Dear Vagisil.....pray do tell what the actual fuck is this intimate area to which you refer?

(82 Posts)
HoneyDragon Mon 13-Jan-14 18:24:51

Because I'm fairly certain I don't have one. Given the nature of your topical application products I think you may be referring to either my vagina or vulva.

Well Vagisil, that's actually one of my least intimate areas. In its time it has harboured a couple of small humans, not only did they take a trip both up and down it, they spent several happy months head butting it.

It has been acquainted with several men (incidentally non appeared scared by occasional sweating or indeed it's lack of pleasant floral scent).

On the top of that, I suspect my intimate area has been viewed by more medical professionals than my teeth. In fact my dentist is probably the only medically qualified professional who hasn't had look up there.

I also, occasionally let strange ladies look at it when they remove hair from it, before I go on holiday.

I have no objection to what you sell, I get that people want to buy it. But here's a thought, if your big enough and clever enough to be able to advertise on national tv than maybe you could be big and clever enough to say

"Hey, we're Vagisil and we'd like to stop your vulva sweating"

I mean please, just try it. Because then I won't have to find you all and shove your products up your intimate areas.

Kind regards

Honeydragon.

YouTheCat Mon 13-Jan-14 18:26:19

It needs renaming 'Thrush-in-a-tube'. grin

TribbleWithoutATardis Mon 13-Jan-14 18:34:48

<weeps>

TribbleWithoutATardis Mon 13-Jan-14 18:35:10

Oops <weeps with laughter>

Calloh Mon 13-Jan-14 18:36:03

I missed the ad! Although I did hear that they like to show it on a Monday morning as it is officially when we are at our most vulnerable - and therefore most likely to agree that we need freshen up.

I've just youtubed the various ads for this stuff. Don't really get the ads, there's one that calls it the cradle of life, suggests that men have died for it and we should love it and hail the v. It did make me laugh but do men only die for florally scented ones?

HoneyDragon Mon 13-Jan-14 18:36:26

How can it be, with its mystical neutral ph levels. Meaning many, many chemicals and man hours have been carefully and scientifically devoted to making something just like water?

All that science and they don't know the right word for the part they want you to use it on.

meddie Mon 13-Jan-14 18:36:40

I never realised it was possible to snort half chewed ginger nut biscuit down your nose. Today I discover it actually is.... Thank you for that Honeydragon

HoneyDragon Mon 13-Jan-14 18:38:37

You are very welcome. Perhaps next you could try and snort ginger biscuits up your intimate area? Wherever it is?

meddie Mon 13-Jan-14 18:39:56

If I could bend to reach it I would no longer require a boyfriend

Greenandcabbagelooking Mon 13-Jan-14 18:42:48

I am quite literally LOL. Finally, a sensible thread!

Fabulous... you are about to reposted all over my FB ... too good not to share!

HoneyDragon Mon 13-Jan-14 18:47:14

I am considering sending it to Vagisil. They have got on my tits somewhat.

HoneyDragon Mon 13-Jan-14 18:47:51

Which is a shame is they aren't aiming to get on my tits really are they?

Tweet it to them..they are bound to be on Twitter!

SecretNutellaFix Mon 13-Jan-14 18:49:22

Are you a leetle hormonal at the minute? wink

Please don't ram Vagisil up my nethers.

purrforagoodkip Mon 13-Jan-14 18:49:41

This is absolutely brilliant. Superb.

dadinthehat Mon 13-Jan-14 18:50:14

I don't own a vulva, but it did strike me that Vagisil where trying to solve a problem that didn't need solving. Another advert designed to make women self-conscious about their bodies.

Imagine the same ad for men:

"Got sweaty balls?..."

meddie Mon 13-Jan-14 18:50:54

Blatantly posting on my fb too

Beehatch Mon 13-Jan-14 18:51:30

Perhaps you need some of my patented 'Norkisil' wash - guaranteed to rid your lady lumps of all unwanted attentions wink

meddie Mon 13-Jan-14 18:52:56

Ahh now we discussed this before dadinahat. bollocky breeze or testifresh were possible front runners for that sweaty sack dilemma. Though apparently a towel cape and hair dryer are de rigeur

HoneyDragon Mon 13-Jan-14 18:54:40

Gonadsil, because fresh minty balls make you confident enough to do anything.

Kundry Mon 13-Jan-14 18:54:41

Thrush-in-a-tube

Genius, sheer genius.

Mostly men have seen my lady parts en route to a shag. So far not one has stopped to complain about the pH or lack of floral scent. My vagina (in common with everyone else's) is self-cleaning, thanks.

StillNoFuckingEyeDeer Mon 13-Jan-14 18:56:27

grin meddie

PseudoBadger Mon 13-Jan-14 18:58:11

grin

HoneyDragon Mon 13-Jan-14 19:01:22

You can see the article can't you.

A picture of Keith and Avaline Roberts, with requisite tabloid sad faces.

If only I'd known about about Vagisil, and it's ph values. I never knew that the acid levels in my intimate area would eventually dissolve Keith's member. It could've many more happy years of intimacy and a chance of a normal life for Keith.

See, Avaline is one of the thousands of women in the UK who suffer from Acid fanjo. Sadly, by the time this terrible affliction to your intimate area is discovered its to late. Until Vagisil many lived secret sexless lives unable to speak to professionals about their withering winkles...

PseudoBadger Mon 13-Jan-14 19:01:28

Big Train has the product for you Dadinahat...

PseudoBadger Mon 13-Jan-14 19:02:01

*dadinthehat blush

dadinthehat Mon 13-Jan-14 19:05:05

Isn't the floral scent due to ladies farts smelling of roses?

KurriKurri Mon 13-Jan-14 19:05:14

Vagisil is the invention of Beelzebub anyway - I used some once - never again, - would have burned less if I'd shoved two chillies and a firework up my intimate area.

Fortunately I am now old and single so a fragrant intimate area is low on my list of priorities, - carefree and stinky is my lifestyle choice.

HoneyDragon Mon 13-Jan-14 19:08:30

Never apply Vicks to small children then insert a Mooncup btw.

It's breezy yet burns.

HoneyDragon - I really, really love you!

dadinthehat Mon 13-Jan-14 19:17:42

Thank you PseudoBadger. I'll look out for that in Boots.

Faithless12 Mon 13-Jan-14 19:30:34

Honeydragon I have just read your post out to DH and we are now both in hysterics.

Goldencity1 Mon 13-Jan-14 19:32:53

Don't think I'll read this thread to the DH....he already finds the adverts far too explicit! grin shock

Bootycall Mon 13-Jan-14 19:36:57

definatly would give me thrush. horrible stuff. love the post.

DodgyHips Mon 13-Jan-14 19:42:22

Vulvas SWEAT?!

Vagisil is to stop them SWEATING?

Like, vulva deodorant?

For real?

CuntyBunty Mon 13-Jan-14 19:42:29

Is it not for an itchy fanny then? Is it supposed to be like Femfresh? It will wash all the pheromones away.

They can go to hell; I am happy, nay, proud of my womanly muskwink.

TheDrugsWorkABitTooWellThanks Mon 13-Jan-14 19:44:12

I think it's next to your downstairs dept.

Past furnishing, on the left by haberdashery.

lambbone Mon 13-Jan-14 19:48:51

That's the stuff we call Kunt-o-Kleen in our house when the ad comes on. We are very refined.

You could always buy a tube to give to someone you think is a irritating twat.

JupiterGentlefly Mon 13-Jan-14 19:50:03

I am actually a fan of the scented panty liners. I dont tend to use them but I don't mind. I did see the whole thread where most people sent them to Hades and thats fine.. But seriously why the fuck do they try and convince people they need to deodorise their foof???
I had BV once (happy to share) I needed a trip to the doctors PDQ can you imagine if I had thought oh gosh thats a bit whiffy must be in need of a clean of my intimate area!!

RevoltingPeasant Mon 13-Jan-14 19:57:30

Honey I just spent a whole two minutes wondering why you were applying Vicks to small children, putting them in a Mooncup, and thrusting them up your lady parts. Is she a childminder or some kind of weirdo, I wondered?

Then I realised I'd got the steps in your post mixed up...

meddie Mon 13-Jan-14 19:57:50

Scented pads are the work of the devil. Might as well take a brillo pad to my fanjo. Same effect and a bit cheaper

Shallishanti Mon 13-Jan-14 19:58:58

a very good point Jupitergentlefly!
Incidentally, do they really claim to be pH neutral? because actually your fanjo should be slightly acidic-which you can tell from the taste grin

WandaDoff Mon 13-Jan-14 20:01:54

I thought vagisil was for itchy fanjos not sweaty ones shock

StupidMistakes Mon 13-Jan-14 20:04:44

My question is where is all the penifresh ads? you know that special stuff for mens intimate areas cos they smell more than we do equally as much.

Planning on getting lucky, but don't smell of roses? penifresh the ultimate in male intimate hygiene, guaranteed to make you smell of flowers!

mrstigs Mon 13-Jan-14 20:09:41

I agree men need a version. 'Sacfresh' or something. Though that sounds like something you would use on your bin...
Sweaty man balls have got to be more stinky than our poor old vulvas.

Kundry Mon 13-Jan-14 20:11:16

Wanda, I don't think the makers of Vagisil care what you think it's for, as long as they convince you there's something wrong with your vagina that needs fixing with Vagisil bastards

HoneyDragon Mon 13-Jan-14 20:24:32

SDTG I loves you too smile

Really they are missing marketing gold mines, I mean they've only cornered one half of the crotch market by sticking with females.

What about something for elbow creases. Or a scented airfreshener you could stick under your csection overhang?

Perhaps for the more taught ladies a fetching scented jewel for your belly button.

And for the older gentlemen a lightly scented spray to cling to ear hairs?

endlesstidying Mon 13-Jan-14 20:29:54

To be fair I did once have my dentist peep at my "intimate area". That said I was in an intimate relationship with him at the time.

My neurologist has never shown the slightest inclination towards taking a look though!!

Otherwise I agree with every word you say smile

Pixel Mon 13-Jan-14 20:31:28

I too thought it was just for ahem..'feminine itching' (the correct term I believe grin) so I was forced to google, and Yes! it is indeed to stop odour from happening. Wonderful grammar there.

Honey - I think your Intimate Area sounds absolutely super.

Have you considered hiring it out as a licensed venue for weddings?

You could set up a nice temporary gazebo by the arse-cheek there - and themed staff could greet guests with a glass of shampoo at the front of the gusset (just next to the ornamental fountain and the seating plan board).

HoneyDragon Mon 13-Jan-14 21:14:46

Well, I'm not sure whether ones intimate area would be floral enough for the viewing public now?

HoneyDragon Tue 14-Jan-14 13:08:13

WILL SOMEONE PLEASE GET THAT ADVERT OF MY TV IT HAS PUT ME OFF MY TUNA SANDWICH AND ONION RINGS AS I NOW FILLED WITH RAGE INSTEAD OF SANDWICH angry

gaggiagirl Tue 14-Jan-14 13:24:58

<cries laughing>

So is vagisil for those who's tuppences are a wee bit too tart?

Or like an air freshener type thing?

wonderingsoul Tue 14-Jan-14 13:41:38

i must be the only one who likes it and doesnt end up with thrush becasue of it...

makes me feel better and less parinoied , esp around that time of the month...

HoneyDragon Tue 14-Jan-14 13:56:25

Wondersoul
grin
I made my feelings clear. It's in the chemists, ergo people must like it.

But do you apply it to your intimate area? And if so where is that?

Vagisil sounds like something that should be next to Polyfilla in B&Q.

Get them mixed up and you'd have a shiny crumbly new hymen.

Mmm, crumbly.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit Tue 14-Jan-14 14:25:10

<ponders>

Do vulvas sweat? It is not a part of my body that I have noticed getting sweaty. Upper thighs, yes. Vulva, not so much.

Also, 'intimate body wash'. That's just shampoo for your pubes, right?

Pube Shampoo is much catchier.

QueenStromba Tue 14-Jan-14 14:30:03

I for one never notice my vulva sweating.

Wolfiefan Tue 14-Jan-14 14:38:01

Sweaty vulva? Sweat soaked cameltoe? You need kuntinacan!
Not sure my future lies in advertising!

HoneyDragon Tue 14-Jan-14 14:43:40

Wolfie I think you might me on to something

Kuntinacan

Taking Kunt out of kan't.

gaggiagirl Tue 14-Jan-14 15:04:18

I would say the intimate area has to be under the norks or the belly button. Both areas rarely viewed and starved of attention. We must need some floral lotion for those bits.

oldgrandmama Tue 14-Jan-14 15:20:14

Got an idea for smelly scrotums ... (scrota? My Latin's a bit rusy).

'Freshen your Niffy Nuts'.

OK I lost it at "kuntinacan" grin

You ladies crack me up. Wasn't there an advert in Viz for "Twinkle Twat" or something similar?

RevoltingPeasant Tue 14-Jan-14 15:32:06

Shampube?

iklboo Tue 14-Jan-14 15:37:19

'ast thee flecky minge? Use Kuntinacan. It's canny for your fanny!

KhunZhoop Tue 14-Jan-14 15:44:44

OI! YOU WITH THE VAGINA! YOU STINK OF VAGINA. YOU STINKY VAGINA-OWNER. POP A CHEMICAL STEW UP YOUR CHUFF, AND FEEL LESS SHAME ABOUT HAVING A VAGINA. YOU CUNT.

That's what they're actually saying. Twats.

EduCated Tue 14-Jan-14 15:54:53

Kunz Please, please, please can you go into marketing?

sydlexic Tue 14-Jan-14 15:59:03

DH said is that what you women use t get rid of smelly cunts. I replied no divorce. He is a charmer.

sicutlilium Tue 14-Jan-14 16:10:07

Twinkle Twat.

KhunZhoop Tue 14-Jan-14 16:39:10

EduCated, I might forward this whole thread to their PR people, actually.

oldgrandmama Tue 14-Jan-14 17:45:04

Ooh, go on, KhunZhoop, forward it on ... I dare you.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Tue 14-Jan-14 18:51:17

I assumed that by 'sweat' etc these advertisements are skipping around saying 'stop your fanny smelling like kippers on the turn' . I don't get it. If you shower then your box won't smell. Just wash. Sigh.

Beehatch Tue 14-Jan-14 21:58:08

A young woman from the Hindu Kush
Was terribly ashamed of her bush
Vagisil she supposes
For an odour of roses
But it ended with thundering thrush

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Tue 14-Jan-14 22:29:15

Bacon-flavoured for chaps' bits would be nice. Or maybe Paxo.

WallyBantersJunkBox Wed 15-Jan-14 22:26:34

Talc I think your wedding venue sounds so romantic.

I probably wouldn't partake of the chocolate fountain though.

splasheeny Wed 15-Jan-14 23:08:24

I don't have a TV.

Can someone link to this ad?

It sounds hilarious and I think I am missing out!

Wolfiefan Wed 15-Jan-14 23:08:58

There was a young lady from Carlisle
Whose fanjo was sweaty and vile
She used Kuntinacan
And quickly began
To feel stinging that made her run miles!

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams Wed 15-Jan-14 23:13:52

For when you want stuffing Disgrace? grin

HoneyDragon Thu 16-Jan-14 00:31:18

Splash, the advert isn't exciting. It's just the insistence on saying intimate area, repeatedly.

Because every time someone says Vulva a fairy dies?

AgaPanthers Thu 16-Jan-14 03:07:35

Fresh Balls

www.freshballs.com/us/

A real thing.

CheerfulYank Thu 16-Jan-14 05:17:39

Actual LOL sydlexic. grin

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