to be really, really annoyed with me friend?

(47 Posts)
Stinklebell Tue 14-Jan-14 23:44:55

Just before Christmas some friends of ours mentioned they were thinking of taking their kids to Disneyland Paris this year and asked if we'd like to go with them.

DH and I said thanks, but no for various reasons, mainly that we've already booked a holiday for this year and can't afford another one. Explained that to them

We both have 2 girls, who are roughly the same age and are in the same schools and years and today we ended up in a bit of a play date swap, her eldest came to our house with my eldest, my youngest went to their's to play with their youngest

Swapped the kids back earlier and my find DD is absolutely bouncing off the walls with excitement as she thinks she's going to DLP in the summer. My friend has spent the time she was there winding her up about it and saying stuff like "guess what, mummy and daddy might be taking you to Disney this summer"

DD is gutted and I'm really cross

We said no, we meant no, it's not fair to blackmail us into something by using my 8 year old

IneedAwittierNickname Tue 14-Jan-14 23:46:07

Yanbu!

hoppinghare Tue 14-Jan-14 23:48:29

I'd be really cross too. Your poor DD must have been really excited. I'd big up the other holiday a lot so she doesn't feel disappointed. Probably best not to make a big issue out of it with your friend though.

hoppinghare Tue 14-Jan-14 23:48:43

I'd be really cross too. Your poor DD must have been really excited. I'd big up the other holiday a lot so she doesn't feel disappointed. Probably best not to make a big issue out of it with your friend though.

hoppinghare Tue 14-Jan-14 23:48:43

I'd be really cross too. Your poor DD must have been really excited. I'd big up the other holiday a lot so she doesn't feel disappointed. Probably best not to make a big issue out of it with your friend though.

Mrswellyboot Tue 14-Jan-14 23:48:51

er, this your 'friend'. Hmm

Very sneaky

Stinklebell Tue 14-Jan-14 23:49:13

Sorry, got a bit trigger happy with the post button.

Called her when I got home to find out what had been said and friend just replied that she thought DD would enjoy Disney more than what we'd already booked and she didn't mean any harm.

I mean, really? How can you not think that winding up an 8 year old is not going to cause any harm?

justmuddlingalong Tue 14-Jan-14 23:52:04

She sounds like a twisted bitch.

Caitlin17 Tue 14-Jan-14 23:52:38

I'd have "misinterpreted" it and phoned her and said how nice of you to offer to take my daughter (assuming the dates aren't the same)

Songbird Tue 14-Jan-14 23:52:53

Wow she really wants you to go doesn't she? Why? So your kids will keep hers amused? Because she hates her husband and wants you there so she doesn't have to be alone with him when the kids are in bed? Bizarre. Tell her you'll go if she pays grin

Stinklebell Tue 14-Jan-14 23:55:42

I think she wants us to go so we can share costs

It's a horrible thing to do.

Adeleh Wed 15-Jan-14 00:15:53

Brilliant suggestion by Caitlin - that's what you should do.

Stinklebell Wed 15-Jan-14 00:18:44

I really, really wish I'd thought of that.

I think it's a bit late now though, I've already told her that we'd already said no and I didn't appreciate what she'd said to DD and didn't want to hear anymore about it.

Adeleh Wed 15-Jan-14 00:25:00

Well I hope she realises how rotten she was. She was completely out of line.

pluCaChange Wed 15-Jan-14 00:29:03

How unkind, and, actually downright rude!

Caitlin17 Wed 15-Jan-14 00:30:49

It really is a rotten thing to do.

WhoGivesAMonkey Wed 15-Jan-14 00:53:13

What a cow! - Unbelievable - how dare she!

msvenus Wed 15-Jan-14 01:22:54

Do you think she wants to share accommodation costs with you to make the trip more affordable for her family. This may be the reason why she is running a sneaky pr campaign with your daughter.

Stinklebell Wed 15-Jan-14 01:47:33

msvenus. Yes, I think so. She was talking about apartments outside DLP that we can share and split costs.

We are going away with SiL and her husband and their 2 girls (who are also roughly similar ages as my 2) - we're sharing a villa in Ibiza so we're having a really good holiday as it is, all the girls are really excited about it.

We have already been to DLP, did the whole surprise thing, had a fantastic time, but if I was going to subject myself to Disney and It's a fucking Small World again, I'd take them to the states in few years when they're both old enough to go on everything and we've got several years to save for it

And I wouldn't ever go on holiday with them anyway, been there, learnt the hard way

Gatogris Wed 15-Jan-14 01:51:25

Do what Caitling suggested.

ZillionChocolate Wed 15-Jan-14 07:04:37

Definitely don't ever go on holiday with this family, the woman has no respect for your decisions.

Charley50 Wed 15-Jan-14 07:10:30

That's outrageous! Weird and quite stupid. YANBU. Not worth losing your kids friendship over it though so o would probably just ignore it.

Charley50 Wed 15-Jan-14 07:10:57

I.

PollyCazaletWannabe Wed 15-Jan-14 07:12:27

What a shitty thing to do sad

Groovee Wed 15-Jan-14 07:28:29

Wow, she really is quite rude expecting you to go and trying to get you to go by winding your daughter up.

Topaz25 Wed 15-Jan-14 08:31:30

YANBU! I was hoping it was a misunderstanding till I saw you'd spoken to her. "Didn't mean any harm?!" She cynically manipulated your DD in an attempt to save money! I would be civil for the sake of your DD's friendship but I wouldn't trust your friend. YY to talking up the Ibiza holiday, it sounds great!

MmeLindor Wed 15-Jan-14 08:36:28

That's a very mean thing to do to an 8 yr old.

Can you get together with SIL and her girls to talk about Ibiza? Might take the sting out of the disappointment

PeterAndresSprayTanner Wed 15-Jan-14 08:45:42

How much of a friend is this woman? Doesn't sound like much of a friend to me.

Stinklebell Wed 15-Jan-14 08:54:57

Well, I would have said they're really good friends, we've known them a long time.

We've been away with them before and it wasn't very successful, so I'd never go away with them again, whether we could afford it or not.

DD is fine now, disappointed that DLP isn't on the cards but looking forward to the holiday with her cousins, but why would you think it's ok to do something like that in the first place confused

SarahAndFuckTheResolutions Wed 15-Jan-14 09:08:11

That's a really awful thing to do to a child.

We are considering taking DS, mainly just to go through the channel tunnel on the train, but every mention of it has been in whispers or while he is out, just in case it comes to nothing.

I don't want him to get even a sniff of an idea we might be going until we actually are booked and going.

So for her to do that to your daughter is disgusting, and all to try and bully you into making her own holiday cheaper for her.

nauticant Wed 15-Jan-14 09:22:44

How, about telling us what they're like to go away with on holiday OP? Please.

Stinklebell Wed 15-Jan-14 09:27:04

grin. Nothing really juicy, sorry.

NinjaBunny Wed 15-Jan-14 09:31:36

Nothing really juicy, sorry.

Doesn't matter.

A little vent might do you the world of good.

And keep nosey bitches like me entertained.

ProfondoRosso Wed 15-Jan-14 09:33:56

She sounds like a selfish idiot, tbh. YANBU at all.

Ibiza is lovely - your DD will have a great time there with her cousins.

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKaleesi Wed 15-Jan-14 09:35:27

YANBU

what an absolutely shitty thing to do. I would definitely be reconsidering the friendship because what sort of person thinks it's ok to do that?

Stinklebell Wed 15-Jan-14 09:40:13

It was nothing really awful, they're just a lot more uptight about stuff than DH and I.

I was on holiday, if I want to lounge about having a leisurely breakfast then I'll lounge about having a leisurely breakfast. I don't want to be scheduled and organised to within an inch of my life. They never wanted to go off on their own and do stuff so we never got a break from it.

It just wasn't the most relaxing break of my life and if I'm paying ££££ I want to be able to enjoy myself

Sorry, that's such a let down

nauticant Wed 15-Jan-14 09:55:51

I've had one of those. My "uh-oh!" moment was when I said that while they were off skiing (I'd previously picked up an injury so I couldn't) it would be no hardship for me to spend the day in a lovely coffee place reading my enormous book and faffing about on the Internet. "Oh no you won't!" came the response and until I bailed out of the holiday there were continual attempts to prevent me "wasting" my time when I wasn't with them.

WilsonFrickett Wed 15-Jan-14 10:03:58

That is so, so mean and entitled - her getting her own way is more important than your daughter's feelings. I'd be letting that friendship go tbh, but I hate manipulative people.

shock

YANBU.

just hmm shock angry

lost for words, thank MN for emoticons!!!

Stellaface Wed 15-Jan-14 10:42:46

Poor you and poor DD too. For me this is deliberately cruel of your 'friend'. I don't think it's too late to say to her about how upset your DD was and how you just can't think of any way to fix it as you really can't afford to go or to send her... maybe your friend could take her along, it really wouldn't cost her that much more as she could share with her DD and it would fix the upset she has created... Unlikely, but maybe worth making the point (only if you would actually be ok with them taking your DD though in case they call your bluff).

Some friend! That was such a cruel thing to do. I wouldn't consider her a friend after something like that. She has no respect for your or your family.

ZenNudist Wed 15-Jan-14 10:52:02

What a cow. I'd be telling your dd that df was in the wrong and knew full well you'd already booked Ibiza instead. So she's fully aware if df tries it again.

Some long term friendships seem to go really toxic. It sounds like you didn't put up with any BS.

softlysoftly Wed 15-Jan-14 10:52:24

That's really really mean I couldn't let it lie.

Though I do feel a bit bad now as reading your title all I can hear is "me Julie"

Tell me I'm not alone!

Stinklebell Wed 15-Jan-14 10:56:59

softly no! I've been reading it like that ever since I posted last night. I accidentally posted before I'd been through and checked for typos grin

I will be stepping back a bit from our friendship I think, it's a horrible thing to do

nauticant Wed 15-Jan-14 11:05:08

You're right. Lying to your DD in order to apply pressure to you is a horrible thing to do. Especially since standing up to such manipulation would inevitably upset your DD.

fidgetsnowfly Wed 15-Jan-14 11:12:18

Would be the last time my child went to their house, and they'd know exactly why. I'd fall out over this.

Stinklebell Wed 15-Jan-14 11:50:19

It's a bit tricky as our kids get on really, really well and would be equally gutted if I stopped them going round each other's houses

I've made it clear that I am deeply unimpressed with the attempt at blackmail using my daughter and will be stepping back from our friendship

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