Wedding anniversary party and present

(76 Posts)
HarlotOTara Tue 25-Mar-14 21:16:34

Dh and I have been invited to a 10th wedding anniversary party. I was thinking of giving a card and a tin of beans - as a joke as 10th is tin I think. Dh brought home the invite which has a poem asking for money instead of presents so they can go away for the weekend.

Aibu to think this is a cheek and rather crass?

They've asked for presents? shock

Cheeky buggers. Wedding requests don't bother me at all but this is stupid. It would actually put me off going at all.

Musicaltheatremum Tue 25-Mar-14 21:20:06

What a cheek! What are people coming to? I like your idea.
Bring a bottle or a dish is one thing but money is outrageous. My husband and I had 50th parties over the last 2 and a half years and for his people brought small things and booze and for mine I said no present but charity donations if wanted. Several people brought me small things and lots of booze.

TwixTime Tue 25-Mar-14 21:28:11

Is it just me or are friends getting more expensive to gave these days?!

HarlotOTara Tue 25-Mar-14 21:35:19

My dh doesn't want go now. I have no intention of giving money.

Here is the poem:

Our married life has already begun,
Ten years of adventures already done
We do have everything under the sun (don't need more then! )
So we both thought we would make a suggestion
To save you from all the searching and guessing
We would love a weekend away for some fun

A small sum popped in a card,
And placed into our Moneybox,
Any amount would be appreciated
Now that we have saved you all the fuss
We can't wait for you to celebrate with us!

Bloody awful poem - that alone would stop me doing as they want. They seem a nice couple although I don't know them very well - dh knows the bloke

GiveTwoSheets Tue 25-Mar-14 21:37:34

Seriously people do this kind of bollocks? I'm embarrassed just reading the poem

ENormaSnob Tue 25-Mar-14 21:40:08

That is ridiculously cheeky.

lessonsintightropes Tue 25-Mar-14 21:41:43

I'm not cheap when it comes to wedding presents and don't mind a cash contribution (poems make me boak though) such as a contribution towards the honeymoon.

But... I don't even send anyone an anniversary card, let alone buy them a gift. None of my older siblings celebrate theirs any other way than privately, and even my parents just gave each other a card and went for a meal rather than inviting/involving us in it, so it just seems strange to invite other people to give you a gift. I totally get parties - but if I ever hosted one it would be catered with drink/BYOB with absolutely no presents expected and would TBH flabbergasted to receive one.

Celticlassie Tue 25-Mar-14 21:42:57

Why the hell do people seem to believe that asking for money in poetry is less greedy? wink

pluCaChange Tue 25-Mar-14 21:43:35

Yuck. I can understand a "pome" on an occasion like a wedding, when gifts are traditional, but it's sheer, disingenuous cheek to pretend people have to give you a present for your anniversary, and that you're graciously letting them off!

WaitMonkey Tue 25-Mar-14 21:44:22

Am beyond shocked that people. think this is acceptable. shock

HarlotOTara Tue 25-Mar-14 21:47:21

There is food and a bar on the invite but even so, maybe an envelope with a poem saying 'fuck off'. Actually I have a coaster saying that which I bought on Saturday - maybe I should give them that, it has a dog on it

fluffyraggies Tue 25-Mar-14 21:47:57

Nooooooooo -

People are asking for money at anniversaries now?

<face palm>

where are peoples manners?

MarthasHarbour Tue 25-Mar-14 21:48:11

That poem is basically crap! Hardly any of it rhymes and it isnt even a limerick.

My literary critique aside wink yes they are being bloody cheeky, DH and i even get cringey when my sisters send us anniversary cards (which is delightful of them yes but we acknowledge our anniversary privately).

I would go to the party bringing your tin of beans! grin

StrawberryCheese Tue 25-Mar-14 21:50:18

That's really cheeky. I mean, a ten year anniversary isn't even a special thing is it? I didn't know people had anniversary parties unless it's a silver or golden anniversary. I like your tin of baked beans idea!

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Tue 25-Mar-14 21:50:25

Stick two pennies in the card. One from each of you. Put a poem in with them along the lines of lucky pennies, or 2 pennies to rub together....
The poem is so grabby!

Well done to you both for making it to ten years
But sadly your invite has confirmed my fears
In days gone by
Dont ask me why
Anniversaries were marked with just cheers

These days, it seems that cash is king
And your poem has cemented such a thing
We wont pay
To send you on your way
Just be happy you're still wearing the ring

CarryOnDancing Tue 25-Mar-14 21:52:19

Send the beans and write:

"Your invitation poem planted a seed and made me think your party is motivated by greed.
Giving my hard earned money just seems like a sin so instead please enjoy our congratulations in the form of this tin." grin

Oh Carrys is much better!!

WooWooOwl Tue 25-Mar-14 21:54:03

That's disgusting!

It's bad enough for weddings but for an anniversary!?

That's just vile!

But if you fancy the piss up on them with your mutual friends, then go along and just take a card. I would never normally think it's ok to turn up to an event like that empty handed, but rudeness is clearly acceptable to these people, so the tone has been set.

But the baked beans idea was crap too tbh.

Bunbaker Tue 25-Mar-14 21:55:27

This is beyond crass. I bet they get a few people not going. Why do they think it is OK to send out a rude, grabby invitation?

TwixTime Tue 25-Mar-14 21:58:17

kenadams thanks for making my night grin

Roseformeplease Tue 25-Mar-14 22:02:09

Here's a tin that's full of beans
We hope will give you both the means
To climb like Jack
And both bring back
A fucking huge golden goose

(Ps - your poem was crap too)

My thoughts.....

Or just write in the card

"If you wanted a weekend away, why not just do that instead of spending money on a party?"

Hissy Tue 25-Mar-14 22:10:18


Good thinking! smile

Oooh it's my 1st wedding anniversary this weekend... Plots for small windfall in 9yrs time! grin

Aeroflotgirl Tue 25-Mar-14 22:37:02

What a load if fecking bollox, that poem is envy. Cheeky fecker a asking for gifts, you've already had a wedding!

LittleBearPad Tue 25-Mar-14 22:40:34

Cheeky sods.

mameulah Tue 25-Mar-14 22:55:09

I wouldn't go because their stupid poem would annoy me too much.

I would get out of it by sending a card and giving them a cheap bottle of something fizzy.

RuddyDuck Wed 26-Mar-14 05:38:25

I have never heard of a 10th anniversary party. And to ask for money??? shock

Dh and I don't usually remember celebrate our wedding anniversary, but we did go away for our 10th, just for the weekend. We wouldn't have dreamed of asking others to pay for it. It's our 20th anniversary this year, but as it falls slap bang in the middle of dc doing GCSEs and A levels, we won't be going away.

Cant believe the cheek of sone people. I wouldn't go to the party or give them any money. As others have said, if they can't afford a weekend away without asking for money, then don't have a party and use that money instead. Crap poem as well.

aGirlDownUnder1 Wed 26-Mar-14 05:59:21

I honestly can't believe people think it's acceptable ask for money as a present especially with a cringeworthy poem and it is only a tenth wedding anniversary. I probably would've just gotten the couple a card.

We never had an anniversary party except on our first year which was just a BBQ in the back yard with my family

I wouldn't even bring a card now. YANBU!

vexedfoxy Wed 26-Mar-14 06:09:44

That poem made my skin crawl...............No way would I go to that party.....

Boris13 Wed 26-Mar-14 06:26:57


That is great!!!!!

Boris13 Wed 26-Mar-14 06:30:58

Have an anniversary party - If u must

Don't have a party if you can't afford a weekend away...

Wedding present poems asking for money are bad enough!!!
I would always just buy something!!

I wouldn't think of buying a present, (unless very close to me, and we had a private joke and there was a little quirky something...
I would not give money...

cheeky cheeky bustards!!!!

Gooseysgirl Wed 26-Mar-14 06:35:31

I am stunned.... cheeky feckers!! They wouldn't even get a card from me. gringringringringrin Kens and Carrys

LoveBeingCantThinkOfAName Wed 26-Mar-14 06:38:08

Yuck grabby and horrible. Makes me think they've invite loads of people just to get some money.

BalloonSlayer Wed 26-Mar-14 06:44:07

"To save you from all the searching and guessing
We would love a weekend away for some fun"


"Now that we have saved you all the fuss
We can't wait for you to celebrate with us!"

- I love the way they imply they are doing YOU a favour

So glad to hear you got to ten
No one thought you'd last till then
Still, it's a bit odd you're holding
A party - unless the wedding's golden
And though we're pleased you are still happy
You seem to have become a trifle grabby
So we'll just wish you lots of luck
And as for money - off you fuck!

ceres Wed 26-Mar-14 07:12:33

the poem is awful.

asking for presents is rude.

BUT if you are going to a party it is just as bad to turn up with your hands hanging. I don't understand people saying go but don't buy them anything - that's just as bad imo.

so I agree with your husband - politely decline and leave them to it.

Bunbaker Wed 26-Mar-14 08:57:24

"BUT if you are going to a party it is just as bad to turn up with your hands hanging. I don't understand people saying go but don't buy them anything - that's just as bad imo."

I don't agree, not for an anniversary party. We never go to parties anyway so I have no idea what party etiquette these days is, but when we used to go we just took a bottle.

Why not print this thread off and send it to the party givers. They probably don't realise what a social faux pas they have made.

Years ago a friend had a 30th birthday party and asked for money in the invitations. Some people took offence and just didn't bother going.

Unexpected Wed 26-Mar-14 09:00:29

I want you to go, print out all these poems in different cards and pop them in the "Moneybox" for them to enjoy after the party! Or is that just tooooo mean ........

justmyview Wed 26-Mar-14 10:42:47

I think fair enough to have an anniversary party, but I would think small present (as you would normally take to a birthday party) is fine. Money is cheeky.

We're hoping to have a party for our 10th this year if we can afford it. I think ten is really something to celebrate (cos I've been divorced grin)

I want people to not bring gifts - how do I do that?

Perfectlypurple Wed 26-Mar-14 11:04:25

balloonslayer I love that one. op send that one.

How grabby is that. We don't even expect cards for ours. It's something that is important to us.

Perfectlypurple Wed 26-Mar-14 11:06:05

Laurie, you could ask a charity you support for a collection box and state on the invite no gifts but there will be a collection box for your favourite charity. We did this for an elderly relatives birthday.

pianodoodle Wed 26-Mar-14 11:29:02

I'd go and eat all the food, get DH drunk and tell him the money box was a urinal just before we left...

oldwomaninashoe Wed 26-Mar-14 11:47:19

I used to work for a well known china company in a big store and we used to have a wedding list service, which was very popular.

One day a woman came in and said that she wanted to set up a list ( on her list was a whole dinner service for eight about �2,500 worth) it transpired that this wasn't for a wedding but for people coming to her 40th (ruby) wedding party to know what to buy her and her DH.

I was taken a bit aback, never having had this sort of "list" requested before. She was given the "slips" (about the list) to go in with her invitations.

All in total 4 cereal/fruit bowls were purchased from her list!!!

So you can see what her guests thought of that!

WilsonFrickett Wed 26-Mar-14 11:51:22

My flabber is actually ghasted, firstly by the toe-curlingly teeth-itchingly awfulness of that 'poem', secondly by the cheek of it!

FFS. Do people do this? shock

pictish Wed 26-Mar-14 11:52:43

Balloonslayer that's hilarious. grin

Comeatmefam Wed 26-Mar-14 11:54:16

You want cash for a weekend away
You really think friends should pay?
You better beware
(Not that I care)
That most guests will say 'NO WAY'

pianodoodle Wed 26-Mar-14 11:57:41

Roses are red, violets are blue... You're a dreadful ould couple of cheeky money grabbing assholes so we'd rather sit at home sticking pins in our eyes than come to your poxy do... thank you.

101handbags Wed 26-Mar-14 12:08:36

I've never heard of anybody having a party for a 10 year anniversary. Surely wedding anniversary parties start with the silver wedding? The asking for money and the poem are unbelievably crass. Are they secretly mumsnet members and have done this to see how soon the thread about it starts?

Sicaq Wed 26-Mar-14 12:24:26

I'm going to have to find me a partner. Seems pretty lucrative, with all these couple-y occasions that require cash!

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Wed 26-Mar-14 12:47:04

My vote is for BalloonSlayer - brilliant.

OP please now do the obligatory ring round the other guests to find out that they think and then report back.

5Foot5 Wed 26-Mar-14 12:52:24

Unbelievable!! If they want a weekend away why didn't they spend the money they are forking out for the party on the weekend instead of trying to do both?

10 years is not such a big deal anyway.

OldBeanbagz Wed 26-Mar-14 13:03:09

DH and i celebrated 20 years of marriage last year. No party here and even if there had been, i wouldn't have dreamt of asking for money off my friends.

I can understand people giving gifts for 25th/50th anniversaries, but for others? I'd send a card perhaps but nothing more.

As far as I'm concerned, anniversaries are between the couple, surely.

My parents had a 25th party - a surprise one, organised/paid for by me/DBro as at that point we were just grateful they'd made 25 years as the year before Dad had been very ill needing a quadruple heart bypass.

And in a couple of years will celebrate their 50th. I doubt whether they'll have more than a bit of a meal in a restaurant, but again, as they've both been ill, they won't be paying for that one.

Asking other people for money seems grabby to me at the best of times, and certainly for what is not really that special an anniversary.

helenthemadex Wed 26-Mar-14 13:26:13

when you married we thought you were crazed
that its lasted this long has left us amazed

we're pleased that you are both still very happy
but feel the poem requesting cash is really crappy

if its a weekend away that you both want
pay yourself you tighfisted c*

HuevosRancheros Wed 26-Mar-14 13:27:56

To the people asking "why would you have a 10th wedding anniversary party?"....
Well, we are this year, our wedding was really small, we always planned on having a big party later for all our friends and distant family that we didn't invite to the wedding. But we were poor, and couldn't afford it!
Now we can, so we're having a party to make up for not having one before.
But no way would we ask for presents; in fact, we're the same as Laurie, not quite sure how to ask for "no presents" without making it look like we were expecting them in the first place!!

OP, it does sound like the best thing is not to go....

Caterina99 Wed 26-Mar-14 16:11:03

Huevos and laurie, just put on your invitation at the bottom something like "no gifts please" or "in lieu of gifts, there will be a donation box to x charity"

I've seen that a lot, and if people take offense to that, then you really can't win!

CerealMom Wed 26-Mar-14 16:21:47

Ahh, it is their 10 year anniversary. Splash the cash OP and buy them a multipack of baked beans. Every time they open one they'll think of you...

CountessOfRule Wed 26-Mar-14 16:50:01

They can get to fuck.

We are having a tenth wedding anniversary party this year. We don't want gifts and will say so although we may be tapping up local friends to lend serving dishes and fridge space.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Wed 26-Mar-14 17:06:33

I would either go and post the poems on here anonymously in the box, or not go and post them in cards to them, or just not go and ignore the invite.

SelectAUserName Wed 26-Mar-14 17:14:06

An anniversary should be a private affair
Not sure why you think all and sundry should care
And just to compound your terrible cheek
You ask for donations to round off your week
Weddings, birthdays, Christmases...fine
But the only dirty weekend I will pay for is MINE.

(Last line doesn't quite scan but I don't care grin )

NatashaBee Wed 26-Mar-14 17:43:36

As always, brilliant poems on here smile this is why I love Mumsnet!

SueDoeNympho Wed 26-Mar-14 20:27:54

Cheeky beggars! Unbelievably rude. I would definitely be busy that weekend and make an excuse not to go.

HarlotOTara Wed 26-Mar-14 20:30:45

Love the poems - I like the bloke and am surprised he thinks this is ok. I haven't met his wife, my dh has and said she is very ambitious and driven so may be her idea who knows. Not sure I have the courage to put one of the poems in a card although anonymously might be fun. I am certainly not giving cash. My dh doesn't want to go as he thinks their attitude is very rude. He is going to put feelers out to see what other guests think. I shall keep an eye on the money box. I like the idea of multibuy beans - possibly very nicely wrapped up

LemonBreeland Wed 26-Mar-14 20:34:09

Who even has a 10th anniversary party? Greedy feckers! I'm with your DH. I just wouldn't go.

Charlie97 Wed 26-Mar-14 20:35:57

They have asked for money......sad 'Twas our 25th a couple of years ago, we did have a party to celebrate with strict instructions that presence and not presents were wanted.

I find it really shallow asking for money at 10th wedding anniversary, ok at a wedding to ask for presents to start your home.

elmerelephant Wed 26-Mar-14 20:44:26

We had a party for our 10th,
one I didnt think we would make it,
two we only had 6 guests at our wedding so it was nice to invite loads of people,
three, we were able to have a cheesy eighties fancy dress party, but no presents were even expected we just wanted to have a piss up with our mates.
I think its extremely grabby to suggest anyone brings anything other than a bottle of booze

Bunbaker Wed 26-Mar-14 21:30:22

I dare you to ask the hosts how many people have said yes.

BuggarMeGently Wed 26-Mar-14 22:55:32

Only read the OP, so sorry if this has been said already...but I am grinding my teeth because that poem DOESN'T BLOODY SCAN! Now if I was sending an invite like this, it would read...

A decade together, we've let ourselves go
We'rr happily smug...still together you know
But a few more grey hairs, bit more fat on the bods
Underneath we're still us...the Grabby Old Sods
So hands in your pockets please, give us your dough
Post it all in our box...and away we will go!
But first to the chemist, to buy some viagra
And a carrot, should the pills not allow me to shag her!
A dirty weekend? Paid for, wholly, by you
Well I must be on glue
Cos I think that IABU!

MarthasHarbour Thu 27-Mar-14 14:09:03

buggarme yes yes i was INCENSED by the lack of rhyme, pace and tone of the entire poem and posted earlier to that effect. angry

Yours on the other hand is Keats-esque! grin

bubblegoose Thu 27-Mar-14 14:23:25

Underneath we're still us...the Grabby Old Sods


The original poem is utterly cringeworthy! Why oh why do people write poems for wedding (and anniversary) invites? Does anyone know? What is it about hiring a hall and buying a nice frock that brings out the crappy poets in force?

BeCool Thu 27-Mar-14 14:27:48

I find it totally odd people celebrate other people wedding anniversaries grin

BeCool Thu 27-Mar-14 14:30:26

put a note in with the beans:

"It wasn't any fuss at all - I knew exactly what to get you"


You could even make it rhyme if you could be bothered.

BuggarMeGently Fri 28-Mar-14 08:06:43

Ooh...another one for me!

Manners in your house are rare, it seems
You hope we'll fund your "shagfest" dreams
So I'd like to present you with one tin of beans
With fetching "heinz" packaging-art

They have a cash value of 69p
But I've lost the receipt...oh, silly old me!
So why don't you eat, then competitively
See who can emit the best fart?

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