To not want to share a bed with friends (or basically anyone other than DP)

(64 Posts)
Soyoureallythinkso Sat 15-Mar-14 21:07:13

When I was younger (a student and living in flat shares in my 20s) it was the done thing that when friends came to stay / when I went to stay with friends you would just share their bed. Also when I went away on holidays/weekends away friends would often share double beds to save money etc.

AIBU that I no longer want to share beds with friends? I recently went on a hen do where I was expected to share a bed for the weekend (had not been told this in advance - I would have been willing to pay more money for my own room if I had been warned in advance that I would be sharing a bed).

Also one of my friends still lives in flat shares (which I completely understand, not everyone can afford their own place esp. in London) and when I go to stay I have to share her bed which I just no longer feel so comfortable about. I totally appreciate she doesn't have a spare guest room, but I would rather sleep on the sofa or an inflatable bed in the living room than bed share. I just don't know how to say this without offending her. I would also be prepared to pay for a cheap B&B/Travelodge but again don't want to offend her.

Am I being a prude, or has anyone else grown out of feeling comfortable sharing a bed with friends? I am in my early 30s FWIW.

HuskyWoman Sat 15-Mar-14 21:08:49

Yanbu in my opinion. I always worry I'll assume the sleeping form next to me is DP an shuffle over for some spooning.

Soyoureallythinkso Sat 15-Mar-14 21:09:58

Or I worry that I will kick them in my sleep, or even worse fart in the night blush

God I'm with you. I haven't shared a bed with someone apart from husbands for 25 years.

Ugh. No idea how to get out of it. Maybe say diplomatically you're staying in a hotel as you've got worms/ uncontrollable sleeping sex disease/chinese love balls grin

EatShitDerek Sat 15-Mar-14 21:10:26

When I stay at friends I sleep on sofa or the pull out bed thing.

I don't like sharing a bed with anyone. I just put up with my son joining me grin

I'm not keen on sharing - means I don't get a good nights sleep. I recently went away with a friend and just made sure we got a twin room.

Soyoureallythinkso Sat 15-Mar-14 21:11:32

Yes I have in the past said I have a cold/cough and don't want to pass it on, but I can't always use the same excuse

Backtobedlam Sat 15-Mar-14 21:12:19

YANBU if you feel uncomfortable about it then obviously you should find an alternative, it doesn't matter if you are 16 or 66 that's your perogative. For what it's worth it genuinely doesn't bother me sharing a room and bed with friends, but then most of them I have been friends with for over 10 years.

DramaAlpaca Sat 15-Mar-14 21:12:33


I won't even share a room with anyone other than DH, let alone a bed.

WanderingAway Sat 15-Mar-14 21:14:20

I hate sharing my bed but if it only for a night or two i wouldnt mind sharing.

sillymillyb Sat 15-Mar-14 21:14:51

I used to have to share a bed with work colleagues (promo work so very relaxed) and I hated it!

One of my mates used to try and spoon me and I had to fight the reflex to elbow her in the face grin

BertieBotts Sat 15-Mar-14 21:15:38

YANBU, I am 25 and recently went to a house party at my cousin's house, ended up in a double bed with her, her boyfriend and a random bloke hmm It was just really uncomfortable and awkward, I ended up rearranging their spare room so I could use the sofa in there!

I think I must have grown out of it because I assumed I'd be fine with it but no!

Soyoureallythinkso Sat 15-Mar-14 21:16:09

I would actually hand in my notice if I had to share a bed with my work colleagues to be fair most of them are male and old

SummerRain Sat 15-Mar-14 21:19:09

I shared a bed after a works night out recently. We did actually have a bed each but one of the girls turned.out to be an annoying aggressive drunk so myself and the third girl didn't want to be stuck in a room with her and decided to use a double bed in the lads room whose owner was plastered and had no intention of using it. I didn't sleep a wink as I was so paranoid about snuggling up to her in my sleep blush

I thought I'd be fine but after 12 years of sharing with dp and sleeping tangled up with him, or kicking him out of my way if I want more space I just couldn't relax with someone else in the bed.

squoosh Sat 15-Mar-14 21:19:43

I happily bed down with lots of people.

sillymillyb Sat 15-Mar-14 21:19:48

A lot of them were male models so I struggled on through grin

The company I worked for would tell me just to book one room and then we would all pile in to save money.

It was an amazing year of my life apart from spoony weirdo girl

Soyoureallythinkso Sat 15-Mar-14 21:20:00

Bertie When I was younger (in my 20s) a friend said I could stay at her house after a party as I lived the other side of London. However what she didn't tell me was that I was expected to share a bed with one of her boyfriend's mates. I had a boyfriend at the time so it was completely inappropriate shock. I ended up staying up and waiting until the first tubes started running again then legged it!

sillymillyb Sat 15-Mar-14 21:20:39

(That was to soyouthinkso by the way!)

SummerRain Sat 15-Mar-14 21:23:32

Oh, and said owner of the bed who had loudly proclaimed he couldn't sleep and was going to hang out with the other girl decided crazy bitch was too much for him too and climbed in on top of us at 4am and snored for the remaining two hours until we had to get up angry

rookiemater Sat 15-Mar-14 21:23:56

It's maybe an age thing - I'm 43 and wouldn't share a bed with anyone but DH. There were a set of circumstances a wee while back and my DMum suggested I share a bed with her - we have never shared a bed since I was 5, I was very happy to pay the �50 to stay in the Travellodge down the road - oh and DS loved the all you can eat toast maker !

Happy to share a room with a friend though.

Trills Sat 15-Mar-14 21:25:02

If your friend shares her living room with other people then yabu to choose to sleep in the living room rather than in her room. It's not just your friend you'd be inconveniencing.

Soyoureallythinkso Sat 15-Mar-14 21:28:04

Happy to sleep in her room just rather not bed-share

pussycatdoll Sat 15-Mar-14 21:29:48

Oh yes I Wont even share a room any more
Going away with the girls is the only opportunity I get to have a bed, en suite to myself so I stump up for the extra money for a single room
I'm 39 & too old for it

AwkwardSquad Sat 15-Mar-14 21:41:13

Lord, no. Wouldn't even share a room, let alone a bed. I'm well past all that shit, I need my own space!

HerrenaHarridan Sat 15-Mar-14 21:45:32

I love it, I have plenty of spare beds in my house as I occasionally have lots of people to visit.

Most of my friends actively choose to sleep in with me instead of the spare beds. Some of them because they like the cuddles some because they like the chat.

When people first stay over I offer them mine (if I feel like it) and all the other options, at least one double bed is made up and ready to go so its not like they are worried and inconveniencing me... But only my bed had the electric blanket and the vibrate setting grin

Op yanbu, you should not feel like you can't say anything. Maybe you could say you've discussed it your partner and both agreed not to bed share with other people any more

MintyCatLeaf Sat 15-Mar-14 21:45:52


WorraLiberty Sat 15-Mar-14 21:50:10


Just tell them you fart like a horse so you've brought your own inflatable mattress.

JumbledAndTumbled Sat 15-Mar-14 21:51:46

I won't share a room or bed with anyone except DH, my DCs and my Mum. I would only share with my DCs or Mum if it was really unavoidable.

I know I wouldn't sleep a wink if anyone else was in the room. There is no logical reason for this, I am not overly private and I don't snore I might be lying about the snoring wink

AlpacaYourThings Sat 15-Mar-14 21:57:14


Like a PP I don't even want to share a room with anyone.

I had to share a hotel room a fees weeks ago and I woke up with really bad food poisoning from a dinner party we had been to. I had very loud diarreah, it was awful. blush I had to pretend I was having really long shower to cover the noise blush blush

BrokenToeOuch Sat 15-Mar-14 21:58:23

I happily bed share with my closest mates. Hen nights, weekends away etc, only a night or 2, it's just somewhere to put your head down for the night. We're always pretty merry by the time we make it to bed anyway, a bit of chatting, heart to heart, snorting with laughter and then we're dead to the world anyway. If I fart, so be it. It's a natural bodily function! If I roll I've and hug them? They're my best mate, they'll roll me back over and tell me to keep the fuck still.

This does not apply to people I don't know well or any men - I would NOT share a bed with those!

AlpacaYourThings Sat 15-Mar-14 22:01:01

* with a work colleague

Glasshammer Sat 15-Mar-14 22:01:04

Can you say you feel particularly windy and want to sleep separately. Or just be honest.

aquashiv Sat 15-Mar-14 22:04:22

A good friend said I could share her bed a few months ago. I said no you are alright thanks I like a good fart if the need arises and am known to shout at David Cameron in my sleep apparently.

squoosh Sat 15-Mar-14 22:16:46

I shared a bed with my best friend recently on a weekend away. We're very comfortable together, she doesn't mind that I like to sleep naked and I don't mind that I woke up in the mornings with her snuggled into my back and one leg wrapped around me.

DramaAlpaca Sat 15-Mar-14 22:21:36

Aww squoosh that's so sweet!

Chloerose75 Sat 15-Mar-14 22:30:54

I am happy to share a bed with my best friend but in general have got more picky about bed sharing as I have got older!

ithaka Sat 15-Mar-14 22:38:21

YANBU, if it bothers you, it bothers you. Doesn't bother me. I am 20+ years married & happily bed share with gal pals, mum, daughters. Anyone really. Better than sleeping alone.

scarlettsmummy2 Sat 15-Mar-14 22:47:27

I am 32 and would prefer not to, but with old friends who I have known since childhood/ uni and shared beds with lots of times before, it wouldn't bother me! When I was in my early twenties our group of friends, male and females, all bedded down together. Can't imagine it now though!

WeAllHaveWings Sat 15-Mar-14 22:51:25

As I've got older I find I fart, snore, toss n turn, get too hot/cold, scratch, drool, need to get up for a pee like my own space in bed. Shared with anyone when younger, now only dh gets the "pleasure"

Ilikepancakes Sat 15-Mar-14 22:53:18

YANBU. When I was younger I would happily bed-share with friends but now (late 20s) I like my own space and it effects my quality of sleep having a friend in my bed (obviously don't mind DP). I put up with it on hen weekends when we rent a cottage or house etc. but at hotels I ask to pay extra for my own room.

CannyBagOfTudor Sat 15-Mar-14 22:56:06


I visited my friend in the States quite a few years ago now and we made a 2 night trip to NY with her friend and her friend's fiance.

The hotel's in NY were a bit beyond our means so we ended up sharing ONE room with 2 double beds.

I had to share the bed with my friend and the room with 2 random strangers.

I think the pressure must have got to me, as I apparently sat up in bed in my sleep and started shouting all sorts of crap.

Not at all embarassing!

I'd be very uncomfortable bed sharing with anyone but DH and my kids - despite being nearly 39 and not in great shape I'd sleep on the floor or in an arm chair before I'd bed share (and I'd sit up drinking coffee all night befote I'd bed - or even room - share with my mother), and I'd rather sleep alone in an unsuitably furnished room than share a room... tbh I'd stsy home if I knew I couldn't have a bit of space to sleep. YANBU

Bunbaker Sat 15-Mar-14 23:00:57

I decline work dos because they make us share rooms (not beds thank goodness). I hate sharing with other people except for OH and DD and would rather not go somewhere than share a room with someone I don't know very well. Or I will not drink and just have a long drive home so I can sleep in my own bed.

Pmsl at shouting at david cameron in your sleep.
though at first read I missed the 'at' and thougbt yiu were very brave to admit your fantasies

WorrySighWorrySigh Sat 15-Mar-14 23:37:15

Oh thank god for that, I'm not the only one!

throwinshapes Sat 15-Mar-14 23:46:32

I'm with squoosh. Will, and do, bed down happily with my oldest friends, male and female alike. (On the odd nights child-free).
But again, always after a belly full of beer.
I'm 44 at the end of the month smile

notapizzaeater Sat 15-Mar-14 23:53:48

Not bothered as long as they are the same sex and I know them it doesn't bother me (I'm 47)!

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance Sat 15-Mar-14 23:59:23

Will only share with H Or DCs.
yanbu at all
but each to their own and all that
but no one should just assume either

TheArticFunky Sun 16-Mar-14 00:24:51


People were surprised when I refused to share a room at a work event a few years ago. Those days are long gone. I spent my 20s sleeping in dorms and crashed out at friends flats but that isn't me anymore. I'm a middle aged mother I want privacy and my own space now.

Our parents generation wouldn't have entertained the idea when they were our age but our generation are expected to be forever young.

Dubjackeen Sun 16-Mar-14 00:34:01

YANBU. I go away from time to time with friends for a weekend. Own rooms all the way. I need my privacy and my sleep.

UncleT Sun 16-Mar-14 04:27:41

Using the uncontrollable flatulence excuse is a great idea. It would definitely solve the issue for ever, though you'd probably also just never get invited anywhere ever again. smile smile

ravenAK Sun 16-Mar-14 04:42:43

I hate it. I've been known to evade school trips because of the expectation that one cheerfully bunks in a not very large double bed in a Trevelodge with some random colleague.

The solution I've found is to organise the bloody trip, ensure that there's an odd number of women & bags the single room as trip leader's perk.

Even with actual longstanding mates, I'll do a room share if the others are gung ho for it, but if it's a double & a sofa my bag's on the sofa claiming it before the door shuts behind us...

Again, with squoosh. I will happily bed down with most - friends, colleagues, my cousin, nieces, my mum.

If I stay over at my parents I sometimes go in their room on a morning and squeeze in beside them much to my dad's displeasure haha. I like a cuddle and gossip. I am 36 blush

MrsSparkles Sun 16-Mar-14 08:22:05

YADNBU - I had similar, went on hen weekend and found I was to share a double bed with friend (no warning, would have paid more to be on my own). Even worse said friend came down with awful cold, so I had to sleep on the sofa (was v v much looking forward to a lie in as had 6 month old DD at the time).

I hate hate hate sharing beds.

SometimesLonely Sun 16-Mar-14 09:10:52

I was 14 and shared a bedroom with my younger sister. A schoolfriend visited (still friends) and we decided that it would be a good idea if she were to sleep with me in my single bed. My parents took some persuading, looking at each other meaningfully when they first heard the idea. I had no idea why the idea was so bad yes, I was innocent of things like that. Three of us in the same bedroom ....

It was about 35 when I realised why my parents were not keen on the idea!

Why sometimes? I actually don't get that

SometimesLonely Sun 16-Mar-14 12:32:32

Why what, Stealth?

My parents looked disapproving because they knew about homosexuality but I didn't and it was frowned upon then and they obviously thought I was taking that route with my friend.

I was a lot older when I realised why they didn't want my friend to sleep in the same single bed as me. As far as I was concerned, it was just two friends having a night together, gossiping about other girls at school, complaining about French homework and wishing we didn't have Cricket so often.

TheArticFunky Sun 16-Mar-14 12:42:50

I don't think that's acceptable raven. Sharing a room is bad enough but sharing a bed is not acceptable for a work event.

A Company I worked at introduced a policy where it was stipulated that you could only stay at a hotel if there were no colleagues with available beds in their houses. hmm I was often away Monday to Friday and there was no way that I was going to impose on a random colleague. I challenged the policy and the rules were relaxed.

INeedSomeHelp Sun 16-Mar-14 12:50:11

A few years ago I was going to a work event and they wanted us all to share rooms. I got on ok with my colleagues but wouldn't have considered any of them to be friends.
I just refused point blank - I said that I didn't share my room at home with anyone so I didn't intend to start now. I got my own room grin

rookiemater Sun 16-Mar-14 14:34:42

That's awful thearticfunky so colleagues and their families are meant to act as some sort of B&B host for all workmates. Just ewww.

WilsonFrickett Sun 16-Mar-14 14:44:27

If there's another bed to be had I will take it, but I don't mind sharing with friends. I shared with a friend recently, she is co-sleeping with her son. In the middle of the night she rolled over, gave my tummy a little rub, kissed me on the side of my head and said, 'sssh now sleepy times' then rolled back over. grin bless her.

rookiemater Sun 16-Mar-14 14:48:57

See if anyone had done that to me wilsonfrickett, probably even DH, they would get a massive karate chop and would be pushed out of bed. I'd do it instinctively as well. Some of us just like our space !

blanchedeveraux Sun 16-Mar-14 15:54:41

We had a works do at Christmas that involved staying over at a hotel and I got stiffed with the loudest, drunkest, fartiest member of staff to share a room with. I didn't sleep a wink and she hogged the bathroom for hours in the morning and nearly broke the toilet with her, er, "emissions". Never, ever again. YANBU!!!!

Bunbaker Sun 16-Mar-14 15:55:58

I have IBS and don't like sharing a bathroom with anyone.

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