AIBU to think I'm being treated badly?

(71 Posts)
ForeverJinxed Fri 14-Mar-14 20:07:31

After 18 months of searching, lots of hard work and plenty of rejections, I finally got a job early this year and I've been working for a month now.
Since the firm is well reputed and the job looked really interesting, I was so excited about starting work.

While I do find the work involved very interesting and the culture of the office is also quite good, I dread going to work because one of my colleagues treats me horribly. sad

I am completely new to this sort of work and I am being trained by her. I consider myself willing to learn and while I may not be a genius, I don't think I am stupid or a slow leaner. Despite this, I find myself constantly being humiliated and insulted by her. She is rude and patronising and she tries to control everything I do.

She speaks to me like I am a child and she is my teacher. She also tries to pull me into arguments when she knows our manager is around. For example, we often have arguments over what's been taught and what hasn't. I am often explained some things in a hurry and so I obviously don't follow or retain everything. But she'll quiz me on it the next day during some random task that's assigned to me and then after she's made me feel extremely small and stupid for not remembering it all, she'll deny having taught it in a hurry and insist that I have forgotten or that I "should have noted it down somewhere". If there are other colleagues around, she'll try to embarrass me by asking me to explain aloud what she told me yesterday or by "quizzing" me on something.

Her method of teaching is also quite odd and inefficient. Instead of explaining things straight off she will open up documents and ask me to tell her what I understand. Obviously I'm at a loss when she does that because I've never seen those systems or documents before.

It's really hard to explain her attitude in words, but I suppose the best I can say is that her tone is very abrasive and her manner is deliberately condescending.

Given that it's my first full time job and that I am completely new to this line of work, it's obvious that I have to learn from scratch. There will be times when I have to ask questions and sometimes I'll forget and ask the same question twice. I don't understand why this means that I have to be humiliated and intimidated and treated like a wayward child by somebody who is my age and is not even my supervisor or my manager.

I don't know what to do. The other day i couldn't take it any more and I just argued back. As luck would have it, this was overheard by a supervisor who told us off.

I am terrified that she will ruin my chances of retaining the job I've worked so very hard to get.

I have no idea how to work around office politics and I don't want to come off as the new girl who complains. If I say something about her, nothing is stopping her from making things up about me and since she's been around longer I have to assume that she will be believed and I won't.

Any advice on what I should do about this?

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 14-Mar-14 20:11:18

How is your relationship with your line manager? I'm wondering if you feel you could have an unofficial discussion about this. This sounds intolerable, and would be better than you blowing up at some point under extreme provocation.

ForeverJinxed Fri 14-Mar-14 20:12:52

If I had to evaluate myself or go by the feedback that other colleagues have given me, I would say that I've picked things up quickly and I'm already handling some tasks and client queries independently.

AFishCalledBarry Fri 14-Mar-14 20:13:10

Is she your line manager? If not, then go and talk to your line manager asap with examples of her behaviour. With a bit of luck you won't be the first person this has happened to.

If she is your line manager then you'll have to go one step higher. You need to tell someone in a more senior position what's going on.

Are you on a probationary period?

ForeverJinxed Fri 14-Mar-14 20:15:47

My manager is nice, but I don't know if I should complain outright about this to her. She has hinted that she is aware of how my colleague can be but she has also reprimanded me ( don't know why because none of these encounters were ever really my fault.)

I'm also too new to feel comfortable taking anyone into confidence at this point.

ForeverJinxed Fri 14-Mar-14 20:16:21

Yes I am on a probationary period. Which is why I am even more hesitant.

ForeverJinxed Fri 14-Mar-14 20:18:25

I have no complaints so far about my manager's attitude towards me. She is not rude or mean at all. I just feel like she might be hearing some negative feedback about me that isn't true.

hiddenhome Fri 14-Mar-14 20:19:26

Could you jot pertinent things down in a notebook for reference later?

When she's explained something to you, ask her to wait until you've repeated it back in order to let her know that you've understood, then make a note of it. Let her see you writing it down.

Are you an assertive sort of person, because she shouldn't be talking down to you and you have every right to pull her on it? - you can be polite, of course, but let her know that you won't be pushed around. If she's not your manager or your superior then you don't have to put up with her attitude. Perhaps if you do bite back, she'll back off.

I bet she's really unpopular with everybody and they all secretly hate her guts because they'll have been through similar when they first started.

If things don't improve, then talk to your manager. Don't put up with her spoiling an otherwise pleasant job.

ForeverJinxed Fri 14-Mar-14 20:25:53

I am a fairly assertive person but I've been curbing myself because I am very hesitant to ruin my chances at the firm.

There have been occasions where I have had to answer back and when I've just been rude to her the way she is to me. It doesn't seem to have helped. She just continues to be the way she is.

Another colleague has told me that she doesn't like this girl either and that her attitude is awful, but this colleague is also really junior and can't do anything.

ForeverJinxed Fri 14-Mar-14 20:27:56

"When she's explained something to you, ask her to wait until you've repeated it back in order to let her know that you've understood, then make a note of it. Let her see you writing it down."

I do!!

She still picks up on some obscure thing that she knows I haven't written down and questions me on that.

Do you suppose I should take her aside and confront her directly?

hiddenhome Fri 14-Mar-14 20:32:25

Perhaps you should confront her, yes.

She sounds like a right tit.

We had similar recently with a new care assistant who started at our nursing home. One of the other care assistants was overbearing towards her, talked down to her, was bossy and unpleasant. The new carer thought that this other carer was her manager! We put her right and told her to stand up to her and she did begin to stand her ground. We all know what this carer is like, but this new woman didn't, and had two weeks of being treated quite badly until she became angry and decided she wouldn't take it anymore.

CoffeeTea103 Fri 14-Mar-14 20:32:45

How much longer for your probationary period to be over.
I would just wait until then tbh before approaching people.

mistlethrush Fri 14-Mar-14 20:35:51

"This is an obscure thing that you have not yet shown me, look, I wrote down everything you showed me in that session and you definitely did not cover that, please could you show me what to do now?"

ForeverJinxed Fri 14-Mar-14 20:36:22

I think two more months? I'm not sure.

Do you think something like could result in me not passing my probation? sad

ForeverJinxed Fri 14-Mar-14 20:37:56

mistlethrush-

Already done.

Her reply?

"This means you didn't write everything I said down". And then she went and told the manager that I don't take notes seriously enough and keep asking her the same question.

CoffeeTea103 Fri 14-Mar-14 20:40:11

You know at this point i really think that saying something would just go against your favour. Even though your concerns are valid, it will probably be seen as a whole lot of trouble where there doesn't need to be ifyswim.
Just do your best for the next two months until you become permanent and then you don't have to take her crap anymore.

ForeverJinxed Fri 14-Mar-14 20:40:34

I'm already putting in extra hours at work and doing my best to learn as quickly as possible. Most of the other people who joined when I did are still barely being given any work.

It's really difficult to go on when the only thing that gets noticed is the one thing that goes wrong and the five things that went well are ignored.

Tryharder Fri 14-Mar-14 20:42:01

Nod and smile. Swallow your irritation. Bite your tongue- this is not forever. Learn as much as you can. Don't argue.

When you have passed your probation, you can complain if necessary.

Tryharder Fri 14-Mar-14 20:43:49

Perhaps her niggling is her way of trying to push you to become even more competent. Maybe she's aware that you know the basics and is testing your knowledge of the obscure. Try and see her actions as a compliment rather than her trying to put you down.

ForeverJinxed Fri 14-Mar-14 20:44:01

Yes, that's why I haven't officially complained. Because I'm so new and nobody knows me that well to understand or trust me anyway.

I'm just very concerned that she will keep giving unfair and negative feedback about my work despite the long hours and effort I am putting in.

Sometimes I also feel like she's deliberately doing too much too soon just to fluster and unsettle me.

ForeverJinxed Fri 14-Mar-14 20:45:21

"Perhaps her niggling is her way of trying to push you to become even more competent. Maybe she's aware that you know the basics and is testing your knowledge of the obscure."

I really doubt that.

Try and see her actions as a compliment rather than her trying to put you down.

You probably have to be there to understand how she is, but this is impossible to do.

CoffeeTea103 Fri 14-Mar-14 20:45:55

Being through a similar experience I can tell you it's probably that she is threatened by you. Don't get involved in the politics of it. If your line manager can't see the value in your work then that that says a lot.
In evaluating whether you should be taken on as permanent, they will get assessment from all the other colleagues that you interacted with. So rather focus on building those relationships in the mean time.

ForeverJinxed Fri 14-Mar-14 20:45:56

The only time I say anything is to defend an unfair thing that is being said about me.

EBearhug Fri 14-Mar-14 20:48:14

My manager is nice, but I don't know if I should complain outright about this to her.

I don't think you need to complain outright, because what you want is a solution. I would say that I was finding it difficult to pick up some things I'm being taught because of the way it's being delivered, being asked what you understand from a document without any introduction. I'd ask if she was aware that you are entirely new to this work? Point out that feedback from other colleagues suggests you are capable of picking things up fairly quickly from other people

If I were your manager, I'd want to know how you've dealt with it so far - have you spoken to the madwoman to point out that this work is new to you? Have you suggested to her that it would be more helpful to have an introduction about what you're looking at today?

Try and take back control - there is probably a grain of sense in what she says about noting things down. Certainly when I'm learning new things, I do take notes about it all, but that is partly the way I learn things, and I know that I'm far more likely to remember things I've written down - plus if I don't remember, I've got notes to refer back to anyway. This is particularly useful if procedures aren't well documented.

Try and write a summary of all the things you have covered, and try to think about how well you think you know them. (Don't do it just for this woman, but for everyone else who has been showing you how to do things.) You can then ask what else you'll need to cover, and which are the highest priority. There may be a list of things you need to know somewhere in the department - if not, then you can start building one, if other new people come after you.

I have spent quite a bit of time training up new people in our department on the various processes we handle. I work through ticklists of things everyone needs to know, and then other lists of things you need to know if your role will include a particular area of responsibility. If you've got something like that, it's much easier to see what you've been covering and if you do quiz them on something, you can be sure whether it's something they should already know or not. But I wouldn't expect them to learn absolutely everything on first viewing - quizzing people is also a way of gauging what we need to go over again, not an opportunity to belittle them.

I think she is behaving unreasonably, but I think you're more likely to get somewhere with your manager if you approach it as you recognise there's a bit of a problem, but you want to look at how you can make things better, rather than just complaining - although pointing out that feedback from others is good is at least hinting that the problem is not with you. This should put you in a stronger position if she continues to be difficult and you do have to take it further.

Good luck.

amicissimma Fri 14-Mar-14 20:50:50

I'd bet quite a lot that you are not the only person who finds her difficult.

I'd recommend forcing yourself to remain calm, don't stoop to her level. When you ask her something and she says she's already told you, then just say, politely, that you need her to explain it again or to clarify. Maybe allow yourself the teeniest sigh, if you must! It's hard, but it will be noticed. Your speed at picking things up will also be noticed, plus your brilliance at dealing with your difficult colleague.

Don't apologise. Don't get into a discussion about whether or not she's shown you, or whether she's been clear or detailed enough. You can't win with people like that. Just say 'please show me/explain again'. Repeat as necessary. When she presents you with something you don't recognise, just say that you need her to explain/show before you are able to do whatever it is with that. Don't worry if it's in front of someone else. She's supposed to know the job. You're the learner. You won't look worse for not knowing than she will for not having brought you up to speed on it.

ScarletStar Fri 14-Mar-14 20:52:14

Because she's been there longer than you have, I'm sure everyone is well aware of her personality and how difficult she is. Don't necessarily see her time at the company as a good thing.

I had an arsehole colleague like this and I was advised by my line manager to write everything down but keep factual and unemotional as I reported it to the Head of Department. It was brilliant advice, as it showed how he prevented me from working to the best of my ability, which the Head couldn't ignore. I kept my feelings of how stressed I was and wanted to kill him, to myself, because that was a natural result of his unprofessional attitude. Maybe just start to write everything down, even for your own sanity. It would also wind her up to see you make notes to yourself after every horrible encounter. grin

eightandthreequarters Fri 14-Mar-14 20:53:28

Go to your manager with this, absolutely. This woman is going to your manager with lies about your performance, and you must put that right. Do not be emotional, do not get upset, go in calm and confident and present the facts.

Reiterate how much you love the job, how much you have learned, how keen you are to do your best for the clients, blah, blah. Keep this all focussed on how you want to do your best for the company, and this attitude is holding you back. Throw in the word 'unprofessional' at key points to describe her behaviour. Make sure you stick to criticising her training of you, not her herself or her own work. Ask for advice on how to handle this situation professionally and in the best interests of the clients, rather than simply complaining.

Your point will be made, though, and your manager will not be able to believe her lies about you without question.

hiddenhome Fri 14-Mar-14 20:59:09

The management must be pretty stupid if they've haven't identified this woman as a problem. She sounds as though she's not particularly subtle.

justasmallone Fri 14-Mar-14 21:00:24

I was in a very similar position in my current job. I tried to ignore it, then tackle it head on until it came yo the point where i wasnt prepared to take it anymore.

I complained to my manager and discovered I wasn't the first. He was well known for this sort of behaviour and was pulled up on it. Things have been a lot better since.

justasmallone Fri 14-Mar-14 21:01:37

I agree with eight.

SomethingProfound Fri 14-Mar-14 21:02:25

Talk to your line manager, but instead of coming at from an angle of complaining try saying that you don't feel her method of training is right for you, have examples of why this is the case. Say you are bringing this to their attention as you are really enjoying working there and want to be productive and competent member of the team and you are worried that this wont happen unless the issues in how you are being trained are addressed. Your manager and company will want you to succeed, recruiting someone new and training them is a time consuming and costly process so will want to ensure you stay.

ForeverJinxed Fri 14-Mar-14 21:02:38

Just to clarify, I do take take notes. That's actually the only way to remember things.

But some things are told in passing and some things are taught in a hurry while completing urgent tasks with deadlines (which makes it impossible to take anything down). I cannot possibly document each and every thing that is ever said to me and that is exactly what she expects.

I think her game is to portray me as someone who forgets things and lies about whether or not something was covered.

Also, with some things just one training session is not enough. And sometimes I need to see the more complicated bits more than once in order to really retain them. I would never take ownership of a task unless I was confident that I could do justice to it. So there have been a couple of occasions where I've asked to see the same thing a second time. On these occasions I have been made to feel like I am a stupid child who is wasting time.

ForeverJinxed Fri 14-Mar-14 21:18:26

Every time I say something was not covered in detail or if I can't recall her having said something to me because it was very brief and in passing, she always makes it a point to say "We've been over this", "I already did this", "Don't you remember what I taught you the other day?"

For example, there was a task that I had already done. My manager asked me about it but she used an alternative terminology that I wasn't familiar with. So because I didn't know what she was referring to, I said I hadn't been shown that yet. She explained what it was and when it rang a bell I immediately corrected myself and said I knew what it was but I didn't know there was another way to refer to it.

My awful colleague overheard this and very smugly said to the manager- "I've shown her this" and rolled her eyes. I'd had enough!!! I just asked her to repeat herself. She did and then I said very clearly that I had already admitted to knowing the task, but I just didn't know that it could be called by another name as well.

mistlethrush Fri 14-Mar-14 21:22:00

Can you record all her 'teaching' sessions?

ForeverJinxed Fri 14-Mar-14 21:26:02

Record on my phone? Or just sly audio recordings?

Recordings and photography are not allowed in the office so I don't think I could pull those up as evidence without getting into trouble myself.

lavenderhoney Fri 14-Mar-14 21:27:24

How long is this training supposed to last and is there a checklist for you and her? If not, write down the list in bullet points and ask her to list anything else she thinks you need to know.

Then see your line manager and show her the list. Say " it should be completed by x as discussed with smarty pants."

Its her job to see you've been trained properly. Its your job/ line managers to ensure she covers everything adequately before turning you loose. Get control of that process.

If its that awful you don't have to stay past the probation period. Keep your cv updated, add your new skills and get on linked in. Imagine working there with her - its going to be hell. Start to network round the company, so people know and like you, not time wasting, just interest in other depts etc. there might be a role elsewhere. Look on it as a temp assignment.

You won't be the only one she has pissed off. She is insecure and resentful of you and you won't change that. If she moans you're not writing things down, ask for a copy of the procedure already in place. If there isn't one be proactive and do it for all new starters. Tell your line manager you are doing this as she will take credit if you don't. Tell others you are doing it and be open about it. It should be an organic documentsmile

Be pleasant, polite and make a plan. Even if its to leave as soon as you can.

NewBeginings Fri 14-Mar-14 21:33:59

I would email her and phrase it is 'I'm concerned that you seem to be getting frustrated with me and I would like to know what I can do differently as I am really keen to make the most of this opportunity. What I would find really helpful is if we could do x,y,z.'
Or something along those lines. That way you have it in writing that you have addressed this and if she doesn't do the things that will help then you can escalate it further, with proof of what's been said. It's also not an attack on her so she can't legitimately get the hump with you for it.

ForeverJinxed Fri 14-Mar-14 21:39:45

Right now I just don't want her to jinx my probation and I have no idea how to protect myself.

lavenderhoney Fri 14-Mar-14 21:48:24

Protect yourself by seeing your line manager for a 1:1 and asking for a progress report on how you are doing.

Then do as I suggested below, and take control of the training so you know what you are trying to achieve. All stuff like this in good companies is documented and also feedback on the trainer is as well.

Seriously, is this company right for you? You seem desperate to be there, but it sounds horriblesad

The probation period is not a one way street. They are the ones who will have to re hire etc and all this costs money. You- keep looking for another job and be honest in that the company turned out to be very old fashioned and you found the company culture very difficult, in terms of management style and leadership. People will know exactly what you mean!

Did you ask about staff turnover on your interview, in your dept?

floraldora Fri 14-Mar-14 22:28:40

What a cow! I wouldn't be surprised if there is an extremely high staff turnover at your workplace because of her.

I actually left a new job a couple of months ago because the woman training me (who was also, unfortunately, my boss) was similar to the woman that is training you. She'd train me on something, so I'd get on with it, then do something wrong as she'd omitted to tell me something vital, then get it in the neck from her as she'd 'already told me' it even when she hadn't.

As the woman at your work isn't your boss, I would approach your boss calmly and factually and tell him/her about how you are feeling.

ImperialBlether Fri 14-Mar-14 22:31:22

I think you should record her. Put your phone on mute and press record every time she speaks to you. Put it in your pocket. Don't tell her. When you get home at night type up your notes. Keep them in the file. At some point she will realise that you're recording her. That's fine. She has told you to keep notes hasn't she? You are keeping them. I think the bullying will stop when she realises you are recording. Good luck.

lavenderhoney Fri 14-Mar-14 22:43:37

Isn't recording people without their knowledge illegal?

I wouldn't do all that, just think what you are being trained on- it must be over soon, I can't think of many roles that need 3 months full day to day training, and if there isn't a procedures book you are in the wrong place anyway. Any company that expects staff to follow exact process has them written down, not relying on staff to tell new hires!

Keep job hunting. Smile and be pleasant. For all you know, she is shagging the boss and will never be sackedsmile welcome to the world of office politics.

When she tells you things, write them down and ask her to look at it so you haven't missed anything. Type it up. Get her to initial it. Say you're looking forward to your meeting with hr to see how you are getting on and her performance as a trainersmile be nice to everyone.

BeautifulBlondePineapple Fri 14-Mar-14 23:00:29

It does sounds like she's being deliberately difficult, obstructive and a total bitch. She probably feels threatened by you. I doubt very much that you are the only person who has had problems with her. However, I do think you have to bite your tongue until your probation period is over.

I would make sure that you get communications with her documented - it is much easier to prove that someone is being obstructive if you have written proof.

Be careful about your language though - make sure nothing could be twisted. Everything you say should be positive. How about emailing her to say that you're enjoying the first few weeks training and that you are sure she appreciates how much you have to learn and that you would really appreciate it if she could outline the scope of your job description and to confirm the dates that she has trained you on x,y and z. Just so you can be sure that you haven't missed some crucial area of course. Perhaps you could ask for some training documents (and then raise it with the manager if none are available or forthcoming). Maybe you could suggest in the email that you could assist in writing some if there aren't any? You could also ask her if she is happy with the way the training is going and if you can do anything else to facilitate it. This way you will be seen as being proactive and open to learning...exactly what a company would want in a new employee.

If she is still a problem when your probation period is over, I would take more direct action. Bide your time.

mumminio Fri 14-Mar-14 23:16:33

Great advice on here. +1 on keeping a record, also make note of all the positive things you did (which she forgets so quickly) as well as the things you get pulled up on. When your probation comes up, you will have something to fall back on if you need it. (if you don't need it, that's even better).

Good luck and keep learning.

EurotrashGirl Sat 15-Mar-14 00:02:23

Is there any way you could ask to be trained by someone else?

ForeverJinxed Sat 15-Mar-14 00:31:08

There is one more person who could potentially train me. I don't know how I can ask for my trainer to be changed without complaining or being critical though.

ForeverJinxed Sat 15-Mar-14 00:37:21

In the 1-1 meetings I've had so far, it's been more about what I do wrong than all the things I've been working so hard at to get right. I feel like I can work my arse off and still not be noticed because only the one thing I did wrong that day will be picked up on.

I've never had 1-1 meetings before so I don't know if it's the norm to discuss only improvement areas? I'd personally love to hear some more positive words of encouragement and some acknowledgement of the long hours and hard work I've put in.

Kandypane Sat 15-Mar-14 06:44:13

OP you HAVE to talk to your line manger to cover your back.

If she's been moaning about you and you haven't had your side heard you might not be kept on.

Also you owe this woman nothing so don't feel bad about criticising her. Look after yourself.

lavenderhoney Sat 15-Mar-14 07:32:32

Op, a 1:1 is a. 2 way meeting and would be used to talk about good and areas of improvement, plus any issues you have.

I think your manager is not a good one if they can't manage a simple 1:1 and also ensure that the training process works.

Personally I would not want to stay. And the way you are being treated, you shouldn't want to. Be careful you are not being used to stay til the need of the probation period and then they don't take you on ( using you)

ForeverJinxed Sat 15-Mar-14 11:12:40

AIBU to think that maybe my manager should say something if she overhears someone talking down to me?

nobeer Sat 15-Mar-14 11:41:03

You definitely need to speak to your line manager. I would word it that while you're really grateful to X for spending so much time and effort training you, at times you find her style of training confusing and difficult to follow. X seems to be unaware that during the learning process, instructions or methods in the job sometimes need to be repeated in order to be learnt. And give some examples. Also tell line manager that you're really enjoying the job and feel that you've got to grips with certain aspects of the job.

Good luck OP and don't let her get you down.

BIWI Sat 15-Mar-14 11:47:20

Do you have a clear list of criteria against which you will be judged to have passed your probationary period?

ForeverJinxed Sat 15-Mar-14 12:19:19

Well we have a general list of things we are expected to do over the course of the year to develop within the firm. However, the probationary period is not discussed much at all and I don't know what specific criteria will be applied to pass someone.

ForeverJinxed Sat 15-Mar-14 12:21:27

I want to take a moment here and thank everyone for their supportive words and advice smile I've become so used to being spoken to badly and being put down constantly and the kindness and support you have all shown is such a nice feeling!

ForeverJinxed Sat 15-Mar-14 15:26:09

I forgot to mention -she sometimes takes needlessly long to explain things just so that I'm delayed in getting back to my desk and therefore can't meet deadlines.

She also makes things more complicated than they are while explaining.

lavenderhoney Sat 15-Mar-14 15:39:19

Are you bring trained at your desk or in a room? It all sounds very odd. There should be procedures to follow. Verbal training if its complicated should have pre written processes.

Slow her down by making notes ie 1. Go to x screen. 2. Select from the drop down menu item x etc etc.

If she goes too fast, say so. If she gets impatient don't react. Just say " I'm making notes, and at the end can you just initial it so that you're happy I've got all the steps down"

You need to see your line manager Monday and ask for constructive feedback, plus a plan for the next coming months for end of probation period.

I think you are finding the probation period is just lip service and not a formal process which you may have been expecting. I don't think this is the right work environment for you.

sisterofmercy Sat 15-Mar-14 15:44:52

You could say that your learning style is clashing. You sound like a reflective learner and she sounds more like someone who liked to learn by doing (an active learner) and so she passes on information to you in that style. You might benefit from someone who trains in your style.

CannyBagOfTudor Sat 15-Mar-14 15:51:10

I think you need to have a good think about whether this is where you want to work long term.

It's not just the crappy colleague - it's also an unsupportive line manager who doesn't give you encouragement or stand up for you.

It sounds worryingly to me as though there may be a culture of bullying in your workplace.

hamptoncourt Sat 15-Mar-14 15:58:36

Is there a union OP? If so, join pronto and they will help you resolve this.

ForeverJinxed Sat 15-Mar-14 16:06:58

No, there's no union that I could ask for help. There is HR of course, but as I said I feel too new and unsure to take such steps.

And to answer the other question, I am being trained at my desk and at the desk of my colleague. Often I go over to sit at her desk to learn the procedures. There are some written procedures but they are very basic (sort of like go from A to B and then C) and they don't cover what to do when things go wrong (and they go wrong very often in my line of work). So when that happens, i have to ask my colleague and have her train me on that as we go along.

ForeverJinxed Sat 15-Mar-14 16:08:23

At this point I don't want to think about quitting because I have always thought very highly of this company. Moreover, it has taken me months to find this job and I don't have the energy or motivation to go through that rather traumatic process all over again.

Thumbwitch Sat 15-Mar-14 16:13:45

One thing you could consider doing is going to your line manager and asking for an interim "progress report" on how she feels you're getting on.
If she asks why you feel you need one, then you can say that you're becoming a little demoralised because you're always being picked up on the obscure things you don't know, rather than anyone noticing all the things you have learnt and are doing well - so you'd like to know if you're generally considered to be doing ok, or should you be doing something different.

You don't have to make a direct complaint to put what is happening to you out there.

CannyBagOfTudor Sat 15-Mar-14 17:03:47

That's fair enough, foreverjinxed, I just mean try and keep your option open, you know? Hang on to this job but keep your ear to the ground and don't be afraid to move on if something else comes up.

Don't feel you're trapped there forever - it's so much easier to find a job when you already have one so don't end up getting trapped into something for years IF it turns out to be the wrong fit for you (which may well not turn out to be the case anyway).

JennyOnAPlate Sat 15-Mar-14 17:48:51

Take notes on everything she is teaching you, then hand her your notes and ask her to check and initial to say that you've noted all the relevant detail. Pesent it to her as being for your own peace of mind etc etc.

LilJinx Sun 16-Mar-14 12:09:18

I've spoken to friends and family in real life about this but most of them have been so unsympathetic about it. This issue can sound so trivial when verbalised, you really have to be there to understand how awful it is.

Nancy66 Sun 16-Mar-14 12:15:45

isn't there anybody else who can train you?

I think it's perfectly ok to accept that the two of you don't gel and that, in both of your interests, you're better off trying to train under someone else.

Thumbwitch Sun 16-Mar-14 12:54:06
LilJinx Sun 16-Mar-14 12:54:42

I don't know how I can ask for someone else to train me without complaining about this trainer.

Nancy66 Sun 16-Mar-14 13:27:39

I'd say to the trainer that you feel you don't work well together and, for that reason, you have asked to be assigned a different trainer as clearly it's in both of your interests to get the job done as smoothly and quickly as possible.

You're not complaining you're just being sensible and professional in acknowledging that you are just not a good fit.

Sounds like the woman has it in for you and I'd have thought the longer you persevere with her the worse it will be,, so you need to shake her off

Glasshammer Sun 16-Mar-14 14:02:48

Can you request you are trained by someone else and state that present teaching style doesn't suit your learning style.

sykadelic Sun 16-Mar-14 18:28:19

I'd speak to the manager about your differences in learning vs. training and ask whether there's any way to have X train you for a little while to see how that goes.

I'd suggest making suggestions about learning tasks to improve productivity. Like an action plan for how to get work done and training done.

Could you could move your computer next to someone temporarily while training so you have that instant feedback?

I also personally make Word documents at every new job that outline all my tasks. I do the training, do the job and them write a very detailed "how to" guide for that task (all in one document) so if I need to go back and refer to it it's there (and also good if someone has to sub for me).

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