Quick Poll - DP stay out the night before Mother's Day? AIBU to object?

(51 Posts)
EleventyTwelve Sun 23-Mar-14 14:59:49

Just that really. DP's Mother will be away, so no visiting there required, or on my side. DP wants to go to an old friend's party in a different town and stay over next Saturday night, leaving me on own with 2 x DC (7&3). I dare say he'll be up all night, hungover and not back until the afternoon I wouldn't think. No chance of going too.

DP attitude is that I am "not his mother" so feels no obligation other than to oversee the kids get me a card & present, which they can still give me.

So AIBU to be hmm about this, and disappointed that I won't get breakfast in bed and still have to do everything?

softlysoftly Sun 23-Mar-14 15:02:34

I'd say YABU because him "helping" shouldn't just occur on mothers day so card from kids should be enough.

But that's dependent on the following weekend you getting to stop out while he sits in.

WorraLiberty Sun 23-Mar-14 15:02:41

I kind of agree with your DP to be honest.

But maybe that's because my DH and I regularly bring each other tea in bed and cook Sunday lunch for one another.

We don't need Hallmark to tell us which day to do this and the kids make me cards anyway.

If it's different in your house, then I can see why you might be upset though.

bebows Sun 23-Mar-14 15:04:40

On the pathetic scale, rates a 2

AmysTiara Sun 23-Mar-14 15:07:02

Yabu

NurseyWursey Sun 23-Mar-14 15:07:50

YABU

TittyMcFartyFlaps Sun 23-Mar-14 15:08:58

Get him to give you breakfast in bed on the Saturday.
I don't think you should stop him going on a fun night out just cos it's Mother's Day the day after.

Backtobedlam Sun 23-Mar-14 15:09:31

YABU-can he not let you have a lie in and breakfast in bed the week after instead if it's important to you?

joanofarchitrave Sun 23-Mar-14 15:10:25

YABU. Take the kids out for breakfast at McDonalds/somewhere nice and try to enjoy it.

Plan a great night out on Saturday June 13 - are there friends you've been meaning to get together with? Time for a serious girly night out and stay over. So that he can enjoy proper fathering time with his kids on Father's Day

Laquitar Sun 23-Mar-14 15:11:38

Why cant he be back next day and bring you lunch or go together for a lunch?
He is not unreasonable to go out imo but his reply was not good.
You can always get a babysitter on sat and go out with a friend.

Middleagedmotheroftwo Sun 23-Mar-14 15:12:33

Mothers' day is just a day. Ask him to bring you breakfast in bed another day. I really don't get Mothers' Day, or Fathers' Day. Both are dreamt up by the greeting card industry to get people to spend money.
We don't bother with either in this house.

GertTheFlirt Sun 23-Mar-14 15:14:57

I dont see the issue myself.

pommedeterre Sun 23-Mar-14 15:15:11

Yabu

But I agree with bfast out and would add on a fun shopping trip with treats for everyone.

zipzap Sun 23-Mar-14 15:20:46

Sounds selfish of him, even if it wasn't Mothering Sunday the next day!

EleventyTwelve Sun 23-Mar-14 15:24:54

grin I thought I might be!

Laquitar - I think you've got it. I think it was how he put it that rubbed me up the wrong way, and Joan, I like your thinking! Think it's that I am rather owed on the going out/having a break front so a bit sensitive. I will organise something for me any way for another time soon!

Thanks all for stopping me being a twat lol smile

Caitlin17 Sun 23-Mar-14 15:34:33

You are being beyond unreasonable. It's a made up day to boost sales for the greetings card industry. I don't even know what day it is it means so little.

It's not as if it were a day of real significance like your birthday or anniversary.

Caitlin17 Sun 23-Mar-14 15:37:08

Sorry I see you agree with everyone. It's really not an important day.

NurseyWursey Sun 23-Mar-14 15:38:01

Isn't it lovely when an OP listens!

justwantitmadeforme Sun 23-Mar-14 15:52:05

you are being a bit unreasonable.

My dp is away on a stag night on Saturday and as long as he gets me a card from the DC I'm not too fussed.

Pinkcustardpurplecustard Sun 23-Mar-14 15:56:37

Can he pamper you Saturday day time instead?

Laquitar Sun 23-Mar-14 16:11:13

I honestly dont get this kind of threads. It doesnt matter if card shops make money.
It is about considering what makes your other half happy. If my dh wanted very much to buy him a bottle of wine on 12th of Sept, or 5th August, or 11Nov or whatever date then i will.just to see him happy. Yes tesco will make 5 pounds out of me. I don't care.

I think it is mean to deny someone a moment of
happiness and affection.
I hope he comes on sunday and treats you.

EleventyTwelve Sun 23-Mar-14 16:13:44

I just liked the idea of him getting up with the DC and helping them make me breakfast in bed - nostalgic really as it's what I used to do, but yes, I guess they could do that Saturday instead.

maras2 Sun 23-Mar-14 16:41:18

Don't forget that the clocks go forward too .

WorraLiberty Sun 23-Mar-14 16:41:43

Sounds selfish of him, even if it wasn't Mothering Sunday the next day!

Huh? Why? confused

Actually I would be a bit disappointed too. I know on MN it's uncool to get excited about any celebration, Mother's Day, birthdays etc, but we are only human, and lots of us do enjoy having a fuss made on a 'special' day, just as we enjoy making others feel special!

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to buy into the whole Mother's Day celebration, even if it had become very commercialised! Christmas has also become very commercialised but we still buy into that!!!

Jolleigh Sun 23-Mar-14 18:22:23

zipzap - why is he being selfish just for going out?!

Supercosy Sun 23-Mar-14 18:26:09

Sorry, I think Yabu. I've never been "spoilt" on Mother's Day, we're a gay family so we're both mums! Our lovely Dd usually makes us a card but we spend the rest of the day doing something nice for my own mum and my elderly MIL. Is he considerate the rest of the time?

FloozeyLoozey Sun 23-Mar-14 18:27:21

As a single parent I find it weird that partners play such a part in mother's day. Surely it's about you and the kids? He's not your kid is he?

Caitlin17 Sun 23-Mar-14 19:08:24

Laquitar I don't need Hallmark cards to remind me that either husband or I are special.

PorkPie if you think I'm too cool to celebrate important dates you should see me on my birthday. There's almost bunting in the street. But mothers' day? I couldn't care less.

Caitlin17 Sun 23-Mar-14 19:10:53

When is it anyway?

Laquitar Sun 23-Mar-14 19:30:05

But it is not about what you NEED.
I personally dont like cards either.I am not even British and we don't do cards in my country.
That's not the point.
It is about OP. SHE likes cards and breakfast in bed. It is something simple that doesn't cost much money and it makes her happy. So her dh's reply was dismissive imo.

Caitlin17 Sun 23-Mar-14 19:57:03

It is a random day. There are 52 weekends in the year where whatever is expected could be done. As it is as I'm very lazy outside work, have a horrendously stressful job I get breakfast in bed and the like fairly often from my husband.

I really don't understand what the big deal is about this randomly selected day. It has no significance. It's not a birthday, an anniversary or Christmas or Thanksgiving . It's not even the same day all over the world.

popcornpaws Sun 23-Mar-14 21:09:43

YABU

EleventyTwelve Sun 23-Mar-14 21:11:04

I hear what you say Floozey, and yes maybe I am expecting too much.

I guess I see my role on Father's Day in guiding the kids in how to do something special that he likes, and was kind of hoping for the same. He's not my father, this is true, but he is the man I chose to be father of my children, and I see it as a day to give recognition of that, and vice versa on Mother's Day - but I get that might not be everyone's view, or even possible for some, so consider me reminded of the actual importance here - at least I have two happy, healthy DCs who I will spend a lovely day with, regardless.

DP can make it up to me another time wink

Hell DS1 is 7 now - I may still get breakfast of some description! grin

YANBU.

I know it's commercialised but it is nice for all your hard work to be recognised. Even more so if you don't get special treatment as a matter of course as some posters seem to.

It's fantastic if people and their partners bring each other breakfast in bed regularly, but that doesn't happen in a lot of families and you have to grab the opportunity where you can grin

Chunderella Sun 23-Mar-14 22:00:16

Yanbu. It doesn't matter what other posters think of mother's day, it matters how you want to celebrate it. You'd only BU if you expected more than you'd be willing to facilitate on father's day.

whydoibothersometimes Sun 23-Mar-14 22:39:43

Well I think your dp is being very selfish actually. If Mother's Day is special to you and your children, then I think he should be there in the morning to help them make you breakfast in bed! This may be because I always did this on Mothering Sunday and is what my partner and my children do now and every other year. It is not my dp treating me like his mother, it is dp helping his children do something lovely for their mum. I'd go as far to say if my dp went out the night before and rolled up hungover on Mother's Day in the afternoon (most likely with plans to rest his poor head) then I would put him in the spare room for a considerable amount of time and all the considerate things I do for him would be a thing of the past!!

Abbierhodes Sun 23-Mar-14 22:54:04

Caitlin17, I can't believe that you are arguing that 'it's just a random day' but saying you celebrate your birthday and anniversary! Who are you to decide which days other people should place importance on?

I agree that it's the way he said it. I'd be happy for my DH to go away the night before Mothers' day (or my birthday etc) but that's partly because I know that his automatic reaction would be to check I didn't mind, and then work out how he can make a fuss in a different way. It's about showing you care, that's all.

And one last point- Mothering Sunday is not made up by card companies, it's a religious festival. Fathers day is made up though, so you can ignore that!

Caitlin17 Sun 23-Mar-14 23:30:58

Abbie it is completely random as far as I'm concerned. It has no significance for any event in my life.

As for the religious element "Mothering Sunday" may at some dim and distant point have had some connection but it certainly doesn't now.

The official "mothers' day"(although who decides it is beyond me) varies widely worldwide from as early as February to as late as October so if it matters and you miss the UK one you have plenty more to choose from.

Thankfully both my mother and my mother-in-law (the former a devout Catholic and the latter a devout Baptist) both thought it was nonsense.

MistressDeeCee Sun 23-Mar-14 23:48:24

YABU. He's going to a mate's party. Unless you have trust issues or he's doing that very regularly then I can't see the issue. Its Mother's Day but you aren't his mother, are you? It all sounds a bit 'he's not allowed out'. Have a nice day out with the DCs or have a friend round..just enjoy your day.

I know some say Mother's Day is commercialised etc, but I enjoy it as a celebration. Im spending the whole day with my DCs, I know it will be the whole cards & flowers thing, which I like. Its not about expecting my OH to make Mother's Day special for me. Im out for a drink in the evening with DM, if its gets too late or Im too tired slightly hungover then I'll give OH a call and stay round DMs. No big deal. I do think it seems 'unfashionable' on MN to enjoy a 'commercialised day' but that being the case, there are an awful lot of ladies with great expectations of their partners making the day special for them, aren't there? In an 'he has to' kind of way. There are several threads..so there's an imbalance somewhere. I don't see why. Your man is not your mother & if he's a good man then there are other days when the 2 of you will be treating each other.

Glitterfeet Sun 23-Mar-14 23:56:13

For the. Isn't before fathers day book yourself a hotel, come home in the afternoon. He won't mind.

Glitterfeet Sun 23-Mar-14 23:59:21

Grrr auto correct.

For the night before Father's Day book a hotel room, come home the next afternoon. He won't mind.

Bodicea Mon 24-Mar-14 05:51:29

Just realised my husband is doing the same. We have a 5 month old with a lot of medical issues currently so he a pretty high maintenance. So much for a nice lie in on my first Mother's Day !! Think I will let him off though. He is brill most of time and doesn't see his mates that much these days.

everlong Mon 24-Mar-14 07:42:31

I wouldn't stop DH going to an old friends party just because it was Mothers day the day after.
Seems very self indulgent that you would even consider asking him not to.

diddl Mon 24-Mar-14 08:00:27

"It is about considering what makes your other half happy."

And perhaps OP would like lunch out or not for her husband to be out until the afternoon on the Sunday.

I don't think it's the going out on the Sat that is the problem, more that it also wastes most of the Sunday.

ICanSeeTheSun Mon 24-Mar-14 08:06:48

In this house we do mother/Father's Day a bit different.

It's a day I treat the kids, we go to the park/ swimming nd have a fun day with them.

With out them I wouldn't be a mum

LettertoHermioneGranger Mon 24-Mar-14 08:19:02

YANBU.

If you care about Mother's day and it is special to you, DP should respect that. It's not about you not being his mother ffs. It should be about celebrating you as a mother, what you do for your children.

I don't give a fuck about it being a "commercial" holiday. I think the sentiment is lovely. Plus breakfast in bed is hardly forking over cash for something twee and shop-bought.

It's fine to not celebrate Mother's Day, and it's fine to really enjoy it and want to have a special day. It shouldn't be much to ask for DP to come home early and make sure you get a nice breakfast to show you're appreciated by him for what you do for your children.

MistressDeeCee Mon 24-Mar-14 11:01:14

Mothers Day is about Mums and Children. Fathers Day is a day about fathers and their children.

There's already a couple's day - Valentine's Day

May just be an idea to ask yourself whether issue is worth actually worth a dispute

Playing tit for tat or trying to regulate people unless they're being massively out of order can come back to bite you

Id happily enjoy the day with my children but you know best, OP. Its your life and relationship not anybody else's

Curlyweasel Mon 24-Mar-14 11:55:45

Nice attitude from DP there. I'd be more pissed off at that than him spending the night away.

ikeaismylocal Mon 24-Mar-14 12:32:45

Yanbu.

If my dp did this I'd say that is fine as long as dp arranged childcare as dp knows I plan to have a lie in on mothers day.

I see mothers/fathers day as a celebration of the people whos mothering/fathering you appreciate. I make fathers day special for dp to show him that I think he is a great dad and I appreciate all the effort he puts in. No he's not my father but he's the father of my children.

diddl Mon 24-Mar-14 13:19:15

I'd like to think that there was a compromise to be had, like getting back before the next afternoon, for example.

But then again I've never really been a party until you're wasted & the next day is as well person.

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