My ex refuses to wash the DC school uniform

(60 Posts)
Gossipmonster Sun 12-Jan-14 21:39:11

I know I am not BU I need to vent.

Initially friendly separation turned into highly acrimonious divorce once ex had met new "lady".

He point blank refuses to wash the kids uniforms when he has them (6 items of clothing) he's sent it back unwashed saying they have already done their white wash/washing/it's too many clothes/washing machine broken. Although they wash her DDS uniform hmm and send mine (16 and 14 now) back with filthy clothes (he also tells them they have to shower here before they get into his car because they "smell" they still choose to go hmm).

Over the years I have not bothered to push it, but this weekend I was away for the entire weekend and unable to wash their uniforms. DS1 etched his dad Thurs and asked if they could please use their washing machine this weekend to wash their own uniforms. No was the reply we have had this argument before.

Really?

Kids had to wash them here quickly and hang them out before he picked them up and he had a go at then for keeping him waiting.

When do they realise what a prick he is and not go?

WitchWay Sun 12-Jan-14 21:41:19

Soon I expect

Soon, probably! Do you think he is trying to put them off seeing him? I can't think why any loving parent wouldn't do something so simple as a bit of washing.

AuntieStella Sun 12-Jan-14 21:43:07

They probably already have.

But they might not talk about it.

Quoteunquote Sun 12-Jan-14 21:43:18

If the are 16 and 14 they should be washing their own clothes,

So when they are staying with either parent, they can just ask if it is convenient to put a wash on, and if anyone has anything they would like to add to it.

What's he going to say? No son/daughter you can't wash, if he does try that , more fool him.

Gossipmonster Sun 12-Jan-14 21:44:34

He is in what I think is quite an emotionally abusive relationship.

She has tried to exert control over me but realised she can't so he now refuses to communicate with me at all.

kinkyfuckery Sun 12-Jan-14 21:45:38

Erm, Quote, they did ask, and he did say no?

Have they only got one set of uniform?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Sun 12-Jan-14 21:46:35

YABU to expect parents to launder clothes for 14 year olds. Teenagers do their own laundry don't they?

Gossipmonster Sun 12-Jan-14 21:48:25

Yes he said no.

Yes they changed the school system this year do changed the uniform DC 3 went up to secondary too so spent over £400 on uniform so was unable to buy spare jumpers (that's the main thing that needs washing really as have spare everything else but they can't go in the dryer.

Gossipmonster Sun 12-Jan-14 21:49:04

They aren't allowed to use the washing machine at his house.

BillyBanter Sun 12-Jan-14 21:49:08

Can people not read the thread? It's not like it's even long.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Sun 12-Jan-14 21:49:26

Sorry I just saw that they asked to use the washing machine and he said no. he's a prick

IAmNotAMindReader Sun 12-Jan-14 21:51:18

In the OP it is stated that the children washed their own clothes at their mothers and have in the past asked to use their fathers washing machine and have been refused so I don't know why people are getting on their high horses about that point.

It seems to be an attempt at control yet again so don't even respond to it just tell them to sling their stuff on to wash before they go and wash their other clothes as soon as they get back. I'm sure he'll move on to something else soon enough.

5HundredUsernamesLater Sun 12-Jan-14 21:52:15

Do 14 yr olds seriously do their own laundry?

BillyBanter Sun 12-Jan-14 21:52:33

Someone had the exact same problem a few months ago, or was that you?

Thing is he's not going to change so you need to find a work around. Would it be the end of the world to do it on a weekday evening or can you not get things dry quickly enough?

does nobody read the thread? They asked to use the washing machine and he said No. I dont know why they would bother to go either.

Gossipmonster Sun 12-Jan-14 21:55:01

Thing is the jumpers don't dry overnight and they are wool.

The are 20 odd quid and DS1 is in yr 11 so don't really want to be forking out.

It's sooooo petty it does my head in.

Gossipmonster Sun 12-Jan-14 21:55:54

I am thinking about giving them cash to go to the launderette down the road from his hmm.

Finola1step Sun 12-Jan-14 21:56:25

Blimey. Poor kids. Being stuck in the middle of nonsense over washing school uniforms.

I think it won't be long before they get very fed up with this sort of rubbish.

They have to shower before going to his house because he thinks they smell? That is even more peculiar than the whole washing machine thing IMO.

Finola1step Sun 12-Jan-14 21:58:12

X post. By the time you are paying out for the laundarette, you might as well get each an extra jumper.

Gossipmonster Sun 12-Jan-14 21:58:30

I know hmm

Finola1step Sun 12-Jan-14 21:59:35

Agree about the shower insistence. Is that actually so that the children use less water at the exh's? The swine.

Gossipmonster Sun 12-Jan-14 22:00:47

I think so - I reckon he's got a water meter - he was always a tight c**t hmm

pigletmania Sun 12-Jan-14 22:02:46

What a jerk, I hope they realise soon! Who Denys their child washing facilities, and using the shower.

serin Sun 12-Jan-14 22:05:07

Can't he buy them an extra jumper? (the GIT)

I can see why he is your ex.

wannabestressfree Sun 12-Jan-14 22:06:42

I can't believe
A. People don't read threads
B. People get on their high horse about teenagers doing their own washing. I do the washing in my house because I like things separated and uniform the same size as when it went in the machine. News flash too - I also cook their meals......
Your ex is a knob jockey of the highest order and your children will think that.....

Gossipmonster Sun 12-Jan-14 22:07:18

Oh nooooo

He pays maintenance but no way will he pay a penny more.

For Xmas he bought a cooking course for DD that she has asked for. She came home with a massive list of stuff she needed for it hmm

DrNick Sun 12-Jan-14 22:07:37

all mumsnetters think kids over 12 have cars and go to work, I think

Gossipmonster Sun 12-Jan-14 22:08:59

They do their washing here sometimes but yes tbh I prefer to do it myself - but they can and do use the machine in these circumstances.

Mellowandfruitful Sun 12-Jan-14 22:09:06

Agreed, they will be thinking the truth about him all right. If he's trying to save water hmm in their shoes I'd be leaving the tap slightly running every time I went to the bathroom. If they make a hot drink, tell them to fill the kettle right to the top every time...

IneedAwittierNickname Sun 12-Jan-14 22:09:16

14 year olds do their own washing? really? Surely that means the machine is never full?
I do everyone's washing here, including ex when he lived here because it meant the machine was always full making it more economical surely?

OP yanbu, your ex is a twunt!

MuttonCadet Sun 12-Jan-14 22:12:50

We get the exact opposite, I have to turn around 2 uniforms overnight, and the kids don't shower at their mums because "it's too expensive".

However we don't want them to go to school smelling, so we do it.

Gossipmonster Sun 12-Jan-14 22:17:47

I wish they didn't go.

She "lectures" them about everything and knows fuck all about anything and they hate her.

She bitches about me to the kids calls the police, social care, tax at every given opportunity with no valid reason (makes unfounded allegations against me to everyone - once tried to get me the sack) had me breathalysed in my car with the kids.

I work in a Social Care team obviously and it's all very embarrassing and humiliating.

I wish they would realise and cut him out so that I can sad

BillyBanter Sun 12-Jan-14 22:22:44

Is there no way to take out an injunction out against her for harassment?

Gossipmonster Sun 12-Jan-14 22:26:01

No because then the kids wouldn't be able to go and they want to sad

We have a DC3 who isn't his who I posted about a few weeks ago. He brought him up as his own until he was 9 (2 yrs ago) and allowed him to call him dad but cut him out.

I HATE him angry for doing this to the family we agreed to create.

Inertia Sun 12-Jan-14 22:33:31

He sounds awful- doing it to make life more difficult for you but is actually making things hard for his own children. Nasty piece of work, sounds as though the GF is worse. TBH I would report her for harassment if it's ongoing, and Ex can make separate arrangements to see the children.

BillyBanter Sun 12-Jan-14 22:34:41

Did he cut him out when you split or when he got together with his current gf?

RandomMess Sun 12-Jan-14 22:37:42

FGS what a cunt he is. Hopefully they won't bother for much longer!

I'm speechless. What an arsehole!

I can't imagine they will continue to want to go there forever. They will see him for what he truly is. In fact, I'm sure they already do, but probably hope he will change given time.

How can anyone behave like this towards their own flesh and blood? I just don't get it!

Gossipmonster Sun 12-Jan-14 22:42:19

He cut him out two yrs after he met her (had him once a week at her house).

We our divorce went through I was really ill (undergoing serious treatment) and not able to deal with everything (working full time looking after all 3 DC with no extra input from him) promptly so it took longer than it should.

As "revenge" he then refused to do anything he had agreed to do in the statement of arrangements for the children and stopped everything including seeing DC3.

allnewtaketwo Mon 13-Jan-14 07:08:23

Can I just ask, if you can't dry the jumpers overnight and they on have one each, does that mean they were the same unwashed jumper for 5 days running every week ??

Sparklysilversequins Mon 13-Jan-14 07:14:58

He's a first class twat obviously as is his GF.

I'd find a way to get new jumpers though just to take the steam out of this particular situation.

JupiterGentlefly Mon 13-Jan-14 07:18:38

Your point being allnew?

Cybercat Mon 13-Jan-14 07:25:31

He is an areshole I agree but could you change your uniform washing night to say, a thursday, and get the kids to hang them up over the weekend. Surely you can put one radiator on to dry jumpers. I know its a pain in the arse but dont give him the satisfaction.

allnewtaketwo Mon 13-Jan-14 07:29:51

I wasn't asking you Jupiter, I was asking the OP.

Regardless of the exh problem, it sounds a problem in itself that the teenagers are wearing an unwashed jumper for 5 days running. What if they spill something on it on say a Monday? Dies that mean they go to school jumper less on a Tuesday? Never mind the hygiene aspect. The solution would appear to be to buy a spare jumper.

The uniform sounds expensive if you haven't doubled up on items OP, is it a private school?.

CouthyMow Mon 13-Jan-14 07:49:33

That's not expensive for a Secondary uniform. It's about normal. I pay £7 for a pair of fucking PE socks with delivery.

God he's an arse, Gossip.

Tbh, I'd just buy an extra jumper. It's crap, and you shouldn't have to - but you can pass the Y11's jumper down. Not worth the stress on the DC's tbh.

And your Ex in an abusive relationship WILL eventually realise this - it took my Ex 7 years to leave, and he's now realised what a twat he was to his DS1 in that time too.

JupiterGentlefly Mon 13-Jan-14 08:02:36

See allnew you did make your point!

allnewtaketwo Mon 13-Jan-14 08:03:43

hmm it wasn't exactly rocket science, but since you were clearly confused I spelt it out

JupiterGentlefly Mon 13-Jan-14 08:21:40

Someones having a bad day allnew! Never mind we all have our cross to bear! Hope you have a good day and you snap out of it!

allnewtaketwo Mon 13-Jan-14 08:24:44

How odd, to have a pop at a question from another poster, then carry on your bizarre point when that question is answered, and then pretend its the other person that had a problem all along. Very strange behaviour.. But however you get your kicks and all that

allnewtaketwo Mon 13-Jan-14 08:26:40

And actually, that was your only contribution to the entire thread, to have a pop at me. grin

schokolade Mon 13-Jan-14 08:31:30

No big deal about wearing the jumper for 6-8 hours for 5 days running. When I was at school the jumpers were dry clean only, so people went until half term! Although for the convenience aspect I agree it would probably be worth 20 pounds for a spare.

BruthasTortoise Mon 13-Jan-14 08:36:27

See at ages 14 and 16 I wouldn't stress about things like this. The kids know what's happening - they know they can either go to school in dirty jumpers or see their Dad. Let them get on with it - it's all going to be over in a few short years and their Dad is going to be the ultimate loser.
Tbh the having to have a shower before they get into the car thing would bother me so much more. Presuming that they don't smell them that's actually a really cruel (nearly abusive) thing to do on a person i.e. tell them they smell, when they don't. Talk about making them paranoid.

allnewtaketwo Mon 13-Jan-14 09:10:19

It's very surprising they want to go to his house. Do you think they feel a duty to go OP? Or are they worried they're missing out in something if they don't go?

FrogStarandRoses Mon 13-Jan-14 09:22:15

I imagine the DCs are well aware that their Dad is in an abusive relationship and feel a level of responsibility and loyalty towards him.

When a parent is subject to abuse, their priority is to keep their DCs safe, and to minimise the impact of the abuse on the DCs. I imagine the DCs Dad is only too aware of the damage being done, but he believes that it is the lesser of two evils and the alternative would be far worse for them.

Sparklysilversequins Mon 13-Jan-14 09:26:59

How does that tie in with making then shower before they get into his car because they smell? frogstar

Nousernameforme Mon 13-Jan-14 10:20:47

It is technically against their human rights everyone has the right to water and sanitation for hygiene reasons if he is refusing to let them wash at his house. I would guess it is her that pays the water bill my step mother used to pay for the phone and electric bill and as such we weren't allowed to phone out or give the number out for people to phone us hmm and she used to watch the electric meter like a hawk never allowed cups of tea or to heat food up put heaters on etc. It is just her trying to control you another way.
I second leaving taps running boiling full kettles maybe phoning the speaking clock or 118 from their landlines petty but oh so satisfying

RainbowSpiral Mon 13-Jan-14 11:51:18

I think your ex sounds terrible. There are bound to be loads of issues for your poor kids.

However in terms of the uniform I would just buy extra sets, we have done that here and it saves so much stress just in the normal domestic run of things. You can always pass it on or sell second hand if it is grown out of before its worn out of.

lizzzyyliveson Mon 13-Jan-14 12:05:46

Where are they showering before they get in the car? If they are at home, can't they leave the uniform with you and put on fresh weekend clothes before they get in the car or does he make them walk to the local baths and get showered before he collects them?

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