To ask what would be more important to you:

(55 Posts)
BigRedBall Mon 17-Mar-14 10:05:04

Giving your children nice home cooked food, fruit and vegetables they can eat from the bowl whenever they want, nice clothes and shoes and nice uniform (meaning at least 2-3 dresses/trousers and tights, socks etc for the week) all year around. Occasional holidays and days out.


Taking them on holiday every school break, taking them out of school for days out so they have happy memories of going on holidays as children.

I mean what would you spend your money on if you had it? Only one or the other.

EatShitDerek Mon 17-Mar-14 10:06:19

1st one as what is the point of holidays and memories if you have no clothes and shoes grin

meerschweinchen Mon 17-Mar-14 10:07:35

First option without a doubt! Would never take mine out of school during term time anyway.

DragonMamma Mon 17-Mar-14 10:08:00

Option 1.

I had a mixture of both however and that's what I aim for with my DCs.

HolidayCriminal Mon 17-Mar-14 10:08:16

I don't understand 2nd part, wish MN had an edit button, is this about taking them on hols 6x a year or during term time or what?

georgesdino Mon 17-Mar-14 10:09:08


LEMmingaround Mon 17-Mar-14 10:09:52

Id like either. Dd goes to school in pta secondhand uniform. Food ok though. The clothes less important to me but cant afford holiday anyway but would choose it over clothes. Shoes cost ££££

georgesdino Mon 17-Mar-14 10:10:32

I will expand on that we have been on 4 holidays in last 12 months, but Im not one to waste money on lots of clothes as its not what Im in to.

BigRedBall Mon 17-Mar-14 10:11:22

HolidayCriminal holidays 3-4 times a school year during holidays and days out during half terms and school days.

BlackeyedSusan Mon 17-Mar-14 10:11:29

what good are memories if you have buggered their health with junk food?

be careful of the fruiton tap though dd has trouble with teeth and we think it is down to fruit.

Impatientismymiddlename Mon 17-Mar-14 10:11:38

You have to feed and clothe your children regardless of whether you go on holiday or not so I don't really understand the question because basic good quality school uniform is not that expensive and decent food is not much more expensive than junk food.

drnoitall Mon 17-Mar-14 10:13:14

I do not understand the relevance of this.
Option 1 is what most decent parents do/want/ strive to achieve and option 2 encompasses that by virtue surely.
Holidays are nice but you don't need to make fuss and travel hours to be someplace nice.

No. 1. Happy memories don't need to come from holidays and days out all over the place. If a child is secure, fed well, comfortable and happy at home thats the foundation to build a happy childhood.

WooWooOwl Mon 17-Mar-14 10:14:15

Weird question!

The first one, obviously.

BeckAndCall Mon 17-Mar-14 10:14:33

So in option two they don't have clothes and food? Or just not as nice clothes? And food you don't think is so nice or suitable? Not sure why home cooked = expensive ?

Option 1 - I don't think taking them out of school for days out is a good example, and is likely to backfire when they feel like taking days out when they reach their teens. Plus, lots of holidays doesn't make 'more' good memories than an occasional 'exciting' holiday plus having the chance to run around the back garden/park on half term.

And skimping on everyday things like decent food and clothes is not going to be outweighed by 'fun' outings.

HauntedNoddyCar Mon 17-Mar-14 10:15:03

So your choice is feeding and clothing them properly or going on lots of jollies?

Well feeding and clothing them would be my priority.

If you mean clothing them in Boden and feeding them organic hand woven aubergines versus no days out ever then I'll buy supermarket clothes and handmedowns and have a summer holiday.

georgesdino Mon 17-Mar-14 10:16:00

I was thinking more than 1 was excess clothes eg the mums and das who spend 1000s on their childrens clothes. My friend spent 4k on mainly next clothes by the time her child was aged 4. Im not really in to clothes so spent it all on holidays.

Realistically you only need a change of clothes to be clean, one to wear and one to wash, especially summer dresses.

I was fed on crap growing up, my Mum has strange ideas about how to feed children.

I am now Vegan, I don't have sugar or white bread, so I think that you can overcome bad eating habits. Health isn't badly effected by a bad childhood diet, Humans are really good at surviving and making use of food.

I would say a mix of 1 + 2, obviously.

But I think that it's nice to see the country that we reside in and travel.

It depends on the impact of that travel on Homework etc.

My Dad was from SA and was in the Merchant Navy, so time at home was driving around the UK, which was the best part of my childhood.

LiberalLibertine Mon 17-Mar-14 10:16:54

Happy memories can come just as well from picnics in the garden, paddling pool, friends over for bbqs, odd day at the beach, camping, fire in the back yard, dog walks in the woods....this was all we did last summer holidays and out kids had a wonderful time.

To answer though is a no brainer, kids need decent food and shoes.

aufaniae Mon 17-Mar-14 10:17:32

I also don't understand the question. We are pretty skint yet manage both healthy food, school uniform and holidays. You don't need to go abroad or spend lots of money to create memories with your DCs.

BigRedBall Mon 17-Mar-14 10:19:16

blackeyedsusan yes that's true, but giving a piece of fruit for morning break time would be important wouldn't it?
And breakfast would be pretty important too.

HolidayCriminal Mon 17-Mar-14 10:19:22

Is this your choice OP, or something you've observed in others & are trying to understand? Coz I would have thought pretty obvious that Option 1 is far preferable.

CoffeeTea103 Mon 17-Mar-14 10:19:28

Definitely 1. You don't need holidays to have happy family memories.

georgesdino Mon 17-Mar-14 10:20:16

Option 1 is very cheap to do and I thought is mainly a given. Thats why I saw it as the person was buying excessive clothes or material things.

BigRedBall Mon 17-Mar-14 10:22:05

By nice clothes I don't mean designer or anything but at least things like socks and jumpers to keep children warm when they're obviously freezing and shoes that fit properly and don't give child blisters

gordyslovesheep Mon 17-Mar-14 10:22:19

no idea why you can't do both - I go both grin

soverylucky Mon 17-Mar-14 10:23:00

Surely 1?
How can you have happy memories if the majority of the time you are hungry and don't have enough clothes?

My happiest memories from childhood are from messing about with all the kids on our estate - playing games, camping out, sledging in the winter etc.

BigRedBall Mon 17-Mar-14 10:23:26

HolidayCriminal, it's something I've observed and it's mind boggling.

BigRedBall Mon 17-Mar-14 10:24:56

soverylucky that's what I think too.

thegreylady Mon 17-Mar-14 10:26:11

Mainly 1 with an occasional smattering of 2 smile

SooticaTheWitchesCat Mon 17-Mar-14 10:26:28

No.1. We do have a holiday every year and days out but I hope my children have happy memories of just being at home too. Obviously if I had loads of money I would quite happily have another couple of holidays a year though wink

ikeaismylocal Mon 17-Mar-14 10:27:27

I find it cheaper to make good quality home cooked food than feeding ds crap. A constant supply of fruit is a must in my opinion. We buy mostly second hand clothes and dc2 regardless of gender will wear the same clothes as dc1.

I think a mixture of both options is important. I'd hate towaste money buying smart clothes to impress other people, but I think comfy, clean, weather appropriate clothing is important. Holidays/days out are important, but it's not necessary to be jetting off on holiday every couple of months.

morethanpotatoprints Mon 17-Mar-14 10:28:50

The first, as good food is essential for health and looking presentable in decent clothes is too.
This needn't be expensive though, uniform can be bought quite cheaply.

HolidayCriminal Mon 17-Mar-14 10:29:44

That's sad, BRB.

RiverTam Mon 17-Mar-14 10:30:27

are you saying you know someone who takes their DC on lots of holidays, but they don't have enough to eat and clothes to wear? That's pretty skewed. You don't have to spend masses on clothes, but they do need clothes suitable for the weather and preferably not falling apart, and they need good, proper meals. Holidays are great but at that expense? No way. Surely there's a middle way?

BigRedBall Mon 17-Mar-14 10:32:04

I think if you can afford holidays every 3 months then you should be able to afford to feed your children appropriately and clothe them too, and if you can't, then you have your priorities mixed up.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Mon 17-Mar-14 10:32:54

1. Because that's basic parenting. Holidays are a treat. And you don't have to have several holidays a year to create lovely memories.

BigRedBall Mon 17-Mar-14 10:34:42

RiverTam, that's right. It's someone I know but she's come out of an abusive relationship, is on benefits and thinks this is how she will build happy memories for her children. I feel sorry for her but can't help but judge her for this.

Poughle Mon 17-Mar-14 10:35:08

BigRedBall what do you mean when you say you've observed it? I have a hard time believing that anyone's making a conscious choice for #2. I would think that if someone's not providing nutritious meals it's because that's not a high priority or they're just not clued into that sort of thing.

HolidayCriminal Mon 17-Mar-14 10:35:40

I think OP is trying to be open-minded to the other person's parenting, which is fair enough. It's the sort of thing that's so shocking that you can't understand how they sanely think that way and then you question your own sanity because Why TF can they think that way when they might otherwise seem like reasonable people. Somebody is nutty here. sad

diamondlizard Mon 17-Mar-14 10:35:44

surely it could inbetween

Magix Mon 17-Mar-14 10:36:57

Option one . I already choose these things over holidays

Poughle Mon 17-Mar-14 10:37:17


I still think she may not be thinking of it in terms of a clear cut choice though. Is she really saving enough money for holidays by deliberately cutting corners on food and clothing??

"It's someone I know but she's come out of an abusive relationship,"

I would hope that the school would pick up on the children not having fitting shoes etc. it is neglect.

However, I have taken time to recover from coming out of a EA relationship, so I would suggest that she is in recovery and hopefully should settle down.

Stop judging and give constructive advice.

I often think that by most people, the effects of being in an abusive relationship isn't recognised.

A period of recovery is needed and if the abuse has been going on for a while and is extensive, it will take time.

It's taken me a year to realise I'm free and question the choices that I was still making.

BigRedBall Mon 17-Mar-14 10:44:34

Poughle. She's always talking about "saving up" for holidays. Her children are always hungry. I took her dd to school last week and in the morning she told me she was hungry, had been given nothing for breakfast and no fruit for break. They eat loads when they come around like they're ravenous and end up eating dd's fruit and snacks when we go out together. This is the only way I can think she "saves up" by under providing food.

Birdsgottafly I've tried subtly helping her, like mentioning good food and helping her design a costume for her dd for dress up day at school (she wasn't going to send her in with a costume and I felt sad for the girl). But she thinks holidays will build memories.

arethereanyleftatall Mon 17-Mar-14 10:50:08

Question is silly. Surely it's a given you feed and clothes your kids? healthy food cheaper than junk anyway .

arethereanyleftatall Mon 17-Mar-14 10:53:33

Sorry, didn't rft

whineaholic Mon 17-Mar-14 10:57:27

In this house we eat good food, we don't buy into any designer nonsense nor do we give a fig how someone looks but we lay store on experiences, books, travel, hobbies and activities.

DeWe Mon 17-Mar-14 11:08:16

I wonder whether the dm didn't have holidays as a child and really felt she missed out.

I know things I felt I missed out on, I'm inclined to put a priority (although not to silly extents) on.

Is the food thing possibly just she doesn't have an idea how much is a reasonable portion though? If she asks for food she thinks they're being greedy? Or maybe buying things that are nice but doesn't fill them up? Maybe a couple of comments of how much the children eat "don't know where they put it" might help.

And actually my dc like to have time at home when they're not doing anything in the holidays. I think they'd start to complain if we went away every holiday.

LiberalLibertine Mon 17-Mar-14 11:10:30

If that all you're basing this on? My ds is always saying he's hungry! And would eat at someone else's house even if he's just had a big meal.

I think you may be jumping the gun.

redskyatnight Mon 17-Mar-14 11:20:48

So the children have no proper food and no proper clothes? I don't think you can deduce this from one conversation - sorry. My DC don't have fruit for break ever (DD) or rarely (DS) -their choice, we always have fruit they can take. There are also occasions when I can't persuade them to eat breakfast. And DS will eat everything you put in front of him regardless of whether he had a huge meal not long ago.

Can you have a general conversation with your friend rather than assuming the worst?

BigRedBall Mon 17-Mar-14 12:00:08

I've known them for well over a year now so am not basing this on assumptions. For example, I've only ever had nuggets and fries or a sandwich and crisps to eat at her house. Her children were wearing spongey croc type clogs during the winter. The ones they'd been bought for their September holiday.

She tells me she saves up all her money for holidays. She has a car and a £30 a month phone contract. It's obvious to me how she's saving up for the holidays.

I don't want to make this into a benefit bashing thread, but she's also mentioned to me she'd like another baby soon so she won't have to work. I'm torn between feeling quite annoyed with her and feeling sorry for her at the same time.

RedFocus Mon 17-Mar-14 12:20:16

Option 1 clearly.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now