To be anoyed that my midwife likened giving up breastfeeding whilst pregnant to giving up smoking whilst pregnant?

(48 Posts)
ikeaismylocal Sat 05-Apr-14 21:28:32

I'm 10 weeks pregnant and ds is 15 months old. I have no issues with my pregnancy, iron levels fine, no history of early labour.

I went in for my first midwife appointment this week and all was going fine until I mentioned that I was still breastfeeding ds.

The midwife said I really must stop and he will be terribly jellous whilst the newborn feeds and he will steal all the newborn's milk.

She contradicted herself as she said the advice on breastfeeding was to exclusively bf until 6 months and then bf alongside other food up to 24 months, she said that advice didn't apply to me as I was pregnant.

She said that it was best if I stopped breastfeeding and I had to see it like giving up a bad habit for the best of the baby, she said it was just like giving up smoking (I have never smoked so I have no idea about giving up smoking)

I have looked into feeding whilst pregnant and I have mostly found positive stories. I know there is a chance ds will self wean and I know that if my pregnancy becomes high risk I might need to stop, but I can't see any reason to stop now.

AIBU that she likened breastfeeding to a bad habbit such as smoking? It made me feel like she thought that it was something I did to fufill a selfish need.

moondog Sat 05-Apr-14 21:30:45

Jesus Christ.
I am speechless at such appalling stupidity.
What an idiot.
I'd have it out with her next time.
You know don't you that you are absolutely fine to carry on as long as you and only you and your children want to carry on , don't you?

SantanaLopez Sat 05-Apr-14 21:31:18

A midwife? You didn't walk into, say, an office or the Daily Fail HQ??? God. You poor thing.

CaptChaos Sat 05-Apr-14 21:32:39

The midwife is a twat.


KatAndKit Sat 05-Apr-14 21:33:12

I would report that to the supervisor of midwives, it is shocking advice. Your toddler may well self wean as your milk changes back to colostrum later on but there is no need for you to hurry him to wean if you are happy to continue. Referring to feeding your child as a bad habit is appalling.

JacqueslePeacock Sat 05-Apr-14 21:34:00

WTF? I would report this idiocy.

KirstyJC Sat 05-Apr-14 21:35:06

She is talking complete and utter crap! I BF when pregnant and yes DS2 did self wean when I was about 4 months pregnant, but I know other women who continued and successfully tandem fed both a newborn and a toddler. No problems with jealousy at all!

I would complain to her manager tbh - she is giving incorrect advice. Thankfully it sounds like you know that and will do what you think is best anyway, but some people might believe her.

Giveme5minutes Sat 05-Apr-14 21:36:03

It scares the shit out of me that there appears to be so many ill informed midwives out there!

mumof5plusazoo Sat 05-Apr-14 21:38:47

That's awful. If you still want to feed then do I am pregnent with my 6th child and I have continued breast feeding all of my baby's whilst pregnent with our next addition to the family. All of mine have stopped when they wanted to at some point in the pregnency as the milk changes and they didn't like it anymore.
You do what works for you and your family.
Good luck with your pregnency and I suggest you request a different midwife.

Namelessonsie Sat 05-Apr-14 21:40:19

Crap. Join the tandem feeding Facebook group if you want to talk to other mothers.

Currently feeding dd1 31 months and dd2 5 months. No issues other than some nursing aversion while feeding the toddler. Which is totally normal as well while pregnant Incidently if you get that?

It is also very normal for the toddler to feed loads when the milk comes in, for a few weeks, then gradually drop down yo previous amounts.

Complain. I wAs lucky in that I had very supportive midwives and health visitors. Which is as it should be.

ikeaismylocal Sat 05-Apr-14 21:43:01

Glad I'm not bu!

I think I will just not mention it in future, it only came up in conversation because she asked me how ds slept and I said much better after we night weaned him.

She seemed otherwise nice and I only have to see her a few times.

My ds has just started nursery and I feel that at them moment breastfeeding is really important to him, I don't want to just stop. We havn't even had my 12 week scan yet, there is no saying there is actually a baby in there!

Unimaginativecow Sat 05-Apr-14 21:44:06

You can request to change midwife. I did in my last pregnancy because I lost faith in what my midwife was telling me. Congratulations on your pregnancy smile

SuiGeneris Sat 05-Apr-14 21:44:08

What an idiot. Do report her to the supervisor of midwives as it shows she needs to improve her understanding of infant feeding.

I had the "you must give up now you are pregnant" thing from a gynaecologist I was seeing for something unrelated but the other three consultant obgyns I saw during my second pregnancy were all very supportive of breastfeeding while pregnant- one even shared that his wife has tandem fed all three of their children (only 2 at a time).
I was aiming for tandem feeding but had to wean at 23 weeks' pregnant as once the milk had turned to colostrum the vigorous sucking and fussing were too painful...

thebody Sat 05-Apr-14 21:46:36

So you are 10 weeks pregnant but then there is no saying if there is a baby in there

Not really understanding you or your midwife both sound confused. grin

RufusTheReindeer Sat 05-Apr-14 21:48:10

Agree midwife does not know what she is talking about

Having said that I was told by a "friend" that the reason I miscarried my second was because I was still breast feeding my first..made me feel it was my fault and that I'd killed my baby

Perfectly fine to breastfeed while pregnant, masses of people tandem feed

ikeaismylocal Sat 05-Apr-14 21:52:19

the body I ment that there is no saying there is a healthy baby in there, my sister experienced a missed miscarriage recently so I'm trying to think realistically that there is a chance that there won't be a wiggling fetus to look at when we go for our scan, although hopefully all will be well.

Sleepgrumpydopey Sat 05-Apr-14 21:55:11

silly question but doesn't breast feeding cause the uterus to contract? Could this be harmful when pregnant?

KateSpade Sat 05-Apr-14 22:04:39

Did she realise you have two breasts? Coincidence?

I don't know a lot about breast feeding but, so excuse me if this is stupid, but could you not sort of 'allocate' a breast to your eldest and explain to him that is his food, to prevent jealousy if it happens?

Also, i saw a doctor when i was a few weeks pregnant who said he didn't mind if i carried on smoking, if i stopped drinking. He said, if you were to give up on, it'd be the alcohol, I'm not to bothered about the smoking! hmm

Oh my giddy Aunt. Your baby is only 15mo!!!
What a fool.

OxfordBags Sat 05-Apr-14 22:10:58

Women have breastfed their existing child/ren whilst pregant and tandem-fed since the dawn of time. What a load of bollocks, it doesn't make any sense whatsoever, ffs.

LongPieceofString Sat 05-Apr-14 22:16:28

FWIW I bf DC1 while pg with DC2 until approx 7 months pregnant.

Children are now 9 and 7 years old and do not appear to be massively damaged by this terrible start to their lives ;)

And people with twins never breastfeed hmm /end sarcasm
I would just "smile and nod and nod and smile" and feed DS for as long as you want.

thebody Sat 05-Apr-14 23:38:19

Gotcha op ok hope the scan is ok and all fine.

Your midwife sounds crazy! Report her and changebt

thebody Sat 05-Apr-14 23:38:58

Bugger iPhone!! Report her and can you change.

Her advice is daft.

bobot Sat 05-Apr-14 23:44:56

sleepdopeygrumpy - breastfeeding in pregnancy here, and have looked into that one! Towards the end of the third trimester, nipple stimulation can cause the uterus to contract. Highly unlikely to induce labour in a body not ripe for labour. Biut earlier in pregnancy the uterus has fewer oxytocin receptors, so this is even less likely to be a problem - so I read!!

OOAOML Sat 05-Apr-14 23:49:50

There are two years and 4 months between my children. DD was still on several feeds a day when I got pregnant with DS - she very quickly dropped to morning and bedtime feeds (so I'm assuming there was a change in the milk) then dropped the morning feed. Eventually I weaned her off the bedtime feed when I was about 7 months pregnant, but that was mainly because I was uncomfortable with it - it used to set off Braxton Hicks - and I had two evenings a week when I was out at her bedtime and she was happy to go to sleep without it.

Provided you aren't malnourished, there's no reason not to continue, and I'm shocked that a midwife would tell you to stop.

KittyAndTheFontanelles Sat 05-Apr-14 23:50:13


I fed throughout my pregnancy and am currently tandem feeding a 13week old and a nearly 2.5 year old. No problems, no issues, no HPs suggested I should stop at any point.

...and congratulations!

QueenArseClangers Sat 05-Apr-14 23:54:19

Jesus! What an unprofessional woman.
I tandem fed two of my kids (2 year age gap) for nearly 3 years and I was donating to the milk bank too.
They have a fantastic bond and there was no jealousy whatsoever. I'd highly recommend the book Adventures in Tandem Feeding.
Congratulations on your pregnancy.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Sat 05-Apr-14 23:55:25

My friend tandem fed with no problems whatsoever !

Finney2 Sat 05-Apr-14 23:55:39

I wish it had caused my bloody uterus to contract. Was feeding DS1 all through pregnancy number 2 and DS2 was 14 days late.

Carried on feeding two of them for another year and DS1 finally weaned just after his 3rd birthday. DS2 is still trucking away aged 17 months. I don't even enjoy bloody breastfeeding.

In t'olden days my great granny breastfed 6 kids in a row and at one point was feeding 3 of them. She was only 7 stone wet through herself so lord knows where she found the energy. She did though.

Ignore your midwife's advice on feeding. This is what women do. It works. Don't mess with it if you don't need to.

Also, I've lost 4 stone twice in 3 years from BFing so, every cloud!

pigsDOfly Sun 06-Apr-14 00:07:10

Tandem fed my youngest two - 2 years and 8 months between them - although it was only a pre bed feed for the older one by the time the youngest was born. Older one gave it up quite naturally after a few months when I asked her if she'd mind stopping.

Didn't seem to do either of them any harm. Youngest is now nearly 27 and 6 months pregnant herself.

Oh, and she was 10 days late. So obviously didn't cause my uterus to contract either.

C3P0 Sun 06-Apr-14 01:34:24

Worth reporting. Clearly not comparable to smoking, which is (apart from malnutrition) probably the number one global health problem in pregnancy

NatashaBee Sun 06-Apr-14 01:39:50

YANBU, your midwife is an idiot. Your understanding and expectations sound right to me.

Idocrazythings Sun 06-Apr-14 01:44:07

I think you should report her too, as that is dreadful advice and I shudder to think what other (mis)information she is giving out. She needs serious re-education You could just write it in a letter and give it to the manager. Or even ring up, and speak to the manager on the phone that is less confronting.

Idocrazythings Sun 06-Apr-14 01:52:06

Also. Don't stress yourself about giving up, if you don't want to, your milk flavour will change as the pregnancy progresses, your 15mo may actually self wean, and if she doesn't it doesn't matter as the breasts will make the milk suitable to the needs of the new baby so the baby won't miss out. Some people let baby feed first then toddler gets left overs, but you will quickly find what works for you.

As long as you don't have a history of extremely preterm birth then you are fine to continues as you are

KittyAndTheFontanelles Sun 06-Apr-14 05:00:59

Yep, my son was two weeks late and had to be induced twice so no fear of a prematurely contracting uterus there either. grin

She needs reporting I'm afraid.

Amy106 Sun 06-Apr-14 07:51:20

shock Ignore her advice, report her and get a new midwife. She's clearly not up to the job.

ikeaismylocal Sun 06-Apr-14 08:05:18

Ds1 was 10 days late, and 10 pounds, maybe I will sarcastically tell her I'm hoping breastfeeding whilst pregnant will make this baby on time and average sized;)

Squiglettsmummy2bx Sun 06-Apr-14 08:38:29

My son turned 2 in February & is still feeding & I am 30 weeks pregnant. My supply dwindled a little & at the moment I have serious feeding aversion that makes my toes curl a little, my breasts are soooooo sensitive but he loves his boobalahs & I think weaning him now then the new baby having them so soon will breed much more resentment than them sharing.
What a ridiculous thing for your midwife to say hmm

Hazchem Sun 06-Apr-14 08:41:43

The midwife sounds like a dick. If you have the energy maybe make a complaint to her supervisor as she obviously needs some training. Hope you don;t have to see her again

ConcreteElephant Sun 06-Apr-14 09:18:11

Oh dear, what poor advice - I can't imagine what other gems she might have for first-time Mums who may be less aware of pregnancy and childbirth.

I was still breastfeeding DD when I got pregnant with DS (she was about 15 months), we were down to breakfast and evening as I was back at work and she did self-wean when she was 19 months. As PP have mentioned/ experienced, this may have been on the cards anyway or down to changes in my milk. Either way, it was a natural end which DD was totally happy with.

DS arrival and breastfeeding prompted no sudden desire on DD's part to return to the breast, nor was there any feeding-related jealousy.

I think I'd report her comments - she could use some refresher training.

Booboostoo Sun 06-Apr-14 10:14:54

Awful advice. I hope you complain OP for the sake of other women who get to hear the same rubbish but don't have the courage to question it.

I am 17wks pregnant and still bf 3yo DD. My supply has lower but still fine. I am on an FB group of women bfing older children and there are loads of examples of bf during pregnancy, as well as tandem feeding (very cute photos).

Kellymom says that bf during pregnancy produces oxytocin and may cause contractions but so do other things like having sex. It also suggests that the cellular structure of the womb changes at 37wks as it prepares for birth and that is when oxytocin plays a role in birthing contractions.

NeedsAsockamnesty Sun 06-Apr-14 10:40:25

Please complain about her. God knows who else she is advising like this.

I'm currently feeding a 2yo and a 5 month old. My littlest was induced early (nothing to do with bf) and every midwife and doctor we came into contact with has said it was the extended bf that kept us out of NICU.because right from the start loads of milk was there.

They could have just been making it up to give me a boost but they all seamed genuine

cloggal Sun 06-Apr-14 10:50:18

Please do report this, it's utter stupidity and a very hurtful analogy. Congratulations thanks

MissDuke Sun 06-Apr-14 11:03:55

I urge you to please speak you the supervisor of midwives, you may have a leaflet with contact details or it might be available of the trust's website. This midwife clearly needs her bf knowledge updating, so please do it for the sake of other women that she will give this crap advice to. The most recent bf research emphasises the importance of 'extended' bf and the benefit that the close physical contact it creates with the mother gives (unlike bottle fed babies who are often passed round to everyone to have a turn feeding). Close bonding with a parent actually reduced the likelihood of the child being jealous, because they are confident they have a secure attachment.

OohOod Sun 06-Apr-14 11:25:02

I'd report as it's such bad advice.

I had the PN midwife bringing students to see me as it was novel someone tandem feeding nowadays!

happylittlevegemites Sun 06-Apr-14 13:02:42

Hi OP, I'm exactly the same as you! V interesting reading everyone's comments. I've found that either I've had less milk or ds is going off it. Actually I'm hoping he self weans sometime before the baby arrives as I'll most likely have a c-section and don't want a squirming toddler against the wound. Mind you, if he's still feeding, it would hopefully mean that I wouldn't have the same problems with milk not coming in!

Last time i had incredibly painful boobs during the first second trimester which I haven't so far this time and wonder if bf is partly to do with this.

quietbatperson Sun 06-Apr-14 13:52:44

I breastfed through pregnancy too, and looked in to the risks. As far as I could tell, bfing in pregnancy was only contraindicated if you have a history of miscarriages or have a twin/multiple pregnancy. Your DC may wean anyway, or you may choose to wean during pregnancy if things get too sore, but that should be up to you and/or your nursling. I found tandem feeding DS1 and DS2 was a lovely bonding thing for the both of them, and DS1 used to stroke DS2's head when they were feeding at the same time smile I think it actually helped reduce jealousy as DS1 wasn't watching DS2 nurse with envy.

Comparing bfing to smoking is just utterly bafflingly stupid.

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