to want to book myself into a hotel room on my own for a night?

(67 Posts)
wintersdawn Thu 30-Jan-14 10:44:22

I am exhausted, I haven't slept in I don't know how long, my 3yo dd is at full toddler tantrum plus nightmares stage, my 9 mo ds is teething and has realised mummy can leave the room without him cue screaming all day long, my dog is bored of not having a decent walk because everywhere is flooded and my dh just has to breathe to annoy the hell out of me.
I know I am blowing everything out of proportion but I can't seem to stop myself. I really just need peace.
I'm being selfish aren't Isad

Whatfun Thu 30-Jan-14 10:46:35

No you're not being selfish. I did exactly this when I had three children under five. One more night without sleep and I would have killed someone.

GrumpyInYorkshire Thu 30-Jan-14 10:47:35

Do it! Do it do it! This is the sort of thing I fantasise about. I'd spend the evening in the gym, then back to my room for a bath and a few glasses of wine, then a blissful uninterrupted night's sleep.
And breakfast, alone, with a paper.
perfect!

Meerka Thu 30-Jan-14 10:47:35

nah. It's perfectly normal to want a quiet night with a bit of time for yourself before a night's gloriously uninterrupted sleep!

... no parents who can help for a night?

CreditCardProblemS Thu 30-Jan-14 10:52:52

Do it! I would if I could! You are definitely not being selfish.

Basketofchocolate Thu 30-Jan-14 10:54:37

I would do this once a month if I could afford it.

I often threaten it, but can't afford it sad

Do it!

silverstreak Thu 30-Jan-14 10:56:09

Omg I read this title and thought "I'm totally doing that as soon as!"!! And this is coming from a (bleeding knackered) mum of Just one 11 month old, let alone your over-loaded situation! Sounds absolutely fab, and more survival instinct that selfishness IMO..... And I Bet your dh would be supportive as well (particular if, like mine, he realises he is in danger of losing body parts any time soon if something doesn't improve....!). Do it!!!! smile

brokenhearted55a Thu 30-Jan-14 10:56:20

Do it. Find a premier inn or something if money is an issue.

SecretWitch Thu 30-Jan-14 10:59:37

I told my husband this when I had a 2yr old and a 3 yr old. He travelled widely for business, giving him plenty of opportunities for uninterrupted sleep. He came home one night to find me in a rather wild eyed state. I looked him in the eye and said " Either a hotel room or jail cell, buddy"
I was dead serious.

I spent two blissful nights at a B&B.

wintersdawn Thu 30-Jan-14 11:00:59

I said this morning I was going to do it and dh turned round to say something smart, took one look at my face and said maybe you should think about it.
I'm so glad I'm not the only one who thinks like this.
Unfortunately my parents are 300 miles away and inlaws are useless.

HarderToKidnap Thu 30-Jan-14 11:01:56

I was all set to do this when DS was six months, I was literally counting the days down. Then I read a short story by Stephen king called 1401.... And it scared me so much I cancelled!

endlesstidying Thu 30-Jan-14 11:47:13

YANBU.

I went through a stage of fantasising about being admitted to hospital (with something not too serious) just so I could get some sleep when DS was about 13 months old.

He's now 18 months and I've still not had a full nights sleep since he was born. A night in a good hotel sounds like bliss. Do it if you possibly can can I come with you?

Joysmum Thu 30-Jan-14 11:51:52

Do it, but remember that how you communicate this to your DH can either help you, or make things worse. I'm

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance Thu 30-Jan-14 11:52:31

yanbu
thanks

Joysmum Thu 30-Jan-14 11:52:49

...saying to do it in the right way if you have enough left in you to do so.

member Thu 30-Jan-14 12:07:38

My children are now 9 & nearly 13 & I clearly remember fantasising about doing this - especially with dd1 who managed the grand total of two nights sleeping through between birth & three years!

I never did it as it felt self-indulgent/other people cope etc, etc. Like you, my family were hundreds of miles away.

My advice would be to go, there is no medal for martyrdom. It doesn't matter whether or not other people do it or not. It's the old allegory of putting on your own oxygen mask before helping others. Yes you automatically put yourself down the pecking order in favour of children when you have them, but sleep deprivation is a recognised method of torture!

Try & do it!

Innogen Thu 30-Jan-14 12:13:22

I've done this and it was glorious!

littlewhitebag Thu 30-Jan-14 12:15:16

When mine were small i used to fantasise about a tiny rose covered cottage overlooking the sea with one lovely, cosy bedroom in the attic. I longed to go to this fictional cottage to sleep, read, take long walks alone. I never went to this cottage but i think a night in a hotel sounds like a great plan.

bigbaddomswife Thu 30-Jan-14 12:15:29

YANBSelfish!! Do it, you will love it and start saving for the next trip as soon as you get home : )

projectbabyweight Thu 30-Jan-14 12:15:30

I did this when dc1 was small and I had post natal anxiety which kept me awake at night listening out for him.

One of the best £40's I've ever spent!

ajandjjmum Thu 30-Jan-14 12:19:01

My children are in their 20's, but I remember booking into a spa for a couple of nights when they were under 3, so that I could have a bit of time for me. I developed a dreadful migraine, and spent the night throwing up! grin

IndigoTea Thu 30-Jan-14 12:19:59

Go for it! I am tempted to do it too. Just need to get LO on bottle

pointythings Thu 30-Jan-14 13:16:49

Do it. Just do it.

I didn't when mine were little but then I didn't need to - lucky enough to have fab sleepers, and I worked f/t so they were in nursery.

These days my job takes me away overnight a handful of nights a year. I miss DH and my DDs but oh, the bliss of being allowed to take up the middle of the bed, the peace, the lack of domestic chores...

Just do it.

Pagwatch Thu 30-Jan-14 13:18:27

I do it once or twice a year.
I don't see why you would question it if you can afford it.
Everyone could do with a break.

BearsInMotion Thu 30-Jan-14 13:22:07

I had to go away for two nights on business when DD was 15 months. It was bliss! Am trying to think of another excuse to go away now 2 and still a rubbish sleeper

I found even going out for a coffee with a book for an hour or two helped take the edge of that murderous rage/misery/exhaustion.

A hotel for a night would be miles better though. If you possibly can, do it!

MartinSheensTeeth Thu 30-Jan-14 13:33:12

Oh yes. I've also spent many hours wondering what illness would guarantee a short stay in a private hospital room and no nasty interventions, and from which I would return to a household filled with a new found appreciation for me and gratitude for all that I do. Wouldn't get that from a night in a Travelodge grin

MsAspreyDiamonds Thu 30-Jan-14 13:34:38

www.premierinn.com/en/our-cheapest-hotels.html

Just book into a premier inn hotel, £29 for a room you can afford to do it several times a year. I am on my knees with exhaustion now after 3 years of broken sleep. My work is affected & I am completely run down and need a break. I have nobody nearby to take the kids for a night.

Jjou Thu 30-Jan-14 13:50:14

Do it! This is my fantasy too - my kids are 6 and 3 now, but it's something I keep in the back of my mind all the time. DH travels a lot with work and is always moaning about how much he hates hotels but I'm DESPERATE to do this and think he's an ungrateful fecker.

HellsGranny Thu 30-Jan-14 13:56:05

This is my fantasy (it used to be a desert island with Jonny Depp or similar!)

I have a nearly 4yo, a teething 16 month old and a husband who snores.

bunnymother Thu 30-Jan-14 14:04:18

Do it. You must have a break at some point. My DCs have almost starting sleeping through the night without waking me up, and it's been wonderful to start the day feeling refreshed rather than physically ill due to fatigue (my 3year old DTDs are terrible sleepers). Until you get to that point, do take as many nights off as possible.

Lots of sensible posts about the terrible impact lack of sleep has, no medals for martyrs and the need to preserve yourself. Enjoy it!!

smegley Thu 30-Jan-14 14:18:29

Me and dh are doing it tomorrow, I cant wait.
we get to use the pool, sauna, steam room and gym, a decent nights sleep and a full english all for less than £50!

malovitt Thu 30-Jan-14 14:22:26

I stay in a hotel by myself from time to time to get away from my house full of teenagers.

I take my laptop, loads of chocolate and a new boxed set of films.

Heaven.

rubyflipper Thu 30-Jan-14 14:28:13

DO IT!

I had two nights to myself a couple of years ago at a hotel. It was nothing fancy - just a Premier Inn - but it was bliss.

Nothing to do but rest, shop and visit friends; waking up when you like as opposed to being woken up - I need to book another one!

wintersdawn Thu 30-Jan-14 14:48:02

I really should just do it I think. There is that awful in built guilt about doing it but I know they'll have a much better mum next week if I do.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit Thu 30-Jan-14 14:48:25

Do it. You sound like you need a decent break and a rest.

Munxx Thu 30-Jan-14 14:51:45

Do it. Please do it, as soon as I get the baby to stop feeding at night I'm doing it.

YANBU if you can afford it and DH is supportive then go!

I was absolutely on my knees last year, DH packed me off to a friends spare room for a night which while lovely meant I prob stayed up too late nattering and was up crack of dawn to get home - but a full 8 hours was amazing!

DH and I are booking THREE night away when my parents are next here, I can't wait but I would also just love a night and a day on my own in a hotel

Jjou Thu 30-Jan-14 14:58:01

I know what you mean about the guilt - if it came right down to it I would feel a bit weird about doing it. But needs must - you sound like you really need a break.

TwinkleSparkleBling Thu 30-Jan-14 15:08:00

Another one saying do it without hesitation.

I have a 3 and almost 2 year old and have done it twice in the last 6 months. I see it as a battery recharge grin

MTBMummy Thu 30-Jan-14 15:13:26

Do it, I occasionally escape to my sisters house for exactly that reason. x

HolidayArmadillo Thu 30-Jan-14 15:17:14

I went back to work to do permanent night shift to just get some decent sleep. It probably would have been easier to do this tbh. Go for it!

Tailtwister Thu 30-Jan-14 15:19:54

No, you are NOT being selfish. I seriously considered it myself when the children were very small for similar reasons and it was only the lack of funds which stopped me. Of course I survived, but I'm sure the break (and sleep!) would have done me the world of good.

Book it and go!

ModernToss Thu 30-Jan-14 15:36:20

I did it; I was at the end of my tether, so I splashed out on a beautiful hotel that was walking distance from home, so if there was a real emergency I could be there fast. Room service dinner, early night, sleep in, room service breakfast - it was fantastic. DO IT.

bluebeanie Thu 30-Jan-14 15:40:35

Grumpy - that sounds like my idea of heaven. smile

PlumpPartridge Thu 30-Jan-14 15:48:03

I do actually daydream about shutting myself in the back bedroom and pretending I'm not there so DH and the DC can't find me, then putting in the earplugs and merrily ignoring the world.

I haven't ever done it because I feel bad about wanting to sad

Thetallesttower Thu 30-Jan-14 15:49:51

My husband did enable me to go away for a week around exactly this stage, I was really losing it in terms of exhaustion and perspective, and he just said, you need to go away and have a break. I went to see some friends. I did it again a couple of years later. I help him if he's overloaded and wants to say go to see a friend- I am very grateful for someone point out I was running on empty and seeing it was important to fix it.

Coumarin Thu 30-Jan-14 15:50:24

Do it. A fancy one with a huge white bed, 24 hour room service, a mini fridge heaving with posh crisps and chocolate and a spa.

Do it do it!

Meerka Thu 30-Jan-14 16:29:56

actually, if you are restored by a night's sleep then you really will be a refreshed and happier mama, and the little ones will pick up one that.

There is nothing wrong with balancing their needs and yours in the right way! ofc they come first but if they are safe and cared for, you can and dare I say, should, take some time to take care of yoruself too. You will be so so restored.

hamptoncourt Thu 30-Jan-14 16:41:03

Book at least two nights though, so you really get the benefit as you actually might find it hard to sleep the first night, despite being so knackered.

Like previous posters I still do this even though my DC are teenagers!!

Why shouldn't you?

maparole Thu 30-Jan-14 17:06:57

Definitely YANBU.

I only have one ds and he was a great sleeper, but even so I took myself off a couple of times during his toddlerhood

BratinghamPalace Thu 30-Jan-14 17:40:30

Do it. Costs less than a divorce!!! Seriously. And go home in the afternoon the day after. Not first thing in the morning. I did it twice. Worth anything.

petitdonkey Thu 30-Jan-14 17:44:53

I did this!! Booked two nights, spent the first one going out with a girl friend, drank a lot of wine but it didn't matter as I went home on my own to the hotel - still woke early but lounged around and ordered breakfast in the room. Spent the next whole day mooching around London then came back for a snooze and read my book. Was a tiny bit bored in the evening then woke up the next morning, went to the hairdresser and was then really desperate to get home to the chaos.

Do iT!!

Procrastinating Thu 30-Jan-14 17:49:20

Do it.

When I had three under five I went away to a hotel alone for one night and I still remember the joy of being alone, sitting on my balcony (it was Yorkshire!) and drinking wine. I felt better for ages afterwards.

NCISaddict Thu 30-Jan-14 17:50:33

I used to dream about this when I had three under five and they were all good sleepers!
Do it, I do it occasionally now if I'm on a course, only a Premier Inn but it's lovely not to have to think of anyone else and to have someone who'll wash your towels.

GlitzAndGiggles Thu 30-Jan-14 17:52:44

I'd love to do this for a night! Go for it

CrispyFB Thu 30-Jan-14 18:39:36

Like you we have no family support whatsoever and no friends who would support in that way either.

I went skiing last January completely on my own for three nights, leaving the 3 DC who were then 6, 4 and almost 2 with DH. Given he keeps clearing off to America on six night stays for "work" (training courses he actively enjoys) I said it was only fair. He begrudgingly agreed.

Aside from hospital stays and one hen night I'd never really spent a night away from them before! It did me so much good on every level - better sleep, better self-esteem, remembering I wasn't just "MUMMMMMYYYYYYYY" and gave DH a small insight into my day to day life.

I didn't miss them at all, I guess I must have been that desperate.. but it WAS lovely to see them again afterwards! And it really boosted me mentally afterwards too.

Do it.

Mothers are not meant to cope this long without a break from their children - we're supposed to have family and community around us to give us those breaks. It's hardly surprising most of us desperately need one for our sanity, it's not a natural circumstance to be 24/7 parenting.

projectbabyweight Thu 30-Jan-14 18:51:04

Spot on Crispy!

TheCrackFox Thu 30-Jan-14 18:55:02

If you can afford it then do it.

When my two were little I used to fantasize about having a none serious medical problem that necessitated a short stay in hospital.

NCISaddict Thu 30-Jan-14 19:00:44

I always remember Libby Purves saying she wailed at her DH that she wanted to be back in hospital because 'someone offered her a cup of tea and a laxative at 8.30pm' she said she never had one but it was the fact that someone offered.
I definitely identified with that, no local family and a DH who was never back from work until 8.00pm having left at 6.30am.

projectbabyweight Thu 30-Jan-14 20:03:19

I recently had 3 nights in hospital with mild appendicitis (and had it removed). It was bliss! I came home floating on air (mentally, was pretty uncomfortable physically), and dh said it was like I'd been reset grin

MidniteScribbler Thu 30-Jan-14 20:08:13

Just do it. I'm a single parent to 1, but I had my meltdown moment late last year as I hadn't had a night "off" in two years. I got a babysitter, booked a night at a hotel by myself and had 24 blissful hours doing what I wanted to do. Better than therapy!

Aniseeda Thu 30-Jan-14 20:36:46

When mine were this age I used to fantasize about becoming a long distance lorry driver - I am sure I'd have been hopeless at the job but the thought of some unbroken sleep tucked up in the cab ON MY OWN was so appealing!

I used to watch Big Brother and really really hate the contestants for still being asleep at 11am!

I say do it if you can!

KateMoose Thu 30-Jan-14 22:04:45

If I were you I would totally do this. I would find a flood free area and a dog friendly hotel. I would take the dog (who clearly needs the break too), do everything that others have suggested (wine, gym, bed- maybe not in that order) and also take the dog for a long yomp and make sure he/she got a slap up meal too. grin

Cuddlydragon Thu 30-Jan-14 23:31:52

Do it! I had a night in a hotel for a business meeting when DS was 11 months. I felt so guilty in the run up to it but, my god, it was amazing. Huge lengthy hot bath, room service for dinner and breakfast. Bliss!

MintyChops Thu 30-Jan-14 23:44:55

Definitely do it. I have a 4 year old and a one year old plus 2 dogs and before Christmas I had 2 nights away on my own. I needed it, it really helped me get some headspace and sleep and it was a great thing to do. Am going to do it at least once a year, not selfish, the right thing for me and I was a much nicer mum and wife afterwards (for a while!).

I did this when DC2 was nearly 2yo and had never slept more than a couple of hours at a time (and never during the day).

It was fantastic. Not just the actual night away, but I booked a couple of weeks in advance and being able to look forward to a break in eager anticipation really helped me get through a tough couple of weeks.

Then when I got back (and had an improved perspective on life) and everyone (including DH and DS) had survived, I felt a lot less pressure on me to be continually available 24/7/52. It was a bit of a lightbulb moment.

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