AIBU to think bouns presents are .....

(46 Posts)
trampstamp Wed 19-Feb-14 17:17:10

Indulgent to say the least I was watching this moring and they were talking about the rise in bouns presants were parents buy siblings a gift on the other child's birthday so they don't feel left out confused

They survey they came up with said 40% of parents now do this

Who are these people and should they be slapped with a wet haddock and brought back to reality

kazkiss Wed 19-Feb-14 17:18:56

My two always get gifts on each other's birthday. They are allowed to though because they are twins smile


My MIL thinks I do this. I don't. But every birthday I have to have a bloody long conversation with her about how I don't buy a present for siblings because it is not their birthday. Why doesn't she listen? And why does she say that she doesn't agree with it either and then try and buy extra presents for siblings to make it fair.

Sorry for derailing your thread.

Well slap away if you like I don't really give a shit what you think hmm

We do this. Only small things but I really don't see why is anyone else's business, or indeed of any interest to anyone else. Our sons are kind and considerate and happy to see other people being happy and getting presents. So they certainly haven't been negatively affected or turned into entitled brats by this. It makes them both happy, including the birthday boy who helps to choose for his brother.

clairemum22 Wed 19-Feb-14 17:21:16

I buy one present for the non birthday child and see no harm in it. Am sure you're a much better parent than me though.

squoosh Wed 19-Feb-14 17:21:37

My parents did this back in the early 70's when they just had two sweet children. They were less sentimental about hurt feelings when they got to five kids!

trampstamp Wed 19-Feb-14 17:21:47

What why are people,buying birthday gifts gor children when it's not there birthday.

What ever happend to saying your not the center of attention today when it's your birthday you will have your turn now suck it up sing happy birthday to your sister and have some cake

EmmelineGoulden Wed 19-Feb-14 17:21:55

Would that be a survey paid for by Toys-R-Us or similar?

gamerchick Wed 19-Feb-14 17:23:12

I don't. I see it the same as everybody winning in sports day.

Birthdays are the one day of the year when it's about you. I wouldn't make my kids not have that.. no way.

People can do what they want though.. I don't care.

The birthday child is still the centre of attention. Why does this bother you or make any difference to your life? Why? Just because someone does something different to you?

squoosh Wed 19-Feb-14 17:23:52

Each to their own etc. but personally it's not something I'd do. Surely the whole point of a birthday is that it's the birthday child's special day. Part of feeling special is knowing your siblings are looking at your presents slack jawed with envy! grin

EatShitDerek Wed 19-Feb-14 17:24:08

My siblings are 4 and 3. My son is 3. Mum.bought sister a scooter last year but bought the boys them too so there was no fighting. She also lets them all have a turn blowing out the cake on each others birthdays.

trampstamp Wed 19-Feb-14 17:24:54

the physiologist they had on was not wrong

I actually never heard of this until today

Exactly gamerchick. I have no interest in whether people do this or not. You do what you like for something totally inconsequential to everyone else. I can't see why the op is getting so irate she wants to slap people with a wet haddock...

mumbaisapphirebluespruce Wed 19-Feb-14 17:27:40

I don't get it either, but it's none of my business if other people want to. Just seems unnecessary for me. The non birthday children get party bags or get to experience the treat of a trip to the cinema or soft play or whatever the birthday celebration is, so I don't think they are missing out.

EatShitDerek Wed 19-Feb-14 17:28:10

My son is 4**

Each to their own. If doesn't affect you so why care

IneedAsockamnesty Wed 19-Feb-14 17:31:02

I once slapped someone with a manky wet fish,

It's not really that irate it's slightly less irate than accidentally on purpose getting their ankles with a buggy but more irate than the cats bum face

CorusKate Wed 19-Feb-14 17:31:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

trampstamp Wed 19-Feb-14 17:31:59

What type of fish was it???

GingerRodgers Wed 19-Feb-14 17:32:53

This used to happen in our house only, it was my brother getting a present on my birthday. I never got one on his. Don't really think that's fair but he always was favourite!

squoosh Wed 19-Feb-14 17:33:23

That's pretty crap Ginger.

CorusKate Wed 19-Feb-14 17:33:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littleredsquirrel Wed 19-Feb-14 17:35:13

I don't get it either and I think its right that children learn that they are not always the centre of attention.

I'm amazed anyone does thins though. I've never heard of it. The only time Ive heard of anything similar is buying a present for the young sibling when a new baby arrives and thought that was just to make sure the toddler didn't deliberately pinch the new baby through jealousy!

wheretoyougonow Wed 19-Feb-14 17:37:35

I don't like this either. Children need to learn its not always about them. My kids love choosing and giving each other presents. I find it sad that parents seem to over compensate or just can't bear to say no.

needaholidaynow Wed 19-Feb-14 17:38:18

It's DS2's birthday next Wednesday and then it is DS2's five days later. They won't be getting presents on each other's birthday. It isn't DSD's birthday until October but she still won't be getting presents on the boy's birthdays even if the boys will be getting presents in such a short space of time and she won't. DS1 isn't going to be happy when it's DS2's birthday before his (ds2 turns 1 and ds1 turns 3 and now
Knows the concept of birthdays) but he'll sooon be happy when he's stuffing his face with birthday cake and having fun at a party, whilst still in the knowledge that his birthday is just around the corner and he gets to do it all over again.

needaholidaynow Wed 19-Feb-14 17:40:22

*ds1's five days later!

ZenNudist Wed 19-Feb-14 17:41:55

Now grin at idea of tin of pilchards... In a sock, that'll learn 'em

DoJo Wed 19-Feb-14 18:12:02

Ok, I don't give a shiny shit whether people do this or not, but what's the reasoning behind calling them 'bouns' presents? Or is it a repeated typo of 'bonus'?

HappyMummyOfOne Wed 19-Feb-14 18:15:11

We dont but only have one grin

Each to their own when it comes to treats. We buy DS things all through the year whereas many believe children should only have something new twice a year on special occassions. I dont have to wait until christmas for an item I want so apply the same principle.

Mumoftwoyoungkids Wed 19-Feb-14 18:18:38

Pretty sure my parents did this with us in the early 80s. It was generally just a small present eg a book but it was nice.

Pretty ure neither of us are overly sociopathic now.

meddie Wed 19-Feb-14 18:21:16

Never did this with mine ,as I have vivid memories of my own mother insisting my sister got to blow out the candles on my cake, so she wouldnt feel left out and I hated that I wasnt allowed to have anything just to myself ,for just one day a year

whatsagoodusername Wed 19-Feb-14 18:38:30

My parents did this. My sisters and I had no trouble learning that it wasn't all about "me" in spite of this.

I do this. It makes me happy, it makes them happy, happiness is the key to my life so 'shrug' smile

I generally aim for gifts that can be played with by them all together, a play kitchen for example, a dolls house, a sand pit... then the non-birthday children will receive a related item that they can use to join in with the main pressie to birthday child.

Its what happened in our house when we were dc and I just carried it on. Me and my Dsis used to share our birthday money too, split 50/50 so we could go shopping together. This was from quite young and was our own decision. I cant do that with mine as there will be 4 of them and they don't receive a lot of cash so it wouldn't work.

Aboyandabunny Wed 19-Feb-14 19:04:01

My parents did this in the 70s/80s with DB and myself, calling them 'Un-birthday presents'. We loved it and got quite excited over them.blush

SnowBells Wed 19-Feb-14 19:07:45

I don't condone it. It's probably widely spread though considering some schools now have this 'medals for everyone' approach. Ha! Wait until those kids grow up, and they don't get something they want. How are they going to cope outside their little cocoon?

caketinrosie Wed 19-Feb-14 19:11:07

I'm with meddle it's one day a year that's all about the birthday girl/boy. I've never done it, but tbh it doesn't particularly offend me if others do. smile

embouchure Wed 19-Feb-14 19:13:51

No never done this. I didn't realise people did it until I read this thread.

steff13 Wed 19-Feb-14 19:17:35

My grandmother used to get my brother a gift on my birthday, and vice versa. I've never thought about it as being weird.

AmberDextrous Wed 19-Feb-14 19:18:33

We do this, it's lovely! smile

IneedAsockamnesty Wed 19-Feb-14 19:20:08

What type of fish was it???

Rainbow trout and not even a nice organic one.

I'm my defence I was only 15 at the time and it was a 30 odd year old bloke who wouldn't take his hand off my knee,was I bugger going to use the lovely bit of monk fish I also happened to have about my person.

My parents always did this. Despite this dsis and I had no problems growing up thinking that it was always about us hmm

I now do it with my dc. Just a little token gift of around £5, usually a book these days, when they were little it was one of those small playmobil sets or a colouring book and crayons.

Slap away.

I personally find parents who spend in excess of £50 on each child at Christmas ridiculous. Would not slap them with a wet fish over it though.

rockybalboa Wed 19-Feb-14 19:24:25

What's a bouns presant?

My kids don't get gifts on their siblings' birthdays if that's what you're on about. Stupid idea.

Greythorne Wed 19-Feb-14 19:33:44

Never heard the term "bouns"
Is it a typo?

5Foot5 Wed 19-Feb-14 20:52:23

I think it slightly odd but if it works for some people then fair enough.

The only reservation I have is whether this in any way contributes to children who can't accept when it is someone else's special day. I am sure I have seen threads on here where people talk about birthday parties where a child other than the birthday child wants to blow out the candles or help to unwrap the presents.

holidaywoe Wed 19-Feb-14 21:12:31

We don't do bonus presents, however my two boys are very close and they have mass consultations with each other about what to ask for which is very sweet!
At Christmas they also make a pretty much joint list and you won't find one thing in the house that either boy will say is "theirs".
My friend however sticks to the day being only about the birthday child and her kids are SO protective over things belonging to just them as it was bought for their birthday.

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