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AIBU starting a masters at 8 months pregnant?

(97 Posts)
oliviaoctopus Sat 08-Feb-14 07:03:51

I have just found out I'm pregnant and will be 8 months when starting my masters. I dont want to defer as its a very competitive course for places. Can the university make me quit or is it my decision if I choose to carry on and do it?

Trenzalor Sat 08-Feb-14 07:07:41

I should imagine it's your decision, they might be guilty of sex discrimination if they asked you to drop out.

I had visions of all the things I would do on maternity leave including on line flexible courses - haven't done any of them. You might be super efficient and have alternative child care in place so be able to do it. There's no way I would've managed my MA now.

ZillionChocolate Sat 08-Feb-14 07:08:23

I'm no expert, but from what I know of masters courses and babies, it sounds like a bad idea. Is this your first baby?

FWIW I was due to have surgery before a one year FT post grad course. I was told that attendance at lectures and tutorials was compulsory and I couldn't miss a month and then try to catch up. I delayed the surgery.

brettgirl2 Sat 08-Feb-14 07:09:28

Surely if you have a place you have a place whether you defer or not? I would talk to them tbh, doing a full time masters with a newborn will be really hard.

oliviaoctopus Sat 08-Feb-14 07:11:26

They wont except defering as its social work. I'm not really worried about being able to complete it, but I am bit concerned they might not allow me to. Good point on the sex discrimination.

brettgirl2 Sat 08-Feb-14 07:14:48

I completed 1/3 of a pt masters while on mat leave, I could have done more tbh. But I did far fewer hours than I was meant to over the course.

I really would talk to them rather than posting on here.

BikeRunSki Sat 08-Feb-14 07:19:48

You need to talk to your would be tutor. Check up on the university policy on sex discrimination and pregnancy first. There may also be reference to procedures about not starting/ not finishing courses due to personal circumstances- if you can defer, carry credits etc.

SunnyL Sat 08-Feb-14 07:27:47

Oh god i've done 2 masters (one of them while working full time) and no i really dont think i could have done much on the first 4 months of mat leave. Can you do the course part time? Then youd only have a couple of modules in the first term?

3bunnies Sat 08-Feb-14 07:38:49

I work for a University and have seen many students trying to study for something with the intention of completing it on maternity leave - it rarely works well. I also finished off a correspondence course when dd1 was a baby and it was tough on both of us. If at all possible I would defer entry to the course. The university won't stop you doing it but it will be tough.

oliviaoctopus Sat 08-Feb-14 07:41:34

Its my 3rd. I did it with my first degree and didnt miss one lecture or take a day off. I just don't want them to say no when I turn up to register really huge! Thanks for your help and Im glad they cant say no grin

GingerMaman Sat 08-Feb-14 07:45:59

Is this a research masters?

It really depends on what type of a baby you have. How were you and your partner as babies? How were your siblings and his siblings?

I've got a very fussy baby and I'm extremely sleep deprived even at 9 months, so I would say definitely not possible, but I know some others have much easier babies. But despite that, I think you need to give yourself at least 4 months to recover.

oliviaoctopus Sat 08-Feb-14 07:50:40

No I will be in 4 days a week. Dh is going to work weekends and the 1 day off I have. Then I will be in lectures part of the day and get all my essays done in uni time. I have dh there so I can just go straight back in to uni as its not a physical job so not too stressful on the body.

Booboostoo Sat 08-Feb-14 08:00:11

Congratulations!

The University cannot make you quit because you are pregnant/have a newborn, but you may have problems if you cannot meet course requirements such as attending lectures and handing in work on time. Is this your first baby? I would say it is very difficult to study towards the end of the pregnancy and during the first few months of a baby's life - the sleep deprivation alone may make it impossible for you.

However, the good news is that you are entitled to take maternity leave so they cannot prevent you from deferring for a year. Talk to your tutor and if he isn't helpful go straight to student services and get informed help.

MimmeeBack Sat 08-Feb-14 08:04:56

I have a friend who was due to start a masters but her place was deferred for a year when she fell pregnant as she became an unreliable candidate.

oliviaoctopus Sat 08-Feb-14 08:07:40

Did the uni decide she was an unreliable candidate? I dont really want to defer if I dont have to as its easier for me this way as dh will be able to do all childcare.

Elllimam Sat 08-Feb-14 08:09:12

I would say they can't make you quit for being pregnant. I am currently in my last module of my MSc part time and during the course I have had one baby (who is now 14 months) and am now 4 months pregnant with my second. I also worked full time (apart from 6 months of mat leave) throughout the whole course. I am now considering starting a professional doctorate next spring smile it's definitely manageable.

So you will have. The baby in November? Then you will be on placement by January. Unless you plan to attend lectures with a literal newborn you won't be able to complete the academic work, and you won't be able to do placement unless you are willing to leave your baby 5 days a week.
Sorry to say it but I can't see how this would work. I'm sure they would let you start it but you would manage a month maximum before having to defer.
I'm doing a SW MA by the way, I know of which I speak!

oliviaoctopus Sat 08-Feb-14 08:13:52

Not in placement until March so I have lots of time before then luckily. I am planning to attend lectures with newborn as I can have the baby and leave with dh next day as he can work around me luckily. Im willing to leave baby all the week thats fine.

As I said as long as they let me I will be fine as I did it on my first degree whilst on placement, working and full lectures and didnt miss a day of uni. Literally had dd and then was back in next uni day. I left all my children at very young ages so that kind of thing doesnt bother me really.

cupoftchai Sat 08-Feb-14 08:23:47

My uni did not say I had to defer when I got preg towards the end of my course (also social work!) but the expectation that I would do was very clear. I was reliant on the uni arranging placement in a timely manner so I could finish before due date (would have finished 2weeks before) however they basically did nothing, hummed and waited, and then told me on last day I could have started and still had chance of finishing that there was no placement.
I am still annoyed!
But I have now returned after a year out, finished my placement, and have a brand new social work job and a lovely daughter. So it did work out in end, just not as smoothly as I imagined!
I did not make a formal complaint as I needed the uni to work with me after mat leave. I sent summary emails of what had happened to student reps and the tutors involved and course director. Difficult situation though. I did have a smoother preg not being on placement.
Anyway, that was a long way of saying be very careful!

oliviaoctopus Sat 08-Feb-14 08:30:13

Thats what Im worried about cupoftchai. I know I can 100% do it straight away but I just worry they wont give me the chance. Grr so sexist! If dh was doing the masters and I was at home more there would be no problem. sad

Tryharder Sat 08-Feb-14 08:37:59

I was going to say YABU but given your last post where you say you've done it before, have your DH in place for on tap childcare and are realistic that you will have to spend time apart from a newborn, I would say that you should do it. I couldn't have done it due to the sleep deprivation alone but you sound like you are made of sterner stuff.

Your original post made it sound like you were expecting a first child and you were viewing maternity leave as some sort of extended holiday in which you would loads of free time which I think is why posters were quick to say YABU.

Booboostoo Sat 08-Feb-14 08:38:32

Taking the baby with you to lectures is a different matter as it may be deemed to be disruptive to other students. If you are breastfeeding they may not be able to stop you but you need to consider how realistic it will be to have a baby that may cry, need changing, etc. in a lecture theatre/seminar.

If they will allow you to defer why not take that option, spend a year with your baby and then devote your full attention to your degree next year?

oliviaoctopus Sat 08-Feb-14 08:43:39

Im not taking the baby or breastfeeding this time. I want to do it this way as I wont be able to afford childcare for 3 until qualified, and dh can only do these hours around me this year. Im actually booked in for an abortion on monday so just assessing my options at the mo.

bouncysmiley Sat 08-Feb-14 08:47:21

That depends on whether you intend to be the babies main carer or not. If you do, then having completed a masters, and had a baby (separately) I really don't think the two are compatible. I would defer and concentrate on your baby. Unless you have organised childcare for the time you need to do your reading, essays and revision then you'll be fighting a loosing battle.

A social work masters is very different to a bachelors degree. But you should give it a try since you are determined! I wouldn't, but I'm probably less organised than you are.

Oh blimey
Well. That changes things a bit. Hard head on, I'd say terminate, concentrate on getting qualified then think about having another if you want one. If this is the only chance you will get to do this then I'd make it a priority. disclaimer, I might not actually do this if it were me

oliviaoctopus Sat 08-Feb-14 08:55:11

I only found out I was on the masters and pregnant this week! Argh so crazy.Why does everything happen at once?!?

Booboostoo Sat 08-Feb-14 08:56:40

Do you have time to postpone the abortion decision for a few more days? I fully support your right to make this choice, and have made it myself, but in this case I wonder whether you shouldn't take a bit of time to discuss things directly with your university. If they are positive about defering this might be another alternative.

JanePurdy Sat 08-Feb-14 09:00:42

Leaving aside the masters, do you want another baby?

oliviaoctopus Sat 08-Feb-14 09:05:35

I want more children, and I really want the masters. It states no deferrals all over the site, and its extremely competitive to get on. Only 1 in 4/5 make it so its an opportunity I really dont want to miss.

paxtecum Sat 08-Feb-14 09:18:31

Ohhh love. Life is so odd at times.

To go straight back on the course immediately after giving birth is really the same as going back to work.

Although sheer, grim determination could get you to Uni and get the work done, your physical and/or mental health could suffer.

Did you and your DH consider your family to be complete?

If you keep the baby but end up giving up the course or not getting such a good result, you could subconsciously resent that child.

I'm trying to think of something positive to write about having two children, a new born and going straight back to Uni the day after giving birth and I can't think of anything!

Best wishes to you whatever you decide.

paxtecum Sat 08-Feb-14 09:19:21

Cross post.

Honestly, I couldn't have done what you are thinking of doing. The MA is very intense, academically and emotionally. It would have just been impossible for me with a new baby. I think you are going to have to choose one or the other.

oliviaoctopus Sat 08-Feb-14 10:08:49

I wont be the babys carer though as dh will be. If I do the degree without the baby I am working 20 hrs, dh 40, with the 2 children and the masters which I think will be just as hard.

You plan to work 20 hours while you do the masters?
Sorry, I don't know what to say. You're either superwoman or not prepared for this at all.

oliviaoctopus Sat 08-Feb-14 10:18:53

Lots of people I know have qualified working 20 hours on the BA/MA. I was working in Social Services so know a lot of Social Workers.

callamia Sat 08-Feb-14 10:28:02

Can you start and then interrupt? This isn't really the same as a deferral, and happens frequently when students have health issues (as well as pregnancy).

It would give you time out, but not forfeit your place on the MA.

MsAspreyDiamonds Sat 08-Feb-14 10:28:34

They can't stop you from accepting the course but I would give some serious thought to whether you would be able to fulfill your learning contract and complete the programme on time & to the best of your ability. I work in the HE sector & in my 10 years there I have never met a pregnant woman who was able to complete on time without applying for extensions etc.

It can be done but you have to be extremely focussed and have a good support network behind you as you will be spending a lot of time away from your baby. Think about what you would do if you or your child are sick, 9 am starts or 6pm lectures. You don't know what kind of pregnancy you will have, how your or the baby's health will be after birth. Also, don't underestimate how tired you will be so I would advise you to think & plan carefully if you decide to go ahead.

. Think carefully before committing such a huge sum of money for a year, can you not do it part time over 2 years? Atleast you wont be under such huge pressure, make sure that you graduate with a decent mark.

oliviaoctopus Sat 08-Feb-14 10:32:50

With dd1 I was back in placement and all lectures straight away and Im still in my 20s, and have been lucky having very easy pregnancies and births. With dd1 I was also at work 22 hours a week a couple of months after birth on top of all that. Im really not afraid of hard work. I had no extensions and got a 2.1

I have took 4 days off with my children since the first was born 6 years ago and I work 40-50 hours +.

oliviaoctopus Sat 08-Feb-14 10:33:22

*taken!

Really? I don't know anyone who works and has kids on my MA. The only people who manage to work are child free. Actually no there is one woman whose DS is 12 and she works one evening a week for about 3 hours.

I'm not trying to be a party pooper and honestly, if you have an incredibly supportive DH, a cleaner and some extremely well behaved kids you might be able to hold down a job, but I can't see where you would even fit 20 hours in plus the MA as it's more or less 40 hours. If I had tried that I would have had a nervous breakdown.

Booboostoo Sat 08-Feb-14 11:07:19

OK OP it may well be that you can do it, but I still don't understand why not go for the middle option of deferring? I was a Uni lecturer and I can promise you that they cannot refuse to let you defer because you are pregnant.

coldwater1 Sat 08-Feb-14 11:18:28

A bit different but i started uni in september to study a social work degree and i was about 28 weeks pregnant, i carried on at uni until the day before i was induced and went back 10 days later for a week until the christmas holidays. I went back in January as normal. smile

PaperBagPrincess Sat 08-Feb-14 11:22:40

A SW masters is gruelling. Its not just a case of lectures and academic study. You'll have placements and it will be emotionally tough.

Honestly? Only you know your situation best, but I would explain your situation to the course leader, and if you cant defer, think about reapplying in the future. I did a very similar Masters, starting when my youngest was 3 months old. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, and I had full-time childcare and a highly supportive DH. In retrospect, I would have left it another year or so afterwards, to allow my body and mind torecover from birth and the early child rearing months.

liquidstate Sat 08-Feb-14 11:31:06

Whatever you do, don't jump on your DH at 2am when suffering from writers block during the dissertation write up. Made that mistake and now expecting an unplanned little one. grin

MandatoryMongoose Sat 08-Feb-14 12:00:38

If it were me, my biggest concern would be - what if this pregnancy isn't straight forward? what if you needed a c-section? or the baby needed some help after birth? I know you're previous experiences have been good but that's no guarantee.

I'm not saying don't do it, just talk to the uni and find out what would happen in the various possible sets of circumstances. I think you might be a bit mad though, I'm about to return to Uni after a year out for mat leave and I'm already panicking about juggling the work and DS.

oliviaoctopus Sat 08-Feb-14 12:04:35

Eirikur - I live in an expensive area and most students work and are a not 18 so have children. They just do evening/weekend work often in the same field of care or retail, waitressing, chambermaiding as there are lots of jobs like that.

Coldwater - Well done thats very good to here!

Thetallesttower Sat 08-Feb-14 12:05:55

Talk to the university, they may mean no deferrals but will accept an interruption if you are pregnant/have a small baby/have something else wrong (e.g. suddenly get ill).

It's pointless to speculate about how they would respond to this and they won't advertise on the website what to do- this is something you need to speak directly with them about.

I also think that Mandatory is right- this all hinges on you having an easy pregnancy, an easy birth, an easy baby and that everything goes smoothly.

I don't think you can proceed on that basis- what if your child has a disability, or you have a C-section and can't walk into lectures, what about breastfeeding?

Olivia, so do I. Honestly, nobody with kids works. But fine, you're sure you can do it. I think you're crazy but I could be wrong.

oliviaoctopus Sat 08-Feb-14 12:11:34

I know that could happen mandatory/tallest tower. I have very quick births, so much so drs advised home birth for next as it will probably be too quick to make hospital. With baby being easy that doesnt bother me as 1st wasnt easy she woke up every 2 hours until 18 months, and didnt sleep through until past 3. That sort of thing is part and parcel of having children though so ok.

With breastfeeding I did bf last baby for nearly a year, but this time will ff.

oliviaoctopus Sat 08-Feb-14 12:16:25

Eirikur - I know Im crazy. Over last year I was working up to 60 hours over 7 days with dh working full time, no cleaner and no family support. I have no life outside of that though I live for being a Social Worker and the children at present.

grumpyoldbat Sat 08-Feb-14 12:25:57

My concern would be if you or the baby were unwell after birth. AFAIK you'd be entitled to mat leave. I'm a nursing student and in Scotland there was a test case brought by nursing students who were forced to quit when they fell pregnant. It was ruled they could take mat leave. I would hope it would be the same for SW but I'm not a lawyer.

I'm studying a MSc in nursing, working and have 2 children. I find it exhausting working 7days a week and completing assignments while still finding time for housework and dds. I'm not sure how I'd cope physically if I was still in the night waking stage. On the other hand some of my colleagues are bemused by how tired I look do perhaps I've just no stamina. Your health is something you have to consider. Also from what I've heard placement allocation can be a bit chaotic making planning more difficult and stressful.

cupoftchai Sat 08-Feb-14 20:38:57

Olivia u have a really tough decision to make. Can u get some counselling to help with decision making? Sandyford would do in scot, not sure where u r.
I do know someone who was doing the ba social work course and had baby at start of summer hols in their first or second year. They didn't take any time out but did have full summer hols and their partner stayed home with baby.
Is this your qualifying course to become a social worker or are u already and this is post qual?
I did 2yr postgrad course to qualify. About two thirds of the course worked. Nobody had young children- we did think this was unusual- a couple had teenagers. It was really full on.

oliviaoctopus Sat 08-Feb-14 20:47:25

Its my qualifying MA. Dh says just go for it and it will all work out. I have read on the website no defferals for this course. I have skim read their massive sex discrimination policy and nothing in there. I have alsi read there supporting pregnant woman doc. You have to have 2 weeks off at this uni, so god knows how this will work!

ElBombero Sat 08-Feb-14 20:48:35

Yes that's fucking mental

oliviaoctopus Sat 08-Feb-14 20:52:48

Dh is saying I wont have to do any night feeds as he will do lot so I will only have day care to do when not at uni, and he will still be on hand to do a lot then as well.

I just hope the uni are ok with these types of things and dont make me go all the way back through the application process if I did have to defer.

BikeRunSki Sat 08-Feb-14 21:56:01

I did an MSc when I was young, single and childless. I was very, very intense. Full 40 hour week plus associated coursework, projects, dissertation.... I can obviously only speak for my experience in my field, but I would not expect the course to have any let up and throwing a baby in the mix too will make it even more intense.it made the final year of my degree look like a walk in the park.

oliviaoctopus Sun 09-Feb-14 07:14:20

I think if this was the other way round no one would bat an eyelid with a dh doing a masters, and a dw doing the childcare.

The world isnt ready for people doing things this way round for some reason.

Kyyria Sun 09-Feb-14 08:00:37

I did the final year of a BA (including 15000 word dissertation) when ready to pop - in fact my first assignment was due in 5 days after my DS was born. It was part time so I was only in uni one full Saturday per month. BF didn't work (milk never came in after suffering a huge haemorrhage/blood transfusion during labour) so wasn't a problem with feeding as DH could formula feed DS at home. Started course at the beginning of October and DS was born 26th October. Have to say the first 6 weeks were awful (BF problems etc) and to be honest having to deal with coursework etc on top of that was difficult. I remember trying to coordinate writing coursework when DS was 1 week old - got a 3 day extension as had been in hospital for 5 days post birth and was struggling to meet the deadline. Not much fun trying to fit coursework in between a (not feeding very well) BF baby, stressing as was feeling like a failure as had to top him up with formula, hormones all over the place, HV and midwife visits and just wanting to sleep and spend time with my baby.

It was a long slog. Don't just presume baby will sleep so you can crack on with things. I did a lot of trying to do coursework whilst carrying DS in a sling. A lot of late night's working until stupid hours as hadn't managed much during the day. Trying to get my brain into gear on bugger all sleep when the only time you have chance to work is when you should be sleeping was not ideal.

That said, I managed it. I was a bit disappointed that I got a 2:1 (just missed out on a 1st with 68%) as I had been on track for a 1st for the first 2 years of the degree, but still bloody proud of myself for achieving what I did.

Have told all my family and friends (who did try and talk me out of doing it) that if I plan of doing a degree whilst expecting again that they should slap me. DS was my first and although I don't regret doing the final year with a very small baby I certainly wouldn't do it again.

I've done a masters (law), and no feasible way could I have done it with a baby.

BoredNinja Sun 09-Feb-14 08:19:39

Olivia, it sounds as if you have some good plans in place if you do have the baby, and your dp sounds lovely and supportive. Plus you've done similar before so you are coming from a realistic viewpoint. I agree with your post about gender roles - if it was your dp doing the masters I think people wouldn't question it so much.

Just do what's right for you.

Pigeonhouse Sun 09-Feb-14 08:24:16

Olivia, in response to your last comment, surely part of the reason for that is that the man wouldn't actually be the one giving birth, potentially having a c-section or a difficult delivery and trying to get back to classes with a possible episiotomy and engorged breasts? I know you say your births are easy and straightforward, but that's no guarantee.

I admire your determination, and I can see why you want to go ahead now in terms of childcare etc, but I think you need to take to your tutor, and think through worst-case scenarios too.

paxtecum Sun 09-Feb-14 08:27:50

Olivia:
I think if this was the other way round no one would bat an eyelid with a dh doing a masters, and a dw doing the childcare.

I think in saying that you a missing the point: it wouldn't be DHs body carrying the baby and giving birth though would it?

I know someone who had glandular fever at Oxbridge. She used sheer, grim determination to keep going rather than miss a year.
By doing so she compromised her health and developed ME.
20 years later she still has ME.

ROARmeow Sun 09-Feb-14 08:28:59

I need a lie-down after reading about OP's plans. She's superwoman!

No way could I do that. If you're DH is really supportive and ready to step up to the mark then go ahead.

But if you still want to keep your abortion appt then I think that's totally understandable too. TBH, I'd probably go for the abortion option in your position, but I live in a country where abortions are illegal.

You have lots of options, and a good goal in mind.

3bunnies Sun 09-Feb-14 08:31:28

Actually olivia dh started the second half of a four year masters the day ds was born and it was a nightmare all round - I had to keep 3 dc quiet while he studied - we ended up going out loads. The dc always wanted to see him and spend time with him but he had to study. Although I was doing the feeds it still disrupted his sleep and he needed a number of extensions to get through the course. I know a number of people whose partners are studying and it puts stress on everything even when they aren't the main caregiver. I am not saying that it can't be done but it is very tough and generally grades and family life both suffer, but you have 8 months to put things in place to get through it. It will be getting through though rather than enjoying it.

Kyyria mine didn't sleep through until 9 months either and dd1 didn't sleep in the day either - intolerances and reflux.

oliviaoctopus Sun 09-Feb-14 08:37:51

Im not planning to study at home ever that would be totally crazy. Your boobs dont really go engorged when ffing as its only lasts a day or so, whereas when I bfed for a year I turned in to Lola Ferrari.

Im not really superwoman as dh will just do literally everything cook, clean, childcare for all 3 etc. Hes used to it so when I say I wont be doing anything I really will just be doing the masters.

Squiffyagain Sun 09-Feb-14 08:44:16

Yes, you're crazy, but I'd say go for it.

I was crazy too. Toddler, working full time and I started an MA at a prestigious uni 10 days after having a C-S with my second. It was only a PT masters, but I went back to working full time when DD was 4 weeks old, so had to dive back and forth across London using 'lunch hours' to attend lectures, and grafting all weekend on the academic stuff. But I loved my job and I loved my subject. And I got there (although I knew I'd never get the distinction i really wanted).

If you're passionate about it and happy to accept that your life will be batshit crazy and if you know in your heart that you've got the metabolism then I'd say go for it.

cupcake78 Sun 09-Feb-14 08:51:41

I did a ft masters with a 2 year old and it was hard going! Also had placements to do as well.

I needed a lot of family help. Dc was in nursery funded by us for 2 days a week so I could attend lectures. Pil had him another day and weekends were spent studying. I didn't sleep much. Did assignments during the night.

It was very very hard and I'm almost certain I could not have done it with a newborn.

You need to look at the number of expected study hours per week for your course. Mine was 10 per week with lectures and placements on top of that. It nearly broke me.

maddening Sun 09-Feb-14 09:05:40

From everything you've said I say go for baby and masters! If you want a third dc and do the course then have a career then it may be more sensible to have third dc while you have full time childcare at home rather than a career break and new dc going into childcare at at a younger age. By the time you are going into work the dc may be over 1 and walking which is much nicer for when in full time childcare as they can get up and play.

oliviaoctopus Sun 09-Feb-14 09:09:40

We have decided we are 100% keeping the baby so now just time to figurr out the rest! Im sure it will all work out.

cupoftchai Sun 09-Feb-14 13:05:23

Congratulations! U do sound like u r going to think it all through very carefully. Remember no job/course/career is worth wrecking your health over! Just think about what u and dh really want from your lives and for your kids, and use that to steer u.

oliviaoctopus Sun 09-Feb-14 16:06:38

I'm having an abortion. My mum thinks they wont let me defer so I would have to reply again as the course is so competive. Boo sad I will have to have 2 weeks off whether I like it or not for health and safety so will miss stuff. Either way looks like Im screwed. Thanks anyway everyone

CaptainSinker Sun 09-Feb-14 16:22:44

Why not speak to the Uni? This seems like quite a major decision to take in a few days and based on what your Mum thinks.

BikeRunSki Sun 09-Feb-14 16:25:34

Have you actually spoken to the university? Having an abortion seems like a very extreme decision to make without talking to them about your own particular set of circumstances.

harticus Sun 09-Feb-14 16:32:15

You MUST speak to the university about this OP. They will be very understanding.
You have gone from "100% keeping the baby" to deciding to have an abortion in the space of a few hours.

I did my MA when my son was a baby - he was 2 months when I started.
Knackering but do-able. And I am a single mother.

MA really isn't the same as a BA - if you are organised and can really plan your workload and stick to it and if you have decent support then it is not impossible. Talk to the uni and good luck.

grumpyoldbat Sun 09-Feb-14 16:38:40

Speak to Uni first, if you decide to abort before getting all information. If after speaking to Uni you still want an abortion then that's fine. I'm concerned from the tone of your posts that you feel pressured into an abortion. Especially as you changed your mind so quickly. It's the Uni who can answer the questions you have about practicalities not your Mum.

Thetallesttower Sun 09-Feb-14 16:41:02

I also agree, speak to the uni, this is ridiculous making decisions on what your mum says- universities have protocols and have to abide by the law for this. Two weeks rest will be standard across any employment (or around that) as in you are not allowed to go in but that doesn't stop you working or listening to audio-tapes of the lectures, you can do that at any time.

daisydee43 Sun 09-Feb-14 16:44:03

I was 13 wks when started 2 yr college course but was PT

daisydee43 Sun 09-Feb-14 16:45:09

* was very difficult and I only passed one year but did get my qualification - would've got a diploma for both years

foreverondiet Sun 09-Feb-14 17:16:03

I think its possible if you can afford / can access enough childcare.

Booboostoo Sun 09-Feb-14 17:36:53

Please speak to the Uni OP. By all means have an abortion if that is what you want but this does not sound like an informed decision. A quick phone call to the course tutor should clarify where the Uni stands on this and honestly if they are being awkward all you need is the Students Union Equal Opps officer to help you.

GrasshopperNchipmunk Sun 09-Feb-14 18:13:57

There was a pregnant woman doing the social work BA the same time as I was doing the MA - she was already pregnant when she started the course so the uni clearly didn't take issue with it.

Also I just wanted to say that if you decide to proceed with the pregnancy and do your course, remember this; everything in life is about perspective, what one person finds difficult someone else can find easy. You need to decide yourself whether you think you can do it, and it sounds like you have put a lot of thought into how you would manage. You sound determined earlier in the thread and I have no doubt that doing an MA with a baby is achievable if you want it bad enough.

Hope you are ok OP.

oliviaoctopus Sun 09-Feb-14 18:14:32

I think my mum is concerned as its such a competitive course and they state no deferrals then I will lose it. I could then reapply and not get in. I cant believe this is all happening at the same time!

BarbarianMum Sun 09-Feb-14 19:19:59

Your dh is planning to do all the (daytime) child care, is that right? If so, I think your only problem will be the couple of weeks you'll need off post birth (you have to have these by law). Of course, if it is difficult birth then you may need more time off.

Other than that your situation is no different from a man starting a Masters when his wife is 8 months pregnant. Which is to say it will be bloody hard, esp w two small children, but do able.

The Uni cannot bar you from the course or make you take more than the statutory minimum maternity leave.

Personally I couldn't/wouldn't do it but plenty of people do!

mrsbug Sun 09-Feb-14 19:58:53

Go and speak to the university's student services department. That way you don't have to tell anyone on the course team you are pregnant yet.

I discovered I was pregnant halfway through the application process for a funded PhD. I was advised by student services that they had no particular regulations regarding taking time off for pregnancy BUT that the university would have to accommodate me as otherwise it risked breaking sex discrimination laws.

As someone who completed their masters while eight months pregnant and working full time, I think you're crazy grin. But in a good way.

muser31 Sun 09-Feb-14 20:19:52

delurking...just a thought.... i am hearing that you will feel really regretful if you end up having to defer your masters and it ends up that they won't let you, but perhaps if you had an abortion you might really regret that more. many people feel regret and guilt years after an abortion - im just making you aware of it to give you perspective.

i think you sound so determined and focused. its in your personality - you have done it before, you sound confident that you can do it again.... and your dh will be doing all the childcare and the night feeds so its totally different than trying to juggle the masters with a newborn. please talk to the uni before making decisions!

BikeRunSki Sun 09-Feb-14 20:39:07

I came back to this thread to say just ^ this ^.
What would you regret more - it doing the Masters or not having the baby?

You say you're unlikely to get a place on the Masters again. Are you likely to get pg again?

I would do it. I wouldn't even think twice tbh. I have a siumelar DH to you by the sounds of it, I spent the first year of my degree with a baby and two slightly older (and demanding DC). I didn't do much of anything at home, dh did nights as I was usually reading/writing. I joined in the fun bits but the slog was all him tbh. I felt like a 50's bloke it was great! grin I could really concentrate on my course and get stuck in, I was doing about 70 hours a week in total as the Uni was a 5 hour round trip commute for me a day 4 days a week min, then study on top etc. But totally worth it.

I have had to duck out this year due to serious complications with my disability due to pregnancy and I am gutted, I cam chomping at the bit to start again next September - with a 6, 5, 2 and newborn... it can be done, its what (good) DH's are for smile

Booboostoo Mon 10-Feb-14 07:30:06

OP you keep returning back to the perception that the uni won't let you defer, but what do you lose from asking? You have a written offer, they can't rescind that. Ask what would happen if you were pregnant, they might surprise you. Please don't rely on speculation to make this decision.

grumpyoldbat Mon 10-Feb-14 08:10:38

OP please call the uni at 9. Mat leave isn't the same as deferral. Any decision you make without knowing all the facts and I mean facts not speculation you'll regret. Whatever that decision may be.

oliviaoctopus Mon 10-Feb-14 18:29:39

I cancelled my appointment and am keeping the baby and having 2 weeks maternity leave.

PeriodFeatures Mon 10-Feb-14 18:39:50

Am in almost exactly the same position op. the workload on a sw ma is phenomenal. manageable with no other pressing distractions but phenomenal. they will hold your place for a year. dont do it now. you will set yourself up to fail. Message me if you want to ask anything.

oliviaoctopus Mon 10-Feb-14 18:47:26

Im not deferring. Im just going for it and just going to work crazy on it. I think it will be ok and feel really enthusiastic to do it after today.

Good luck smile
You sound like the sort of person who can make it work if anyone can. So good luck!

BikeRunSki Tue 11-Feb-14 04:56:32

Good for you !

Booboostoo Tue 11-Feb-14 06:54:46

Good luck! Let us know how you get on if you feel like it!

muser31 Tue 11-Feb-14 08:26:55

oh thank you for coming to let us know! you inspire me greatly as i am a single mum and study and find it hard and i wish i had half your energy and determination. please come back to update us how its going (between assignments lol)

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