to think this mother needs reporting?

(192 Posts)
piklepants Thu 30-Jan-14 04:37:59

School pick up yesterday and one Mum picked her 4 yr old son up and she was wobbly drunk smelling of alcohol. A couple of other mums noticed (She wasn't driving but this is stil not on is it?) she was speaking to a teacher and I'm not sure if the teacher noticed but I saw teacher watch them walk away. Wwyd?

volestair Thu 30-Jan-14 05:17:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fairy1303 Thu 30-Jan-14 05:19:23

Talk to the school. If you noticed, I'm sure the teacher noticed and if she was that drunk her breath would have smelled.

I would let them deal with it tbh, it might have been a one off, been for celebratory lunch or something, and she wasn't driving.

If it was everyday then perhaps think again.

littlewhitebag Thu 30-Jan-14 06:21:04

I think it depends if this is a daily occurence or if it is a one off. She may have been out for a celebratory lunch or perhaps she had bad news that day. If the mum was talking to a teacher then I am sure she would have noticed. If I was you I would do nothing but maybe be alert to that mum and see if it happens again. If it does then speak to the school about your concerns and they can pass them in to the appropriate agency if need be.

redshifter Thu 30-Jan-14 06:37:04

I wouldn't report unless it was a regular thing.

DrNick Thu 30-Jan-14 06:37:59

Teacher would have noticed. Or mums been out infor a boozy lunch with her mates

Gileswithachainsaw Thu 30-Jan-14 06:39:49

I would only report if it happened regularly. It's possible she's had some bad news and got a bit drunk.

Once, I'd give benefit of the doubt.

Crowler Thu 30-Jan-14 06:40:20

Similar thing happened to me a few months back. The step-mother of one of my friend's son's smelled strongly of alcohol at the school gates (but didn't seem drunk). It was a bit awkward.

DrNick Thu 30-Jan-14 06:42:09

Was she incapable? If not butt out

Thumbwitch Thu 30-Jan-14 06:51:27

If she wasn't driving then you should not report her yourself; but if you felt the need, you could talk to the teacher and ask if the mum was all right because she looked very wobbly.

If it's a one-off then reporting her would be very OTT; but if it happens more than once you would be best off mentioning it to the school so that they can follow whatever protocol they have in place.

ITCouldBeWorse Thu 30-Jan-14 06:53:15

Ifyouhave a concern see the cpo at school. Just because you noticed today, it does not mean it does not happen twice a week. They need to collate a portfolio of info. You would corroborate the teachers observation, which might relate to something last week.

If she was straight from a a wake, then that would be seen in context.

TheXxed Thu 30-Jan-14 06:54:58

Picking up a child from school drunk is NOT NORMAL, report her. FFS

happystory Thu 30-Jan-14 06:58:46

All I know is that at nursery level a child will not be released to an adult under the influence......

Doingakatereddy Thu 30-Jan-14 07:00:52

I'm with thexxd, it is not normal to be drunk at 4pm when picking kids up

SolomanDaisy Thu 30-Jan-14 07:04:16

Of course it's not normal to be drunk at 4 o'clock, but lots of perfectly responsible adults have a drink at lunchtime for a special occasion. Reporting for a one off daytime drinking incident is ridiculous and a waste of social services time.

I'm really surprised so many have said not to report it. It is not normal or acceptable to be drunk and wobbly when you pick a four year old up from school. Or any kid, for that matter. How can you look after a four year old when you can't walk straight?

WitchWay Thu 30-Jan-14 07:06:44

It's not good to be wobbling drunk at 4pm but as mentioned above she could just have had a boozy lunch - alcohol tends to make people drunker at lunchtime. Have you seen her like this before? If not I'd leave it for now - as you said, she wasn't driving.

ll31 Thu 30-Jan-14 07:06:58

Ott to rpt unless it's not one off.

DrNick Thu 30-Jan-14 07:07:36

This isn't America. ;)

We can drink and look after kids.

NCISaddict Thu 30-Jan-14 07:10:22

It could have been her birthday/wedding anniversary or a more sad anniversary about which you know nothing and she's been out for a good lunch.
If she's not used to alcohol then it would have more of a visible effect, leave the poor woman alone unless it is obvious it's a regular occurrence.

OP, I would report it to the the school, not SS. Like others have said, it could just be a one-off, but equally, it could be a regular pattern of behaviour and if it is, then the school will need as much evidence as possible before they report it to SS.

Gileswithachainsaw Thu 30-Jan-14 07:11:54

No ones said it's normal or even an acceptable thing to do. However it's more than possible the woman's been to a funeral and a wake and understandably having a bad day.

If she turns up drunk again I'd happily report but as a one off i wouldn't.

SolomanDaisy Thu 30-Jan-14 07:14:27

The gaggle of gossiping mums sound like they'd have noticed if it was more than a one off.

HappyMummyOfOne Thu 30-Jan-14 07:14:36

I'd would have gone in and seen the head, its not normal to be wobbly drunk in the day picking children up from school regardless of the circumstances. Surprised so many think its fine.

FourArms Thu 30-Jan-14 07:15:28

I sent DH to pick up the DSs after our Christmas end of term drink in the pub because I was worried they wouldn't let me have them - I'd had one G&T but I'm a lightweight with alcohol. Actually we stand so far away from the door of the classroom that no-one would ever know.

I'd say report to school - they might then watch for a trend.

Sillybillybob Thu 30-Jan-14 07:22:38

Who has said its fine?! No one!

People are just saying that IF it is a one-off (and OP hasn't mentioned having noticed it before) then there MAY be a reason for it. It's far from ideal to collect your child whilst visibly drunk but perhaps she lost a baby the year before. Perhaps a parent had died. Perhaps a close family member had been diagnosed with cancer. There are a million and one reasons why a person may have a drink during the day when normally that would be unacceptable to them. As many many posters had said she could have been to a funeral.

I am amazed that so many of don't seem to know anyone who has ever needed a drink to get through one of the harder days in life:

Nerfmother Thu 30-Jan-14 07:23:46

Mention to the teacher. Lots of people have bad news and celebrations and don't get wobbly drunk during the day when in charge of a child. Those that do tend to have a problem. Ime (which is limited to knowing lots of mums and two very closely related alcoholics)

YouTheCat Thu 30-Jan-14 07:29:58

Having a glass of wine/beer with lunch is one thing. Having enough alcohol to make you unsteady on your feet is another.

I wouldn't report though. Schools have procedures for these things and if they hadn't felt she was okay to take her child they would have called SS.

PiperRose Thu 30-Jan-14 07:32:02

It doesn't matter if it's a one-off. She is breaking the law, it is illegal to be drunk and responsible for a child. What if they got home and she passed out on the sofa?

I would have reported it to the school safeguarding professional. She may already be open to social services, if not the professional would make the decision whether it needed reporting or not.

pictish Thu 30-Jan-14 07:32:21

If this was a one off, then I think 'reporting' her, would be overblown and histrionic. I would suggest anyone given to do so, find an interest or hobby that will refrain them from creating a drama out of other people's affairs, in which they may insert themselves.

If it happened regularly, then more understandable.

AramintaDeWinter Thu 30-Jan-14 07:35:35

If she was so obviously "wobbly drunk" and spoke to the teacher smelling of alcohol then I'm sure the teacher would have been as aware as the watching parents were.

ApocalypseThen Thu 30-Jan-14 07:36:58

So this woman had a drink for some reason, picked the child up, spoke to the teacher about why she wasn't at her best but would be ok and is now subject of a Schooltime Special: School Mums Investigate (and report! Exciting!)

pictish Thu 30-Jan-14 07:38:21

Apocalypse - spot on! And amusingly so!

Ilovexmastime Thu 30-Jan-14 07:41:12

Agree with other posters, if it's a one off then leave it alone.

DrNick Thu 30-Jan-14 07:42:25

there is no evidence from OP she was incapable of looking after the kid is there?

StanleyLambchop Thu 30-Jan-14 07:47:44

Maybe the wobbliness was not connected to the drinking. There may be something else causing that, and then she had a small drink at lunchtime, to account for the smell. You just don't know all the facts. If she could get up to school to collect, and have a conversation with the teacher then it does not sound like she was totally off her face. I often have a glass of wine at home, in the evening, the children are around, I am not drunk but I would not be able to drive them anywhere in an emergency? Would you report me for that?

Paintyfingers Thu 30-Jan-14 07:51:26

To be honest a bit wobbly could just be tipsy. I personally would do nothing unless I saw it more than once.

hairymonkey Thu 30-Jan-14 07:53:00

I was a bit 'wobbly' after having 2 glasses of wine at lunch with an old friend. I didn't have to pick the kids up,

The point is I wasn't hammered and staggering, I don't normally drink very much and rarely in the daytime so I guess the wine had a more pronounced effect.

It would most likely have been more obvious if I had to go to the school as I would be worried about other parents and teachers thinking I was a lush and reporting me. I'm sure it will all be fine.

following Thu 30-Jan-14 08:05:39

make sure you have your facts right first , there were 2 mums at my dc school that looked drunk and wobbly but they both had very serious illnesses , they were not like it everyday as symptoms changed day to day.

CaptainGrinch Thu 30-Jan-14 08:14:01

Really? As long as she didn't turn up singing "Inky Pinky Parlez Vous" & try to snog the head before screeching off in a clatter of scattered dustbins I think you're overreacting slightly.

I'm pretty sure I picked my kids up from school after having had a lunchtime tipple or 2, didn't realise it was rare or a crime (what's the legal limit for parenting?).

OHforDUCKScake Thu 30-Jan-14 08:14:09

I picked my son up from school after two glasses of bubbly on my 30th birthday. I wasnt pissed but I certainly felt the affects and I was so paranoid, it was a an unpleasant feeling thats for sure.

Its not normal to pick a child up drunk.

I know a mum who reeks of beer most days but she never seems drunk. <shrugs> what is there to report?

But if this mum looked pissed then the teacher really needs to say/do something.

Tryharder Thu 30-Jan-14 08:19:02

Report to whom?


Do you think she's an alcoholic who's regularly drunk or someone who went out for a ONE OFF lunch and had a bit too much.

Until I knew which one, I would consider it none of my business.

JakeBullet Thu 30-Jan-14 08:19:08

I have some experience of this situation.....years ago a mother took her child to the local walk in medical centre. The child had a high temp and the centre sent her to the GP.

They then phoned me (I was her HV at the time) and reported that she had smelled of alcohol. However, they watched her drive away hmm to the GP.

This was not the first time someone had reported this mother smelling of alcohol to me and I arranged a visit to see her.

Thankfully I knew her pretty well by this time as her child was 3 and had attended clinic regularly. FWIW I had never smelt alcohol on her.

When I visited her we had a chat about various issues and then I simply asked her about alcohol. She blanched (poor woman sad) went a bit quiet but then disclosed a severe alcohol problem that she really wanted help with. She was drinking daily and massive amounts of spirits.....

Last time I saw her she had been dry for three years smile.

On at least one occasion she told me she was glad her alcohol use had been noticed as it spurred her in to get the help she needed.

Obviously that is a nice positive story....

A not so positive one is my cousins wife who has Huntingdons Disease and who has also been reported for alcohol issues.....she isn't drunk....she's ill.

JenBehavingBadly Thu 30-Jan-14 08:21:26

If it's not a regular occurrence the reporting her is way OTT.

I'm go smacked that folk would think of reporting a one off. Is life really that dull?

LiberalLibertine Thu 30-Jan-14 08:23:46

Yes, and can't diabetes smell like alcohol on the breath?

If it's a one off and she spoke to the teacher I'd mind my own business.

Shlurpbop Thu 30-Jan-14 08:25:15

I would be having a quiet word with teacher and confirming that the mother does not have uncontrolled diabetes first.
There was a 'fallen over drunk' man in our local town once. Everyone ignored, looked disgusted etc.
Turned out he had diabetes and had gone hypo - think that's the correct term .
Anyway, it can make you look, sound and smell drunk.

Shlurpbop Thu 30-Jan-14 08:26:02

Ooh, great minds liberal !

FederationPresidentBarryFife Thu 30-Jan-14 08:26:40

smelling of beer (but not being rolling drunk) long term is far more cause for concern IMO than a one off staggering drunk. One indicates a long term issue the other is UNUSUAL - it must be or the OP wouldn't have noticed it. So I say - butt out.

LittleBearPad Thu 30-Jan-14 08:31:12

If she was as wobbly as you say and was talking to the teacher they will have noticed. If it's a regular occurrence the school will have noticed.

So it really isn't any of your business is it. And Slurpbop why would a teacher disclose medical information about another parent. That would be incredibly unprofessional.

Joysmum Thu 30-Jan-14 08:35:20

I'm another one who'd be keeping an eye out and reporting only if it wasn't a one off.

Thatisall Thu 30-Jan-14 08:35:43

I was actually thinking about this the other day. I used to meet a friend every Thursday on my day off, for lunch. We'd have a glass of wine. Then if go and pick up dd. I don't drive so that wasn't an issue but I wonder if you could smell alchohol. And I tended to be in high spirits as it was my day off, I'd just been laughing with my friend and I'm a high spirited kind of person. I wonder of anyone ever thought I was a drinker??

That said if this lady was, as you say, wobbling around, that suggests she was very drunk. I would speak to the teacher and leave it at that. As others have said, perhaps something happened that day and she hasn't any support to collect her dc. It's still not good but the school are better equipped to make decisions.

midnightagents Thu 30-Jan-14 08:38:28

:/ I often have a pint or two before picking dd up, in fact there is a pub next to the nursery she goes to- which I regularly see mums smoking outside of (presumably whilst drinking inside) before pick up.

I didn't realise this was such a big deal! Must have different standards down our part of the world wink

Songofsixpence Thu 30-Jan-14 08:39:37

If it was the first time I'd noticed I'd not be doing anything. She spoke to the teacher who will have noticed and will know if it's a regular thing.

I went out for lunch before Christmas, I had 1 white wine spritzer and 1 glass of Pimms. The combination of not being the worlds biggest drinker with drinking at lunchtime meant it affected me. I wasn't fall down pished but I was a bit wobbly on my feet (I wasn't picking my kids up)

If it was that obvious to you from a distance then I am pretty certain it was obvious to the teacher she spoke to. I don't thing you need to do anything.

Think not thing

LEMmingaround Thu 30-Jan-14 08:46:26

Are you sure she wasn't diabetic? Did anyone ask her if she was ok?

MeepMeepVrooooom Thu 30-Jan-14 08:47:05

YWBU to report. You have no idea why she had had a drink. She spoke to a teacher, if there was cause for concern they would report.

MeepMeepVrooooom Thu 30-Jan-14 08:51:56

Also, if you were close enough to smell the alcohol why not just ask if she'd had a nice day? You may have found out she had a nice child free lunch, or a multitude of other things.

I've got to say, there is a difference between genuine concern and maliciously reporting someone.

Lonecatwithkitten Thu 30-Jan-14 09:03:42

Being a separated parent with a child whose other parent drinks a lot I can tell you that it is very hard and one single report is not sufficient to do something about being drunk and caring for children.
Concerns need to be raised over a period of time, evidence needs to be gathered and often until a child discloses to an independent adult a fear there is very little that can be done.
Once you are at the level that something can be done it becomes really, really horrible for everybody involved.

I have picked my children up when tipsy.

I often have a long wee and then sober up, it's very annoying on a night out.

I recover very quickly when I eat something as well.

So, as said, it depends on whether it is regular, then it would be worth mentioning it to the teacher.

Once in a while, is fine. I have left celebrations/leaving do's/wakes, picked up my children and dropped them off at my Mums/friends, then gone back out again.

It's less of a problem than sitting that night as a LP getting drunk in the house, as I know many do.

If it was a problem, all of the holiday/chalet/camping type places would close, because practically every parent drinks, with children in tow.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Thu 30-Jan-14 09:14:56

So it would be ok if a teacher had a glass of wine or two at lunch time 'as a one off?'
Or a child minder reeking of booze when you go to pick your child up?

Didn't think so.

Don't presume the teacher noticed OP, have a word with her tomorrow. If the woman was smelling of booze then it sounds like it was more than just a glass at lunchtime.

littleblackno Thu 30-Jan-14 09:14:58

Since when is it illegal to be drunk and in charge of a child? How is that policed? I think that a huge number of parent would be in trouble if that were enforced.

I agree to mind your own business unless you think its a regular thing, then raise your concerns with the school.

piklepants Thu 30-Jan-14 09:15:20

Lol birds at have a long wee and then sober up!! Thanks I can see the general consensus here is leave it or mention to teacher and let them deal with it. Out of curiosity what will their protocol be? Once or twice with good reason ok? But not regularly? And maybe if other parents were noticing and mentioning then

piklepants Thu 30-Jan-14 09:15:39

They would take it further?

littleblackno Thu 30-Jan-14 09:16:54

dame there is a huge difference between someone being paid to look after your child drinking and making the judgement as a parent to have a glass of wine.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Thu 30-Jan-14 09:20:32

One glass of wine is unlikely to have you staggering at the school gates and reeking of booze.

MeepMeepVrooooom Thu 30-Jan-14 09:21:31

Dame get a grip. Can you not see the massive difference?

Gileswithachainsaw Thu 30-Jan-14 09:22:13

Have you met my mother dame

She gets "merry" on one glass grin

If someone hasn't eaten it would affect them more.

MeepMeepVrooooom Thu 30-Jan-14 09:23:45

Even if she had 3 so what? I was in charge of DD at my birthday party and drank more than that.

Alcohol has different affects on different people.

SaucyJack Thu 30-Jan-14 09:24:58

I can only assume this thread is a wind-up.

Someone turned up to school after a pub lunch. Woo fucking hoo.

Lagoonablue Thu 30-Jan-14 09:25:08

It is a criminal offence to be drunk in charge of child and has been for a long time. Doesn't matter how it can be policed. It is a law.

I can't believe that people are saying it is not OPs business or instead suggesting people try and some sort of assessment themselves. It is a child safeguarding issue. The correct response would be to tell the school.

This happened at our school. The police were called by the head.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Thu 30-Jan-14 09:29:37

Giles-actually I'm the same but I wouldn't be smelling so strongly of booze other people could smell it.

I'm horrified people think this is acceptable. It's not ok to rock up to the school gates pissed or even slightly tipsy.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Thu 30-Jan-14 09:31:12

Meep-I have a grip thankssmile

There isn't a difference imo, you are still in charge of a small child and shouldn't be pissed.

growingolddicustingly Thu 30-Jan-14 09:31:55

As others have mentioned up thread it may be that the woman has a medical condition, perhaps diabetes. I know from experience with my late DH and his DSis that this can happen. Poor DSis almost got a reputation as the town lush because her diabetes and MS combined made her fall over and smell drunk.

Tailtwister Thu 30-Jan-14 09:33:07

If she was obviously under the influence to you, I'm sure the teacher noticed. Tbh I wouldn't do anything, especially if it was a one off. This thread has really made me think, as I'm planning a lunch out with a friend tomorrow and although I won't be having more than one glass of wine, I may well still smell of alcohol. Don't want to cause gossip at the school gates!

Gileswithachainsaw Thu 30-Jan-14 09:33:22

I repeat NO ONE has said it's ok.

Just that there might be extenuating circumstances. And unless it happens again to keep out.

MeepMeepVrooooom Thu 30-Jan-14 09:33:44

Oh dear I am planning to break the law sevraleral times over the next month or so. Shall I hand myself in now or have a bloody good time first?

I doubt that is an enforceable law where I am. Us Scots drink daily jist tae keep warm grin

Katnisscupcake Thu 30-Jan-14 09:35:17

It could be that she'd been out for lunch and had arranged for someone else to collect the child, but for some reason they had to let her down so there could have been no alternative than for her to go and pick up the child?

Unless it's a regular occurrence, I would give her the benefit of the doubt. There may well be someone else at home who can look after the child once they get back.

JakeBullet Thu 30-Jan-14 09:36:31

I think the key issue here is that the woman appeared drunk and smelt of alcohol. That IS a safeguarding issue.....hopefully if it was that obvious then the school would have had a chat with children's social care about what to do next. You cannot presume anything of the factors when children die is that people presumed x had reported or passed certain information on when X might not have done.

This mother might just have been out for lunch had one too many and decided not to drive to pick her child up.....there might be someone at home who is sober too.

On the other hand she might have a real issue and the child might be going home to chaos, no tea and fending for himself.

It is not your job to wonder which you DO have a duty to this child though if you are unsure. Safeguarding children is everybody's business.....

Contact someone....the school if you don't know who the child is and report it. There will be someone paid to look into this and see if the explanation is simple (just one too many at lunch on this one occasion) or if there is a more deep seated issue.

JakeBullet Thu 30-Jan-14 09:37:44

God I SO want an "Edit post" button so I can add the punctuation I missed out.

Aelfrith Thu 30-Jan-14 09:38:03

Regardless of whether someone is drunk or unwell or very distressed (funeral scenarios mentioned by earlier posters), the school should not be letting a child go with any adult who appears to be incapable of looking after them. If anything happens to the child then the school's judgement would be called into question and quite rightly.

The teacher may be young/inexperienced and not have known what to do. You should report it tot the HT so that it can be followed up and the teachers can be trained in how to handle this situation. (Used to be a teacher, have been in this portion half a dozen times over 20 years).

It's def. safeguarding matter IMHO. I'd expect it to be fully recorded by the CPLO at the school and passed on to children's services.

CockBollocks Thu 30-Jan-14 09:41:20

We sadly have an alchoholic mother at our school.
Some have tried to help her (not ended well) most avoid. The school are well aware but I don't think there is a great deal they can do. They quite often refuse to release the children unless she gets someone else to collect.

I suspect if she has a real problem they know already.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Thu 30-Jan-14 09:41:51

I agree aelfrith.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Thu 30-Jan-14 09:42:50

Cock-don't you think that is a 'real problem?'

MeepMeepVrooooom Thu 30-Jan-14 09:48:32

OP didn't say she was incapable of looking after the child. She said she was a bit wobbly and smelt of alcohol.

She may have been wobbly for another reason, I look pissed in high heels when I'm stone cold sober. If it was a regular occurrence then fair enough but a one off then no.

And if other Mum's noticed who presumably smelt the alcohol off her too you're telling me a teacher who actually had a conversation with the mother wouldn't?

If you were that concerned did you speak to the mother? I will drink at certain occasions with my daughter in tow but I know my limits and wouldn't drink enough to make me incapable of looking after her. There is a vast difference between being a bit tipsy and being paralytic and incapable of looking after your child.

CockBollocks Thu 30-Jan-14 09:48:42

Yes it is. Horribly sad for the kid, but if you have ever known a high functioning alchoholic it's very difficult.

Unfortunately until someone comes to harm they can't do much sad

hairymonkey Thu 30-Jan-14 09:49:29

I like the idea of the school mum Stasi keeping surveillance and gathering evidence so they can report this disgraceful woman.

A bit wobbly could mean many things, from bouncy and tipsy to laggered. We need a deeper investigation, was she wearing wedges? Did she have red wine teeth or perhaps ale farts? Keep your eyes peeled ladies, parents could be having a drink at lunch time in unknown circumstances at a school near you!!!

CockBollocks Thu 30-Jan-14 09:52:06

Oh, and I don't think a one off is a real problem. Like others have said, who knows what had happened. Just keep an eye and report if you see it again.

Owllady Thu 30-Jan-14 09:58:41

I have picked my son up after having a pub lunch with a couple of glasses of wine but like someone said above, I felt completely paranoid so don't make a habit of it!

One of my old neighbours was one of these drunk on the school run mums sad it was bloody sad

poopooheadwillyfatface Thu 30-Jan-14 10:03:36

I would mention it to the teacher. And I have. A mum who is frequently pissed at pick up time. School were already aware but it is useful for them to know, you don't know what is going on behind the scenes from a safeguarding POV.

I wouldn't worry about anyone looking like they had been drinking once in a blue moon, but this mum was persistently pissed at 3pm - that is not normal or fine IMHO.

CaptainGrinch Thu 30-Jan-14 10:09:39

You can tell the School Stasi by the walk - they have a distinctive shuffle caused by the high "Judgey Pants Wedgie", and have a notebook & pen clasped in their claws....

rainraingoAWAYNEVERCOMEBACK Thu 30-Jan-14 10:09:53

I am exhasuted at the moment, I could have half a shandy and be un steady on my feet.

if your soooo worried why not observe, and perhaps rather than reporting her, reach out and chat to her and be friendly...see how she is....

I understand your concern, but I am full of cold, been up all night with baby, i would look un steady right now.

I find these reporting threads sad, rather than - should I reach out and chat to her, be friend her and so on...

CaptainGrinch Thu 30-Jan-14 10:10:19

Does anyone else now fancy going for a pint before they pick the kids up?

MeepMeepVrooooom Thu 30-Jan-14 10:12:08

CaptainGrinch Jealous of you bunch of lushes my DD isn't at school yet. My time will come smile

FloweryFeatureWall Thu 30-Jan-14 10:12:55

I'm surprised by how many people are saying it's none of OPs business. Isn't the safety of children everybody's business? hmm OP has no way of knowing if it's a one off or if this is just the one time she's noticed and it's not her responsibility to keep quiet and keep an eye out for next time. She should mention it to the teacher as they may be keeping a record of similar incidents and this may be the incident that means a report is made. The teacher may have already noticed the situation anyway but it's better to be safe than sorry. Playing the maybe game is a bit risky when it comes to protecting children.

SaucyJack Thu 30-Jan-14 10:19:02

Absolutely FeatureWall

I just dispute however that a one-off boozy lunch is an "incident" in the first place.

Neitheronethingortheother Thu 30-Jan-14 10:19:23

Do some people spend their life just going around reporting other people. Not saying you op but if I reported half the things I saw that went agains the way I parented I would have time for nothing else. I don't drink at all and I might raise an eyebrow at a parent who was collecting their child under the influence but if I knew them I would probably make conversation with them. My first thought when I see someone struggling with parenting or anything is how can I help them, what can I do? It is never who can I repor them to. I dont live in the UK but it seems that there is a real reporting culture atm or maybe it is only on MN that people advise it so much. Is it a backlash from a time when everyone minded their own business and children were overlooked? It does seem ott to me but I guess its different from country to country and culture to culture.

MeepMeepVrooooom Thu 30-Jan-14 10:29:02

I agree, people seem quicker to report a situation that they don't even know is recurring one rather than saying. Hey how you doing? You got time for a coffee?

rainraingoAWAYNEVERCOMEBACK Thu 30-Jan-14 10:29:58

My first thought when I see someone struggling with parenting or anything is how can I help them, what can I do? It is never who can I repor them to

This is what I cant grasp Neither, its like we are turning into a fascist, socialist state where we would rather report each other and police each other than simply talk and see whats going on with each other.

rainraingoAWAYNEVERCOMEBACK Thu 30-Jan-14 10:32:08

My neighbour was smashed once and I raised an eyebrow her kids were going crazy in my garden, then another neighbour said her grandparent had just died just dont know what people are going through.

I am all for looking out for the child, you may talk to the parent and find out its even worse than you thought and definalty needs reporting, but why not first of all just try and chat?

" hello, I am so and so's mum i saw you looking under the weather yesterday are you ok?would you like to go for a coffee?"

rainraingoAWAYNEVERCOMEBACK Thu 30-Jan-14 10:33:15

I like the idea of the school mum Stasi keeping surveillance and gathering evidence so they can report this disgraceful woman

Sorry I missed this, it is like the Stasi...whats wrong with people?

candycoatedwaterdrops Thu 30-Jan-14 10:34:05

A one off is concerning but not a big fat massive red flag problem. I'd mention it to the teacher, just in case, for whatever reason, she didn't notice.

Timetoask Thu 30-Jan-14 10:34:56

So, she got drunk because her grandparent had died?

There is a big alcohol problem in the uk. They use it to relax, they use it to unwind, they use it when they are upset. It's ridiculous.
If you are going to have a child under your care, then do not drink. End of.

It really makes me angry.

Whatisaweekend Thu 30-Jan-14 10:36:09

Don't worry OP, I would be stunned if the school didn't already know. I was in exactly the same situ last year and, on speaking to another mum, discovered that it had already been mentioned and the school were well aware. Is her child in yr child's year? Could you extend the hand of friendship? Maybe she is unhappy/in need of a friend...

MeepMeepVrooooom Thu 30-Jan-14 10:37:02

Timetotask why should zero alcohol be consumed? Presumably responsibly parent know their limits. Do you drink ever?

Say "Hello, how are you? Have you had a nice day?"
Start a conversation, give her a chance to tell you if it was a special occasion and she had been out for lunch, or if she had had an unusually tough day or got some bad news.

MeepMeepVrooooom Thu 30-Jan-14 10:43:14

Mrs Cakes - bang on.

kohl Thu 30-Jan-14 10:44:03

I wish someone had spoken to one of my teachers when my mother turned up stinking of booze to collect me. But then I wish the school would have done something when she turned up incoherent and falling over at parents' evenings. It might have saved me from years of emotional, physical and sexual abuse.

I think people making light of the situation on this thread are lovely people, who can't imagine how a mother can potentially treat her children. The fact is, yes, she could have had a celebratory lunch/bad news/one drink and feeling a bit tipsy etc. But there's the possibility that there's something else going on, and if there is, her children deserve someone to notice and help them.

I would keep an eye out for her, start a conversation asking if she's ok, as others have suggested and if it happens again, mention it to the school.

I am boggling at the idea that no parent must ever, ever drink any alcohol. How old must my DCs be before I can have a glass of wine with much meal with a clear conscience?

Goodness me, I can hardly see through the glare of halos!

OP has not answered the question as to whether this is a frequent occurence or a one off.

If it's a one off then I can't see what all the fuss is about....she may have been out for lunch, she may have been to a wake, she wasn't driving - seriously, I am sure everyone of us at some point has had a drink whilst looking after their kids. Friday night is my drink night and in the summer there are plenty of BBQ'sin the day time, with, god forbid, alcohol.

My mum had a neurological condition called Ataxia - this made her very wobbly on her feet and she also felt very sick. I remember once in Spain walling along the prom with her and she felt very sick and had to vomit in a bush - embarassing for her at the best of times, let alone with staring judging arseholes watching her - thinking she was drunk no doubt.

Bubble80 Thu 30-Jan-14 10:53:13

That could have been me last year OP. I had just buried a close relative and the funeral was early on. I was home in time to collect the kids from school. I had had a couple of drinks, am a lightweight but people probably noticed. It was a one off. Yabu without knowing circumstance. If she turns up daily like this yanbu. Butt out.

rainraingoAWAYNEVERCOMEBACK Thu 30-Jan-14 10:53:25

Maybe its why she was talking to the teacher to say " i have just buried my husband" or something.

Khol I agree with everything you say, I am not naive, sadly and know all to well the problems of alchol and children, however even you say, talk to her and make a conversation with her....

if this was, I always see this mum coming in drunk, yes say something but aon e `

FloweryFeatureWall Thu 30-Jan-14 10:57:39

saucy, the whole point is OP doesn't know if it's a one off boozy lunch. It's just the one time she's seen her drunk. It doesn't mean she hasn't done it before. Do you check out every other parent daily at pickup? Everyone is bleating about it being a one off so it's not a big deal when no one knows if it was or not. And the stuff about keeping an eye out and chatting to her to see it she's okay is ridiculous. Alcoholics can't lie and cover their tracks? That's a new one.

Just mention it to the school. If they already have concerns, this will help them get a better picture. If they don't, they can keep an eye from their position of responsibility to check it doesn't happen again.

frugalfuzzpig Thu 30-Jan-14 11:00:12

A one off I wouldn't do anything, a regular occurrence I would

MeepMeepVrooooom Thu 30-Jan-14 11:01:34

If she had said this woman always comes drunk the response on this thread would be entirely different. The fact of the matter is OP has not addressed the many PPs asking, which makes me think it was a one off and the judgypants were out in full force at those school gates.

If she goes to talk to her today and she is wobbly and /or reeks of booze then she'll know that it wasn't one off.

Timetoask Thu 30-Jan-14 11:02:20

MeepMeep: There is a difference between having one glass of wine with food and having a bit of a breath, and being wobbly on your feet (like OP describes). In answer to your question I drink maybe once a month or so, but not to the point of being drunk. When I go out with friends I drink a bit more, but always in the knowledge that DH will look after the dc (one of us stays sober).

Topaz25 Thu 30-Jan-14 11:02:52

I don't think being wobbly drunk picking up a child is ever OK, she may not be driving but she needs to be able to supervise him safely. Iw ould leave it to the teacher though, they will have noticed too and they are a mandated reporter.

i don't think it's ever a good idea to be drunk in charge of kids but i haven't rtft and don't know whether this is a regular occurrence or not? obviously if it is, report, but otherwise...

FloweryFeatureWall Thu 30-Jan-14 11:06:27

chaz, and if she doesn't smell or isn't wobbly that means it wasn't? Her not being drunk today doesn't mean it is a one off either. Is OP going to take on the job of checking this woman everyday for the next who knows how long to be sure?

littlewhitebag Thu 30-Jan-14 11:13:22

My DD's school actually serves wine at everything the parents are invited to! It is parents night on Monday and there will probably be wine. I won't have any as i have to drive but i am sure others might.

It is not bad to have a few drinks and collect your children. The only issue would be if the mother was falling down drunk every day and couldn't care for the child adequately but OP has no evidence to suggest this is the case.

Busyoldfool Thu 30-Jan-14 11:14:36

It's January - you have been seeing this family since September I guess. Is the child happy, clean, healthy, well-cared for? Is the mother usually on time, dressed, sober, caring...? Are you really concerned for the child? Or do you just want to report for the satisfaction of it.

Talk to her as other posters have said.

everlong Thu 30-Jan-14 11:14:49

It's not normal though is it, being pissed in the day picking the kids up.

LoveWine Thu 30-Jan-14 11:17:26

My God, I didn't realize we lived in such a controlled state. Why would you report this woman - expressing concern is one thing, reporting her is another. What would expect SS to do - take her kids away because you saw her drunk once. What is this society coming to...

MeepMeepVrooooom Thu 30-Jan-14 11:17:45

As I said, if I'm in heels I can be wobbly on my feet without a drink.

I'm a single Mum so have sole care of my DD but I share a bottle of wine at Sunday dinner on almost a weekly basis with my own Mum. Should her neighbours report me?

I also attended a wedding a few months back and had to leave at around 12am, relatively drunk because my DD wasn't well. I collected her a brought her home because all she wanted was her own bed and her favorite teddy which had been overlooked when packing her clothes. That night I bumped into a neighbour and I explained the situation and the following day she dropped in some homemade soup for DD. Should she have reported me instead, because you know I could have been lying.

Some of the logic on this thread is beyond me. If you don't know what the situation is why would you immediately do something that could prove to result in a stressful situation for the mother and in turn having an adverse affect on the child?

Go to your local pub this week at lunchtime and see the amount of families out having a drink and some lunch with their DC in tow. They may well drink more than one glass of wine, that doesn't render them incapable of looking after their children.

PrincessPeashooter Thu 30-Jan-14 11:20:09

Certainly mention it to the school but then leave it with them to deal with.

FWIW I once received some very bad news during the day and was given a whiskey to settle my nerves. Whiskey makes me stink of alcohol and I was wobbly due to shock. My boss drove me home but if I'd had to go out I'd have looked and smelt like a teetering lush. She spoke to the teacher, if she was pissed she would have avoided getting close so she could just have been informing them of whatever happened in case the children were distressed in school.

Lagoonablue Thu 30-Jan-14 11:25:37

Typical MN. The facts are that a woman was potentially drunk with a child. It should be reported to the school. It is a safeguarding matter. They have procedures, let them use them and the people that are paid to assess these situations will make a decision.

The amount of justifications on this type of thread are worrying. No one is saying her child should be snatched away from her or that people shouldn't drink around children BUT for every logical assumption there are many alternative scenarios. Everything we know from serious case reviews is that lots of people had little bits of information which if pieced together would have raised concerns. Maybe this woman had a glass too many at lunch time or maybe she is a serious alcoholic but it is not for the OP to decide. She had a concern and she should have mentioned it to the school. Don't we all have a duty of care to children. Too much minding of business is not helpful.

Btw turning up at school a bit pissed is not great whatever the circumstances and don't give a fuck it that is 'judgey' or not. If some people judged a bit more we might avoid some serious incidents.

I mentioned a similar incident at our school. Parent turned up a bit drunk. Not falling down but smelling of booze. School wouldn't and are not allowed to release a child into their parents care in such a case. Police and SS called. Turns out there is serious alcohol abuse in this family and neglect. Kids AND parents now getting support and the help they need.

meditrina Thu 30-Jan-14 11:26:02

Unless you think the teacher she was talking to has defective powers of observation or no concern for pupil welfare, then I wouldn't do anything about it on this occasion.

If it was a frequent occurrence, then I'd reach a different conclusion. And MrsCakes suggestion of chatting to her from time to time is probably the most helpful short term option.

The parent in question spoke to a teacher so a member of staff is aware of the state she was in because they interacted directly with her.

JakeBullet Thu 30-Jan-14 12:06:55

For those who suggested extending the hand of friendship to this woman. Yes that is a fabulous idea too.....but IF she has an alcohol problem it still doesn't remove the safeguarding issue.

She might be able to talk to someone about it all if the friendship becomes close enough but that does not change anything for the child if things are bad at home.

I am frankly astonished that people would ignore this and think it none if their business. Honestly? This is why children die sometimes.....because everyone ignored it.

littlewhitebag Thu 30-Jan-14 12:10:18

lagoonblue Being drunk in charge of a child really is not a safeguarding issue and i say that as a child protection SW. If a mother is regularly turning up falling down drunk and there are other signs of neglect then maybe, but not as a one off.

In this case a teacher spoke directly to the parent in question and would have made a judgement call on how capable she was. We do not know what conversation was had between teacher and parent and how it was left. On this occasion the OP should just leave it.

MeepMeepVrooooom Thu 30-Jan-14 12:27:54

Well why didn't you say? I'm calling social services to the next wedding I attend. They will have a field day.

pictish Thu 30-Jan-14 12:29:58


meditrina Thu 30-Jan-14 12:36:12

Jake I hadn't intended to suggest friendship would 'remove' a potential alcohol-related safeguarding issue. Rather to provide opportunities to spot if there is one. Or not. Or perhaps something else. And a chance to make a genuine new friend and knit the school community a bit closer.

JakeBullet Thu 30-Jan-14 12:45:30

True....always good to do this.

ColdTeaAgain Thu 30-Jan-14 12:46:40

Am amazed at how many people are shrugging something like this off as nothing or none of their business. How is picking a child up from school drunk ok, in any circumstance?

If it were medically related then one would assume this behaviour had been noticed before?
Maybe the woman usually drinks later in the day but for some reason started earlier that day? She could be drunk every night for all we know! OR it may of just been a one off and she had arranged someone else to collect children and had been let down, not great but hardly the workds biggest crime. We just don't know!

BUT I always think gut instinct is a marvellous thing. If there is something niggling that makes you think there is a cause for concern then say something to the teacher she was talking to. Surely if all the tragic stories over recent years have taught us anything then its better to be safe than sorry.

Lagoonablue Thu 30-Jan-14 12:51:12

Disagree. White flag. I too work in area of child safeguarding and IMO if there is an issue then someone should deal with it. If the OP saw that the teacher was speaking to the mother then I guess she might be satisfied something was being noted and may choose not to say anything but is she had then that is OK.

It is actually a safeguarding issue in the broadest terms. Drunk in charge of a child is a criminal offence as has been pointed out. Fair enough reacher sees parent, makes a judgement, acts or not. That is someone following safeguarding procedures.

Lagoonablue Thu 30-Jan-14 12:52:16

Sorry should read littlewhitebag.

babybarrister Thu 30-Jan-14 12:54:03

You should report them - if it is a one-off - which IMO is not acceptable in any event - then mother will be given a slap on the hand and the issue will be noted which will make repetition much less likely ....

JackNoneReacher Thu 30-Jan-14 12:56:06

Gosh I'm glad Social services weren't at the last school fair. Most of the parents left with mulled wine breath at the very least. School seemed happy to let the children go though.

When people say it's not ok to be drunk in charge of a child what do they mean? No alcohol at all if a child is in the house? Is it ok if they're in bed? Or if you can still drive?

Good job I always remember to have some chewing gum on the (incredibly rare) occasion I do the pick up after a glass of wine at lunchtime.

JackNoneReacher Thu 30-Jan-14 13:00:50

Oh I think I've answered my own question (partly).

Seems its against the law to be drunk in charge of a child under 7

Not sure what's meant by 'drunk' though.

Tokyocalling Thu 30-Jan-14 13:03:12

As a one off I wouldn't report this. But I would make sure the teacher was aware, to lookout for any future episodes.

kungfupannda Thu 30-Jan-14 13:14:32

If this is the first time, then no, I don't think you should report it. If you've seen her obviously drunk on multiple occasions then you should probably speak to the school who will have more information than you.

I don't drink during the day, except at weddings etc, as it affects me more than in the evening, for some reason. I'm also very up and down with my alcohol tolerance - sometimes I can drink 2 large glasses of wine and be fine, and other times I can have a few sips and feel drunk.

I could quite easily look wobbly on half a glass of wine on a low-tolerance day.

ColdTeaAgain Thu 30-Jan-14 13:57:28

Exactly kungfu. Everyone has different tolerance levels, one glass of wine will make some people pretty unsteady, whilst another person wouldn't even notice it. That doesn't mean it's ok for the person with a low tolerance to do it just because other people can have a drink and still be fine to go about their daily tasks.

littlewhitebag Thu 30-Jan-14 13:58:45

lagoonablue I work in Scotland but as i understand it safeguarding is the same as i would call child protection? Maybe i have got that wrong. But under those terms being drunk in charge of a child is not an issue. Maybe in England safeguarding covers a broader remit?

As you correctly point out the teacher has spoken to this parent and made a judgement. Perhaps she has reported this herself if she had a concern.

Sillylass79 Thu 30-Jan-14 14:08:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bochead Thu 30-Jan-14 14:18:36

Be careful - I have diabetic friends who can appear drunk when they need their meds/a mars bar. The teacher is in a position to know that via school records, you are not.

I'd have a quiet word with the school as a report like this for someone who is actually ill could cause untold damage. That way you aren't causing trouble for the sake of it, but you are looking out for the kids welfare iyswim.

Lagoonablue Thu 30-Jan-14 14:20:02

Yes in England safeguarding covers the full spectrum but includes child protection. I agree with you that this incident wouldn't necessarily need a full follow up, maybe but depends on info received.

Lagoonablue Thu 30-Jan-14 14:22:13

Yes silly lass, there seems to be a misconception that children's social care dive in for the smallest thing. As you show things have to be really wretched for serious intervention. Unfortunately IMO.

formerbabe Thu 30-Jan-14 14:33:51

I am on medication that can make me very drowsy...I am really paranoid that other parents on the school run might think I am drunk. Don't jump to conclusions.

Kewcumber Thu 30-Jan-14 14:39:19

Am amazed at how many people are shrugging something like this off as nothing or none of their business. How is picking a child up from school drunk ok, in any circumstance?

Oh dear

I went out for a very rare very boozy lunch last year and was certainly over the limit (I caught the bus because I knew I was), I would even describe myself as tipsy.

Shall I report myself?

Thebluedog Thu 30-Jan-14 14:49:27

I'd speak to the school about it. My bil has diabetes and sometimes, if he has a wobble, his symptoms can look like he's drunk, (and the smell in his breath isn't dissimilar either) but a drink of fizzy pop sorts him out.

Going around reporting or telling people she's drunk could leave you with egg on your face. I'd have a quite word with the school as a 'concerned parent' as things can sometimes not be as they seem.

Thebluedog Thu 30-Jan-14 14:50:23

Sorry just seen bochead has said something similar below - x post

It's illegal to be drunk while looking after children? ? Thsts me banged up and most mners on the friday night thread!

FanFuckingTastic Thu 30-Jan-14 14:59:03

I'd be more likely to be wobbly on my feet smelling of alcohol when I had a hangover, rather than when I was drunk. Never seem to smell alcohol until the next day, when the very thought makes me feel sick and ...funnily enough... wobbly.

I guess there could be reasons to explain it, and reasons why you should mention it to the school. I don't get the zero tolerance on alcohol if you have kids thing, bit harsh, I can't believe it's against the law.

Bowlersarm Thu 30-Jan-14 15:04:15

Google says it's against the law to bd drunk in charge of a child under 7 in a public place.

But I don't think the immediate course of action is to report her. Many mothers have done this on the odd occasion.

Maybe you could have spoken to her op, and made sure she was ok?

ColdTeaAgain Thu 30-Jan-14 17:19:32

kewcumber The OP described the lady as "wobbly drunk smelling of alcohol" which in my eyes is quite different to being a bit tipsy. No need to be patronising.

Kewcumber Thu 30-Jan-14 17:27:02

what exactly is the difference between being tipsy and drunk confused. My child is over 7 though so I guess I don't need to report myself. There's no need to be patronising but sometimes blanket statements like "How is picking a child up from school drunk ok, in any circumstance?" should be challenged and I'm a passive aggressive kinda gal.

I don;t think its OK to be incapacitated but a one off wobble because of a birthday lunch is a bit differnt to turning up once a week slurring your words and unable to walk straight.

Personally I wouldn't worry as the person in question was talking to a teacher. It would have been obvious to the teacher whether there was a problem.

Speeding is also illegal and dangerous - would you report someone for speeding? Probably not unless they did it regularly and you thought it was a problem I would guess.

ColdTeaAgain Thu 30-Jan-14 17:35:09

OK well I see tipsy as when you have just started to feel the alcohol i.e. well before you get to the point where you're wobbly on your feet, whereas I see drunk as 'one too many', unable to function normally, etc etc. That is not a fit state to pick a child up from school. I am not saying that anyone at the school gates who's had one or two at lunch should be reported to SS immediately!

weregoingtothezoo Thu 30-Jan-14 19:31:07

I had my daughter removed from me because of a persistent alcohol problem and I think turning up under the influence at school is a very late sign. As for a one off? - I don't know, maybe that's more common than I'd realised but when I've been for eg work Christmas lunches people off to pick up children didn't drink. I don't know much about normal behaviour around alcohol but a fair bit about abnormal behaviour.

Schools should not release the child - in certain schools this is a fairly frequent occurrence as there is such a proportion of children coming from homes where substance including alcohol are a problem. For some schools, this is more a theoretical scenario when they get sat down to do their safeguarding training, so they're a bit less likely to go, hold on, no you don't take that child in that state...

When my drinking was becoming a problem and I was full of fear, and denial, and worry, I would go to great lengths to conceal it - I think that is common for people with a problem. It never became visible at nursery/ school drop offs. I would be really quite worried about someone turning up in this state mainly for this reason.

did you get your daughter back zoo?

rabbitlady Thu 30-Jan-14 20:34:49

absolutely essential to mention it to the school formally, in person not in writing.
also inform social services, if you can identify the mother and give the address.
it is not ok to be drunk in charge of a child, even once, despite what other posters seem to think.

Coldlightofday Thu 30-Jan-14 20:40:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaucyJack Thu 30-Jan-14 20:44:09

When my drinking was becoming a problem and I was full of fear, and denial, and worry, I would go to great lengths to conceal it - I think that is common for people with a problem. It never became visible at nursery/ school drop offs. I would be really quite worried about someone turning up in this state mainly for this reason.

You're contradicting yourself there dudey. It's equally possible that she turned up "in that state" quite simply because she doesn't have a drink problem to hide.

Coldlightofday Thu 30-Jan-14 20:45:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JenBehavingBadly Thu 30-Jan-14 20:56:20

^absolutely essential to mention it to the school formally, in person not in writing.
also inform social services, if you can identify the mother and give the address.
it is not ok to be drunk in charge of a child, even once, despite what other posters seem to think.^


Oh... you're not actually being funny are you.

NCISaddict Thu 30-Jan-14 21:02:00

Blimey, I'm glad no one was around when my DC's were at primary school. I didn't do it often but have had the odd boozy lunch, no idea if I was wobbly because no one reported me but I certainly couldn't and didn't drive. There was always someone else, generally DH, with me and DC's were perfectly safe.
As an occasional happening I would not even give it a second thought and certainly wouldn't contemplate reporting it.

Coldlightofday Thu 30-Jan-14 21:03:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frumpet Thu 30-Jan-14 21:10:29

I am a bit wobbly if i wear anything above a one inch heel , its nice you noticed OP and by all means keep a beady eye out for future occurances , maybe even speak to a teacher .

JenBehavingBadly Thu 30-Jan-14 21:10:53

Maybe they'd offer a salty snack?

Coldlightofday Thu 30-Jan-14 21:14:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JenBehavingBadly Thu 30-Jan-14 21:14:56

Cheese and grapes?

SaucyJack Thu 30-Jan-14 21:17:13

Maybe a complementary Marlboro Light?

Coldlightofday Thu 30-Jan-14 21:17:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JenBehavingBadly Thu 30-Jan-14 21:19:08

Pah! Now you're being ridiculous.

Budget cuts to the public services mean you'd be offered a roly and possibly only even twos on that.

Marlboro Lights indeed.

JenBehavingBadly Thu 30-Jan-14 21:19:31

grin Kebabs!

rabbitlady Thu 30-Jan-14 21:20:08

Oh... you're not actually being funny are you.

mousmous Thu 30-Jan-14 21:20:31

blimey, this is really weird.
so many parents admitting to having a problem with alkohol.
personally I don't drink, I don't mind people having a limited amount, but getting drunk is such a waste (of money, time, memories).

imo the op should talk to the school/the teacher. if the mother has a medical problem that might already be noted. and if not it might be part of a bigger case.

JenBehavingBadly Thu 30-Jan-14 21:22:13

oh come on rabbitlady. If you're going to come out with that kind of pompous toss, you should expect to be called on it.

Coldlightofday Thu 30-Jan-14 21:24:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dromedary Thu 30-Jan-14 21:26:07

So fed up with the people who want to report mums to SS if there's the slightest sign of imperfect parenting. And who assume that they know better than trained school staff. I just hope that someone makes that cowardly anonymous call to SS the moment they have a bad day. They rarely seem to be the person who goes up to the mum who's had too much to drink, or is tired and frazzled, or who is in a terrible state because her DH has just left, etc etc and has a chat and maybe offers to help out.

CherryRainbowwitch Thu 30-Jan-14 21:44:23

i had an experience just like this very recently. A mum at my dd's school turned up drunk and wobbly to pick her son up. i know she was drunk because i spoke to her to check she was ok. she said she had found out a family member had died so had drowned her sorrows. she told me she had been worried about the teacher so had stood back and not said anything.

My first though was not oh i must phone social services it was, i must make sure they are both OK. i took them both home (opposite direction to mine) checked she had someone with her and gave her my mobile number. My concern at that time was that mum was ok and there was someone to look after her son.

however the next day i did take the teacher aside and inform her what had happened. i did this not because i wanted to interfere but for the sake of my own conscience. the school have it on record and if any thing else happens they will be able to take action and make sure mum and child receive any help they might need.

i honestly dont understand peoples need to stand back and judge. if someone needs help. help them its not rocket science.

if everyone was less selfish i am pretty sure the world wouldn't be in the state it is now.

HowardTJMoon Thu 30-Jan-14 21:46:18

It's an offence to be drunk in a public place with a child under seven. Right or wrong, that's the law.

For what it's worth my ex used to turn up drunk to pick up our DCs from school. The teachers had apparently noticed it but done nothing. They didn't even mention it to me. I only found out once Social Services finally got involved (via another route) and it came out during the case conference.

WilsonFrickett Thu 30-Jan-14 21:48:42

Apparently I was sort of rocking back and forward in the playground this morning. One of my friends came over and snapped me out of it. I was very cold and miles away and was just... Wobbling.

Otoh my other friends boss was really wobbly and shaky when I popped by her office at lunchtime. But he has MS.

jellymaker Thu 30-Jan-14 21:52:21

Sorry m.s. sufferer here. Often wobbly on my feet. Have had lots of weird looks over the years. A number of comments etc. you should be sure of your facts before you get involved. Short of turning up with my stick at school gate every dAy which I know my kids wouldn't want, I 'm guessing a lot people have thought I am pissed.

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 30-Jan-14 22:02:41

If someone was drunk to the point of it being a problem I would describe it as being pissed as arseholes,

To me wobbly means the same as slightly tipsy but not what would be described as actually drunk.

Perhaps if the op comes back she can clarify what she means

weregoingtothezoo Fri 31-Jan-14 06:57:41

SaucyJack apologies, I thought I had made that clear - either, she is not embarrassed like a number of posters on this thread and thinks a one off is fine, OR it's a relatively late sign in a progressive condition. Depends whether you want to take the risk. And dudey?? Did you mean that to sound quite so rude??

Vampyre no, I didn't.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Fri 31-Jan-14 07:15:50

Coldlightofday- some teachers are good like that, some are useless, that's why it's important to mention it. As someone said up thread this is how kids can slip through the net because everyone presumes something is being done.

mygrandchildrenrock Fri 31-Jan-14 07:20:23

I'm intrigued that you don't think the teacher didn't report it. How do you know she didn't walk away from the parent and go and report it to the safeguarding officer at the school, if that wasn't in fact herself.
Teacher's make professional judgements every day but don't usually advertise the fact.

JakeBullet Fri 31-Jan-14 07:38:14

jelly my cousin's wife has Huntingdons Disease.......people think she is drunk at times too but she isn't sad.

In this case though not only did the Mum look drunk, she smelt strongly of alcohol.

The OP doesn't HAVE to contact SS, she can speak in private to the school and say she noticed and was concerned. She can even reach out the hand of friendship to the Mum as well.

Doing nothing though is not an option.....too many children suffer because everyone assumes that someone else is dealing with it. Try talking to the adult survivors of an alcoholic parent......most if not all will tell you it was awful and that they have their own ongoing problems as a result.

SaucyJack Fri 31-Jan-14 09:24:07

And dudey?? Did you mean that to sound quite so rude??

Eh? Would you prefer cunt next time?

LiberalLibertine Fri 31-Jan-14 10:25:43

Sorry to hear that zoo sad

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