To begin to loathe my 'friends' smug Facebook comments?

(53 Posts)
AlmondFrangipani Sat 11-Jan-14 22:45:43

I used to love a good browse on FB, seeing what my friends and family are up to etc. But since having my DS I just loathe it now. It feels like every day I log on and see another smug 'my baby slept for 8.5 hours last night, I'm so refreshed what a wonderful start to the weekend' post.

I've lost all perspective I'm sure but I've had a tough 5 months with my LO. Tough birth, strep B, tongue tie, giving up BF, silent reflux...he's never slept more than 5 hours in a row. I just can't be happy for them. It just feels smug and salt in a wound.

newyearhere Sat 11-Jan-14 22:54:48

YANBU. I avoid Facebook for this very reason. It's a constant smug-fest which treats all viewers the same, so no personalisation or sensitivity for other people's situations.

perlona Sat 11-Jan-14 22:57:15

I was horribly sleep deprived because my daughter never slept for more than an hour at a time and acted like she was on speed all day and all night, I consoled myself with the fact that at least she was better looking and more advanced then all the other babies. They may have slept but they were horrible, dopey looking things.

The only advice I have is that they eventually grow out of it and into a routine, one of these days you will get a nights sleep, if you're lucky a full one. Think of all the ways your baby is better than theirs and hide their news feeds. The bastards, yanbu.

HotCrossPun Sat 11-Jan-14 23:04:49

Wow perlona - bitter much?

Lavenderhoney Sat 11-Jan-14 23:05:39

Bin immediately and take up residence on mn.

I think a lot of people are bored with the round robin of fb. It was fun at first, but twitter and Pinterest are so much better for the here and now.

My dm ( now departed) listened in silence to me telling her about posts about perfect lives and said " but they just say that, don't they? I expect their neighbours say different"

My ds never slept much. I bf endlessly. It was fine. Have you support on mn and rl? There's bound to be a thread for you on here somewheresmile

squoosh Sat 11-Jan-14 23:06:12

Go on a facebook hiatus.

Frusso Sat 11-Jan-14 23:06:21

Yanbu. I'd advise just to stay away from fb.

Mrswellyboot Sat 11-Jan-14 23:07:36

I am sick of Facebook. I only go on now and again and hide feeds from smug people. While I am happy they're happy, it's all one sided and life isn't like that.

MmeLindor Sat 11-Jan-14 23:08:22

I think there is sometimes the feeling of needing to put on a face on FB. They don't have perfect lives or perfect babies.

You can unfollow them. Or at least hide their updates for a while if you still want to use FB.

redexpat Sat 11-Jan-14 23:13:30

You know you can go to their page, and unfollow - I'm not sure what it says in english cos mine is in a forrin language. You don't unfriend, but then they don't show up in your newsfeed.

Yes it's annoying. It's also really annoying when people write that they've passed theri exams with flying colours, and you're still waiting to do yours, or have scraped through, or failed. Insensitive bastards!

1944girl Sat 11-Jan-14 23:14:16

Someone in my extended family has just wrote ''I am feeling so blessed''
The replies:
You deserve all the blessings availble, you are a lovely person''etc.etc.
Cringe

TheArticFunky Sat 11-Jan-14 23:14:19

I don't think they are being smug probably more likely to be relieved. My babies both slept well but it wouldn't have occurred to me to post about their sleep patterns on FB mainly because I never really gave it much thought. If they are thinking about it enough to want to post about it it would suggest that a good nights sleep is not the norm for them.

Xoticdreamz Sat 11-Jan-14 23:15:01

It's all relative , everything is just a stage . My second girl was a dream but at two ..tantrum queen !She is lovely at 16 as long as life is going her way.
The first year or two is starting blocks of parenthood . It's a pike of bollocks to make is a smug fest.

Xoticdreamz Sat 11-Jan-14 23:16:38

I am sick of Facebook though , I wish I could leave but my nose gets the better of me .

Impatientwino Sat 11-Jan-14 23:18:52

YANBU sleep deprivation is horrid and people being smug about sleep will only wind you up.

If it makes you feel any better my DS didn't sleep for longer than 2 hours until he was 8 months old and now at 18 months is still up circa twice a night.

Someone wise said to me 'treat sleep like vintage champagne when you have babies- you don't get to have itmuch but when you do just enjoy it!' grin

stopgap Sat 11-Jan-14 23:20:50

YANBU. It wasn't Facebook, but baby groups that got me. I also had a baby with severe silent reflux (dragged on until 12 months) and he did nothing but scream, hiccup and expect to be carried and bounced 24/7. It was a miserable existence, and I couldn't abide going to baby groups and hearing stories of relaxing weekend brunches, leisurely walks in the park etc.

Is your LO being treated for the silent reflux?

Pooka Sat 11-Jan-14 23:21:01

"blessed". Bleughh.

Every other poster on Facebook is blessed as far as I can make out. Or proud.

Is fine to feel fortunate for good luck and proud of ones children. no need though to advertise. Also goes against my glass half empty upbringing of not speaking too soon/tempting fate.

Pooka Sat 11-Jan-14 23:23:11

Oh - and 5 hour stretches before 6 months were rare as hen's teeth with all 3 of my babies.

So lucky I didn't read your op when any one of them was little because I would have been envywink

hedwiggywiggerson Sat 11-Jan-14 23:27:04

I've unfollowed so many people from my newsfeed that there's barely a feed at all. Tis great though.

I am much less niggled about FB than I was and more likely to interact with the interesting people on it rather than getting irritated with it all.

Toecheese Sat 11-Jan-14 23:37:02

I always think boasty posts are more about the posters insecurity and them trying to look better then others.

PansOnFire Sat 11-Jan-14 23:42:43

Nope, YANBU at all for feeling like that. I've spend a long time since my DS was born feeling inferior and crap because of FB which I now realise was not worth it at all.

My RL friend has always posted constantly smug and self congratulating posts. They are often accompanied by vomit inducing photographs. When I had my DS her posts used to really upset me, I was feeling low and fat and frumpy and she'd be posting about new clothes, spa days and relaxing lunches with friends (that I was seemingly left out from because I had a baby). A year ago she had a baby, she confided in me how hard she was finding it and how her partner would prefer to go out than help. She used to cry to me about how she had to force her partner to even look at their baby. Yet the FB posts stayed the same, instagrammed photos of father and son gazing into each other's eyes, mummy and daddy having a lovely time posts and photographs. The real story was very different.

People use FB to confirm what they want and how they want to appear to other people. When you're feeling bad it seems that everyone is having a much more lovely time than you, but please remember that it's not that way at all. It's all about 'facebook moments', it's honesty not real most of the time.

MBT1987 Sat 11-Jan-14 23:50:53

Aren't these people your friends? Christ on a bike, the vitriol coming out here is ridiculous!

These people are trying to be happy with the fact that their little one is getting in to a routine. That's something to be lauded. You may be cranky, and irritable, and lacking sleep, but it sure isn't their fault.

If you don't like what's being said, unfriend them, and then when they ask why you did it, you can reflect back on what a selfish, bitter reason you're about to give, in the comfort and privacy of your own home. I'm sure it'll be worth it.

squoosh Sat 11-Jan-14 23:52:01

Some people's happy posts are just happy posts, they aren't always constructing some Pleasantville persona to conceal a Ken Loach reality.

lookingfoxy Sat 11-Jan-14 23:59:48

The only time I posted on Facebook was early hours with a pic of a very lively smiley and wide awake baby which said something like 'no sleep for foxy tonight'.
No bragging there more like hoping for some magic solution to be posted, but nope.
Op don't feel bad, there are millions more of us in your shoes!!!

Lucylouby Sun 12-Jan-14 00:00:30

People never post the bad stuff on fb. They may say their dc slept for 12 hours last night, but they don't say that their dc doesn't nap at all all day and is incredibly tetchy and grumpy and whines all day because they refuse to have a nap. And they never post when baby wakes them in the night, for no reason other than wanting to play.
They post that Their child is top of the class and gets full marks for every test, but they don't tell you they have been called in to see the head teacher due to various bullying incidents involving their child (with their dc being the bully).
They fb to say their dc is using the toilet and is dry all day and night at two, but fail to say how many wet pairs of pants and wet beds they have for the next three months.
Do you want me to go on? What people tell me in real life differs completely to what they out on fb. All the above are real things I have been told and read. None of the fb status' are actually an accurate representation of the persons life, just what they want you to think about them. Don't give them any more thought.

Lucylouby Sun 12-Jan-14 00:00:58

People never post the bad stuff on fb. They may say their dc slept for 12 hours last night, but they don't say that their dc doesn't nap at all all day and is incredibly tetchy and grumpy and whines all day because they refuse to have a nap. And they never post when baby wakes them in the night, for no reason other than wanting to play.
They post that Their child is top of the class and gets full marks for every test, but they don't tell you they have been called in to see the head teacher due to various bullying incidents involving their child (with their dc being the bully).
They fb to say their dc is using the toilet and is dry all day and night at two, but fail to say how many wet pairs of pants and wet beds they have for the next three months.
Do you want me to go on? What people tell me in real life differs completely to what they out on fb. All the above are real things I have been told and read. None of the fb status' are actually an accurate representation of the persons life, just what they want you to think about them. Don't give them any more thought.

wobblyweebles Sun 12-Jan-14 00:08:13

I think I live in a totally different world to everyone else. I never see smug posts like these.

newyearhere Sun 12-Jan-14 00:11:02

> None of the fb status' are actually an accurate representation of the persons life, just what they want you to think about them.

It could also be that if you're talking to a wide range of people, it might not seem particularly polite to throw negative stuff out there. Another reason to talk to people individually rather than in bulk!

MerylStrop Sun 12-Jan-14 00:11:14

Its a recognised Thing now

Social Media Image Crafting - a bit like lying on your embellishing your cv

I think it depends on whether one's friends are smug and insensitive, to a degree. But also there is probably a lot of believe it and it shall be so going around. Do not hesitate to hide offenders posts/sign off altogether

SomethingkindaOod Sun 12-Jan-14 00:20:37

Follow STFU Parents on FB. Feel instantly better grin
I hide at least one really lovely friend who at the moment is into BLW in a big way as well as exclusive breast feeding. Absolutely nothing wrong with either but at the moment it is non stop hourly self congratulatory posts complete with picture evidence. So I've hidden her for a while.

Lucylouby Sun 12-Jan-14 00:24:03

newyearhere. Sorry, I worded that badly. I meant that none of the examples I gave were an accurate representation of the persons life. They come across as having a perfect life, but actually when you speak to them on a one to one conversation, it's not so rosy after all.
I didn't know it had a name though, social media image crafting. It should have a name, it's very common.

MillyRules Sun 12-Jan-14 00:45:27

I call it "Fakebook" and I stopped using it over a year ago now. Best thing I ever did. Takes a couple of weeks to let go but eventually you realise that non of its real.

Electryone Sun 12-Jan-14 00:53:46

Speak for yourself Milly, the people on my facebook and what they say are very much real, it must just have been the people you know.

MillyRules Sun 12-Jan-14 00:58:34

Was talking to the OP who felt inadequate by the smug posts by her friends on facebook but very glad for you Electryone that you love facebook. Good for you.

tiredoldmum Sun 12-Jan-14 01:08:42

Most of the people on my facebook constantly moan about how bad their lives are, how broke they are, how much they hate their jobs. That gets annoying so I put them on ignore for awhile.

I think most people are just sharing their lives when they post on fb and post photos. If someone gets a new house or car they are posting photos up. I am not annoyed or unhappy for them.

So all of you who are annoyed never post up happy photos or posts about anything you have or what you do ever? What kind of posts do you make?

I think the funniest ones are those who complain about other people photos and posts and then a month later they have up photos of their new tv or whatever.

Or maybe they're rejoicing in the fact that they've finally had a full nights sleep and it's the best thing that's happened in ages.
Get off facebook or de friend them if you can't be happy for them.

You're sleep deprived at the moment. If your dc suddenly slept through wouldn't you want to sing it from the rooftops.

I don't get the people who whinge about facebook. The people you add on there are called friends for a reason. If you can't be happy for them when it calls for it then perhaps you need to rethink whether they really are your friend.

mindgone Sun 12-Jan-14 01:17:33

Wait until the kids go to school! SO many more congratulatory messages, to their children, who live in the same house, and they could just TALK to them! And awards for just about everything, that the whole world needs to know about! I just don't get it. I tell my children when I'm proud, in person. And I don't feel the need to tell everyone else what I'm feeling all the time, where i am, what I'm eating etc. I think it all boils down to insecurity and neediness. Pity them, you might feel better! grin

traininthedistance Sun 12-Jan-14 01:27:29

YANBU OP, recently an old school friend of mine posted an update about how wonderful and blessed she felt after an amazing, quick natural birth (with a photo of her holding the baby in hospital, quite honestly looking like she was having a day out at the beach). I could have cried, thinking about my agonising, mismanaged, traumatic induced labour which ended in a violent emergency forceps delivery after which I went into shock and couldn't look at DD properly for hours (who was thankfully fine though I thought during the last bit that she might not be) - the hospital even arranged for PTSD counselling at the request of the attending consultant. I think I'm OK about it most of the time, but for some reason it's the Facebook wonderful birth posts that get me every time sad

Kafri Sun 12-Jan-14 01:33:32

A fb friend of mine recently posted a pic of her dd's 'cooking'. She's 11 and had made a fruit salad in school. Friend was 'so proud of dd, well done'. I just thought that there's summat wrong if an 11 year old can't chop up a few bits of fruit!!

Anyway, DS had reflux and was a bloody awful sleeper. He's just now started having nights where he sleeps through (DH is actually feeding him now). I have friends posting on fb about babies at just weeks old who are 'doing so well settling after feeds' etc. I just think of all the phases they have to come. Everything with a baby is a phase - the good and the bad. Phases end and new ones start. Every parent out there will have their struggles with something so take what you read with a pinch of salt.

Tryharder Sun 12-Jan-14 01:43:44

I get that people boast on Facebook or big their lives up and I also get that this is mildly annoying if your own life isn't going as well.

But I am somewhat astonished by those of you who console themselves by thinking their friends' lives are actually shit or block statuses because you are so envious.

Does it matter if a baby does or doesn't sleep well? And if people want to post pictures of food they've cooked etc, does it really hurt? I have a friend who married a wealthy man, has a fab life in a hot country and posts somewhat smugly about how great it all is. I'm just happy for her as I know what crap she put up with with her first husband.

Bitterness and jealousy are horrible traits. We should be happy for our friends rather than trying to belittle them or prove our own lives are better.

lade Sun 12-Jan-14 03:16:07

I know what you mean, tryharder. I only have genuine friends / people I like on my Facebook, so when I see posts that X's child has started sleeping through the night, or has won that award at school etc, I am genuinely pleased for them.

I do have friends / family from across the country who I don't always see, so I like to see posts about their children, and how they are getting on.

However, maybe it is down to the friends as well. Most of mine are quite honest, they put up the proud stuff, but also the "oh my God, my child is doing my head in, will they ever shut up" posts. I have to say, I like those; they make me feel better when DD has been a madam.

As for me, I put up posts I think people will find interesting. If my children achieve something, then yes I might put a post (although I would never congratulate them, they haven't got Facebook, so that would be naff), but I am equally happy to vent if they've done something to annoy me (usually it's the second day of the holidays and I'm asking when I can take them back to school as they've just spent the past two days fighting smile) , but mostly I put up posts I think people will find funny. If my kids say / do anything funny or anything else, I put those up. Most of my friends are the same. Share the highs, the lows and laugh at the good stuff!

AlmondFrangipani Sun 12-Jan-14 08:51:05

Thanks for all the messages! I know sleep deprivation is playing a massive part in how I feel about these posts. Normally I would be happy for them but my rational brain has left the building!

I think I'm going to hide their posts for awhile...

ShirtySocks Sun 12-Jan-14 08:58:06

I had a friend of a friend who was on my facebook feed. I got so fed up of her smugfest, how wonderful her children/family/parenting was I just quietly deleted her. My facebook is a happier place.

Oh and I have a friend who is going through a really rough time at the moment. She only posts occasionally and her posts always show happy smiling faces (slightly different as no smugness at all) but she doesn't mention how hard things are. She only posts snapshots of when they are having fun. I bet, similarly, the friends whose babies slept through the night have failed to mention the daytime of barely napping grizzly babies!

Summerblaze Sun 12-Jan-14 09:28:37

I am on Facebook as I had a friend who went overseas and have family in other parts of England who I don't see often. This is the reason I am still on it. The only things I post are pics of the kids so that my long distance friends can see them. I never post a status. Not sure why anyone would want to know about my life tbh.

My DF used to post all the time about stuff like "hubby has just cooked dinner and run me a bath, thanks hunny" complete with pics of the meal and the bath with candles round. She used to moan to me all the time about how lazy he was and didn't help with the dc, however, none of this was posted on Facebook. She left him a year ago due to him being EA and had a alcohol addiction. People only put the good stuff on.

I really want to come off it but would miss out on hearing from people who live away but if I defriend all but them, I would upset a lot of people.

Electryone Sun 12-Jan-14 14:02:34

Milly I enjoy FB like I enjoy lots of other things - where did I say I love it. Saying you were talking to the OP - you do realise other people can see and comment on your posts hmm, including your claim that "none" of FB is real...as I said FB is only as good as the people you have on it, of which - guess what - you have a choice! grin

Bootycall Sun 12-Jan-14 14:10:47

Sleep deprivation is a recognised form of torture so that's why it's winding you up op.

Personally I love Facebook, it helps me keep
Up with family and friends and I can see what my grown up kids and my teens are up to.

Some posts are smug I suppose but hey we all like blowing our own trumpets don't we?

Not to be taken seriously

Damnautocorrect Sun 12-Jan-14 14:12:04

I have regular Facebook breaks for this reason, it's not healthy. People only share what snap shots they want you to see. They don't share the crap. Take it with a pinch of salt

Hissy Sun 12-Jan-14 14:21:13

Yanbu.

But just wait till their little angels start school.

smile

johnworf Sun 12-Jan-14 14:28:59

I'm with the people who simply 'defriend' and move on. If someone is making you feel inadequate or fed up then get rid. I had a similar thing on Twitter and had to have a cull. I'm sure half of what they say is made up though.

FWIW I've never had a baby that slept through the night and I've had 4 of the pesky blighters. It is a phase though and they do eventually go through the night. smile

Bootycall Sun 12-Jan-14 15:45:58

None of my pesky 4 slept through either. grin

SoupDragon Sun 12-Jan-14 15:49:23

I've never understood why people have "friends" on Facebook - I only have friends.
I've never understood why people complain about statuses they don't like rather than simply hiding them.
I've definitely never understood why people aren't allowed to post happy stuff for fear of being labelled smug or insensitive.

FortyDoorsToNowhere Sun 12-Jan-14 15:55:27

I only ever post happy statues. The ones I am proud of my DC people here may think it dull but that is my life. My DC are my world and I am very proud of them. If my friends can't stand seeing me happy that's not my problem.

I don't want to air my problems for all to see.

FirstStopCafe Sun 12-Jan-14 16:51:16

Sorry I think YABU. I understand though. My 10 month old ds hasn't slept for more than 4 hours in a row ever so baby sleep related statuses can be a little annoying at times, but I don't view them as boasting really. Just sharing and as it's their fb they can share what they like.

I think hiding posts is the way to go

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