AIBU to want to throttle this man?

(45 Posts)
KateSpade Mon 27-Jan-14 19:38:22

HR manager walks past my desk today and enquiries if I am busy, I have met and spoken to this man several times, infact when I was suspended (epilepsy if you remember the thread) he was telling me what a brilliant job I have been doing. Clearly bollocks as I'm not sure he knows who I am? The conversation went like this:

Man: keeping you busy I see, how's things going?
Me: we'll, thank you but if you have any work you would like me to get on with, please sent it down as I have done Xxx & Xxxx so my work for today is nearly finished.
Man: excuse me?
Me: sorry, I just meant -
Man Do you know who I am? I'm not sure if we've met I am Xxxxxx how dare you speak to me in this manner, you are clearly wasting your time and mine don't you ever speak to me again you stupid little girl.

Then flounced off.

Am I right in thinking WTH? If you have a boss who is hard to deal with, please share your tips & wisdom.

Currently sad

tinyturtletim Mon 27-Jan-14 19:39:47


YouTheCat Mon 27-Jan-14 19:40:24

Well he doesn't sound like a very good HR manager if that's how he talks to people and the fact that he clearly misunderstood what you had said.

I wouldn't worry about it.

PollyCazaletWannabe Mon 27-Jan-14 19:40:47

To he honest he sounds unhinged.

Joules68 Mon 27-Jan-14 19:40:48

He really said that?

Don't let it drop...

KateSpade Mon 27-Jan-14 19:46:13

One thing that makes me feel slightly better is that he's the same with everyone. He has a few apprentices working for him & he treats them like shit. Straight out of school, i wonder how they cope tbh.

Trust me to end up with the worst job in the world.

I bet he'll fire me for this, you know.

Calling someone a "stupid little girl" in the workplace is never acceptable, I would take this further.

He said "you stupid little girl"?! Those exact words?! Get him fired.

matildamatilda Mon 27-Jan-14 19:53:49

I have seen some tantrums at work but "stupid little girl"?

You've absolutely got to make a complaint.

I agree he sounds unhinged. Or maybe drunk?

Please don't let this slide.

DoctorTwo Mon 27-Jan-14 19:59:39

I'm not violent. Well, not usually, but this utter clopper would get throat punched fo' sho'.

KittyAndTheFontanelles Mon 27-Jan-14 19:59:40

Definitely take it further.

Unless I'm missing something his response was not only inappropriate and disproportionate but also didn't make sense with regard to what you had said confused

Do not let him speak to you like that.

Shakey1500 Mon 27-Jan-14 20:01:54

Ye Gads shock

Did anyone else hear this? Just to clarify he actually said "You stupid little girl"?

Why on earth would you think you'd be fired? confused

I'd absolutely be escalating this.

matildamatilda Mon 27-Jan-14 20:09:33

Have you been bullied there for a long time?

I ask because your reaction seems strange, if I'm brutally honest. I appreciate you're in shock--I would be too!--but he says this to you and you're afraid you'll be fired?

Most of the time bullies are sneakier than this. If a man said this to me at work I'd be upset but I'd also be like, "Wow, you poor bastard, you are so going to regret that."

KateSpade Mon 27-Jan-14 20:12:16

Yeah, their was someone else 'babysitting' me as I'm not allowed to be alone. He's the second in command and I wasn't ass licking asking for more work, I just didn't want to sit doing nothing for three hours.

He's absolutely untouchable. Tbh, I was trying to get on his good side.

& if he takes a disliking to someone they mysteriously disappear from the company, it's happened to everyone from finance directors to your bog-standard admin staff which is what I am.

KateSpade Mon 27-Jan-14 20:14:14

& yes Matilda, my line manager is also being a twat, but not in such an obvious way.

A relative of mine works their & he was the first person to suggest I was being bullied by certain staff members.

matildamatilda Mon 27-Jan-14 20:22:56

So call your union or ACAS tomorrow. A guy who calls you "stupid little girl" at work has really done himself in. People lose their jobs for less.

He's not called Bruce is he hmm

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 27-Jan-14 20:25:25

Very odd behaviour!

I would complain, without a doubt. I remember your other thread.

RandyRudolf Mon 27-Jan-14 20:28:46

Find me an 'in' to your place and I'll sort the cheeky fucker out. I wouldn't stand for that behaviour. I was bullied once in the workplace, never again. It prompted me to go to Uni and study HR.

Tulip26 Mon 27-Jan-14 20:36:49

This is disgusting. He clearly has been getting away with this for a while and thinks he's untouchable. FGS go over his head and complain.

needaholidaynow Mon 27-Jan-14 20:37:26

"Stupid little girl"

This comment gives me the rage!!!! angry

What a complete twat! Thinks he's above you and better than you and important.

Kiss his bloody feet next time hmm

Lambzig Mon 27-Jan-14 20:43:16

Surely he misheard you (not that it makes his comment in any way acceptable). The whole exchange just doesn't make sense. You need to complain if there is someone to complain to.

500internalerror Mon 27-Jan-14 20:45:12

Ok, when I read the op, I read it as "if you have any work you want me to do, you'd better send it down quickly as ive almost finished for the day ie I won't stay longer for you". Which is perhaps why he reacted as he did? It took the whole thread before I understood that you were saying you'd finished what you were on, so you could handle more work.

KateSpade Mon 27-Jan-14 20:47:25

I know, its all total bollocks. I started this job wanting to keep my head down, maybe make a few friends, just earn money whilst deciding which direction i wanted to go in.

but no, nearly all the people i thought were nice/friendly have turned out to be complete back stabbers, line manager, HR staff, co-workers. Out of all the bloody people i have met, their are four i know i can trust.

The thing that annoys me, is the 'Do you know who i am?' i mean, who actually says that?
My response would have been 'yes, i know who you are, you suspended me not so long ago for having epilepsy, or have you forgotten the shit that you've put me through?'
We have also had many face-to-face conversations so he has no excuse to forget me.

KateSpade Mon 27-Jan-14 20:48:14

I hope he did mishear me, then he owes me an apology.

Pilgit Mon 27-Jan-14 21:01:57

I hope you are keeping a record of this including dates, times etc. If you are not a member of a union sign up. From experience (observations) if you make their life difficult you come out of it better off. Make sure you have a copy of procedures. Bloody that of a HR manager

matildamatilda Mon 27-Jan-14 21:10:12

This thread is bizarre.

You're most upset about his asking whether you know him? He owes you an apology because of the misunderstanding in your conversation?

He called you a misogynist insult at your work. That is a big deal. There's loads of free confidential help for you out there.

KateSpade Mon 27-Jan-14 21:14:01

Yes, I've been writing down everything that the particular people have said to me.

& Matilda im not most bothered about whether he knows me, I'm just trying to prove that most of what he says is complete bollocks. Thank you for the link. I think I'm going to book an appointment with a solicitor, just to see where i stand, legally.

Shakey1500 Mon 27-Jan-14 21:14:44

Ye Gads shock

Did anyone else hear this? Just to clarify he actually said "You stupid little girl"?

Why on earth would you think you'd be fired? confused

I'd absolutely be escalating this.

Shakey1500 Mon 27-Jan-14 21:15:21

Sorry, posted twice after an embarrassingly long gap

KateSpade Mon 27-Jan-14 21:52:56

because anyone that gets on his nerves just gets the boot.

MrsBradfield Mon 27-Jan-14 22:01:46

My hr manager is also like this with some people, he called a colleague a munchkin iirc, however same colleague also calls my manager a cunt to his face 'in jest' fairly regulary so maybe it's just my workplace?

matildamatilda Mon 27-Jan-14 22:14:38

A woman I worked with had a manager make a similarly shocking remark (think: misogynist and homophobic).

With the out-of-court settlement she was able to retire early.

TaraLott Tue 28-Jan-14 00:22:35

shock How dare very he.

TaraLott Tue 28-Jan-14 00:22:54


TaraLott Tue 28-Jan-14 00:23:26

Oops. smile

MsAspreyDiamonds Tue 28-Jan-14 03:23:20

If your HR manager is a member of CIPD, the HR professional body, then report him for the sexist comment. If he is a difficult person then they may ignore but if you higlighted sexist, racist or any other discriminatory behaviour, then you might get a result. Let him feel the flames of the fire, if he loses his membership then that could only be a good thing.

Speak to ACAS & get advice about how to proceed.

KateSpade Tue 28-Jan-14 10:03:01

I will try & find out if he's a member of CIPD, but I will try and ring up ACAS before I start.

KateSpade Tue 28-Jan-14 11:11:19

Spoke to ACAS & I've got to raise it as a formal grevance, which I'm not sure how to do, but I can imagine its to do with HR, which makes it more awkward as all the HR staff hate me or are the knobhead man.

I think I'm juts gunno have to keep my head down and work on finding another job.

BlueGoddess Tue 28-Jan-14 11:20:24

Your grievance procedure should be in your contact of employment or your company handbook. Please don't let it go - you deserve far better than this, and by backing down you're letting them get away with it!

matildamatilda Tue 28-Jan-14 21:37:50

Oh for pete's sake.

Look in your employee handbook. If there's no formal procedure, then write a letter to the HR dependent just briefly describing the incident and saying, "I write to raise a formal grievance." Of course keep a copy for yourself.

If they do nothing, then you can take the matter back to ACAS so they can help you escalate it.

Lots of people worked really hard to make sure there are laws in place which mean that women are protected from having to hear misogynist garbage at work. He is going to be in huge trouble for doing this, and rightfully so. But you have to make a little move here.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Tue 28-Jan-14 23:43:45

All phones record. Most do it unnoticeably.

Now, under normal circumstances it's illegal to record without the knowledge of the other party to the conversation, but a recent decision by the Employment Appeals Tribunal Vaughan v. London Borough of Lewisham held that as long as recording and transcripts are made available to the employer, they will be admissible in evidence.

Now rip off his head and shit down his neck.

KateSpade Wed 29-Jan-14 10:49:22

Had a meeting with HR yesterday, after expressing my thought on both the mans comments & my alarm, the man in question emailed me & apologised for 'any offence caused'. I then went back to HR & told them that wasnt good enough. The response I got was 'your not going to get anything else so hold your peace please'

I have booked an appointment with a solicitor on Monday morning & am going to try & take it further., I've never had any problems with any of my previous jobs & the fact that someone would speak to anyone like that at work genuinely surprises me.

My relative at work has said he would have a word with the CEO, who hates any kind of conflict, but I don't want to appear to be running to family members & not sticking up for myself.

Thankyou for all your help/support, it really has made me realise that their is no excuse for me being treated that way!

Gruntfuttock Wed 29-Jan-14 11:13:37

I would want an explanation as to why you asking for more work, as you'd nearly finished the work you were doing, elicited the response this man gave you. It was bizarre, illogical and incredibly aggressive. It's as though he heard completely different words and that makes no sense at all.

KateSpade Wed 29-Jan-14 11:21:41

I know! Last week he made one if the apprentices cry, I don't know what he did or said but I heard her say Xxxxx. Is a wanker!

I left a highly paid job to work here, for logistics reasons, how I wish I bloody hadnt now!

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