To think my toddler shouldn't be picked on at play group by a group of mums.

(70 Posts)
Charotte31 Tue 21-Jan-14 13:43:18

My 2 1/2 year old was playing in a car driving it around the part of the hall which is meant for this. A baby was crawling around that part of the room when my DD bumped into her. I was watching and she didn't mean to, she wouldn't it's not like her. The baby didn't cry. The mum come over and picked him up, which I would have done. I was coming over to see if he was ok but Then sat back down with 2 other mums and started pointing at my child and giving her evil looks. She's 2 for god sake!! I went over and asked what her problem was? We ended up having a real to do, not like me at these sort of places!
AIBU to want my child to be able to play, have an accident and not get bitched about by grown woman?!

She wasn't necessarily mean, you're overreacting. She pointed the kid out who banged into her child. That's it.

You're going to need to develop a much thicker skin if you're going to exist.

And what were you thinking having a 'huge to do' with a load of people over fuck all confused . How is that a good example to show the children

nennypops Tue 21-Jan-14 13:46:23

The problem seems to be with the way the play group is organised. If you have toddlers with cars and babies all mixed up together, this sort of incident is bound to happen. Can't they separate toddlers from babies? Anyway this mother should really have been supervising her baby better.

Mim78 Tue 21-Jan-14 13:48:09

Pa! You are right - your dd shouldn't have been picked on by a grown woman. And she should have been supervising her baby, not just letting it crawl off where toddlers are playing.

WeddingComingUp Tue 21-Jan-14 13:49:00

I went over and asked what her problem was?

YABU. You deserved a mouthful back, to be blunt. You felt you had the right to confront someone based on the way they were 'looking' at your dd?

Mmm.

Mordirig Tue 21-Jan-14 13:49:58

If she's dumb enough to let her baby crawl around with toddlers In toy cars then I doubt she is intelligent enough to realise it was not done in malice.
YANBU to be miffed at her getting shitty, but you should have just ignored her.

WeddingComingUp Tue 21-Jan-14 13:50:19

And plonking yourself down next to someone and talking, assumingly confidentially, to another grown up about a child that has (albeit accidentally) just injured your child is hardly 'picking' on.

BitOutOfPractice Tue 21-Jan-14 13:50:26

I think you got what you asked for tbh OP

Artandco Tue 21-Jan-14 13:51:06

Well they shouldn't have picked on her, but you didn't need I go and shout either. Couldn't you have just gone over and said 'sorry I just saw my little one bump into your baby, are they ok'? Then they would have realised you were watching and isn't usual occurrence and would have stopped

TheListingAttic Tue 21-Jan-14 13:54:33

I highly doubt your kid was aware she was getting 'evil looks' and being 'bitched about'. The woman should have been watching her baby better, but if I were you I'd have gone over to 'hope she's okay, and wouldn't it be better if there was a separate area for cars and crawling' - certainly not to aggressively ask what her problem was. Her problem was someone drove a car into her kid!

Davsmum Tue 21-Jan-14 13:55:26

YANBU
The babies mother should have been watching her child not blaming a 2 1/2 yr old for bumping into the child!

sebsmummy1 Tue 21-Jan-14 14:00:46

I don't think you are being unreasonable as it goes. I frequent soft play and playgroups etc and I'm pretty shocked at the behaviour of some of these Mothers. Especially the ones that seem to come in large groups and take over all the seating.

I've seen a fair few 'to dos', luckily none in my direction yet as I don't think my son is old enough. It does seem to be these hysterical Mothers with their pfbs, attacking the Mothers of older children because their darling has taken a bump.

To my mind if a child is so little that they can't take the odd knock they shouldn't be in an area that has larger children running about in it. It's different if it's a designated baby area, but if not just look after your bloody babies and stop starting on other Mothers who have older ones. It will be you soon enough when your LOs get bigger.

PurplePidjin Tue 21-Jan-14 14:01:22

I keep my crawling baby away from the ride-on area at groups because even if the toddlers do look, he's often too low down for them to see.

I do look askance at 4 year olds riding across the baby mat though angry

FayeKorgasm Tue 21-Jan-14 14:03:04

To be fair, OP, I don't think pointing and looking is really picking on your child.

It was an accident, and whilst you naturally want to defend and protect your child, this person feels just as strongly about hers. Think honestly about how you would have reacted if the situation was reversed.

Sadly, you did yourself no good at all having a go at her.

pinkdelight Tue 21-Jan-14 14:05:08

I think going over to someone who hasn't spoken to you and asking them 'what's your problem?' is really aggressive and totally OTT. It wasn't a big deal and you should have left it. No one was picking on your child. It was a very minor incident and if they want to talk about it, let them. Who cares? Instead you instigated a major conflict. Makes you seem either bonkers or rough (ie you like a fight) tbh.

OldBagWantsNewBag Tue 21-Jan-14 14:07:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhoNickedMyName Tue 21-Jan-14 14:11:59

She sat there and watched as her baby crawled around an area where a toddler was driving a toy car.

And you sat there and watched as your daughter, in a car, headed toward a baby and didn't try to stop her, even though you saw it all.

But going over to ask her what her problem was, was totally unnecessary. You could have diffused the non-situation quite easily and instead you came across as agressive and out for an argument.

needaholidaynow Tue 21-Jan-14 14:13:40

YANBU to have thought she shouldn't have been looking at your 2 year old like that. I wouldn't have confronted her though, just looked back her and raised a sarcastic eyebrow at her hmm <---- Something like this.

BitOutOfPractice Tue 21-Jan-14 14:27:24

need it is my lifelong ambition to be able to raise one eyebrow. It would change my life and communicate my feelings so often more effcetively than mere speech.

I've wanted to be able to do it since I saw Jadie Foster do it in Bugsy Malone in 1976 when I was 9

I'm still practising hmm

ChippingInWadesIn Tue 21-Jan-14 14:31:53

BOP - you've either got it or you ain't grin

hmmhmm

^^ thanks Dad smile

needaholidaynow Tue 21-Jan-14 14:36:29

I suppose I could just stick with THE GLARE. Very effective communication method!

TheXxed Tue 21-Jan-14 14:39:05

OP you made the wrong decision, you have no idea what they were saying. You created a confrontation and but was surprised by her reaction. hmm

Ifcatshadthumbs Tue 21-Jan-14 14:41:59

Unless you actually heard what they were saying YABU. It is possible that she was pointing at the ride on car and complaining about them being used in a group where small babies crawl around. Ride ons in toddler groups used to piss me right off (usually because it was my ds barrelling around on them so I'd be obliged to follow him everywhere and clear his path of small babies when all I wanted to do was sit down and drink my tea)

BitOutOfPractice Tue 21-Jan-14 14:54:07

chipping I ain't!

notso Tue 21-Jan-14 14:55:02

Me too BitOutOfPractice DD just did it after 1 day of practice. I just look like I can smell something horrible hmm

OP YABU.

formerbabe Tue 21-Jan-14 14:59:04

YANBU....I would have done the same as the op...

Alifelivedforwards Tue 21-Jan-14 15:00:47

Do mums really go at each other at soft play? I thought it was an urban myth...

Chivetalking Tue 21-Jan-14 15:03:25

I think both of you should have been watching what your kids were up to but.......having a massive to do at a toddler group?!

Deary me.

pianodoodle Tue 21-Jan-14 15:24:59

I've never seen a single interaction go well where the conversation was opened by someone being asked what their problem was grin

spritesoright Tue 21-Jan-14 15:35:03

I don't think it matters whether your DD did it intentionally or not. A baby was injured and I'm surprised you didn't go over and apologise immediately and get your DD to do the same.
Not her fault but next time she might watch where she's going. I'm not excusing the other mother's behaviour either.

needaholidaynow Tue 21-Jan-14 15:44:55

I bet the vast majority of 2 year olds do not understand having to go and say "sorry". My 2 year old DS certainly wouldn't understand. A 3/4 year old yes, but a 2 year old? You're being very optimistic there.

OxfordBags Tue 21-Jan-14 15:48:49

Your DD probably didn't see the other mothers pointing at her,but I bet she saw you acting aggressively and 'having a to-do'. That will have been far more horrible for her than not knowing that two adults might be casting aspersion on her. A crappy example and potentially distressing for not just her, but all the other little ones there. Really ill-thought out behaviour.

You made the situation far worse than you needed to. You watched your daughter hurt a smaller child accidentally and then were annoyed that the mother was displeased?! If you had apologised on her behalf, or got her to apologise (depending on her language skills or likeliness to talk to an unfamiliar adult), I bet the other mum would have had no issue, and you would also have taught your daughter an easy lesson about manners and thoughtfulness.

Pawprint Tue 21-Jan-14 15:59:05

I think you were unreasonable in arguing with the other mother.

When my ds was a toddler, a slightly older child deliberately ran over him in a wooden go kart. I wasn't very cross with the other child, but I was furious because they mother saw it and did nothing.

Wallison Tue 21-Jan-14 16:03:30

I agree that you should have apologised, and ideally got your daughter to apologise too. Not because she was in the wrong (obviously it was an accident) but because it's one of those situations where it smooths things over if you say sorry, and that's a good lesson to learn. Asking someone what their problem is is rude and confrontational - did you really think it would defuse the situation? Getting into a ruck at a toddler group is unseemly and undignified.

kali110 Tue 21-Jan-14 16:14:13

Yabu. You sound really agressive just in your post so you got what you deserved. Starting a row in front of the little ones is terrible.

BeCool Tue 21-Jan-14 16:21:10

I agree that asking someone what their problem is aggressive - but it is also defensive too! Neither the toddler or the baby did anything 'wrong' - they were just being a toddler and baby.

Going over and starting a non-defensive conversation about what happened is much more likely to result in a sensible conversation and possible prevent the next baby getting run over - "Is she OK? Do you think we need to talk to the organizers to make out the car riding area better to stop the babies crawling into the space?" or something sensible.

ikeaismylocal Tue 21-Jan-14 16:37:32

Yabu. For all you know the woman could have been sitting pointing at the ride on and say "it's ridiculous, that area where kids play on ride ons is not properly fenced of so the babies can just crawl in there"

You should watch and supervise your child if they don't have the ability to avoid other small children. My ds is obsessed with push along toys, I spend alot of time at playgroups following him around, if he ever hit anyone especially a smaller child I'd feel terrible and apologise profusely.

Balaboosta Tue 21-Jan-14 16:43:28

YABU. Just that.

Balaboosta Tue 21-Jan-14 16:45:03

Oh and your thread title is misleading. A group of mums did not "pick on" your daughter. You "picked on" the mother of a child your DD had just mown down. Think about it.

diddl Tue 21-Jan-14 16:46:00

You really asked her what her problem was?

Blimey, that would get my back up.

You couldn't ask after the baby, tell your daughter to be more careful & comment on how silly it is that babies can get into that area & crawl around?

Were both going so fast that a collision was unavoidable?

Going over to the other Mum wasn't the best course of action was it?

What sort of to-do <nosey> , was there swearing, eye balling over the duplo and brio and or passive aggressive insults smiled towards each other?

NewtRipley Tue 21-Jan-14 17:13:27

Did you apologise to the other mum and make sure her baby was OK?

Of course it wasn't your DD's fault, and of course other parents should understand that, but a bit of smoothing over wouldn't go amiss

Joolsy Tue 21-Jan-14 17:13:50

Yes, she's only 2 but I've seen many 2 y/olds behaving aggressively. There was a story recently about a 2 y/o who beat a 3 y/o black & blue and terrorised her over a period of time, so age doesn't really come into it.

NewtRipley Tue 21-Jan-14 17:15:12

Also, unless she touched your DD or shouted at her, she wasn't picking on her.

I am v glad to be past this stage, it's very stressful.

DrankSangriaInThePark Tue 21-Jan-14 17:16:53

So, this woman and her mates who were picking on your daughter, actually, erm, weren't, were they?

Tell you what though. Next time you go, they really are going to be pointing at you and inching slowly away, in case you get all gobby again.

Did it cross your mind, at any stage in the proceedings, to smile ruefully and say "oops, sorry about that, dd is only little, sure she didn't mean to run your baby over! I'll keep a closer eye on her next time!"

Because that, of course, is what you should have done.

TheWitTank Tue 21-Jan-14 17:27:34

What was her reaction when you spoke with her? I think you totally over reacted. So what if they were giving your DD "evils"? She is 2, she won't have a clue. If they want to be that ridiculous, let them get on with it. They could have been pointing out how unsuitable the ride on area was, or discussing something completely different. To have a "to do" in front of your children will have been far more emotionally destructive than a few supposed evil eyes that I doubt your DD even noticed or understood. I bloody detest soft play/toddler groups and this is why! Far too many over emotional/aggressive/mummy lion parents ready to kick off at nothing's.

coco44 Tue 21-Jan-14 17:37:24

perhps they were discussing how the hallo could be better laid out to avoid future bumps.
Honestly you sound like a psycho! and I am not sure how your DC was 'picked on'?

kali110 Tue 21-Jan-14 18:52:41

Plus you didnt say sorry did you?you got up to go over and then sat back down. Maybe she was pointing at you and commenting that it would have been nice if you had asked if her child was alright.

spritesoright Wed 22-Jan-14 14:26:39

need a holiday my 2 year old is perfectly capable of saying sorry or giving a hug. She may not fully understand the implications but it's never too early to practice good manners.

LongRoadToRuin Wed 22-Jan-14 14:38:06

I was with you until you and totally on your side until you went over and asked the other mum what her problem was. This is not isolated, these sort of mums are everywhere. I hate that accusatory, over-protective sort of mum but they are in every play centre, play group and moms n toddlers I ever went to. If you were annoyed enough to say something then you could have made your point in a friendly way.

BeCool Wed 22-Jan-14 14:54:15

OP has legged it.

LittleBearPad Wed 22-Jan-14 15:00:45

Your dd wasn't picked on. You completely over reacted and you sound very aggressive.

MeepMeepVrooooom Wed 22-Jan-14 15:44:47

For what it's worth OP I probably would have done the same. But then I am not very good at keeping my mouth shut when it comes to DD. I'm not saying it's one of my good traits but it's one I have and one I can't seem to change.

MeepMeepVrooooom Wed 22-Jan-14 15:45:57

Oh except I wouldn't have had a "to do" I would of kept it civil but I would have said something.

HaroldLloyd Wed 22-Jan-14 15:55:43

I would have been irritated but said nothing.

These type of people do exist at soft play I have seen them, sometimes I think it's as they only have a baby and no real experience of toddlers.

LeafyGreen13 Wed 22-Jan-14 16:02:11

I would have apologized and asked if the baby was ok.

HaroldLloyd Wed 22-Jan-14 16:28:48

I don't go over and apologise to gangs of mums giving shitty looks any more, since last time I did they were bloody scary and I was in fear of getting a punch.

NewtRipley Wed 22-Jan-14 16:35:24

I think baby and toddler groups are stressful when populated by overly-defensive and judgmental parents of toddlers or babies.

bodygoingsouth Wed 22-Jan-14 16:42:52

oh dear op do you really want to be that mom

why didn't you just go over to say hope your ds is ok and then speak to the person in charge about separate areas for crawling babies and tossers in bykes.

obviously a disaster waiting to happen.

if someone sat my me and said 'what's your problem' I would assume you were well a bit rough to be honest.

bodygoingsouth Wed 22-Jan-14 16:43:46

ooooo sorry bad typo, obviously toddlers not the other word.

Lemonfairydust Wed 22-Jan-14 16:52:20

Are you being unreasonable to expect grown women to not 'pick on' your child?

No, of course not.

Are you being unreasonable by going over and shouting the odds?

Probably.

FeegleFion Wed 22-Jan-14 17:26:23

Are you going back next week OP? Why not take a posse and have a great big brawl outside, at the end of the session? I'll hold the coats grin

What a bloody palava. This is why I'd rather spend my days with 13month old DS alone & away from ludicrous situations like yours!

Onesiegoddess Wed 22-Jan-14 17:34:51

I think it's fine for a mum to have a bit if a whinge about a child that has driven into her baby. Shouldn't you have just gone over and said ' I'm very sorry my child bumped yours' and then asked you child to be careful round little ones.

OldBagWantsNewBag Wed 22-Jan-14 17:52:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

itsnotthateasy Wed 22-Jan-14 19:36:51

Poor Woman .(OP) .. Attacked on here for going up to some gossiping bats who should not have picked on a child . . And the Mother who let her baby crawl to a designated area for ride on toys should just look at herself on where the blame lies.

rideyourbike Wed 22-Jan-14 21:18:00

That mother should have been watching her baby more carefully. Mother and baby groups aren't always friendly places. Have you tried your local sure start centre. We used to do messy play, it was fab and friendly!

quietlysuggests Wed 22-Jan-14 21:24:39

YABU

You are the crazy aggressive woman in this situation.
Did you seriously march over to her and say "What the hell is your problem blah blah blah"?
That's crazy.
Maybe you live in a really tough place and you have to teach your child that only the tough survive?
You should teach her to say "You disrespecktin me YO"
All your problems will be sorted when she can fight her own fights and you can cheer her on from the sidelines!!

fluterby Wed 22-Jan-14 21:40:47

Hmm no, i think if you have a baby at a toddler group, you need to appreciate there are unguided missiles there (i.e. three year olds) and keep them safe. It's unfortunate you don't really get this until yours is three. Then you understand.

emsyj Wed 22-Jan-14 21:57:27

Did you actually hear what was said? It doesn't seem so. You don't mention anything in your OP to suggest that you heard them talking about your DD. For all you know, the mum might have been saying, "That area is clearly for cozy coupes, maybe we shouldn't let the babies crawl over there any more - see that area there, where that little girl is playing <points> - it's for the cars - do you know is that her mum over there? Do you know her at all? I think I recognise her <looks at you idly to see if she recognises you, with no particular ill intent or deep thought>" Then suddenly BAM, there you are with your confrontational "What's your problem?" YABU I'm afraid. You have no idea what they were saying or thinking.

If you'd heard them say something nasty about your DD, you could go over and say, "I can hear you talking about my daughter, please stop" - but you were aggressive and there was no call for that.

yonisareforever Wed 22-Jan-14 22:20:11

its so painful.

an adult snatched a beaker out of my 14 months hand on Tuesday then two ladies had a conversation over me, they were sat either side of me, it was my first time at a group for ages.

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