To think DD should go into her own room now?

(34 Posts)
WonderBarbara Sun 16-Mar-14 09:45:44

Hi, hoping you can help me and DH with our dilemma with bedrooms.
I have 4 kids, DS2 (3), DD1 (18mths) and DD2 (13wks) who are with DH and also DS1 (8) who is my son from previous relationship.
We live in a 3 bed house, two double bedrooms and a single. DS1 has one double bedroom, DS2 has single room and me, DH and the babies have the other room, with DD1 in the cot-bed, DD2 in Moses basket, although usually end up co-sleeping with one, or both.

Now, DH and I both agree that DD1 is ready to move out of our room. Since DD2 has arrived her sleep has become a real issue. Firstly I guess there is the jealously of the new baby and clingyness with that, secondly there is the practicalities, of DD2 waking up a number of times a night for feeds, changes etc, which disturbs her, and once DD1 is up, the only way to settle her is to put her in our bed, hence why we often end up co-sleeping. She was an excellent sleeper from about 7mths till 15months when DD2 arrived, but now, every bedtime is a battle ground, as she just doesn't want to go in her cot anymore, and she can be up in the night up to five or six times.

We feel she is ready for a toddler bed now, as she loves DS2's bed, and always lays on it for her bedtime story. Also, DD2 is rapidly growing out of Moses basket too so it will be good to have the cot for her, but this is not the main reason as we do have a spare cot in the garage.
However, we would like to move her out of our room, as this will be the only way she could sleep without the distractions of DD2, and we could wean her out of the co-sleeping habit we have got her into.

Now, this is where me and DH differ. I think DS2 should move in with DS1, and DD1 should have the single room. I think having her own room will be best to get her into a sleep routine and it will be nice to have a girly room and a boys room. AIBU?

DH thinks I am BU and that DS1 should move to single room, and DS2 and DD1should share the double, as he thinks it would freak DD out to be in her own.

Also, to make this even more annoying, DS1 has protested that he doesn't want either to happen, because he doesn't want the "baby bedroom" (the small room) neither does he want to "share with a baby" (DS2) and is now being really difficult about it all. He told his dad, my Ex, that he was upset about it, and then I had my ex phone me to have a go at me, saying that I was unnecessarily causing DS1 anxiety, because he is settled with the way things are and needs to have his own space away from the little ones and me and DH are being really unfair (apparently).
As much as I love DS1, I am afraid he may just have to like it or lump it with this one and I am annoyed at my ex for sticking his nose in.

We are saving for an extension, but will jot have he money for at least a year it so.

So, AIBU to think the boys should share and DD have her own room?

formerbabe Sun 16-Mar-14 09:49:11

I would put your 3year old in with the 18month old and leave the 8 year old in his own room.

The age gap is more relevant than the gender at the moment.

As they get older, the boys would have to be in one room and girls in the other.

Impatientismymiddlename Sun 16-Mar-14 09:49:38

The boys should share the double room and dd should have the single room. If you put dd in to share with ds2 then you will have to move everyone again in a few years as DS2 will not want to share with a girl.
It makes sense to have a boys room and a girly room.
Plus dd might get up at night for a while yet so it wouldn't be fair on DS 2 to put up with the disturbance.

I would give your eldest the single room, I bet he will like it when it has more of his things in.

At this stage the age gap is more of an issue than gender, ds2 breaking ds1s toys accidentally is going to cause more issues than ds2 sharing with a girl.

diddl Sun 16-Mar-14 09:55:42

I'd leave the 8yr old in his own room.

But that might have to change to the single.

eltsihT Sun 16-Mar-14 09:56:56

I have my 2 boys sharing. And if I had a girl instead if ds2 she would have been sharing a bedroom with ds1.

I think it's a difficult situation and can see pros and cons to both suggested arrangements.

I would tell ds1 the bedroom situation needs to change and let him pick whether he shares or has his own room.

You could give him the options of picking bunk beds if he is sharing with ds2 or the colour of the room if he has his own room

Sunnysummer Sun 16-Mar-14 09:57:13

I'd be tempted to put the young ones into a shared room for now, there's no need for a girl and boy room yet, plus they could sleep in a sibling bed if cosleeping could help DD1 settle. I come from a big family and we often shared beds until we got a little older. However DS1 would need to understand that at some point he will need to share, he can't take precedence over the grownups having their own room, and your ex really needs to get on board with this too. Hope you can get this sorted...

ikeaismylocal Sun 16-Mar-14 09:57:18

I would give the 2 toddlers the big room and put older ds in the box room ( letting him choose how it's decorated.

The 18 month old and 3 year old are more likely to be interested in the same toys. It would be really anoying for an 8 year old to have a 3 year old hanging around their room when they had friends over.

wonderingsoul Sun 16-Mar-14 09:57:28

i would put the eldest in the smallest room at the mo.. theres a fair age gap at the mo.. age over gender right now i think.

5inabed Sun 16-Mar-14 09:57:51

If you will be able to extend in a year then maybe give ds1 the choice he can either share with ds2 in the bigger room or have his own space in the single he can't have it both ways. After the extension I take it he will have a decent sized room to himself.? Your ex should mind his own.

At eight, give him the choice (1) single room on his own or (2) bigger room with ds2. If je cant make that decision you will make it for him.

Bambamb Sun 16-Mar-14 10:01:42

I like EltishT's suggestion.

Koothrapanties Sun 16-Mar-14 10:02:48

I agree, ds1 in single room, little ones in the bigger room. Ds1 can't have it all ways, he either has privacy and his own space in a smaller room or shares in the bigger room.

Finola1step Sun 16-Mar-14 10:03:00

I too would put the younger children in the bigger bedroom and ds1 in the single. You can not have 1 child in a double bedroom to himself while everyone else squeezes in elsewhere. Just because your ex thinks it will cause your son anxiety. FGS.

Yes children of that age like their own space. He can have that, in the smaller bedroom for now.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Sun 16-Mar-14 10:03:21

I'd give the oldest boy his own room personally (the single one) and put the 2 little ones in together. You can always change things a round in a few years anyway.

As DS1 is being difficult about it I'd offer him 2 options to choose from: he either shares the big room with his brother or gives it up and has the small room to himself. end of. no point going crying to his dad at the so called unfairness because this is how its going to be. your ex can do one, it has sod all to do with him. decorate it if you have the money maybe? make it a toddler free zone? so he can ban them from his space if he chooses to?

Let him choose, tell him it's one or the other so there's no point whining about it! Tell youe ex to mind his own business.

soverylucky Sun 16-Mar-14 11:08:24

I would put the 3 year old with the 18 month old but obviously at some point in the future the arrangement may have to change so that the two boys share and the two girls share - youngest dd won't be in your room for ever....or are you planning to move house?

Springcleanish Sun 16-Mar-14 11:17:10

Yep, let your eldest son choose, smaller bedroom on his own, or share with his brother. Eight is old enough to grasp the concept that things can't stay as they are. Give him a time scale and tell him that if he hasn't decided you will flip a coin for it.

WaitMonkey Sun 16-Mar-14 11:55:29

Toddlers in together. When older the boy's share and the girls share.

chesterberry Sun 16-Mar-14 12:50:01

I would let your eldest son choose, at least that way he is having some control over the situation.

MiaowTheCat Sun 16-Mar-14 12:53:26

Is there some kind of compromise/bribe potential to be reached with DS1 where you could get some kind of garden summerhouse for him to be his own special "den" in return for roomsharing with his brother?

DS 1 in the smaller bedroom by himself, toddlers in a room together. Once DD2 is old enough to be out of your bedroom then boys in together and girls in together, possibly involving bunk beds for the boys as they are the oldest.

WonderBarbara Sun 16-Mar-14 22:49:24

Hi all thank you for advice, I can see the point of the age gap being more important that gender now after reading the replies. Also makes sense I suppose with the fact that ds2 and DD1 have same bedtime routine and times etc.

I also had a good chat with DS1 today, and said that it would be his choice, but he would have to chose either to share his room or move into the smaller room. After a little protesting, he finally agreed chose to move the small bedroom, after I pointed out that many his friends have the small bedrooms, as most of his friends are the youngest of their siblings. He also really likes the idea of choosing the colours and being involved in decorating it.
Finances are looking a little bleak but we are still hoping to extend in the next couple years or so, so we told DS1 that as long as we can save some more money, he should be able to have a big room again by the time he starts secondary school, and he seemed a bit more happier for that!

So! Thank you all, we are gonna kick start operation room shuffle next weekend!

I know it is going to take some time with DD1 to get her settled into a good sleep routine again, and I suppose what I am really worried about is DS2 who sleeps so beautifully! If DD1 has difficulties settling how am I supposed to settle her without disturbing DS2?? This was one of the things I was concerned about in the first place! and why I had initially though she would better alone.....now I like the idea of her sharing with DS2, but worried I am going to be up with both of them (plus the baby!)

Oh boy! Looks like there is not gonna be an easy answer to this one!

Connorsmummyx Sun 16-Mar-14 23:10:24

Why did you have so many children if you don't have enough space for them all?

nooka Sun 16-Mar-14 23:25:41

If extending/moving isn't an option for a few years then it makes a lot more sense for your older child to move into the small room as you'll probably have to have the baby in with the two toddlers at some point, and the bigger room hopefully has more flexibility for bunks etc.

You do sound a bit over crowded.

MiscellaneousAssortment Sun 16-Mar-14 23:44:09

Really Connorsmummy?

They do actually have enough rooms and as far as I'm aware, it's not actually a hanging offense to have children sharing.

I wonder why you wrote that? That post wasn't even disguised as constructive as far as I can see. I hope you got whatever it was you wanted out of it.

WonderBarbara Sun 16-Mar-14 23:50:23

Connors Mummy, sorry but I am actually a bit offended by your tone. Di you mean to sound rude? I have four children, I don't think that is "so many", and I am not having any more. We have got space, I was just seeking advice about which would be the best way to use the space we have. As I said before, we are hoping to extend either next year or the year after. Or, if the opportunity arises we haven't ruled out moving. So please don't make out that I am irresponsible.

WonderBarbara Sun 16-Mar-14 23:50:58

Thank you miscellaneous

hippo123 Sun 16-Mar-14 23:56:12

I would have the boys in a double room and the girls in the single room (youngest joins her sister when big enough).

MiscellaneousAssortment Mon 17-Mar-14 00:59:51

Wonder don't worry smile

Got my goat that did...

BlackeyedSusan Mon 17-Mar-14 01:13:43

they have space. one room for the oldest, two younger ones share, baby in with parents. cotbeds and cots can last until they are 6 or 4 ish if you take the sides off and convert to beds so you could even get three toddler beds into the big room at a push.

I think more people are going to have to live like this with the current economic circumstances.

Sunnysummer Mon 17-Mar-14 05:45:34

You absolutely have space, unlucky Connor has a mean mummy and will presumably never know how lovely it can be to share a room with a sibling as a young child! We were three to a room for quite a bit of my childhood and I adored it.

foreverondiet Mon 17-Mar-14 07:24:36

I would give the 8 year old the choice - small room on his own or big room shared. Although part of me thinks that if you can fit 2 toddler beds in the small room you should do that. Hard on him having been only for 5 year and now with 3 younger siblings. Can't imagine my 7 year old agreeing to either accepting a smaller room or sharing with little brother.

foreverondiet Mon 17-Mar-14 07:27:42

You can also tell oldest that the baby is going into the big room as soon as sleeping all night.

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