in giving up on NCSS and feeding DD to sleep?

(39 Posts)
Nowutterlyconfused Sun 19-Jan-14 20:43:57

After a fairly promising start last week, we've had a bad weekend trying to get DD (14 weeks) to go into her cot drowsy and go to sleep on her own. She's absolutely furious at every nap and every evening and we've both ended up in tears. In addition, she has in the last two days suddenly starting waking up at the end of every sleep cycle, which she never did before. I'm shattered and afraid I've made everything worse rather than better. DH points out that if she's not happy and I'm not happy then it doesn't sound like a great plan, which is reasonable. Has anyone actually got this to work and is 14 weeks just too young? I don't know whether I'm pushing poor DD faster than she's ready to go. Is it actually the case that I'm being ridiculous and that most people are in fact feeding/rocking their DC to sleep at this age?

Coldlightofday Sun 19-Jan-14 20:45:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YokoUhOh Sun 19-Jan-14 20:49:00

14 weeks is teeny tiny. DS is 14 months and still feeds to sleep (and throughout the night!). He'll stop eventually, I just get as much shut-eye as possible by co-sleeping. Enjoy your gorgeous little one smile

Ellisisland Sun 19-Jan-14 20:49:34

14 weeks is tiny keep feeding her. I fed my DS to sleep till around 8 months. He is now about to turn two and goes to sleep quite happily on his own in his own bed

Ignore the books, ignore people telling you what you should be doing and enjoy cuddling and feeding your baby. It doesn't last long and before you know it your baby will be saying what my baby said to me tonight 'mummy go. DS go sleep now. Night night' ! grin

lilyaldrin Sun 19-Jan-14 20:50:27

14 weeks is very young to expect self-settling! Yes, ime most people feed, rock, bounce etc little babies to sleep.

Passmethecrisps Sun 19-Jan-14 20:51:38

Honestly, at 14 weeks I would go for sleep at any cost for you both. My dd is 14 months and we stopped rocking to sleep about 2 months ago.

I would relax and go with it just now.

JesusInTheCabbageVan Sun 19-Jan-14 20:54:15

Too early, I'd say. If you try too early, you just end up back at square one multiple times due to teething, growth spurts, illness, and natural leaps in development.

I carried on feeding DS to sleep till he was 2yo, purely because doing it was easier (for me anyway) than not doing it. Just do whatever works. Also bear in mind - what feels like aaaages really isn't. As soon as each crisis/problem/dilemma passes or resolves itself, you'll think: "Why the hell did we worry so much?"

GruffalosGirl Sun 19-Jan-14 20:58:41

Dd fed or rocked to sleep til one. I stressed majorly about it with pfb ds, read all the books going, gave self settling a go from about 4 months and found the whole thing really stressful. With dd just went for an easy life and fed to sleep.

It has made absolutely no difference in how they both sleep now and I wish I'd just gone for the easy option with ds instead of worrying about it and putting us both through all that stress. Plus, even when you do crack it, one illness or upset and you have to start it all again. We just went for gradual retreat at 18 months with them both in the end. Took a week

callamia Sun 19-Jan-14 20:58:46

I have a 14 week old, and I feed to sleep pretty much every night. He's also still having an evening cluster feed. It works for us, and we seem to get a reasonable night sleep from it. I'm way too scared to try anything different though...

Yes, almost everyone is feeding/rocking to sleep at that stage or using a dummy! We did sleep training closer to a year for both DDs when I wanted to stop breastfeeding.

Passmethecrisps Sun 19-Jan-14 21:05:10

I do remember the shocked faces I got at a group when I said I was rocking dd to sleep. One lady was actually speechless.

Do what needs done for you both and screw anyone else

darjeelingdarling Sun 19-Jan-14 21:18:26

honestly - 'keep calm and feed to sleep!'

I'm still feeding to sleep at 14 mo, though he's growing out of it and flinging himself into the bedside cot. last night he just held my boob and went to sleep. hmm

there have been sooooooooo many times I've been glad of feed to sleep. seriously.

I did do the pantley pull off though (but when older) and I think it's probably helpful at times, but he'd go through phases where he simply needed to keep sucking (prob teeth or ill) so I let him. hed then revert to rolling off me and going to sleep himself.

cuddling / rocking to sleep - nowt wrong with it. infact very helpful to be used to being cuddled to sleep for lie ins. grin

at 14 weeks the continued suckling will be stimulating supply in you so I'd not mess with it at the mo.

claudeekishi Sun 19-Jan-14 21:24:16

You can bet your ass everyone else is feeding or rocking to sleep. Do it!

HRMumness Sun 19-Jan-14 21:38:06

I'm pretty sure I fed DD to sleep until she was at least 9 months. Like another poster said, going with the flow is a path to an easy life. They will settle on their own, sleep through when they are ready.

bumbleymummy Sun 19-Jan-14 21:52:15

Agree with the others. 14 weeks is still tiny - just feed/rock to sleep. It doesn't last forever and you will not be making a rod for your own back no matter what anyone tries to tell you!

ReluctantCamper Sun 19-Jan-14 22:12:16

are you bf or ff? I don't know much about bf so ignore this of you are, but I wasn't feeding ds to sleep at 14 weeks. he went down full and drowsy, and dh and I spent all evening running up and down the stairs to pat, stroke, replace dummy etc. after about 3 weeks we realised we'd stopped going upstairs and ds was self settling. it was very gentle, no crying. but, if you're not comfortable, don't do it. depends how long you want to feed to sleep for really.

Nowutterlyconfused Mon 20-Jan-14 14:57:25

Thanks everyone - you've cheered me up no end!

roofio87 Mon 20-Jan-14 17:57:41

yep still rocking my 15 week old ds to sleep here. it gets him to sleep so I'm happy!! can put him down drowsy in the cot last thing at night but never in the day! it's too early for setting up good habits imo, but also too early to form bad ones too so I'm just enjoying the closeness (he's napping on me right now!!)

tackytiger Mon 20-Jan-14 18:25:22

My 14 week old DD feeds to sleep and she knew night from day from the start and sleeps for 6 -11 hour stretches so I don't even have tiredness as an excuse!
She also doesn't have set nap times as we run around with my older DD all day.
With my three yo I sleep-trained from 6 months or so.
That said, she's your baby and you know best...

theeternalstudent Mon 20-Jan-14 18:35:44

Going against the grain here but a word of caution with regards to feeding to sleep. When you say she is waking up each sleep cycle do you mean every 30/60/90 mins?

DD was like this, would wake up 9/10/11 times a night and would need to suckle to get back to sleep. It also resulted in her refusing to sleep during the day for more than 30mins. Not enough for a very small baby.

Unfortunately some babies, like my DD, need some extra help with learning how to sleep. Please call someone from La Leche League or from one of your local breast feeding support groups who will be able to give you better advice.

Remember, what all our circumstances are different and what works for one family won't necessarily work for the next and that sleep deprivation for both mum and baby can be hugely damaging.

Please talk it through with a professional who can give you some advice based on your circumstances.

Mouthfulofquiz Mon 20-Jan-14 19:44:33

Im sat here just cuddling my 18 month old to sleep.... I just feel like he's going to grow out if it when he is ready, I doubt I'll be sat here with a 25 year old, 6 foot man, with a blanky in 23 years time....
Just do what feels right and what gets you the maximum amount of sleep possible.

NotSoChicAfterAll Mon 20-Jan-14 19:48:32

DD is 19 weeks old, and BF to sleep. I'm glad I've read this and people said it's totally normal to be fed to sleep at this age.
I was told at a baby group she should be self settling, so that day I went home and attempted to do it, putting in her cot when she was drowsy, she'd wake up and cry.
I tried putting hand on tummy, rocking cot, rocking her, I was still in her room at 11pm. And ended up not sleeping through as she wasn't feeding and feeding like she usually does.
It wasn't working the hassle, and she'll grow out of it eventually!

Rhubarbgarden Mon 20-Jan-14 19:51:15

I didn't feed to sleep. I did shush pat and lots of head stroking. I simply wasn't up for getting up in the night ad infinitum so sleep training was a priority for me. Everyone is different.

Purplepoodle Mon 20-Jan-14 20:33:24

Isn't there a sleep regression around 4 month?

fhdl34 Mon 20-Jan-14 20:35:51

Dd was still feeding to sleep at 14 months! One day it won't work anyway, enjoy it whilst it lasts, this time passes in a flash

jeanmiguelfangio Mon 20-Jan-14 21:42:03

I am just working on this, and my dd is nearly 11 months. And we are doing it because she is doing it, we still have a cuddle though until she gets drowsy, then I put her to bed. She has a bath, bottle then cuddle. At 14 weeks, do whatever you feel comfortable. And ignore anyone who says "making a rod". They can take their rods and....

Nowutterlyconfused Mon 20-Jan-14 21:45:48

Oh how true, Jean. They really can...

yonisareforever Mon 20-Jan-14 22:35:47

yes feeding here too, i will top her up, usually, then DH took over and sat with her whilst she dozed off, her head was against his heart beat...he still does this and she falls asleep within ten mins as she is tired then she goes into her cot. ( next to us)

mine is just over a year and its no sweat at all.
this isn't how we did it with first dc but it feels natural and right.

we are very happy with the rod and feel little tiny babies get a raw deal in the UK where we are usually told to leave them to cry alone in their own beds from the get go, it heartens me to hear of other mums also giving this little tiny being some support and love in their baby hood.

Inglori0us Mon 20-Jan-14 22:57:02

I did NCSS (exactly by the book) at 12 weeks. It took 6 nights but then she just got it. I only did it for night time though. Day time naps in the cot didn't get going until she was 8 months but because the nights were so good I wasn't bothered.
She's now 22 months and has always been a good sleeper. Keep trying if you feel up to it. Try to identify sleep cues. Stick to a routine. It can be done!

PansOnFire Mon 20-Jan-14 23:07:38

Stick to routine but don't expect everything to have an effect right now, 14 weeks is very young and your expectations are very high. My DS has always been a good sleeper but he really didn't 'self settle' until about 7 months and even then it was hit and miss. He's done really well and self settles fine at 14 months and I put that down to following routine to the letter so he was always relaxed and knew what was coming next, but I didn't expect the self settling part to work right away because most babies don't know how to put themselves to sleep. I think NCSS is great but I'd use it more to put the foundations in place for what you want to work in the future. Setting the routine is the most important thing at this point, not the end result. Don't put yourself through the stress of things not 'working' and just be pleased for the times they do, time flies and the next thing you know your 14 week old will be 14 months and won't want cuddling and holding making you feel like your baby doesn't want you and that you regret not doing more of it.

missymayhemsmum Mon 20-Jan-14 23:59:33

Doesn't every breastfed baby feed to sleep? I mean, if someone else can rock them to sleep that's great but never worked for any of mine.

Morloth Tue 21-Jan-14 00:09:51

I always fed them to sleep.

They are Almost 10 and 4 now.

I don't have to do it anymore. wink

Fuck the rules and the routines and all the rest of it, enjoy having a baby snuggled close while you can.

MrsMook Tue 21-Jan-14 05:47:53

There's a big growth spurt coming up at 4 months, about 16/17 weeks. Lots of cluster feeds, fussiness and frequent waking. That's a time for extra feeds, not trying to train self settling. Knowing it's temporary, and that no action is required to fix it as all will revert to normal by itself makes it much easier to deal with.

redcaryellowcar Tue 21-Jan-14 06:49:09

i read and used ncss when ds was 9m but wished i had read it earlier, i think what all sleep advice has in common is trying to get enough sleep during the day to not have overtired baby at night, i found that a zip up sleeping bag seemed to be helpful as an association with sleep, as was a soft toy monkey.
to actually answer your question , he was fed to sleep until at least 9m and had a feed just before sleep until 18m, i don't think it was the feeding to sleep that made his overnight sleep worse, as he got older he wasn't bothered about overnight feeding. others have said this and i agree go with what works for you.

MinesAPintOfTea Tue 21-Jan-14 07:42:08

DS goes in his sleeping bag and has just started going into his cot awake after his bf. He's 20 months and crucially its a long time since he's woken for milk in the night (sickness or cold yes, but there's nothing you can do about that).

I'm happy, he's happy and he'll usually settle for a beaker of warm milk and a story when I'm not there. I'm sure he'll stop when he's ready.

RawShark Tue 21-Jan-14 10:27:25

We fed my ds to sleep for 18 months ( breast then bottle). Then he had a bottle till 32 months.He now sleeps through and mostly settles himself, likes me to stay for a few minutes. IMO at 14 weeks you should just give them what they want.

So, go for it-enjoy the sleep and the cuddles.

RawShark Tue 21-Jan-14 10:28:00

I meant he had a bottle at bedtime till 32 months, just didn't fall asleep.

MistyB Tue 21-Jan-14 10:35:34

I had a sleep consultant who wouldn't see us until DS was somewhere between seven and nine months. Go with the flow for now, have the NCSS techniques in the back of your mind and look towards them nnr the future rather than rigidly sticking to them right now.

TinyTear Tue 21-Jan-14 10:37:40

14 weeks?? I am still feeding to sleep at 24 months!

and she CAN sleep by herself - with daddy and at the nursery... but when I am home it's no hassle for me...

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