To think some people don't have a CLUE!?

(94 Posts)
BumpyGrindy Sat 08-Mar-14 22:48:02

DH and I don't earn a lot. I can't drive and I am sick of people saying "Oh you need to get driving lessons..."

No shit Sherlock!

DO these people have no idea how much they cost! I can't even afford the frigging licence!

I wouldn't mind a one off remark...but really....there are certain people saying it weekly to me and I want to say "Oh you're right! Yes...well once ALL OUR MONEY HAS GONE ON LIVING then how about you pay for them?"

Are people really this ignorant about how much others have to live on?

Sars123 Sat 08-Mar-14 22:51:54

Unfortunately it is my opinion that people will tell you their opinion whether you want it or not! The only thing you can do is ignore them. Good luck

Fusedog Sat 08-Mar-14 22:54:31

Op can't oh help you learn in his car?

It works out a lot cheaper and then you need only a few official lessons so to speak

BumpyGrindy Sat 08-Mar-14 22:54:40

I want some one liners that will let them know...without actually saying "See me? I'm as poor as a fucking church mouse....driving lessons to me are as accessible as a yacht is to you... is so shut your gob!"

WorraLiberty Sat 08-Mar-14 22:54:44

YANBU and once you get past the price of the lessons/test, you have the constant expense of running a car.

I can drive but I'm just not cut out to be a driver, so I sold my car 13 years ago and never looked back.

DH doesn't drive either and because we live in a London borough with fantastic links to transport, we just don't need to.

It doesn't stop the world and his wife telling us we should though.

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 08-Mar-14 22:55:18

Yes, especially on MN.
Learn to drive seems to be the advice given on a lot of threads. Lessons alone are £25 a week and then the rest, and it's usually given to women who aren't working, like it's such a simple solution.
And it's not as if it takes 5 minutes, it's a long process with the possibly of not passing anyway.
And then affording to run a car.

BumpyGrindy Sat 08-Mar-14 22:55:21

Fuse We have a car which we can't even afford to keep on the road and as I said I can't even afford the LICENCE!

EduCated Sat 08-Mar-14 22:56:28

YANBU, though I have a different problem in that I'm shit at driving tests. Actual driving in lessons and on practising, I'm fine, come the test and I'm like a drunken monkey in a three-wheeled go kart.

Learning to drive is expensive, and can take a looooong time, and is certainly not the straightforward answer some people like to make it out to be. There are also many people who can't drive for various medical reasons, some of whom are never going to be able to drive.

ExcuseTypos Sat 08-Mar-14 22:56:49

I'd just say something like "yes, I'd love to have driving lessons but I can't afford it at the moment".

Just be honest and that should stop them asking again.

I am in the same position as you and am told on a weekly basis that I must learn to drive. same as you have said about the costs too, I live on less money each week than the provisional costs. it really annoys me but noone seems to accept that we really can't afford it. infuriating isn't it

BumpyGrindy Sat 08-Mar-14 22:57:28

It's just so frigging ignorant. Like I've never thought "Oh it would be handy to be able to drive...why didn't I think of it before?" hmm

BumpyGrindy Sat 08-Mar-14 22:58:57

Mario I would LOVE to let people know what we live on. Their jaws would bust from hitting the floor so hard. These are people who think they're having a hard time because they're only getting one holiday abroad and a few weekends away instead of three big breaks.

Camping is a big expense to us...so when people say "Oh go camping it's so cheap" I want to poke their eyes out.

Thisvehicleisreversing Sat 08-Mar-14 22:59:07

I don't drive either because we can't afford it.

My 'friend' is constantly tutting and rolling her eyes about the fact I don't drive. She says things like "but once you've done it you've got it for life"

She doesn't get that it is totally unaffordable for me but then again she doesn't understand how lucky she is that her DH already owned a house outright before they got together and she has new cars every couple of years. hmm

I have slightly different things said to me.
I've driven since I was 18 (I'm now 47)
DH passed his test 20+ years ago and drove once never again.

When I say "DH doesn't drive" I get "Oh can't he learn, you could teach him"

"DH doesn't drive, not that he can't drive"

MIL said "You should make him drive"
Erm, there are enough nutters on the road. My DH is very unhappy behind the wheel. For him it's bus and train.

BumpyGrindy Sat 08-Mar-14 23:03:10

70 my Aunt is like that...she learned but driving is torture to her. She gets massively anxious about it and so doesn't do it. People are so rude...they ask too many questions.

BertieBotts Sat 08-Mar-14 23:04:09

This used to drive me insane as well, it wasn't just the lessons, it was the fact that the cheapest insurance I found, using all the tricks like adding an experienced driver etc, was going to be £2000 for the year. Totally and utterly unattainable for us.

I think sometimes people have no idea what it's like to live very close to the breadline.

The only people I know who are poor and can drive learned while they were still living at home with their parents. Unfortunately my parents couldn't have afforded to pay for lessons or insurance either!

I'd love to pay for DS to learn to drive when he's old enough. Would make things so much easier for him.

WorraLiberty Sat 08-Mar-14 23:05:06

Exactly the same here 70is, people assume the I don't drive is an I can't drive.

If you're not cut out for driving (and not everyone is) then keep off the bloody roads.

I know how to drive, I'm just absolutely shit at it.

bigkidsdidit Sat 08-Mar-14 23:05:58

Yes. I've just learnt, aged 32. I think,all in all, it's cost me about £1000. It is very, very expensive.

scottishmummy Sat 08-Mar-14 23:08:42

Totally agree!its that mn shite of get your hair highlighted!buy a car for two bob

Worra you'll remember the Fiddlers Roundabout (before it became a crossroads)
DH drove up Heathway, without his L Plates, round Fiddlers......
I was cacking myself but stayed silent.

He never drove again (though he'd drive with L Plates fairly ok). Once they're gone, he was fair game (these were the days before the P plates)

Permanentlyexhausted Sat 08-Mar-14 23:09:06

I can see it must be annoying, but ...

Why are people saying this to you? Are they just randomly stopping you and saying you should get driving lessons? Or are they responding to something you've said? What I'm getting at is that if you are saying something like "I hate the bus, it's always late" or "It's difficult to do a weekly shop when you have to carry it home on the bus" or "It's not easy to get to x on the bus" and they are then responding with "You need to get driving lessons" then it's in your hands. In other words, don't invite people to comment on your transport issues by bringing them up.

Obviously if they are just poping up in front of you and telling you to get driving lessons, there's no hope!

BumpyGrindy Sat 08-Mar-14 23:10:09

Yes the insurance is scary! We have a car thanks to a friend of a friend who gave us his Dad's car when his Dad died...very generous but we can't afford to drive it!

Making me mad it is! I am currently thinking of downsizing our rented house to a flat...much cheaper. We could actually drive then and also have some weekends away. Downside is no garden on the one I'm currently looking at...BUT it's in an absolutely stunning area...with some amazing countryside on the doorstep. So I am very torn. We could save 300 a month on rent! And it's a secure tenancy.

rubyflipper Sat 08-Mar-14 23:11:22

But if you're shit at driving, then it means you can't drive.

BertieBotts Sat 08-Mar-14 23:13:04

IME it's usually when someone suggests something which is off limits to you and you say "Oh I'd love to/that's a great idea, but I don't drive" or explaining that no it doesn't take you 10 minutes to get to X place but it takes longer because you have to walk or wait for a bus.

That's when they come out with, oh, you should learn, as though it's really surprising to find an adult who doesn't drive (in fairness I think that it's become vastly more expensive in recent years so it's more people who passed before this time who are surprised) and as though it's as easy as opening up a facebook account or something.

thinking101 Sat 08-Mar-14 23:13:29

Say ' thats not a financial priority for us right now'

or 'I'd love too but our budget is already committed to other things'

or 'we've decided to go green and not add to the pollution'

or 'like I said last week, its not for us at the moment'

or 'do I have to spell it out to you? then <head tilt> then walk off.

BertieBotts Sat 08-Mar-14 23:13:50

Go for that flat!! With countryside around you don't need a garden.

tiggytape Sat 08-Mar-14 23:14:51

YANBU - It is massively expensive to learn and to take the test (tests because there is the theory too).

And there is no point starting lessons if you will have to stop after a couple of months. The DVLA quotes 45 lessons as the average needed and that's for people who can practice in between. It is more if you don't have someone to take you out between lessons. And that's just the average, some people do need many more to pass.

In the past 10 lessons and a go in your Dad's car might be enough. Lots of people who got their licence at 17 still think 10-20 lessons might be about right not realising how much has changed.
The test is longer than it once was and much stricter so anyone who isn't a qualified instructor probably won't know all the eco-driving things for example that count now or the quirks of when you must use the bus lane or lots of other random things that can make you fail that most experienced drivers don't automatically do.

DevonCiderPunk Sat 08-Mar-14 23:15:45

Hmmm as the only driver in my house, who has carefully budgeted for lessons, test, car itself, insurance, tax, upkeep, petrol...

...it REALLY fucks me off that my partner just shrugs and says that he can't help out because lessons are too expensive.

EduCated Sat 08-Mar-14 23:16:43

Ruby If that was for me, then you're right, I can't drive, and won't be able to until I can pass a test and cope with the being watched without panicking and doing daft things. On my last test even the examiner told me off, because I drive fine for most of the test (2 minors) then panicked at a roundabout and hugely fucked up (1 big fat major). But until
I can do it without panicking I wont pass, and won't be a safe driver.

Coumarin Sat 08-Mar-14 23:17:14

I've come to the conclusion that the majority of the 'ooh don't you drive?' smug artists have passed very little else in their lives other than their driving test.

Coumarin Sat 08-Mar-14 23:18:45

Ha! That sounded way more bitter than I meant it. But honestly it gets on my tit end.

tiggytape Sat 08-Mar-14 23:22:42

It was cheaper to pass the test years ago and not just because prices have gone up since then. It was possible to pass with fewer lessons than it is now that they've added so much more to the test.

The DSA who conduct the driving test did a survey which found candidates who passed their test had, on average, 45 hours of professional tuition with a Approved Driving Instructor in addition to an average of 22 hours private practice so about 68 hours on the road.

If you don't have someone to help that's £1800 just for the lessons and then cost of tests and practice DVDs and hire fee for the car for the test is all extra. Years ago, people didn't need anything like that amount of lessons to pass on average.

Latara Sat 08-Mar-14 23:23:02

I can't drive due to epilepsy but if it suddenly improved then I wouldn't be able to afford to drive anyway...

It's paying for lessons, the practical test, the theory tests, the insurance, the car, the petrol, MOTs, all the other expenses that having a car entails. £1000s to start from scratch of never driving.

BumpyGrindy Sat 08-Mar-14 23:23:40

Bertie yes...is a garden (small) REALLY worth 300 a month? Only use it 4 months out of 12!

I can garden on the bloody balcony! I am viewing it next week and if it's got a balcony of decent size and the rooms are large-ish then I am going for it. There's a communal garden and a massive green outside. The village is bloody beautiful..like a picture postcard.

BertieBotts Sat 08-Mar-14 23:28:39

Doooooo it! I live abroad now and nobody has a garden but balconies are great, I'd go for a balcony over a garden actually.

Tulip26 Sat 08-Mar-14 23:31:27

Can I just jump in here and say I really like driving? I had more trouble getting through my test than you can imagine. Six instructors, failed theory twice and my car got nicked two weeks after I passed! But you know what? I love it. I love driving. It costs me a lot but it's almost cured my (decades of) depression in the last few years. I can go where I like, do what I want.

My life suddenly felt like my own, if that makes any sense at all. No relying on buses or other people for lifts. I can just go where the wind takes me.

peggyundercrackers Sat 08-Mar-14 23:37:02

These people probably do know how much it costs but obviously don't know how little you live on, just because you don't earn as much as them doesn't make them ignorant though. Sounds like you rent quite a nice house which costs quite a bit of money so they may think your quite well off...

Get the flat, but dont put the extra 300 tpwards you learning to drive. You have one driver in your household thats enough. Even if you just got rid of the car and hired one for exceptional circs when needed (sometimes cheaper than train tickets).

Use the 300 to enjoy your life.

And I say this as a driver. My dh isnt and tbh its no matter. He doesnt have the inclination or the need to drive.

treaclesoda Sat 08-Mar-14 23:41:45

I've never ever done this before because I know it's considered bad form to refer to another thread but I swear that 30 secs ago I just read a post from the OP on another thread discussing an incident where she almost ran someone over when she was driving confused I would never normally notice something like that but I read it just seconds before I opened this thread.

ouryve Sat 08-Mar-14 23:42:44

I sort of half wish I could drive every time I'm stood or an eternity waiting for a £7 return bus, then remember I'd have to catch that bus more than twice a week, every week, for the cost of running a banger to break even.

lostabottle Sat 08-Mar-14 23:42:59

I have a DS who is disabled so I got funded for a course of free driving lessons from a charity (was worth about £1800 I think). But I found it so hard that when I got to the end of the allocated number of lessons, my instructor said that I wasn't ready to take a test so I had to pay for further lessons out of my own pocket, which I really struggled to afford (single mum as well as a disabled DS). Then my instructor said I could try taking the test, but I still managed to fail. Took more lessons and tried again and failed (one of DS's diagnoses is dyspraxia and I suspect I have it too). Then I had to stop, the money I was spending could have been spent helping my DS.

Plus I looked up insurance for new drivers and it cost thousands (expensive inner city area), and with the costs of petrol, mots, maintenance, repairs etc it was never going to be affordable compared with the cost of public transport (which luckily is excellent in our city and DS can cope with it).

HadABadDay2014 Sat 08-Mar-14 23:50:45

It really depend on why people are saying it to you.

I enjoy driving and will happy to give lifts to people, but it fucks me off when people expect me to drop everything to give them lifts.

TheZeeTeam Sat 08-Mar-14 23:53:26

I know I've been guilty of saying this in the past. Because, if you learned as a 17 year old, paid by your parents, you're honestly not really aware how much it costs until you're paying for your own child to do it!

I do think the UK should offer a Drivers Ed programme in sixth form as it's so much easier to learn when you're young and you have no other commitments.

WorraLiberty Sat 08-Mar-14 23:54:49

I know it well 70's

I had a head on collision outside Gants Hill Odeon

I was trying to avoid the huge roundabout because I was nervous of it...and like a twat I pulled into a one way street the wrong way!

TakemedowntoPotatoCity Sat 08-Mar-14 23:58:12

I would recommend anyone to learn to drive as.soon as they hit 17, before life gets in the way, if at all possible. It's one thing I am very glad I did back then, and I had a Saturday job which purely paid for the lessons. Even if it takes a year it's worth it IMO. I know everyones circumstances are different though.

BumpyGrindy Sat 08-Mar-14 23:59:30

Treacle no...I was riding my bike! grin Down a lane...but there's another BumpandGrind. I'm BumpyGrindy.

BumpyGrindy Sun 09-Mar-14 00:01:19

Ken I think I'd have to learn as we'd be a bit further from school...DH can do school runs but it's easier if I do them. He'll have to drop them off for breakfast club to make it work for him with his job...and though that's not terrible, it might be a bit much...ideally I'd like to drive so I can go shopping and things...but I'm not that bothered otherwise.

expatinscotland Sun 09-Mar-14 00:14:28

This is right up there with 'just move'. Let me just break out my wand and magic up thousands of pounds and plenty of flats that aren't in a dump that are happy to take tenants with kids. Oh, wait . . .

DomesticSlobbess Sun 09-Mar-14 00:22:36

YANBU!

I get this all the time. I don't drive. I had a few lessons when I was 17. Then was without a job for a few months so had to stop. To be fair, I was fucking terrible and it was probably for the best that I was off the roads. Then when I got a job, it just wasn't a priority I was busy spending money on clothes and nights out and I was quite happy getting the bus to work.

Fast forward a million years and I now live in a small village. Everything is on my doorstep, a train to the main shopping areas takes minutes. It would be nice to have a car so I could take DS further afield while DP is at work but like I say to everyone who tells me I need to learn to drive, "Even if I knew how to drive, I couldn't afford to buy and insure one!"

Then they say, "Just use DP's car" which defeats the whole purpose of me having a car, because he already drives us if he's at home and then he would need the car for work anyway. A friend who is learning is always offering to give me her instructor's number, as if I can just magic money out my arse and start lessons that same week.

expatinscotland Sun 09-Mar-14 00:29:19

Yeah, just use his car. K, still need to be insured and have a provisional license. Then, if he's using it for work and you have no childcare, how is he supposed to teach you to drive with the kids in the car?

Trust me, I learned to drive a manual car with my ex, we almost split over that!

ChubbyKitty Sun 09-Mar-14 00:37:02

Ohhhh yadnbu!!

I could have almost written this. Except Neither of us drive. angry

Some people I know have some very odd opinions of how we spend our hard earned peanuts. I always though it was better to spend on things like rent and food!

And if I'm being completely honest I don't want to drive. DP does and will when we have the money. But for the time being we like to eat.

I've perfected the 'smile and nod', not just about driving, but other random topics people like to stick their nose into.

Valdeeves Sun 09-Mar-14 01:18:47

YANBU - as one who took years to drive, I could have had two five star, long haul flights for the cost. And lets not get into the bone crushing boredom of the lessons......

Valdeeves Sun 09-Mar-14 01:19:07

Holidays I mean!

WanderingAway Sun 09-Mar-14 08:11:53

I would love to drive but i just cant afford it so when people say that i should learn to drive i get a bit annoyed and upset.

TheArmadillo Sun 09-Mar-14 08:23:30

I can drive, but have no car (too expensive). Dh has never learnt to drive.

We walk, cycle or if necessary catch the bus. PIL sometimes take us places. I have hired a car before to go on holiday.

It's the idea that no one can survive without a car. Yes there is probably some places you can't but mostly in urban areas in this country there isn't a problem. And the once or twice a year when having a car would make things more convenient is not worth the poverty it would put us in (i.e. not enough for food or rent).

We are probably a lot fitter than most people, especially the ones who can't understand how we cope without a car wink

treaclesoda Sun 09-Mar-14 08:41:23

BumpyGrindy huge apologies! I read your other post wrongly and thought that she was the cyclist and you were driving.

So sorry blush

In that case, to get back to your original question, you're right, people don't have a clue that often when when you say you can't afford something, you really really mean you can't afford it. Not quite the same but I remember being patronised horribly by a friend (well, an ex friend) because we never went on holidays. 'Travel is so important, it's really sad when people don't want to leave home, no matter what happens I make sure I get abroad every year'. It made my blood boil because we were living hand to mouth, no money left over and I would have given anything to have been able to go abroad. People are very thoughtless a lot of the time.

bobot Sun 09-Mar-14 10:11:38

I'm in exactly the same position. If op can't afford the provisional licence there isn't really the option of dh teaching her in their car either. It also requires having someone to look after the kids, which we just don't have.

LimitedEditionLady Sun 09-Mar-14 12:01:38

Ive just passed,took hardly any lessons fue to cost and just got the instructor to show me how to do things correctly but tortured myself and dh arguing in our car while I practised, nearly split us up and has caused me anxiety because he constantly picks at my driving.Now I cant afford my own car as yet and people like to ask me constantly when Im getting a car which guts me at times.You cant win.

headinhands Sun 09-Mar-14 12:08:47

Oh god I used to get similar when I was in a flat on benefits 'oh you should get someone in to make you some lovely deep shelves' etc etc. and I'm stupidly nodding along knowing I've got £4.30 in my purse to last 3 days.

Dahlen Sun 09-Mar-14 12:11:50

I've always felt that being able to drive is such an important life skill for anyone living outside of an urban centre that it should form part of the national curriculum personally. But that's just me.

When I learned to drive years ago it was really cheap. I am staggered at how much it costs now.

But OP you haven't answered the question about why people are saying this to you.

Latara Sun 09-Mar-14 12:25:10

Some people just don't listen and you have to repeat yourself over and over again.

monicalewinski Sun 09-Mar-14 12:25:13

I have been guilty of saying "why don't you learn to drive" to people before blush.

I've never ever meant it in a smuggy way though, it's said out of a sense of not actually realising that I am as old as I am. I learned to drive 22 years ago at 17 whilst still at school - lessons were not as cripplingly expensive as they are now (I managed to pay for them with my Saturday/after school job wages), and you didn't have to do theory test then, insurance wasn't as ridiculously high as now and petrol was loads cheaper.

I think a lot of people that seem to flippantly throw the "learn to drive" line out are probably like me - so used to being a driver that it just doesn't occur to us that it's not as simple as that now.

Sorry!!

Essiebee Sun 09-Mar-14 13:00:15

Just say, 'No, we can't afford it.' I used to get asked all the time when I was going to give up work, (divorce, children at University clearly not good enough reason) and intimate that I was doing it out of choice until one day my patience snapped, and I snapped, 'until I have paid off the mortgage!' Retreat of smug married, deeply embarrassed. I felt much more liberated, and they did stop talking quite so much about their expensive holidays round me.

NuggetofPurestGreen Sun 09-Mar-14 13:16:34

YANBU OP I have spent €7k on learning to drive and I'm still not there. Obviously that includes buying a car insurance etc but I've spent €1250 on lessons alone.

The 'why don't you just use your DP's car/get him to teach you?' riles me - do people have any idea how stressful that is and also you need proper driving instruction not just someone who knows how to drive. I can read but I wouldn't waltz into a school thinking I was able to teach the kids to read. Help maybe but not teach. I had about 20 lessons before I was comfortable going in the car with my partner and not the driving instructor. And I wasn't going to drive his car either.

People are very annoying wink

Groovee Sun 09-Mar-14 14:20:24

For me driving is a life skill. I will ensure my children learn to drive when they are ready. My mum and dad tried pushing me into driving at 17, got me a shit instructor who smoked non stop during the lessons. They wanted me to drive so they could get me to drive them everywhere.

I decided to learn at 20 when I was ready. Started in the June, got lots of experience as dh made me drive every time we went out. Passed in the november and never looked back.

But I also have friends who can't drive and have no interest in learning but I'd never think of being rude and saying that they should. But some people don't know how to shush!

Hedgehog80 Sun 09-Mar-14 14:34:11

YANBU

I've tried twice, in 2004 I did manual lessons, I was dreadful and was stressed and anxious and gave up after a few lessons.
Tried again in 2011 but automatic and I was worse, incredibly stressed before each lesson, cried and cancelled a lot but persevered as I'd got a grant to do them. Passed theory test but had to give up lessons as money ran out and I got a stomach ulcer and migraines so couldn't drive.

Trying to get the courage to try again

BumpyGrindy Sun 09-Mar-14 14:38:42

HeadinHands my friend has that! People saying "Oh this garden could be BEAUTIFUL! You should work on it....make it nice" and she's thinking "Yes if you'd like to chip in for new shrubs and paving stones and a deck!"

I'm not "answering the question" about why people say this because I don't KNOW why they say it! hmm

candyapplecore Sun 09-Mar-14 14:41:03

DH and I don't earn a lot. I can't drive and I am sick of people saying "Oh you need to get driving lessons..."

But surely you must be saying something to make them say this?

I know lots of people in my team at work can't drive, I hardly walk in on a Monday morning and say - "Hi, how was your weekend? By the way I've been thinking you need to get driving lessons."

You must be moaning about something whereby being able to drive would make the problem easier.

Maybe don't moan and then you won't get so enraged by their suggestion.

midnightagents Sun 09-Mar-14 14:45:14

not unreasonable, me and dp are in the same situation except niether of can drive/afford lessons car tax etc. Even if we could there is no where to park it as we live in a flat. so cant forsee a time when we will be able to afford it, and its going to make school runs a fucking nightmare if we dont get the nearest one. People pointing it out just makes it more irritating, but tbh its not their fault we cant afford it so i just shrug it off most the time.

Thurlow Sun 09-Mar-14 14:47:05

YANBU. I get this a lot, though there about two times a year I might mention that getting somewhere is a bit difficult due to not driving.

I don't mind it from strangers but from friends and colleagues (who I don't ask for lifts from) it drives me bonkers. They know that I have no time, between my f/t job, my DP's shiftwork, and a young DC to have 3 hours lessons a week!

candy people do just mention it in the vaguest of situations. It's very irritating. You mention that you haven't gone somewhere because there's no nearby train, something that's not even complaining, just a passing comment, and they'll start on the whole driving malarkey!

Viviennemary Sun 09-Mar-14 14:49:17

I can't see what's wrong with saying we just can't afford driving lessons at the moment. It's no shame. Everyone knows learning to drive usually costs a fortune.

I get it a lot too. Only one tiny problem.

I. Am. Not. Allowed.

I can't pass the numberplate eyesight test so can't even have lessons. Always winds me up on here that driving is seen as this huge thing and if you can't, for whatever reason, you're looked down on (by some).

georgesdino Sun 09-Mar-14 15:13:17

You could learn if you want as you could move in the flat

EduCated Sun 09-Mar-14 16:13:24

People say it to me when I'm off to get the bus, or mention that I walk to work, or plan my journey somewhere and tell people why time my train gets in. Not moaning about these things, just mentioning them. It's like some people can't comprehend that it's possible to live without driving anywhere.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Sun 09-Mar-14 16:50:26

OP,I find the people who say things like this learned to drive years ago when lessons were cheap and the test was 15 mins long. They haven't a clue how expensive it is now!

LimitedEditionLady Sun 09-Mar-14 17:00:55

Did anyone get the constant asking of when are you doing your test?Pretty annoyibg when the people eho ask you didnt have to do the theory test,hazard perception and the lengthy exam when they did it.Erm not as easy as you think!!!

Bit aggressive innit. They're just a) making small talk, finding something to say or b) trying to be helpful.

NuggetofPurestGreen Sun 09-Mar-14 17:10:57

Fair enough but do they not realise the OP has heard of cars/driving lessons etc and would learn if she wanted to/could afford it?

Limited yep I get that all the time. I'm sorry I ever told anyone I was learning. I keep saying 'I'll do my test in my own time' but that doesn't stop them going on.

LimitedEditionLady Sun 09-Mar-14 17:17:36

Lol nugget its even more annoying when you think well you wouldnt pass your bloody test if you did it again now!!!!!

LimitedEditionLady Sun 09-Mar-14 17:19:07

Tbh I dont really mind not having a car,I dont NEED a car.I can walk.

LightastheBreeze Sun 09-Mar-14 17:27:19

It is very expensive, DS must have spent about £1500 before he passed, but did it from Birthday and Xmas money and working a lot of hours in his part time job whilst doing A levels. He can't afford a car but a least he has his licence for when he finishes Uni. We wanted DS to do this whilst he had no other commitments.

In the old days when I took mine I had a few lessons and drove our car with DH in passenger seat all the while to practice, also no theory test, just a few questions at the end about hand signals iIr ( shows how old I am).

HadABadDay2014 Sun 09-Mar-14 18:43:51

I passed 10 years ago. I think it was £10-£15 a lesson.

I am glad I did it before meeting DP and having DC. I was living at home earning £1000 per month and only paying my parents £200 per month for everything ( food and utilities)

No way would I be able to afford it now.

NuggetofPurestGreen Sun 09-Mar-14 18:48:46

Yeah that's the ideal way to do it HadaBad - did you have use of your parents' car? I'd love to have done it that way but wasn't an option.

It's hard finding time to do it also and I don't have kids so can't imagine how difficult it is if you do.

OatcakeCravings Sun 09-Mar-14 18:59:37

It's £30 a lesson where I live. I passed my test a few months ago, I had around 100 lessons so it cost me £3k to learn to drive. I bought a new car which cost £10k, but I got it on 0% fiance and am paying it up over 4 years. Luckily I am old so my insurance is only about £200 for the year. Explain to people these are the costs you are facing and they might get it! I am lucky to be able to afford it, I couldn't have a few years ago. And after all that I still absolutely hate driving, with a passion!! It has improved my life in some ways but it stresses me out so much that I'm not sure it's worth it!

VelvetSpoon Sun 09-Mar-14 19:00:55

It's not just the financial aspect (though I entirely agree people have no idea of the actual cost of learning to drive - lessons are £30 an hour round here!) It's the bloody-minded assumption that a) being able to drive is a universal panacea to any problem and b) that everyone can drive.

I am very, very clever (and shockingly modest grin). I took 3 tests as a 17yo. I failed them all. I was great in lessons, awful in tests.

With L plates on (and friends with me) I have driven round massive roundabouts, and distances of up to 60 miles. But I am crap at tests, and I don't think I have much chance of passing the theory, let alone the practical. But doesn't stop everyone telling me how I should waste money on have lessons!

DomesticDisgrace Sun 09-Mar-14 19:21:28

YANBU I just sold my car and I'm delighted!

firawla Sun 09-Mar-14 19:30:42

yanbu.. I can understand your situation, it's not always so easy to just do a few lessons and pass the test anyway. I have been learning on and off for about 2 years now, and 6 tests, and still not passed and so much money is going down the drain with it. It is really really frustrating the amount of money that has been spent, and I don't know how much more will be until I pass - its not very reasonably priced at all

HadABadDay2014 Sun 09-Mar-14 19:33:06

My parents haven't had their own car for about 15ish years, my dad has a company van which in his contract he can use on the weekend.

I met DH around 2 months before passing my test so drove his car instead.

I have never owned my own car, alway just been on DH insurance.

Yama Sun 09-Mar-14 19:40:35

CandyappleCore - you'd be surprised. I passed my test a few years ago, drove a few times and then stopped. I never bring up driving - ever. I have been asked many, many, many times to explain why I don't drive. Or asked when I am going to drive.

It gets very annoying as it tends to be the same people. Like they have a repeat button for when they see my cheery coupon.

NuggetofPurestGreen Sun 09-Mar-14 19:41:59

Yeah it'd be great not to have to buy your own car. I'd love to have learned at 17 but was never an option for me til now and now its costing me a fortune!

catsmother Sun 09-Mar-14 21:04:11

I do drive - an ancient car - but know full well that if I had to start from scratch right now - lessons, car, new driver insurance and so on - there's no way I could afford to do so. My insurance now is minimal due to years of experience and a cheap crap car but when my car dies I won't be able to replace it. And if I could, and it was even slightly "better" than what I have now - which wouldn't be difficult - then I wouldn't be able to afford the increase in insurance.

I think a great many people are incredibly tactless when it comes to "you should (do whatever)" type of remarks - and particularly so right now when more and more people are struggling to meet basic bills. It doesn't apply to everyone in this position of course but unfortunately, a significant number of people I know who do have disposable income to spend on wants rather than needs really do seem to have no idea how hard life is for others less fortunate and are very dismissive when told that you're skint, broke etc. My MIL - who travels abroad several times a year, has a cleaner, gardener, shops in John Lewis as a matter of course, changes her car every 3 years like clockwork etc (basically, she's very comfortable) - is forever telling us, after she's come back from yet another exotic location .... that we should "make the effort" to go to (for example) - Japan, South Africa, Norway - as we'd "love it" (no shit Sherlock) ..... regardless of the fact we've not had a holiday of any description for 7 years. I find her remarks incredibly rude and offensive and but for the fact DP thinks his mother can do no wrong and I don't want to start WW3 I would have told her to do one years ago ... instead, I just ignore her and don't respond to such tactlessness.

EduCated Mon 10-Mar-14 10:47:33

And anyway, why shouldn't non-drivers be allowed the occasional moan about walking/public transport/general non-drivingness?

Drivers get to moan about commutes, traffic jams and the like without being told to get public transport or walk all the time, or maybe they do. I dunno. But I don't see why not driving means you have to put up and shut up when there's no immediate solution.*

*Any responses of 'but you could learn to drive' and you will be told to RTFT.

MidniteScribbler Mon 10-Mar-14 11:55:56

But in the garden analogy above, Saying you'd love a new deck but can't afford it is one thing, but if your constantly complaining about the state of your garden and won't go out and remove weeds, sweep the patio and trim the shrubs then I'll have no sympathy. Same with non drivers - just get on with things and I don't care, but if you constantly whine and expect everyone to always come to you, or provide lifts everywhere then people will get annoyed with you.

CynicalandSmug Mon 10-Mar-14 12:04:35

Not only can I not afford to pay for lessons, purchase and run a car but honestly I do not want to turn into one of those lazy lardy arses that drives everywhere. Walking and carrying heavy purchases are an addition to my regular exercise. My motorist friends (except for colleagues who have to be reasonably fit) actually seem tired when walking more than a mile which amazes me. They drive to gyms but I can't see that they do much when they are there!

When people do go on the attack about driving I am quick to point out health and weight are important to me (I am slim) and having a car would impact on that. I also ask if they would like to pay for my lessons? Or pay my bills. Grrrrrrrrrrr I bloody hate people!

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