To refuse to attend a meal because it will keep DS up past his bedtime?

(112 Posts)

FIL invited me, DP, 3yo DS and 16 week old DD to dinner tonight, to meet his girlfriend's parents. Apparently, FIL says, his girlfriend (of 8 months) talks about them so much that they feel like they're part of their family, and would very much like to meet their daughter's 'adopted grandchildren' hmm They've picked out names they'd like our 3yo to call them by, so we're told. I find this very weird.

This meal is taking place at a shopping centre which is an hour and a half's train journey away (we don't drive) at 6pm. We asked to meet closer, given the time and the distance we'd have to travel on public transport with a small EBF baby and a tired, hungry toddler. We'd be back about 9-9.30pm, DS and DD are usually in bed by 7.30. It's just too far to travel so late.

He said no can do, we can't have the meal anywhere else because his girlfriend's parents are very particular about where they eat.

So we declined and aren't going.

FIL is enraged and had been messaging DP all day saying how very disappointed his girlfriend's parents are, they were so looking forward to seeing the children, and that they may as well cancel the whole thing now.

AIBU to not give a crap, really? And to think that it was a ridiculous idea?

Yama Fri 07-Mar-14 15:44:14

YANBU. He'll get over it. Tell him to grow up.

TheresLotsOfFarmyardAnimals Fri 07-Mar-14 15:45:17

YANBU. It is simply too late. YOu were willing to travel 90 minutes by train and that is compromise enough. They're not THAT bothered if they can't make it earlier or nearer to you.

Personally, I don't think 9.30 is unreasonably late. I also dont think it's a ridiculous idea, and 6 pm is pretty early for meals for most people.

But if you don't want to go, then you don't have to. Who else will be there?

Why dont you learn to drive?

HyvaPaiva Fri 07-Mar-14 15:45:54

YANBU. Dinner aside, they are all being far too intense!

Supercosy Fri 07-Mar-14 15:46:26

I don't blame you. He is not being in the slightest bit considerate about your kids, their routine or the fact that you have to make that bloody great treck for dinner in a shopping centre. I used to do anything to avoid taking Dd out late when she was that young.

schmalex Fri 07-Mar-14 15:47:34

YANBU. If they're so keen, why don't they meet you for lunch at the weekend?

ShatnersBassoon Fri 07-Mar-14 15:48:10

9.30pm isn't that late as a one-off, so YABU to use that as a reason not to go.

YANBU to not want to go though. Sounds pretty awful.

Bearfrills Fri 07-Mar-14 15:48:15


Fair enough if it was somewhere more local/easier to get to then I'd probably say YABU and going to bed a bit later just this once won't hurt them but in the circumstances I'd be giving it a miss. I don't drive either and I wouldn't go to a meal as you've described it.

Do they drive? If they do then why haven't they offered you a lift if they so desperately want you there?

formerbabe Fri 07-Mar-14 15:49:23

If you had a car then I would say you should go...but public transport when its late with a toddler and baby sounds like hell to me.

TinyTear Fri 07-Mar-14 15:49:29

what a stupid question Melanie. I can drive but don't own a car as I don't need it in London... I would not 'learn to drive' to go to a dinner with some inflexible people...

OP Can they do lunch in the same shopping centre tomorrow?

eurochick Fri 07-Mar-14 15:49:55

They can't be that particular about where they eat if they like eating in shopping centres.

I think YABabitU about your son's bedtime. It won't hurt as a one off. But YANBU to not go because they are being a bit odd and it's a long train ride away for you with 2 kids.

olympicsrock Fri 07-Mar-14 15:50:07

Of course 9 30 is too late for a toddler worse so using public transport getting cold and tired. Let alone with a young baby. You hardly know these people. It's a bonkers idea. Don't go.

WorraLiberty Fri 07-Mar-14 15:52:20

I can drive but don't own a car as I don't need it in London

Same here

It always makes me laugh when people who use public transport are asked why they don't learn to drive.

Yanbu, If I had to travel with young children for 90 mins each way, in any form of transport, to only have a meal, I would be declining also.

If the meal was to be closer and then a late night for the DCs wouldn't be a problem, but the travel alone will probably mean very very grumpy children.

AveryJessup Fri 07-Mar-14 15:53:36

YANBU. Sounds as though these people like the idea of your children more than the reality. My 2.5 year old would quite happily stay up until 9:30 but he'd make your life hell at the same time and be completely overtired and hyper! With a baby in tow as well and on public transport?

Totally ridiculous idea. If they want to see your children they should do the running, not you.

elliejjtiny Fri 07-Mar-14 15:54:15

YANBU and they sound really weird

Bearfrills Fri 07-Mar-14 15:54:39

Especially if the transport is anywhere like it is round here where it's frequently late/nonexistent.

5madthings Fri 07-Mar-14 15:55:15

Of I could drive I would go, a late night is fine but taking little ones on public transport at that time, not my idea of fun.

Tho saying that I have done it but when we have and a day put in London, so a late train back and it's two hour and they can sleep on trhe train.

If it was someone I REALLY liked and wnted to see I would do it.

Id suggest lunch at this place or havibg them to yours in the evening.

Puttheshelvesup Fri 07-Mar-14 15:56:08

YANBU, a long train journey with a tired toddler and tiny baby sounds like my idea of anxiety filled hell. Could you offer to have them over for lunch? Only if you want to, of course. Or perhaps FIL could host you all at his house. Maybe have a word about creepy names! I think you have to meet someone numerous times and earn each others' trust before deciding on familial names for dc to use.

Crinkle77 Fri 07-Mar-14 15:56:56

Your FIL is BU. You can't be expected to travel all that way just to meet your FIL's girlfriends parents for tea.

SJisontheway Fri 07-Mar-14 15:57:01

I'm not precious at all about occasional late night's, but a 90 minute journey on public transport with an over tired baby and toddler. No thanks. YANBU at all.

Fairylea Fri 07-Mar-14 15:57:01

Yanbu. We don't go anywhere that interferes with our dc when it comes to naps and sleeping as we're the ones who pay for it the next day. So tough.

They don't have young children. Why can't they be the ones doing the travelling etc?

Your fil is being daft.

feckitafeck Fri 07-Mar-14 15:57:20

I'd suggest a lunch. If it were the summer with good weather then it would be ok but not at this time of year when it is so dark and cold out.

HumphreyCobbler Fri 07-Mar-14 15:58:16

Deciding what the dc should call them without ever having met them?
Only being willing to eat in a shopping centre?
Won't change the time?

They sound fun hmm

No way would I take a toddler on public transport for ninety minutes past his bedtime.

ViviPru Fri 07-Mar-14 15:59:56


Sounds like you've had a lucky escape with this legitimate excuse not to attend what sounds like potentially weird situation anyway. I'd be squirmy at the thought of meeting these peculiar-sounding folk.

Evie2014 Fri 07-Mar-14 16:00:23

As I read your OP I actually said "oh f* off" out loud. (Meaning to your FIL's inlaws or whatever they are.)

(… and a smaller, similar expression for Melanie- why the f* should OP learn to drive if she doesn't want to? So she can accept thrilling invitations like this one? Or maybe she just doesn't have a car/can't afford a car/wants to spend her money otherwise?)

If they want to see you and your kids that badly let them come to your town and take you out for lunch. Perhaps they're older with time on their hands and might be up for that.

Public transport wrangling with tiny children so your FIL can impress people? Nonsense.


Sirzy Fri 07-Mar-14 16:01:09

The meal time wouldn't bother me, but the 3 hours travelling just for a meal with 2 young children would stop me going!

Sirzy Fri 07-Mar-14 16:01:10

The meal time wouldn't bother me, but the 3 hours travelling just for a meal with 2 young children would stop me going!

WitchWay Fri 07-Mar-14 16:01:14

Agree lunch would be much better then the toddler would most likely enjoy the travelling & not be overtired & grumpy. They seem very intense & more than a bit odd.

IWillOnlyEatBeans Fri 07-Mar-14 16:01:45


I wouldn't do it. If they are desperately keen to meet your DC then invite them to lunch somewhere near you (if you have a local shopping centre with the desired restaurant, of course ;) )

Florin Fri 07-Mar-14 16:06:22

No way would I take my toddler to a restaurant after his bedtime, that is a recipe for disaster. We are really flexible about our sons toddler and can work around most things apart from 6pm is his bedtime and that is that. He needs to go to bed then as he is tired. If we took him out later he would be appallingly behaved and I couldn't blame him for being so. However we go out for lunch very regularly which he enjoys and works so much better for everyone. The name thing is just plain weird if it was even suggested I would say lets just stick to first names.

higgle Fri 07-Mar-14 16:06:44

YANBU provided you have confirmed willingness t meet them and suggested some better times and dates.

Moreisnnogedag Fri 07-Mar-14 16:11:10

If you were in a car, then 930 ain't so ad. But public transport at that time of night for what is going to be a really weird meal? Nope.

They live overseas and are here on a visit, so this is our one chance to meet them, hence FIL being so annoyed. DP's a bit nonplussed as to why we're supposed to give a hoot about his girlfriend's parents, as keen as they sound. And a bit hmm about them giving themselves grandparenty-sounding nicknames.

We don't drive because we don't need to! Which is lucky because we probably couldn't afford it.

Moreisnnogedag Fri 07-Mar-14 16:13:41

Higgle why on earth should she? They sound weird (or FIL is being massively weird and over-egging it) and tbh I'd be starting to think of any excuses not to meet up "Sorry no can do, Taurus isn't in alignment" etc.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 07-Mar-14 16:14:16

The time wouldn't bother me, but I think that if your FIL wants to organise a meeting then he should do it at a time which is convenient to you.

The whole thing sounds a bit odd.

Out of interest, how old are your FIL and his girlfriend and therefore her parents?

FIL is in mid-forties (had DP very young), his girlfriend is the same age as DP. Her parents are mid-fifties.

Jolleigh Fri 07-Mar-14 16:16:30

Travelling 1.5 hours on public transport each way with a toddler and a newborn, simply for the 'pleasure' of a meal in a shopping centre with a pair of creepily over familiar strangers that will interfere with your children's routines? YANBU. Don't blame you. I wouldn't.

ThePinkOcelot Fri 07-Mar-14 16:20:52

I was going to say YABVU and precious about bedtime when I read yor title. On reading your thread however, I have changed my mind. 90 mins on public transport?! They're having a laugh! They should be making the effort to travel to you.

hoobypickypicky Fri 07-Mar-14 16:20:53

YANBU. Usually I'd say it was a bit precious to fuss about keeping a 3 child or baby up past his bedtime as a one-off but this is different. I can't see the appeal of taking an over-tired, hungry 3 year old to a shopping centre eatery on a winters evening any more than you can.

Also, what on earth are they gf's parents on, deciding on names for the child of their daughter's boyfriend's son to call them? The only appropriate names are akin to Mr Smith and Mrs Smith or George and Margery unless you, the parents, prefer your children to go down the route of old fashioned English custom and give adult friends of the family the courtesy titles of 'Auntie' and 'Uncle'.

hoobypickypicky Fri 07-Mar-14 16:26:18

*A 3 year old child, not a 3 child!

Bambamb Fri 07-Mar-14 16:32:13

YANBU. The public transport issue is the deal breaker. Plus I have a 15 week old DD who goes into meltdown mode from about 6pm onwards so just the meal at 6 could be hellish. Sounds like it would be v.stressful.

FunkyBoldRibena Fri 07-Mar-14 16:32:15

If you are important enough to be at a meal, then you should be consulted on when and where would be suitable to meet up. Not ordered to be there.

And they are his girlfriend's parents, in no way are they your kids' grandparents. Totally insane. And very grabby. And entitled.

Dishaster Fri 07-Mar-14 16:32:56

If the resteraunt was good I would go. But in a shopping centre? Erm no thanks. And to meet people who are what to you exactly? Nope yanbu.

BackforGood Fri 07-Mar-14 16:34:51

What Jolleigh said.
I was never precious about betimes, but seriously, if the purpose of a gathering is to meet a baby and a 3 yr old, then it really would make a lot more sense to arrange a lunchtime thing.

cory Fri 07-Mar-14 16:36:29

Me, I have done plenty of late evening travelling with babies and toddlers.

I still cannot for the life of me see why their need to eat in exactly the shopping centre of their choice should trump your need to avoid an evening journey with an overtired toddler. Why do they get to be so precious just because they don't have children?

Twooter Fri 07-Mar-14 16:36:47

Are you sure the grandparenty names aren't for your dp to call them?

Pollyputthekettle Fri 07-Mar-14 16:37:31

YANBU. Suggest a lunch.

AdventColander Fri 07-Mar-14 16:38:23

No I would decline too. Late night + restaurant + very young children + public transport = not a good combination.

Vintagecakeisstillnice Fri 07-Mar-14 16:40:54

No fricking way, and that's without the kids. . .

And the whole name thing is creepy.

FrimpongDench Fri 07-Mar-14 16:41:49

Twooter grin Yeah - surely your DP can go to meet his new granny and gramps without you and DC?

ArtexMonkey Fri 07-Mar-14 16:45:00

Yanbu at all.

Baby + toddler is a GRIND day to day, 7.30 bedtime isn't just bedtime, it's adult time, leisure time, and as such saved my sanity, and I know that I would only push it back for something really truly epic and awesome. So yanbu yanbu yanbu, even if you had a car, ywnbu, bunch of blimmin weirdos.

RiverTam Fri 07-Mar-14 16:45:40

why the hell would anyone, with DC or not, want to travel for 90 minutes to eat in a shopping centre? I don't mind the odd late night but not with such a long journey on public transport, and not to meet people who have absolutely nothing to do with you! (And names is weird. FIL's DP is just called by her actual name by DD - why not??)

TheKnightsThatSayNee Fri 07-Mar-14 16:46:00

Some kids would be fine some would be a nightmare. It's up to you. 1 1/2 by public transport with 2 young kids would be enough to put me off though.

OnlyLovers Fri 07-Mar-14 16:46:51

YANBU. Christ. Some people.

I find it hmm that they're so 'particular' about where they want to eat but their chosen venue is a restaurant in a shopping centre.

If they live overseas how do they know they only want to eat here?

sebsmummy1 Fri 07-Mar-14 16:49:07

The whole idea sounds totally ridiculous. Send your DP along with photos of the kids.

squoosh Fri 07-Mar-14 16:49:20

YANBU to not want to meet weird sounding strangers in a shopping centre eaterie.

allmycats Fri 07-Mar-14 16:50:25

Why not ask them all round to yours at a time convenient to you ?

PuppyMonkey Fri 07-Mar-14 16:51:41

Is it Spud U Like? The restaurant? That's what I'm imagining. grin

TalkinPeace Fri 07-Mar-14 16:53:35

Are there no eateries within walking distance of your house (as you clearly live in a big city) that they could travel to?
Or is Westfield ( wild guess ) really that enthralling?


OnlyLovers Fri 07-Mar-14 16:53:48

Me too, Puppy grin

Nanny0gg Fri 07-Mar-14 16:55:57

Do you actually know your FiL's GF that well?

( and a lunch would have been far more suitable)

BrianButterfield Fri 07-Mar-14 16:57:50

I have a 2.5 year old and a 12 week old. I am not especially precious about bedtime but DS goes to bed before 8 for a good reason - he's knackerer by then! Not a chance in hell I'd be getting on a train then - it would be horrible for all involved (he definitely wouldn't sleep eother). In fact going out at 4.30 for a 1.5hr train journey would be bad enough, that's the evil hour when they're both hard work!

squoosh Fri 07-Mar-14 16:58:15

Maybe they've booked a table in a Morrison's caff.

OddFodd Fri 07-Mar-14 16:58:41

Travelling 3 hours on public transport for any occasion is a bit much. Travelling on a Friday night when your kids are tired and there are drunken party people about is a nightmare. I wouldn't do it for my nearest and dearest and certainly not for a FIL's new girlfriend's parents

lynniep Fri 07-Mar-14 16:59:40

YANBU. No. And No again. I would not even consider it. I wouldn't do it even if we took the car. On holiday, or for a very special occasion I let mine stay up late. Otherwise no.

ProlificPenguin Fri 07-Mar-14 16:59:44

I wouldn't go but I wouldn't have cancelled at such notice, that will come across as a snub.

Can you suggest a nice lunch? Somewhere mutually more convienient for everyone?

It's not fair to try to keep children up later than they want to be.

KitKat1985 Fri 07-Mar-14 17:01:33

YANBU. If they are that keen to meet your kids then they should either: 1) Come nearer to you guys to eat of an evening rather than expect you to travel for 90 minutes in the dark on a train with a toddler and young baby, and be a bit more flexible on restaurant.
2) Meet at lunchtime at the weekend or similar, so it's not so disruptive.

And yes, they do also sound a bit weird.

I certainly wouldn't bother! x

ArtexMonkey Fri 07-Mar-14 17:03:28

grin at morrison's caff. Actually, it is very good value, kids eat free in the week you know <taps nose>

ArtexMonkey Fri 07-Mar-14 17:05:04

Weekday tea time, I should say.

NatashaBee Fri 07-Mar-14 17:05:09

YANBU. If they're so very keen to meet the kids then they should have found a child-appropriate time and place.

It sounds lie hell - but I would have to go, it all sounds so odd that the nosey cow in me couldn't miss it!

Dubjackeen Fri 07-Mar-14 17:09:34

YANBU, in the slightest. Am really wondering what special place they have chosen though, at a shopping centre...The name thing is very strange, why, just why!
Relax when the little ones are abed and have a wine

Yeah we know her quite well, FIL doesn't visit without her.

Not Westfield Talkin grin, we're actually in the sticks and this shopping centre is our nearest destination for fine restaurants such as Nando's and Pizza express. They're travelling the same distance as we would be, but in a nice warm car and half the travel time.

No chance to rearrange, they go back to the states next week!

YANBU, they sound very weird! And the travelling with a toddler and EBF baby? Nooooooooo thank you!!!

Hullygully Fri 07-Mar-14 17:14:37

I think it's marvellous.

Who wouldn't travel an hour and a half by train to eat with strangers in a shopping centre with young children...?

Dubjackeen Fri 07-Mar-14 17:14:56

Not Westfield Talkin , we're actually in the sticks and this shopping centre is our nearest destination for fine restaurants such as Nando's and Pizza express
What, not even Spud U Like or MacDonalds wink

TalkinPeace Fri 07-Mar-14 17:15:46

Hang on, they are YANKS and they are not willing to come to near you
to a "proper old English pub"
or to get "fish and chips" and eat it off the paper around your table "like quaint English people do"
they are not real Yanks then ( born and bred in NYC wink )

ShatterResistant Fri 07-Mar-14 17:19:46

I definitely wouldn't go, even if you did have a car. Youngsters after bedtime are no fun at all, IME. Why don't you invite them to have dinner at your house? Same time slot, but THEY do the travelling. If they refuse, you've done your bit, no-one can take offence (unless, of course, they're trying to...)

shewhowines Fri 07-Mar-14 17:20:39

Normally an occasional late night wouldn't be the end of the world. I do think they are expecting a lot in this instance though.

I wouldn't want to journey that distance, late at night, on public transport, with kids. Can't they come to you? It would be easier for you to prepare food. There must be something they like, that you could cook.

At the end of the day though, if it means that much to fil, and he hasn't got form for being unreasonable, then it might be worth doing it to keep the peace.

YoureAllABunchOfBastards Fri 07-Mar-14 17:25:36

The time would be OK as a one off. The travel is the killer, though - no way would I do that. If they are that keen, they could come closer to you.

Bloodyteenagers Fri 07-Mar-14 17:33:08

But come on op. What is the restaurant name?
The nickname they want to be called?

Lilly20again Fri 07-Mar-14 17:36:34

Yaubu, I avoided all meals that were too late or at none meal times.
My mil refused to move her Sunday lunch to a child friendly time. They eat at two and wouldn't move it to 12.30 when LO ate. You can't expect a toddler to wait or sit at a table for an hour after they have already eaten.

The solution was we never went to lunch. which was such a blessing really I wonder if she still thinks she won that particular power struggle hmm

No is perfectly fine, we don't expect people to bend over backwards for our PFB or anything, but small children are not fun, hungry or tired!

AngelaDaviesHair Fri 07-Mar-14 17:39:02

Sorry no can do, Taurus isn't in alignment

This has made me laugh.

And YA def def def NBU. Sounds to me as though the four of them are either (i) all desperately showing off to each other about their marvelous grandparenty-ness; or (ii) desperately sick of each other now the end of the visit is approaching and need the distraction.

Onepactupac Fri 07-Mar-14 17:39:49

Why not suggest lunch?

Bit random, but FIL's GF might end up being in your life forever! We have the same with my BIL's GF and her family, totally overbearing. My DH is of the view that he will only reciprocate if and when BIL and GF get married. I think it's no skin off our nose being nice to people - which is really all that they are being, ultimately. But there are boundaries, too.

MummyBeerest Fri 07-Mar-14 17:59:02


No effing way in hell. A ebf baby and a toddler on a bus, past bedtime?

Are you packing your cyanide?

I'm imagining these people to be like Ned and Maude Flanders.

Hiddley-ho, British bumbalinos!

Chippednailvarnish Fri 07-Mar-14 18:05:51

Maybe he's proposed and wants to make a grand statement by treating you all to a slap up wimpy to celebrate.

ChickyEgg Fri 07-Mar-14 18:11:34

It does sound really odd. Your FIL's girlfriend of less than a year talks about your DC so much that her parents want to meet them and have given themselves names to boot? Never mind the fact that they haven't considered you are travelling on public transport with two over tired children....

Nocomet Fri 07-Mar-14 18:17:57

Normally I'd say DCs are adaptable and parents shouldn't fuss, but well after bedtime on a train rather than asleep in their car seat sounds a nightmare unless you have very obliging DCs.

I might have got away with it, DD1 was very very good about night time adventures and DD2 would probably have fed the entire journey, but there is no guarantee of pleasant traveling companions on evening trains.

grin slap up wimpy.

I haven't been in a Wimpy since I was little! Their milkshakes were amazing.

Chippednailvarnish Fri 07-Mar-14 18:29:01

I've just been looking at the Wimpy website. I always wanted a brown Darby and wasn't allowed I was a fat kid

starfishmummy Fri 07-Mar-14 18:58:11

Fils GF's parents?? If they were his parents in law I might agree to a meet up but not with a round trip of three hours by public transport and two small children!!

HaroldLloyd Fri 07-Mar-14 19:03:16

I don't think 9.30 is that late as a one off, however I would not be clamouring to travel an hour and a half to eat in a shopping centre and back with a toddler on a train, add in the weirdyness and it's not really an attractive proposition. Why can't they meet you a bit closer?

HaroldLloyd Fri 07-Mar-14 19:04:23

If it was wimpy I would be in there like swimwear however.

So wrong it's right.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Fri 07-Mar-14 19:28:14

I agree this sounds nightmarish. However, when did FIL ask you to go and when did you refuse? If you have already accepted and changed your mind or refused last minute I can see why he's pissed off.

PumpkinPie2013 Fri 07-Mar-14 20:59:30


Travelling for that length of time, on public transport with a young baby and an overtired toddler when it's cold and dark? No thanks!

We agreed to meet up a couple of weeks ago when FIL and his girlfriend were visiting the children, heard no more about it until yesterday when he phoned to tell us what time we were to meet them there. Wouldn't budge on time or place, apparently they were busy today visiting DP's brother so couldn't do any earlier.

Might ring BIL's girlfriend to see if they were odd and overfamiliar in person too.

Sharaluck Fri 07-Mar-14 21:47:38


9.30pm is not especially late (and if you were travelling by car the dc could sleep in the car) but 1.5 hour trip home on the train is too much for a 3 year old late at night. And the 1.5 hour trip there would also be difficult with 2 young dc!

deakymom Fri 07-Mar-14 22:43:35

tired children on public transport is not a good mix i remember my overtired son screeching all the way home a 45 min bus ride and an hours walk away then he carried on in the house he was overtired to the max


i would never wish that experience on anyone

ViviPru Fri 07-Mar-14 22:49:46

Ooh yes dig around a bit with BIL and be sure to report back forthwith, some of us have vicarious lives to lead you know.

MusicalEndorphins Sat 08-Mar-14 06:01:17

KirjavaTheCat It is nice to see you didn't waste time fretting and just said no to this request.
Your FIL can just be a good boy and put his toys back in the crib.

Kiwiinkits Sat 08-Mar-14 06:55:34

Perhaps they suggested the restaurant as a misguided attempt not to "put you out". They couldn't exactly invite themselves to your place (thinking, with young kids to look after she'll want a break from cooking). Invite them to yours.

everlong Sat 08-Mar-14 07:05:02

DH could go?

TamerB Sat 08-Mar-14 07:06:08

Invite them over to your house at a later date.

differentnameforthis Sat 08-Mar-14 07:29:43

I don't think it is too late. I would make sure I was armed with snacks, if your ds doesn't eat while out, it's no great issue. He will love it, you can make it into a huge adventure for him.

FIL does sound a little intense though, being 'enraged' about it.

Chippednailvarnish Sat 08-Mar-14 09:09:16

3 hours on public transport with young DCs is not my idea if a huge adventure different

Sounds like a nightmare.

2rebecca Sat 08-Mar-14 09:19:47

I wouldn't go, the kids will just be tied and irritable. I'd say no if a close relative wanted to meet under 3s, let alone parents of a relatives girlfriend. I suspect the parents aren't that bothered if they are that inflexible and it's FIL wanting to show off.
If they really want you to come they arrange the meal around you. With small kids you do lunch not evening meals, and even with lunch i never did long lunches as they got bored and we got stressed. Leisurely meals aren't a small kid thing. meeting up in a park would have been better. Why do you have to arrange it round a meal?

2rebecca Sat 08-Mar-14 09:24:32

I agree FIL getting enraged makes him sound nuts. My dad gets enraged by very little, he sounds selfish not to be putting his grandchildren first. I suspect his girlfriends parents maybe aren't that impressed with her shacking up with an old bloke with grandchildren rather than finding someone of your husbands age and having her own family not trying to adopt yours.

Blondeshavemorefun Sat 08-Mar-14 09:38:52

6pm is early for adults to eat but late for a 3yr

Travelling 1.5hrs via train with 2 small children isn't fun - esp as during what would be a typical child's tea time and then after bedtime

But it is for one day

I would go. Give snacks /sandwich on train and not worry if don't eat their meal

Fil gf is obv 15/20yrs younger then him if your age

Maybe they will have children - maybe not and this is the only chance that the parents may be grandparents (tho step) and therefore want to meet your children - tho again at 8mths seems a tad ott - tho again if live abroad may not be over again for a while

Take a buggy and let 3yr fall asleep in it when ready

2rebecca Sat 08-Mar-14 11:16:07

I just can't imagine wanting to meet someone with a baby and toddler and expecting them to travel on a train for 1 1/2 hours to meet me for an evening meal and then go back in the cold dark evening with tired children. It does seem as though the OP and her kids haven't really been considered and just added on to a prearranged meeting.

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