...to think this is a bit cheeky or do I need to relax a bit?

(252 Posts)
NotActuallyAMum Mon 17-Mar-14 12:36:44

A work colleague of mine did me a favour recently – saved us about £50 – so as a thank you I offered him a couple of nights in our static caravan. I said that if he goes straight there after work on a Friday he’ll be there by about half 6 then if he leaves around the same time on Sunday he’ll have 2 full days there. I warned him that we wouldn’t be moving our belongings out of the way because there’ll still be plenty of room for the two of them. He took me up on the offer, which I was pleased about – I wanted to return the favour

I’ve just seen that he’s booked the Friday and Monday of that weekend off work, presumably to spend 4 nights at our caravan instead of the 2 that I offered. Additionally, someone else who works here sees a lot of this person out of work – the two of them and their wives spend a lot of time together and I’ve noticed that he has also booked the Friday and Monday off work, making me think that they are planning on going too

I could be wrong of course but it seems too much of a coincidence for there to be any other explanation. Isn’t this a bit cheeky?

ChazzerChaser Mon 17-Mar-14 12:37:35

Yep cheeky

PicaK Mon 17-Mar-14 12:40:04

Gosh you're leaping to conclusions. He could be seeing mates nearby on sun night, stopping en route on friday. The friends having time off could be a coincidence.

Plus it's not like you lose anything here.

I'd keep quiet.

Mrskeylime Mon 17-Mar-14 12:40:08

Cheeky fecker! Are you going to ask him?

SoleSource Mon 17-Mar-14 12:40:21

If that is his intention yes. They could be going elsewhere or spending a few days at home.

AnaisB Mon 17-Mar-14 12:41:16

Maybe he's going Friday morning. You are making a few presumtions there.

JimmyCorkhill Mon 17-Mar-14 12:44:48

I think it will be impossible to know for sure without asking and that could end up spoiling the original goodwill.

Try looking at it from a different perspective, you have enabled him to have a fantastic weekend with/without his friends. He'll be very grateful for your kindness and this could result in future help from him.

Or you could stay in your caravan Thursday evening and it will be a lovely 'surprise' when they all turn up grin

NotActuallyAMum Mon 17-Mar-14 12:47:49

Yes I realise I could be wrong but it just seemed a big coincidence. These holidays were booked within a couple of days of our conversation

Am I going to ask him? No I won't say anything but if I do turn out to be right then I will speak up. I will find out either way because whenever we have anyone going (rarely) we always tell the people next door who and for how long and they do the same with us

NotActuallyAMum Mon 17-Mar-14 12:48:53

LOL @ Jimmy grin if we weren't working I might have done that...

EyelinerQueen Mon 17-Mar-14 12:49:07

If that's his plan then yes, cheeky is an understatement shock .

My parents have an apartment in Spain that they let on a casual basis to family. The apartment is gorgeous and my Mum's pride and joy.

A few years ago my cousin booked it for her and her husband.

My mum found out via FB that they'd taken 2 other couples who were complete strangers to my parents without saying a word hmm .

They won't be using the apartment again.

Daiso Mon 17-Mar-14 12:52:52

He could have booked the Friday off to leave during the day rather than after work and equally on Sun night he may plan on getting back late so had booked Monday off so he doesn't have to worry about a late night Sun/early start Mon.

MusicalEndorphins Mon 17-Mar-14 12:56:11

I would have asked you first.

NinjaBunny Mon 17-Mar-14 13:00:52

Oh, so cheeky.

But it might not be deliberate. I was friends with someone who was always asking completely unreasonable favours ("Could you call in sick and look after my DS so I can go out tonight?" Never occurring to her that her night out would cost me £80 due to the dropped shift.) but I honestly don't think it was on purpose.

I think she just had no idea what was reasonable to ask and what was being massively cheeky.

adeucalione Mon 17-Mar-14 13:03:12

I don't think it's particularly cheeky of him to travel up on Friday morning instead of Friday evening, but if he is planning to stay the extra night on Sunday, or to take another couple, then that is cheeky.

However, as others have said, he could just fancy Monday off work after being away all weekend, and the other couple might be going somewhere else entirely or be staying at a B&B nearby. Check your facts before jumping to conclusions and looking like a fool over a misunderstanding. Why not just ask what time he's leaving on Sunday because some other friends are staying there on Sunday night?

ShatnersBassoon Mon 17-Mar-14 13:04:17

Call his bluff and say someone else is going to be stopping on Sunday night.

I'm not convinced that he is being dishonest though. I think you're jumping to conclusions.

itiswhatitiswhatitis Mon 17-Mar-14 13:08:20

The Friday to Monday thing wouldn't bother me tbh but taking other people would.

NotActuallyAMum Mon 17-Mar-14 13:12:48

I hadn't thought about saying that someone else was there on Sunday (why?!)

I don't plan on saying anything to him beforehand, but I will definitely say something after the event if I do turn out to be right...because if (and I do realise it's definitely IF) I am right then it IS cheeky isn't it? I haven't got that wrong have I?

Are you friends with the other person? Could you ask them as part of normal conversation that you see they have booked a long weekend off, do they have any plans? Plus yes to calling their bluff about the Sunday (although personally a couple of days extra wouldn't bother me anyway if I wasn't going to be there)

NotActuallyAMum Mon 17-Mar-14 13:15:27

YellowDinosaur I don't know this other person at all, we work for a very big Company and I've never met him

Quejica Mon 17-Mar-14 13:17:48

When and how is he getting the key?

Then I'd do the calling their bluff about the Sunday thing if the number of days bothers you. And ask your neighbours to report back on the rest.

Yes, they are cheeky to do this without asking if they are planning this. I'd personally not care about the extra days if you wouldn't be the anyway but would care about 2 people I didn't know staying there without being asked.

WaitMonkey Mon 17-Mar-14 13:19:33

I would need to ask.

Did you say "two nights" or did you say "a couple of nights" or "a weekend"?

Unless you very specifically said "two nights" then I think going Friday-Monday is fine. It makes no difference to you and is within the accepted sense of "a couple of nights". I don't think that would be cheeky.

Inviting another friend who you don't even know to come along with him without asking you first, though, would be cheeky.

So YAB variously U and NU.

NotActuallyAMum Mon 17-Mar-14 13:24:11

Quejica very good question, as far as I'm concerned I'll bring the key to work with me on the Friday. If he asks if he can have it on the Thursday that really will make me think he's going on Thursday evening

NotActuallyAMum Mon 17-Mar-14 13:26:48

Debbie I did very specifically say that they could go straight from work on Friday and come back on Sunday evening, I know that I definitely said that

Those of you who are saying it doesn't make any difference to us whether they go for 2 or 4 nights do, to be fair, have a point, but I still think they should have asked first

Although of course he'll ask you to bring it on Thursday even if he's not going till Friday if he's taken the Friday off. So that doesn't help you.

ShatnersBassoon Mon 17-Mar-14 13:29:46

But he's not at work on the Friday, so he'll probably tell you he needs the key Thursday because he won't be in the office on Friday. That gives you the chance to check he's understood the arrangement.

Quejica Mon 17-Mar-14 13:33:31

And when you have the key handing-over chat, you can mention the neighbours who look after the caravan and that it's ok, you have told them there will be 2 people there 6:30pm Friday to 6:30pm Monday so they won't find the police arriving unexpectedly thinking they are squatters!

NotActuallyAMum Mon 17-Mar-14 13:34:13

Yes of course he'll want it on Thursday if he's not here Friday...bugger

I'm trying not to think about it too much (honest grin) because it's a couple of months away yet

PrimalLass Mon 17-Mar-14 13:34:39

Maybe it's just the two of them going - did you specify exactly who could use it? I'm not sure why you are so bothered about that bit.

HelloBoys Mon 17-Mar-14 13:35:28


Your property your rules...

My parents have a holiday home in SW France and generally they specify dates/times of going there due to electricity etc bills as they make a charge for that. Another couple uses up double the utilities and it's just cheeky not to ask.

Golden rule always ask especially when getting something for nothing. No matter what this colleague (and he is that, colleague, not a friend and even if a friend a bit rich) saved you.

NotActuallyAMum Mon 17-Mar-14 13:35:42

Ah yes Quejica I could quite easily say something along those lines couldn't I? Fantastic idea, thank you!

<why didn't I think of that>

Optimist1 Mon 17-Mar-14 13:36:03

As Debbie suggests above, I'm wondering whether he misunderstood your offer. If you described it, for example, as being "quite roomy - it can actually sleep five people" he could have seen this as ideal for the two couples. And he might have thought the timings you outlined were more as an indication of how he could get two full days there without having to take time off work, as opposed to the maximum length of the stay you were offering.

Primalass really? You honestly can't understand why someone might not want 2 strangers staying in her caravan without being asked?

AtrociousCircumstance Mon 17-Mar-14 13:36:53

Definitely let him know that someone else will be staying on Sunday night.

Do the helpful neighbours have a spare set of keys? Tell him to pick them up from them but they are away until Friday afternoon?

Very cheeky.

Maybe he and Other Chap are actually having a torrid affair behind their wives' backs and Other Chap is going as his +1?

If this is going to bug you for several months then just ask him!

HelloBoys Mon 17-Mar-14 13:38:02

Primal - I suppose either you've never had a holiday home (and the expenses) or been concerned about who stays there.

It is OP's holiday home, not the colleagues. How would the colleague like it if OP and her whole family/friends did same to colleague? NOT A LOT.

NotActuallyAMum Mon 17-Mar-14 13:38:04

PrimalLass I just think it's cheeky of them to take friends with them without asking when they're getting a freebie. As HelloBoys pointed out, another couple uses double the utilities

HelloBoys Mon 17-Mar-14 13:39:26

Optimist misunderstood my arse. there's a big difference between saying "x cottage sleeps x people" or "you can invite 2 couples along".

HelloBoys Mon 17-Mar-14 13:40:52

NotActually - I won't tell you about stepdad's relatives - Irish nephews who well they ruined a mattress by weeing on it whilst pissed whilst drinking local brew then refused to pay for a new one.

There were words between stepdad and his brother over this (now sorted!).

but it is expensive generally running a holiday home!

NotActuallyAMum Mon 17-Mar-14 13:41:44

No the neighbours don't have keys, I wouldn't expect them to take that kind of responsibility to be honest

I'm definitely going to have the conversation that Quejica suggested when I give him the keys, I love that idea

HelloBoys Mon 17-Mar-14 13:42:33

Quejica yes that was a gem. smile

NotActuallyAMum Mon 17-Mar-14 13:43:26

HelloBoys that's awful, I'd be absolutely gutted if anything like that happened. We only normally let immediate family go, this really is a one off because he did me a favour

HelloBoys Mon 17-Mar-14 13:44:33

NotActually - just FYI. My parents neighbours don't have keys but take note (quietly) about who's there (in otherwise empty house) as it's a tiny hamlet in SW France.

My mum's friend has keys and people staying see her generally I think. She lives a 10 minute drive away. She takes loose responsibilty for the holiday home.

Optimist1 Mon 17-Mar-14 13:44:39

Just looking for an alternative explanation, HelloBoys ! (My friends don't call me Pollyanna for nothing.) smile

HelloBoys Mon 17-Mar-14 13:46:33

NotActually - they're not close but thought as they were relatives they could literally take this piss as it were.

Luckily they're grownups and the parents sorted it out (not the nephews - who by the way had wives, kids etc) but my stepdad was seriously annoyed about it! worse as it was his relatives.

Hmm if you said it sleeps four comfortably you can go fri-mon, maybe he's just thought Fred's free, wonder if he can come with? He would still be the responsible one for keep/breakage. He may not realise you wanted to know if he was going alone.

Would you have expected a girlfriend? Wanted to know her name?

Different if he's taking six people but if it's within the sleeping capacity I'm unsure it's relevant.

Quejica Mon 17-Mar-14 13:50:26

Glad to help - I'm famed for my deviousness!

HelloBoys Mon 17-Mar-14 13:51:03

Optimist - I suppose I've seen it with parents people REALLY take the piss sometimes with others generosity.

That's why now my parents lay ground rules about who stays, how long etc. and ALL breakages are paid for!

You'd be amazed sometimes what some less scrupulous people do. Most are lovely.

Oh we had same when I went with boyfriend to large Spanish house (with apartments) owned by family friend Adam who lived in UK. Another friend of family (Deirdre) was staying there letting out apartments, we got a grotty one with no kitchen.

When we raised this with Adam turned out the other friend was pulling a fast one, letting flats to undesirables etc and he was furious and embarrassed on our behalf. They turfed Deirdre out immediately. People taking advantage again, see??

Thing is, say he is planning to go for four nights with four people (perhaps as a misunderstanding, perhaps because he's a cheeky bugger). If you wait until the night before and then do your Lieutenant Columbo act to trick him into coming clean, then tell him he can't do it, then he has to contact his friend and call off their plans, it's really going to torpedo your relationship -- and you do still have to work with this guy, and you have previously had a good relationship.

If you raise the subject now (if you want to be sneaky, ask for his car registration and what time he's planning to arrive on the Friday because you have to give that information to the site owners for security purposes) it gives everyone a chance to sort it out without losing face.

PrimalLass Mon 17-Mar-14 13:58:32

Primalass really? You honestly can't understand why someone might not want 2 strangers staying in her caravan without being asked?

No, not really. I think it's all a bit prescriptive and am not sure why she bothered at all.

If you're going to worry about it then I'd have a chat with him making it clear. Something along the lines of:

'We don't usually let other people apart from family stay in our caravan because it feels very much like a second home to us. We're delighted for you to stay especially after the favour you did for us but I've been worrying a bit that I didn't make this clear. I know I said that there would be plenty of room for you and your wife but we wouldn't feel comfortable with people we don't know going so we wouldn't be happy if you wanted to take friends with you. Just wanted to let you know so that there aren't any misunderstandings'.

Although the suggestion that you make a comment when handing over the keys is fine, this would enable them to change plans if they were wanting to go away with friends. And although they would be cheeky it might have been a misunderstanding rather than them deliberately taking the piss. If you genuinely want to return the favour you don't want there to be bad feeling because they think you're being precious and you think they're cheeky chancers do you? Why not clear it up in advance?

Do it by email if you're worried about having the chat in person.

olympicsrock Mon 17-Mar-14 14:00:18

I think you are making lots of assumptions. Perhaps they will head down Friday am and do something nice near the caravan. They may be doing something at home on Monday. They may have suggested that their friends book into a nearby B&B. You sound like you are getting your knickers in a twist about not much at the moment.

PrimalLass Mon 17-Mar-14 14:01:09

Primal - I suppose either you've never had a holiday home (and the expenses) or been concerned about who stays there. It is OP's holiday home, not the colleagues. How would the colleague like it if OP and her whole family/friends did same to colleague? NOT A LOT.

If someone offered me the use of their caravan for the weekend, unless they said 'this is just for you and specified other person', then I probably wouldn't realise that is what they meant. But I find a lot of things that MNers get bother about a bit baffling.

Cross posted with Debbie. Yes exactly.

PrimalLass it's not 'a bit prescriptive' to offer 2 nights free accommodation to a couple and be a bit pissed off that they might actually be taking 4 nights with 4 people instead hmm

Cross posted again. Yes PrimalLass I do accept that it might be a misunderstanding though which is why I think it's worth clearing it up now. Not the day before when it will just cause bad feeling. Plus, you might spend the next 2 months worrying over nothing!

leeloo1 Mon 17-Mar-14 14:09:33

I was going to say similar to Quejica - except, could you do a 'standard' email now, detailing terms & conditions, breakages, neighbours keeping a look out, let being for x people, & if any more please notify asap or insurance will be invalid. ;)

DeWe Mon 17-Mar-14 14:13:26

The Friday off work i can totally understand who he'd rather go up in the morning, and actually it doesn't matter to you. Bringing extra people (although maybe they are staying somewhere else-could they also have a caravan there?) is very cheeky, staying over to the Monday is a little cheeky without checking with you.

I find it strange though that he wouldn't have said something to you. If you're not using it then I don't see why he didn't say "Would it be okay if we went up earlier on the Friday and stayed to the Monday as I've got some holiday to use?" I suspect you'd say "no problem", and wouldn't think anything of it.

NotActuallyAMum Mon 17-Mar-14 14:42:14

DeWe that's exactly it - it is strange that he hasn't asked, that's what I'm annoyed about

Also, you are right: if he does ask in between now and then if he can go for a bit longer and take their friends I will definitely say that it's OK but I think he should ask and not just assume it's OK

I will admit that I'm very protective of our caravan, we spend a lot of time there it's very much our second home and our pride and joy

whois Mon 17-Mar-14 15:37:06

The extra night wouldn't bother me, that's still within the bounds of a weekend.

However taking friends is really not on without asking.

Don't be all lame and PA about this. Just ask them straight up - "hey, don't want to sound precious but obviously as this is our second home we don't really have many people staying there so just wanted to make clear the invite is just for you and your partner, hope that's ok"

maddening Mon 17-Mar-14 15:50:17

Ask him to drop key at yours on Sunday on his way home as you have a friend going for a few nights picking the key up on the sunday evening.so that they can set off that night.

Cakecrumbsinmybra Mon 17-Mar-14 15:59:59

I think you are spending far too much time worrying about what might be happening - either do something about it or accept that it's happening! I would do what the pp suggested - when you hand over the keys ask what time you will be arriving and that your neighbour will be looking out for one couple arriving at that time.

Cakecrumbsinmybra Mon 17-Mar-14 16:01:12

* when they will be arriving obviously, not you!

PastPerfect Mon 17-Mar-14 16:33:47

Another one really not understanding the issue here.

I genuinely don't understand why it would bother you if he stays an extra night or indeed if he invites another couple although good knows what the other couple are thinking sharing a caravan is a little to close for comfort for me

EverythingIsAwesome Mon 17-Mar-14 16:47:37

I totally get the issue here, and would feel the same. YANBU op, and they are definitely cheeky if it is true!

anonacfr Mon 17-Mar-14 16:55:35

Wasn't there a thread a while ago about a neighbour moving into someone else's second home in Mexico?

Yes, it was the cheeky thread in Classics. OP, you should definitely read that as it will make you feel a lot better. Or possibly more terrified... grin

Cheeky thread is worth a look in general (I think the gooseberries may be my favourite) but the Mexico story comes in at Sat 20-Apr-13 14:52:07.

PrimalLass Mon 17-Mar-14 20:17:27

Yellowdinosaur - I wouldn't offer if I was going to be worried about whether someone went with their partner or someone else. She doesn't know there are 4 people going, so unless she said 'you can only take your partner' then how would her colleague know?

I would hate to be offered something like this in return for a favour and then know someone was resenting it on the Internet.

NotActuallyAMum Thu 15-May-14 15:13:47

Well...it looks like I was right! Conversation first thing this morning went something like this:

HIM: When can I come and pick the caravan key up?
ME: I’ll bring it in with me tomorrow
H: <pause> I really wanted it today
M: But you don’t go till tomorrow evening, I’ll be here at 7 in the morning so you’ll have it in plenty of time
H: What shift is <my husband’s name> on?
M: Erm...afternoons...why?
H: Can you give him a text and ask him to bring it in before he goes to work?
M: No he can’t do that
H: Why?
M: He’s busy in the garden
H: Can you go home at lunchtime and get it then?
M: Err...no
H: Why?
M: I wouldn’t have time to get there and back in my lunch break. I don’t understand the problem – you’re going tomorrow evening and you’re getting the key in the morning, am I missing something?
H: <stutters a bit> No it’s OK I’ll collect it in the morning. It won’t be at 7 though it’ll be between 8 and half past
M: OK I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll e-mail you the directions/instructions, you’ll need to take these with you because there’s information on there that you’ll need while you’re there. Also just to let you know (I then had the conversation with him about us and our neighbours telling each other exactly who, when and how long if anyone else goes and said that when he leaves on Sunday afternoon/evening he’ll need to leave the key with <name> in caravan <number> next door)
H: Oh...erm...OK I’ll wait for your e-mail
M: I’ll send it in the next 10 minutes

So I sent him the e-mail and got the following reply:

Thank you for that but did I not tell you that X and X were coming with us?

I replied “No, there was no mention of anyone else going, if you read the e-mail I sent you in March I offered you and <wife’s name> the caravan for 2 nights and your reply said “Great thanks we’ll look forward to that”. Shall I re-send it so that you can have another look?

His answer: “No I’ve still got it. If it’s a problem I can put them off?

To which I replied that no it was OK for him to take them but there will be things in the way in the second bedroom because we didn’t think anyone would be using it. He said it wouldn’t be a problem, they’ll take it as it is and they're going to "get straight off" as soon as they've got the key

It’ll be very interesting to see if they cancel their day off on Monday. I really wish I’d just bought him some beer for the favour he did me, and I certainly won't be asking him to do anything else!

kali110 Thu 15-May-14 15:24:16

I don't see the problem with him going early friday or thur night instead of friday night however if he has invited another couple he should have asked you first.

NotActuallyAMum Thu 15-May-14 15:40:03

Going early tomorrow isn't a problem, staying an extra night - or two as I suspected they were planning on doing - definitely would have been

I also couldn't help but notice the "Did I not tell you X and X were coming with us" and not "Did I not ask if X and X could come"

He won't be going again

MrsRuffdiamond Thu 15-May-14 15:43:40

You get the Sherlock award for services to sleuthing! Very impressive, the way you saw right from the start how all the pieces were fitting together.

I think it's really cheeky of your colleague to plan something like this without asking you first. If he'd been up front about it, you'd probably have agreed, anyway.

OnlyLovers Thu 15-May-14 15:49:12

'did I not tell you that X and X were coming with us?' is flat-out brass neck. You're a nicer person than me, OP; I'd have been tempted to withdraw the offer completely. I also think he's a spineless creep for not bringing it up when you were talking face to face but waiting to do it over email.

And after he said 'If it’s a problem I can put them off?' I'd have said 'Well, it's not really about "putting them off" –you weren't in a position to invite them in the first place. The offer was for you and your wife.'

But like I said, you're obviously a nicer person. grin

NotActuallyAMum Thu 15-May-14 15:49:58

MrsRuff it was too much of a coincidence that they both booked the 2 days' holiday so soon after me telling him he could go to the caravan

And yes you're spot on - we wouldn't have had a problem with any of it had he been up front about it

NotActuallyAMum Thu 15-May-14 15:52:12

Thank you OnlyLovers, good to know someone agrees with me that they were cheeky smile

KoalaFace Thu 15-May-14 15:56:10

shock cheeky bugger!

Shinyfly Thu 15-May-14 16:04:03

I don't get this either. If you're not using it and they don't break anything I don't see what the issue is. Can I ask what the original favour was?

Puzzledandpissedoff Thu 15-May-14 16:04:08

If it’s a problem I can put them off?

Typical passive aggressive nonsense, trying to make you look like the mean one

That's the trouble with having a holiday place - people push their luck constantly. My cousin has a lovely caravan in Devon, and on hearing about it her neighbour said "oh wonderful, my son and his mate will be able to use it"

Unfortunately they're drunken thugs with siginificant criminal records, but my cousin's a gentle and generous soul who prefers to be diplomatic. It took ages for the neighbour to take on board that they would NOT be using the caravan; she just kept on and on .....

NotActuallyAMum Thu 15-May-14 16:13:16

Shinyfly the original favour was a bit of work he did on DHs car, it only took him half an hour but we needed it doing urgently - in time for a trip to the caravan in fact. We just feel that we've given him an inch and he's tried to take a mile

Puzzledandpissedoff (love the name grin) we've had similar with one of my pisshead nephews: "Oh great! A family caravan!" Err...no I don't think so

middleagedspread Thu 15-May-14 16:13:26

I'd be put out. You offered 2 people, 2 nights. He proposes 4 people , 4 nights.
He's rude, you're not.

SarcyMare Thu 15-May-14 16:23:47

is the extra night actually costing you anything? is it actually inconveniencing(damn spelling) you in any way?
if not what is the problem?

NotActuallyAMum Thu 15-May-14 16:28:21

Thank you middleagedspread smile

SarcyMare we could have charged at least £40 a night for the caravan, and any extra nights they might have helped themselves to would have meant more gas and electric than we had planned. No inconvenience but the problem is what middleagedspread said - we offered 2 people 2 nights and they tried to help themselves to 4 people for 4 nights which we think is taking the piss

itiswhatitiswhatitis Thu 15-May-14 16:31:10

I think the problem is that our of courtesy he should have asked. Plus where do you draw the line with these things?

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Thu 15-May-14 16:34:04

Yes he is cheeky.
I can understand him wanting to set off early and have an extra night there, making the most of your offer.
However he has had since March to ask you if he could stay Thursday night through to Monday afternoon, without being too cheeky. Leaving it till today is not fair really.
Also inviting others to stay in your caravan without your consent is not on at all.
Had he asked at the time, or even in the weeks after, that would not have been too bad. But telling you at the last minute is very cheeky.
These additional guests are not friends of yours, and I can understand why you might not want them in your space without your prior knowledge.
I however would never take advantage of such a kind offer wink "hint hint" grin

The problem is they didn't check, you may have had someone else in it on either Thursday or Sunday evening. Cheeky lot.

MyLatest Thu 15-May-14 16:35:36

I agree he was a bit cheeky and it was a shame he didn't just ask. He was overstepping.

OddFodd Thu 15-May-14 16:39:20

The problem is that she offered 2 adults 2 nights in her caravan as a thank you - not 4 people 4 nights. That's just bloody cheeky.

I am shocked that anyone thinks it's okay. I'll try that next time I rent a holiday house - take double the number of people and stay double the time I've paid for and see if they mind hmm

pluCaChange Thu 15-May-14 16:43:37

I remember when you first posted about this! You handled it rather graciously. smile

NotActuallyAMum Thu 15-May-14 16:44:43

Nice to know that most people agree with me, I knew I'd get honest opinions on here smile

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks grin

NotActuallyAMum Thu 15-May-14 16:45:38

Thank you pluCaChange I have to admit I've been dreading the time coming but I've tried not to think about it too much (honest...)

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Thu 15-May-14 16:47:05

Yay! I shall pack my bags ready grin

Worth a try, and still not as cheeky as your "friend" wink

Llareggub Thu 15-May-14 16:52:44

It's quite normal to take a day off either side of 2 nights away I think. I use my mother's caravan quite a bit and load up my car with duvets, sheets, pillows as well as food, clothes etc. I have been known to take a PS2 for those rainy nights! It all takes time and I like to drive down and stop on the way for provisions.

Coming back I quite like the luxury of a day at home to sort it all out, do the washing etc. It can be a bit exhausting doing it all on the Sunday.

It is a bit weird about the other people. I'd just ask.

NatashaBee Thu 15-May-14 16:58:10

Great detective work smile YANBU at all, it really pisses me off when you try and do something nice for someone, and instead of saying 'Thankyou', they say 'but can I also have...'.

Floggingmolly Thu 15-May-14 17:06:16

Why would you offer your (currently empty) caravan to someone for the use of two people for two nights? confused
If it was a hotel stay you were paying for; fair enough, you get to state the boundaries, but a caravan off season that you weren't using anyway??
What bloody difference did it make?
If you have seriously been obsessing about this for months (hmm), perhaps it's best if you don't do any more "favours" for people who mightn't realise what a huge issue this is for you.
I certainly wouldn't have

Of course it's a piss take. I bet those saying they can't see what the problem is wouldn't say the same if it was paid for. It's upto the op who stays in her property and how long for not a freeloading group of pisstakers. "Ok, I see the 2 days of completely free accommodation and utilities you are offering. However I'm going to double your generosity without asking you. Cheers!" Op, next time he does your car you know you have to turn up with a friend and her car in tow don't you? "Did I not tell you Jane needed her brakes sorting?! I thought I did. Oh well."

OddFodd Thu 15-May-14 17:18:22

FloggingMolly - really? You don't think twice the number of people for twice the length of time the OP offered is taking the piss? Twice the wear and tear and twice the gas/electricity?

Can I come and stay then? One night for one person that you haven't invited should be absolutely fine

Greyhound Thu 15-May-14 17:22:16

God, that's really cheeky! He's bringing another couple? That's well out of order.

Pastperfect Thu 15-May-14 17:26:52

What a load of passive aggressive bollocks from the pair of you.

I really don't see the big deal -one bloody night of extra gas or whatever. You're not there. You're not losing money. He did you a favour which actually cost him his time and convenience. I don't suppose he'll bother next time give that you have been deliberately and obviously awkward.

LtEveDallas Thu 15-May-14 17:27:43

If it was a hotel stay you were paying for; fair enough, you get to state the boundaries, but a caravan off season that you weren't using anyway

I don't know about OP, but if we were to offer to do this with our Static, then the following would apply:

1. We have 2 bedrooms, but only one is suitable for adults. The other bed is only 5 ft long and used for kids only.
2. We are only allowed to have people use our caravan from a list of people we had to provide when we first bought it - I'd have to pretend that the two people were Xx and YY (and have done this before), so if I didn't know about 2 more people they wouldn't be covered.
3. Gas & Electric actually costs. Budgeting for 2 days worth versus 4 days worth.
4. The stuff we leave down there is OURS, ok if we know the people using it, not when 2 more strangers are going to be there - what if something is nicked/broken?
5. Are they all going in one car, or two? We have to pay for a 'clicker' to get in and out the gates - two cars two clickers.
6. Is there a club on site? Do they need to book in for entry? Their ID won't match with who is supposed to sleep there.
7. Are they taking their own bedding? Do I have to plan to wash/replace one set or two - I'd be pissed off not knowing I should have bought clean bedding for DD because someone uninvited used hers.

...and that's all off the top of my head.

LtEveDallas Thu 15-May-14 17:29:27

And May isn't 'off season' it's the start of High season in our 'resort'

cansu Thu 15-May-14 17:32:40

you have offered him the weekend what difference does it make if he goes up earlier or not? Also tbh what difference does it make if the other couple go as well? It seems a bit bizarre to worry about this when you have offered him the use of it. He probably has no idea that this would make any difference to you. If it was me I would assume that by offering the caravan you wanted me to enjoy the use of it and wouldn't give a toss what time I got there and who else might be with me. As long as he leaves it clean and tidy, why are you bothered? I think if you are you maybe shouldn't have offered it in the first place.

OddFodd Thu 15-May-14 17:46:12

FFS there's some people here who've never been on holiday clearly if they don't understand the difference between 2 and 4. Or perhaps they're just innumerate

Pastperfect Thu 15-May-14 18:38:51

oddfodd since you've got it all figured out perhaps you can explain how it ^actually* makes a difference to the OP I'd there are four people or two.

nauticant Thu 15-May-14 18:40:47

you have offered him the weekend what difference does it make if he goes up earlier or not?

oddfodd since you've got it all figured out perhaps you can explain how it ^actually* makes a difference to the OP I'd there are four people or two.

It's about honesty and courtesy. If you can't get that, there's no point having it explained to you.

LtEveDallas Thu 15-May-14 18:50:09

oddfodd since you've got it all figured out perhaps you can explain how it actually makes a difference to the OP I'd there are four people or two

Pastperfect, what about my explanation? I gave 7 reasons. That's why it makes a difference.

MintyChops Thu 15-May-14 18:52:44

Cheeky bastard, totally understand why it's not on.

OddFodd Thu 15-May-14 19:16:52

See LtEveDallas' post, Pastperfect, and/or read the one from the OP where she says:

we could have charged at least £40 a night for the caravan, and any extra nights they might have helped themselves to would have meant more gas and electric than we had planned.

I think that's fairly clear

eddielizzard Thu 15-May-14 19:29:04

lack of respect really, isn't it? he doesn't give a shit about you or your belongings or what you're prepared to give. it's all about what he can get.

can't stand those types. total turn-off.

Roseformeplease Thu 15-May-14 19:29:09

Also, if he knew that it would be OK with the OP to go for longer and with twice as many people, then surely he wouldn't have been so secretive about e getting of key arrangements and the numbers going.

The colleague knows full well he is taking the piss and is covering his tracks. He probably blabbed to the other couple about his opportunity and wanted to play the big man, offering a free weekend so he looks good to his friends. Meanwhile, the OP pays the extra.

And I don't care why the OP would prefer 2 nights for 2 people. That is HER choice with HER caravan. Trying to sneak around this is dishonest - almost stealing.

expatinscotland Thu 15-May-14 19:35:14

Very cheeky!

phantomnamechanger Thu 15-May-14 19:36:48

He's bloody cheeky and all those saying you are making a fuss over nothing are probably just as entitled if they think the behaviour is OK! What if you had wanted to book your own mini holiday for one of the extra nights? or what if you had promised it to another friend who had done you a favour and they weren't leaving till the Friday lunchtime.

I hope it rains on them !

expatinscotland Thu 15-May-14 19:39:00

I would ask him point blank and say again, the offer was for you two only, for two nights.

phantomnamechanger Thu 15-May-14 19:41:17

another thing - we have no idea what he has said to the other couple...maybe he suggested way back that they book a static caravan together for a long weekend and split the cost? maybe the other couple are actually paying cheeky git for their half of the free stay in the OPs caravan!

pluCaChange Thu 15-May-14 19:41:49

He was definitely being shifty about getting the key, so it's clear that, on some level, he knew he hadn't been offered what he was going to take.

Shinyfly Thu 15-May-14 19:54:40

So he did some urgent work on your car and you only saved £50, did you pay him something and did he give you a discount or did he do it entirely for free? Either way given the hourly rate of emergency mechanics I would suggest you saved a bit more than £50. On top of the discounted/free work, he also gave up his time enabling you to be able to drive to your caravan to enjoy your holiday, because had he not you wouldn't have been able to go.

I would suggest that is is worth a stay of 4 nights for 2 couples at no cost to you than the gas (which I doubt would cost £50) AND there is no excuse for the snooping.

AllDirections Thu 15-May-14 19:59:37

oddfodd since you've got it all figured out perhaps you can explain how it ^actually makes a difference to the OP I'd there are four people or two.*

I don't expect the OP wanted strangers sleeping in her children's beds hmm

phantomnamechanger Thu 15-May-14 20:16:09

AND there is no excuse for the snooping


don't you mean AND there is no excuse for him thinking he is entitled to extra time over and above what he was offered in the OPs caravan and to take however many other people he wants along with him?

If the work on the car only took half an hour then £50 seems pretty likely to be right to me. And there is a cost to the OP over and above the gas as she could have rented it out.

expatinscotland Thu 15-May-14 20:21:42

You can see just from this thread how entitled a lot of cheeky people are.

phantomnamechanger Thu 15-May-14 20:27:37

indeed expat - never ceases to amaze me how many people think a bit of covert dishonesty is perfectly OK as long as you don't get caught out!

LtEveDallas Thu 15-May-14 20:27:44

One bottle of gas costs us £42. In cold weather it will only last a week - and that's not winter cold, thats classic British springtime cold smile. One October we went through two bottles in a week shock because it was bloody Baltic.

Electric, not too much, maybe a fiver as long as you don't have the TV on continuously.

Add that to the £320 OP could have got for renting it out and he's had a pretty good deal.

NotActuallyAMum Thu 15-May-14 20:54:07

Of course we paid him for doing the car - why wouldn't we? His labour costs were less than we would have paid a garage, hence us saving around �50. We offered him and his wife the caravan for 2 nights a good few days after the job had been done, it would definitely have been un unexpected extra for him

expatinscotland Thu 15-May-14 21:08:17

Tell him, 'The caravan is for two nights for you two. I have someone coming in Sunday night.'

phantomnamechanger Thu 15-May-14 21:09:05

blimey, it gets worse! you paid him for the work on the car, the free holiday was an extra thank you and he's still being a grabby cheeky so-and-so about it by thinking its OK to try to take more than was offered on the sly!

NotActuallyAMum Fri 16-May-14 08:38:23

Yes phantomnamechanger this was in addition to us paying him for doing the job, albeit at a lower rate than we would otherwise have paid

He's been for the key...and asked if he could bring it back to me next week. I said no, as I said yesterday he must give it to <name> in caravan <number> on Sunday when he leaves as they need it for Monday

I'll be very interested to see if they both cancel their day off on Monday

Can't believe he's still trying to wangle more than he was offered! That is beyond cheeky.

For those that don't get it, would you walk in to a shop, buy one pack of crisps, but take four? Same principle!

Pastperfect Fri 16-May-14 09:37:03

Of course it's not the same as taking extra crisps from the shop confused

OP offered him a "weekend" I really don't think it is entitled to say "that's so kind would you mind if we made the most of it and went down Thursday night" or whatever. I get that he didn't and the "dishonesty" is unreasonable so just call him on it. The passive aggressive bullshit is wearing.

FWIW I wouldn't behave like the colleague but equally I wouldn't behave like the OP either.

MrsJK Fri 16-May-14 09:42:18

Shamelessly making my place for the update grin

NotActuallyAMum Fri 16-May-14 09:45:54

Pastperfect it's not true that I offered him a "weekend". I offered him 2 nights, and 2 nights is 2 nights and not 4

I do get that I probably should have said something though but I'm a wimp blush

nauticant Fri 16-May-14 09:48:35

If you'd said something we wouldn't be having this developing story with, potentially, a big pay-off next week. For that reason alone YANBU OP.

msmoss Fri 16-May-14 09:52:46

Well the moral of the story is next time you need a favour that will save you £50 don't take the favour and just pay the £50.

MostlyCake Fri 16-May-14 09:56:00

Me too MrsJK!

PlumpPartridge Fri 16-May-14 10:00:10

<casually drops place marker>


RockinHippy Fri 16-May-14 10:11:42

You have way more patience than me

He's an out & cheeky fecker & the passive aggressively telling you he had invited the other couple & was it okay, would have got a very firm, NO, it's definitely not okay, this is our second home, I am doing you a favour by loaning you our spare room in that second home & did not offer the use of our own bedroom to you or anyone else - so no, it's not okay, you can put them off as you offer

The setting off early on Friday wouldn't bother me so much, the staying an extra night without asking would & no way would I accept the extra couple that I neither know, nor had invited

Can't stand entitled pee takers like this man


NotActuallyAMum Fri 16-May-14 10:16:36

RockinHippy the setting off early today hasn't bothered us at all, but we still think he was planning on going yesterday and also staying Sunday night which we would have been bothered about

msmoss don't worry, fortunately this was a one-off. Our 'usual' mechanic (also works here) was on holiday at the time and someone else suggested we ask this man as he also does work on cars in the evenings and at weekends to supplement his income. We will absolutely not ask him again

I so wish I'd just paid him for the job and left it at that

HazleNutt Fri 16-May-14 10:20:01

Reminds me of the Mexican house thief. You should probably also specify that by 2 nights, you only meant this weekend and it's not an open invitation to use the caravan whenever he wants. No really, some people need to be told this. See here

Post from WeAreEternal Sat 20-Apr-13 14:52:07

I agree hes being very cheeky however something is bugging me. Surely hes going for 3 nights? Where does 4 nights come from?

NotActuallyAMum Fri 16-May-14 10:26:25

OMG HazleNutt I remember that! Thankfully our neighbours over there do genuinely keep an eye out, we all do it for each other and always tell each other if anyone else is going

hoppingmad Fri 16-May-14 10:27:52

Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday? I think that was his original intention.
Op I think you've played this very well actually - he knows he's been a cheeky git without you coming across as confrontational

Ah sorry. I thought he intended friday morning to monday evening

CloverHeart Fri 16-May-14 10:36:58

Well I'm glad you set him straight OP, but I wouldn't let him stay again! Why is it when it comes to holiday homes people feel so bloody entitled angry

nauticant Fri 16-May-14 10:46:02

Op I think you've played this very well actually - he knows he's been a cheeky git without you coming across as confrontational

Yes, I definitely agree with this.

OnlyLovers Fri 16-May-14 10:51:17

He's been for the key...and asked if he could bring it back to me next week.

Christ, he's STILL trying it on? Seriously, OP, this would be the last straw for me. I'd have withdrawn the offer if he'd said that to me.

This, on top of asking along another couple, trying to wangle four nights when you said two, bare-facedly asking you to go home for the key at lunchtime, evading the issue when you gave him a chance in face-to-face conversation, sending a passive-aggressive email about how 'x and y were coming' as well and he thought he'd 'told' you, and 'putting them off' ... He's a fucking chancer.

Those saying it's not a big deal are chancers equally. Even if the extra two nights didn't matter in a material way (and they do – power costs, wear and tear, inconvenience if the OP or someone else was booked to use the caravan), they matter morally very much.

frankie001 Fri 16-May-14 10:52:09

He is being cheeky and rude. I'd be annoyed too.

NotActuallyAMum Fri 16-May-14 10:52:29

Thank you everyone, good to know most of you agree with me smile

CloverHeart that's a very good question! I don't have the answer but we have had so many people assuming that because we have a caravan they can use it without paying

And no, this particular person definitely won't go again!

Pastperfect Fri 16-May-14 10:54:02

Ok sorry OP - someone else mentioned you offering a weekend and I got confused.

I do sympathise - I have a holiday home and I find you have to be all or nothing - so I either let people stay and get on with it or I don't let them stay at all - I find the half hearted approach of extending invites but then imposing lots of rules just frustrates everyone.

NotActuallyAMum Fri 16-May-14 10:55:30

OnlyLovers that's just it - morally it certainly does matter to us. I said this earlier in the thread - we very much feel that we've given him an inch and he's stolen a mile

nauticant Fri 16-May-14 10:56:12

Inviting a couple of people for a specified period is imposing lots of rules?

You've just gotta love mumsnetworld.

NotActuallyAMum Fri 16-May-14 10:59:34

It's awkward Pastperfect isn't it? We're not selfish people, we know we're very lucky to have what we've got and we don't mind sharing it but we do mind when people take the piss!

expatinscotland Fri 16-May-14 11:03:17


NotActuallyAMum Fri 16-May-14 11:03:56

Nauticant I missed that bit, have to agree that surely inviting specific people for a specific period isn't imposing lots of rules. Surely that's the way it works? Our own family wouldn't dream of having extra nights or taking other people without checking with us first

NotActuallyAMum Fri 16-May-14 11:04:28

expat grin yes that just about sums it up I reckon

expatinscotland Fri 16-May-14 11:07:34

Anyone who, given an inch, try to take a mile is a pisstaking, cheeky fuck.

Weekend = Saturday and Sunday.

Make sure he gives the key back.

Puzzledandpissedoff Fri 16-May-14 11:13:01

We have had so many people assuming that because we have a caravan they can use it without paying

Sadly, I'm not at all surprised since I've seen it happen time and time again

Look on the bright side, though - this guy is a good heads up on what to avoid in the future smile

SATSmadness Fri 16-May-14 11:40:50

Well done for not giving in to the piss-taker and his repeated efforts to sneakily outwit you.

IMHO such people generally think of themselves as just being clever and making the most of opportunities that come their way.

Am so looking forward to seeing if he tries to extend the stay with some ruse or other such as vehicle problems.

Pastperfect Fri 16-May-14 11:49:01

Mexican holiday home was one of my favourite threads ever smile

Icelollycraving Fri 16-May-14 12:06:41

I think I would have simply said you had family staying before & after. He will be backtracking to the other colleague. If you have to work with these people,be gracious & let it go. They will still take Monday off,why wouldn't they? They'll probably leave as late as possible.

Stinkle Fri 16-May-14 12:24:16

It is cheeky, and I wouldn't more people staying there for double the length of time I'd agreed to either.

My parents have a holiday home that they lend to family and close friends. They lent it to a couple they thought were their friends a few years ago, the couple had borrowed it before with no problems, but this time they bought 2 other couple with them without mentioning it to my parents. £2k worth of damage later these people are no longer their friends.

My parents have worked hard on it, when they retire they plan on selling their current home and moving there full time. It's very precious to them and they're careful who they lend it to

Stinkle Fri 16-May-14 12:26:21

And you'd be surprised how much people you thought were your friends (and even family) take the piss with these things.

I stayed there after my Dad's cousin had been there for a week for free and the state they left the place in was unreal

restandpeace Fri 16-May-14 12:27:25

What difrence does it make?

iirc Fri 16-May-14 12:27:59

Marks place.

What a cheeky gut.

Stinkle Fri 16-May-14 12:31:15

Why does it matter if it makes a difference or not?

It's the OP's property, it's precious to her, she has every right to decide who gets to stay there and for how long.

If the person borrowing it doesn't like the rules imposed, they can pay to stay somewhere else

AgaPanthers Fri 16-May-14 12:31:33

Caravans are shit anyway.


WTFlike Fri 16-May-14 12:44:13

I would be furious. Can you get your neighbour to disconnect the electricity/sabotage the toilet or something for the weekend?

TalisaMaegyr Fri 16-May-14 12:51:30

Fucking hell, there are some rude dickheads on this thread hmm

Of course it matters! It's the principle! I can only assume that those of you that disagree are cheeky fucks yourselves.

MrsRuffdiamond Fri 16-May-14 13:04:14

Caravans are shit anyway.

Why? Have you had a negative static caravan experience?

I stayed in one once, and it was fine. What I can't understand is the love affair with camping. I hope never to have to endure the privations of living under canvas. At least in a caravan you can still watch telly and cook pizza and chips. Who wants to live on tinned beans and sausages? grin

NotActuallyAMum Fri 16-May-14 13:08:30

WTFlike grin it would be very mean of me to do anything like that, I couldn't do it

Agree with MrsRuffdiamond about living under canvas but we love our caravan. As Stinkle says it's very precious to us

MissDuke Fri 16-May-14 13:13:34

It was very generous of you to make the offer so I agree it was extremely cheeky of them to take the mick like this. Why on earth he didn't just ask is beyond me. YANBU!!!!!

WeAreEternal Fri 16-May-14 13:16:14

I am the poster who has the house in Mexico and the checky neighbour who used it as his own personal holiday home for two years.

People like this never change, my advice would be to make it clear to him that this was a one time favour.

Unfortunately my neighbor is still a cheeky user.
Last summer he found out that my brother had bought a house in Italy and he did everything he could to try and get an invitation to use it.

I ended up havering a serious word with his DW and it seemed to have worked because in the last 6 months he has hardly borrowed anything without asking. (It used to be an almost daily problem).

NotActuallyAMum Fri 16-May-14 13:32:55

<bows to WeAreEternal>

shock at your neighbour yet again!!

nochips01 Fri 16-May-14 13:38:33

People are cheeky.

Okay I am place marking but here we go.

We live (and that is live, NOT a holiday home) in a lovely area that is a popular tourist destination. You can set your clock by the people you never hear from until late May who call to say hi, then call a few weeks later call again to ask if they can come and stay for a weekend.

Last year, I had the call from one pair who are repeat offenders. They claimed they would love to see us etc etc etc. I said that terribly sorry, but the weekend they wanted to come we were going to a wedding in Kent.

The response was 'Oh never mind. Could you leave the key somewhere and let us know where we can get it'.

My DH is not a confrontational person. His language was something to behold.

Itsfab Fri 16-May-14 13:55:49

Is it today he has gone?

He really is an entitled shit. He KNEW he hadn't told hmm you Mr and Mrs cheeky fuckers were going as well. He tried again and again to wangle longer there. I would have refused to let him go at all after that. You paid him for his work. He lost the right to a bonus when he started acting like an entitled twat.

Jackie0 Fri 16-May-14 13:59:04

I bet the cheeky sod didn't tell his wife and friends the true scenario. Omg could you imagine being one of the friends and discovering you absolutely should not have been there?
I wonder how he explained going down a day later than expected.
No good deed goes unpunished (-;

Puzzledandpissedoff Fri 16-May-14 14:06:31

... the response was 'Oh never mind. Could you leave the key somewhere and let us know where we can get it'

Forgive me, but I'm still laughing over that - the sheer balls of some of these people is incredible. Funny thing is, they're often the very first to take offence if something which doesn't quite suit happens to THEM hmm

HolidayCriminal Fri 16-May-14 14:17:42

Taking extra friends wouldn't bother me at all but extra nights would be quite cheeky in my book.

quietbatperson Fri 16-May-14 14:18:20

Actually it could be 4 times as much in utilities etc as:

Imagine that each person per night represents 1 unit of power/gas/water/cleaning etc

2 people x 2 nights is 4 units
4 people x 4 nights is 16 units

Utter pisstake! Nicely handled OP.

nochips01 Fri 16-May-14 14:18:53

The writing had been on the wall the year earlier when they came and once arrived asked if we would host a BBQ for some of their friends who lived nearby.

Icimoi Fri 16-May-14 14:23:22

I may have missed something, but why are we assuming he is or was planning to take 4 nights? OP hasn't suggested he raised any problems when she told him how long he could have the keys for, she seems simply to be assuming it from the fact that he's taking Friday to Monday off. As others have pointed out, he could well have planned to travel up early today and come back on Sunday evening, leaving Monday free for unpacking, washing, and doing other stuff at home.

badtime Fri 16-May-14 14:36:37

Did you miss the post where he was demanding that the OP go home at lunch to pick up the keys and give them to him yesterday?

badtime Fri 16-May-14 14:38:13

Or where he asked if he could give the keys back to the OP next week rather than drop them with her neighbour on Sunday night, as she had already said to?

NotActuallyAMum Fri 16-May-14 14:40:14

Icimoi I will never know for sure, but it seemed too much of a coincidence that the pair of them both booked the 2 days off within days of me making the offer. Also, he tried very hard to get the keys off me yesterday - said he "really needed them today", asked if my DH could bring them down before going to work then asked me to go home in my lunch break to get them. He only lives 10 minutes away from here so the reason for that definitely wasn't because it would have been out of his way to fetch them today

nochips02 your 'friends' are shocking!

Yes they have gone today, sorry can't remember who asked that blush

NotActuallyAMum Fri 16-May-14 14:40:57

Crossed with badtime smile

HolidayCriminal Fri 16-May-14 14:42:23

"2 people x 2 nights is 4 units
4 people x 4 nights is 16 units"

OP is repaying a £50 favour. I presume OP isn't paying £50 for 16 units of lekki?

WeAreEternal Fri 16-May-14 14:47:04

It has taken me nearly 6 years to put my foot down though, DP is a lot firmer with him and will just say 'no you take the piss so you can't borrow anything ever' but I am too nice and too much of a wimp.

AgaPanthers Fri 16-May-14 14:47:49

And the other person is probably thinking 'I fixed their car, they would have paid £200 for that in a garage, why are they being so anal?'

What was it they actually fixed with the car anyway?

I've used a 'mates rates' mechanics before and I just paid him cash.

phantomnamechanger Fri 16-May-14 14:48:06

OP, when you get your keys back, change the locks in case he's had it copied to use whenever he likes!

i'm still amazed so many think this is OK (and presumably would try to do the same themselves)

this is the same as saying you will water someone's plants while they are away, then throwing a party at their house because you didn't think they would mind.

no no no

phantomnamechanger Fri 16-May-14 14:49:13

Aga, he did charge them for fixing the car, it was only £50 less than the garage.

AgaPanthers Fri 16-May-14 14:49:33

No need for extra favours I mean, because they don't have premises, advertising, taxes, etc.

AgaPanthers Fri 16-May-14 14:50:34

It just seems very fraught. If somebody is doing something, pay them for it. If it is a gift, give it freely.

Otherwise it just seems to get very muddled up.

NotActuallyAMum Fri 16-May-14 14:50:48

AgaPanthers we paid him cash to do the job, plus an extra fiver more than he asked for - this was an extra 'thank you' from us. I don't know what the problem was, something to with lights, it was DHs car

NotActuallyAMum Fri 16-May-14 15:16:28

I'm off in a bit folks. I've spent waaaaay too much time on here today, sorry boss grin (but I have done almost 15 hours of unpaid overtime this month already)

Our laptop at home is playing up big time, hence me only managing one tiny post last night - which took me ages and then I got a strange symbol instead of a £ so I may not be able to get on over the weekend but I will of course update on Monday with The Return Of The Key

NotActuallyAMum Fri 16-May-14 15:16:58

Also meant to say a big thank you to everyone, I really do appreciate your input, whatever your feelings smile

expatinscotland Fri 16-May-14 15:18:31

Yep, he wanted Thursday to Monday for four. Change the lock barrel, too, people like this have form.

nauticant Fri 16-May-14 15:49:25

Who's to say the OP won't wake up on a weekend and find the "friend" has also borrowed their car overnight having also copied the keys to that? After all, they wouldn't have been using it while asleep.

This post does not have to be taken completely seriously.

Floggingmolly Fri 16-May-14 16:03:56

Heating / lighting charges don't increase exponentially depending on how many people occupy the caravan hmm. You either heat the caravan, or you don't.
You either switch the lights on, or you don't. It'd been better for all concerned if you'd just paid the going rate in the first place, and kept your caravan to yourself.

WTFlike Fri 16-May-14 16:10:50

Tell me where the caravan is and I'll sabotage it. The fuckers.

pluCaChange Fri 16-May-14 16:18:07

With regard to the observation that heating costs don't increase exponentially with more people: there is something to that argument. However, caravan/holiday house heating isn't just of the air, but also of water, for showers, etc. (and is the water metered?)

Moreover, they were going to take four days instead of two, which most definitely is a big increase, number of people notwithstanding.

nauticant Fri 16-May-14 16:28:50

It's really simple. The OP is doing someone a good turn and in return they're taking the piss. Added to that, they are using PA tricks on the OP and effectively lying to her. This situation is made out of unreasonable.

LtEveDallas Fri 16-May-14 17:26:30

Heating and lighting can go up though - using the heaters or electric blankets in two bedrooms instead of one, reading lights/hair dryers/fans (if you are lucky!) in two bedrooms instead of one, two sets of bedding and so on.

Oldraver Fri 16-May-14 17:40:09

I also assume by taking an extra couple the OP's bedroom with her things in (she did say there would be personal stuff there) will be used. Would all those people saying two extras wont matter like it if they had visitors who then bought extra and comandeered their bedroom ?

Marcelinewhyareyousomean Fri 16-May-14 18:46:34

great update weareeternal. thanks

I think keys will come back Tuesday after a breezy misunderstanding and 'it was easier to bring the key to work'

AllDirections Fri 16-May-14 20:49:13

It's not specifically about extra costs though is it? It's about strangers being in the OP's (second) home.

If it is a gift, give it freely.

The OP did give this as a gift freely, the gift of her caravan for her colleague and his partner for 2 nights.

Dubjackeen Fri 16-May-14 21:29:47

The response was 'Oh never mind. Could you leave the key somewhere and let us know where we can get it'.

Words fail me...

PowerPants Sat 17-May-14 00:30:25

I just don't see how anyone on here can think that this man is not totally and utterly taking the piss. For those that have said 'oh what's the difference', you are just as bad as him and are clearly cheeky buggers too!

You offered him a piece for cake, so instead of just taking the cake, he tried to get jam, cream and a bloody great cherry on top!

Puzzledandpissedoff Sat 17-May-14 13:23:36

You forgot the icing, PowerPants wink

Let's look on the bright side - at least they've got a lovely weekend for it, so the caravan won't end up covered in mud hmm

clam Sat 17-May-14 18:05:35

Am stunned to read just how many people are coming on here to ask what the OP is fussing about. Are there really that many rude people in the world?
Although it doesn't matter if other people wouldn't have an issue with it. The point is, the OP does; it's her caravan, she lent it in good faith to one couple for two nights, and they've abused the privilege. And even now they've been made aware she's pissed off about it, they're still trying to wangle extra time from it, without even being upfront about it.

expatinscotland Sat 17-May-14 20:31:20

'Are there really that many rude people in the world?'

Apparently so. Shocking, isn't it?

I'm now waiting to see if he drops the key off as asked on Sunday, or if he stays the extra day.

MrsRuffdiamond Sat 17-May-14 23:31:11

Well, he's certainly got great weather for his cheeky weekend away (unless the caravan's in Scotland grin)

clam Sun 18-May-14 14:11:31

I wonder if you get a phone call later on, saying they'd like to stay an extra night, as the weather is so nice.

OnlyLovers Sun 18-May-14 14:39:22

Going on previous behaviour I don't think he'd have the courtesy to ask; he'd just sneakily stay the extra night.

Mumsnet never fails to amaze me. So many who think that it's ok to take more than you've been offered.

The person set his rate for the car repair and the I paid him in cash then offered him use of a caravan for 2 nights for him and his wife as far as I have read op has always been explicit with regard to 2 nights for 2 people.

Caitlin17 Sun 18-May-14 14:57:43

Personally static caravan would be my idea of holiday hell but goodness sake you are being precious. 4 nights instead of 2 in a static caravan, big deal. It's not costing you anything is it? Why should they not make a long weekend of it?

Frankly your explicit instructions about getting there on the Friday and leaving on the Sunday sound mean.

rollonthesummer Sun 18-May-14 15:17:06

Personally, when he said-'oh is that a problem, do you want me to put them off?' I'd have said yes!

clam Sun 18-May-14 15:58:46

Oh and we have another one!
Caitlin if this guy wanted to take friends and "make a weekend of it," the POLITE thing to do would have been to SPEAK to the OP and ASK her if she would mind. She would almost certainly have said "of course not, go ahead." It's all the deceitful sneaking around that's pissing her off

clam Sun 18-May-14 16:01:12

And I would have picked him up on the "did I not tell you" bit by raising an eyebrow and saying, "you didn't "ask" me, no."

OddFodd Sun 18-May-14 19:33:10

Wow well done Caitlin! You managed to tell the OP she's really cheap and that you are too much of a snob to want to stay in her shitty caravan.

Bravo. Perhaps you should stay in S&B where you're appreciated

hoppingmad Sun 18-May-14 19:51:49

I think some posters are missing the point entirely. It's not relevant whether it costs the op extra. The point is that the offer was 2 nights for 2 people not 4 nights for 4 people.

The op's colleague changed the offer without the consent or knowledge of the op. I consider that to be completely rude and unacceptable behaviour regardless of whether it actually impacts the op in real terms or not.

How on earth someone who offers free use of a caravan can be described as mean I've no idea confused. What a strange world we live in

Any update OP?

phantomnamechanger Sun 18-May-14 20:00:43

marking my place for the update

heidipi Sun 18-May-14 20:53:05

Also place-marking and adding my reverse-type experience - I have a friend who lives in a European city and years ago I stayed for a few days, must have behaved myself cos she later asked me (at a time when I had a boyfriend) to visit again and bring him along. date was arranged but no flights booked and I then split up with said tosspot. As friend and her DP were going to be working during the day when I visited I asked if I could bring a mate instead - answer was No as "we don't want someone we don't know in the flat". They didn't know the ex at all btw.

I didn't make a thing of it, didn't go myself in the end and we lost touch eventually. I put it down to the fact that I had been mostly single since we'd been at school together whereas she had mostly been in l/t relationships so had never done a mini-break alone. I still think it was a bit mean tho.

Anyhoo - looking forward to cheekiness update tomorrow. Apols for derailing. smile

OvertiredandConfused Sun 18-May-14 22:32:55

Waiting for the update.....

Patheticpsammead Sun 18-May-14 22:44:19

I don't understand why you didn't say something back in march though ie no one else is to go with them and it's 2 nights only. Then he would have been totally clear!

QOD Sun 18-May-14 22:58:42


YesIcan Sun 18-May-14 23:10:33

I loved the Mexico thread.
Pathetic - because it would not have occurred to the OP that the guy would take such mean advantage. If I were offered a gift like this , followed by instructions on not abusing the invite, I would feel offended and probably refuse.

NotActuallyAMum Mon 19-May-14 08:01:58


He took the key to our neighbours just after 6pm yesterday. She went and had a look around and to be fair she said it's "as clean and tidy as it always is" so that's one good thing


He IS at work today! He's already been in touch to ask when he can go again and how much do we charge, to which I said that we don't actually rent it out and this was a one-off as a thank you for doing DHs car

No idea if his mate is at work or not but I think that's irrelevant

eddielizzard Mon 19-May-14 08:05:10

it ended well. you handled it well

expatinscotland Mon 19-May-14 08:22:29

Well done. No more favours from him. He tried it on and you did the best you could.

NotActuallyAMum Mon 19-May-14 08:54:38

Thanks folks smile

Next time someone does us a favour they'll get a box of beer...

Nanny0gg Mon 19-May-14 09:04:08

To all those people who have asked why the OP was bothered and does it really matter?

Would it make a difference if it had been a house? Just because it was a static caravan - the horror!! Taking the piss is taking the piss. If you ask for more than was offered you are being rude.

The snobbery as well as the rudeness on here beggars belief at times.

expatinscotland Mon 19-May-14 09:08:04

Yep! He still tried it on, inviting the other couple, trying for four nights when offered two. He drops anymore hints, stay firm.

Jackie0 Mon 19-May-14 09:20:08

Good outcome. You handled it perfectly .

OnlyLovers Mon 19-May-14 10:29:42

Well done, OP. At least though, to give him a tiny bit of credit, he asked what you charged rather than hinting at another freebie.

Itsfab Mon 19-May-14 12:10:40

This just leaves a nasty taste, even more so with the immediate pressure to be allowed to go again albeit with an offer of paying maybe. I would be prepared for him putting pressure on you to allow him to go again.

minibmw2010 Mon 19-May-14 12:23:45

Well done, it was a bit stressful for you in the beginning I'm sure, but it ended up as well as it could I guess. Do you have to see this guy regularly in work? Will it be awkward for you at all?

NotActuallyAMum Mon 19-May-14 13:06:20

I am definitely prepared for him to ask again. I did tell him that we keep it for ourselves and immediate family but even so, I don't think that'll put him off somehow. I'll just keep repeating myself "We don't rent it out, we just keep it for ourselves and family"

No thankfully I don't see very much of him at all so no awkwardness (is that a word LOL)

expatinscotland Mon 19-May-14 13:13:12

Yep. Repeat ad nauseum. He knows there is a world of vans for hire out there. He can point and click at one.

Puzzledandpissedoff Mon 19-May-14 13:41:35

I'll just keep repeating myself "We don't rent it out, we just keep it for ourselves and family"

Very wise wink

pluCaChange Mon 19-May-14 15:17:16


What a good mantra to repeat. Definitely don't be tempted to charge, or you'll go through all the stress again, of wondering just how many people they'll invute, whether they'll have a party, etc.

Some sites won't allow subletting, so NotActually, iI'd just state that if he kerbs pestering you.

I hope we get a lovely summer so you enjoy many days there. smile



phantomnamechanger Mon 19-May-14 20:48:36

Good result.

HexBramble Sat 24-May-14 00:39:22

It's a li

PowerPants Sat 24-May-14 01:07:53

Yay, good outcome OP! Well done.

MrsWombat Sat 24-May-14 06:44:10

Hurrah! Well done!

HexBramble Sat 24-May-14 08:25:45

Didn't realise that my post was chopped blush

It's a shocker to me how many entitled people are out there. I must live in a little bubble because I have yet to come across such piss-takers. You handled it well OP.

Tangerinefairy Sat 24-May-14 09:01:28

Glad it was a good outcome op. May I.just say though that people who thought his actions were not that bad are not necessarily rude and grabby themselves. If they would be more than happy to be relaxed about lending something that they are not actually using themselves for a couple more days then they may be surprised that others are not.

Tangerinefairy Sat 24-May-14 09:08:43

But the assumption was rude.

Tangerinefairy Sat 24-May-14 09:26:46

But the assumption was rude.

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