to not understand how someone rests their balls on someone's head?

(86 Posts)
dunmopin Thu 06-Feb-14 17:07:33

Probably shouldn't ask about this as it was mentioned in another thread. It has just really confused me - not just that someone would do it but how is it possible?

CuttingOutTheCrap Thu 06-Feb-14 17:13:02

Don't know which thread, so don't know context, but is one sitting and the other standing?

StormyBrid Thu 06-Feb-14 17:13:31

She's short and sitting in the loo, he's got really long legs and no trousers, is how I pictured it.

ProfPlumSpeaking Thu 06-Feb-14 17:14:43

I tried hard NOT to picture it!

CuttingOutTheCrap Thu 06-Feb-14 17:17:26

Which thread?

SaucyJack Thu 06-Feb-14 17:18:00

I'll send my DP round to give you a demo if you like?

Tuhlulah Thu 06-Feb-14 17:19:09

Are we being deliberately disingenuous?

frugalfuzzpig Thu 06-Feb-14 17:19:30

What the hell kind of thread are you referring to OP grin

dunmopin Thu 06-Feb-14 17:21:24

No thanks Saucy - I'm tall. Mmm I see this happens a lot, sheltered upbringing. Only I would have thought it was risky as the head is quite a hard surface. Maybe that's the point <curiousity satisfied, burbles off>

oldgrandmama Thu 06-Feb-14 17:27:49

Um, am I missing something here? As a seventy something old crone mature lady, I thought I'd seen/heard it all. So - she's shi ... sitting on the loo, he rests his balls on her head ... how bloody TALL is he, or does he use stilts?

I thought my household was a bit kinky in that I can't take a wee/poo without my cat supervising the evactuation. If I shut the bathroom door, she can push it open and come in. More disturbing is when she jumps on my lap and purrs. But in balance, I think I prefer cat before guy balancing balls on my head.
BTW, OP, are his balls particularly impressive? Just asking.

oldgrandmama Thu 06-Feb-14 17:29:15

Ooops, cat doesn't have balls, she's a lady cat. Bad grammar.

Preciousbane Thu 06-Feb-14 17:35:54

Are they trying to use the loo at the same time then?

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Thu 06-Feb-14 17:38:34

Whuuuut taf? Never mind how, in the name of all things unholy-why?

oldgrandmama Thu 06-Feb-14 17:39:08

Preciousbane, my mind keeps trying to visualise this but I really don't want to ... wouldn't it, er, trickle down from her head? [Has attack of the vapours]

Gileswithachainsaw Thu 06-Feb-14 17:41:23

confused eh?

Gruntfuttock Thu 06-Feb-14 17:46:26

OP, I wouldn't be asking "How?" I would be asking "Why?" confused

Preciousbane Thu 06-Feb-14 17:46:59

Passes oldgrandma smelling salts.

Joysmum Thu 06-Feb-14 17:51:48

Earmuffs?

Gruntfuttock Thu 06-Feb-14 17:55:13

Good thinking Joysmum I'm sure that must be the reason. smile

Warm earmuffs.

Tuhlulah Thu 06-Feb-14 18:10:12

Would it not be during a mutual act of pleasure in which the thingies might well rest on a lady's head while the wotsit rests in her mouth? equally as file as a giant standing next to a micturating short lady?

Tuhlulah Thu 06-Feb-14 18:10:41

Not file, viable.

ohhifruit Thu 06-Feb-14 18:12:15

Maybe when they do the pissing through her legs whilst on the loo thing but even then all the equipment will be point down and not near her face.

Gruntfuttock Thu 06-Feb-14 18:14:46

Tuhlulah! "thingies"? "wotsit"? Oh I say! Wash your keyboard out with soap immediately. I'm not used to reading such filth.

Tsk.

GlitzAndGiggles Thu 06-Feb-14 18:16:13

That confused me too lol I hope someone can enlighten me hmm

Tuhlulah Thu 06-Feb-14 18:18:57

Ok but I fear for Oldgrandma which is why I used euphemisms.
During the act of love known in some quarters as '69', would it not be possible for a man to level himself over a lady, with his penis in her mouth, and maybe then his testicles would rest, ever so gently, on her forehead?
You forced me into that and it's not even the watershed yet.

ineedabodytransplant Thu 06-Feb-14 18:22:34

And he complains her pee smells hmm

HerBigChance Thu 06-Feb-14 18:30:38

Best thread title in ages

BalloonSlayer Thu 06-Feb-14 18:50:32

OP I thought that too, when I read that thread!

I can honestly say that my DH has never rested his balls on my head EVER, and certainly not when I am having a wee. And if he did - not that he would - he certainly wouldn't have the nerve to complain that my wee smells. In case I stood up suddenly.

GlitzAndGiggles Thu 06-Feb-14 18:52:05

Maybe he does a handstand whilst she's sat on the loo?

ProfPlumSpeaking Thu 06-Feb-14 18:52:18

it wasn't for mutual pleasure - she wrote an imaginary letter to him telling him she didn't like it.

It's on the thread called something like Dear DH (a confession).

Mordirig Thu 06-Feb-14 18:54:34

You can not start this thread without a link,,,, so kinky linky please!

GlitzAndGiggles Thu 06-Feb-14 18:56:42
oldgrandmama Thu 06-Feb-14 19:01:20

Tahlulah, really! But ... maybe, just maybe, he does a sort of handstand, on the rim of the toilet, while she's shi ... sitting on it - she's got really thin thighs [bitter], so there's room for his big, strong but sensitive, manly hands between her spread (thin) thighs on the toilet seat, and therefore, thanks to the headstand, his balls are on the level of her head (he has a long body and legs) and ... his 'joystick' is sort of level with her, um, mouth because it's of, shall we say, heroic proportions ...10/12 inches (oldgrandmama doesn't do metric)?

KissesBreakingWave Thu 06-Feb-14 19:03:35

Unless something, somewhere, in the gentleman's personal artillery is freakishly deformed - think really, really elongated wheels on the gun-carriage - there is no way he can at once have the barrel in her mouth and the wheels on her head. Not even on her face, unless he's up for choking her until she's deaded.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone Thu 06-Feb-14 19:09:38

Whoever these people are, they need more hobbies.

emotionsecho Thu 06-Feb-14 19:22:07

FGS you lot stop it, I've just had to explain to DH what I am laughing at !!

Tuhlulah Thu 06-Feb-14 19:37:34

Hah, that's nothing. My 12 year old DS is asking me what's so funny.

Tuhlulah Thu 06-Feb-14 19:39:16

Kisses I am choking with laughter and have tears running down my cheeks. Face cheeks.

penguinplease Thu 06-Feb-14 19:48:04

Another person who came away from that thread trying to visualise how it was possible and WHY you'd be doing it?!!

hoboken Thu 06-Feb-14 19:49:39

Why, just why?

Tuhlulah Thu 06-Feb-14 20:00:52

Oh my goodness I have read the confession thread. He rests his testicles on her head when she's doing a wee?!?! Why? Does he need a truss?

TiggyOBE Thu 06-Feb-14 21:10:18

Takes some of the weight off the scrotum. Very sensible idea.

madmomma Thu 06-Feb-14 21:12:39

That would not smell good! DH has truly theee most immense balls in the world though, so if anyone could, he could :D

Tuhlulah Thu 06-Feb-14 21:13:45

Give over Tiggy, all our DPs/DHs will be at it if you carry on in that vein.

TiggyOBE Thu 06-Feb-14 21:18:37

Personally, I use an ornate mahogany ball stand. Elegant relief.

TiggyOBE Thu 06-Feb-14 21:20:12

Madmomma, did you misspell "three"? As in "DH has truly three most immense balls in the world though"

madmomma Thu 06-Feb-14 21:27:25

Haha gladly no I didn't tiggy. Just the two big auld swingers. I call him Buster ;)

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Thu 06-Feb-14 21:30:29

what is slightly more disturbing is why someone would have anything in their mouth whilst weeing never mind the balls on head situation confused ah well... the world has allsorts of folk in it!

Tuhlulah Thu 06-Feb-14 21:37:02

Wtf did she have in her mouth? I missed that bit...

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone Thu 06-Feb-14 21:41:55

He should just get a longish shooting stick

Tuhlulah Thu 06-Feb-14 21:44:46

Or a big sling

Tuhlulah Thu 06-Feb-14 21:45:27

Hoist 'em up round his neck. Could use manly cloth like tartan.

GlitzAndGiggles Thu 06-Feb-14 21:45:57

Lol I don't think she had anything in her mouth whilst urinating. Just falafel resting on her head ;)

Tuhlulah Thu 06-Feb-14 21:49:08

Falafel? Two scotch eggs, surely?

GlitzAndGiggles Thu 06-Feb-14 21:50:24

As long as it's not balls of steel else she'll have a headache

Tuhlulah Thu 06-Feb-14 21:50:31

Or three scotch eggs in Madmomma's DP's case...

Tuhlulah Thu 06-Feb-14 21:52:26

Is this what's known colloquially as a balls up?

madmomma Thu 06-Feb-14 21:57:50

Perhaps he gives her a newton's cradle?

emotionsecho Thu 06-Feb-14 21:59:53

I come back and you're still at it, I'm desperately trying silent giggles here!

The confession took a very unexpected swerve at that point, I had to go back and read again to make sure my eyes weren't deceiving me.

SecretWitch Thu 06-Feb-14 22:03:18

Isn't this called tea bagging? Or do I have my sexual acts mixed up?

madmomma Thu 06-Feb-14 22:09:51

No that's dipping balls in someone's mouth. HTH grin

Tuhlulah Thu 06-Feb-14 22:19:21

Tea bagging? What is that?

Tuhlulah Thu 06-Feb-14 22:20:08

Madmomma's, is that what chocolate fountains are really for?

SecretWitch Thu 06-Feb-14 22:25:30

Damn, what is newton's cradle? I feel sexually inexperienced now despite being on the horse more than 30 years now..

madmomma Thu 06-Feb-14 22:26:05

fner grin

madmomma Thu 06-Feb-14 22:27:19

Newton's cradle is, I believe, my own invention, based on ye olde desk toy with the metal balls that swing to and fro. Anyone?

Tuhlulah Thu 06-Feb-14 22:29:08

Newton's cradle is not a sexual act but a desk top toy. There are three metal balls suspended by strings and when you grab alone ball and let it swing against the next one it has an effect on the others and makes them all swing, knocking and bashing into each other.

By the way, do you know why the testes hang at different heights, one being higher than the other? To stop them bashing into each other like a Newton's Cradle. My DS told me that,

Tuhlulah Thu 06-Feb-14 22:31:09

And my DH did have three testicles recently until he had an op to have the third one removed. All the fun we missed out on, all because I wasn't using MN...I could have had three of them on top of my head like Carmen Miranda.

madmomma Thu 06-Feb-14 22:35:03

It's a sexual act in my house

SecretWitch Thu 06-Feb-14 22:38:03

Tuhlulah, you have made my night! Thank you so much for the education..

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Thu 06-Feb-14 22:43:23

Tuhlulah

I had a colleague with that condition. After hecame back from the op he was known as Dave the Ex-Pawnbroker.

Tuhlulah Thu 06-Feb-14 22:45:14

Madmomma, Newtonian nookie...are you one of those ball breaking women I hear men talk about?

madmomma Thu 06-Feb-14 22:45:18

Well I've heard of 3 kidneys but never 3 testicles. If only he had 2 dicks eh?

madmomma Thu 06-Feb-14 22:46:58

Well the idea is that the testes hang at each side of --my-the partner's face and are alternately raised and released in a slapping motion ................................................................................................................................<tumbleweed>

Tuhlulah Thu 06-Feb-14 22:47:44

Please, one is enough.

madmomma Thu 06-Feb-14 22:49:01

But think of the bowling ball action on offer from a man with 2 peni...

Tuhlulah Thu 06-Feb-14 22:51:15

Bowling action. Do you mean a googlie?

madmomma Thu 06-Feb-14 22:52:14

erm...possibly?

Tuhlulah Thu 06-Feb-14 22:54:29

Oh I know what's going on now Madmomma. Has it all gone dark at your end? Have you suddenly had a scrotum dropped on your head and you can't see the keyboard. It's a bit like putting a cover over a parrot's cage. The dark shuts them up.

AdmiralData Thu 06-Feb-14 22:55:29

I saw this happen once. In a pub. A gentleman (not of my acquaintance) had fallen asleep on a sofa in said pub. I was with a group of friends who all knew the young barkeep. The barkeep leapt over the bar, sat on the radiator and cover behind the sleeping gent and put his ... erm ... plums on the face of the sleeping gent. He took a photo. True story.

The pub is now closed down.

riskit4abiskit Thu 06-Feb-14 23:33:22
KissesBreakingWave Thu 06-Feb-14 23:50:40

Since you mention Newton's cradle, I will point out that I have seen this done with breasts. Mesmerising.

WilsonFrickett Thu 06-Feb-14 23:57:57

Tis called a sack cap in Wilson Towers and is something DP is fond of doing of a morning while I'm still in bed and he is having his nekkid morning wander/scratch. Just a gentle draping movement.

But not when I'm having a wee. That's wrong. And DP is not an actual giant.

KissesBreakingWave Fri 07-Feb-14 00:04:56

Conversation right here, right now :

"How would you dip your balls in someone's mouth?"

I explain the basic mechanics of the act of teabagging.

"Surely that's a Health and Safety risk?"

Oh dear.

MistressDeeCee Fri 07-Feb-14 02:56:17

This has got to be well almost the best thread title ever grin

I don't know ...

Is it something to do with a protein rinse?

Being sexually inventive?

What does 'micturating' mean?

The sexual prose on this thread is lovely

GlitzAndGiggles Fri 07-Feb-14 09:10:48

Micturating is peeing

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