Playground related

(52 Posts)
wokeupwithasmile Sat 15-Mar-14 20:25:27

I have one ds, he is almost a year old. Now that the days are nicer I started taking him to the local playground, but given that he is only crawling he can't do much. The swings are his only 'activity' and he likes going on them. The other day we were there and probably stayed for about 15-20 minutes. There was a mother with two children of about 5. One went on the swing, the other had to wait because they were all occupied. He kept moaning about the fact that he could not go on, they talked to each other in a foreign language, but in English she said to him that she needed to wait for us to leave because she wanted him and the other child to be side by side.
I was there before her, I would have waited if they were occupied, and I thought anyone would do the same, but it was clear that she was waiting impatiently for us to leave. When we did leave she said in English, 'Finally'. I found that very passive aggressive, and I am still thinking about it.

I know that in life there are bigger problems, but I am also new to this 'baby world', so I might have been in the wrong. Maybe there is an unspoken rule that you can't keep your child on a swing or whatever else for 20 minutes. I thought that if the kid really wanted to go on the swing he could have switched with his sibling, but maybe I am wrong.

Would you have waited? WIBU in thinking that I could give my ds a good time for 20 minutes? If you don't think IWBU, would you have answered back? This just makes me think that things like this will happend again and again, and that I will need to be quicker in replying/thinking about the situation, but I am not used to this!

Littlefish Sat 15-Mar-14 20:28:56

I think 20 minutes is much too long if there are other children waiting. you knew he was waiting - I think you were a bit mean actually. However, there was no need for the other mother to be rude.

plantsitter Sat 15-Mar-14 20:32:50

Just don't worry about it. She should've asked you directly if she really needed the kid to go on. I would've had them taking turns pushing each other.

I suppose 20 mins is quite a while but there was presumably plenty of other stuff for them to have a go on.

You'll need to harden yourself to this kind of crap if you're frequenting playgrounds though.

wokeupwithasmile Sat 15-Mar-14 20:32:51

Sorry, I should have specified that we were there for 20 minutes, but there was a free swing, in fact more than one, being occupied and becoming available throughout the first ten minutes, so when she arrived one of her kids waited for ten minutes.

But this is interesting. How long would you think is acceptable?

HighwayRat Sat 15-Mar-14 20:33:56

very mean of you yabvu

Littlefish Sat 15-Mar-14 20:34:19

I would say that 10 minutes is plenty of there are other people waiting.

tiggytape Sat 15-Mar-14 20:35:00

Well there’s no rule as such but it is the norm to share if people are waiting.
20 minutes is too long if someone else wants a go and if there aren't any other swings free for them to use. You can't really expect everyone else to keep swapping over one swing so that your child can have a 20 minute uninterrupted go. Well - there's nothing to stop you doing this but other people will get pretty cross about it.

When another child is waiting, the normal thing to do is say to your own child "only a couple more minutes now because this little boy wants a turn" (so the child waiting knows to be patient and your child is forewarned that they're coming off). And then if your child wants another turn you hang around looking hopeful again until his mother does the same.

EatDessertFirst Sat 15-Mar-14 20:35:06

What Littlefish said. When my LO were one they would have been bored on a swing for 20 minutes.

YABabitU. Sorry.

HighwayRat Sat 15-Mar-14 20:35:22

if I know children are waiting dd gets 5 minutes. And if you knew they needed side by side swings why didn't you move your son when another became available?

LongTailedTit Sat 15-Mar-14 20:35:44

Yep, YABU, 20 mins is too long when there are other children waiting their turn.
I usually make sure DS has a good go, 5 mins or so, then move him on to something else. Everyone else should be able to get a turn.
If the place was empty then he could've stayed on as long as he liked, but it's a bit rude to monopolise the swings that long.

Having said that, she was unnecessarily PA, she could've just spoken to you directly and politely.

Finola1step Sat 15-Mar-14 20:35:59

YWNBU. Your ds was in the swing first. But, if the other child was waiting a full 20 mins, that is a tad long.

It is all part and parcel I'm afraid. When ds was v small, we used to go to a park with a massive sand play area. I would take a small selection of sand toys for him to play with. I was constantly shocked by the number of parents who thought our toys were fair game and just sit and watch as their 4 year olds were taking toys out if my ds's hands. I would always stop it but ffs, I was not there to provide sand toys for all and sundry.

It's crap. But if its not the park, it's soft play. Lots of lovely parents out there but there are a number of rude, can't be arsed parents who we all have to put up with.

You do develop a thicker skin.

SayMyNameSayIt Sat 15-Mar-14 20:36:26

Given that your wee one couldn't do much else, I don't think it was too long.

inlawsareasses Sat 15-Mar-14 20:36:41

A 20 minute wait for a 5 year old is an eternity! so you expected the two 5 year olds to share nicely whilst you were unwilling to do the same? waiting for a swing with a small child is a form of torture!

so there was a free swing not beside the one that one child was on but they waited impatiently for your swing instead? I'd have kept your lo on the swing longer just to spite them if that was the case. Your lo had just as much right to the swing as anyone else.

ninaprettyballerina Sat 15-Mar-14 20:37:00

If she is to push the settings the they do need to be next to each other. 20 mins is far too long.

tiggytape Sat 15-Mar-14 20:37:16

And she probably wasn't being precious in wanting them side by side. It is much easier to push 2 swings if they are close together than if you have to run between the two of them.

tiggytape Sat 15-Mar-14 20:38:18

X post nina (sounds like you've had to do two lots of swing pushing too!)

BumpyGrindy Sat 15-Mar-14 20:38:40

You were not unreasonable to use a swing for ten I suppose...I tend to use things for about 5 if there's a queue though and other parents are the same...they hurry their kids up a bit as otherwise people are waiting. 5 is old enough to go off and play on something while a sibling has a swing she was being a bit odd wanting them to be side by side

plantsitter Sat 15-Mar-14 20:38:55

Yes I've started to go a bit vigilante about sand toy sharing finola. It was costing us loads every summer.

arethereanyleftatall Sat 15-Mar-14 20:39:55

You were on the swing far far too long. 20 pushes absolute max.

WooWooOwl Sat 15-Mar-14 20:39:56

20 minutes is too long when you were aware that someone else was waiting. You were selfish.

Aeroflotgirl Sat 15-Mar-14 20:40:34

Read the op posts, they were in the swung fir 10 mins at tge park for 20. Yanbu at all, the lady was very rude.

daytoday Sat 15-Mar-14 20:40:36

It's not a rule, its just kindness to take turns.

That said, she sounds rude.

MammaTJ Sat 15-Mar-14 20:40:48

I would say 10 minutes is a long time if you are being reasonable, but once the PA comments had started, I would have wanted to keep my DC in the swing for an hour at least, and made PA comments such as 'You are having such a good time in this swing, I don't think I'll ever make you leave' as well.

Vickiyumyum Sat 15-Mar-14 20:41:54

He could have swapped with his sibling but at the same time you were being rude by 'hogging' the swing for your ds.

arethereanyleftatall Sat 15-Mar-14 20:42:20

And, they need to be next to each other so the mother can push them. not for some precious reason!, yabu

If she had to push them both then she wasn't BU wanting them side by side.

Twenty minutes when there are others waiting and taking turns is hogging and totally U in my opinion.

I fucking hate playgrounds!

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Sat 15-Mar-14 20:43:16

Why didn't you swap your baby to one of the other free swings when you realised she was wanting them to be on swings side by side? (presumably so she could push both at the same time). I would have offered to do that personally. that way everyone's happy and no moaning/passive aggressive behaviour.

ikeaismylocal Sat 15-Mar-14 20:44:57

Why didn't you just move your dc to another swing.

I think 20 minutes is a bit excessive, poor baby probably felt sick!

There is loads non walking babies cam do at parks, you can hold them and help them go down the slide, sit on the bouncy motorbike/animal things, crawl around the low climbing frames.

the woman could have asked your lo to be moved to a different swing but chose to be PA instead so that would have annoyed me in itself.

SavoyCabbage Sat 15-Mar-14 20:47:15

Yabu. How would you have felt if you gad gone to the park and the swings were all occupied for 20 minutes? You should have whizzed him down the bottom half of the slide for a bit or something. You can't stay on a swing for twenty minutes knowing someone is waiting.

I would have said to the mother or the waiting child "ds will be off in five minutes" or something similar.

Treaclepot Sat 15-Mar-14 20:47:17

Bloody hell, YADBU. If anyone is waiting I give mine 10 more pushes then out they come. And why on earth didnt you swap?

AnaisB Sat 15-Mar-14 20:49:30

Why didn't you move your child up to another swing if you were going to stay on so long.

I don't think "finally" is passive or aggressive - it's pretty direct.

wokeupwithasmile Sat 15-Mar-14 20:49:31

Thanks this is really helpful!

To be clear.
We were there for 20 minutes, there were 4 swings, my ds was on one, the other three were free/being occupied whilst we were there. She arrived after 10 minutes and had one ds on and one off. I thought 10 minutes were acceptable but it is good to know that it is not so clear cut.
But a question. If 5 minutes are the rule, why should she not have had 5 minutes with one child and 5 with the other?

WorraLiberty Sat 15-Mar-14 20:52:56

I don't think YABU

She was rude and could quite easily have given both of her kids a turn on the same swing.

MrsKCastle Sat 15-Mar-14 20:53:57

I think you were being a bit unreasonable- once I see that someone else is waiting for playground equipment, I would generally give my DCs five more minutes and then swap.

However, the other parent was rude. Why on earth didn't she just ask you politely? Or did she do so? Also, if the children were around 5, why did she insist that they sat next to each other? Most children of that age can keep the swing going for a while if you can't push them constantly. They're also able to understand that they have to wait for others- especially much littler children who can't go on many other things. In fact, surely by 5, they would be able to go on the swings for older children? Could they have been younger than you thought?

ProudAS Sat 15-Mar-14 20:57:05

There were four swings and not all occupied constantly. There must have been at least two side by side other than the one the OP was using. Were they both free at once OP?

plantsitter Sat 15-Mar-14 20:57:22

The rules are as follows:

If there's a queue, 5-10 minutes, all the while loudly acknowledging the queue to your non-verbal child and saying '10 more swings' etc.

If there is one other person waiting, it's a contest between you and the other swing-pushers to see who cracks first.

It is kind to swap swings if someone has 2 kids but it's not compulsory and anyway that parent will probably benefit from the exercise running between children while they get cross about not going high enough.

If there's no queue, knock yourself out. Not literally.

But really, just get on with life and stop thinking about it. This is the kind of worrying that can send you insane. Insane.

wokeupwithasmile Sat 15-Mar-14 20:57:42

I thought pushing my ds down the slide would actually block 'moving children' from having proper fun, and there were many, whereas being out of the way on the swing was the easy option for everyone.

Why did I not move him. There were siblings on the other side, two in two swings. I was in the middle, then this woman. The mother of the siblings said that she could put them back to back in one, at which point this lady said that she wanted them side by side. She did not talk to me. She wasn't actually pushing the one on the sling, so I did not think it might be because she needed to push both. I thought it was simply more convenient for her but not urgent as she did not address me, so I did not move because I thought that waiting was what people did.

Daiso Sat 15-Mar-14 20:59:54

YWBU - as PP have said, if you know there is a child waiting for a swing then 10 mins is a long time.
She could have swapped her children around after 5 mins but my DS and DNiece love being next to each other on the swings and look at each other and get all excited so that may be why she wanted the 2 of them on at the same time.
Are ypu saying that you think her children had to take it in turns for 5 mins each and weren't allowed to be on the swings next to each other - just so your DS was allowed 20 mins to himself?

BumpyGrindy Sat 15-Mar-14 21:00:24

OP said it was not 20 minutes ON the swing but ten.

CocktailQueen Sat 15-Mar-14 21:02:21

Wel, if one child could swing by himself then she was being u because she didn't need them to be side by side. Bizarre.

tiggytape Sat 15-Mar-14 21:05:21

10 minutes is still ages to stand waiting for a swing though.

OP can do what she wants but the norm is not to make people wait anything like 10 minutes. Normally (assuming your child hasn't just sat down and has had a good go) you finish up your turn quite quickly.

You don't have to of course but most people would be surprised and cross to be standing waiting for 10 minutes like that for a child that had been on the swing before they even arrived.

Joules68 Sat 15-Mar-14 21:05:47

Yanbu.... She had 2 kids with her, there's no huge deal about 2 swings with your ds in the middle. It's easy enough to push and move between the 2!

Joules68 Sat 15-Mar-14 21:06:45

And they were 5 and in baby swings?

wokeupwithasmile Sat 15-Mar-14 21:13:01

plantsitter I love your post!
It was my ds' second time on the swing, and he loved it, so I thought I would let him have his time, plus it was a nice day and I thought I could not use anything else.

Ok, so ten minutes is too much, from now on less than that if there is a queue.
But yes, they were most certainly both around five. I did wonder afterwards why they did not go straight for the older children's swings, but maybe it was because there were none free when they arrived, I don't know, I did not check that.

Patchouli Sat 15-Mar-14 21:13:20

Loo back to back in one is something I haven't thought of before.
Good idea!

Patchouli Sat 15-Mar-14 21:14:16

Loo ?
I just meant 'ooo'.

Treaclepot Sat 15-Mar-14 21:19:13

When you have two kids (or more) you will know longer find swings exciting and realise why waiting for ten minutes is a pain in the arse!

mellicauli Sat 15-Mar-14 21:20:02

She could have got one of her children to swap with the other after 5 mins. Completely her own fault they had to wait 10 mins. 10 mins is only too long for your child to be on the swings, not hers?

IKnowAMouse Sat 15-Mar-14 21:26:03

I am so glad I don't have to push ds in a swing any more. Not sure I ever lasted for 20 minutes though!

BrianTheMole Sat 15-Mar-14 21:31:37

10 mins is too long if people are waiting.

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