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Things you say that make you realise you're a Bad Mum!

(72 Posts)
BigFatGoalie Wed 22-Jan-14 20:38:34

So, I was in the kitchen unpacking the dishwasher this morning, when I look over and see 17 month old DD with something shiny in her hands.
In my mummy, happy voice I simply say:

"MiniBigFatGoalie, please give Mummy the knife..."

In my defence it was only a butter knife blush, but I suddenly realised if ANYBODY else had heard me say that they'd be tempted to call SS!
it did not happen twice...

Can I ask what sentences you've said to your DC lately that make you think, bloody hell I sound like a bad mother?!

BadChat25 Wed 22-Jan-14 20:44:15

Please don't eat out of the rubbish bin honey...

She put her banana instead of the skin in the bin and promptly plucked it out and chomped down. What's quite possibly worse she refused to put it back so I let her eat it.

There was only a couple of bits of paper in the bin so I justify it in my own head grin

Iwannalaylikethisforever Wed 22-Jan-14 20:51:31

Tonight I told my dd to go to sleep or their dolls go the charity shop! I'd been shhhhh- ing them for 30 minutes.

meanddog Wed 22-Jan-14 20:51:33

'Please don't share your biscuit with the dog'

On seeing DS alternating bites with the dog

MartinSheensTeeth Wed 22-Jan-14 20:54:14

'Your sister is not a tissue"

weeblueberry Wed 22-Jan-14 20:54:23

Please don't tongue the dog DD...

No mummy's boots aren't for chewing!

The cats bottom isn't for putting your finger in darling.

And that's just today... smile

Onesleeptillwembley Wed 22-Jan-14 20:58:33

I regularly said 'don't break your brother'.

FlatFacedArmy Wed 22-Jan-14 21:05:51

"We don't claw faces, darling."

It was the absent-minded way I said it (too busy mumsnetting!) that made me look like a bad parent. And I heard myself!

To be fair though it was MY face I was talking about.

BigFatGoalie Wed 22-Jan-14 21:17:26

These are hysterical!
and make me feel marginally better

I also said, "don't share your biscuit with the dog, love" today as the biscuit went from MiniBFG, to dog's mouth, to DD's friend and then back to MiniBFG... confused

StillaChocoholic Wed 22-Jan-14 21:18:52

What's in your mouth? Is that mud?! Don't eat mud!

BadChat25 Wed 22-Jan-14 21:19:27

My Dad once sat laughing at the dinner table. He was the only one that could see DD. I assumed she was dancing... After a few minutes I asked him what she was up to and she was doing one for one with the dogs biscuits.

I really should have stopped it then and there and not taken a picture

Bluemonkeyspots Wed 22-Jan-14 21:22:09

Dh phoned me earlier and asked what the dc were doing, at that point i realised dd3 was banging two glasses together and dd4 was sooking on the end of a bottle of bleach spray (it was turned to close if that redeems me in anyway)

All this while i was cleaning up the talc incident they had created while I was cleaning up the poo incident dd3 had created!

It's no bloody wonder i drink

CassCade Wed 22-Jan-14 21:22:17

My DD3 (when aged about 2), brought the bread knife (THE BREAD KNIFE!!!!) from the kitchen worktop where it had been left (by me) into another room to give to me, saying "ooh, mummy, look, sharp." I nearly had a heart attack.

After that, I regularly repeated, "we don't touch the bread knife, do we, DD3?", until I was sure she'd got it.

Pilgit Wed 22-Jan-14 21:23:57

I am a potty mouth and swear quite regularly in front of them. DD1 has discovered she can wind DO up by using said swear words. I ignore it so I rarely hear it as she knows they are naughty words and shouldn't use them. Always used to refer to my dad's partner as the wicked step mother. Have had to stop as I had a litany of questions around why we were buying someone evil a Christmas present. ...

JuniperHeartwand Wed 22-Jan-14 21:24:02

Why is this in AIBU OP?

Lariflete Wed 22-Jan-14 21:24:31

"DD don't step on your brother's face."
"DS, stop chewing mummy's coat"
"Yes, DD fell down stairs pretending to be a dragon." - to nursery. They are definitely going to be calling SS confused

bombolina Wed 22-Jan-14 21:24:50

Haha "don't play with dog poo darling'. Cue retching.

MarlenaGru Wed 22-Jan-14 21:24:57

DD licked her pram wheels when she first started crawling and I wasn't paying attention

CassCade Wed 22-Jan-14 21:25:57

bluemonkeyspots, loving the image of child chaos. Takes me back a few years!

Pilgit Wed 22-Jan-14 21:26:32

This thread makes me remember the mumsnet classic "put down the blow torch and step away from the cat" not one of mine (no cat).

WaitingForMe Wed 22-Jan-14 21:27:02

"We don't eat concrete." We're having a porch built and he'd reached through the cat flap to pull bits off the concrete floor. He was ecstatic.

TheNightIsDark Wed 22-Jan-14 21:27:58

"No sweetie you don't have a willy hidden in your bottom"
"That's lovely that you can wee standing up but girls usually sit down on the toilet"
"Dave, come here dave" (her name is Alexandra)

She's going through an I want to be a boy phase.

With DS1 it's

"Please don't lick the baby"
"The baby doesn't want to wrestle" (said baby is 4 months old.)
"No sweety we don't put scissors in our mouth"

fluterby Wed 22-Jan-14 21:29:15

Yes i did eat the third jam tart but I never said all three were for you. Well I might have thought they were earlier but now I've changed my mind.

CassCade Wed 22-Jan-14 21:30:46

Oh, lately! For starters, "You do NOT call your sister a pig-cow... Even if she did blow off on your school bag!" That was yesterday.

bumblebeebzz Wed 22-Jan-14 21:35:42

I once had to say "for goodness sake DS, don't lick the toilet seat!"

he likes to lick things.

envy << vom.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Wed 22-Jan-14 21:37:28

If anybody had heard me in the garden when dd2 was about two; "come here you little shit!" blush

In my defence she was being a little turd and I wasn't well. I can still remember now what an awful day that was, topped off by my swearing at my two year old outside where the whole road must have heard me. sad

Alifelivedforwards Wed 22-Jan-14 21:38:36

These aren't examples of being a bad mum, they are examples of children being revolting little beggars <irrationally irritated>

"leave him alone! he's not a toy!" to ds1 about ds2.

3of5 Wed 22-Jan-14 21:39:11

Today I had to tell my son (2 years old)not to lick the Wheelie Bin.

I think the dog is an influence..

TheNightIsDark Wed 22-Jan-14 21:40:35

ilovemydog I told mine to fuck off and leave me alone once. It was 11pm, we had to be up at 6 to go to work/nursery, DP was being a cunt and I was pg with DS2. They hadn't gone to sleep, they'd trashed their bedrooms etc.

I still feel fucking ashamed as I shouted it. Since that day though it's never gotten that bad again.

TheNightIsDark Wed 22-Jan-14 21:44:48

I can't believe I admitted that. I think I need to nc.

Saltycopporn Wed 22-Jan-14 21:46:21

No .....No.... No................No sweets until you finish your crisps blush

Mishmashfamily Wed 22-Jan-14 21:49:43

"We don't claw faces"

"The baby doesn't want to wrestle"

grin belting !

FortyDoorsToNowhere Wed 22-Jan-14 21:51:27

DS leave my nipple alone, I was in bed with nothing on the top half and 1/2 asleep.

HellsGranny Wed 22-Jan-14 21:54:48

Leave Betty's (the cat) bum alone...

PoisonedApple Wed 22-Jan-14 21:59:20

Stop licking the baby! Why do they do that? So glad it's not just mine...

MoreLifeInATrampsVest Wed 22-Jan-14 21:59:50

Is that sand yum? I'd given in trying to stop him eating the sand pit after the 1000th mouthful and resorted to taking pictures whilst local yummy mummies looked on in horror. All good roughage I say wink

ceeveebee Wed 22-Jan-14 22:02:06

When we go to soft play or toddler groups I tell my 2 yo DS "no fighting, no biting, no hitting, no spitting" which is just a little jokey rhyme but if anyone heard me they'd think he was a little terror!!

DoJo Wed 22-Jan-14 22:02:22

Is that a screw you're eating, or a floor snack?

MrsBobHale Wed 22-Jan-14 22:04:18

"No you can't have an apple until you've finished that chocolate fudge cake!"

Background - I was sick of her asking for food then not eating it and immediately wanting something else.

jeanmiguelfangio Wed 22-Jan-14 22:04:50

Please don't eat gravel darling
We don't lick the buggy
And my personal fave that got me great looks at the baby group when paint may have got eaten- well at least it's non toxic.

jeanmiguelfangio Wed 22-Jan-14 22:06:00

Dojo I am so glad others have floor snacks!!

BigFatGoalie Wed 22-Jan-14 22:10:23

That's a fly, not a raisin...
Must sweep the floors more often

RalphGnu Wed 22-Jan-14 22:11:19

TheNightIsDark, I may have done that too.

TheFutureMrsB Wed 22-Jan-14 22:12:45

No, no, we don't lick cars do we ds3.

A regular thing said until he was about 3!!! And it wasn't even our car, it was any car in the street!

Lioninthesun Wed 22-Jan-14 22:18:02

"We don't share biscuits with the pigeons" - was literally retching after she wrestled it back from a group busily pecking away after she dropped half on the station floor. Dang she got it into her mouth fast! <boak>

KateSpade Wed 22-Jan-14 22:43:19

Whist on the phone, having a very serious conversation

'NO! they are not sweets, they is medicines'

'Put them down NOW'

'Stop wining'

Just as i had arrived at work, Nursery rang to say DD had a temperature of 39.8 and could i come and pick her up.

blush

Mim78 Wed 22-Jan-14 22:54:09

Dd said to me yesterday "mummy why are you stopping me from sharing?" Which made me feel/ look bad.

Queenofthehill Wed 22-Jan-14 23:01:03

TheNightIsDark, I love your honesty. I am sure I have paraphrased that one. Lord knows I've felt it :-D

Queenofthehill Wed 22-Jan-14 23:01:40

Sorry, grin

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Thu 23-Jan-14 12:35:36

TheNightIsDark you see, we're not alone. smile

I've never done it again either. It's a shame I had to do it in the first place but it was definitely a wake up call.

I'm like my kids. I like to learn by experience. grin

wonderingsoul Thu 23-Jan-14 12:59:17

ds2 is a licker...

iv had dont lick the cat../ .windows../ bus... random peoples hands... the list goes on.. hes 5 and is slowly getting out of it..but still feels the need to munch down on the schools metal poles if we stop there to long!

babyicebean Thu 23-Jan-14 13:19:26

We had 'don't use your uncle as an archery target' problem is I didn't see them start and the poor lad has about four circular bruises on his backside. In their defence he had told her she wasn't as good a shot as him. She had a soft archery set for Xmas which is basically a full bow with sucker arrows which is used before you graduate to pointy arrows.

bachsingingmum Thu 23-Jan-14 13:19:29

"Oh dear, let me kiss that better. We'll just drop your sister off at school and then pop along to the hospital."

I'd just crushed DD2's fingers in the front door...

...it was fine, but bad bad mother...

Guiltismymaster Thu 23-Jan-14 13:26:33

'Come out of the dishwasher'

MrsGarlic Thu 23-Jan-14 14:06:01

When my son was a newborn he used to get this really sarcastic look on his face and we used to joke that he was thinking "Fuck you, Daddy/Mummy".

Except we still say it to each other out loud, e.g. if he's crawling away and my husband calls him but he doesn't respond, I'll shout out "FUCK YOU, DADDY!" in a mock-American teenagery accent. He is 1. He will probably say those as his first words now blush

headinhands Thu 23-Jan-14 14:11:08

This is more bad pet owner probably. "Please take Nibbles out of the dolls house, I don't think she likes it in there." Nibbles is a rabbit.

SupSlick Thu 23-Jan-14 14:41:14

"It's "I'm GOING to kill YOU" not "I'm gonna kill ya"!!!!"

blush

candycoatedwaterdrops Thu 23-Jan-14 14:44:12

LOL at floor snack!

RufusTheReindeer Thu 23-Jan-14 14:45:28

"No tongues when you are kissing mummy"

He is 15

RufusTheReindeer Thu 23-Jan-14 14:47:15

Shit...just realised I should explain!!!!!!!

He has a habit of licking my nose as a joke when I get my good night kiss

Please don't ring SS!!!!!!!

notso Thu 23-Jan-14 15:27:26

So pleased others have floor snacks and dishwasher dwellers.

The other day DS2 came in saying "Mummy a saw, it's mines"
I thought he meant his plastic one so did the usual "oh lovely a saw" and carried on MNing, and off he toddled to the dining room
Then heard a hideous grating sound and rushed to find him trying to saw the dining table with a real saw blush

bodygoingsouth Thu 23-Jan-14 15:33:14

falling up the stairs very tipsy after a PTA quiz night while my teens looked on as my dh gave them a lecture on the consequences of getting drunk.

they have find memories of this and if dh saying 'see lads your mother is pissed. she didn't know her limits. you need to see how embarrassing she looks and don't exceed yours'

thanks dh darling.

MrsGarlic Thu 23-Jan-14 15:35:07

Rufus grin Mine kisses me all open-mouthed with tongues, 'tis probably more acceptable at 1 than at 15 though wink

BigFatGoalie Thu 23-Jan-14 20:47:28

These are brilliant, am so glad I'm not alone!
This morning's gem:
"No darling, we don't eat the loo roll"
Screamed from inside the shower while she was pulling the entire roll onto the floor.
Of course she knew there was nothing I could do sopping wet from behind the shower doors.

MartinSheensTeeth Fri 24-Jan-14 11:08:31

body that is hilarious! Was your hangover also held up as an example of how not to behave?

"oh, what's that smeared all over your face? Is that mud? Where did you get mud in the bath? Oh.. Darling when did you do that poo? Let's clean you up..."

I had failed to notice for long enough that he had smeared it all over himself and the walls, and flung it around the whole room. I had been cleaning the sink.

Ivytheterrible Fri 24-Jan-14 11:33:42

To 3yr old DD in McDonalds:

"No there aren't any vegetables - eat your cheeseburger"

notso Fri 24-Jan-14 11:42:59

Ha ha Ivytheterrible we have had similar conversations!

wonderingsoul Sat 25-Jan-14 11:07:19

ohh yes.. ivythe

both of mine love veg and its the first thing they eat on the plate.. iv been known to bribe them with it

"if you want more veg.. you have to eat the the rest of your dinner"

ds1 i used to have to hide his proper food.. normally meat under his veg to get him to eat it.

odd children.

Felyne Sat 25-Jan-14 11:25:57

My 15 month old grabbed a knife out of the dishwasher and was wandering around holding the blade. Not a butter knife, a paring knife. Getting that back took some doing as it became a bit of a game (not to me!) as my mind ran through every horrid possible outcome. I did get it back ok.
Knives stay on the bench now until the dishwasher is about to be run rather than being put straight in.

MissPryde Sat 25-Jan-14 11:38:32

notso that completely undid me. Trying not to wake Dp up laughing at your son sawing up the dining room table.

"No dear, that's poison. No you can't eat the poison. No,the poison has to go in the dishwasher. No, you can't play with the poison under the sink either." confused thank goodness for child locks!

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