What presents/money amount you received for your wedding?

(125 Posts)
busylizzy12 Mon 20-Jan-14 16:15:53

Excatly that, really. If you don't mind?....

Bearbehind Mon 20-Jan-14 16:18:06

Are you getting married soon OP? If you are and you are going to ask for money/ presents I hope you fluff it up a bit better than your post ! grin

YouTheCat Mon 20-Jan-14 16:19:26

3 toasters, some towels, a linen basket and an electric can opener. grin

HappyMummyOfOne Mon 20-Jan-14 16:20:49

Charming post, isn't the wedding supposed to be about the joining of man and wife rather than figuring out what you can get out of people?

Unexpected Mon 20-Jan-14 16:21:00

Is there a particular reason you want to know what gifts other people received for their wedding?

busylizzy12 Mon 20-Jan-14 16:21:01

Ha, no no - already married. I put it in AIBU simply because I got to thinking about the issue after having a conversation with an extremely ungrateful bridezilla type. I won't bore you.

WaveySky Mon 20-Jan-14 16:21:15

None. We asked people not to as our wedding was abroad for most (we live out of the UK) and quite a few people were traveling so having them there was enough.

katienana Mon 20-Jan-14 16:23:37

Gifts ranging from value of £20-£300. Some people gave cash/cheques, about £100 average. I think we had about £700 cash plus all the stuff off the gift list (food processor, kettle, toaster, glasses, clock, casserole dish, photo frames, bedding, various small kitchen items like baking trays, bowls etc). I used some of the cash to buy the full dinner service which no one touched on the list.

Unexpected Mon 20-Jan-14 16:25:00

Well I got married 20+ years ago - big, traditional wedding with about 120 guests. We got amazingly generous gifts - money (as we lived abroad at the time), saucepans, knives and other kitchen stuff, crystal and Wedgewood dinner service, towels and lots of other stuff like a cheese board, ice bucket, photo frames etc - no toaster though!

Twinkletron Mon 20-Jan-14 16:25:46

We got given about £1500 in total which totally shocked us!!

loveulotslikejellytots Mon 20-Jan-14 16:26:08

We got £2000 in holiday vouchers and cash. We wereshockshockshockshock as we'd not asked for anything in the invitations etc. we paid for our honeymoon with it.

DH's work colleagues accounted for a large chunk, he works with 20 odd guys who all clubbed together and his boss gave us £500.

I'm also the only Grandaughter on my Dads side and my GP's gave us £250. We were very shocked.

loveulotslikejellytots Mon 20-Jan-14 16:28:00

Sorry, that also included vouchers for shops too e.g. Debenhams etc. surprisingly we didn't get one 'present' as such (toaster etc).

randomAXEofkindness Mon 20-Jan-14 16:30:42

We got £50 off my brother. And a potted plant off PIL.

Ya bunch of jammie bastards grin

AdmiralData Mon 20-Jan-14 16:31:15

Roughly £600 cash. A Breville toasted sandwich machine. Photo frames. A china horse shoe. Chocolate bars with our names and wedding date on. Matching teatowels and oven mitts. A Yankee 'Wedding Day' candle. A new set of cutlery.

Would have given all that just to have my family not act like a bunch of twats.

For what it's worth we didn't expect any gifts and were gobsmacked and very grateful.

twinkletoedelephant Mon 20-Jan-14 16:32:19

We were already living together so didn't 'ask' for gifts we know some family were really struggling.... We went on honeymoon to Kenya some lovely family members paid for ' activities' to do when we were out there.... A few aunts and cousins grouped together to get us a balloon ride which was amazing. Some upgraded our dinner from buffet to the grill restraunt etc... Or a day out dolphin watching

One of my aunts couldn't get past the no presents idea and bought us a knife block and bread bowl..... I use them daily smile

newestbridearound Mon 20-Jan-14 16:34:09

We got about 2700 in cash and vouchers- I was shock at that as we didn't include gift lists or poems, in fact I wrote we didn't want anything in the invites just their company. Having been bed bound for a couple of years prior I genuinely meant it too.
1000 was all from one elderly relative though, who wanted to give us something to set up home with. Sadly she passed away very soon after so we used some of it to buy a canvas with our photo on smile We used the rest to redo our kitchen and gave some to charity. Still have some left in savings for the future.

Osmiornica Mon 20-Jan-14 16:34:45

We had a charity wedding list so had a few goats, a few chickens and some school supplies amongs many others but probably not what you're after (why are you asking?)

We had a few gifts of cash that were very generous and a bit embarrassing. DH's cousin gave us £100 and then got married a couple of years later so we felt beholden to give her the same when normally we wouldn't spend anywhere near that.

We went to a wedding recently complete with cash requesting poem. We gave them vouchers for a restaurant we know they like. I hate giving cash.

ApocalypseThen Mon 20-Jan-14 16:35:21

We got money, mainly, around 2k each, shockingly generous. We also got lots of tea light holders, lots if glasses, canteen of cutlery, photo frames, tea set...

firesidechat Mon 20-Jan-14 16:35:59

I got married nearly 30 years ago at a time when most couples were setting up home together when they married. We received anything from a tea towel to a toaster.

If you're asking how much is appropriate to spend on a wedding present now, I would spend approx. £60 for a close friend or relative if I was invited to the whole do. Maybe slightly less if I was just an evening guest. Saying that we've been invited to the evening do of close friend's children twice (we knew the bride and groom very well too) and still spent about £60. Both couples were in fact setting up their first homes and we were very fond of them, so I felt inclined to be generous.

FairytaleOfNY Mon 20-Jan-14 16:38:50

We had a charity wedding list so had a few goats, a few chickens and some school supplies
^^
This - although we were also given one set of pots and pans grin

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Mon 20-Jan-14 16:40:35

When we got married the gifts ranged from a bottle of bucks Fizz to a lawn mower. We got mostly bottles of wine, photo frames and a few vouchers for DIY stores.

YouTheCat Mon 20-Jan-14 16:45:01

Oh yes, about 10 whisky glasses and a set of 4 sherry glasses.

I have one sherry glass left and the ex kept the whisky glasses.

Pigsmummy Mon 20-Jan-14 16:47:19

About £5K in cash in various currency. £450 in Thomas cook vouchers, beautiful crockery, linen and lots of picture frames. Champagne too.

SlightlyDampWellies Mon 20-Jan-14 16:48:46

Please bore us with the bridezilla story! I love them.

We did not ask for presents, but suggested if people really wanted to give us some, then please could they be rose bushes. We got a lot of rose bushes- about 7, plus some organic fertiliser. smile (The dog ate that though and was sick).

Then we got some lovely cut glass vases, and a most amazing gift of £5k from DH's aunt. We were overwhelmed.

DH;s parents said they already shelled out for his first wedding and whatever DH retained in the divorce could be for us. grin That sounds pretty brutal, but I get on great with them and it was very pragmatic I thought!

queenofthemountains Mon 20-Jan-14 16:55:27

We asked for cash to give to CLAPA and East Grinstead QVH. We got £800 which totally amazed us.

Megrim Mon 20-Jan-14 17:12:10

I gave my sister a pony for her wedding present (he was to be a companion for her slightly manic horse). Not sure what her DH thought about that though. Think he's allergic to them.

You have to spill the beans on the bridezilla story ...

elliejjtiny Mon 20-Jan-14 17:24:28

We got cash and household stuff (towels, bedding, saucepans etc)

We were very lucky.... very very lucky. We have a big family and had 148 day guests.

My parents paid for our entire wedding. We got over £4500 in cash, £500ish in John Lewis vouchers, £350ish in Debenhams vouchers, around £300 of vouchers for various shops, enough meal vouchers to keep us going until after our first anniversary (we had to get some of the dates extended), a weekend in Paris (my grandparents), a weekend in Aviemore (my dsis), dinner services, cutlery, towels, bedding, crystal candle holders, picture frames, photo albums etc...

Oh and lots of champagne... we have put three particularly nice case away for when our DC's get married smile.

BobaFetaCheese Mon 20-Jan-14 17:27:45

I have no idea (it was almost 4 years ago after all) but PIL paid for our double glazing as a wedding present <practical>

Queenofthemountains, how awesome! I really wish we went for charity donations (we didn't ask for anything, but people got us unmemorable stuff).

MrsGarlic Mon 20-Jan-14 17:27:54

I don't mind sharing. We received around £2k in cash gifts ranging from £10 - £200 (that one really shocked us, a very generous family friend of H's), and a cash gift of £5k from my grandparents - these we put towards the deposit on our first home together. Our parents offered us £5k and £8k but this was to pay for the wedding only - mine put in more as they wanted quite a lot of extra guests (we had 200 for a sit-down meal and this is considered a small wedding for them!).

We also had a gift list, with items ranging from £3 to just over £100 with most stuff in the lower ranges, and were bought many lovely things including crockery, decorative items and general household things. We did live together before the wedding but hadn't lived together long and certainly didn't have full sets of anything, we were just making do with odds and ends given away by parents (MIL especially likes to 'get rid of' perfectly usable things on a regular basis - this I do not complain about grin).

One friend of ours bought us a lovely photo frame and put in a letter he'd written to the pair of us. It was funny and sweet, and we were very touched by it.

We didn't put anything in the invitations.

hopelessadventure Mon 20-Jan-14 17:28:43

1,000 pounds from one Aunt and Uncle. A king sized bed, bedroom furniture, cutlery, entire Denby set, pots and pans, vases, towels, a week's holiday, a dining table, a Kenwood chef, picture frames and lots of other bits and pieces.

JRmumma Mon 20-Jan-14 17:33:14

We got about £3k i think and it paid for our honeymoon. Range from £300 to £20. We got a few presents, a canvas of our fave wedding pic, a mr and Mrs ornament, our cake and guest books were also presents. Some people gave a card or nothing too.

The best present was that everyone always tells us how much they enjoyed the day and 'will always remember our wedding' for various reasons.

I think its important that people only feel like they only need to give what they can afford, of they feel like they have to give anything.

betman Mon 20-Jan-14 17:46:49

We got about £600 in vouchers and cash (including £200 from a friend of Dh's long deceased grandparents who they helped out many years ago and we have never met). We had a list that we got a coffee machine, sat nav, crockery, towels, duvets, pillows, DVDs, a camera, knives and other general household stuff. We were surprised at everyone's generosity!

PonceyPeas Mon 20-Jan-14 19:02:23

We specifically asked for no presents, and didn't have a gift list as we already lived together and we lucky enough to have everything we needed in our house. We still recieved over £1000 in vouchers or cash.

Clayhead Mon 20-Jan-14 19:04:31

We had no wedding list/didn't ask for gifts. Got some lovely little things though! I'm not sure on the value - £200 ish?

CooCooCachoo Mon 20-Jan-14 19:13:59

About £4,500 which was a surprise. We did a gift list but hardly got used - we didn't mind as it was linked to a honeymoon we'd already paid for. DH wasn't surprised at all as his side are French and lots of French friends came too - cash is standard I have now come to discover .

We try to be equally generous when attending weddings, gifts in region of 200 euros.

A good friend recently married however and was really put out that some people only gave £30 in cash. SHe had set up a gift list asking for contributions for honeymoon. She said afterwards that surely £50 was the bare minimum. I wasn't sure how to take that!

SpookedMackerel Mon 20-Jan-14 19:14:38

We got married 13 years ago. We had a wedding list -we were setting up home and had hardly owned anything-which ran out quickly (we weren't expecting people to buy multiple items!) and we also received some vouchers. We had about 60 people to the wedding and I still remember what everyone gave us, and often think of them when I use their presents. Though some things have got broken over the years. I just broke the teapot the other day, and still feel sad about it.

Wineandchoccy Mon 20-Jan-14 19:14:38

We received approx £2000 in money even though we didn't ask for gifts we used it for new floor and wall tiles in the kitchen.

A work colleague of DH's gave us a plant pot that his children had decorated with our names and date of wedding and filled it with herbs it's still pride of place in our kitchen nearly 6 years later, cheap present but I love it!

We also got a box all beautifully wrapped and thought wow I wonder what's in there when we eventually got through all the tissue paper it was a packet of condoms, chocolate sauce, strawberries, champagne, and a do not disturb sign from one of the ushers grin

cantthinkofagoodone Mon 20-Jan-14 19:21:31

Varied massively but a lot. We put tonnes on our gift list and that all went, we really didn't expect it though but was great as we had nothing. We also got cash & vouchers. Everything came to about £4k.

Very pleasantly surprised!

leezl Mon 20-Jan-14 19:23:36

I didn't want to ask for gifts, or at least only for charity donations. DM and DH persuaded me that people would get us gifts if we asked for them or not, so I caved and tried to ask for honeymoon donations in the least cheeky way possible (impossible) as we hadn't had a holiday in years. We received just over £1000 from approx 30-50 guests which was crazy and unexpected (but lovely and paid for our honeymoon in it's entirety!). We also had £100 M&S vouchers and a set of glasses :D

MichaelFinnigan Mon 20-Jan-14 19:27:25

Nothing. We eloped

So to carry on the prying theme: those of you paid for your own weddings, do you think you broke even, did you get as much back in gifts as you spent? (I know how mercenary that sounds, but it's something I've wondered about on occasion)

BillyNotQuiteNoMates Mon 20-Jan-14 19:34:53

17 years ago, No cash, mainly smallish presents - ranging from a set of radiator airers to a duvet cover but a very dear uncle was most upset that we couldn't afford a honeymoon and paid for a week away smile

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle Mon 20-Jan-14 19:43:40

Oh go on op, tell us about the bridezilla!

leezl Mon 20-Jan-14 19:54:53

MichaelFinnigan we paid for everything ourselves and probably spent £6000 in total, so we definitely didn't break even, but I was chuffed that we had such a lovely day for such a relatively "small" amount (not small at all when not in wedding context, of course!) and never expected any gifts to come anywhere near the amount we spent.

Ragwort Mon 20-Jan-14 19:59:21

Nothing grin - we had a very small wedding, 7 guests and specified 'no presents' - it was my second wedding and we both had our own homes. I think a couple of people (on DH's side) gave us a small gift afterwards - actually I still use one of the dishes I was given, very useful (just celebrated our 25th anniversary smile.

WorrySighWorrySigh Mon 20-Jan-14 20:16:29

Small wedding 20 odd years ago, nothing in the invitations. We got all sorts of very traditional things as we were just setting up house together:

a mirror
a bed
an ironing board
towels
place mats
garden strimmer

all very much appreciated and used until they wore out

ButICantaloupe Mon 20-Jan-14 20:18:13

We had cash gifts ranging between £15 and £4,000

GirlWithTheDirtyShirt Mon 20-Jan-14 20:21:23

We received about £4k towards our honeymoon. We've managed to get two trips out of it - a week in New York for DH and I and a few nights in Paris/Disney for us and DD. We were stunned by the amount we received but also slightly bamboozled that some of our wedding party forgot to even give a card!

MerylStrop Mon 20-Jan-14 20:26:07

We specifically asked that people didn't give us anything (money or gifts)

But we were nonetheless given a le creuset pot, an English Heritage membership, a photo album filled with pics from the day, an antique spoon thing (odd but lovely) an apple tree and a firework display!

hippoinamudhole Mon 20-Jan-14 20:46:12

This sounds like the generation game grin

hippoinamudhole Mon 20-Jan-14 20:46:25

This sounds like the generation game grin

hippoinamudhole Mon 20-Jan-14 20:46:26

This sounds like the generation game grin

Beaverfeaver Mon 20-Jan-14 21:19:28

£700 towards a peice of art and a £2k honeymoon

LadyHarrietdeSpook Mon 20-Jan-14 21:23:14

Frog shaped loo roll holder (DH e girlfriend and new partner.) she must have seen it in Elle Decor.

MegaClutterSlut Mon 20-Jan-14 21:23:32

We received about £500 in vouchers/cash, plate set, towels, chinese vases, wedding album.....there were other gifts but I've forgotten what they were grin

Joysmum Mon 20-Jan-14 21:24:41

We had a wedding list at a local department store and had to go back a further couple of times to add more as the store called to say the list has been exhausted.

We are off to a wedding next month, the couple have been living together for yonks so are set up. They've asked for money instead of things. She has health issues and so can't work, he's on 0 hours contract and struggle for money. This will help them afford the wedding and possibly even get time away if they have enough. I think it's a great idea to discourage gifts in their case.

Whybeige Mon 20-Jan-14 21:28:48

About £13000 altogether. Never asked anyone for gifts/money.
We furnished our house with the gifts we received as well. But it wasn't a massive wedding and we already had kids etc.

Very grateful for our generous friends and family.

notso Mon 20-Jan-14 21:32:30

£8,000 cash, two vases, a personalised cushion, two mugs, a felt apple, five cases of Moët and my favourite present a second hand duallit 6 slice toaster.

DandyDan Mon 20-Jan-14 22:01:48

We were setting up home from scratch so needed absolutely everything - mostly cheapish things like bedlinen, towels, kitchenware (simple things too like bun-tins and lemon squeezers and ovengloves), contributions of pieces of a fairly standard dinner service - lots of things under £15. Parents and in-laws bought us a fridge and a double bed. An honorary "aunt & uncle" gave us a cheque to buy our first three-piece suite.

We still use most of the things 25 yrs later and I can remember who bought us everything. Other in-laws paid for our first week's honeymoon in a countryside cottage, and a friend from college gave us our second week by letting us stay in their lovely second home on the Welsh borders.

Squeakygate Mon 20-Jan-14 22:30:28

We received lots of kitchen based things, about £500 and some friends and family paid for things on the day including hiring our Wedding car, flowers & champagne for the toast (different people)
When we moved house a year or so later a family friend arrived with a tumble dryer. I was a little bemused but our friend stated it was a belated wedding gift. It comes in very handy!
When attending weddings we try and be as generous as we can. Unfortunately we have not always been able to "repay" the same level of generosity.

Salmotrutta Mon 20-Jan-14 22:36:53

We want to hear about the Bridezilla OP... grin

We got everything from towels to a fridge.

(30 years ago)

MissPryde Mon 20-Jan-14 22:39:09

No wedding for me yet, but I love telling about my parents'. They made a profit!!

Spent about $1,200 on their wedding in the eighties. (Found a lovely old Italian lady who made a delicious dinner for $6 a head). My mother being Italian, they recieved more money than presents. Over $2000, so a profitable wedding in which everyone had a great time! Stories are still told about it, 30 happily married years later. grin

busylizzy12 Tue 21-Jan-14 10:24:00

thanks for the responses!

The gist of the conversation: friend of a friend joined us for coffee. I knew she'd recently got married (in a very remote and faraway location which incidentily is only served by one flight per week from London) so i asked about it, as you do. "oh lovely, 95% of invited guests made it over, but it's amazing how tight people are". How so, I enquired... "well, you'd think that considering i was having an 'out of the box, exciting wedding (yes she actually said that) that people would give more than 50 quid each. We couldn't believe it". My mate spent over £1,800 to be at that wedding with her 2 DC's & DH and she said that everyone else would have been in that boat. I just couldn't get my head around the sense of entitlement and it strangely played on my mind (i clearly need to get a life).

No, that would play on my mind too! Wow.

MerylStrop Tue 21-Jan-14 10:47:10

So she expected fancier presents because she had a fancy wedding?

MaidOfStars Tue 21-Jan-14 11:41:39

We received about £1500 in cash from our guests, plus a very generous £5k honeymoon gift from a family friend. The "normal" range of giving was £20-£200. We also received a smattering of very thoughtful gifts, including things like handmade bowls and interesting art prints. For the record, we didn't specify any gift info (on invitation or otherwise), nor did we make a list to be given on request. It was a completely free choice for our guests.

OP, your friend is a dick. If you place an obligation on your guests to spend far more than they might normally expect to attend a wedding, you should do the right thing and specify "No gifts".

JRmumma Tue 21-Jan-14 11:43:33

Christ busy what an awful attitude. If i was her i would tell guests to absolutely NOT give me any sort of gift. Its people like that who make others begrudge going to weddings because of cost. It shouldn't be about that although sadly its usually quite expensive to attend a wedding anyway.

When we got married, one of our top considerations was that it cost guests as little as possible to attend. We got married fairly locally, offered our own house to out of town guests so they didn't have to shell out on hotels, laid on transport and paid the bar bill. We managed to do all of this without breaking the bank and still have exactly the day we wanted. I think everyone enjoyed themselves more because it wasn't a strain on them financially.

Plus, getting married abroad isn't exotic or out of the box IMO, its quite run of the mill these days.

Mrswellyboot Tue 21-Jan-14 11:43:57

Mostly cash. Very generous amounts. We didn't really have it left though as it went on the hotel bill. We didn't get very many gifts that weren't cash.

Mordirig Tue 21-Jan-14 11:52:05

Does she think its a competition, fancier wedding = fancier gifts?
Tell her despite asking for nothing we received 12k and 8k honeymoon paid for and we had a small (30 guests) in a small hotel function room with a registry office wedding grin rub her nose in it.
Ungrateful and makes her look shallow and entitled.

busylizzy12 Tue 21-Jan-14 11:59:48

Mordirig that did make me laugh. I know, i was absolutely speechless (i've always wound my mate up about her being a bit of a dick!).

SomethingkindaOod Tue 21-Jan-14 12:02:40

We asked for vouchers from Argos for a very specific reason which I've posted before and received more than we needed.
When we moved in together with baby DC we were skint, we'd bought the only house available in our budget at the time and every piece of furniture including a couple of the carpets was second or third hand. Even the damn kettle was DH's grandma's old one.
When we got married we did it on the cheap, called in a few favours and had a big fabulous bash for practically nothing. In return we got nearly £1000 in vouchers and replaced pretty much everything most of which 15 years on and 2 house moves are still going strong.
We also got a bottle of a champagne that got put away in a safe place, forgotten about and drunk on our 10th wedding anniversary grin

Famzilla Tue 21-Jan-14 12:12:21

I asked for donations to our local animal shelter. I had to reiterate it a few times, and we still got some ridiculously expensive whiskey and garden stuff. A lot of DH's friends wrote poems actually which makes me chuckle.

MsAspreyDiamonds Tue 21-Jan-14 18:32:11

£10,000 cash but we had 600 guests as it was a huge wedding, plus jewellery & some household items.

I found a house to buy for exactly £10k not long after we got married but unfortunately couldn't persuade dh to buy it. The area has now been gentrified and the house is now worth £225k and my dh is kicking himself and I want to kick him. That house could have been our pension pot but his shortsightedness has cost us that.
sad

We had a gift list and got everything off of it - hoover, bedding, coffee table, curtains, misc general everyday household items

Family member did our photos and album as a gift grin

My dad gave us 1k

About 10 towel bales hmm

We had 60 total at our wedding grin

MeganBacon Tue 21-Jan-14 22:18:45

We also asked that no-one should buy presents. We already had way too much stuff and are still struggling to fit two fully equipped homes into one. I suppose it's different if you are trying to set up home together.

KittensoftPuppydog Tue 21-Jan-14 22:31:49

A stone pig, a set of glasses, a magnum of champagne, a head (of the sort you put hats on), a fish, a cat ornament, a fertility bell, a silver breakfast set, a japanese saki set, chop sticks, two chinese baby doll ornaments, a japanese blessing, a clock, probably others it was nearly 25 yrs ago...

First wedding, we got a random assortment of towels, two electric carving knives, some casserole dishes, and some glasses.
Second one, we got an iron, and ironing board and an electric tin opener, and a cheque for a tenner made out to xh that we couldn't cash because he didn't have a bank account and was in so much debt no bank qould give us a joint one, and that was literally it - nothing else.
Third one, we got £100 cash from a very dear friend and that was it, nothing else from anyone.

SparklingMuppet Wed 22-Jan-14 06:04:19

We had a relatively small wedding with just 60 people total. Our gift list was worth about £1,000 and we received it all plus about £100 or so in vouchers. We also got some wonderfully thoughtful off list stuff worth another £250, plus an incredibly generous set of Waterford crystal glasses worth £250 alone from an Irish uncle of my husband's. This is apparently an entirely normal amount to spend on relatives, we were utterly gobsmacked! And finally my inlaws gave us £1000 to spend on a new bed.

On the break even question, we spent around £12,000 in total including honeymoon so it wasn't even close, but that was never the point.

Badgerlady Wed 22-Jan-14 06:21:57

We asked for donations to a charity that meant something to us. We had some incredibly generous donations and raised nearly £4,000 including gift aid. I think the average donation was £50. But they ranged from £10 upwards.

HugoTheHippo Wed 22-Jan-14 09:22:43

We got about £3k as we asked for honeymoon contributions. We were clear in the invites that gifts weren't necessary, but were really touched by everyone's generosity (and had an awesome honeymoon!)

Sparklingbrook Wed 22-Jan-14 09:38:06

We had a very small wedding (18 of us). We had been living together for 5 years and didn't need anything. We paid for our own honeymoon. We told everyone not to buy us anything.
But I don't agree with wedding lists anyway, or requests for money.

Hugo that never occurred to me but what a lovely idea.

Sparklingbrook Wed 22-Jan-14 09:38:57

Sorry Badger not Hugo. grin its a shock for Hugo.

gemdrop84 Wed 22-Jan-14 09:43:15

We said on the invites we had everything we needed so there was no need to buy a gift, just wanted everyone there to enjoy our day with us.We received £350, some photo frames and my sister in law gave us a lovely book for people to write msgs in on the day. We also got a few bottles of champagne. Were quite shocked!

HugoTheHippo Wed 22-Jan-14 12:45:00

I know some people on here think honeymoon contributions are grabby, but in real life I've always found people want to buy wedding gifts and prefer a bit of direction rather than having to try and think of something or ask. We were very clear that gifts were optional and all we wanted was to see everyone, but people were very kind and we still seem to be friends with everyone! Plenty of people went off list or got nothing at all and we don't care in the least. It's only on here I've ever heard of wedding lists offending anyone!

JRmumma Wed 22-Jan-14 12:53:35

I don't understand the offence caused by wedding gift lists either. I was however offended by the one my friend put together for her birthday. But that's a completely different thing IMO.

dontcallmemam Wed 22-Jan-14 13:18:43

Got married 25 years ago. We didn't put anything about presents in the invitation but did have a gift list at John Lewis. The items ranged from £2-£50. We had lovely gifts, of course chosen by us, that we still use today; dinner service, Le Cruset, nice glasses.
No money but some rather odd pottery i'm sure it was a pot potty and some very elaborate embroidered towels.
I always choose to buy something from a list now, and have never been asked for cash. I'm old enough to consider asking for money rather poor taste.

Heathcliff27 Wed 22-Jan-14 13:26:01

Went to gretna, 12 guests, we paid for them all to be with us for the whole weekend. Ended up with approx £6000 in cash and vouchers. Didnt have a list. Got some beautiful gifts from people not invited to the wedding.

hiphipreplacement Wed 22-Jan-14 13:36:00

I am shockshockshock at these figures.

We've spent so much money on going to weddings and gifts over the last year or so, we didn't want our guests to feel the same financial pressure so have said we just want people's company, and no presents please. Get married in a couple of weeks, and hope we get nothing as requested. We could certainly do with the money though. We're the only couple we know who haven't had money thrown at them to buy a home and are a bit poor (esp now paying for our wedding although very very low key).

Lesson learnt for my next marriage! wink

Cakecrumbsinmybra Wed 22-Jan-14 13:41:01

Zero. We got married on a beach the day after DH proposed - we told people after the event! It was lovely. Not into the whole big wedding thing. We had a little party with friends when we got back, and a picnic with our family some months later.

Not keen on the whole asking for money thing either and we've never bought from a wedding list. If we buy something, we choose it! I guess that might annoy some people, but the last time I even looked at someone's wedding list, one of the few things left was some teaspoons and we just thought "we're not buying some sodding teaspoons" and we got some lovely artwork of the village where they were getting married instead.

Cakecrumbsinmybra Wed 22-Jan-14 13:42:43

I think that's a great idea too badger.

hiphipreplacement Wed 22-Jan-14 13:43:22

Has anyone ever read on an invite, 'We have everything we need, so don't have a gift list. But if you must a contribution to our honeymoon would be appreciated." and then NOT given cash?

It's just 'we want cash' in code isn't it?!

pianodoodle Wed 22-Jan-14 13:46:18

hip we've just received a similarly worded wedding invitation and haven't a clue how much to give.

We don't have lots of money - is £30 miserly?

pianodoodle Wed 22-Jan-14 13:47:34

We didn't specify anything whatsoever to do with gifts on our wedding invites - it seems a bit vulgar tbh!

Badgerlady Wed 22-Jan-14 13:48:51

hiphip on Asian wedding invites it normally says 'no boxed gifts' which is code for cash. (I'm half Asian so get loads of these!). It does confuse people who've not experienced it before wink

gamerchick Wed 22-Jan-14 13:51:03

i was clear about gifts... people spent money traveling and accommodation and whatnot so we didn't want anything. We just wanted people to come and have a good time.

Most of the guests didn't but some gave a few quid and vouchers... I didn't log who they were off so couldn't thank whoever gave us something which I found a bit cringeworthy.

hiphipreplacement Wed 22-Jan-14 13:57:14

It's not miserly at all piano. I've given 25 before. We spent over £200 getting to and staying at the wedding and drinks on top.

hiphipreplacement Wed 22-Jan-14 13:59:34

And yes I didn't want to put anything about gifts on our invite piano but DP insisted - I'd rather have not mentioned it but just said to people personally we didn't really need or want anything.

But with 'no presents please!' his mum keeps mentioning it though! She has very little money but I know she would have loved to make us something.

Around £500 cash, a few sets of champagne glasses, photo frames, a photo album and some 'wedding day' knick knacks (think snow globe, trinket box etc).

We did get married abroad though and had told people that we just wanted their presence rather than gifts.

whattoWHO Wed 22-Jan-14 14:00:57

We're just about to send out our invites, which (on the seperate guest info card) we've said that in lieu of gifts we'd like them to make a donation to a charity of their choice. I'm a bit worried that it sounds a bit wishy washy, but we genuinely don't need gifts or want cash and we couldn't agree on one charity that we were both passionate about.
I hope our guests understand our sentiment.

expatinscotland Wed 22-Jan-14 14:03:23

Yes, hip, it's a way of asking for money, and like all such 'requests', crass and tacky.

Sparklingbrook Wed 22-Jan-14 14:06:16

I was shocked to find you can buy the request for money poems on personalised cards.Here shock

expatinscotland Wed 22-Jan-14 14:12:42

How tacky and lazy.

TotesAmazeGoats Wed 22-Jan-14 14:13:53

hip we received an invite with a tacky poem, and we declined to give anything. We knew the bride and groom both personally and thought our friendship extended to more than just fifty quid. (Not to mentioned between us we'd spent nearly £1000 on the hen and stag weekends and the event itself).

It became a massive issue after the wedding (for the bride more than the groom) I wish now I'd just stuck a tenner in the bloody card. I had no idea for some it's clearly a way to take the sting of the expense of a wedding. It's rocked our friendship though.

Sparklingbrook Wed 22-Jan-14 14:15:09

My thoughts exactly expat, I had never heard of these requests and when I did I assumed you wrote your own poem at least. But no-just get them printed and buy in bulk. shock

I have not been to a wedding since 2003, and I am soooo glad. Seems the 'getting married' bit is the least important bit.

LookingThroughTheFog Wed 22-Jan-14 14:21:22

The 'I've provided an out of the box wedding' comment makes me wonder if more people are seeing it as a piece of theatre that they're laying on, rather than a commitment to another person that they're sharing with family.

We asked for no gifts (we were living together and had a child) but people were lovely and we were genuinely grateful for everything. Mostly we were grateful for people schlepping up to London on the hottest day of the year while England were playing in the quarter final of the world cup, just to watch us promise each other.

Grennie Wed 22-Jan-14 14:24:48

Token gifts which were very nice. Probably worth altogether £120?

hiphipreplacement Wed 22-Jan-14 14:35:51

I've had one poem.... Yeuck! Hated it but we gave money.

It wasn't a 'if you must get us a present...' thing though, it was 'this is what we want. Please help us pay for our honeymoon'

They went on holiday the Monday after their honeymoon to somewhere hot and sunny in Europe, all paid for. This apparently wasn't their honeymoon though. Just a little break. They've yet to book or go on their honeymoon.

glasgowsteven Wed 22-Jan-14 14:42:25

I gave a couple who got married recently a pizza cutter

it was on their wedding list
BIL and SIL

they are both lawyers - must take home 200k a year between them.

and live in a 500k house

me and my partner are both students.

this wedding list was exhaustive....things on it like silver cutlery, blue ray player, I pod....

grabby!

dontcallmemam Wed 22-Jan-14 14:44:36

glasgow, my brother was a student when we got married.
He bought us a loo roll holder, probably the most used gift to date.

Mummytotwox Wed 22-Jan-14 14:46:21

Two photo frames and £680 in cash x

Sparklingbrook Wed 22-Jan-14 14:48:30

glasgow that is just awful-an I pod? shock

LydiaCrawford Wed 22-Jan-14 14:55:43

Trying to remember...10 year ago.

We didn't ask for anything and had a small wedding.

DH's parents gave us £1K towards the wedding. My brother gave us £100. Most other couples gave us between £30-£50 or a gift like a nice vase/photo album etc. Richest people there (SIL & BIL - property worth at least £1.5M and an income unlikely to be less than £300k/year and probably much, much more) gave us nothing at all (yes, we did give them a present at their wedding - they are just like this! Had broken second hand stuff from them as presents before - rarely pay their fair share when out for group meals etc!).

lanbro Wed 22-Jan-14 15:05:14

We didn't put anything about gifts in the invitation and got £1000 cash, £1000 various vouchers, lots of photo frames, champagne, crystal jugs and glasses and loads more! My godmother had given my parents £5000 towards the wedding but they surprised us and gave it to us in Premium Bonds! Didn't expect anything so everything was very gratefully received.

I personally hate giving cash, can just about get away with vouchers but prefer to buy something personal. For one good friend I bought a huge multi aperture photo frame, took my camera and printer and gave it to them the morning after full of wedding photos!

glasgowsteven Wed 22-Jan-14 15:09:13

They went on holiday the Monday after their honeymoon to somewhere hot and sunny in Europe, all paid for. This apparently wasn't their honeymoon though. Just a little break. They've yet to book or go on their honeymoon.

It was their honeymoon....No matter what they think smile

glasgowsteven Wed 22-Jan-14 15:10:42

yes an I Pod.

A blue ray,

a flat screen TV

An I pad.

The list goes on.

She put on FB once "gift list scanning at JL"

so I think she went a bit carrazzzzy

in fairness she got it all!

and more.....

Sparklingbrook Wed 22-Jan-14 15:30:09

angry glasgow. What a cheek, and more fool the people buying the stuff!

pianodoodle Wed 22-Jan-14 15:52:17

That's good to know hip

It's people with little money I would worry about putting off as well. I wouldn't want people feeling awkward about the amount they gave!

dashoflime Wed 22-Jan-14 16:03:00

Hmm lets see-
Some money towards a honeymoon (DHs family)
A teapot
A handmade letter holder
Coasters
His n' hers key rings
Loads and loads of John Lewis vouchers
Some other vouchers- Argos, M+S, Debenhams

That's all I can remember

HappyMummyOfOne Wed 22-Jan-14 16:07:53

Those poems or outright requests for cash are simply awful, just be honest and charge an entry fee which it equates too.

Sadly most weddings nowadays are more about the do and less about the vows. Lots want to recoup what they have spent via their guests or fancy a honeymoon they cant afford but believe they should have one so get others to pay.

Christenings seem to be heading the same way, most are nothing at all to do with the religious aspect.

expatinscotland Wed 22-Jan-14 16:11:22

I so agree, Happy. Look at all the threads on here, looking for a way to tout for money in christening invites, or talking about bars at christenings.

I don't know. I didn't add it up then and I'm certainly not adding it up now. All items were to set up our life together and to be cherished for the duration. I do know the most expensive was a crystal vase which actually wasn't on the list at 200. Five friends bought it together from uni as it matched other glasses etc. the cheapest was a cutlery (at one item) we did it so people could choose their own 'limit'.

Still use, still love ten years this year x

Sparklingbrook Wed 22-Jan-14 17:13:44

YY Happy the vows seem the least important bit these days. confused

hiphipreplacement Wed 22-Jan-14 17:30:35

Nonsense. I don't know anyone who thinks the vows/actually getting married aren't important.

Mumsnet just means we hear able all of the gift twattery.

Sparklingbrook Wed 22-Jan-14 17:32:32

They are important hip but not as important as other stuff apparently. grin

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now