to bath my children this infrequently?

(135 Posts)
terrificallytremendous Fri 28-Feb-14 14:06:15

Dp has two children who are aged 6 and 7. Their mum has said we cannot have them in school holidays because when we have them (for one night at a time at present) we don't bath them. She says dsd is at a 'tender age' and at home her 4 children have baths separately every single morning.

My children are 6 years and 20 months and they share a bath three times per week in winter, more in summer. Apart from the expense of water, I think every day is excessive as they just don't get that dirty in winter and see it as a waste of time to get up early to bath everyday. Aibu?

CinnabarRed Fri 28-Feb-14 14:08:30

I have 3 children aged 6, 3 and 2. They get bathed twice per week, plus a shower each after swimming.

In our case, it's mostly because they all have dry, sensitive skin which I see no need to irritate.

They do all get a good wipe down after supper, though!

kotinka Fri 28-Feb-14 14:09:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SeaSickSal Fri 28-Feb-14 14:09:52

YANBU, she's using this as an excuse. I would say this is more about control than real welfare concerns.

Orangesarenottheonlyfruit Fri 28-Feb-14 14:10:26

Sounds about right to me.
To be honest as long as they have clean clothes and don't whiff I think you can get away with once or twice a week. I am a skank though.

ToriaPumpkin Fri 28-Feb-14 14:10:56

We bath DS 2-3 times a week and he sometimes has a shower with DH on a Friday night as he loves the shower.

We were told by the GP and HV not to bath him every day as it makes his eczema worse and unless he's particularly dirty/has been swimming etc he really doesn't need a bath more often.


YoureBeingASillyBilly Fri 28-Feb-14 14:11:11

Mine are 4 and 8 and ds1 hasnt benn happy to share a bath with ds2 in about 2 years.

They get bathed 4/5 nights a week. Mondays and fridays are the two they dont get and sometimes saturdays.

Finola1step Fri 28-Feb-14 14:11:17

My d aged 6 and 3 have a bath every night as part of bed time routine. Apart from swimming days when ds has a shower just before tea.

But what you decide is up to you.

CoffeeTea103 Fri 28-Feb-14 14:11:37

Yabu at 6 they should be bathed everyday. This isn't a good reason though for her stopping contact.

LurkingNineToFive Fri 28-Feb-14 14:11:39

Dd has dry skin too so I try not to bath her unless she's dirty (usually 3 times a week). Bathing too much can be bad for them.

TheScience Fri 28-Feb-14 14:11:41

3 times a week is more than fine, but some people are funny about baths.

Can you compromise and shower them every day though? It doesn't sound like it's worth falling out over.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Fri 28-Feb-14 14:11:57

This sounds more about her than you.

deelite72 Fri 28-Feb-14 14:12:06

Oh my goodness UA-NOT!-BU. Just for emphasis. :-)
It's expensive and also it's not healthy to wash delicate young skin every single day. I wonder if I should admit this but I bath my kids twice a week. This will change when my son becomes interested in girls and not smelling like a goat's bottom half the time (boys get so stinky!). Obviously in the summer time, we up our game on the cleanliness since we're out and about more and the weather is warmer. Honestly, I wouldn't be able to find the time or energy to bath 4 kids every morning! But that's just me.

IdRatherPlayHereWithAllTheMadM Fri 28-Feb-14 14:13:00

I think washing babies every day is ridiculous and washing small children every single day in unnecessary. Mine have a wash every few days so about 3/4 times a week.

there is no need for a bath every day. I have skanky children too blush

IdRatherPlayHereWithAllTheMadM Fri 28-Feb-14 14:14:10

BTW I feel quite strongly about this having done JOhnson and Johnson focus groups, they are flogging their wares at mothers making them feel guulity if they are not washing baby every single day etc...

ginmakesitallok Fri 28-Feb-14 14:14:14

Dd2 has a bath most nights, she's 4 and will go and run one if we're not quick enough. Dd1 has probably 2 baths minimum a week, she doesn't seem to see the need....

IdRatherPlayHereWithAllTheMadM Fri 28-Feb-14 14:14:52

My DC are far from skanky.

They are not skany. its the big companies who make us feel like this dont buy into it!

BrianTheMole Fri 28-Feb-14 14:15:24

Mine share a bath twice a week, age 4 and 6. They have a wipe down in between. Anymore than that aggravates their skin.

terrificallytremendous Fri 28-Feb-14 14:15:57

Why should they be bathed every day at 6 coffee? None of the kids are smelly or sweaty.

I know it's the latest in a long line of excuses from her but it did get me wondering if I'm being grotty with my kids. She also insists to dsc that they get dressed in private and I got in trouble for letting my dd and hers get changed together at swimming. They thought nothing of it and I don't see why they should be encouraged to be conscious of their body at 6?

joven Fri 28-Feb-14 14:16:18

Hmm you do realise you are going to bring on the wrath of the clean freaks who insist you must shower every time you walk 10 metres because you might have microscopic sweat particles on you.

Abra1d Fri 28-Feb-14 14:16:18

I never bathed mine every single night when they were little. When they grew into pre-teens/teenagers they, of their own accord, started showering daily.

fatfingers Fri 28-Feb-14 14:16:55

YANBU. My dcs have sensitive/dry skin and frequent baths make this worse. Maybe they could jump in the shower at your house instead?

moogalicious Fri 28-Feb-14 14:17:00

at home her 4 children have baths separately every single morning

Really? How does she have the time?! The only one of mine who showers every day is dc1 who is nearly 12. The others have a bath every other day or so. In the evening.

BirthdayMuppet Fri 28-Feb-14 14:17:08

It's not about the baths it's about her control. Turn it round and reply gushingly "Of course we'll bathe them in the mornings, and night too if you'd like. Any products we can buy that you'd like them to use specially?" etc. See what her response is, bet you anything she'll stall and find something else to use against you.

Separately I agree with everyone else. Pre pubescent children don't need bathing every day unless they're physically dirty.

Vijac Fri 28-Feb-14 14:17:12

You aren't being unreasonable. Lots of people bathe everyday aspart of a routine, usually bedtime and everyone enjoys it. However, it is not necessary and as other posters have said can dry skin out. I doubt they get that dirty and even if they do surely getting a bit grimy is part of childhood. You have to be super clean for the rest of your life. You should recommend she reads Roald Dahl the witches! Good bit about bathing every day in that!

moogalicious Fri 28-Feb-14 14:17:27

And it's a shared bath.

Procrastreation Fri 28-Feb-14 14:18:08

You know that she's the weirdo - but your DH has to step up - it's not your battle.

impty Fri 28-Feb-14 14:19:28

I was bathed twice a week, as a child.Sunday night bath, Wednesday night bath. This was normal. I managed to make it to adult hood!

enjoy it now, when they are teenagers the will take 3 hour baths and 40 minute showers

harryhausen Fri 28-Feb-14 14:19:37

My two 9 and 6 have a bath once a week and a shower each (with soap etc) after swimming.

My dd had a chronic psoriasis episode aged 6. She was about 90% completely covered. We saw countless Derm nurses and consultants. It was then we were told to only bath once a week and use emollient as a soap. They said even water on its own is drying.

After that, we've never gone back, and ds just does the same. Obviously if they're proper dirty (mud, sand etc) then it's different.

BeCool Fri 28-Feb-14 14:19:40

I used to bath them daily. Now they have 2-3 baths in week and one on the weekend.

JadedAngel Fri 28-Feb-14 14:20:14

Having a wash every day is a necessity. Luxuriating in a bath to do so is not.

My two get a shallow bath three times a week. Together. Flannel, warm water and soap in between times.

Except this week, when we've had no oil, so none of us have had a bath or a shower since Sunday. And guess what? We don't smell of anything other than soap shock. Boiling a kettle and washing in the kitchen sink is adequate, for a while, would you believe...

This isn't about the baths OP, as others have said. Perhaps there's some other things that need talking about. Good luck x

YoureBeingASillyBilly Fri 28-Feb-14 14:20:31

My mum used to bath us every morning. It was a very quick scrub, not a long soak and playing so it can be done very quickly. My nana bathed all 9 of her dcs every morning shock but then she also tied the second youngest onto a chair with her dressing gown belt to give her free hands to wash the baby so 2nd youngest stayed clean!

terrificallytremendous Fri 28-Feb-14 14:23:20

Both dsc have eczema which I would've thought is a reason to reduce bathing rather than increase it?

Sightoabloodyscream Fri 28-Feb-14 14:23:40

2 and 4. Bathed twice a week and given flannel wash after breakfast/tea. Very jealous of how small child hair never seems to gett greasy. Is it hormones in adults?

I seem to remember Sunday nights being bath nights, growing up ~(apart from hot days in the summer), but I could be wrong.

WooWooOwl Fri 28-Feb-14 14:24:19

If it's the difference between your husband getting overnight contact with his children or not, why can't you just give them a bath?

JoinYourPlayfellows Fri 28-Feb-14 14:26:33

Sounds fine to me.

We do baths pretty much every evening. They all go in together but often in shift iyswim.

This is more than I would have expected before I had children, but it's just a habit we got into and I find small children's bottom wiping often leaves a bit to be desired, so a bath can be nice.

But it is NOT grotty to have 3 baths a week, that's plenty.

terrificallytremendous Fri 28-Feb-14 14:28:50

He has overnight contact woo, this is being used to stop holiday contact. Before this contact was reduced because we took them swimming in winter when she'd told dp not to. Before that it was reduced because we took them ice skating and she was upset because she missed their first time at it. It's one thing after another. He's an equal parent and should be able to make his own decisions.

jamtoast12 Fri 28-Feb-14 14:30:09

I bath mine twice a week but they get showers most days (hair washed 3x week). Tbh my dd8 does need a bath everyday. She's not in puberty or anything but I do find she needs to have a good wash down below properly everyday and its easy enough to shower her.

harriet247 Fri 28-Feb-14 14:30:35

If he wanted to see them surely it wouldnt be so traumatic to promise to bath them every morning?
Mine have one everyday, part of the bedtime routine but just water and shampoo twice a week

MoominsYonisAreScary Fri 28-Feb-14 14:31:08

The younger 2 have baths daily because they wipe food in their hair, miss the toiket and dribble on themselves and because they like too.

19 year old also has one daily and 11 year old is every other day.

Goldmandra Fri 28-Feb-14 14:31:52

Both dsc have eczema which I would've thought is a reason to reduce bathing rather than increase it?

That depends on what irritates their skin.

My DDs reacted badly to their own bodily fluids and had to be bathed daily to remove sweat, saliva, urine, etc which, if left, would cause their eczema to flare up badly. Other children are better not washed too often because it dries out their skin.

Why not just ask how how often she would like them bathed and agree to do your best to incorporate it into your routine? You need to try to work together for the benefit of your DSCs and that means everyone compromising to some extent.

terrificallytremendous Fri 28-Feb-14 14:32:36

Dsd has long hair so if she has a shower (where hair must be washed according to mum) she also has to have her hair blow dried before we can go out, so it is time consuming.

JoinYourPlayfellows Fri 28-Feb-14 14:34:08

If he wanted to see them surely it wouldnt be so traumatic to promise to bath them every morning?

The problem with giving in to unreasonable demands, is that you encourage further and even more unreasonable demands.

These children have a right to see their Dad and for their bathing schedule to be determined by him while they are there.

Her request is ridiculous - not only a bath every day, but the time of day and the number of people allowed in the bath.

She's not in controls when they're with their Dad and she needs to get used to that idea.

terrificallytremendous Fri 28-Feb-14 14:38:06

Thank you Join, that was precisely the point I was trying to make! The more he gives in to demands, the more unreasonable ones she makes so there has to be a point where he can make decisions without being dictated to.

Summerblaze Fri 28-Feb-14 14:39:38

Yep, 2 nights here with DC's 9, 6 and 1 on a regular basis.

If they have done something particularly dirty, been to a farm, swimming etc then they will have a quick one after that.

I am a germaphobe too but even I think that washing everyday is excessive.

Hey, maybe I'm not as bad as I thought.

ElenorRigby Fri 28-Feb-14 14:42:37

at home her 4 children have baths separately every single morning

A separate bath for 4 each morning???
What a load crap!

This about control not baths.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Fri 28-Feb-14 14:43:56

YANBU but I think you know it's not about the bath (so DD must wash her hair if in the shower but not the bath - huh? Two 6 year old girls can't change together - huh? What does she think happens at school?)

Goldmandra Fri 28-Feb-14 14:44:56

*she also has to have her hair blow dried before we can go out*|

OK. Fair enough. She is being ridiculous so, unless not bathing makes your DSD's eczema flare up, your DH just needs to tell her he'll parent them appropriately and she needs to butt out.

Why does she think she can deny him overnight access beyond one night? Has he sent her a written proposal outlining dates when he'd like to have them? If not perhaps now is the time to do so.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Fri 28-Feb-14 14:47:12

Is contact mutually agreed or has there been a court order?

aworkingmummy Fri 28-Feb-14 15:06:20

Mine has a bath pretty much every night, but that's more down to the fact that it's part of his bedtime routine then actually needing a bath. Oh and he loves the water and will ask to go for a bath if we don't mention bathtime by about 7pm. Otherwise it'd be 3/4 times a week tops.

IdRatherPlayHereWithAllTheMadM Fri 28-Feb-14 15:56:36

The problem with giving in to unreasonable demands, is that you encourage further and even more unreasonable demands

not only is it un reasonable demands its also verging on OCD behaviour, meaning even more important he stands firm.

lynniep Fri 28-Feb-14 16:13:14

I agree with others OP. Thats an unreasonable request from their mum. Theres nothing wrong with what she does (apart from wasting an awful lot of water) but theres nothing wrong with what you do either.

My DS2 (4) has a bath every night, because he loves it, not because he needs it. If I offer just a wash, all hell breaks loose.
DS1 (6) is less keen and tends to have a quick shower instead. I'd let him go with just a wash every other day TBH , but DH is a clean freak so prefers him to shower.

NeedsAsockamnesty Fri 28-Feb-14 16:22:06

As long as you have a good wash every day then a bath is never actually essential yes they are nice and all that but a good wash is perfectly adequate.

I know a family who don't have a bath or shower in their house and haven't for about 8 months (building works) they have a wash twice a day and they are perfectly hygienic.

Either way, he has just as much right as her to decide how many baths they have and more rights to decide when they are in his care.

Tailtwister Fri 28-Feb-14 16:24:58

We bath our two each evening (together) and they are 6 and 3. They probably don't need it, but its part of their routine and they enjoy it. I don't see any particular need for young children to bath daily though. Back in my day once a week wasn't unusual!

Koothrapanties Fri 28-Feb-14 16:25:44

I bath baby dd every day because she has masses of hair that gets greasy really quickly. Within 24 hrs she looks like a neglected filthy child if not. If that wasn't the case I would probably bath her every other day.

morethanpotatoprints Fri 28-Feb-14 16:29:02

I agree, this is about control.
Tell her you'll bath every morning, get whatever they need etc.
If she does stall, make other excuses, tell her you'll see her in court.
They'll be such a reverse

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Fri 28-Feb-14 16:36:38

Yanbu. Once or twice a week in winter is fine, imo unless they are covered in mess, mud, food, vomit or whatever else. You should wash sun cream off before bed each time you use it though so should bath accordingly in summer.

RiverTam Fri 28-Feb-14 16:37:32

to be honest, it sounds like she has real issues with regards to bodies - insisting that two 6-year-old girls can't share a changing room?

DD has a bath every evening and in fact I think she shouldn't but it's part of her bedtime routine and she (and DH) like it, they have a lot of fun at bathtime (I find it a drag after a long day!), but she certainly doesn't need it.

IdRatherPlayHereWithAllTheMadM Fri 28-Feb-14 16:44:31

I thought hair grease comes from hormones?

AnnabelleLee Fri 28-Feb-14 16:48:27

you need court ordered contact,shes a control freak. Get him to sort it out properly.

VeryStressedMum Fri 28-Feb-14 17:03:33

She doesn't bath all 4 children separately every morning and blow dry hair, does she get up at 5am to do this...
My dds are teenagers now and shower very often because otherwise their hair gets very greasy and they will smell. But before they reached a certain age they didn't get bathed every day.
Ds is nearly 7 and he gets a bath/shower 2-3 times a week he has eczema and too much bathing makes his skin bad.
In fact he hardly ever even got his hair washed with shampoo because even in the shower it would react badly with his skin. He doesn't smell.

DescribeTheRuckus Fri 28-Feb-14 17:15:23

Another non bather here...mine are also 6 and 7, and they shower separately on Sundays and Wednesdays. Very occassionally more often...DS (7) is an early riser, so he will get up and hop in the shower on his own every now and then.

And the tender age thing made me chuckle...ours shower separately, but neither of them seems to believe in privacy!

I've seen some people on this thread say 'of course you don't need to bath more than three times a week as a good flannel wash at the sink every day is adequate' and then other people saying 'mine are only bathed two or three times a week'. For the ones who only bath two or three times a week, are you doing the standing up flannel wash every day as well, or do you mean that between baths, your children's bodies aren't washed (other than faces wiped if food caked on etc)?

VeryStressedMum Fri 28-Feb-14 19:07:54

I wash bums in between baths. Not whole bodies, if they needed bodies washed they'd go into the bath/shower. If ds got mud on kegs from playing he'd have a bath I wouldn't just wash his legs.

TheScience Fri 28-Feb-14 19:10:14

Flannel on face x2 a day, hands washed several times, bottom wet wiped at least once.

lljkk Fri 28-Feb-14 19:20:10

I have no idea & I don't care.

RedFocus Fri 28-Feb-14 19:20:21

My kids have a bath on Sundays and after swimming and/or PE. So probably 2 to 3 baths a week each and they think that is far too much. wink

Waltonswatcher1 Fri 28-Feb-14 19:35:56

A friend baths her daily, they suffer with eczema but she refuses to alter the 'routine'.
My toddler has a bath every 5 days usually . The teenagers bath according to need .I won't allow daily just for the hell of it .
Bathing and using towels daily uses far to much energy and water, it becomes a habit .
I however do shower daily-but unlike my teenagers I leap in and out quickly . I wash my hair every other .
I am flipping shocked though at the cheek of some separated parents, dictating what the kids do during visits . That's nice for the children isn't it ...

JupiterGentlefly Fri 28-Feb-14 19:47:35

Off to suggest my two jump in the shower blush

CromeYellow Fri 28-Feb-14 19:50:56

There's no way I would have shared a bath at seven and remember my niece becoming self concious and wanting privacy at that age. She is absolutely right to insist on her daughters right to bodily privacy. Sharing bathwater with other peoples dirt in it is disgusting too.

What's wrong with a quick bath in the morning? Fill it an inch if you don't want to waste water or let her have a shower.

SpagBolgs Fri 28-Feb-14 20:00:16

She right, that is disgusting, DTD bathe the least in our house and they bath every other day my other DC,DP and I shower everyday. This is making my skin feel itchy!

Waltonswatcher1 Fri 28-Feb-14 20:00:43

My 11year old lives bathing with my 2year old.
Cromeyellow not everyone can afford the hot water on that much .

NigellasDealer Fri 28-Feb-14 20:01:49

sounds fine to me, she is using it an excuse.

Hedgehog80 Fri 28-Feb-14 20:38:35

Dd1 has a bath every day, ds1 hates baths and has one every other day. Dd2 (4) has to have one every day as she absolutely stinks sad and gets sore if she doesn't have a bath and ds2 has a bath most nights as he manages to get dirty from just eating dinner!

LimitedEditionLady Fri 28-Feb-14 20:40:43

We bath ds whos three every other night.I dont know if that is excessive but he likes playing in the bath with water toys so really likes bath time.I think yanbu to be annoyed though if you have the child for one night and dont bath her its not horrendous.Surely she has a wash so whats the problem?

terrificallytremendous Fri 28-Feb-14 22:18:19

It is court ordered but up for review in may. We have a 3night break booked for April and judge said to agree dates for holiday contact between them but she won't agree because of the baths. If we promised to bath them it'd be something else. It's just bloody annoying as they'll miss out even though she originally told them they were coming and we and our dc are looking forward to them coming, we've paid for them etc.

littledrummergirl Fri 28-Feb-14 22:26:19

I make sure dd(9) has a bath every Sunday. She jumps in when she feels like it other than that.
Ds1(13) showers every morning before schook and after exercise otherwise he stinks.
Ds2 (12) showers every morning and after exercise to get in the habit.
Dd will shower every day when she gets to secondary school.

lookingfoxy Fri 28-Feb-14 22:29:27

Dd 8mnth bathed 2 or 3 times a week, Ds 9, will jump in bath after its topped up after her, then followed by me!!
On other nights ds will have a shower if hes been at a club as hes usually running around and sweaty. Otherwise he would be the 2/3 times a week.

SergeantJarhead Fri 28-Feb-14 22:29:48

YANBU Op. My Son (11 months, almost a year, woo!) is only bathed a maximum of three times a week and then he has to be washed carefully with uber gentle soap and only a little amount due to very sensitive skin which tends to go red and become quite painful.

My sister prides herself on bathing her kids every night as anyone who doesn't do this is scum hmm

Do whatever suits you Op.

namechangejustforthisone Fri 28-Feb-14 22:37:00

My three have a bath every singe day, and wash their hair! However, most of my friends don't do this and some only wash their hair once a week. Their children aren't smelly!

namechangejustforthisone Fri 28-Feb-14 22:43:02

single, that is

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers Fri 28-Feb-14 22:48:02

Am I right in thinking that her 6 yo DD and yours have the same father? If you fell pregnant very shortly after she did then perhaps she has massive ill feeling towards you?
Agree YANBU.

Nocomet Fri 28-Feb-14 22:49:20

Twice a week and swimming lesson shower is quite enough.

I don't think my teens DDs shower more than 3 times a week. I don't bother keeping track beyond reminding them to shower and do HW if they are busy later in the week.

Mumoftwoyoungkids Fri 28-Feb-14 23:13:24

Dd (nearly 4) is bathed twice a week. Plus wet wipe on bum on non bath days. She has eczema of the "super dry skin" variety and this is what the doctor advised. She is naturally very clean though.

Ds (9 months) is bathed 3 times a week plus lots of wiping with wet wipes. So far he shows no signs of eczema but dd was this sort of age when hers started (and it is very strong in my family) so I suspect he will get it.

ginbin54 Sat 01-Mar-14 09:09:33

CoffeeTea "6 year olds should be bathed each day".


Fusedog Sat 01-Mar-14 09:15:31

My friends mate has a 9 yearly boy and 11 year old girl and she makes them share a bath I think this is totally innaproprate

AuditAngel Sat 01-Mar-14 09:35:35

I have 3 DC, DS 9, DD1 6 (7 next month) and DD2 3.

Thy are bathed on a needs basis. DD1 is very sporty and active and so gets sweaty with greasy hair whilst DS is quite sedentary and so needs to shower less frequently.

I don't like DD2 in the bathroom by herself so will either ask DD1 to go in with her or ask DS to supervise if I'm busy, but last week when I asked him to supervise he shrugged and said he'd get in since he'd be there anyway.

DH thinks they should be bathed every other day including shampooing their hair twice, however, since he doesn't see the need for this to be done by him it doesn't happen wink

icanmakeyouicecream Sat 01-Mar-14 09:38:44

I don't think you're being unreasonable.

For us though, the kids have always been bathed/showered everyday in the evening. Part of the routine more than anything but I do find they get grubby. It's nice going to bed feeling all squeaky clean isn't it!

OneUp Sat 01-Mar-14 09:43:50

I must be really dirty then. My 2 year old gets bathed once a week when she looks dirty and I just wipe her hands and face otherwise.

Booboostoo Sat 01-Mar-14 09:52:30

The ex is being very unreasonable to withdraw contact over this. If it was just one thing you could decide to give into her to keep the peace, but given her form it sounds like she is just looking for excuses to vent.

My 3 year old has a bath every night and really enjoys it but I don't think it's the end of the world if she doesn't have one. I have eczema which reacts to my own bodily secretions and if I don't shower at least once a day I go bonkers!

SookyLaLa Sat 01-Mar-14 09:57:11

It's up to you as the parent what works. We found bathing DD every night worked really well for her bed time routine as we were often in different places, it just meant regardless of where we were, she knew it was bed time. She is 3 now and has a shower every night, she likes it and it works for us.

eeetheygrowupsofast Sat 01-Mar-14 10:04:43

Ours have a bath every day except Fridays as we just can't be arsed and want to guzzle wine (my dh and I - not the kids!) and flop. Three times a week is fine though I reckon.

I would be interested in knowing the Mothers childhood.

I was allowed a bath twice a week and similar for my hair, even though at times I could of done with washing it daily.

I went to school with a very clean year group and stood out because of my lack of hygiene. It was also a very Catholic area and on a Sunday all the little girls were dressed and hair done for Church. I played out with my hair au natural.

My Mother laughed off any suggestion that I needed to be cleaner. She wasn't house proud, either.

As soon as I left home it was at least daily baths.

None of my children had skin conditions and liked water play, so it was daily baths for them as well.

I think at 7, if a child wants to wash more than their parent does, then they should be allowed to, so it depends on what the DSDs want.

I know scruffy, or less hygienic people, who have no awareness of how they differ from others, or don't care, which is fine for an adult to decide, but children should have some autonomy around being clean.

NeedsAsockamnesty Sat 01-Mar-14 14:28:15

My friends mate has a 9 yearly boy and 11 year old girl and she makes them share a bath I think this is totally innaproprate

Nothing at all wrong with doing that as long as both children are comfortable with it.

Ericaequites Sat 01-Mar-14 14:31:50

Even young children need a bath or shower every day to lean good health habits. Clean shirts and underwear daily are also important.

balia Sat 01-Mar-14 14:40:35

On the baths issue, my DS who has eczema has a bath or a shower every day as his skin gets worse if he doesn't, and we always put DSS in the bath/shower when he is with us as his mum doesn't believe in washing (long story). Whilst I don't disagree that it is OK bathing little ones less, it does get them into the habit for teenage years, and as someone who spends quite a bit of time with teenagers, some of them really pong!

However, I agree with posters who say this is not about baths at all, but about control and limiting contact. DSS's mum was just the same. However, it is hard to prove and you might be better just agreeing to the demands for the time being. If she's anything like DSS's mum, she will soon show her true colours and start demanding totally unreasonable things that will make her true motives obvious to the court.

Mumof3xx Sat 01-Mar-14 14:43:18

My three Are 6,4 and 10 months

They all get bathed every other day occasionally every other other day.

Baby sometimes more often if she poos everywhere or cakes herself in food which is beyond any cleaning apart from a bath!

Older two still share a bath, because they want too

MsColour Sat 01-Mar-14 14:49:09

The court will have no sympathy for her over the baths issue. But if it's up for review in May, why not just agree for now so you don't miss out on time in the Easter holidays. Then get some legal advice, make sure this is mentioned in the statement as she has no right to dictate what you do in your home.

Oldraver Sat 01-Mar-14 14:56:28

I couldn't say how often DS has a bath as it varies, and it really doesn't matter.

The Mum doe snot get to dictate to you when the DC's bathe, if you were sending them back skanky she may have a point. Likewise with the hair, you van decide for yourself if it needs washing

treas Sat 01-Mar-14 15:17:08

Dsd may very well be at that 'tender age' but she is also at the age for tender skin - too much bathing is not good for the skin and can cause soreness / eczema type rashes.

Also children need some exposure to germs to build up their immunity so they are not 'tender'.

Your Dp's ex is taking the proverbial

sleepylittlebunnies Sat 01-Mar-14 15:35:49

DD1 age 4 has severe eczema and the dermatologist advised daily baths of 10-20 minutes with her emulsifers, it is all written in her eczema plan. Her hair needs washing daily also due to ointment getting into it and making it greasy. We bath her in the evening as mornings are too busy. DD2 age almost 2 gets in with her most nights and DS age 6 likes to bath on his own afterwards but not every night. On the odd night we miss DD1's bath her eczema does flare up.

Before getting eczema age 2 we did baths 2-3 times a week. When I was growing up most of my friends had a bath on a sunday and a strip wash other days. EXW may be controlling but I would have to insist that my DD1 have a bath daily if she was staying elsewhere.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Sat 01-Mar-14 15:55:33

DS's dermatologist also said to bath him daily when he was first diagnosed. We tend to do every other day now.

LimitedEditionLady Sat 01-Mar-14 17:25:53

Tbh his ex is really clutching at straws.Id just do it though to keep the peace.Just nod and smile grin

jellybeans Sat 01-Mar-14 18:12:50

YANBU I must be a skank too as only ever bathed mine twice a week (shower in between at swimming). Two have eczema so didn't want to dry them out. No need for daily you can just have a wash. How would they survive camping or on school or cub trips? Or if there was a water shortage or no electric and gas?

Jackthebodiless Sat 01-Mar-14 19:04:02

Bath every other night here, till around puberty, then shower every day.

TattyDevine Sat 01-Mar-14 19:30:09

We bath every 2nd night, unless "dirty". There are certain times of year it is necessary (sunscreen/dirt from playing etc) and there are certain ages (babies with reflux and cheesy neck/early weaning if they squash bananas into their hair etc) but other that that I have not found it necessary, even as part of a "wind down routine" though I can see why some find this useful.

Until they are sweating/secreting hormones/burning off alcoholic binges etc and other things grown ups do, they are unlikely to smell if they have good bum hygiene and wash their hands regularly, have a face wipe and teeth before bed, etc etc. There would be exceptions, but that's the way I see it.

Ds is nearly 8 and gets bathed when he needs it. He won't shower; screams blue murder, so it's always a flippin' bath! He still wets the bed a lot, so tends to have a bath in a morning when he's woken up wet. In the summer, it's most days as he's of the sweaty variety. I don't wash his hair every time though; that's done a couple of times a week, or when a spritz with a water spray and a comb doesn't make it look tidy! He knows I shower every day though, and is aware as he gets older, he'll get stinkier and will need to shower or bath every day.

nouvellevag Sat 01-Mar-14 19:39:17

Gosh - I'm fairly sure my mum used to bathe us once a week when we were small. DD goes in the bath twice a week with a shower in between at swimming and face washed every morning. When bath day comes around her head has stopped smelling of shampoo and started smelling of hair, but it's not a rank, dirty smell, just human. Pre-pubescent kids just don't get that whiffy. And bloody hell, I only shower my own smelly adult self every other day, with a flannel wash in between.

Waltonswatcher1 Sat 01-Mar-14 23:25:38

We had no hot water available in my childhood home , we used to wash every morning in the water from our previous nights hotties - the hotties were the stone ones usually . My mum was a bit of a hippy . I am only 40 so not that long ago . I bet we stank.

We do ours 2-3 times a week, DD8 showers and younger two bath.

ouryve Sat 01-Mar-14 23:41:02

Mine bathe most days, but we're quite happy to miss days if they're not filthy. They've finally reached a point when I don't need to wash their dinner out of their hair every day. Most days, their baths are just a sit in some warm water with shower gel on the smelly bits only.

ouryve Sat 01-Mar-14 23:42:26

And they bathe separately, or else they fight, but in the same water. If it hasn't turned into soup, DH tops it up, to freshen himself up, then rinses off with the shower hose.

splasheeny Sun 02-Mar-14 01:23:31

Daily baths are best for eczema, there is evidence to support this.

I remember a weekly wash growing up, I guess that makes my parents pretty skanky!

katese11 Sun 02-Mar-14 07:34:29

I bath mine every day (1.5 and 4.5) but only because it uses up half an hour or so between dinner and bed! There's no way I'd try and do it in the morning shock

Babieseverywhere Sun 02-Mar-14 07:52:36

I wonder if your DH agreed to the baths and asked ex wife to email her guidelines on any other issues, so he is clear on things. It might focus her mind on what she really needs to control and things she can let drop.

If course if she writes four pages of ranty rules, that is something to address with the court and maybe repost on here, lol.

Daily baths with emollient are usually recommended by dermatologists for severe eczema because it reduces the risk of infection. Ds1 has always had a daily bath (first for severe eczema & wet wrapping - now for routine). The younger 2 used to have daily baths as part of bedtime rout

Routine - now they have one about 3 times a week, although I think ds2 needs to up his a bit soon.

They shared a bath until ds2 was about age 11

All 3 used to go in together until it got a bit cramped

wingsandstrings Mon 03-Mar-14 14:04:01

My DS (age 6) has a bath every other day - it used to be every 3 days but I notice he is more whiffy than he used to be! My DD (age 3) also has a bath every other day, only because she has very curly hair which can only be brushed when wet and if it's left more than 48 hrs without being brushed it gets horribly tangly. It's bad for skin to be over-washed.

Davsmum Mon 03-Mar-14 14:07:26

We had a bath once a week when we were little, unless we had got really grubby playing out. It was just a face and hands wash every morning and evening.
Mind you - a daily bath routine is good for winding down and getting ready for bed.

SecretWitch Mon 03-Mar-14 14:15:53

My six year old has a bath every other day in the winter and sometimes daily in the summer. She gets wiped down with warm flannel before bed on non bath days. As long as clothes are fresh and body reasonably clean, I have no problem with bathing children 2 to 3x weekly.

justanuthermanicmumsday Mon 03-Mar-14 14:21:30

I get my kids up at 6am they have lessons in the morning for 1.5hours then get ready & breakfast.

I'd have to get up at 4.30am to have 2 of them ready for 6am lesson, then pop the other two in, get breakfast for all by 7.30. it's too much.

I have four kids too 7,6,3, and 22 months I find it difficult to believe she bathes them in the morning everyday. Had she said evening I'm sure she could. My kids get bathed every other day.

When they were wee babies I'd bathe them everyday ,i found it helped with sleeping, and eczema since emollients absorbed more easily when skin was damp.but it was in out didn't take long.

Now if each kid get 20 mins each for a wash, moisturising, &dressing that's almost 2 hours for quick bath. If they want to play a bit even longer.if this woman is bathing them in the morning she's superwoman, and I thought I was superwoman already.

What lessons do they have at 6am??

NeedsAsockamnesty Mon 03-Mar-14 14:52:15

One of my kids has horse riding lessons at 6:15am

NigellasDealer Mon 03-Mar-14 15:00:04

at 6.15??
blimey that is dedication!
will we be seeing him/her at Badminton in a few years?

NeedsAsockamnesty Mon 03-Mar-14 15:02:46

Dc likes to think so,I don't get it myself I'm petrified of the creatures. Thank Christ I don't have to ferry them about now.

NigellasDealer Mon 03-Mar-14 15:04:22

well i am impressed by that level of commitment!

Gawd -I'm used to the idea of squad swimmers getting up at the time. I horse ride at 10am- that's early enough for me grin

BumPotato Mon 03-Mar-14 16:13:19

I've only ever bathed my kids once a week. They get showers after swimming and if they did get dirty otherwise they'd get a shower as and when.

Xalla Mon 03-Mar-14 17:00:32


I do bath mine pretty much every day but that's because they love it and it's part of their bedtime routine.

They share a bath - all of them - DSD8 DS5, DD3 and baby. They would be very upset if we insisted they didn't. We have a big bath and they have a whale of a time in it.

If and when DSD decides she doesn't want to share, that will be fine.

Your DH's ex is BU. He needs to deal with it.

Snatchoo Mon 03-Mar-14 17:02:30


Two five year olds and a 2 year old here. Bath Sundays and Wednesdays unless they really need it before then!

Snatchoo Mon 03-Mar-14 17:03:10

Oh, and they share unless we want to be quick then it's one at a time which is quicker even with three of them

missymayhemsmum Mon 03-Mar-14 22:52:52

Erm, just a thought, is 'daughter is at a delicate age' code for 'daughter's bottom wiping is a bit erratic and she's apt to get a sore fanjo if not bathed/ washed daily'? Which may not be a conversation DH's ex is comfortable having with you?

apocketfulofposy Mon 03-Mar-14 23:06:17

mine have one once a week,all 4 in together,if they get dirty then they get one otherwise just once a week,they have lovely shiny hair and soft skin,the baby baths in with me once a week.

this is because A.they dont need them every day

and too lazy to do it more,its too much hassle tbqh.

honeybunny14 Mon 03-Mar-14 23:12:15

My 2 get bathed every night apart from a saterday night theres no right or wrong amount unless the children were dirty.

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