To be totally hacked off with the bride and groom?(225 Posts)
So we are meant to be off to a wedding in Scotland next month. Quite an undertaking as we live in London and have seven month DD, but they are good friends so we booked flights, a non refundable hotel and arranged to drop DD with MIL for the whole weekend as it's a child free wedding. Fine. Actually looking forward to it as first weekend away, yay!
Then today we get an email saying that, 'unfortunately we've had to make the difficult decision to put the wedding back to the autumn. We were struggling to pay for the wedding on time and think it would just be better to delay a few months so that we can save a bit more and do it properly. We hope you understand and can make the rearranged date'.
Is this reasonable? We've paid out 500 quid in flights and hotel which we won't get back. Travel insurance doesn't cover it as it counts as disinclination to travel. The flights can't be changed- or rather they can but it costs as much as buying new ones! I'm on maternity leave, I'm not being paid, I've no desire to travel to Scotland for the weekend anyway and we won't be able to pay out for the rearranged wedding as well. I feel really sad that we might now not be able to go.
They can PISS right off!
Go and enjoy your lovely weekend and send them a set if towelscwhen they eventually tie the knot.
Nope you're not. Sounds a bit weird. They must have known before now surely?
Could you go anyway for a weekend away and just tell the bride and groom you can't afford to do it twice and not go to the wedding?
Yanbu! Poor you. Just have a nice trip to Scotland and don't go to the wedding.
It is very odd, I wonder if their relationship is going down the pan.
I would go away for the weekend, where in Scotland?
That is bang out of order. Presumably you're not the only ones now in this position?
At least they're trying not to be ridiculous spendthrifts. Sounds like they are sorry and didn't mean to do this to their friends, so try not to blame them. But don't feel guilty if you can't go to the rebooked wedding.
I'll bet there'll be others they've pissed right off too. Go and have a lovely weekend and tell them you won't be going to the wedding as you are spent up.
You should go and have a lovely weekend anyway, and not go to the rearranged date, you have paid for the stuff and won't get your money back, so you might as well use it rather than waste it.
You are not unreasonable not to go, it's not your fault they rearranged is it?
Say unfortunately we struggled to afford coming the first time, and as we cannot get a refund, we cannot afford to pay out again?
Totally rude, I think you should still go and have the weekend in Scotland as you won't get your money back but definately decline the 'new date' and explain why.
I wouldn't go to the rescheduled wedding
Absolutely out of order
It's unreal that they are only telling you a month before. Surely they will have known for some time that it was too expensive?
It's next month! I imagine there are quite a few out of pocket guests....awful
I would be really peed off, that's an awful thing to do a month before when people are travelling.
Not a lot you can do, it's their decision, but I'd tell them you probably won't be able to afford to attend when they reschedule.
Have a nice weekend away. It's paid for anyway.
I doubt you'll have a dilemma later in the year as they won't end up getting married.
How fucking rude??
AND I'd email that right back and say that they should manage quite well to pay for their postponed wedding cos they'll have pee'd off all their friends and no one will be able to afford to come, so the guest list will be way smaller.
that' just about takes the giddy biscuit. really! I am furious on your behalf!!
Go and have a lovely time with your dh and send them a dog eared card full of shitey tinsel confetti when the do get wed.
Um - unless theres been fire/flood/ bereavement / illness in the family - I see big neon lights spelling out: D-I-V-O-R-C-E .
Enjoy your trip - & consider yourself spared from watching people go through the motions when they don't really believe in it themselves anymore.
They are WELL out of order! Cancelling at a months notice is very poor form.
Why don't you go anyway? Go and have a baby break, nice hotel and dinners out - it'll be great!
Also, tell the bride and groom they can stick their next invite.
Yeah they did know before Christmas but wanted to wait to see if the family could help them out financially, and they discussed it with them over the holidays. I don't really want to go anyway. I'm going back to work soon and would rather have the time with DD. Can't really take her with us as the plans were all based on leaving her, and going to an airport near MIL and not near us.
Go! Enjoy the weekend and excuse yourselves from the wedding!
Just as they've expected you to understand their situation.
Wow, I've never heard of anybody doing that. I can only assume they're in pretty serious financial trouble, but of course you're not being unreasonable. It'd have been better form for them to cancel the expensive stuff, hire the church hall, and make the most of the family and friends who have already forked out to be there... You sure as hell won't be the only ones.
Look at it as an excuse for a lovely weekend away and spend the money that you would have spent on outfits/presents on a nice meal for the two of you. It does sound very short notice, surely everything would have been paid for/had deposit put down already? Maybe this wedding won't materialise in the autumn.....
Go have a nice break in Scotland....seems a shame to waste the flights etc....
No, that's ridiculous. Don't bother re-arranging. I would be hacked off, too.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Go away and have a fab weekend away anyway.
Then email them back 'I'm sorry to hear you have had to postpone the wedding. Obviously we had paid for flights and hotel as well and these were not refundable. Please let us know when the new date is as we'd love to come but if it is still in Scotland we hope you will understand that we may not be able to make it'
And wait to see if the real reason is that he's been shagging a bridesmaid.
One month before? wtaf? perhaps its not money as someone else said? cancelling a date one month before regardless setting a new date will incur a lot of trouble and costs with suppliers. Surly they've known costs were spiralling before now?
Blimey that's really bad. I definitely think you should have the break away anyway, no point in the money being completely lost and just tell your friend that you won't be able to attend the new date.
Hmmm I'll eat my hat if this wedding takes place in the autumn/ever.
You should still go for your weekend though!
YANBU to be annoyed......... but I very, very, very much doubt that they've done it on a whim.
Friends of ours postponed their wedding for what appeared to be silly reasons, but having the inside goss I know their relationship was in serious trouble indeed.
Ooh interesting point Kundry! Might not be about money at all
I'm surprised they haven't lost money doing this - I can't imagine a hotel being happy at rearranging the date at such short notice.
I'd still go, have an enjoyable weekend away as planned and see how you feel/what the finances look like nearer the time as to the new date although I'd be inclined to politely decline myself
Ha, interesting you saying the wedding won't materialise! That never occurred to me! The wedding was near Loch Lomond but we were staying in Glasgow, coach pick up and drop off was the idea. I don't want to slam Glasgow but I really don't fancy a weekend there when I've little time left on mat leave, though to be fair I'd not seriously considered it. I don't know many of their friends but there will probably be others in the same boat!
If you're not going to get your money back, you might as well go anyway.
I think I'd feel so utterly guilt ridden if I was bride I'd be Ebaying my wedding dress to send you all refunds.
After I'd Ebayed my fiancé that is
I v much doubt this is about money, and suspect this is a means of putting a brave face on serious relationship difficulties. Don't email anything nasty to your friends. If you can't make a re-arranged date, then tell them that when the time comes.
They'll be losing deposits for venues etc - doesn't ring true that they are postponing.
That is just so unbelievably rude! I would be raging! Like others have sai, I would go and have the weekend and make the most of it - they will just have to fuck off.
And wait to see if the real reason is that he's been shagging a bridesmaid.
Or she's been shagging a bridesmaid...
Glasgow city centre is a lot nicer now since they did some work on it, it's a great place for a weekend honestly
Go for your weekend and enjoy it.
I'm guessing there's another reason why they've
cancelled postponed the wedding. Because they will have lost thousands on lost deposits as well.
Glasgow is great or alternatively you don't need to leave the hotel!
Definitely still go and have a lovely weekend break. Your MIL is probably really looking forward to having the baby too.
Wow that is bad. Surely they must have realised ages ago that they couldn't afford it. I would still come up to Scotland for the weekend, it's not that bad You could come across to Edinburgh if Glasgow isn't your thing.
Glasgow is a fantastic spot for a weekend away. Go! You'll have a great time. And this "rescheduled" wedding is never going to happen....
I don't think your 7 month would
Incur that much extra fees ... Why don't u go and take dd!! Scotland is lovely! Loch Lomond is stunning!!!!
If not try selling the weekend on somewhere like gumtree, either way you are out of pocket of u don't go
why do you not want to go to Glasgow for the weekend?!
Definitely still go on your weekend away, no point in wasting it. I know you would rather spend it with your dd so either take her with you or bite the bullet and go for it as a last bit of fun before becoming a working mum again and all that brings.
Oh and don't go to the new wedding if it ever occurs. How rude of them!!
Either buy your dd a ticket or just go and enjoy the break. You don't need to miss out on a child free weekend out of guilt but equally it would be nice to go away and take her too! Don't go to the rearranged wedding if it happens though.
Could you change your flights for something later in the year, and use it as your holiday? i.e. add DD on, and go to somewhere else that your airline flies to?
If it is about money I think they've missed the point about getting married (when they say 'properly' they obviously mean big and fancy).
They should have gone ahead with a cheaper venue etc and not let all their friends down like that. Seems that trying to impress people has backfired somewhat if this thread is anything to go by.
I don't want to offend any Scots! Just more that if I had my choice of weekend breaks right now I'd be heading to Rome or Venice or Barcelona etc! But you guys are right, MIL will be looking forward to it, and DD would be better with her than just hanging out with us in one room. I hadn't really even thought about still going as it's just not what we would have chosen but it would be the best way to make the best of the situation...
What sort of stuff do you enjoy doing on a weekend away? Us Scottish mumsnetters can help you plan a great weekend in Glasgow!
Honestly go. You're wasting money if you don't. You'll have a lovely, much needed time with your DP. Romantic dinner, seeing a new city.
If you waste this money by not going, you won't get any sympathy.
Yes advertise the tickets and hotel on Facebook/gumtree and someone may fancy a weekend away.
Then if it doesn't sell come up, it really is a great place for a weekend and we will recommend you some great things to do.
That's if you do leave the hotel
Go to Scotland! You won't get many opportunities for a child-free weekend & your MIL is probably really looking forward to it. Or take DD with you. You've nothing to lose if it's all paid for already.
I'm another vote for this wedding to never go ahead. They would have already paid out a fortune and won't get it back cancelling so close to the date.
Thank you ladies! A nice veggie restaurant maybe? A Thai massage would be lush. A modern art gallery for DH!
I love Glasgow but it's also very easy to get the train through to Edinburgh from there (about 45 mins) and that is a city that can rival Rome, Venice and Barcelona (I've lived in both and would happily visit either).
How fucking rude! I would think that there's definitely more to it - by this point they'll have paid potentially thousands in deposits. It doesn't seem right to me.
Maybe use it as a last wee holiday before you go back to work, and have a day out in Edinburgh - I might be biased, but I think it's a nicer city
We went to Glasgow in the summer. Hadn't really expected to enjoy it. Had ignorant trainspotting style ideas about the whole place. Loved it. I would go again in a heartbeat!
Agree go to Scotland and enjoy. Tell them that you won't be able to afford to go now.
Total lack of consideration!
The Gallery of Modern Art (GOMA) is bang in the middle of Glasgow, not far from George Square.
Go,go and conceive your next little one
They will almost certainly not be getting married.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Defs go to Glasgow. It is a fab city! Loads going on, great places to eat, nice parks, it has a real buzz. I actually prefer visiting Glasgow to Edinburgh (although both are nice!)
Never been to Glasgow but Scotland is a great place for a weekend away. The parts Ive seen have been really beautiful and the people really friendly. You should just go and make the most of the weekend away.
As for the wedding, its sucks but for whatever the reason I'd presume the bride and groom are feeling even worse right now. Try and put your (very very justified) annoyance to the side rather than risking making a possibly really crap time for them worse if they clock on to how upset they have made you.
And if none of that is true and they are genuinely so self-involved they dont care about anyone elses inconvenience - then they are twats so dont give them a second thought anyway.
I wonder if the couple have realised that this will mean lots of their guests will be out of pocket? Maybe with all their own stress, they have naively assumed no one else will be affected. Maybe a nicely worded email to them first?
Go go go! Glasgow is lovely, so much to do! Edinburgh is stunning also!
I'm off to scottisland again next weekend, love the country!
DP was going to be best man at a wedding that was cancelled, I think, a fortnight before.
I think an email to them is definitely in order, explaining that you will not be able to attend the wedding as flights were non refundable.
Honestly how bloody rude
and cowardly to not just admit that the whole charade is off.
Trainspotting was set in Edinburgh Cara !
Glasgow is great..
Can't advise on Thai massage, though.
Also, Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum is well worth a visit. It has quite a mixture of stuff, including modern art. Google it and see if you fancy a visit. It's free, so you can just pop in to see one or two of the 22 galleries.
I agree with the PPs who've suggested their relationship might be on the rocks, who knows. One of my cousins nearly didn't get married as they had doubts, they married & divorced within 3 years.
However much everyone else is inconvenienced you can be sure that this decision hasn't been taken lightly. Cut them some slack and send a nice email saying you understand and hope all is ok.
The truth will out and it could be anything - affair, serious illness of a close family member...
Fair play, February isn't the height of the tourist season in Glasgow
But it will mean prices are lower and it won't be so busy. Kelvingrove Art Gallery should be right up your DH's street.
And in the evenings I'd suggest you take Pumpkin's advice
I agree, make the most of it and go anyway! OK, it might not be your dream destination, but if you can't get your money back, just have a night or two away with your DH and being able to have a long lazy lie in
morning sex go shopping and walk around the town and generally just have some couple time.
Oh, and send a nice, but clear e-mail back to the bride and groom, something like "I'm so sorry you've had to postpond, but do understand it must have been a very difficult decision for you. Unfortunately, we can't change or refund our flights and hotel costs, so aren't going to be able to pay out again to come to the delayed wedding, but hope you have a great day and look forward to seeing the wedding photos." they might find there's others in the same boat and haven't thought about other people having already booked flights/hotels.
Glasgow is lovely!
It's also easy to travel with babies and they don't take any extra space or booking. You can bring her on the plane with you on your lap and put a cot in your room so it's easy if you do want to bring her. But hey, a child free weekend is also something to grab with both hands if you get the chance!
I would try to get refund on the flights and hotel by explaining the circumstances, you might be lucky.
But glasgow is fab!
You can still have a lovely weekend though. You'll probably need the break after being back at work. Plus now you can sightsee and you don't have to make small talk to any strange relatives of the couple.
Edinburgh is lovely, but really, there is heaps to do in Glasgow for a weekend, no need to travel outwith Glasgow.
GO! See it as a bonding weekend with your dh before you return to work. Make the best of it. Lazy breakfast, evening meal out, galleries, massage, etc.
I agree this wedding won't happen. A pain for you, but sad all round really. Enjoy Glasgow
Oh my god! As someone else said, i am furious on your behalf!
Have a fantastic weekend away
of that i am extremely jealous
Don't go to the wedding
Well GOMA in Glasgow is fab, also the Burrell Collection is great and Kelvingrove Gallery.
Some great veggie options - I'd highly recommend Mother India Cafefor Indian tapas, about half are veggie. Probably many others on Byers Road, and fab veggie options at Cail Bruaich on Great Western Road.
I have a great masseuse though not Thai, but can put you in contact. Glasgow city is fab - I don't get in there as much as I should, but my very fussy dd1 rates it as a shopping destination.
Glasgow is a fab place, you could have a fabulous weekend here.
I passed through Glasgow a few months ago and it had great architecture, fabulous bars & loads of restaurants that looked lush. I was off to Dunoon but was definitely gutted I didn't have a few days there. It's booked. It's paid for. GO! You'll have a great time.
Haven't read all the replies but to announce lack of funds and postponing 1 month before would have me thinking they were having problems between the two of them and the money thing was more of an excuse!
I'm sure when I got married the venue, caterers, registrar...in fact all the suppliers wanted final payments more than a month before the actual date.
I would call the hotel and airline and explain the situation and ask if there's any way you can postpone your bookings until the new date. Highly unlikely but if you don't ask you don't get!
Rather than waste the money you've already spent, I'd try and make a weekend away of it for you and DP/H and enjoy!
Also, look on the bright side. This also happened to my parents, but with a family wedding they were due to attend in New Zealand...cue totally unnecessary £8k holiday
I had a weekend in Glasgow a couple of years ago. I wasn't particularly looking forward to it but was going to visit a mate who had moved there.
It is a bloody Amazing city.
Loads to do.
I agree with the others. I think the 'financial difficulties' is face saving excuse for more serious difficulties.
Go visit Glasgow. Have the time with your DH, it could be fab.
I don't think they will lose much actually. It wasn't a big affair and they had some sort of all inclusive package. The payment date was six weeks before wedding which is now. In their defence they are quite sweet and a little naive. They laugh at me and my 'forward planning' and if the situation were reversed would have just rocked up to euston on the day and bought train tickets and stayed in the premier inn. It probably hasn't even occurred to them that anyone would do differently!
It can't be about money, they'd have lost an absolute fortune by cancelling.
I'd be annoyed but first thought would be they are in trouble or that there's some health scare or something.
Go anyway, have a nice time it would be daft not to. Don't write off a city you haven't seen yet. Scotland has some lovely places so I've heard.
Please do try and have some sympathy , it's honestly not as straight forward as the email made out. It can't be.
Modern art exhibitions in Jan/Feb in Glasgow.
There will also be stuff happening at the School of Art:
Lovely museums/art galleries - Peoples' Palace is full of fascinating details of everyday life; Religious Art museum opposite the cathedral is very multicultural; Kelvingrove is big and Victorian and has fantastic 19th/early 20th cent art; Riverside Museum is new and trendy in fabulous building (tho' I find the displays a bit irritating) and have you been to the Burrell Collection?
There are Rennie Mackintosh interiors and exteriors (though Hill House is closed in winter):
And Jan/Feb is the time for the world-class Celtic Connections Music Festival in Glasgow: www.celticconnections.com/Pages/default.aspx
Usually, there are good classical concerts, too: www.glasgowconcerthalls.com/
HappyGirlNow - I know... and I have been to Edinburgh loads of times and love it... it is embarrassing but I just always thought Glasgow would be like Edinburgh but worse / rougher. So if Edinburgh had trainspotting, Glasgow would be trainspotting +. I have no reason / excuse / defence for why I thought that. And I was soooo wrong!
sorry, here are missing links:
That wedding ain't happening. Nope.
Surely everyone discusses a budget prior to planning, with a bit of leeway money "just in case"?
I was due to get married about 15 years ago after being with my partner for 5.5 years. 3 months before the wedding he said to me "I don't think I can go through with this" which upset things rather! Anyway we spent a few weeks going round in circles, he couldn't make a decision so in the end I said "ok, bye then" and we did! Obviously a few more words were said but the crunch time was pay for everything or back out! We lost deposits but fortunately none of our guests were travelling long distance and lost money like you are.
I did tell some people that we were postponing because I was so embarrassed and it was easier to say that than the truth.
Have a lovely weekend in Scotland, baby free as you have the chance. I would tell the friend though as its short notice you would lose your money and unfortunately won't be able to attend the new date (but I don't think there will be one! Hopefully that's not true!)
glasgow events listing guide also has a food and drink section. Tonnes on in Glasgow any time of year, expect rain but honestly, you'll have a great time.
Definitely have a lovely weekend in glasgow !! I'm not far from there and it's a beautiful place . Definitely go to Loch Lomond . And I'd suggest viva Brazil for dinner . If you don't mind saying where are you staying ?
Gosh what plonkers!
I hope you have a wonderful weekend away. I would let them know that you can't reschedule it - maybe you can meet up with them on your weekend and have a pre-wedding celebration.
I would enjoy a kid free weekend in Glasgow with my DH way more than a wedding
Just veggie or do u eat fish? Wudon on great western rd has great sushi/tempura menu with a few just veg choices
There's a "weekend in Glasgow - what's unmissable?" Thread in chat at the moment.
As an aside, how do I link a thread on an iPad?
Glasgow is great. So much to do and very friendly people.
Isn't the Charles Rennie Mackintosh designed Art school in Glasgow. Its the one place I would love to go. daily tours can be booked here:
They sound very dippy. Annoying for you, the bride and groom can't expect you to rebook in the Autumn and shell out again. But try and enjoy your weekend away
Went to a conference in Glasgow last year and loved it! Very different to my expectations. I'd love to go back and explore properly.
Oh yeah, that wedding ain't happening.
My cousin did this.... AFTER people had booked their flights from England to the States! People still went over (on the non-wedding date) and had a great time etc but it wasn't something they would have done if there wasn't a wedding, if you get me?
My mum had booked her flight too, then I got pregnant and was due just after the wedding (she was staying on for a bit), then the wedding got cancelled so she rearranged her holiday so that she was back in time for the birth (typically I went 2 weeks over) then cousin rescheduled the wedding and my mum felt bad that no one from the uk was going (cos of lack of funds!!) so she forked out for a second trip!
Please go and have a fab time before you go back to work
If you fancy seeing a film the grosvenor in the west end has sofas and wine! Or Glasgow film theatre in centre has interesting films. Not sure about Thai massage- blythswood square spa is amazing
I don't buy it either. If there's not a serious problem in the relationship then they are bang out of order. Even if there is, they're saying it's postponed - this surely risks messing people around even further.
Glasgow is brill. Even though we are only an hour away, OH works there everyday, is from there and I lived there for 5 years, we still went there for a weekend sans kids last year. It was great to be in the city (we live in the sticks).
Go and enjoy! I would be annoyed though.
Glasgow is brilliant. Someone's got cold feet, wedding's off I'd bet.
You lot are making me want to visit Glasgow, I'm now planning a city break
I would be severely hacked off too, definitely go and enjoy your weekend, Glasgow is a great place for a weekend break. I would not be attending the rearranged wedding if it goes ahead. The fact that their family wouldn't help them out speaks volumes about what they think of the future of this relationship.
I would say there is more to this story
Feel sorry for them ASAP best they've had to admit they can't afford their wedding, at worst....well .....
Sounds to me like the day is the most important thing!!! They wanna get a grip & realise a wedding day is about celebrating their love together & with people how love & care for them...it's NOT an excuse for a party!!!
Go enjoy your weekend with your little family
Go to Glasgow anyway and have a lovely time. Your friends are taking the piss.
Enjoy your weekend away anyway. It would be a shame to just write that amount of money off.
If it was me,( and the wedding does go ahead) I'd buy them some lovely engraved glasses with the original wedding date in as a present!!
Go to ashton lane for drinks, it's fab!
My coworker's cousin did this - and she was flying from the UK to NEW ZEALAND! And it was a non-refundable flight. No reason given other than 'it's all getting a bit stressful organising it on time and we felt it would be best if we postponed the wedding to a later date and pared down the plans'. I have often wondered if familial relations are still a bit frosty...
A friend did this to me, 2.5 years ago now - it was a wedding in a European city. Actually it was fine, we still went, took baby DS and had a lovely long weekend.
Wedding has yet to be "rescheduled" though
Wedding won't happen.
Another one to say that glagow is wonderful.
Beautiful architecture, macintosh designed art school in the centre- the tour is great.
West end/Ashton lane for evening out.
Kelvingrove park and museum for Sunday.
If you want to you could still go to loch lomond. It's only up the road.
Glasgow was apparently voted best city for veggie restaurants recently or something.
www.trongate103.com/ for modern art. Please go to Sharmanka there. It's magical.
Yet another vote for Glasgow here! Sod the wedding, it's clearly not going to happen!
There must be something else going on.
dirty child free weekend!
I love Glasgow. If I were in London I'd buy the flights and hotel from you, but sadly it would probably cost me as much to get to London as it would to fly from there to Glasgow.
Have you asked around friends and acquaintances? Can you not find someone between you who would like a weekend away, who could buy them from you?
Go to Glasgow. It's a great place.
Well I'm really fucking glad I don't know most of the people who have already posted on this thread. Fucking selfish!
If this were my friends, I'd be really worried about them, not thinking they were selfish or being unreasonable. I'm sure any friend if mine would have the intelligence to work out the impact it would have on others (many would have had time off work and bought a gift, maybe booked a room etc) and it wouldn't have been any easy decision, or would have taken something really serious to prompt this.
It takes a lots to cancel a wedding only a month before it was due to take place and they'd have lost a lot of money doing so, so I wouldn't be convinced by their explanation of money troubles.
Even if it were money troubles, it would have to be pretty bloody serious and very upsetting for them to have to cancel the wedding and lose a lot of money and not be getting married as they'd have wanted too.
Either way, these friends have got some serious problems in their lives at the moment and I'm sure could do with their true friends to support them through this difficult time
not like the selfish fuckers who have posted without any thought for the 'happy couple'
Joysmum. I agree really. But the thread was started by the op, with a different problem.
Yes, I think that this means things have gone badly wrong for the couple.
I agree the money story is an excuse, cover for other problems of some sort.
They would have lost a lot more money on this - venue, caterers, photographer, printed stationery with names and dates on, honeymoon suite, honeymoon? than they can save in another couple of months.
I do think it is still very selfish of them.
Whatever you say Joysmum. Maybe OP should swing in like relationship Batman and save them from themselves or maybe she should beat herself with a birch stick in sympathy.
God forbid she try to make the best of a bad situation.
C'mon joysmum, if the 'happy couple' had posted then that sort of advice would be what they had got.
OP posted with a completely different dilemma, so that's the responses she has had.
I do think it is still very selfish of them
Selfish how? They should still get married just to please the wedding guests, irrespective of what problems exist behind the scenes?
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Actually if you are veggie don't go to viva Brazil !!
Just noticed I still have my Christmas namechange, better go fix that
Glasgow is lovely - I'm jealous.
Just send them an email saying flights are non-refundable so you're going to use them anyway and you doubt you can afford to pay a second time but will review it when they name the second date.
ha ha at swing in like relationship Batman
Bet you anything their relationship is on the rocks. Chances are you won't need to attend any wedding in the autumn. I say enjoy it as a dirty weekend and prepare for future drama from this bride and groom...
Enjoy your weekend, I work in Glasgow and cant add anything else that anyone hasn't said, you will have a great time! Its not offending me saying you would rather visit Barcelona etc, that's totally understandable - I would to because of the weather, February in Glasgow is going to be cold and probably wet but don't let that put you off. Its booked so you may as well enjoy!
not so happy couple are having second thoughts they would be stupid to go through with the wedding to be polite
Yes they would. But the email is frustrating ie we can't afford to do it as we wish in a month so we'll postpone until the autumn. If there are problems and thus isn't true it is sad but it's not hard to understand the wording in the email being annoying.
If it is to do with them having problems it might have been best to to phone the guests and really apologised. You would feel sorry for them and, probably, a bit pissed off with them at the same time.
If they cancelled just for financial reason then I would feel more pissed of with them, especially if it was because they were trying to afford a fancy wedding.
I'm with Joysmum. My immediate thoughts were, there must be something pretty shitty going on for the bride and groom :-(
I concur, enjoy your weekend in Glasgow.
!!!! A month before the wedding! YANBU. Go on your weekend and send them a card for their wedding! Another one who thinks they won't get married...
I would now be having a
dirty weekend away with dh though
it might have been best to to phone the guests and really apologised
And then have to tell their story x number of times and be questioned about it, pushing for the real reason? Fuck that.
The OP described them as good friends, now is the time to respect their decision and support them. The money's not wasted, she gets to have a lovely weekend away with her husband which for me would be 10x better than a wedding away.
Def go for wknd in Glasgow! Lived there and has big place in my heart. Fab for culture, art, shopping, cinema, fab bars, restaurants... West end was my area. Yy to Ashton lane. Parks beautiful. Botanical gardens lovely. Merchant city v cool if more central but great tube gives access all over.
Sorry about wedding though. Ring yr friend. You sound like a good friend and she might need you if all pear shaped.
I do hope you make the best of the situation and come for a break in Glasgow - it was voted no 10 in the Rough Guide top cities to visit in 2014!
If I were you, I'd visit the Kelvingrove Art Gallery & then spend an evening in Finneston - eat in The 78 (it's casual, vegan & has a real fire for the cold Scottish days) or in Mother India Cafe (tapas style Indian food) and then do a pub crawl down Argyle St. Tis the place to be these days! (Although Ashton Lane is much prettier).
Can you transfer your tickets to another place if not another date?
I wonder what they will do when they get emails from the guests saying they won't be able to come twice.
What weekend is it? How much is it costing? I might be interested in buying it off you if you're not wanting to go...
Oh just make the most of it and go and have a lovely weekend away just the two of you. Much better than going to a wedding.
Don't go the the rearranged wedding and don't send a gift. Mainly because I don't think they will actually be getting wed. Sounds v much like relationship is in the toilet.
I would be furious with the two of them.
But in reality, what can you do ? Since its all paid for and arranged I would just go and enjoy the weekend together.
Yes, I do think it is selfish of them and I stand by that.
People would have been sad, shocked and inconvenienced/out of pocket if they had just cancelled the whole thing - but they are apparently (and again we probably don't know the whole story) just putting it off till later in the year, meaning their wants/convenience comes before that of their guests, who have already made lots of commitments and financial arrangements.
They MUST have known sooner than this that they were not going to afford it on time and they COULD have toned it down a bit to make it cheaper, even if that meant a different venue but still in the same area at the same weekend that everyone has booked to go there. That they are expecting their guests to suck up any financial loses they incur due to the cancellation and still fork out to come later in the year is very selfish of them. I accept this is only IMHO, but if it were me I would definitely NOT accept the rescheduled date because there's no guarantee they wont do exactly the same thing again. Their wedding is not so important that it is worth upsetting all their friends and family over - I am sure everyone would rather have stumped up £20 towards to reception instead of lose out on non refundable flights/hotels etc.
My first thoughts would actually be concern for my friends. I would worry that they must benhaving awful problems to cancel so close to the day. Are they OK? How disappointed they must be. How awful fr them that they have had to do this - it would have to be a real crisis to make anyone cancel a wedding like that.
Then, after I had at least texted to ask if there was anything way I could help, then I would be thinking either, ooh lovely child-free w/e in Glasgow, and get on the net to see what we could do while there; or thinking who could go instead of me.
go to your lovely weekend in your nice hotel have some time with your husband
bugger them l for doing that to people I wouldnt go to their autumn wedding
Cantabile they are saying they are postponing. Whether this is true or not (and actually they are on the verge of splitting up) they have caused hassle for their guests and left many of them out of pocket. The blithe email does not help. Phantom is right and I'd be pissed off too.
The prospective bride might have just had a m/c for all you know phantom.
Or he might've just lost his job and they can't afford to eat- let alone pay for a wedding.
I seriously doubt they
cancelled postponed the whole thing in preference to downgrading the wine quality or amount of fresh flowers.
I second everyone who is saying enjoy the weekend in Scotland!
I think you should write a polite and lovely email to the couple, saying that you're really sorry but due to the fact that you had booked the flights and the hotel on a non-refundable basis, you can't afford to come to the rescheduled wedding. Wish them all the best, and tell them you can't wait to see the photos!
I think you should write a polite and lovely email to the couple, saying that you're really sorry but due to the fact that you had booked the flights and the hotel on a non-refundable basis, you can't afford to come to the rescheduled wedding. Wish them all the best, and tell them you can't wait to see the photos!
yes do this , it is annoying but what can you do really dont lose any money from your flights etc
Of course those things could have happened, but given what the OP actually says, which is all we have to go on....
Then today we get an email saying that, 'unfortunately we've had to make the difficult decision to put the wedding back to the autumn. We were struggling to pay for the wedding on time and think it would just be better to delay a few months so that we can save a bit more and do it properly. We hope you understand and can make the rearranged date'
it does sound like they are about wanting it just how they want it and not willing to compromise on what they want (flowers and wine as you put it). Which IS selfish, at this stage, when your guests have so much invested in your previous arrangements. Given some of the bridezillas we read about on here on a very regular basis, many do seem to have the "it's all about what I want and stuff you" attitude.
If they had worded it more like "due to unforeseen circumstances" people might have been more concerned for them that there was an illness etc. Their wording makes it look like they are putting having their perfect day above any inconvenience caused.
I do agree the OP should just make the most of enjoying the weekend away, but NOT bend over backwards or break the bank to attend the rearranged date.
Go, have a fab weekend with your DH and try and be generous with your friends, assuming this is not a decision they made lightly on the spur of the moment and they are in real difficulties. It is annoying and thoughtless but what is done is done. I don't really understand the need for a huge and/or fancy wedding, it wasn't something I ever wanted but if they have bought a package I suspect they have no option to cut back on anything. It is probably a fixed price and there is no possibility to downsize.
If they live up there, clearly they won't have anything else to do that weekend now. Could you meet up with them for lunch one day or something? They might appreciate off loading if things are getting too much and you will at least have been able to wish them well in person even if it isn't on their big day.
As you've paid you should definitely go for the weekend & enjoy the child-free time with your dh.
Of course you feel pissed off with the bride & groom, but as others have said, it's possible that there is more to it than they have said. If/when they do reschedule the wedding, you shouldn't feel any guilt in declining their invitation & wishing them well in a card (I wouldn't send a gift in those circs!)
Sorry to hear your plans have been changed.... Assuming you do decide to go ahead with the trip, I thought this thread might help you:
Unmissable Glasgow thread
My vote is 100% go - you need some time out before your matty leave ends for you too.
Looking forward to an update
Well I think the wording of the email made it pretty clear. As someone else said they could have said 'due to unforeseen circumstances' or something similar (which anyone would have sympathised with and felt worried for them) and left it at that. But no they went into detail about the fact they just wanted to afford a 'better' wedding. Why would it occur to someone to say that if it wasn't true? If the truth was that you had some personal problems or unforeseen emergency that were too private to share wouldn't you just be as vague as possible?
If it really had been something awful, then surely a hint at that, rather than making themselves sound like show-offy twits would have been better?
And actually I do think that if you have asked people to shell out considerable amounts of money in order to attend your wedding, that if you cancel it therefore costing your guests money that you should tell them why, or at least come as close to the truth as you can.
I don't think YABU, but you should go anyway and enjoy the break. Maybe you can get together with all the other guests in the same boat and have a party? At pretty short notice that's poor form - sounds like there's more to it.
I was a bridesmaid at a wedding that was postponed by 6 months due to finances. They didn't tell anyone until quite late on they were postponing. Luckily the hotel let everyone swop their rooms till the new date, I guess the resold them to the guests of whoever did get married there that day. When they finally got married, it didn't even last till the first anniversary. Quite sad really.
Very frustrating for you. Go anyway had have a fabulous weekend and don't go the wedding and don't feel guilty about not going.
The bride and groom may well be having relationship issues, however that doesn't mean that they aren't being rude. I'd be bloody pissed off if I'd booked non-refundable travel, then received a breezy email which did not in any way acknowledge that people would be out of pocket and inconvenienced by their actions. What about the people who have budgeted and saved up in order to afford being a guest at this wedding?
Being a 'good friend' works both ways.
Called the bride earlier. It's her hen do this weekend. Was quite surprised it's still on, but it is! Asked if everything was ok. It is. Gently suggested that we might not be able to make the rescheduled date and she was quite put out, even more so when I said we would still be going to glasgow for a weekend! She said that she doesn't understand why I would have to plan ahead so much and that no one else has lost money on flights etc, and that she'd be heartbroken if they had. Turns out the venue is more than happy to push back a few months and they won't lose any money at all, bar three hundred quid rearrangement fee.
So an awkward hen do in bloody Bromley awaits!
Can't believe no one else has booked accommodation or travel. Good luck with the hen do.
I think the vast majority of her friends and family are in Scotland. There aren't many of us down south, and I know a lot are travelling for the hen do. I think her point is that most won't have booked a non refundable hotel and will just buy train tickets as and when. I genuinely don't think it would occur to her that people forward plan.
But the wedding is next month....how would you have not organised travel care of dd etc.... Was she apologetic? I bet you cannot wait for hen do....
Is she thick? Expecting you to leave arrangements for trips by plane and hotels to the absolute last minute? Who does that!
oh joy, an awkward hen do in Bromley with an unappreciative bride who doesn't understand why losing hundreds of pounds is a big deal for you...
Ah, Bromley... fun times await you I'm sure.
I bet others have lost money, whatever she says -maybe they have not found out/heard from many peoples yet, maybe people are shocked and unsure of how to tell them how they feel.
If people have lost money it will come out at the hen-do. I guarantee it.
Hmmm....I'd be fuming if she pulls a stink about you not being able to make the 'rematch.' I was starting to agree with the posters who thought there must be other issues- I can't believe hen is still on. They're mad, sorry.
Blimey, what a thoughtless brideziller
I would have been really apologetic if I had been her.
I don't know why you were nervous about saying that you may not be able to come to the rescheduled wedding? You have nothing to be embarrassed about
I notice she wasn't heartbroken enough to offer to make up your losses though.
Blimey Bromley! I live there but I don't see it as a prime destination for a hen night. The dubious delights of Biba' s nightclub may await. Brace yourself! (At least you have a weekend away to recover coming up).
She sounds clueless and no, she wasn't really heartbroken I reckon. I would see her in a very different light after this and would probably get very ill the day of the hen party so I had to pull out.
Come see us Glaswegians and remember to look up. People who live in the city don't but know that on the older buildings all the amazing architecture is high up. I'd say a shopping trip round Buchanan street, gallery of modern art in queen street then food at la vita which is Italian- lots of veggie options and is a few metres from the gallery on the corner at George Square (needs a booking fri/sat). I never take time to enjoy the city as I'm working there.
Go and enjoy your weekend away. Sure it's not what you would have done, but make the most of it! G is a cool city for a weekend.
You have to have some vegetarian haggis - it's fab. I absolutely loved it and the thing is, everytime your order it, it comes out different!
Hen night in Bromley sounds a bit grim, but hopefully it'll be fun.
Skip the hen night? Better that than go not in the spirit of things.
I'd be mortified if I were the bride. If all they've lost is £300 I'd be offering to pay for you a second time.
My goodness. And you've a hen do in Bromley to survive?
I'm not convinced there's a secret tragedy here, and I'm amazed that she criticised you for making plans to attend her wedding!
I would go to Glasgow. Shops are good there and it's got to be nice having a weekend away with dh?
Is she keeping the hen night the same because she's made travel plans?
She should be mortified at you being unable to cancel. I frequently book non cancellable hotels for weddings/parties as the dates don't (usually) change. If it was a night out with friends, I might want a bit more flexibility.
Wait and see when the rearranged wedding is, go if it suits you, don't if it doesn't. You could set a price limit in advance as your cut off for flights+hotel. If I were her I'd feel obliged to pay or at least contribute to your wasted costs. Wouldn't hold your breath though.
See, if the bulk of the guests are local, then I can see the bulk won't have had to make travel plans or book hotels in advanced, however it's really odd she hadnt considered the non-local guests would have done, or thought you odd for having done so.
Ime, rude people aren't worth bothering with. A lot of excuses get used round weddings and the phrase "bridezilla" gives the impression it's a temporary thing, but rudeness and lack of thought for others is a problem that's rarely contained just to wedding related issues. Keep her at arms length.
Bit stunned that the hen do is still going ahead, would love to be a fly on the wall.
Well this might well be an awkward weekend. The worst thing is that she is potentially pissed off with you for maybe not being able to make the new date. It may well be that people forward planning had not occurred to her. But now that she knows the situation, I would be expecting her to be very apologetic rather than pissed off with you for being organised.
Hope the hen weekend goes ok and you don't end up resenting spending even more money effectively on the wedding you may not be going to.
Have a fantastic time in Glasgow, I haven't been for a few years but last time I went I was very pleasantly surprised.
TBH, I wouldn't be going to the hen do & I'd be dumping her as a friend.
agree diddl . We were almost in this position when we lived abroad but fortunately rang to confirm details just before booking flights to UK etc. Groom asked us to wait and a few days later we found out it was off. It did go ahead at another venue, in a different area of the country, several months later. The original plan had been a childfree wedding but as the new location meant it infeasible to leave dc with gps as planned we had to insist on bringing them, really awkward as best friends still had to leave theirs behind and make a roundabout detour to drop/pick up.
op, I'd go away for weekend as planned but make sure that everyone knows you cannot do this twice and will unfortunately now have to miss the actual do. I'd have already booked for next month , bride is selfish to assume no one would have and carry on with hen do etc as if nothing has changed.
It is a bit over forward planning isn't it? For October
I thought that invitations usually went out six weeks before & it wouldn't be odd to book asap on receiving them, would it?
So quite why bride thinks it's odd that OP would have already booked is beyond me.
and if it genuinely were money troubles wouldn't the hen/stag do's be the first things to cut back on ?
I think people might well book earlier than the official invitations if they receive a save the date.
The bride sounds a bit dim.
Go to Glasgow for a child free weekend & miss the wedding. Bromley an erm interesting place for a hen-do!
Lizs - hen dos are often very cheap in comparasion - mine was under £100, whereas our wedding was £20k in total, cancelling the hen do would be a drop in the ocean if we'd not saved enough to cover the wedding!
Well it depends on the hen do but I appreciate what you are saying about it being relatively cheap . However wouldn't you have more respect for some claiming money issues if they decided to scale it down or not go ahead with it?
How ironic her criticising you for your forward planning when if she'd actually planned ahead herself she might not have booked a wedding she then discovered she couldn't afford to pay for!!!
I would definitely NOT be going on the hen do. She is critical of your choices yet her choices mean she can't afford her fancy pants wedding.
I would cancel the night before and not even give a reason.
"difficult decision" in this case = want sympathy imho.
diddl - usually it is about 3 months before the wedding that the invitations go out but of course save the date cards can go out whenever.
Come to Glasgow - it's an amazing city!
Was it by any chance at Cameron House? I really can't see them rescheduling it without cost.
I'd be so torn about the hen do. One the one hand it could be very tense because everyone will be wondering WTF is going on and will probably have made arrangements for the wedding day, which will now need to be changed. On the other hand the bride will likely get scuttered and tell you all that she shagged the best man, the groom wants to cancel the wedding but she's working on him.
I second Finnieston- Byres road used to be really artsy but has been overrun by girls with mermaid hair & stripper shoes. The kelvingrove cafe does lovely cocktails and and has a lovely twinkly atmosphere.
The Blytheswood hotel is lovely for a dinner or drink. It is really opulent but has a really mixed crowd- suits and art students. If you want to see Glasgow in all its versace'd glory, try the Corinthian. Really, really beautiful inside but with just an edge of vulgarity. I love it to people watch.
I would pull out of the hen.
Woah! There is no way you will be the only people losing out financially. I will eat my hat if that is not a big fat
lie head-in-sand moment.
In my experience, postponement is rarely to do with cash, and always to do with relationship. I've never known a postponed wedding actually to take place....
Maybe their way of affording the wedding is to piss off all the guests so hardly any go so they don't have to pay for so many!
I know everyone is saying that Glasgow is amazing - but really OP I think if you go expecting it to be wonderful you might well be disappointed!
If you expect Glasgow to be as shit as you'd first thought then it is likely to be pretty good.
Edinburgh is nice and it's easy to get to by train.
Glasgow kicks Edinburgh's butt
How wierd - she has a go at you about 'forward planning' but presumably she has planned sufficiently forward for her wedding date next month - and now for the one in Autumn? And has booked or otherwise considered how she will get from Bromley to scotland for it? Is she really going to rely on train ticktts being available the weekend before? Or there bing no delays or cancellations? And anyway, train and plane tickets are cheaper the further ahead you book...
Def go to scotland for a dirty weekend - or add your dc to the plane tickets; IIRC a baby will sit on your lap and is not usually charged for anyway. hotels will usually add a cot for no extra charge.
And be 'ill' on the Hen night.
If she had been forward planning, she would not be in a position where she could not afford her wedding, so odd to have a go at you for having an ability that she lacks!
I think you've got to be philosophical about these things. It's a shame, £500 down the shi**er, but look on the bright side: rather than going to a wedding (which is always 80% obligation to 20% joy, anyway, and not much fun for little ones), you now have the perfect excuse to do what you want instead, including maybe having a random little weekend away yourselves if you want, or not if you don't (I follow Hardeep on twitter, and he's always on about the food in Glasgow).
Just go with it.
It's her fuck up. She probably doesn't see it that way, but who cares? Are they in their 'Before Kids' phase? I didn't plan much either back then. Life was lived on the hoof. It's a bit different when the little ones join the party!
I'd still go on the hen. Enjoy it. Be nice. If she's a little funny about you not shelling out £500 twice, that's up to her. She's entitled to feel how she wants - and I don't see why you should let that bother you.
I'd be in 2 minds about going to the hen night, but if I did go it would be my mission to get the bride a little tiddly and find out the truth!
Whatever you do OP, I'd love you to get the glasses that I linked to above with the original wedding date on and give them to the happy couple if the wedding does go ahead! Actually, I'll buy them myself and send them anonymously if you like!!!!
Just because you are the only one who has mentioned losing out because of the change of date, I bet you anything that you aren't. She probably hasn't spoken to most people about it or maybe the ones she has spoken to can afford to take the hit and just fork out again in the autumn so haven't mentioned it. If most of them aren't travelling that far I doubt there is much planning or cost involved anyway.
I agree it is weird that she should be having a go at you for forward planning (is booking flights and a hotel several hundred miles from home that hard to understand anyway?) when she has just had to admit to the world (or her guests at any rate) that bad planning has meant that she can't afford to have her wedding on the date she originally booked it. If she had thought ahead, she probably would have realised months ago that it wasn't going to happen or would have had the time to find the money to make sure that it did.
She sounds a little like she needs to grow up. Flying by the seat of your pants and hoping for the best might be OK when you are a young adult and have no responsibilities but it is a bit lame when you are getting to the age where you are supposed to be old enough to settle down and get married.
How did the hen do go, OP?
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