To be annoyed that someone is selling clothes that I gifted to them

(191 Posts)
lollipoppi Wed 22-Jan-14 10:32:18

So my DPs cousin had a baby

I mentioned that have tons of clothes from DD that she is welcome to have if she likes which she accepted

When I went round to give her the clothes there were 4 bin bags full. I said for her to go through them in her own time and whatever she doesn't want to just give me back as a few of my friends are also pregnant at the mo and they could be passed on

Anyway il get to the point that she has been selling ALL these clothes on a local selling site in bundles, even clothes that wouldn't even for her DD just yet!

Oh along with her DS1 birthday present that we bought him less than 2 weeks ago!

Charlesroi Wed 22-Jan-14 10:36:44

YANBU. If you'd given them to her unconditionally, fair enough, but you didn't. I'd ask her if she'd sorted through what you gave her and could you have the ones she didn't want back, so you can pass them on to your other friends.

Ragwort Wed 22-Jan-14 10:52:11

As Charles says, mention it immediately (as tactfully as possible) otherwise you will end up feeling really bitter about this. Good luck.

SkinnybitchWannabe Wed 22-Jan-14 11:01:02

Yanbu. Cheeky cow! I'd ask for it all back and some of the money she made.
So bloody rude of her.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Wed 22-Jan-14 11:04:56

YANBU you made it clear when you gave them that you wanted them back, therefore she is being very unreasonable to sell them on.
You need to have a word with her and ask for all the items back, every last one of them. She clearly does not appreciate your gesture.

GhostsInSnow Wed 22-Jan-14 11:05:16

Comment on her sale thread 'Oh, I see you got doubles of the clothes I gave you?'

squoosh Wed 22-Jan-14 11:06:29

She's a cheeky cow, however you used the term 'gifted' so I'm having difficulty deciding who is the bigger sinner.

TheNumberfaker Wed 22-Jan-14 11:06:58

Yanbu. Say something now. Some people are so cheeky!

AwfulMaureen Wed 22-Jan-14 11:09:08

YANBU! It's very rude of her. My sister gave me bags of her DS's clothes...I have girls but she said they were for my good friend...she took them gratefully and never in a million would I or she have sold them!

Crowler Wed 22-Jan-14 11:09:40

I'd consider this a fatal friendship error. I would not continue a relationship with someone who did this, it's appalling behavior.

isthereanynameavailable Wed 22-Jan-14 11:10:31

I think she is being unreasonable and to sell on a local site where you are likely to see it is just stupid.

However, do you know what their financial situation is? Are they really short of money? This may well justify (slightly) her selling the clothes. If not then she is ungrateful as well as unreasonable.

sebsmummy1 Wed 22-Jan-14 11:10:39

Oh my good god I would be so fucking angry!!!! Are you sure they are the clothes you gave her?

summertimeandthelivingiseasy Wed 22-Jan-14 11:13:02

I would do as suggested above, with the clothes.

With presents, just give her the second hand value of what you were going to buy - it will save her the hassle of selling it wink

Sweetart Wed 22-Jan-14 11:13:39

I'd be really offended too. when I lent a friend of mine the best baby clothes that I was saving for posterity,she car-booted them sad

puntasticusername Wed 22-Jan-14 11:13:44

Ooh! If you made it very clear that you wanted back any clothes she didn't want, then she is being very U. Agree with the others, raise it with her now, don't let it fester and become a long term resentment.

Selling her child's birthday present so soon is a bit off too. It might be because he didn't like it, got duplicates etc but one should do it more discreetly...

How is she fixed financially, in general? If she's very hard up (ie selling the clothes/toys so she can buy the kids food) I'd be prepared to be sympathetic. If she's just pulling a fast one...less so.

sebsmummy1 Wed 22-Jan-14 11:15:41

My sister also gave me all her baby clothes and continues to do so as her boys grow out of them. Her friend has offered me some too for the new baby. What I do (as I'm normal and not an entitled unspeakable) is be extremely grateful. Use them, wash them, and then bundle them back up as my son grows out of them and pass them back, so she can lend them out again to other friends.

What I would never contemplate is using them and then selling them. As that is outrageously rude and against the generous spirit by which they were 'gifted' to me.

sebsmummy1 Wed 22-Jan-14 11:16:53

I swear my blood pressure has just gone up and it's not even happening to me!!!!

summertimeandthelivingiseasy Wed 22-Jan-14 11:20:26

If it was the 'wrong' present, she could have got back to you for the receipt and exchanged it!

Nataleejah Wed 22-Jan-14 11:22:08

That's a lesson to learn -- don't give people stuff they don't need or want. Clothes in particular.

BookroomRed Wed 22-Jan-14 11:22:28

Is 'gifted' different to 'gave'? I'm asking seriously - is there a nuance of meaning I'm missing?

Nataleejah Wed 22-Jan-14 11:23:53

Also i wouldn't see hand-me-down items as gifts. Sorry sad

Crowler Wed 22-Jan-14 11:24:26

I'm with sebsmummy, I'm furious on your behalf. What a cow.

bodygoingsouth Wed 22-Jan-14 11:25:42

that's bloody cheeky op I would be furious.

CocktailQueen Wed 22-Jan-14 11:26:22

YANBU. I know you gave them to her but you also asked her to go through them and return any to you she wouldn;t use, so you could use them. That's really rude. As is selling a present!!!
I'd have a word now, or else you'll just resent it.

helenthemadex Wed 22-Jan-14 11:32:24

YANBU because you had asked for the things she didnt want back. I would ask for them its not right of her to sell them

DisneyAddict88 Wed 22-Jan-14 11:39:46

she is being very unreasonable with the clothes u made it clear that you had other friends who could make use of them.

however in regards to the present - I have been guilty of exchanging or regifting duplicate or things dd's wouldn't play with. but I make sure they say thank u.

starlight1234 Wed 22-Jan-14 11:41:39

I would like the post on selling site..that way she knows you have seen them..Make her feel uncomfortable...

Silly woman as she will never get given anything by you again...

YABU to be furious

sebsmummy1 Wed 22-Jan-14 11:42:48

The OP stated that she offered her child's clothes to her partners cousin, she said yes please. She then took round all the clothes and asked her to have a rummage and give her back the things she didn't want or like so she could pass them onto other friends.

Now surely good manners dictates that you have a look through. Keep back the things you would like then bag up the things you don't and give them back to generous friend. Then once you have used the items you text generous friend and ask if she would like her baby clothes back. If generous friend says no thank you, they are yours to do as you wish, at that point you either keep for baby number two, pass on to pregnant friends or sell.

What just makes me go WTAF?!! Is saying yes please. Having a rummage, then selling everything you don't fancy including clothes your child hasn't even grown into yet. Surely that is just incredibly rude!!?

Pobblewhohasnotoes Wed 22-Jan-14 11:44:51

So she just saw it as a money making opportunity, I'd be furious. I hope you're going to say something to her.

Alisvolatpropiis Wed 22-Jan-14 12:07:49

I'd be furious

MrsSteptoe Wed 22-Jan-14 12:15:37

Common politeness dictates that if you are given second-hand clothes, you pass them on without charge to someone who can use them if you can't. You don't profit from them. You continue the friendly spirit in which they were given initially.

The only exception I'd make here is if they're really up against it financially, but then I'd hope that a family member might say "we are desperate for stuff to sell on eBay because we are so short of money, would you have anything you'd be prepared to part with to help?", not do as your relative did.

Having said all of which - now you know that your sense of appropriate behaviour is in sync with most of MN, which is always comforting, you can let it go!

Mellowandfruitful Wed 22-Jan-14 12:16:07

YANBU. It is not on to do this. However, if she is selling her DS's birthday presents that does make me wonder if they are in big financial trouble - that's what it would take to get me selling my DC's stuff. But even if she was, she should have approached you and said that she was in desperate need of money and so, as you were going to give the clothes away anyway, would you mind her selling them to make a bit of money? If someone asked me this I would agree. But I don't think it was acceptable to just start flogging them on.

I would not give her any more stuff even to look through - depending on how close you are, you might want to ask her if money is a big problem, but even if it is, they need to think of solutions to that - you can't solve it.

newyearhere Wed 22-Jan-14 12:22:14

YANBU

alma123 Wed 22-Jan-14 12:23:58

YANBU. Even if you hadn't asked for them back, it's still downright rude!

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 22-Jan-14 12:24:33

I would post under her sale ad too!

diddl Wed 22-Jan-14 12:30:55

That's very cheeky, isn't it?

Go round to fetch what she doesn't want.

You obviously made it clear that you wanted stuff back, but on the reverse, it can be annoying to be given bags of stuff that you either then have to take the majority of to the charity shop or return yourself to the giver iyswim.

CSIJanner Wed 22-Jan-14 12:31:40

Contact the admin and get them to suspend her adverts until sorted

Mwah har har har!

lollipoppi Wed 22-Jan-14 13:11:00

Thanks all, feel slightly better that its not just me that feels like this.

I wouldn't mind but our sons are also of similar age and when they were babies she "sold" me some of her sons outgrown clothes.
I didn't ask for any money for any of the clothes I gave to her for DD and neither was any offered, not that I would have accepted it.

I'm honestly not bothered about the bday present, he could have got duplicates ect

They are not hard up, her DH works full time and she is on mat leave, where as me and DP are both self employed and struggling

Lesson learnt, I'm going to make the phone call ..... When I've calmed down grin

THERhubarb Wed 22-Jan-14 13:19:22

Oh dear.

She sounds like she just sees money making opportunities in everything. I guess just because you are happy to give things away for free, it doesn't mean that she is. She made a bit of money from you in charging you for her cast-off clothes and she thinks she can also make some money from this.

I have sold unwanted gifts before so that's neither here nor there, although I usually sell on ebay where no-one knows my username so I don't offend the giver.

Are you sure she heard you correctly when you told her the conditions under which you gave her the clothes? She may not have heard you or may have been distracted by the bags so your words just didn't sink in and all she heard was "you can have these clothes".

I would stay polite for the sake of friendship (and not starting a family war) and ask her if she had a chance to look through the clothes and if there were any she didn't want, could you pick them up as you had friends who could use them.

Leave the ball in her court. Don't let on that you've seen them for sale.

Next time, be aware that this woman will see profit in anything you gift her so use vouchers instead of buying gifts and if you have spare clothes, tell her that you were thinking of selling them but would accept x amount of money for them from her.

WitchWay Wed 22-Jan-14 13:40:00

Very rude & greedy of her.

Do post later after you've rung her...

ENormaSnob Wed 22-Jan-14 13:43:49

Grabby greedy bitch.

Alifelivedforwards Wed 22-Jan-14 13:44:41

Do you think it's possible she's having money troubles but too embarassed or private to admit this? Maybe she didn't intend to sell them but saw an opportunity to make money quickly and easily?

I'd be bloody annoyed too but sometimes there are extenuating circumstances that we don't know about.

zipzap Wed 22-Jan-14 14:15:44

I'd definitely pretend not to have seen the clothes for sale and ask her for the ones that she can't use for her dd (maybe with a 'did you keep the [insert something you know she has sold in here] - I'm looking forward to seeing your dd in it, I bet she will look really good) back as you have other friends that you have said can have some too. I'd also then mention something about when she's finished with the ones she's had, you've got another friend with a baby who will be just about right to have them after she is done with them...

And then see what she says.

If she admits that she has sold them all - what are you going to do? Ask for the money back? for it to be donated to charity (that you can see her do, not into the charity of her purse!) or ignore it?

I think you need to have a plan of action before the phone call so depending on whether she tries to bluff you about not yet having decided or she thinks that everything looks great so she's keeping everything or she admits what she is done because (she's broke, wants pin money, thoughts that what you wanted her to do, whatever) - then you need to have rehearsed what to say to her in your head so you don't end up all flustered and just go Oh OK then and then put the phone down and fret because you think of the perfect thing to say a few minutes later, when what you really wanted to do was to let rip and say how dare she abuse your generous spirit and deny your friends of any of the clothes or effectively steal money from you as if you knew she was going to flog them then you would not have given them to her - you would have given them to friends or flogged them yourself.

I would imagine that if they are for a young dc then it is easy to be quite attached to some of the cute things they have - and you want friends to benefit from that, rather than somebody else to flog it off to all and sundry as well as profit from it - it's a bit of a double hit. sad

hope it all works out ok and you don't end up with a family argument about it (but remember - she may well use attack as her best form of defence, doesn't mean that she isn't in the wrong for doing this!)

LaGuardia Wed 22-Jan-14 14:22:12

OP, I think you need to take a minute to wonder exactly why she is selling all this stuff. Clearly she is in need of the cash. So, instead of everyone judging her, perhaps a bit of empathy could ebb her way instead?

squoosh Wed 22-Jan-14 14:23:28

Yes, if you suspect she may be hard up I say give her a break.

Crowler Wed 22-Jan-14 14:24:15

I don't agree with the cloak and dagger. I would just say:

I understand that you've sold the baby clothes that I gave you, and I'm not happy about it. They're not yours to sell. Why would you do that without even discussing it with me?

lollipoppi Wed 22-Jan-14 14:39:05

Laguardia yes I agree, but if it was me in that situation I would make a call to ask did you want any of the unwanted clothes back, of not am I ok to give to charity/regift/or sell, buy then I guess everyone is different

Crowler, I don't think I could be that blunt, and the last thing I want to do is cause any arguments within the family, especially as it's not my side of the family

Argghhhh it may be best all round to pretend I've not seen any of the adverts and forget about it, like zip zap said what on earth am I going to say of she admits she has sold them, it's going to be a very awkward situation

expatinscotland Wed 22-Jan-14 14:44:28

I'd message her then. 'Hey, why are you selling the clothes? I asked you to return what you didn't want.'

THERhubarb Wed 22-Jan-14 14:45:53

Well it's your call lollipoppi although it would be interesting to hear what she does say if you ask for them back.

Most of the time when I've been given clothes the giver has said to me to take what I want and give the rest to charity and yes, if the clothes that I don't want are of good quality I have sold them on ebay. But then it was made clear to me that the giver didn't want them back and I'd never sell them so obviously where they could see them.

It's difficult because, in asking you for money for her own unwanted clothes she was kinda making it clear that this is what she does, she sells unwanted items to make a bit of money.

On the other hand, if you made it clear that you wanted some of the clothes back, then she is being very cheeky and presumptious. No doubt she thinks that you won't ask for them back.

I'd be tempted to do so and if she says that she's sold them, tell her how disappointed you are, that you'd have preferred to have been asked. You don't have to turn it into an argument or make it into a big deal, but I think she does need to know that she's overstepped the mark a bit and you are not the kind of person that she can just try it on with.

Crowler Wed 22-Jan-14 14:46:47

Honestly OP there's no way to go about this except being blunt. You haven't caused the problem, she has.

BrianTheMole Wed 22-Jan-14 14:49:37

Just ask her for them back, as she obviously doesn't need them.

expatinscotland Wed 22-Jan-14 14:51:56

I'd post on her ads, too.

kitsmummy Wed 22-Jan-14 15:21:32

Lollipoppi, you have to pull her up on this, it's unacceptable and she needs to know she's been caught out. There's no need to go in all guns blazing, but do let her know that you know about the clothes.

IneedAsockamnesty Wed 22-Jan-14 15:25:10

Grabby rude behaviour YANBU but you would be if you don't say anything

sebsmummy1 Wed 22-Jan-14 15:32:46

Thing is by trying to let it go you are still going to lose out as you will end up simmering about it and the resentment will grow.

I think you are going to have to tackle it but I'm not exactly sure how best to do that!

Creamycoolerwithcream Wed 22-Jan-14 16:11:12

I'd message her and ask for everything back as she clearly doesn't need them as you have noticed she is selling all of them. I would do this quickly before the stuff gets sold.

lollipoppi Wed 22-Jan-14 16:20:07

Ok, I've text her (we're not really the calling type friends/family so she would think its odd if I rang)
I've basically said that one of my friends that I mentioned has found out she is having a girl so if you've finished going through the clothes and kept what you would like then please could I collect the rest at the weekend?

NewtRipley Wed 22-Jan-14 16:22:35

Oooh that'll put her on the spot grin

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking Wed 22-Jan-14 16:25:37

What a cheeky mare. I would be seriously pissed off if someone done that to me. Good on you for texting her op, Cant wait to hear her reply!

picnicbasketcase Wed 22-Jan-14 16:32:33

Well done OP. When she tells you the truth, you can tell her how hurt you are that you gave her the clothes for her child to wear and she has repaid the favour by profiting from your kindness. And that you won't be giving her anything else in the future.

Whereisegg Wed 22-Jan-14 16:34:49

yanbu, and well done on your text!

THERhubarb Wed 22-Jan-14 16:40:31

Pleeeeeease update when you get a reply!

Lurking to hear the replt

sebsmummy1 Wed 22-Jan-14 16:46:11

Check the ads to see if they suddenly disappear grin

lollipoppi Wed 22-Jan-14 16:46:33

Ohhhh the suspense is killing me already!
I promise I will update when she texts back

RobinSparkles Wed 22-Jan-14 16:55:34

I could never sell something that had been given to me. I was given some clothes for DD2 off a friend, whose dd had grown out of them and wouldn't be having anymore DC. She told me to do what I liked with them when I was finished.

I did sell some of the DD's old clothes on ebay but I could never have sold the ones that were given. I always donated them to charity or passed them on to other friends. It wouldn't feel right pocketing money from someone else's kindness!

YANBU. I would be upset too.

RobinSparkles Wed 22-Jan-14 16:57:05

Ooh, I like that you texted her! Well done! I would do the same.

givemeaclue Wed 22-Jan-14 16:57:20

What if she just says she is keeping it all, thanks v much

yorkie11 Wed 22-Jan-14 17:02:23

Cheeky mare. Please update when you have a response op please.

NewtRipley Wed 22-Jan-14 17:02:54

give

Then you hit her with the fact that she's a liar liar pants on fire as well grin

HMG83 Wed 22-Jan-14 17:05:28

Well done on the text!

I think it's incredibly rude!

I have a 'friend' who does this. All the baby shower gifts, clothing etc has been put up on a local selling site.

It's just rude. At least put them on ebay so you don't offend the gifter(s)!

Dillydollydaydream Wed 22-Jan-14 17:07:32

I wonder if she'll tell the truth or make up some story of them accidentally being thrown out mistaken for rubbish or done such nonsense.

sebsmummy1 Wed 22-Jan-14 17:17:22

Omg dolly. If she blantently lies that will be so much worse!!

zipzap Wed 22-Jan-14 17:18:57

But la guardia - sury she should have said at the time that she wanted to do that. If somebody says have something if you want to use it but if not, I have somebody else that I want to pass it on to, you don't take it all and sell it without so much as a do you mind...

If anybody is going to profit from the clothes it should be the op - I hope that you ask her for the money to be returned to you, even if it is to buy a nice present for the friend's you were going to pass some of the clothes on to.

If the op had wanted the clothes to be sold she could have done that herself.

And even if she does have need of extra money - in this day and age, don't we all - it doesn't excuse the her rudeness and basic dishonesty in taking something that wasn't hers to take.

Creamycoolerwithcream Wed 22-Jan-14 17:23:08

I think I need to get out more as I really want to hear what she says.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Wed 22-Jan-14 17:23:33

If she makes something up or tells you she's keeping everything, then you can tell her you know full well she's sold them and you want the money!

NewtRipley Wed 22-Jan-14 17:25:05

I wouldn't ask for the money. But I'd make it pretty clear that that was not the deal and that you won't be giving her anything else

ladymontdore Wed 22-Jan-14 17:25:33

YABU for using the word 'gifted' instead of 'gave'.

This point may already have been made!

NewtRipley Wed 22-Jan-14 17:32:12

lady

bugbear of yours?

MrsArthurWellesley Wed 22-Jan-14 17:38:59

I love these threads and I love them even more when the op has the balls to actually confront the AIBU-er rather than whining for 400 posts that they're really very cross but don't want to grow a pair do anything about it.

Hurrah for you op!

Nataleejah Wed 22-Jan-14 17:48:27

Asking for money would be a very bad idea. You didn't LEND the stuff, you gave away something you didn't need any longer, right?

lollipoppi Wed 22-Jan-14 18:03:49

Mrsarthur I actually can't believe I grew a pair and actually text her, still no reply, which makes me suspicious as she is the queen of rapid replies!

Lady, sorry, promise to consult the MN dictionary in future grin

I won't be asking for any money, even of she has already sold them, it's not the point of it, I just would have liked for my friends to have the clothes

expatinscotland Wed 22-Jan-14 18:14:02

Text her again- which day works best for me to pick up the clothes, Sat. or Sun.?

She says she likes all of them, blow her cover. 'So that's why you are selling them on X?'

Ten go on the site and tell everyone what a grabby cow she is.

pigletmania Wed 22-Jan-14 18:34:14

Good idea expat, don't give her anymore clothes now you know they will be sold. She is a cheeky meare, you asked fir ones she did not use back.

SpottyDottie Wed 22-Jan-14 18:34:17

FFS Stop waiting for a text back, which in all likelihood isn't coming and confront the grabby cow. How dare she sell everything off like that. They're yours!

helenthemadex Wed 22-Jan-14 19:20:43

*Text her again- which day works best for me to pick up the clothes, Sat. or Sun.?

She says she likes all of them, blow her cover. 'So that's why you are selling them on X?'*

^^ this is perfect

SpottyDottie Wed 22-Jan-14 19:57:52

If you allow people to walk all over you, they will.

PeterAndresSprayTanner Wed 22-Jan-14 20:17:11

<lurks>

BigFatGoalie Wed 22-Jan-14 20:29:03

<grabs popcorn>

LoveWine Wed 22-Jan-14 20:45:13

Awaiting the reply with a wine grin

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 22-Jan-14 20:51:23

It could be an 'adgate'!

Sorry, can't come up with anything funnier sad

Supercosy Wed 22-Jan-14 20:57:13

Blimey, what a cheeky cow! Your text was such a great idea though...way to put her on the spot. Well done!

Piggytastic Wed 22-Jan-14 21:03:58

Lurking!

Chippednailvarnish Wed 22-Jan-14 21:13:05

Debates stepping away to eat my dinner, whilst waiting for an update...

Sleepyhead33 Wed 22-Jan-14 21:15:14

How rude of her! I can't believe she is blatantly selling YOUR clothes. Do update though!

Pimpf Wed 22-Jan-14 21:18:37

Unbelievably cheeky of her.

lollipoppi Wed 22-Jan-14 21:34:52

Sorry to disappoint but still no reply!!

Its my DDs birthday tomorrow so she will have to text to at least say happy birthday!

Supercosy Wed 22-Jan-14 21:57:32

Oh dear, she is probably sweating and wondering what on earth she is going to say to excuse what she has done which is a clear indication that she knows it is unacceptable.

selsigfach Wed 22-Jan-14 22:18:36

Cheeky cow! Can't wait to see what she texts back.

mumofapirate Wed 22-Jan-14 23:19:00

post on her wall on facebook ask if she got your message

ProphetOfDoom Wed 22-Jan-14 23:34:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aquashiv Wed 22-Jan-14 23:52:35

Can you email her on the site she is selling them on tactfully and ask for them back?

Thatisall Thu 23-Jan-14 00:07:01

Cheeky witch. I know someone who asked for clothing and equipment on Facebook the moment she found out she was pregnant. The baby isn't born yet and items are being sold off. I think she just accepted every single thing she was offered and sold any duplicates and bundles of clothes. I can't claim to know the basis of these 'gifts' or whether she offered them back but the same woman has asked for items on free cycle and immediately sold them.

sykadelic15 Thu 23-Jan-14 02:42:44

Excellent text! I'd be looking on those selling sites to see if she's pulled the ads as an "oh shit!"

Looking forward to the update!

fatlazymummy Thu 23-Jan-14 08:44:38

Unfortunately there are people around who make a profit out of other people's generosity. This woman seems to be one of them.
If you can't get the rest of the clothes back then at least you have gained an insight into her real personality. Enough to keep her at arm's length in future.

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 23-Jan-14 09:10:55

In my circles it is not unusual for many baby items to do the rounds between us all ( I have recently even been handed back a particularly lovely baby gro cardi and shawl that started life as my eldest's just over 20 years ago,it made me cry in a good way).

It's something that's done to make those early days less expensive nobody has to accept anything at all but they can if they want to,it's a generous thing and provides many nice memories no money ever changes hands.

The expectation is anything still good enough to use will get passed on again often people may add to stuff as it gets used but only if they want.its not unheard of for passed on items to include cots prams high chairs as well. It would just seam like such bad form to profit in that way from kindness.

Thatisall Thu 23-Jan-14 09:23:18

Happy birthday to the OP's ds.....now waiting for that text from the grabby cow smile

hickorychicken Thu 23-Jan-14 09:26:15

I dont see why people even sell baby clothes, theyre not worth the hassle and especially if its going to ruin a friendship!

diddl Thu 23-Jan-14 09:57:16

I do think sometimes though that baby clothes are handed over as if a great big favour is being done.

They've often been puked on & pooed in & only really mean anything to the giver.

The receiver has to sort through & then often either take back the rest or take to charity.

ThistleLickerIsGoingToBeAMummy Thu 23-Jan-14 10:05:05

Make an offer on the clothes.... We'll I'll have these for free seeing these are mine type of comment

hickorychicken Thu 23-Jan-14 10:05:05

I have some good stuff id give to friends but sleepsuits vests etc get so worn i wouldnt give them and my freind feel guikty for not using them.

What a cheeky cow she is, as you said she is usually quick fire on the response? So knows full well she is in the wrong, pull her up on it. If anyone did this to me I'd rage. Also would send the text that was along the lines of a pp 'I asked you to return what you didn't want, what are you playing at selling them?' as I used to be timid and not speak up but I have learnt the hard way from similar experiences.

sebsmummy1 Thu 23-Jan-14 10:23:57

I find newborn and 0-3 3-6 clothes are often in bloody good nick as the pfb hasn't trashed them like a toddler would and hasn't been weaned so there isn't food staining all over them.

I was over the moon with the stuff I was leant. A lot if it was baby gap and had hardly been worn. OPs friend would have been rubbing her hands together so fiercely she'd have combusted lol

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 23-Jan-14 10:51:57

Diddl,

You find clothes that have been worn for about 10 weeks if they have been looked after to worn to use? Really and I mean that in a interested way not a sarki way.

ThistleLickerIsGoingToBeAMummy Thu 23-Jan-14 11:05:56

You could also apply a message to the selling page thanking her for selling the clothes on your behalf and you will pick up the money at her earliest convenience

hickorychicken Thu 23-Jan-14 11:23:44

Did you mean me socket? After 10 weeks of washing and washing ive had sleepsuits go dingy so they get thrown, iim much more careful with outfits and decent stuff.

MeadowHeartshimmertheFairy Thu 23-Jan-14 11:53:14

What a cheeky madam!

Can't wait to hear the response! <ignores overflowing to-do pile>

THERhubarb Thu 23-Jan-14 12:53:37

She is probably trying to delete all her postings and sweating over the clothes she's already sold. No doubt she hopes that if she doesn't reply you might not ask again?

If she just texts to wish your dd happy birthday that is your chance to reply saying "thank you, I'll be round your way on Sat so I hope you don't mind if I just nip in and pick up those clothes <insert smiley>"

Don't let it slide or she'll know that she can do it again.

diddl Thu 23-Jan-14 14:04:25

Sock-well I guess some clothes would be in good condition & some not so much!

I think it's more that some givers are attached to the clothes & it's a big deal to be handing them over & to the recipient they are what they are-2nd hand clothes iyswim.

TwinkleSparkleBling Thu 23-Jan-14 14:16:44

I'm normally pretty chilled about what happens to stuff when I pass it on, after all I don't want it that's why it's gone. If someone wants to sell it and I can't be bothered to, good luck to them.

However the fact that you specifically said you wanted the stuff back that she didn't want so you could give it to someone else would piss me off too.

I think she'll say she didn't realize you wanted anything backhmm

astyinmyeye Thu 23-Jan-14 14:57:33

She still didn't answer back ??? Pffft agree with Twinkle, she is going to say she didn't realize you wanted anything back ! Cheeky caw

notapizzaeater Thu 23-Jan-14 15:01:52

I'd be furious about this, any getting angrier the longer it took to reply ...

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 23-Jan-14 15:41:01

Yep I do understand what you mean.

With me I would be grateful for things it's so much better for the environment and stops so much going to landfill and saves me from going shopping,I hate shopping.

diddl Thu 23-Jan-14 15:52:08

I always loved getting second hand stuff as well-I generally hate shopping-but could tolerate buying clothes before the kids had an opinion on them!

lottieandmia Thu 23-Jan-14 15:54:27

YANBU - you made it clear that anything she didn't want was to be given back to you. Some people are so out for themselves it's unbelievable.

fatlazymummy Thu 23-Jan-14 16:06:09

I've had baby gro's and vests that did 2 babies, were spotless (if a little faded) and were then passed onto some one who asked for them and was really grateful for them. I would expect any clothes to last for more than 10 weeks. I don't really get this 'throwaway' attitude.

MrCabDriver Thu 23-Jan-14 16:10:07

Did you get a reply OP?

Onesie Thu 23-Jan-14 16:26:44

Any reply?

diddl Thu 23-Jan-14 16:34:39

I'm sure she'll just say that she misunderstood!

But I think if you don't see each other regularly, then the onus is on the giver to collect stuff tbh, otherwise it's just giving someone else your stuff to dispose of!

SlimJiminy Thu 23-Jan-14 16:38:15

This isn't about the friend's financial situation - I have friends who are really struggling at the moment and they'd still give the clothes back that they didn't want if it meant that someone else could benefit from the op's kindness/generosity. It's not about being really hard up, it's about seeing a quick buck and it takes the absolute piss.

Any update, OP?

lollipoppi Thu 23-Jan-14 16:59:08

Ladies we have a reply!!

She is very sorry but she has given them away to friends/family and hadn't realised I wanted anything back, very sorry ect ect ect

I should probably give her the benefit of the doubt that she maybe misunderstood that I wanted anything back, sleep deprivation can kill the brain cells as I'm sure we all know!

However does not excuse the fact that I know she is lying and that she has not given them away, she has sold them hmm

She is not financially struggling as she has just bragged about booking 2 holidays, which I'm contributing to!

I've learnt my lesson and will keep any further items within my friendship circle where I know they get passed around each other to the next babies

More fool me to think that family comes first

expatinscotland Thu 23-Jan-14 17:01:36

Fucking call her out! Tell her you KNOW she sold them on X and to forget about getting any more hand me downs. And don't buy FA from her.

sebsmummy1 Thu 23-Jan-14 17:02:18

Well you are a better woman that I to not reply that you can see she is selling them on so would prefer that she stopped and allowed you to have them back as you are outraged that she is trying to profit from your generosity.

NewtRipley Thu 23-Jan-14 17:08:55

Tell her you have seen them advertised.

PLEASE call bullshit to her OP!

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 23-Jan-14 17:17:24

Please tell her you know she sold them!

newyearhere Thu 23-Jan-14 17:17:31

Tell her!

BrianTheMole Thu 23-Jan-14 17:19:54

Answer her ad under a different name. <evil> Then arrange a time to collect and go get them in person.

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 23-Jan-14 17:22:14

I wouldn't be able to stop myself calling her a liar

Sianilaa Thu 23-Jan-14 17:22:16

Yep text her back and say, "that's funny, I saw pictures on x of the clothes I gave you so I know you're selling them. That's fine, you can give me cheque or cash. Thanks"

cozietoesie Thu 23-Jan-14 17:24:04

Not such a good idea to text her about the advertisement given that the OP has already texted her without mentioning that she'd seen them. It makes the OP look less than innocent because she didn't call out this woman immediately.

I'd just drop the friendship.

FieryChipotle Thu 23-Jan-14 17:30:32

This happened to me not so long ago. I was furious as she actually ASKED me for my old baby stuff and clothes etc. I posted exactly what I thought on a post selling my Bumbo and the rest of the selling community have her a VERY hard time over it. Made me feel a bit better! grin

Thatisall Thu 23-Jan-14 17:30:42

I think you're being very cool about the situation. Weldone OP

DontCallMeDaughter Thu 23-Jan-14 17:36:41

I'd have to reply back saying "well could I at least have back the things you've not sold yet, I see there are still some up for sale".

I couldn't just let her continue selling my stuff.

FieryChipotle Thu 23-Jan-14 17:37:55

Yes to what Dontcallmedaughter said! Get your stuff back!

MrsKoala Thu 23-Jan-14 17:40:56

I really would have to text back and say that's funny as you saw her selling them. I couldn't leave it like that. She's sold them and then had the even bigger cheek to lie to you. Talk about insult to injury.

Sneakymeezerflyingthetardis Thu 23-Jan-14 17:47:46

Yes, to what Dontcallmydaughter said ;)

sebsmummy1 Thu 23-Jan-14 17:48:01

Love dontcallmedaughter's reply! Send that, send that!!

Whatisaweekend Thu 23-Jan-14 17:52:15

How about replying "oh that's ok - can you contact them and say that, once they have finished with them, you would like to have them back as the owner has a friend who is going to have a little girl and she can make use of the stuff too. It's so good that all this stuff has so much use out of it, isn't it?! Can you let me know what age their babies are so I have an idea of time frame that I can pass the stuff along?"

See what she says to THAT!!

Creamycoolerwithcream Thu 23-Jan-14 17:53:42

Would any of you actually send texts asking for the money from the sale or are you just egging Lollipop on?

Chippednailvarnish Thu 23-Jan-14 17:56:08

Nope I'd do what not my suggested. Only on her Facebook page.

expatinscotland Thu 23-Jan-14 17:56:13

No, because THE SECOND I saw the stuff on the page I'd have emailed the ad,on that those clothes were not hers to sell, then ring her or gone ther and told her I had the measure of her, so hand back the clothes.

HuevosRancheros Thu 23-Jan-14 17:56:56

Do you have any pregnant friends you could 'borrow'?
If so, get them to bid/buy for some of the stuff, and then "give her a lift" to collect. And prepare your shocked/confused face
grin

Breadkneadslove Thu 23-Jan-14 17:58:43

I would message her back all sweet and innocent saying that it was very kind of her to re gift the items to her friends and family but say you just wanted to give her a heads up as the f&f are now trying to flog them online trying to make money from her generosity and that is very bad form!!!

Then wait and see what she has to say ;-)

Lesson learned OP

magentastardust Thu 23-Jan-14 18:07:38

I think you now need to reply and say that you have just seen that she is selling your clothes -as she wont have sold all 4 bin bags full yet , so you are now going to be letting her away with not only telling you a lie but also potentially continuing to sell the items when she has said she doesn't have them any longer.

Just say that you have seen her posts on a selling site just now , and could she please return any unsold items to you as they weren't hers to sell and that was never the intention.
Don't create a fuss if you don't want to , but don't let her treat you like a complete mug and go on selling behind your back. Gives you the upper hand to just politely let her know, that you know she is not being truthful and will stop her treating you like that again.

magentastardust Thu 23-Jan-14 18:11:16

I know it isn't nice if you aren't comfortable with confronting people, and you did well to text her , however you gave her an instant get out by not letting on you knew she was selling the clothes. She was obviously going to come back and say she didn't have them.

You can be assertive and have the control without lowering yourself to her standards.

Oh and never lend her anything again!

Sianilaa Thu 23-Jan-14 18:28:20

If I had made it perfectly clear that I was lending the clothes and expected them back then yes I would call her on it, tell her I knew she was selling them and ask for the money. They aren't hers to sell. I'd be damn angry!

Lesson learned the hard way OP.

MrsKoala Thu 23-Jan-14 18:29:03

I agree with expat, the moment i saw the clothes advertised i would have called/texted to say 'are those my things you are selling? confused '. And yes i actually really would ask for the money she made and then give it to a childrens charity. I'd be fucked if i'd let her gain from her dishonest behaviour. It's the kind of thing i could never let go. It's the concept rather than the reality. Even if she made 30p. It's the selfishness and entitledness (entitlement? are these even word?) that it entails.

candycoatedwaterdrops Thu 23-Jan-14 18:38:07

Tell her you know! Don't be a pushover. Do it do it do it!!

picnicbasketcase Thu 23-Jan-14 18:50:38

I agree with the poster who said you should ask for whatever's left back before she sells them. Or is she claiming that has given away four bin bags full of clothes away already, having kept none of it to use herself? Lying cow bag.

lljkk Thu 23-Jan-14 18:59:53

Not worth the fallout for OP to make a fuss with her DP's cousin.
But feel free to vent here loudly!!
If I were OP, I'd be minded to ham up how skint I was (moany texts and posts on FB, etc.)

FixItUpChappie Thu 23-Jan-14 19:02:01

I can't believe your not going to call her out.

Even trying to sell your sons gift is horrid behaviour. Regifting or passing on to charity is not the same as trying to turn a profit on something a friend has paid to give you. Greedy.

expatinscotland Thu 23-Jan-14 19:03:07

Totally worth falling out! She's a lying, thieving cow.

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 23-Jan-14 19:30:49

I could not let that go! You have to call her out on this!

I really really hate confrontation, but I still don't think I would be able to let this one go, especially since, as someone up thread has said, she almost certainly still has lots left and is still prepared to sell it even after lying to you.

lljkk Thu 23-Jan-14 19:39:06

Trying to decide what it would be like if OP pretended to be someone else, made arrangements to buy the items and turned up to buy them from the cousin...

yonisareforever Thu 23-Jan-14 19:43:52

Yes please don't let her do this, say, I saw you have been selling them and I thought you might come clean when I asked you about the clothes.

Can I please have any back you have not sold, my other friends are struggling and could do with some freebies.

yonisareforever Thu 23-Jan-14 19:44:36

why when someone acts like this do people let them get away with it, why not make her feel even a tiny bit un comfortable?

people act like shit then the person offended bends over backwards to make sure they dont feel bad!

lollipoppi Thu 23-Jan-14 19:53:49

Your right, I know you are, but I hate confrontation, I'm a quiet kind of person, and quite anxious, Even the thought of confronting her sends me into a panic which is exactly why she knows she can do this sort of thing

However, DP told his sister about it today when she came round, she is outraged and totally not the kind of person to keep her mouth shut!!

It's a bit of a cop out on my part, but I know it will get back to her through their family

I'm not even angry about it, just upset.

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 23-Jan-14 19:57:31

I hope her sister in law rips her head off!

I would be upset as well op.

sykadelic15 Thu 23-Jan-14 20:06:04

I agree with getting a friend (who isn't in your friends list) to buy them all up.

I would also contact her back and say: "I'll be around on x date, which should give you enough time to retrieve my property from your friends and family. Thanks for understanding!"

drivingmisslazy Thu 23-Jan-14 20:08:40

outrageous.

Can not believe someone would do that.

Bitofkipper Thu 23-Jan-14 20:14:44

Happened to me years ago. I found out because the person I gave the clothes to mentioned in passing afterwards that she'd got a lot of money for them as they were so nice.
I couldn't bring myself to say anything but the friendship fizzled out.
I have my own set of values and I wouldn't have wanted hers.

expatinscotland Thu 23-Jan-14 20:25:43

Get the SIL to confront her then, or your DP.

Rhubarbgarden Thu 23-Jan-14 21:02:56

I hope your SIL makes her squirm.

yonisareforever Thu 23-Jan-14 21:24:41

who likes confrontation?

as an adult confronting people is part of the package, anyway, glad your sil is going to say something and be outraged for you grin

SpottyDottie Thu 23-Jan-14 21:25:43

I really hope your SIL sorts this out as it cannot continue!

SlimJiminy Fri 24-Jan-14 11:52:50

Unbelievable. I'd comment on the ads and then send her a text asking for them back. She might be able to play the "I didn't realise you'd asked for them back" card, but if she's still selling things that she's told you have been given away, that's not a simple misunderstanding - she's just outright lying. Lots of people hate conflict, but at least with texts and the internet you have a screen to hide behind. I hope your SIL wipes the floor with her.

HamletsSister Sun 26-Jan-14 21:49:05

Has your SiL had a word yet?

Sharaluck Sun 26-Jan-14 22:16:21

I don't understand why you don't just say that you want th clothes back that are obviously still for sale confused why is that seen as confrontational?

Go around to her place, take sil and get the clothes back.

lollipoppi Sun 26-Jan-14 22:22:12

Yes SIL has had words!
I've not heard a word from her but have received some clothes back through SIL

expatinscotland Sun 26-Jan-14 22:34:43

BRAVO! Cheeky, grabby bitch!

ChasedByBees Sun 26-Jan-14 22:42:24

So she hadn't sold them all yet but still chose not to give them back? She's a thief.

MrsKoala Sun 26-Jan-14 22:56:43

i can't believe the balls on some people. She could have given you back what she had and said she'd kept the rest - still a lie, but at least not continuing to try to make money out of you. And she could have said she'd thought you gave them not leant them to her so were hers to sell. But she chose to continue the lie so she could make more money at your expense. What a thieving liar. I don't think i could ever be civil to her again OP.

I doubt she's sorry, just sorry she got caught. She probably bitching about it too. People like this are like a different species. I just cannot comprehend it.

hackneybird Sun 26-Jan-14 23:04:11

Good for your SIL.

What a cow.

ScrabbleBabble Sun 26-Jan-14 23:07:16

So she still had some for said .when she said they were all gone? The nerve!!

CSIJanner Sun 26-Jan-14 23:12:33

Let me guess - not even a bin bag full?

The cheeky mare could have at least sent a cheque....

sykadelic15 Sun 26-Jan-14 23:59:25

Oooo partial win! I'd expect the rest back as well. She needs to contact the people and tell them she's since found out they were stolen and has been told to get them back (but can't go into details) and refund them all their money.

She'll have their contact info still!

Oooo the nerve!

ColdTeaAgain Mon 27-Jan-14 00:33:30

Totally understand you not wanting the confrontation OP, especially as not your side of the family.

Glad that your SIL has called her up on it. Appalling behaviour, abusing someones kindness like that. And to think she's sold things that your friends would of had instead.

Well I suspect she won't be getting anymore hand me downs after this! Hope your SIL tells everyone, she deserves to be shamed. If she was desperate for cash it would be different but she obviously just sees £££ everywhere she looks!

lollipoppi Mon 27-Jan-14 08:45:59

I won't be having any further contact with her, she hasn't been in contact at all which is fine by me.
SIL and DP are beyond fuming with her.
I feel kind of bad that it's caused a bit of a rift within the family but that's on her head not mine

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