AIBU to think that I'm NOT keeping DH awake if he is snoring?

(49 Posts)
MmeLindor Tue 14-Jan-14 23:51:58

He keeps waking up and muttering cause he 'can't sleep cause of the light of the iPhone'.

He's been snoring since I came to bed so how on earth can MNetting be bothering him?

Caitlin17 Tue 14-Jan-14 23:57:12

YABVU.No really you are.If you want to mess around on here don't do it next to some one trying to sleep in bed.

IneedAwittierNickname Tue 14-Jan-14 23:58:11

My ex used to do that, he'd be snoring his head off then moan in the morning that he'd hardly slept because I had the bedside light on to read confused

Or if I kicked poked him to stop him snoring he would moan that I woke him up, shame, didn't realise I was meant to be awake all night just so he wasn't disturbed. should have taken my mums advice and held a pillow over his face until he was quiet

Gosh I definitely don't miss him!

Disclaimer: One part of this post isn't serious, and its NOT the last sentence!

MmeLindor Wed 15-Jan-14 00:00:49

Seriously? He's fast asleep and snoring. How can I be disturbing him?

I'm quite happy to keep DH. Just like to moan occasionally

Bumbolina Wed 15-Jan-14 00:03:09

Can you use your iPhone to record his snoring?

IneedAwittierNickname Wed 15-Jan-14 00:03:40

Oh gosh, I wasn't suggesting you left him! I hope it doesnt come across that way blush

The scenario above was one of a long list of things tbh! I'm sure your dh is lovely

Caitlin17 Wed 15-Jan-14 00:07:24

I really can't imagine reading in bed or playing on a phone if the person next to me is asleep or is trying to sleep.

MmeLindor Wed 15-Jan-14 00:07:26

Don't worry. I didn't take offence smile

I'm assuming his snoring/moaning wasn't the reason he's your ex. Or not just that

Ha. Might record his snores for when he tells me he doesn't snore m

MmeLindor Wed 15-Jan-14 00:08:33

But he is asleep and I'm not tired yet.

He complains if I stay downstairs too long so this is a compromise for me. I'd be happy to sit on the couch with a glass of wine.

CynicalandSmug Wed 15-Jan-14 00:09:17

How do you put up with the snoring???

IneedAwittierNickname Wed 15-Jan-14 00:09:20

Oh phew!

Goldencity1 Wed 15-Jan-14 00:10:08

My DH can be lying on his back with his eyes closed and his mouth open snoring like an elephant with a head cold, but if I poke kick him he says iambu and that he wasn't snoring and that he was, in fact, wide awake.

Stinklebell Wed 15-Jan-14 00:13:35

Yes, I have this discussion with my DH too

I'll moan that he's keeping me awake with his snoring and he'll moan I'm keeping him awake with my light on.

I didn't realise you could snore loud enough to wake the dead when you're wide awake, and in fact the only reason my light is on is because I can't sleep because of the bloody snoring

nennypops Wed 15-Jan-14 00:14:57

Caitlin: I need to read in bed if I'm going to be able to sleep. Why should I be prevented from doing so just because dh has chosen to try to go to sleep first? Neither my reading nor typing prevents him from sleeping, the snoring lump beside me now demonstrates that fact.

IneedAwittierNickname Wed 15-Jan-14 00:17:57

He sounds even more like my ex now (is he my ex?) ::narrows eyes suspiciously::

A typical evening in our house was.
Him: I'm going to bed now, you coming? (Often complete with dodgy pornstar voice and waggling eyebrows)
Me: oh I'll be up soon, I'm not really tired and you know the light will annoy you.
Him: no it won't
Me: it always does, you're always moaning about it.
Him: Ffs, its like you don't even love me. Jesus, all I wanna do I go to bed at the same time.
Me: of course i love you, I'm just not tired.

I'm sure you get the gist!

MmeLindor Wed 15-Jan-14 00:21:58

Bleugh. He sound vile - nothing like a bit of emotional blackmail to get you in the mood!

No, thankfully DH doesn't do that. He's mostly accepted the compromise and doesn't often complain. When he does, I ignore and whinge about him on Mumsnet so we are both happy!

Bumbolina Wed 15-Jan-14 00:22:49

Could you turn the light down on your iPhone screen? That might help?

IneedAwittierNickname Wed 15-Jan-14 00:24:31

Like I said, the snoring/moaning was part of a long list of problems!

These days its my 7 year old ds2 who snores, although not always in my bed, but hes so freaking cute (both looks and the lovely little snore he does) that I forgive him.

MmeLindor Wed 15-Jan-14 00:25:22

It's down as far as it will go. And I've inverted the colours. There is more light coming under the door from the night light in the hall!

MmeLindor Wed 15-Jan-14 00:26:13

Why is it that the kids or the dog snoring make me say 'awwww' but DH snoring gives me the rage?

trufflesnuffler Wed 15-Jan-14 00:29:03

download an app called night's for exactly this! I always use phone in bed, like you I compromise by coming to bed early than I need or want grin try it grin

Thants Wed 15-Jan-14 01:09:03

Turn the brightness on your screen all the way down. If me or dp have ours very low we don't disturb each other.

CouthyMow Wed 15-Jan-14 02:06:18

The answer? Have your own bed. A king size one. To spread out on and MN in in peace. Minus the bulldozer sound effects.

Only problem with this are usually required to be single before this happens!

I'm MNing next to a snoring DH. I just bunch up the covers around the phone to stop the light from bothering him

CadleCrap Wed 15-Jan-14 02:37:23

Goldencity1 We must have the same DH - I've never noticed you in bed!grin

sykadelic15 Wed 15-Jan-14 02:44:15

Yes you're BU.

When he rouses the light becomes really obvious. He isn't aware he's been asleep and snoring. To him it feels like he hasn't slept at all.

Honestly, sounds to me like he might have a sleeping disorder. If he were truly asleep he wouldn't rouse as often. I suggest a sleep study.

I say this as someone who experienced the same thing before I got my CPAP.

MrsMook Wed 15-Jan-14 03:52:44

DH's snoring is often bad when he's in a light sleep. When he's in that state, you can tell him to stop snoring and he'll answer back that he isn't.

He's also stupidly sensitive to the hint of streetlight through the curtains on the landing. I need the door open to hear DS2 who still night feeds. Partially shutting the door puts me at risk of bumbling in to it at silly o'clock. Tonight I reap the benefits of him bring away, no snoring, and a lamp on to feed so no squinting at the glare on my tablet.

AcrossthePond55 Wed 15-Jan-14 04:21:14

God bless the man/woman who invented the CPAP. DH sounded like a 747 at take off. He never got a good night's sleep and we had rows over the book light, the TV, my trying to roll him onto his side (You were snoring. No, I wasn't, I wasn't even asleep. ad infinitum), my tossing and turning because of his buzz-sawing 'keeping him awake'.

NH started having heart palpitations and arrhythmia at night. They suggested a sleep study and he was diagnosed with mild sleep apnea. It took him a couple of weeks to get used to the CPAP, but now he sleeps like a baby and is snore-free. I could run a rock concert with a laser light show and he wouldn't wake up!

Snoring isn't normal and can be a sign of medical problems. If your SO snores, you should suggest they see their doctor.

Lj8893 Wed 15-Jan-14 04:41:09

My phone light doesn't bother dp. But he does the protests of "I'm not snoring, I haven't even been to sleep" when I nudge him and tell him to stop snoring!!

He also talks in his sleep but that doesn't bother me as its highly amusing!!

MmeLindor Wed 15-Jan-14 07:23:59

He doesn't have a sleep disorder. And he doesn't snore all night. Just the first hour and then he sleeps soundly till morning.

He does have a bit of a thing about the room being totally dark. We replaced the windows recently with German ones with shutters.

He actually used to be worse and now only moans once a month or so.

Much as the thought of a big bed to myself pleases me, I don't think I'll LTB, thanks. smile

MomsStiffler Wed 15-Jan-14 07:35:32

He's like me - I snore when I'm "in limbo" as it were, can still hear things going on & be disturbed. Can sometimes even hear myself. This is obviously the case with your DH as he can't get to sleep & is telling you why!

When I'm properly, deeply asleep I don't snore.

So yes, YABU as you're not letting him reach the deep sleep phase. Why go to bed if you want to play on your phone?

Bloodyteenagers Wed 15-Jan-14 07:47:17

He wants you in bed with him, then he has to put up with the phone, in the same way as you have to put up with his snoring. If he doesn't want the issue with the phone, then he shouldn't moan that you don't g to bed with him.

MmeLindor Wed 15-Jan-14 07:55:27

Because he nags me to come to bed. And when I say that I'm not tired and will read for a bit he says 'fine'.

Why should I lie awake cause he wants company in bed?

I have to say, it's unusual for him to complain now. He used to but I think he sleeps deeper than he used to.

ProfPlumSpeaking Wed 15-Jan-14 07:59:16

He keeps waking up and muttering cause he 'can't sleep cause of the light of the iPhone'.


yes, you are disturbing his sleep. OTOH if he MAKES you come to bed when you would happily read downstairs, then he has only himself to blame.

Theas18 Wed 15-Jan-14 08:00:30

oh the "you were snoring.... no I wasn't I wasn't even asleep" conversations !

My best tactic is to BE asleep before he gets to bed then he can snore as much as he likes.

I think I may get one of those apps to record it!

Straitjacket Wed 15-Jan-14 10:42:54

My DP snores literally seconds qfter his head has even hit the pillow, before it is even possible for him to be asleep! I always ask if he is asleep, and he never is hmm

Don't get that.

Goldencity1 Wed 15-Jan-14 11:29:10

He can be watching the news on the sofa and snoring so loud I can't hear the TV! If I say anything thump him he gets all cross and can tell me what was being said.

LeapingOverTheWall Wed 15-Jan-14 11:41:34

before DHs diagnosis of sleep apnea and subsequent CPAP machine - god I love that machine--we had years and years of theses "discussions". In fairness to DH, he did genuinely believe he wasn't asleep because he wasn't ever getting into a proper deep sleep, but I did laugh at his suggestion that I go the GP about my "insomnia" because it was causing him sleeping problems.

ApprenticeViper Wed 15-Jan-14 11:43:43

When did you all move into my house??? grin

My DP does all the above: snoring then denying he was even asleep, complaining that I don't go to bed at the same time as him (Ineed I could have written that conversation you posted!), whinging that I'm on my phone/tablet for too long once I'm in bed, the light of said phone/tablet is keeping him awake (when he's snoring like god-knows-what), etc., etc.

He does also talk in his sleep, but this is usually hilarious; his best one? "I love pies, me....really love pies....I've got a the fridge" I fell out of bed laughing! grin

I think the recording him with your phone idea is the best one. So you can point it out to him

I did similar with dh. 'I don't snore'
'Yes you fucking well do, here listen to this. So do not complain when I disturb you'

Meow75 Wed 15-Jan-14 12:00:17

We've both been bad snorers over the last 15 years that we've been married. The difference is, I've done something about it. As was previously mentioned, I had a sleep study done last February, started using a CPAP machine on March 19th.

My sleep has been SO MUCH BETTER since then. The sleep study showed that I was waking on average 31 times an hour, an my blood O2 levels were dropping by upto 60% throughout the night, but the snoring only occurred, as others have said in the first hour or so after going to sleep.

Now trying to talk my DH into going to his GP to sort a sleep study. But he's reluctant, despite seeing how much better I am in the last year. This reluctance, I cannot understand ...

peppersaunt Wed 15-Jan-14 12:36:28

Uh-oh. Think DH may be two-timing me with several of you (insists we go to bed together though I'm not tired, snores like a lawn mower, denies being asleep and moans about my reading).

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Wed 15-Jan-14 12:44:24

Are you both married to my DH, op and second poster? Snores like a train, if I dare to roll over, get back the duvet,go for a wee this disturbs him so "he gets no sleep at all". Oh really, then why did you not STOP BASTARD SNORING, YOU TWAT?

chipshop Wed 15-Jan-14 13:25:32

When DP snores I wake him up with an elbow or foot. And repeat until I'm asleep. grin

Lancelottie Wed 15-Jan-14 13:38:50

Our household:
DH: God, you were restless last night.
Me: That's because you were snoring. And I went to sleep downstairs.
DH: You mean you stormed out in a huff.
Me: I did not storm. I left calmly.
DH: But you did it with death threats...

Yeah. Maybe. Would he prefer the actual death-by-pillow?

MmeLindor Wed 15-Jan-14 15:04:36

Love the pie dreams. You aren't married to Toby Ziegler,
are you? [obscure west wing reference]

We are all the same person with the same husband.

Not that I don't believe you but he isn't like this every night. Sometimes he's fine. He's had sleep issues in the past but they've been stress related and are better now.

MmeLindor Wed 15-Jan-14 15:05:30

And I've noticed that since we've he's put on weight we both he snores more.

Meow75 Wed 15-Jan-14 15:12:41

Yep, I didn't every night either. And, like most people I'm heavier than ever as is DH.

The specialist I see reckons 60-70% of people actually have sleep apnoea! but that most people don't think it's that serious.

HolgerDanske Fri 17-Jan-14 08:25:32

I can be asleep and snoring (actually I have stopped snoring since I lost weight, which is a nice side-effect) and still hear everything that's going on around me and think I'm awake but just resting. Maybe he is asleep but still responding to the stimuli of the light and other noises

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