part of normal wear and tear just as stone chipping marks are. If it upsets the guy, he can get rid of a paint scratch easy enough with a bit of elbow grease and not park there again.
If it were a dent however, or a bumper hanging off that's a different matter. On second thoughts, I'd keep your head down on that as well.

RedRoom Sun 13-Apr-14 21:00:26

So he's noticed the damage, but is his car still there? It's no good if he's learned nothing!

Bogeyface Sun 13-Apr-14 21:07:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bogeyface Sun 13-Apr-14 21:08:01

Although for some reason, there is a picture of a naked woman in the top spot hmm

Bogeyface Sun 13-Apr-14 21:11:34

You know what? Forget that website.

It used to be fine but is now full of pictures of women dogging. Its horrible sad

It should be

rollonthesummer Sun 13-Apr-14 21:17:13

Is his car still parked there, OP?

Morgause Sun 13-Apr-14 21:27:18

It's not there now. It isn't in his drive either.

It's at the dealer having the dent knocked out. <arf>

Bogeyface Sun 13-Apr-14 21:29:44

He's probably trading it in for a smartcar as we speak!

Sorry for the link above, I have reported it to MN to get it removed blush

Euphemia Sun 13-Apr-14 22:04:29

When did youparklikeacunt turn into a tits & fanny fest? confused

CuntyBunty Sun 13-Apr-14 22:08:28

Do you have something to share with us Bogey? wink

Pipbin Sun 13-Apr-14 22:10:25

Its the wrong 'youparklikeacunt'.
I follow them on twitter and they are still happily posting pictures of people being cunts rather than actual cunts.

AchyFox Mon 14-Apr-14 00:07:03

Do you think the Harry's visitor did it deliberately or was drunk ?

maddening Mon 14-Apr-14 00:20:01

Campaign for that portion of road to be marked as double yellows

Bogeyface Mon 14-Apr-14 00:35:38

the uk site used to be ok, but the last time I looked at it was ages ago. Clearly since then it has changed its remit somewhat hmm

Rather embarrassed! Make sure you use the .com site!

Morgause Mon 14-Apr-14 06:55:21

Harry is the neighbour on the other side, sorry if I misled. The lad visiting next door was unlikely to have been drunk. Very few young drivers seem to drink and drive, from the ones I know. The father of the lad he was visiting wouldn't allow them to drink if they were driving.

I can see the car is in the drive this morning. So arse has learned a lesson, maybe.

LettertoHermioneGranger Mon 14-Apr-14 07:08:19

I don't think you're under an obligation to get involved, and it may not be wise, so far as volunteering information.

However, no matter whether the neighbor is an arse or not, that does not justify that the lad performing a hit and run. That's inexcusable. And I think morally you shouldn't lie or evade if asked.

TheFarceAndTheSpurious Mon 14-Apr-14 09:07:55

You'd think he would be able to work out the house from the angle of the dent.

Bogeyface Mon 14-Apr-14 09:11:36

Isnt it amazing what people suddenly find they can do when they need to? Things that had previously been deemed impossible are now doable because it will cost them otherwise!

I agree that the OP shouldnt lie if asked directly, but frankly a scrape is the least of what could have happened to this car, he could have been directly responsible for a very nasty accident with his shit parking. He has learned his lesson hopefully, and hopefully so has the young lad and will be more careful in future.

Charlieboo30 Mon 14-Apr-14 09:21:42

I'm in two minds over this one. On the one hand, he's parked dangerously and this will probably teach him a lesson.

On the other, it's property that he has paid money for and I'd be extremely annoyed if this happened to me and the other person drove off. If the OP 'heard the scrape' then it's going to be bad, not just a little scuff. Little scuffs you expect but not if it's taken half the paint off! As someone who has just been quoted £500 to repair a stone chip on their paintwork (quite deep and dented) it's not going to be a cheap job!

I think I wouldn't go out of my way to see him but if he asked, I wouldn't lie.

Morgause Mon 14-Apr-14 09:45:05

If I saw a pram or wheelchair or mobility scooter scape a car parked on the pavement leaving very little room to pass I'd say nothing because the driver shouldn't park on the pavement. I feel the same way about this.

He's unlikely to ask me anyway we aren't even on nodding terms.

AchyFox Mon 14-Apr-14 12:17:08

Why doesn't he just park it across his own drive ?

Morgause Mon 14-Apr-14 12:27:32

His wife wouldn't be able to get her car out without him moving it if he did that.

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