AIBU To twant a break from dogs some day.

(89 Posts)
FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 20:36:59

I love dogs. I truely do. And i have one, And i love him and would never part with him. I have been around dogs all my life.

BUT I have never had to be home so much with one (Previously they were mums dogs, and when i was a single parent living on my own my dog went to my mums sometimes if i was working etc so i got a break).

I just can't take it anymore. The mouth noises drive me up the wall. I want the scream and break things every time i hear it. I smashed my laptop up over it once. Literally. Its behind the TV with a smashed up screen and the harddrive files are all unsalvagable. (Yes i know i have a problem with noises) The smells. The hair. Staring at me STOP FUCKING STARING AT ME. Snaffling food off the floor if the kids drop some. Staring at people for food as though i starve him.

It just feels suffocating.

As i said i would never part with him. He is getting on a bit (He's 7, lab x ridgeback). But when he does pass i don't want another.

OH wants to have a St Bernard. "For the kids to grow up with" my arse. He would buy one tomorrow if we could afford it (He's not like, planning for Bs death or anything he's wanted one for ages).

AIBU To say absolutely not, i want a break. Ive had dogs dogs and more dogs for 24 years now. My mum had lots of dogs when i was little. I don't ever remember having less than 3 dogs growing up.

I might want another one day, But definitely not now, not if we had all the money in the world. We have one dog. I don't want another and even when he is no longer with us, not then either.

Cthulu Fri 07-Mar-14 20:40:40

Gosh. Are you sure you love dogs? Really?

Alisvolatpropiis Fri 07-Mar-14 20:41:28

Yabu.

Rehome the dog.

It would be better for both you and the dog.

squoosh Fri 07-Mar-14 20:44:20

You smashed your laptop up because the dog was making mouth noises? That's not normal behaviour OP.

AphraBane Fri 07-Mar-14 20:52:49

It sounds like you're saying you love dogs, you truly do, etc because that was your experience of love at home when you were growing up (a home full of dogs) - so you just don't know life any differently. But what you're experiencing is so far from normal pet owning behaviour - for your sake and the dog's you have to rehome soon. perhaps you can find a home with someone you know so that you can still visit the dog every so often for a short period, or even commit to taking the dog back for holiday care only. Once you know your relationship with the dog is temporary, you'll be much less tense at seeing him.
Under the circumstances it would also be very unwise to get a St Bernhard (who make pretty large 'mouth noises' when they want to, despite being the mildest mannered of dogs) until you've thoroughly explored why you feel the need to take on an animal you actually can't tolerate in practice. Best of luck with that process.

BrownSauceSandwich Fri 07-Mar-14 20:59:16

Christ! Smashing stuff up isn't a normal reaction to anything. Are you sure that the dog is the problem, or do you need a bi of help dealing with your stress levels?

youbethemummylion Fri 07-Mar-14 20:59:59

You either have unresolved anger issues and the dog is a scapegoat or you dont like dogs. Either way its not fair on the dog.

softlysoftly Fri 07-Mar-14 21:02:23

Yeah I think you shouldn't get another dog <<backs away slowly>>

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 21:04:10

Squoosh I know its not. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misophonia << Explanation. I did say i know i have a problem.

Not sure why i would rehome him. I love him for him. I just want a break some day but OH wants another one. I've never hurt the dog and he's well looked after.

BrownSauceSandwich Fri 07-Mar-14 21:04:51

Ps. I think it would be an awful idea to get another dog now. Kids and dogs is a tough combination, so everybody has to really committed to it. No guessing at this stage whether you should get another dog ever, but I think you've got issues closer to home to deal with first.

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 21:05:36

Aphra I know StBs make big noises. Thats one of the reasons im against having one! I couldn't take it. I'd have to leave.

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 21:07:31

And everytime i try to talk to anyone about this they just treat me like im awful and that B would be better off away from me. But ive not done anything to him. He's so well looked after, He's happy, He's got a better life than most dogs.

I don't understand why my feelings make me such a bad person. I can't help the noise thing its so horrible.

Its not only the dog that triggers it though. A few things do. People trigger it too, i can't eat in resteraunts etc because i just end up sat there with clenched teeth.

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 21:08:54

And i dont get tense at seeing him. I spend lovely time with him, i take him on runs etc. The noise is the main problem. Which i cant hear when im outside because i wear ear muffs near enough all the time because the cold weather hurts my ears so badly.

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 21:10:13

All my other half ever does is brush it off too and shows me pictures of st bernards and yes they're beautiful dogs. Gorgeous things. I love seeing them.

But imagining one in my house and all i can see if that huge, sloppy mouth.

It's fucking depressing me.

YellowTulips Fri 07-Mar-14 21:10:27

You should not get another dog and should consider if you can re-home the one you have.

I'm not a dog lover I admit. I can't stand the stench in friends homes who have dogs or the hair everywhere.

I think people just must get immune to it and/or lazy about keeping the animal clean and regular vacuuming.

You sound really unhappy tbh. I know I am likely to get flamed but I just don't think a family pet is worth the angst you are clearly going through and I suspect the dog can pick up on your tension. I think you both might be better off with a different arrangement.

RandomMess Fri 07-Mar-14 21:14:52

Can you have an outdoor kennel for your dog in the garden so he can go out there sometimes so you can have a break from him? It may help knowing that you can have an hour in your own home without having to cope with the feelings he triggers?

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 21:15:45

I dont want to re home him, i dont hate him. He's lovely. I wouldnt rehome an animal just because i dont like a noise.

I just dont want anymore. I want him to be my last one. I dont believe another dog could be as well behaved as him either or as good a family dog.

Its just my stupid issues and everyone implies im some sort of horrible animal abuser for it and im not i love him but i just can't take another 12 years of it when he does pass away but OH brushes it off like im just being silly. I dont like the noise etc and it does horrible things to my mind but i will be devastated to lose him as a dog when the time does come.

pmgkt Fri 07-Mar-14 21:15:52

I can fully understand how you feel, and I know others will flame me for that. But I was/am the same. We have 2 cavaliers which was fine before kids but I think part of it is a change in priorities from dog to kids. I have other friends who are also honest enough to admit this. Anyway I so understand the staring thing it really really bugs me, can't I have a few moments that aren't being watched!!! I agree with others, don't get any more dogs for a while, I won't be!

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 21:17:09

RM - In the summer he spends about 3/4 of the day outside (His choice, i leave the door open for him). He loves being outside (Hence why he comes on all my runs as well as his normal walks, he gets upset if i leave him behind).

In the winter he just cries though especially if its raining he hates the rain.

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 21:22:51

I can cope with B its the thought of another that makes me want to cry. The staring thing does bug me, but apart from the noise the things that bug me was mostly meant to be a bit tongue in cheek. They dont bother me to the point im stressed 24/7. Everyone in this house seems to stare at me pm so yeah i just want not to be watched lol.

The noise is weird. It's like, short bursts. IT's not a prolonged temper. I go all cold and the hairs on my arms stand up and i just want to hit something. It's short but very intense.

The laptop is the only thing i broke, i walked off to go upstairs and chucked my laptop down forgetting (We'd just moved) that it was solid tile. Not nice soft carpet anymore (I usually chuck something at the floor to relieve the symptoms, i have a rubber thing now).

RandomMess Fri 07-Mar-14 21:23:15

sad no chance a large waterproof outdoor kennel would make him happier to be outside?

I can understand the feelings of claustrophobia almost, like when my dc were all much younger it all just feels a bit intense at times.

Logg1e Fri 07-Mar-14 21:23:28

I don't think it's the dog's best interest to stay with you. They are a full time commitment, as you're now discovering with a dog you don't share responsibility for with your mum.

Sounds like you want to be a dog owner for the nice bits and ship him off to someone else's for the rest of the time.

I don't think you're suited to the grind and monotony of pet ownership. I would consider rehoming. although how anyone can find looking after a dog more onerous than a kid is beyond me

snowpo Fri 07-Mar-14 21:24:11

I can understand where you're coming from. I've always had dogs and never wanted to be without one. We currently have a Springer that we found dumped on the roadside in Ireland 7yrs ago.
I found that when the kids came along (now 3 and 4yrs) my ability to adore the dog and dote on him him disappeared. He became something else that needed my attention and my time and basically the kids took priority.

Having to drag the kids out in the cold and rain in the middle of winter to give him a decent walk was horrible. If someone had offered him a guaranteed lovely home I would have let him go.
I often shout at him for following me round the house - it drives me crazy, he won't stay in one place. He constantly wants attention. And the hair and the dust and licking the floor - bleuggh! I often think if my teenage self could see me now I'd be mortified. I do feel really sorry for him but thankfully my DH gives him cuddles.

How old are your kids though? I am now definately finding dog owning a bit easier when my DC's are at school/nursery. I'm actually starting to enjoy taking him for walks on my own again.

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 21:24:51

No he just sits by the door. We have to push him out to get him to have a wee when its raining, he wees dead quick and shoots back to the door and immediately cries to come in (Or opens the door himself if i've left the handle down).

livelablove Fri 07-Mar-14 21:25:00

Someone suggested noise cancelling headphones on a thread recently. That might help? Esp if other noises bother you.
Personally I really like dog noises. Mine does a really funny snorty noise when she is happy. I really enjoy this aspect of having a dog. If you can't stand these noises I think you should think carefully before getting another dog.

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 21:25:49

Logg1e - Not sure when i've said i have a problem with committment. Or when i've done anything not in his interest, he's very well looked after, i love him, i have a problem with noise and i can't stand the thought of another. I can cope fine with him. Just no more.

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 21:27:19

Pumpkin - Yeah thats totally it. I don't walk him in the pissing down rain, i dont pay for injections, i dont feed him. I just dont want the not nice bits see.

In what way are you "coping fine"? You're just after saying you smashed a laptop over his breathing and want to smash things whenever you hear it.

Logg1e Fri 07-Mar-14 21:29:16

It's all in your first post OP. That level of anger is not healthy for any of you to live with. Smashing a laptop? Hating him for looking at you? It's not ok.

RandomMess Fri 07-Mar-14 21:30:09

IT's been a long wet, winter - not surprised it's getting to you having him there all the time because he won't go out. I think it will get easier as your dc get older and always in the summer when he's out in the garden more.

I have no idea why your dh won't listen to you point of view though - it's very clear that you absolutely aren't wanting to commit to getting another dog.

Have you actually told your dh that you will absolutely not agree to it and he isn't to do anything stupid like bring a puppy home?

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 21:30:27

Live I've never heard of those, but ill definitely google. If it werent for the noise problem i'd feel a lot better.

The feeling these noises give me is just horrible. I cry sometimes because i cant take anymore noise (not just from the dog). I've scratched my skin so hard its bled before because of noises it effects me that badly.

snow My kids are 4 2 and 3 months. I dont mind walking etc, i enjoy it. Its the most enjoyable part when its not raining. I love taking him out, we do all sorts. I usually take him when the elder two are in bed and OH has the baby. OH takes him in the morning when hes not at work.

Logg1e Fri 07-Mar-14 21:30:39

You said you managed fine owning a dog when it actually belonged to your mum or when she took him off your hands .

Logg1e Fri 07-Mar-14 21:31:59

How many walks a day is he getting?

Blistory Fri 07-Mar-14 21:32:52

Would he cope with doggy day care ? That could give you a break once or twice a week.

I don't think it's wrong to recognise that whilst you love this dog and care for him, your dog owning days might be over. It's not as if you're not committed to him and he obviously loves you.

And as for your OH, it's maybe not fair but generally the person who really really really doesn't want the pet shouldn't be forced into having one, esp not a StB.

GreenLandsOfHome Fri 07-Mar-14 21:33:10

I love dogs. But I wouldn't have one.

We borrow my mums dogs when we go on walks to the beach/woods etc. It's fab. We get all the pleasure out of the dog with none of the work.

I hate the hair, the mess, the smell. I hate the responsibility, the feeling that you can't be out too long because of the dog. I hate the way they dig the garden up and drip water all over the kitchen floor. I hate muddy feet, slobbery mouths, puppies that chew and poo all over the floor with training.

It doesn't sound much like I love dogs - but I really do. I just don't like the work that goes with them. Hence we don't have one.

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 21:34:03

pumpkin I can live with it for a bit longer. I have no choice. I can't put myself through it for another dog though. Thats how. Because i have to ok. How do you think other people cope with much worse things than this? I'm not going to just rehome him behind OHs back. That would be awful. I agreed to him getting him. So i have i live with the consequences of my own stupid actions. Because im an adult. The dog isnt suffering. Just me. No one else. Im the one whos uncomfortable, im the one with no laptop.

Logg1e - Where did i say i hate him for looking at me? I said staring is annoying. Another poster said the same... It is annoying when anything stares at you. ITs annoying when my kids stare at me randomly. I dont hate them either funnily enough!

RM - He won't bring one home randomly. Not something like a SB anyway, He wouldn't know where to start. He wouldn't look at a dog without me there.

He seems to think im going to change my mind though.

GreenLandsOfHome Fri 07-Mar-14 21:35:19

I don't think you're suited to the grind and monotony of pet ownership.

Wow, really selling pet ownership there!

RandomMess Fri 07-Mar-14 21:36:28

Just the pestering would annoy me tbh, I hope you manage to get through to him that you don't want to hear about getting another dog at all ever for the forseeable future

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 21:37:46

Logg1e - I meant the things like noise didn't effect me as much. Which i think is because i wasn't constantly with the dog. She would go to my mums sometimes because we had three horses, and if i were looking after all 3 (One was my mums), then id be out all day, and the stables opened right onto a main road so i couldnt take her, so she went to my mums.

I have no issue with committment. Ive had horses for 12 years, You cant get much more comittment than that!

Depends what we're doing. Two or three a day usually. If the weather is really bad sometimes he digs his feet into the carpet and wont come out though so only gets one. He REALLY hates the rain. Then cries because ive gone without him the weirdo lol.

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 21:41:53

(Should point out, i dont have any horses to look after right now, I look after other peoples mostly since my OH had a job loss as i've not felt stable enough to buy another, But ive been away since i got pregnant with the baby).

Wow, really selling pet ownership there!

Oh, I love animals, I'm in sackcloth and ashes at the mo following the death of one of my fids on Tuesday.

But it IS a heck of a responsibility, much like children.

Logg1e Fri 07-Mar-14 21:43:58

OP I interpreted this as hating something, Staring at me STOP FUCKING STARING AT ME.

I think it's ok to accept that you can't handle owning a dog any more, priorities change and these things happen. But I don't think you should own a dog, and think your inability to see this is a worry.

Logg1e Fri 07-Mar-14 21:44:58

And smashing a laptop, that's not really a sign of acceptance and tolerance.

Ziplex Fri 07-Mar-14 21:45:45

How long have you felt like this? You have very young children and I bet your bloody knackered!!
I would like a bet on this being so tired as being the cause, I know for me when extremely tired my cats licking does my bloody head in, a ant could walk across the floor and I'd hear it!!!! Everythings soooooo loud!!
Maybe speak to your HV or GP as you may be a little "down" after the baby. What I do think is that your dog is becoming a fixation for you as he doesn't "need" to be looked after as much as the little ones do, but he's still dependant and it's not his fault.

OP, I simply disagree that smashing a laptop is indicative of "coping fine". I don't think we're going to agree on that.

I agree with the other posters on the importance of convincing your husband on the need for a break after this one goes. His wants shouldn't trump your - or the dog's - wellbeing.

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 21:46:49

Logg1e - No, its a sign of a problem, do you tell people with other problems theyre just intolerant?

The staring at me thing was meant to be a bit tongue in cheek. I dont hate him for staring at me,. Its just a minor anoyance that i can put up with now, but i dont want 12 years of it after he passes.

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 21:48:43

Ziplex - Its called misophonia. Its a noise thing. It always happens. It's just more intense when i dont get a break from the noise, although somethings it doesn't matter how long ive not heard them. If i had to hear my brother eat right now i'd be sratching my thighs raw within seconds.

Like if ive been out all day, and i come home, it wont bother me nearly as much for thefirst few hours.

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 21:50:23

Im seeing a mental health team next week or other things so im hoping to get help though. I can cope with him. the thought of another one though makes me want to run away.

I know for sure if aother dog walked through that door now i would take what i needed for me and the kids and leave immediately (Well, first thing in the morning obvs).

Logg1e Fri 07-Mar-14 21:50:24

You asked if you were being unreasonable for wanting a break from dog ownership. I think everyone has said, No, you are not unreasonable. I think some of us are questioning the wisdom in keeping the one you've got.

Do you really not think that smashing a laptop is a cause for concern?

everlong Fri 07-Mar-14 21:50:57

Do the dog a favour and rehome him. Seriously.
Owning a dog should not make you feel like you do.

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 21:51:33

Logg - I asked if i was being unreasonable to say no MORE dogs because i want a good few years break from having any.

I didn't ask if i should rehome the one i have. I agreed to having him. So i have to find a way to fix my problem dont i. But not for another dog.

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 21:52:29

ever its not the dog its noise. ITs not just the dogs noise either. I cant escape all of the noises. I agreed to this so im not just going to shove him off. IVe done the 3 years ive had him i can do a few more. I just dont want any more.

everlong Fri 07-Mar-14 21:53:54

But the noises he makes is adding to your stress.

Logg1e Fri 07-Mar-14 21:54:47

No, you didn't ask, but people are saying you should regime anyway. You are breaking furniture. You are self harming. This isn't good for you or those who share a home with you. You don't have to continue like this until the dog dies.

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 21:55:32

Ive done it this long i can do it a bit longer. I can. And if the doctors im seeing can help then great.

But not another dog. The thought of another makes me want to leave. But OH isnt taking me seriously.

Allergictoironing Fri 07-Mar-14 21:56:13

Hey Flock (waves at fellow Vaper). Have you tried giving your DH full and absolute responsibility for the dog for a couple of days, say at the weekend? I mean everything - walking, feeding, poo picking, vacuuming up shed hair, washing mud off feet, putting down disinfectant where he's been peeing, letting him in & out for peeing, cleaning muddy footprints off the carpet, mopping up slobber etc. If you're feeling you really want to make a point, feed the dog with something you know won't harm him but induces mild "softening" iyswim.

There's a reasonable chance that he plain doesn't realise the effort that goes into owning a dog. And an StB of all breeds? StB are lovely family dogs but do tend to slobber an awful lot and be a fair amount of work, and can be very demanding for attention/love. They are also bloody heavy when they decide they want a cuddle & plonk themselves down on your lap!

If that fails, you'll just have to tell him a flat no. And don't believe him if he promises to look after it himself or make the children look after it - you know perfectly well it will be yours and yours alone to care for (apart from the occasional walks or brushing) after about a month.

thepurplepenguin Fri 07-Mar-14 21:56:38

You're getting a ridiculously hard time here OP.

I have noise issues (although specifically anxiety-related) and can totally see where you're coming from. Have thrown stuff on more than one occasion.

You sound like a very responsible and caring pet-owner, just don't make yourself into a martyr. Your well-being is hugely important too.

But Flock, what if this one lives another 5-6 years? Or more?

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 21:57:59

He doesnt even take the noise thing seriously. He thinks im being dramatic. (He hasnt seen me scratch myself i wear a long dressing gown and tell him my mums dog jumped on me at hers if he sees)

My dog was gently snoring the other day behind my chair and I turned round and told him how much I loved him.

Logg1e Fri 07-Mar-14 22:00:42

Oh OP, it sounds so difficult for you and there's no need. You've done three years, you know this dog could easily live another three or four times that.

I don't think you should see it as a failure, just making a very difficult decision for the sake of everyone's happiness.

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 22:03:16

<waves at allergic> - Yeah, Thats the annoying thing. He's great. He'll happily look after him completely by himself. He'll do everything if i can't or just don't fancy doing it. So i cant even use that.

I will say though, I don't think he realises how much more work a st bernard would be, especially grooming. B has the ridgeback coat and takes very little upkeep. And i also know for a fact hes never had a puppy. B is VERY clean. He has only ever messed in the house when he was ill once. I dont think OH has considered the mess a puppy can make or how much a puppy can chew through, and the training of a puppy would definitely be down to me because OH is clueless and has some very strange ideas about puppy training.

We had a friends puppy over for the weekend buy it was freakishly well behaved which i was disappointed about. I was hoping it would drive OH mental and he'd finally say he didnt want another.

He's only ever seen one st bernard in person and it dwarfed B who is NOT a small dog. B was on his belly at it haha.

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 22:04:13

Logg - Oh no he's not 3 years old, he's 7 or 8 (I cant remember which, i always say the wrong one).

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 22:04:56

exit Snoring dogs are lovely. That doesn't bother me at all.

OH snoring on the other hand. Pillow over face. One day, i swear it.

deakymom Fri 07-Mar-14 22:11:52

i think your getting a real roasting here you've admitted you have a problem and you talked about seeing someone for it? i see no problems with that

your right you should have a break from dogs im on a cat break right now i love them i miss them i have three kids and no patience for them hell im lucky if i have patience with the kids every day! (not perfect)

you know what you have to do its put your foot down have a frank honest conversation with your oh tell him everything ...........good luck

Dinosaursareextinct Fri 07-Mar-14 22:14:06

You've got to have a really honest conversation with your DP. Or if more likely to work put it in writing. YOU WILL NOT BE HAVING ANOTHER DOG, OF ANY KIND, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. The DCs can have a cat, guinea pigs, whatever. They'll cope with that.
And can you think of any way of improving the current situation? If the dog is really wearing you down, re-home it. It can be happy in another family. I'm not saying take it to the dogs' home - you can wait till you find a family you're happy with.
If not, then maybe you could advertise a dog share? We have no dog (not at home for much of the day), but would love to have a dog to walk sometimes, or to have at weekends. That kind of arrangement would give you a break.
Can the dog spend some time on its own? Eg in another room from you?

CrabbySpringyBottom Fri 07-Mar-14 22:14:59

FFS! OP please don't take to heart all these comments by posters who clearly know absolutely fuck all about misophonia.

No one could love a dog more than I love mine - she is the world's most spoilt and cosseted dog. But sometimes the neediness drives me nuts, and the noises always drive me demented. She is a clingy cocker and the moment she doesn't get exactly what she wants, she whines this very high pitched annoying whine. I am acutely hypersensitive to high pitched noises and it drives me fucking insane. If we're out walking and I stop for a moment...the whining starts. The high pitched yapping at everything too. angry And and and and...! The whistley breathing. I don't even know how it's possible for a creature to produce such a piercingly high pitched breathing sound, but she does. hmm

I totally get you about the staring too. Usually I don't mind that much, but sometimes it's just yet another demanding face, wanting something from me. Similarly, usually I don't mind that she has to be in actual physical contact with me constantly, even down to hooking her chin over my arm in the car every time I reach down to change gear. But when I'm pre-menstrual and I just don't want anyone or anything to touch me... drives me bonkers and I just want to scream GET THE FUCK OFF ME!

Incidentally I react the same way when DD makes high pitched noises or behaves in an ultra-needy way when I'm in that hypersensitive state. I could quite cheerfully throw a laptop at the wall!

Does that mean I should rehome the dog and DD? hmm

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 22:15:11

Thanks for those wo've offered their support and kindness.

I have asked for this thread to be removed because someone IRL would recognise me from some of the info and i dont want people IRL to know i feel this way.

I think i was a bit hasty posting some of it but im glad i did now because its the first time at least a few people havent called me names or said i shouldnt have animals at all or accused me of being an abusive owner.

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 22:18:47

Dino OH and the kids would be devastated if i rehomed him. DD was upset enough when i had to stop dog sitting my friends cresteds at the beginning of last year. She isn't allowed indoor pets at her dads because hes allergic to anything with a tail.

My downstairs is open plan (Worst idea EVER we are moving ASAP i HATE this house).

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 22:22:46

crabby Thankyou so much.

The staring thing definitely annoys me more since i had kids. Thats mostly when ive been nagged and followed around all day. Even OH does it sometimes like WTF?!

My DD has recently started doing noises that annoy me too. She drinks cereal milk out of the bowl and the noise. It's making me twitch thinking about it. I pretend i need to wee and go and hide from it if OH is home.

And the whiney thing triggers it too and i have to ask her to please just be quiet and give me some space. Luckily she is very good at understanding, ive told her im poorly in my head and sometimes i need things to be quiet for a few moments.

Topaz25 Fri 07-Mar-14 22:28:29

Your partner really needs to see the bigger picture here, does he realise how much this is affecting your mental health? Don't give in and get another dog, especially a St Bernard. If you find a regular sized dog overwhelming a huge one won't help! St Bernard's make snorting noises and it wouldn't grow up with your children because St Bernard's have a short lifespan. Your children need you to be healthy and happy more than they need a dog.

zzzzz Fri 07-Mar-14 22:31:10

It sounds like you need a break. Could you put the dog in Kennels for a week and just recharge your batteries a bit?

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 22:35:49

Topaz - He thinks im just being stroppy.

I said to him that maybe if we could afford a decent sized house, with a good amount of land so it could have a warm outdoor space so i wasn't stuck inside all day, then id think about it, but thats not going to happen in the near future, not for at least ten years. If not more. We're only just getting back on our feet after a horrible period of unemployment.

But otherwise its an absolute no, theyre huge, We'd need a good amount of land because i simply wouldnt be able to walk it everyday on my own with two kids in tow - Itd be dangerous for me, the kids and the dog. He can't come home after 15 hours of work and give it a decent walk! I won't have an unwalked dog its not fair, especially one of that size.

Not to mention the insurance, when i looked up, for a level of cover id be happy with due to the problems StBs get, jessus ive insured horses for less! And the food - again ive fed a horse for less (Admittedly the horse was on a restricted diet and the food he was allowed happened to only cost £7 quid a bag).

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 22:37:45

zzzz We are hopefully moving soon and as our house goes straight onto the street, im thinking he'd be better off in kennels for a few days anyway so i will get a couple of days break there. Im going to try and get my mum to have the kids too even just for a night so i can sit in perfect quiet.

catbus Fri 07-Mar-14 22:53:35

What other noises affect you with the misophonia? You must have coping mechanisms for them? Fwiw I think the dog is a sort of red herring. Are you getting help for your disorder? (Sorry, I mean that in the nicest way!)

FlockOfTwats Fri 07-Mar-14 23:12:12

Cat - Mostly eating noises from people and animals. Coughing, not like, a random, one off cough. But little, deliberate coughs, or rather, dramatically clearing your throat (If you know what i mean). Anything repetitive, Some of them scare me more than make me angry though - You know like, when a PC crashes and your watching/listening to something and it goes duhduhduhduhduhduhduhduh really fast - That terrifies me, my heart starts beatign really fast and i start panicking and have to get it off as quickly as possible.

People sniffing too, mostly my OH because other people obviously i dont spend as much time with, but sniffing loudly for no apparent reason.

My only coping mechanism is physical really, i have a rubber thing i throw at the porch wall/floor (So im not risking hitting anyone, i have a terrible aim, if i threw it in anywhere else id definitely manage to smack someone in the face with it or itd hit the TV or something!) if it gets too intense. Its really weird its like it releases all the tension, its literally like being wound really tightly, everything inside feels clenched and tight.

I never take it out on other people anymore (I used to shout at my brother a lot when i was younger) and ive never taken it out on the dog obviously, its not his fault and i know that. Id never do anything to hurt him or make him unhappy. I'd never hurt any animal.

catbus Fri 07-Mar-14 23:19:50

That sounds so debilitating. What help is available for you? Sounds like your fight/flight response because of it is sky high- which I can relate to..
Dog is probably doing dog stares because he picks up on that inherent vibe, then the whole thing goes round in circles??

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers Fri 07-Mar-14 23:35:06

Why can't you wear earplugs at home?

HuskyBlueEyes Fri 07-Mar-14 23:38:10

Actually I find you completely reasonable.
My own dog does not lick her bits when in the same room as us, she will go into the garden.
However when she licks her lips I do know she needs a drink and its simply dehydration so I do not let that bother me.

I adore dogs, but when they do annoying things, yes it is more than frustrating.

My OH's mothers cunty dogs will stare and stare at you eat your food and one even screams until you throw half of it actually at them.
They also lick their bollocks non stop and one dog licks the inside of the others mouth oh so thoroughly which drives me so insane I must leave the room.

Horrible traits, which are actually to an extent avoidable.
Try teaching your dog the "No begging" command. It was a godsend for us, and as you say it my dog actually averts her gaze and moves away. Being a funny enough eater as it is, a dog which eyeballs you is highly off putting.

IronOrchid Fri 07-Mar-14 23:40:13

Wow. Wow wow wow. Have you considered a pet rock? Better for all involved.

FlockOfTwats Sat 08-Mar-14 01:06:32

Zombies - As it happens, I have actually picked some ear plugs up today. I saw them and wondered if they'd help block it out, as it is mostly at night when he its quiet it gets to me the worst because it's the only thing i can hear. I'm going to try them tomorrow, i've had some sort of weird viral thing and my ears are really sore so i was nervous of putting them in while theyre still sore inside.

Cat - Yes i do think thats a contributing factor and creates a vicious circle. I think the mouth noises too, as he does it more if he notices me fidgeting about and tensing and licking their lips is something dogs do if they're unsure of something.

Iron - Wow. wow wow wow. HAve you considered reading the thread, not saying wow wow wow like some sort of stuck, moronic record, Or not being rude? Would you make these comments to someone with other mental health issues? Do you go around saying 'wow, wow wow wow' if you see someone behaving oddly in the street because of a MH condition?

FlockOfTwats Sat 08-Mar-14 01:14:45

Husky - Oh i do always offer him a drink, He has a drink in the morning, is offered but rarely takes one mid morning, and has one down all afternoon and night apart from between 5 and 6:30 when DS gets home from nursery.

If i tell him to stop begging and go lie down he does usually do it. He never did it until we moved here (open plan, he used to go in another room at meal times) and DS started throwing food at him and hiding food for him to get.

Lol my mums dog used to stare at me when i was pregnant :S She never did it any other time, only when i was pregnant. She'd just stand there staring for hours. and hours. and hours. Strange animal. I used to hide from her and her beady little eyes! I cried over it once (Hormones, i cried at anything not going my way) because i kept telling her to go sit down.

Topaz25 Sat 08-Mar-14 01:30:11

So your partner works 15 hours a day and he wants you to take on taking care of a giant breed dog alone as well as your DC? And he thinks your mental health problems are just stroppiness? I think there are bigger issues here than the dog.

beaglesaresweet Sat 08-Mar-14 01:57:01

that's why some people prefer cats! they don't demand attention on nearly 24/7 basis, like dogs do!

beaglesaresweet Sat 08-Mar-14 02:07:27

you could try hypnotherapy OP. My sensitivity is not extreme like yours, but it's very similar when I'm very tired or stressed. Hate loud kissing and loud eating noise also, on tv or in transport. yuk - I don't clench but it makes me a bit queasy. Nothing like as sensitive when I'm in a happy mood - maybe you are a bit depressed generally, or very stressed with life atm.

SelectAUserName Sat 08-Mar-14 04:01:05

I feel for you OP. I don't have misophonia and I love SelectASpaniel to bits but when he goes, I want a break from dogs.

I understand how you can be 100% committed to your current pet but not want to extend that commitment to a future, as yet unborn animal with all the extra responsibility that entails. SAS is a needy dog and while I love him and will give him all the care he needs for the next 5-6 years (in all probability; he's 9) I don't feel up to another 12-15 years of potential neediness after that.

I hope you get some good results from your CMHT referral.

Allergictoironing Sat 08-Mar-14 08:15:42

You could try the cost thing on your OH Flock? You mentioned looking into this yourself

As you say, they are expensive to feed Petplanet quotes over £15 a week to feed (I'd be guessing over £20 especially when they are young & really need specialised food), around a grand to buy, insurance is a must with their tendency to hip dysplasia, yearly vet visits recommended, they cost at least double for things like wormers & flea treatment.

In fact if as you suggest you need to be careful with money at present, that may be all you need to persuade OH, a full and honest cost estimate of a typical dog let alone a giant one smile

Poor you, it sounds very stressful.

I have a German friend who has this, he is "lärmempfinflich", it is hard. He goes and eats in almost empty restaurants, whenever he can.

Hell is other people (Sartre said that, didn't he?)...this could include dogs, I guess.

I have a dog, but don't know what you mean with mouth noises at all? Is it something slobbery sort of dogs do?

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