to take the DCs to legoland for a weekend away whilst DH goes on yet another stag weekend?

(83 Posts)
chillidoritos Fri 28-Feb-14 13:59:50

DH is going on a stag weekend abroad in April. He goes on lots of stag weekends and lads' weekends away whilst I'm left looking after the DC. In the summer he plays cricket every Saturday and sometimes on a Sunday too, and again I look after the DC.

I'm sick of it all quite frankly and have decided that this year I am going to do nice things with the kids whilst he's off doing his own thing. In the past we've always done all the nice stuff on weekends when he's not doing anything.

So I've decided that when he's on the stag weekend I'm going to take the DC to Lego land and stay in a hotel with them for the weekend, and really have some fun.

DH is not happy as he wants to come and says I'm being selfish by taking them there without him.

AIBU?

kelda Fri 28-Feb-14 14:00:43

Sounds like a great idea. Go for it.

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi Fri 28-Feb-14 14:01:24

YANBU

And I'm sorry but he is behaving like a complete twat if he thinks you're the one being selfish

Babyturnip Fri 28-Feb-14 14:02:07

Sounds lovely hope you all have a great time smile

itiswhatitiswhatitis Fri 28-Feb-14 14:02:12

Nope that sounds perfectly fair to me. Why should you sit around and wait to do nice things whilst he's on his jolly's?

Tell him until he's less shellfish with his free time this is the way it is.

NewNameWanted Fri 28-Feb-14 14:02:25

If you have previously told DH that you are getting fed-up of his gallivanting and he has done nothing to curb it, then go for it!

If he has no idea that you are sick of it then I can understand that he may be confused.

sooperdooper Fri 28-Feb-14 14:02:27

Yanbu, can't understand why you've not always done this!!

itiswhatitiswhatitis Fri 28-Feb-14 14:02:29

Selfish not shellfish stupid ipad

ZenGardener Fri 28-Feb-14 14:02:47

Great idea!! My Dh is working Saturdays in March so we are going adventuring too. What does he expect you to do? Sit at home?

chillidoritos Fri 28-Feb-14 14:03:44

Yes I think he expects me to sit at home whilst he's away. Also he's peeved because he has to arrange for his dogs to go into a kennel whilst I go away as obviously I won't be at home to look after them.

He's acting like a spoilt brat. Ignore. You are NOT being unreasonable.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Fri 28-Feb-14 14:03:46

YANBU if he wanted to take the kids to LEGOLAND then why didn't he?

If he wants to do nice stuff as a family then make him organise half of it and if he won't then carry on doing stuff when he's away.

TheScience Fri 28-Feb-14 14:04:25

YANBU at all!

So he basically expects you to hang around waiting for him while he has weekends away on his own, and then do nice family things together when he's free?

Sounds like you definitely need a weekend away somewhere while he stays at home with the kids too.

SamG76 Fri 28-Feb-14 14:04:26

He actually wants to go to Legoland! That is Unreasonable! I go there myself with the kids, but wild horses wouldn't drag me there off my own back.

chillidoritos Fri 28-Feb-14 14:05:12

What annoys me is that when he does have a weekend at home he never wants to do anything anyway, just watch Sky sports.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Fri 28-Feb-14 14:05:51

oh and its probably about time you had a nice week-end away at a spa yourself. Your dh can organise something nice for him and the kids that week end too!

Finola1step Fri 28-Feb-14 14:07:16

Good for you. Do not put your life on hold while your DH trots off with his mates. If he moans about missing out, then it's up to him, isn't it?

Finola1step Fri 28-Feb-14 14:08:33

X post. So when he is at home, he's too tired to fully engage in family life?

Priority check needed me thinks.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Fri 28-Feb-14 14:09:17

Yanbu.

Do you ever get any time away op?

Pobblewhohasnotoes Fri 28-Feb-14 14:10:45

Does he spend any time with the dc? He seems to be living a different life to the rest of you.

JoinYourPlayfellows Fri 28-Feb-14 14:12:46

YANBU

I remember as a small child (4 maybe) I wondered whether other people really existed when I couldn't see them.

Like maybe when I wasn't around they just went into suspended animation until I came back.

Pretty selfish way to think, but I was a child and grew out of it.

What's his excuse?

Inertia Fri 28-Feb-14 14:13:56

If he wants to come then he can sack off the stag weekend!

Does he think you, the children and the dogs go into some kind of suspended animation while he's not there, only springing into life once he's finished playing cricket?

Do the children even know who he is, given he hardly ever seems to spend any time with them?

RiverTam Fri 28-Feb-14 14:13:56

well, on this alone he sounds like a waste of space!

notthegirlnextdoor Fri 28-Feb-14 14:14:07

YABVVVVVU. You should be at home like a good little wife bored and having no fun.

shock

Ergh. Go and have lots of fun. Sod him.

Inertia Fri 28-Feb-14 14:14:17

Ooh spooky cross post Join!

notthegirlnextdoor Fri 28-Feb-14 14:15:55

River Tam : Hello fellow browncoat.

JoinYourPlayfellows Fri 28-Feb-14 14:16:18

Inertia - that one really is spooky grin

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat Fri 28-Feb-14 14:16:20

If the DCs enjoy Legoland, I'm sure they won't mind him taking them again later and you can go off and do something fun either by yourself or with friends at the same time?

Hassled Fri 28-Feb-14 14:18:42

FFS go - he really does have some sense of entitlement, doesn't he? Go and have fun, and keep making sure that you do fun stuff while he's off getting pissed up.

My DH tends to devote way too much of the weekend to sporting activities - in fairness, it's with the kids so it's not like I'm on childcare duties. But I still felt grumbly and hard-done-by - making the effort to get off my arse and do my own thing has made the world of difference to general weekend contentment.

SchrodingersCake Fri 28-Feb-14 14:27:37

YANBU!

My DP is going to Burning Man this year. I'd love to go myself but we both agree we don't fancy taking DD (2y) for the foreseeable future. This trip will take him 2 weeks during peak time/school holidays. We're familiar with Lanzarote and I suggested I take DD while he was away, then we realised it was schoolhols. Ugh. Everything costs 3x.

Basically, I'm saying, do you share costs? Me, DP and DD go away twice a year but she's young enough not to worry about school hols and DP is self employed and frankly earns a fortune working on contract. I'm a wedding cake maker so have a "season".

If you think you'd be bored while your partner is away go for it! Your holiday sounds lovely. Your partner is being an arse. He doesn't want them to have any amazing camera-worthy experiences without him. In fact,I love hotels and so does DD. Fancy a partner?

pointythings Fri 28-Feb-14 15:24:37

YANBU, he is being selfish and you should definitely go.

What a twat.

FabBakerGirl Fri 28-Feb-14 15:27:50

Definitely not BU. if he's that desperate to go he can cancel his stag do. Thought not.

Why should you stay at home while he fucks off on another jolly? If be asking him that.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 28-Feb-14 15:29:41

DH is not happy as he wants to come and says I'm being selfish by taking them there without him.

He wants his cake with jam on it doesn't he.

Nerris Fri 28-Feb-14 15:34:10

YADNBU.

I think it's a great idea, why should you sit around staring at 4 walls whilst he's off on another jolly.
It's tough titty for him if he want to go to legoland too, he should have prioritised you over getting pissed with his mates.

Start as you mean to go on I say.

ksrwr Fri 28-Feb-14 15:35:45

YANBU!!

AgaPanthers Fri 28-Feb-14 15:37:26

YABU: can't you find somewhere better than Legoland?

How about a nice week in the sun?

www.firstchoice.co.uk/holiday/accommodation/overview/Hammamet/Holiday-Village-Manar-042165

QueenofallIsee Fri 28-Feb-14 15:37:53

What a tool - remind him that you don't live in a cupboard only coming alive in his god-like presence and if he spends all his free time on solo hobbies, thems the breaks

hillyhilly Fri 28-Feb-14 15:38:44

YANBU, I usually do something special with my kids if DH is away so that we're all getting a treat not just him.
I'm frequently having to explain to my DD at the moment that when she's off on a play date/ brownie camp/ whatever, DS and I will do something she might enjoy but we're not going to sit at home while she's off having fun - she's only 9 so I don't mind having to explain it but your DH is being selfish.

fromparistoberlin Fri 28-Feb-14 15:40:26

LTB!

BalloonSlayer Fri 28-Feb-14 15:42:11

YANBU.

My DH was a bit surprised when he came in from a day out with 1 DC and I said he needed to sort their tea because I had been out for the day too, had done tea for the other DCs, and I was tired as well.

I think he imagined I was waiting hopefully in the kitchen in my apron all day, longing for ma mans to come home so I could feed them my lovingly home-cooked fare.

On my birthday he wanted to do something with DC1 but thought he'd better cancel because it was my birthday. I said I was fine about them going. Then I mentioned that I might take the other DCs out for lunch, as it was my birthday. Feathers became ruffled! He thought we should go another day so he could be there too. I had to explain that I had no problems with him going out, but he was not going to dictate what I was going to do on my birthday.

Creamycoolerwithcream Fri 28-Feb-14 15:42:22

I think it's a really good idea. I had a similar situation with my DH and I felt like I was kind of waiting in while he had fun. Now if he is doing a ski/stag weekend I arrange lots with the DC. We start with yummy and expensive takeaways and do fun days out. He was a bit surprised when I started doing it and a bit jealous of some of the things i arranged but I have stuck with it. I think it's been good for our relationship.

HSMMaCM Fri 28-Feb-14 15:43:41

Sounds like a great idea. The spa weekend for yourself also sounds like a great idea.

RiverTam Fri 28-Feb-14 15:45:54

to be perfectly honest, I can't see how living with a man who spends his weekends either whooping it up with his mates or parked in front of the TV is good for anyone's relationship, but perhaps that's just me.

NewtRipley Fri 28-Feb-14 15:46:22

Hmm, so he's arranged for the dogs to be looked after but the children - well, you're always there as the default carer so he doesn't have to bother. He sounds like he needs a wake-up, and you need to leave him alone with the children sometimes

Melonbreath Fri 28-Feb-14 15:48:39

Yabu.
I think you are being very selfish not entirely focusing your whole life on your dh. You should be chained to the kitchen where you belong and twiddling your thumbs until he gets back where you will welcome him home with open arms and do all of his washing whilst the poor tired dear watches TV.

Oh sorry, it isn't the 1950s anymore is it? In that case go off and do whatever you damned well please.

expatinscotland Fri 28-Feb-14 15:51:30

I'll never understand people who put up with twats like ths.

NewtRipley Fri 28-Feb-14 15:53:55

I have a friend in this situation. It's been going of for 13 years and basically she is a single parent

ChasedByBees Fri 28-Feb-14 15:58:35

If he wants to go that badly he can cancel his stag weekend. Do you ever go off for weekends where he looks after the kids OP? You should.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Fri 28-Feb-14 16:06:53

He's being an absolute arse

God forbid he should miss out on something.

The rest of you should hang around for his royal highness and only have any fun when he's around.

Which isn't often, because he's mostly to be found off having fun with other people.

I honestly don't know why some people even bother having a family if they don't want much to do with them.

evertonmint Fri 28-Feb-14 16:11:32

Go for it! If he realises you are all having more fun without him (and let's face it stag dos are just about drinking and being hungover which is not that much fun - my DH always sounds weary before he's even set off when it's a stag do trip) it might just make him realise what he's missing and come and join you some more. Of course, it might do nothing of the sort but if it doesn't you're still having fun so you can't lose!

CHJR Fri 28-Feb-14 16:33:22

Gosh, OP, you are a good mother! When my DH is away I lapse into passivity and fail to do anything fun, which is not at all fair to the children (or me, actually).

TetrisBlock Fri 28-Feb-14 18:49:47

Sounds great to me! Why should you all sit around waiting for him to get back from his jollies?!

SnowBells Fri 28-Feb-14 18:54:49

chillidoritos

Does he think a stag do is like a chore?!? Granted, your DH really does not sound like my DH. He hates the thought of a stag do. Has nightmares before going on one. And when he was meant to go, he cancelled. He doesn't really do the hanging out with the dudes…

… so if he had to go to a stag do, and I went to… Paris or the like… he would get quite a tad jealous.

But if your DH is just being a git… then no, YANBU.

MarysDressSways Fri 28-Feb-14 18:57:48

me either expat! I'm constantly surprised by some of the things people put up with on here.

Lavenderhoney Fri 28-Feb-14 19:06:52

Personally I would arrange fun every weekend- not encourage the dc to sit about and wait for him. They must think he's royalty or something.

Go, enjoy it, and let them and you have a life.

Why are you putting up with it anyway? He sounds very single to me. I hope you don't leave him a dinner to warm up. Or get the house tidy. He sounds very entitled to me.

RedFocus Fri 28-Feb-14 19:24:43

Ha if I did this my dh would cancel the stag weekend and invite himself to Legoland! wink

UniS Fri 28-Feb-14 19:28:22

GO for it OP.

DH travels ( for work) a lot at one point in the year , that month he will be somewhere different every week. That month I make sure DS and I go and have a weekend away somewhere different to normal.

I bet you only have to do this twice before he starts joining you.

He is gonna hate feeling left out!

Twat.

Lavenderhoney Fri 28-Feb-14 22:00:46

And if he doesn't or won't help when you get home tired with dinner to cook etc etc then its a new problem.

However, you must live your life! Stag weekends? Surely all your friends are married by now! And lads weekends away? He's probably concerned about the money you'll be spending instead of waiting home.

littledrummergirl Fri 28-Feb-14 22:15:15

YABU
Drayton mannor is much better than legoland, although it is probably only for a day.
Smaller and less queues.
Cadburys world isnt far away though grin

DinahLady Fri 28-Feb-14 22:22:42

YADNBU!! He goes away on his stag weekend, that's fair enough.
How the heck though can he expect you to sit in and do nothing, being bored and awaiting his return?!
That's so cheeky. He's SO paranoid he's going to be missing out. If he wanted to go that badly, he'd cry off the stag weekend and come to Legoland with you! smile
He just doesn't like the thought of you off out havingfun without him instead of sat at home eagerly awaiting his response.
Go, go GO to Legoland with your DC's. DO NOT stay in doing nothing waiting around all weekend for him to come back!
Get out and have fun, time will go quickly for you, and your dc's will have a great time.
If he feels he's missing out, then he knows what to do next time, and come with you! smile

Jenny70 Fri 28-Feb-14 23:49:01

I agree do something fun, and tell him to take a flying leap if he tells you where you can/can't go - you don't tell him where the stag weekends should be etc.

But how many DC and what ages, I can't do legoland solo yet, as youngest can't goon many rides, but older need an adult with them. And some the 3 children, 1 adult ratio doesn't work (boats etc).

But assuming you can make it work, do it!!

VeggySausage Sat 01-Mar-14 00:09:58

YABU going to legloand on your own with no help.

Dump the kids on your parents and go away for the weekend.

Troglodad Sat 01-Mar-14 01:25:52

Life in an unending re-telling of a ten year old boy's summer holidays must be peachy. Troglomum would probably tear my knackers off if I did that, and quite right too.

YANBU - do it! Also, consider challenging that adventurism and get him taking you all camping and stuff smile

Troglodad Sat 01-Mar-14 01:26:16

I meant channeling, not challenging

DontGiveAwayTheHomeworld Sat 01-Mar-14 01:34:13

At least it was planned in advance. DH has a lot of impromptu nights out, sometimes staying at mates houses, and it drives me mad! Currently waiting for the text that tells me whether he's coming home tonight so I can go to bed (need to leave the door unbolted if he's coming back.) Ok, tonight was actually planned, but it's the same routine at least three times a month.

Ah well, night out with my best buddy next Friday. Which has a time limit because DH has work on Saturday, so I have to be at least semi-functional. Grrr!

Adikia Sat 01-Mar-14 02:02:08

YANBU, it sounds like a great plan to me and if he's that bothered about missing Legoland then he can make his excuses and miss the stag weekend instead grin

Cranky01 Sat 01-Mar-14 08:04:35

It depends how old and tall are your children, because if 1 is tall enough for the rides but the other isn't it can be quite difficult on your own

Discomama Sat 01-Mar-14 08:19:18

Next time don't tell him, don't tell the kids, then suprise them on the morning you go -- wonder mummy wink

mrspremise Sat 01-Mar-14 08:37:18

Not telling him would be my vote in future too; "oh, it was a spur of the moment thing..." Surely if he's not around as usual you dont need to consult him wink

Ticklefeet Sat 01-Mar-14 08:40:02

He needs to 'man up'.

Aeroflotgirl Sat 01-Mar-14 08:42:46

Yanbu no no you are not being selfish, he is! He has a choice, go to Legoland with you and the kids or go to his stag weekend, he's made his choice. Why should you all sit around moping, whilst he's having a good time. I would be having a serious talk with him about his lads weekends, it is not acceotable!

nkf Sat 01-Mar-14 08:48:01

Enjoy your weekend away.

Lorelilee Sat 01-Mar-14 08:57:00

People only continue with unreasonable behaviour if you allow them to, yes I'm looking at you OP and DontGiveAway. Marriage and parenting should both be 50/50 enterprises - with each faction understanding and carrying out their responsibilities. Make this happen and your life will be much happier.

whatever5 Sat 01-Mar-14 09:45:27

YANBU. I would do this but also pay for my mum to come too as the trip would be more relaxing and enjoyable if there was another adult there.

Inertia Sat 01-Mar-14 20:07:02

That's a very good idea Whatever5 - or perhaps even a willing friend of OP.

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles Sat 01-Mar-14 21:36:39

YAdNBU to go somewhere nice when he's away.... BUT

I am a Legoland regular as I live nearby and would say that you need to consider your children's ages and heights if you go on your own. As there are 4 years between my two, it could be tricky going on my own with them when they were smaller as there is only a limited amounted of rides very small children can go on and the slightly bigger ones need an adult to accompany them, which means they miss out as you can't leave your younger one on their own. If you live local, it is OK to just do the shows, parks and limited rides but if it is a trip away, you'd be hacked off paying all that money to only be able to get on a few things. Good suggestion to take another adult. April is not normally too bad with crowds (still can be busy) but I'd avoid August like the plague, it can be hell on earth. HTH.

vladthedisorganised Sat 01-Mar-14 21:37:58

Dear God, YANBU!
My H loves skiing, I can take or leave it. When he went when DD was tiny I'm ashamed to admit I did sit at home, bored out of my tiny mind, and did nothing at all until he returned.
The following year I woke up.. it's now an annual ritual for DD and I to have a city break somewhere while H hits the slopes. If he's that fussed about going, he always has the option to cancel his skiing: just as yours is welcome to cancel his stag weekend attendance if he particularly wants to come to Legoland.

SomethingkindaOod Sat 01-Mar-14 21:45:35

Just go.
Before Christmas DH announced that he had been invited on 2 50th birthday weekends away with his buddies and could we have a chat about money and timing please? This was in addition to his working away commitments and work/social commitments as well which have increased this year.
So I said fine, but as he knew I was keen to take the DC's down to London for the weekend and would be pricing up a hotel/apartment and train tickets down there for us. Just us, on one of the weekends he was away. In Spain. In January tit.
I didn't bluff him, he knows damn well I can manage 3 children anywhere I choose to take them on my own and we all love London so he knew I was serious.
Lo and behold, he decided not to go to Spain and we are currently looking for a nice place to stay for our weekend in the Capital grin. I may still take them myself later in the year, money allowing, but he knows I will go whatever he thinks. If he chooses to take himself out of the equation then he deals with the consequences.
YANBU x

Brilliant plan. I'm going to steal it. The next time dh goes away, ds and I will be off somewhere fun!

CalmTheFarm Sat 01-Mar-14 22:04:23

YANBU. Go and enjoy yourselves!

50shadesofpink Sat 01-Mar-14 22:25:48

Yanbu at all!
My DH is going on a stag in April too! If it's the bank holiday, I might join you with my DC at Legoland!!

LimeLelloLizard Sat 01-Mar-14 22:32:23

YANBU about your selfish DH. Sod him.

YABU about LEGOLAND - it really isn't up to much. If you do go, stay somewhere else and just go there for one day... there are some lovely days out in that part of the world.

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