AIBU as a newbie here to wonder why some of the users here can be so judgemental?

(42 Posts)
Newmummee Mon 20-Jan-14 22:11:51

I have noticed that sometimes people ask things and if another doesn't agree they can be quite rude or blunt about it. Some things I read are quite judgemental as I'm sure we do not know the full stories or backgrounds of others.
Also are there any lighthearted / jokey sections on this forum?

FortyDoorsToNowhere Mon 20-Jan-14 22:14:44

Some thread can get that way, but AIBU can be very supportive and has helped a lot of people.

Sparklysilversequins Mon 20-Jan-14 22:16:15

Chat is better if AIBU is a bit too harsh, which I agree it can be.

Iamavapernow Mon 20-Jan-14 22:20:36

It's human nature to judge. It's a instinctive reaction. AIBU is where you will find the worst of the bluntness on mumsnet. However the whole forum's reputation is of bluntness, truth, to the point.. etc. Maybe another forum would be more to uour taste?

There are light hearted convos and jokes here too, mostly in individual threads. I guess you just have to browse and find them.

Iamavapernow Mon 20-Jan-14 22:21:07

*an instinctive reaction.

Iamavapernow Mon 20-Jan-14 22:21:49

*your taste.

grin

Marcelinewhyareyousomean Mon 20-Jan-14 22:22:08

Perspective has something to do with it too. Differences of opinion can come across in a harsher way than they are intended. I was accused of starting a thread about a thread and being nasty. I can't go on active conversations on my tablet and had no idea what the other poster was on about.

yonisareforever Mon 20-Jan-14 22:24:09

well we are the public and the public is generally....

there is also a core of my lot in life is worse than yours who tend to bring some misery in their wake, but there are utterly hilarious posters too...light hearted and wonderful.
Ignore the nasty ones and stick up for people if you can be bothered.

maillotjaune Mon 20-Jan-14 22:24:34

Yep this is a form with a reputation for bluntness. If you are being a twat you will be told so.

OTOH if you need support you will get it - often on an amazing level. Just not in AIBU!

Mintyy Mon 20-Jan-14 22:24:38

You're better off avoiding the Aibu topic!

MeepMeepVrooooom Mon 20-Jan-14 22:27:38

The AIBU section can be ruthless but I personally have found alot of support here. I think the main thing to realise with AIBU is that people will tell you exactly how it is/how they see it.

Other parts of MN for example "chat" aren't quite as bad sometimes but people will still be fairly blunt if/when they think it is needed.

TBH it's part of why I like it. If I post in AIBU I tend to run for cover in case of a flaming but it hasn't happened to me quite yet.

Try _Chat which is in the Fun & Games section. AIBU isn't for the faint-hearted.

DramaAlpaca Mon 20-Jan-14 22:38:14

I think you're being quite brave to start a thread in AIBU!

Chat tends to be much kinder on the whole, and can be very funny.

When you are new it's a good idea to browse around & find the topics that suit you & your personality. There's something for everyone here.

PedlarsSpanner Mon 20-Jan-14 22:40:35

_chat is less um er boisterous

ROAR at DramaAlpaca, what a bloody GREAT name

GREEN WITH ENVY

Thatisall Mon 20-Jan-14 22:43:48

I think AIBU by nature is blunt because AIBU is a blunt question. People answer the question really honestly and while sometimes it can be cruel, sometimes that brutal honesty is really helpful. I've been flamed twice and put in my place a few times and hinestly it's probably done me good and made me reassess alot of things.

Problems really start when you've been on here years and start dishing out AIBU-strength honesty in RL. It's messy, don't do it grin

MadBusLady Mon 20-Jan-14 22:43:58

That's the internet.

DramaAlpaca Mon 20-Jan-14 22:44:03

Thank you PedlarsSpanner smile

StarSwirl92 Tue 21-Jan-14 00:12:47

Hang on, I thought this was why we're called vipers...

I've found that some posters are arsey across the forum, it isn't just aibu.

These people are nasty just because they feel they can be on an anonymous internet forum.

One person chucks in a grenade then others pile in and join.

Having said that some goady twats who post get the pasteing they sometimes thoroughly deserve..

My advice is think before you post something personal and sensitive.

Sparklingbrook Tue 21-Jan-14 07:25:30

YY give AIBU a swerve and head for Chat, or one of the interest topics. if you want to get information post in the relevant topic.

Ignore the goadys and the professionally offended people, report anything that breaks the guidelines to MNHQ, and don't be an arse yourself, and you will be fine.

MN is no different to life. Think how many arseholes you meet every day. grin

Notputtingupwithanyonescrap Tue 21-Jan-14 09:33:47

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

meditrina Tue 21-Jan-14 09:37:23

MN is full of MNetters - and there isn't a single "type". Though I'm sure if you think there is you will find lots of examples to confirm your bias.

AIBU is blunt.

If you want lighter, try chat.

Or the relevant topic - especially if you have a question where posters with expertise/interest in that area are likely to be the most helpful/sympathetic or share humour about similar circumstances.

CuttedUpPear Tue 21-Jan-14 09:39:28

<proudly polishes Nest Of Vipers badge>

StormEEweather Tue 21-Jan-14 09:47:00

You might have to be a bit robust for AIBU but it can be really supportive too. I had a thread in a previous username where I asked if I was BU and over 90 people agreed that yes, I was, but only three resorted to insults. As a result I changed my mind and DCs are the better for it. I have also used the Relationships and Mental Health parts and had some amazing help with really hard issues. Mumsnet is ace.

mrstigs Tue 21-Jan-14 09:50:30

I found aibu first and never really move from it. I like the frankness tbh, and find the posters who regularly use this topic have a fantastic sense of humour and give really honest opinions without dressing it up so to keep everyone happy. If you just have the need for everyone to agree with and like you then other topics can do that for you, but if you ask 'aibu?' you need to remember people are just as likely to say 'hell yes' as they are 'no of course not'.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 21-Jan-14 09:53:16

Hello Newmummee smile

It's not one of the fluffy boards but there are some great posters here.

Keep reading and you'll see people speak their mind but it's not just vicious there's a lot of common sense and plain speaking. We do only get one side of the story if you like but that's the Internet for you. If you think oh that can't possibly be true and suspect a troll don't call it press Report.

Click on Topics and go down the list to the Fun and Games section, there are things like Chat or Telly Addicts or Only Joking and Sleb Twaddle.

PenguinDancer Tue 21-Jan-14 09:53:24

Everybody judges all the time. You are judging the people on here for how they say things.

This isn't RL and you don't have to sugar coat things. If people come on asking questions or ready for a debate, they will get straight answers. Cuts out the normal bollocks we deal with in RL.

Tiredemma Tue 21-Jan-14 09:55:54

The problem with AIBU is that people generally start a thread and really want all posters to agree with them.

There is some nonsense on there though. I do wonder how people cope in real life.

Damnautocorrect Tue 21-Jan-14 09:56:21

I came on here when I had my little one, I felt so judged and like a failure. I felt like the shittest mum in the world.
Now he's older I know I did a good job and did what was right for him/ me/ our family.

Seems to me you only feel it is judgemental rather than supportive when the person is offering a different opinion to yours but that is the nature of AIBU.

I don't even think AIBU is as harsh as its reputation comes across - there are some good debates yes, some get quite heated but on the whole people aren't being judgemental. I think there is a difference between blunt and telling it how you see it and being judgemental. I suspect that others don't necessarily agree with that but again, that is because they hold opposite views. If they agreed with you and you were speaking your mind, they'd call you supportive!

Never forget either, that nuance and sarcasm are sometimes lost when threads move fast and people don't have time to write what they really mean and check that it isn't going to offend.

Of course there are some vipers who really don't care but you learn to rise above them.grin

Fecklessdizzy Tue 21-Jan-14 10:16:39

Clue's in the title, I'm afraid ... If you want unadulterated lurve and hugs don't post in AIBU!

Actually some of the most helpful posts I've had have been the ones telling me I'm being a twat! ( DP's ghastly hair thread in particular ... grin )

CuttedUpPear Tue 21-Jan-14 11:23:57

OP can I ask if you tried any other parenting forums before coming here?

Some of the others are are bit more fun and fluffy and they have sparkly tickers

Newmummee Tue 21-Jan-14 13:34:24

•Cutted• this is my first mums forum I've come on as only recently had a baby..... I wasn't saying I don't like it here just commenting on what I thought, also I'm not looking for fluffy fun more like banter and wit, feel like everything a bit toooooo serious here at times is all, like some people maybe should lighten up

ChippingInWadesIn Tue 21-Jan-14 13:38:10

It always interests me why someone new would start a thread saying how they dislike something... I wouldn't dream of trolling another website nor telling the posters how horrible they are, there are plenty of sites out there, if I didn't like it I'd look for another one.

HoneyDragon Tue 21-Jan-14 13:43:35

Aaaaaah, mumsnet isn't just a mums forum. Which is a good thing not a bad thing.

Anyway, welcome smile, how olds your lo?

fromparistoberlin Tue 21-Jan-14 13:48:00

yes, especially if you are a STEPMOTHER

Tweasels Tue 21-Jan-14 14:50:56

Hmm, banter and wit? <looks under sofa>. Nope nothing there. Just serious, serious shit here.

CuttedUpPear Tue 21-Jan-14 14:53:54

What Chipping says ^

If you take some time to read threads around the site, there are people asking for advice on all sorts of serious matters, such as adoption, life threatening illnesses, domestic violence and so on. They get fantastic support here, both virtual and practical, and I think that's how a lot of posters started up here - when they needed help in a crisis.

If you take a look at the Woolly Hugs threads you will see the kind of thing I mean.

Tiredemma Tue 21-Jan-14 14:57:29

Ive had nothing but support on here. Crying babies, weaning babies, advice on applying for college, advice on applying for Uni, advice on applying for a job, venting about family members, stressing about finding myself PG last year with DC3, back to looking for support with non-sleeping new baby and also how to lose weight and keep fit.

Great advice on here if you want it.

Avoid AIBU.

Alifelivedforwards Tue 21-Jan-14 14:58:50

Because Mumsnet is made up of thousands of individual people - rather than one homogenous clump of people who respond and behave in one way.

So, just as in real life, some users are more judgemental than others.

HTH.

Chippingnortonset123 Tue 21-Jan-14 15:08:35

Chipping, you will be relieved to hear that I am changing my name on Friday. No internet here at the moment and relying on phone. Apologies for any inconvenience caused.

Op, it can be hard if you go against the grain. As far as I can tell, some people spend their lives on here. I would imagine that causing friction creates interest. Look out for the names that come up all the time. I would imagine that they don't work.

Chippingnortonset123 Tue 21-Jan-14 15:14:04

(Chipping, esp apologies on Christmas Eve)

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