...about bathing my new baby?

(199 Posts)
scantilymad Sat 11-Jan-14 21:18:07

I'm a long term lurker but this is my first post.
I am married with one four month old baby. Our baby has silent reflux, a tongue and lip tie that made breastfeeding difficult and I was diagnosed with PND eight weeks after the birth (a score of 19 which according to the HV is pretty high). Anyway, after battling through that little lot, we finally felt like we are getting in to some sort of structure and settling as a family.
My cousin came to visit last night and we shared a bottle of wine and were chatting generally about babies. I mentioned that I sometimes get in the bath with my baby boy in the evening on the days when I remember I haven't had time to bathe or shower for a couple of days and am feeling generally a bit grim. DH never gets home before 8pm so bath, bottle bed are down to me on weekdays.
My cousin looked genuinely shocked when I told her this and asked if I wore a bathing suit when I got in the bath? When I said no, as the point of a bath is to, you know, get clean, she implied it was very weird for me and my son to be naked in the bath together. She also thinks I'm putting him in danger in case I slip and drop him when I'm getting out or that he will drown because the adult bath is too deep. I don't wash my hair or shave or anything in his bath, just sit in it with him.
Sorry this is so long but I genuinely don't know now if I'm doing something inappropriate or dangerous? Am I? Being diagnosed with PND was a massive knock to my confidence and really makes me doubt my instincts/decisions.
Thank you

goodasitgets Sat 11-Jan-14 21:19:50

Not inappropriate at all, you're being a lovely mum to your baby smile

EMS23 Sat 11-Jan-14 21:20:18

It is neither inappropriate or dangerous. Your cousin however, is bonkers.
Keep doing what you're doing, it sounds like lovely bonding time.

SweepTheHalls Sat 11-Jan-14 21:20:28

She is the weird one not you. You carried him inside your body for 9 months, so why on earth shouldn't you bath with him? It is a lovely thing to do.

MamaDuckling Sat 11-Jan-14 21:20:51

I really doubt it! My little man is 7 weeks today and I'm looking forward to our first bath together when he's a little bigger!

I have a photo of me, my two brothers and mum all I the tub together from when we were toddlers, it's lovely and caused us no harm!

Annunziata Sat 11-Jan-14 21:21:30

Of course it isn't inappropriate! It's one of the loveliest things you can do with a newborn.

Cheerymum Sat 11-Jan-14 21:21:38

This is absolutely normal, well done you for doing it despite the PND etc - IME children love it. I love bathing with my kids. Your cousin sounds prudish to me. I know different families have different approaches to nudity, but don't let your cousin knock your confidence. Enjoy, baths are awesome !!

jendot Sat 11-Jan-14 21:21:40

Ignore ignore ignore
Totally normal to get in the bath naked with your baby....
What a bizarre thing for someone to imply is wierd!

Runswithsquirrels Sat 11-Jan-14 21:21:45

I do the same as you.

phantomnamechanger Sat 11-Jan-14 21:22:10

perfectly OK behaviour, she is the odd one!

Shellywelly1973 Sat 11-Jan-14 21:22:18


I think your cousin is strange. Having a bath with your child is a lovely normal thing to do.

oh my god, who thinks like that? inappropriate? it's not, by the way nor is it dangerous. babies love skin to skin contact anyway so make the most of it!

Lariflete Sat 11-Jan-14 21:22:41

Not weird at all. It is recommended that you have skin to skin with your baby for a start and bathing with your baby is a lovely way to get that time!

wigglesrock Sat 11-Jan-14 21:22:48

I have done this with every one of my kids at some time or another. Sometimes it was the only thing that seemed to settle them & then we got into jammies & went to bed. They were lovely times smile

Astarael Sat 11-Jan-14 21:22:50

Not weird at all. I can only do it when DH is home as I've got nowhere to safely put dd in the bathroom but she enjoys splashing around with me so much - it's lovely.

Coldlightofday Sat 11-Jan-14 21:23:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rachyconks Sat 11-Jan-14 21:23:05

Me and DH always shower or bathe with DD (13 months), just as we both did with our parents when we were young. There is absolutely nothing weird or inappropriate about it. I love it - it's so much fun! Splashing & playing!

Yes, getting in and out could be and issue, but bath mats and towels on the floor should help. I'm 29 weeks pregnant and still managing with DD.

I bathe with my two every day. I wash once they are out. its my only way of washing. I love it. they love it. your cousin is bonkers

fishybits Sat 11-Jan-14 21:23:25

DH and I bath with DD, we are naked and have done so since she was born. She's now 2 and her favourite thing is a bath with Daddy.

Your cousin sounds like she's got issues.

DiaryOfAWimpyMum Sat 11-Jan-14 21:23:36

I used to do this up until my DS turned 7/8 yrs old.

Mrsantithetic Sat 11-Jan-14 21:23:46

The only thing about bathing with a baby is when they do a code brown.

My 16 mo dd tries her best to knock out a poo if we are in together.

Other than that no issues at all.

Your cousin sounds a little bit bonkers. I adored bathing with dd in the early days. Watching the bemusement on her face. As a ebf bsby dp really used to enjoy that time with her also. He was naked. She was naked. Really no issue at all.

Enjoy. In a year lo will probably swill you whilst bashing you over the head with a bath toy grin

Nectarines Sat 11-Jan-14 21:24:06

Oh I love having a bath with the baby. Lovely thing to do together. She is the one with the issue not you!

Enjoy it!

DaisySteinersChickenStew Sat 11-Jan-14 21:24:08

DH and I take it in turns to share a bath with DS and have done since he was a few weeks old. It's lovely. Carry on doing what feels right to you.

GoldenGytha Sat 11-Jan-14 21:24:21

Not weird at all,

I used to love bathing with my DDs when they were babies.

ChristineDaae Sat 11-Jan-14 21:25:10

Your cousin is odd!
My DD is 3 and I'm very lucky to get a bath or shower without her stripping off and jumping in!

code brown grin

bella411 Sat 11-Jan-14 21:25:21

I think your cousin is being odd! Sayin you shouldn't have a bath with your baby.

Would she think it weird if you got dressed or undressed in front of baby, my baby often sits on my bed whilst I get dressed in the morning (she is watched and my wardrobe is quite next to the bed so I'm never out of arms distance from her).

Think the slipping remarks are ott as well, many people bathe with their dcs!

gamerchick Sat 11-Jan-14 21:25:24

I don't think I've ever met a mother who hasn't had a bath with their baby...I often plonked them on with their dad as well for 10 minutes peace grin

sillymillyb Sat 11-Jan-14 21:26:11

Bath times together are lovely - keep doing what your doing! My ds is nearly 2 now and we still do it sometimes. Only downside now is that he says "lovely big tummy" then tries to use me as a slide.... It's not quite as relaxing as it used to be!

BagOfBags Sat 11-Jan-14 21:26:23

Just agreeing with everyone else. DS bathed with me till he was about 6 months as he wouldn't go in on his own, he still occasionally comes in the shower with me aged 2.5.

ChristineDaae Sat 11-Jan-14 21:26:30

Oh and in case it's because you have a DS, my DD will still jump in her dads bath too... And an empty cold one if you let her, she does love her baths!

rachyconks Sat 11-Jan-14 21:26:37

I live in total fear of a code brown in a shared bath!

milkingmachine1 Sat 11-Jan-14 21:27:01

I gave birth to my daughter in a birthing pool and have had loads of baths with her since. This is perfectly natural and not at all dangerous. Your cousin is odd to think it is. Does she have any children? She sounds misguided.

MoreSkyThanWeNeed Sat 11-Jan-14 21:27:09

What a weird thing for her to say.
I imagine most people bathe with their babies - I do all the time. Quite frankly, it's easier for me than leaning over the bath.
Yes I worry about slipping, but I'm careful and when I think about it, I've never slipped in the bath, baby or not.
Ignore her. She was judgey and if she knows you have PND, then she was thoughtless.
At risk of sounding like that baby milk advert, you're doing great.

I haven't had sons, but most of my friends who have, bath with them naked.

They do come out of the bit of you that is different and feed off the other two bits (possibly).

My DH wore swim shorts to bath with our DD's, but that us because toddlers are curious and want to touch anything new (which his pen us would be).

Women are encouraged and should do skin to skin, dads to, but yswim.

Women can BF, so being naked around their sons is different to how's Dad may feel.

Your cousin is wrong, go in your own instincts.

Did this ALL the time! Still do now, sometimes, hop in the bath or shower with the DDs and they are 10 and 7! Fortunately we have a massive bathtub.

Your cousin is both bonkers and unkind - she must know you are struggling, and to make disparaging comments about your parenting skills is extremely unthinking at best and plain mean at worst.

Dambusters Sat 11-Jan-14 21:27:36

My favourite memories for the early days are sharing a bath with my baby. Amazing bonding time for you both.

I think your cousin is a little strange for being shocked.

MadameJosephine Sat 11-Jan-14 21:27:42

How sad that somebody could think that lovely skin to skin contact with your baby could be somehow Iinappropriate. Its one of the joys of being a parent, enjoy it while it lasts smile

Wilberforce2 Sat 11-Jan-14 21:27:43

Not weird at all in fact I think she is the weird one! My little boy had colic as a baby and sitting in a warm bath with me really calmed him down, he is 5 now and I still can't shower in peace because he regularly strips off and jumps in with me (nothing wrong with that either)!

HazleNutt Sat 11-Jan-14 21:27:52

Your cousin is odd. You didn't wear a bathing suit when you were giving birth to your baby, of course there's no need to wear one when having a bath.

RunRunRuby Sat 11-Jan-14 21:28:02

Aw that sounds lovely. Babies love skin to skin contact, it's really good for them. It'd be weirder if you were wearing a swimsuit!

WeAreSix Sat 11-Jan-14 21:29:27

Not weird at all.

Ooh how I wish I could do that now! Nothing like a bath and milky cuddles in warm jarmies <swans off into a hazy cloud of luffly memories>

jen2014 Sat 11-Jan-14 21:29:47

Completely normal! My DS is 2 and I've bathed (and showered) with him on many occasions since he was a newborn. When he was tiny DH would pass him to me in the bath, or vice versa. Now we just clamber in together and he loves it as he knows he gets more playtime when one of us (or his older sister) is in with him.
They promote skin to skin contact at birth for a reason!!!

pist Sat 11-Jan-14 21:29:55

Nothing wrong with that, quite the contrary. Skin to skin contact is considered so important with your baby. Forget the prude and keep up the good work!

Not weird at all. Really good bonding for both of you. One of my favourite things to do with my son.

sonlypuppyfat Sat 11-Jan-14 21:30:17

Is there something wrong with your cousin not a normal way to think.

I jumped in the bath with my 22mo Ds tonight, he looked so scrummy and warm I couldn't resist! Your cousin is bonkers!

Dolallytats Sat 11-Jan-14 21:32:01

Sharing a bath with your baby is lovely, your cousin sounds a bit odd.

MikeLitoris Sat 11-Jan-14 21:32:18

Yep, dp and I have ways bathed with dd. She is 3 now and dp has stopped recently as she wouldn't stop talking about his 'tail' and kept grabbing it grin

It is perfectly normal and a great way to bond with your son.

MrsMook Sat 11-Jan-14 21:33:28

YANBU. Im guessing she hasn't heard about how babies are actually born?

skin to skin is great for bonding. I see no issue with nudity until a child decides its an issue and seeks privacy. I recently had my bath hijacked by my 3yr old DS who wanted to join me. While he's comfortable, that's fine. We use communal changing areas for swimming, so it's a normal part of life to us.

scantilymad Sat 11-Jan-14 21:33:39

Wow what lovely replies! Just nipped to make a cup of tea and reading those really cheered me up (and made me laugh!). My cousin has one boy and one girl, but didn't bf either (not sure if that's relevant?). Anyway, I am assured it is her that is a bit weird.
Although now I am worried about a code brown incident!!!!

Wallison Sat 11-Jan-14 21:33:47

There is absolutely nothing wrong with bathing with your baby - they love to be able to feel your skin, and your breath, and your heartbeat - I'm sure that these things are actually good for them, psychologically speaking. Ignore your cousin and enjoy your special time with your son.

Your cousin is odd, not you. I love bathing with my kids - 10 months and 4.5 years. Bathtime is great fun. Enjoy your little one smile

Dunwhingin Sat 11-Jan-14 21:36:11

Your cousin is weird! I guess she doesn't have kids?
I look forward to Sunday mornings, I have a bath with my daughter, we always have ever since she was about three weeks old, she is four now.
It is great bonding, a great comfort for both of you
Enjoy, it is one of the great pleasures of parenthood

pointythings Sat 11-Jan-14 21:36:52

Your cousin has 'ishoos'. grin Bathing with a baby = bonding time. It's lovely. I did it all the time.

(though with a fully bf newborn it's 'code mustard' that you have to worry about, and it will need a shower if it happens. grin

KongKickeroo Sat 11-Jan-14 21:37:11

What an odd thing for your cousin to say. Of course it's not inappropriate for a baby and his/her mother to be naked together!

I don't do it myself as he is just too wriggly. But I do strap him in his bouncy chair while I shower in full view - not with a bathing suit on I might add grin

CuriosityCola Sat 11-Jan-14 21:37:11

What a ridiculous suggestion. She is placing a sexualised view that a baby couldn't possibly have. I regularly bath with my 2 year old ds and 6 months old ds. Never even considered it.

My friends dd was watching me bath ds2 (mid day poo explosion) and announced that he is a baby and has a little willy. Her daddy is a big boy so he has a very big willy. Awkwardly funnily, but adorably innocent. smile

Lucylouby Sat 11-Jan-14 21:37:21

I always bathed with dc1. DH was in the military and was away a lot during her first year, so it was just a routine we got into. With dc2, I bathed with both dc most nights. Again, just a habit that started. I didn't bath with dc3 so much as there wasn't much room in the bath by now, but when I could, I did. There is nothing wrong with bathing with your children. Dc1 is 7 and has out grown it, but dc2 and 3 still ask occasionally for us to get in with them.
I'm sure you have thought about the safety aspect and have a routine going for getting out. (Keeping towels handy etc). I can't remember how I managed this but I must have sorted it somehow. Keep bathing with your baby. It's a great bonding time.
It is so true, that they grow up so quickly, treasure those lovely splashy baths. In a few years time you won't be able to get a bath as they will be spending so long in the shower (dc1, I dread to think how much more time she will spend in the shower when she is a teenager, it's long enough now!)

Dunwhingin Sat 11-Jan-14 21:37:40

Hey we all get pooped on lol!
Empty the water out and start again, can you tell I've been there... Several times lol

Mistyshore Sat 11-Jan-14 21:37:55

Your cousin has issues. I bath with my three year old ds as does DP. I bf ds2 (10 weeks) I wonder if your cousin would think I should do it in a separate room to ds1 or under a blanket so he doesn't see a flash of my boob?

You're doing a great job and sound like a lovely caring mum. Enjoy your baby and stuff anyone else's opinion.

CuriosityCola Sat 11-Jan-14 21:38:57

grin@ code mustard.

Op, I used to have a bath chair/net thing from mothercare. Would sit ds in it while I stepped in and stepped out of the bath.

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers Sat 11-Jan-14 21:39:40

As mum to another 4 month old, I can safely tell you that your cousin is an idiot.

appletarts Sat 11-Jan-14 21:39:53

I've had baths with mine from a few days old and will carry on until they kick me out. And I even have a candle on sometimes too, tell that to your cousin! You're following your instincts and your instincts are right, ho lovely for your baby.

Rosencrantz Sat 11-Jan-14 21:40:24

Friend is ridiculous. He was inside you Ffs. That's the most naked a person can see you.

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers Sat 11-Jan-14 21:40:35

And I do the same as you but shower in my casesmile

FredFredGeorge Sat 11-Jan-14 21:40:58

Isn't bathing a baby easiest by climbing in with them? Anyone who does anything else sounds like they're making work to me.

it's actually a lot less hassle than a baby bath. am i missing something with those or are they just completely bloody pointless?

Hoppinggreen Sat 11-Jan-14 21:41:05

I didn't BF and I bathed with both my babies, I would do it now but at 5 and 9 they don't want to !!

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Sat 11-Jan-14 21:41:07

I almost always bathed with my babies the way you describe, DS (age 4)would still bath with me now given half a chance!
It is perfectly fine to do. In fact it was something my HV suggested when DD was born as a way for DH and DD to have some bonding time (and for me to have a nice nap whilst they bonded).

As for the whole wearing a swimsuit thing... I don't understand where she got that idea from hmm . I think she may have ishoos.

Keep up the lovely bonding with your little one.

SpikeHairandFab Sat 11-Jan-14 21:41:33

You are great mum and keep doing what you doing,your cousin is bonkers.
I have 3 kids and I was bathing with them whenever I could.xx

freezation Sat 11-Jan-14 21:41:53

My husband and I take it in turns to bath with our 2 year-old daughter. It's totally natural! We'll stop when she decides.

Stars66 Sat 11-Jan-14 21:42:12

As the majority of these posts say, YANBU!! I have a bath with my 16m dd weekly, I love it and so does she. It's lovely bonding thing and we've done it since she was born (which was in a big bath!) Just use a bath mat so you don't slip and keep towels near by.
Tell your cousin - they are odd for suggesting it is wrong. And well done for being open about your PND, good luck being a mummy! X

fuckwittery Sat 11-Jan-14 21:42:39

I have bathed most nights with all my three since they were born, DD1 is about to turn 7 and I'll probably stop soon, DH has only just stopped bathing with her. Your cousin is mental!

Our bathroom is tiny, it's much easier to get in the bath with a baby than twist round and kick the sink.

Also there is a tall cupboard by the shower end of the bath. It's way easier to shower with a toddler than flood the bathroom reaching round it.

ChoudeBruxelles Sat 11-Jan-14 21:43:14

I still get in the bath with ds who is 7. I'll stop when he's bothered by my nakedness. Sadly that probably won't be long

CuriosityCola Sat 11-Jan-14 21:43:18

I never really understood baby baths either. Another waste of money. Though I grew up in a household where sharing baths was the norm.

SmokeyEyes Sat 11-Jan-14 21:44:09

YNBU at all, it's a lovely experience and quite frankly only chance you may get to get washed if you're by yourself all day! smile my husband was often in after baby's bath time and I found this seat really helpful:https://m.mamasandpapas.com/search.php?q=bath obviously you can't leave baby unattended ever but this gave my freedom to e.g. reach for a towel without worrying I'd drop lo. You may not be interested but it was def one of my best buys (I got mine 2nd hand!) X

livelablove Sat 11-Jan-14 21:46:07

I always bathed with my dd too I think most people do. It was nice.

Mmmbacon Sat 11-Jan-14 21:47:17

Had loads of baths with dd and ds, and have fed them in the tub too,

Your cousin is quite weird tbh, or is there something more in your cousins history that she hasn't told about, that is colouring her view

it would be hard work to NEVER let your kids see you naked at some point! otherwise, would they not grow up believing their own bodies were something to hide? Obviously, they eventually would find it uncomfortable but not while they're still tiny.

junkfoodaddict Sat 11-Jan-14 21:48:55

Totally not being unreasonable!!!

You are perfectly normal to want to bathe with your child. My mum did it with me up to the age of about 5/6 years.

Now with me and my child (DS aged 2) we have NEVER bathed together. I have absolutley no reason why but I have never wanted to; although he has clambered into the shower with me before which I am fine about.

I think it might be because most nights he goes in the bath, I am too knackered from being out of the house from 7am - 6pm with an hour drive in each direction!!

Now I am weird!!! grin

trixymalixy Sat 11-Jan-14 21:51:21

YANBU. Your cousin is the weird one, not you.

JabberJabberJay Sat 11-Jan-14 21:52:45

Agree with everyone else.

Bathing together is lovely and skin-to-skin contact is enormously beneficial to both of you.

Your cousin is nuts.

Enjoy your baby!

Ihatepeas Sat 11-Jan-14 21:53:08

I love bathing with my dd she is 14 months now and have had regular baths and showers with her since birth. It's a great bonding experience when they're little!

She's nuts. Bathing with DS1 is one of the most wonderful baby memories, it's a beautiful experience. I never quite managed it with DS2 because DS1 would torpedo us sad

I still shower with them if they ask, they're 3 and 6 and I can't see an issue with it.

ChrisTheSheep Sat 11-Jan-14 21:56:54

YANBU! I haven't personally bathed with DS, but I remember bathing with both of my parents (I guess I must have been about 7 or so when I stopped doing it), and loving it. Me not bathing with DS has been more of an "I just haven't fancied it" issue rather than thinking it odd or icky.

hettie Sat 11-Jan-14 22:04:22

OK..ayyy.... umme your cousin is very odd. It's lovely thing to do

Spottybra Sat 11-Jan-14 22:07:48

I have even washed my hair with a baby nestled safely on my knees.

Then I used to bath and was my hair with a 1yr old and a baby on my knees.

Its only dangerous if you make it so.

FanFuckingTastic Sat 11-Jan-14 22:11:03

I still jump in the bath with my kids sometimes. They're not babies any more, not by a long shot, and it's not weird. It's a big bath thank goodness, otherwise I'd not bother for all the elbows and knees, but we'll shower together or get in the hot tub together too, so it's certainly not odd in my opinion.

MothershipG Sat 11-Jan-14 22:11:23

The only way I could bath DS without him screaming the place down was with DH or I! When DD came along she joined in as well. smile

Iwannalaylikethisforever Sat 11-Jan-14 22:12:38

Agree with everyone else.
Not weird in the slightest.
What a lovely way to spend time together.
Well done you sound as if you are managing very well.

Oldraver Sat 11-Jan-14 22:13:36

I had an old car seat I used to keep upstairs for popping DS in and used this for when I got out the bath.

Getting in was fine but due to my back struggled to get myself out anyway grin

I get in the bath with my boys - I can squeeze myself and 2 of them in there. Not inappropriate and actually a lovely way of bonding with baby. My babies have been much happier in the bath with me than without. I find it wierd anyone should think otherwise.

mezza123 Sat 11-Jan-14 22:17:51

Your cousin's a looney. I very occ still get in with DS3, although obvs wear a burqa-bather a la Nigella at this impressionable age ;)

TallGiraffe Sat 11-Jan-14 22:18:44

I don't think I've ever seen a more unanimous AIBU grin

Your cousin is bonkers and you are doing a great job in very difficult circumstances. Enjoy your baths.

VikingLady Sat 11-Jan-14 22:22:49

One of my MW said to do this to relax us both in the early days! And the HVs I know mostly are in favour too, along with other skin to skin

Wallison Sat 11-Jan-14 22:23:33

<<I don't think I've ever seen a more unanimous AIBU>>

Me neither. I find it actually quite heartening that we are all in agreement about this, and I definitely think we're all right.

PicklePicklePickle Sat 11-Jan-14 22:23:55

I used to love taking a bath with my kids when they were tiny. I would feel so close to them.....they are now 5 and 6 and frequently try to get in with me. It is much less fun now. I usually end up with a plastic toy stuck between my bum cheeks and the kids giggling because I wobble! Enjoy it, it is a special bonding time for you. Dp used to have baths with the kids when they were little too....its not pervy. no ones is getting anything from it other than getting clean.

readyforno2 Sat 11-Jan-14 22:25:35

My dp was I the bath with both ds' (6 & 1.5) this evening.
Can't say he was overly pleased about it as it was a bit of a squeeze

readyforno2 Sat 11-Jan-14 22:26:07

In the bath blush

mameulah Sat 11-Jan-14 22:26:34

You sound like a great Mummy!

I love getting in the bath with our ds. And we have bathed together from a very early age.

Frusso Sat 11-Jan-14 22:26:55

I bought a baby bath for dc1. Used it once. Killed my back and DC hated it.
Dc2 and dc3 came in the bath with me of DH from the start. Ds is 8months and I even bf in the bath. (He's a bit of a milk fiend)
Bathing with baby is a lovely bonding experience, with lots of healthy skin to skin time.
Dc2 (5) will still jump in with me if I'm in the bath and she notices.
I think your cousin may have ishoos, because there's certainly nothing wrong with it.

kelper Sat 11-Jan-14 22:27:38

I still get in the bath with ds and he's nearly six! He loves washing my hair. He's not very good at it, but who cares?! He's not going to want to do it forever, so I take all the opportunities I can!
His first proper bath was with dh, and he screamed the place down ;)

Wallison Sat 11-Jan-14 22:30:09

Frusso, I also have bf in the bath. I actually found it loads easier because I was all nice and warm and relaxed, and if I leaned back against the end of the bath I seemed to be at the right angle to get a good latch. I'm sure that being in the bath with my son was one of the reasons why I was able to bf at all, actually.

readyforno2 Sat 11-Jan-14 22:32:17

In our first house we only had a shower and I have a lovely picture of me bf a tiny 2week old ds1.
Have to say only dp my sister and I have seen it though

SayMyNameSayIt Sat 11-Jan-14 22:34:44

I still have baths with my 2 DS, they are 5 and almost 7, in fact, I can't get in a bath without them joining me! And I loved being in the bath with them as babies, it was lovely.

My wee one loves helping me shave my legs!! On fact, he'll say, "mummy, your legs are spiky. Shall I help you shave them?"

likeit Sat 11-Jan-14 22:37:19

Bathing with your baby is a very special and wonderful time. Pretty much every day I bathe with my two kiddies (3yrs and 9 months). My littlest often breastfeeds in the bath. What you are doing is completely normal and a fantastic time to bond all together. I've always wanted my children to feel comfortable around me being naked and myself and DP believe bathing together is one of the best ways to do that.

StickEmUpBigStyle Sat 11-Jan-14 22:40:49

I just about have faded memories of bathing with my dad when I was 3 ish!
If your story is bad im very worried (except im not)

crankbadger Sat 11-Jan-14 22:44:49

That reminds me of MIL putting on her swimming costume to bath the dog. Because the dog would clearly be perving over her if she was naked...

GimmeDaBoobehz Sat 11-Jan-14 22:44:56

Normal .

Have done since DD was about 3 months she is 9 months now and splashes away she loves it.

Her Dad does too with trunks on nothing wrong with it at all smile

FreeWee Sat 11-Jan-14 22:46:51

Enjoy the lovely time with your son. As he gets older he'll love playing games in bath with Mummy like our Dd loves playing games with her daddy. Nothing in the least bit weird about children and parents being naked together at bath time. It's people projecting weirdness onto it that makes people uncomfortable. Enjoy!

Beavie Sat 11-Jan-14 22:47:02

No not weird at all, I never bathed mine any other way when they were tiny, right from birth. We'd have a nice long soak together and I'd combine it with a marathon bf so it killed three birds with one stone, getting her clean, me clean and having a good feed. then we'd get out and she'd be up for having a long nap while I got on with stuff. I don't think either of mine bathed solo until at least 6 months. I had the water a bit cooler than I'd like and they had the water a bit hotter than recommended, but they both lived to tell the tale!

If your cousin has an issue because your baby is a boy, frankly she is barking mad. Does she really think your 4 month old is going to be having inappropriate thoughts when seeing you naked?! Very strange attitude.

Frusso Sat 11-Jan-14 22:47:04

Wallison I was advised to when dc1 went on nursing strike. Skin to skin in winter is hard unless you have decent heating which we don't baths with baby are great as you're both warm enough. I find the mix of warm water and a baby with his head on my upper chest very relaxing.

fuckinghatehim Sat 11-Jan-14 22:48:25

Ds2 is 7 years old and still gets in the bath with me angry I like my baths to myself.

BrandNewIggi Sat 11-Jan-14 22:49:43

Four month ago she was inside your body! never mind seeing it. And he probably exited via your fanjo. Call SS at once!
Only reason I don't bathe with mine more is because I like to doze off in the warm water..

BrandNewIggi Sat 11-Jan-14 22:50:02

He, sorry.

Coumarin Sat 11-Jan-14 22:50:39

From the viewpoint of someone without children, I don't think it's odd either. Sounds like a lovely bounding time to me.

Frusso Sat 11-Jan-14 22:51:02

Beavie- the only thoughts I imagine my 8m/o ds thinks on seeing me naked is "feed me already"

Coumarin Sat 11-Jan-14 22:51:31


Obviously not bounding, that would be dangerous. smile

Enb76 Sat 11-Jan-14 22:51:32

I still shower with my daughter, she's 5.

Beavie Sat 11-Jan-14 22:53:22

Exactly frusso! Boobies mean one thing and one thing alone to babies!

Timpani Sat 11-Jan-14 22:54:02

So so so not weird!

What'd she think of me bathing with my almost two year old son who comes over and helps himself to a BF and occasionally accidenally sticks his foot up my bum.

mintberry Sat 11-Jan-14 22:55:44

Oh dear...

If it's now inappropriate for newborns to see their mother naked it will make giving birth very, very difficult.

Your cousin is a bit loopy.

McRoo Sat 11-Jan-14 23:00:10

Definitely YANBU on this one. Gorgeous thing to do.

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle Sat 11-Jan-14 23:00:56

Not weird - I've never done it though, purely because i like really hot baths!

Frusso Sat 11-Jan-14 23:01:58

Does your cousin have children?

CuttedUpGrape Sat 11-Jan-14 23:07:49

oh dear, does that mean i have scarred my DSs (6 months and 2.2 years) for life already? we love sharing a bath and it's georgeous to see the little ones giggle together when i sing "row your boat". however, i do agree you've got to be careful not to slip but surely, that goes without saying? anyway, happy bathing smile

WilsonFrickett Sat 11-Jan-14 23:08:37

Your cousin is completely wrong. Wrt getting in and out, do you have a baby bath? Line it with towels and pop it by the side of the bath, pop baby in baby bath, get in bath yourself, kneel up then scoop baby up, reverse to get out.

Or a DF swore that she could sort of float the baby bath on top of the bath water,pop baby in, get in bath, take baby out and snuggle.

I have only just managed to persuade DS to stop bathing with me. He's 8!

PortofinoRevisited Sat 11-Jan-14 23:12:55

How odd that anyone should feel that way! Welcome to MN OP - there are wise women here who will shortly put paid to such ridiculousness.

NigellasDealer Sat 11-Jan-14 23:16:59

your cousin sounds a bit ....odd ...i thought it was normal to bath with your babies. Although i must say exP would only do it with a pair of pants on, fair enuff i suppose ....

MoominsYonisAreScary Sat 11-Jan-14 23:17:07

Not odd at all, I still sometime have one with ds3 who is nearly 3. Always have and my eldest is nearly 19 and it hasn't done him any harm

TheABC Sat 11-Jan-14 23:33:01

I suspect your cousin would have a fit if she knew about baby showering! We don't own a bath in our house, so myself or DH strips off and jumps in the shower with DS. He loves it! We just use water to clean him (less slippery) and keep a hand under an arm or leg when moving him about.

Enjoy your squishy bathrooms cuddles.

ElleCloughie Sat 11-Jan-14 23:51:51

Your cousin is very strange. It is a perfectly normal thing to do IMO, and a lovely opportunity to bond with your LO - I have often remarked to DH that 3month old DD feels more like "mine" the less she is wearing. If we had a bath I'm sure I would be in with her all the time - and probably be much cleaner than I am most of the time at the minute! I don't think I would fit in the baby bath with her though... hmm

Thants Sat 11-Jan-14 23:53:00

That is totally normal. A nice bath with your son. Or sounds like she's anxious of him getting hurt which although she doesn't need to be is understandable if she's a worrier. But to think it is inappropriate for you to be naked around him is absurd! What's wrong with nudity? It's just the two of you being close. Ignore her.

Ledkr Sat 11-Jan-14 23:56:40

We bath with our chikdren untill they are about five, not all the time but certainly if we want to.
Dd aged 2 gets really excited if we say we are going in with her, she runs around getting my towel and pjs!
Enjoy your baths, your cousin is uptight.

KenAdams Sat 11-Jan-14 23:58:23

YADNBU. DH bathed with DD every single day up until she was about a year old and he took up valuable splashing room. I loved it - it gave me a few minutes peace to get her nappy and night clothes together before taking her out and giving her an epic breastfeed.

scantilymad Sun 12-Jan-14 00:01:27

Thank you very much. I have a sort of warm glowy feeling at at such kind replies! It's hard to explain but I felt some people I told about the PND felt they then needed to assess everything I did as a parent. I think this issue particularly got to me as, to me, bathing with DS was a highlight in an otherwise sometimes pretty rubbish day! As I said, I did question my instincts due to the diagnosis but having read the replies will ignore cousin dearest and proceed!
Thank you for the tip about putting DS in the baby bath when we're getting out. I may grab 15 seconds to make use of some grown up soap once he's out and in the baby bath/towels!
Great welcome to Mumsnet for me. Very much appreciated.

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 12-Jan-14 00:27:07

I totally would wear a swimming costume in the bath

Well I would if it was in the middle of the bloody high street, in my own bathroom hmmmm nope.

Bathing with little ones is lovely and so much easier than faffing about with a baby bath or having to lean for ages over the tub, I keep a bouncy chair in the bathroom just for leaving baby in whilst I do my hair I then unwrap baby remove nappy lift baby in then (as I'm quite wobbly on my legs) I put baby back in chair rewrap whilst I get out. Makes bath time a breeze.

Mogz Sun 12-Jan-14 02:17:11

My little one is just over a month old and both her dad and I get in the bath with her at least once a week each, it's fantastic bonding time as it is relaxing and she gets the calmest look on her little face. It's the highlight of my day and so I totally get why anyon would do it, if it makes you happ then carry right on.

MummyPig24 Sun 12-Jan-14 08:17:23

Yanbu. Dh and I still bath with our children (6 and almost 4) and will continue to do so for a few more years I should imagine. They are our children, there is nothing untoward going on! It is entirely their choice, they can decide when they don't want to.

insancerre Sun 12-Jan-14 08:28:58

dh worked abroad when the dc were small and the highlight of the day sometimes was abubble bath in the afternoon with them.

giraffesCantMakeResolutions Sun 12-Jan-14 08:40:47


Objection Sun 12-Jan-14 08:43:38

weird for you and you baby to be naked together? she realises that you grow him inside you and the squeezed him out of your vagina, right?

ImpOfDarkness Sun 12-Jan-14 09:09:03

I'd love to have a bath with my two-month-old but isn't a baby's bath too tepid to be enjoyable?

BrandNewIggi Sun 12-Jan-14 09:10:32

I think the most worrying thing is that the woman who said this does have her own children - I wonder what her relationship with them is like (not because she doesn't bathe with them, but because she thinks it wrong for a tiny baby to see her naked)

HazleNutt Sun 12-Jan-14 09:48:08

How does one even breastfeed without the baby seeing them half-naked? Blindfold on baby?

SweetPeaPods Sun 12-Jan-14 09:54:38

I love having a bath with ds. I even used to bf him in bath.
Ignore her you are doing a great job. All that skin to skin contact is a wonderful bonding experience

Baths are sacred. I would be bloody furious if I couldn't have one without a child inviting themselves to join me. You lot are weird.

SomethingOnce Sun 12-Jan-14 10:19:38

Being charitable to your cousin, I might worry about the risk of falling asleep in the bath if one were very sleep deprived.

As for inappropriateness, what a load of nonsense. Bathing suit hmm

DD (2.3) has a shower with DH most mornings and often wants to come in the bath with me in the evenings too. It's lovely and your cousin is very weird for suggesting it's anything other than lovely!

VikingVagine Sun 12-Jan-14 10:34:47

I still can't have a bath without 4yo DD barging in and stripping off to hop in for a cuddle! Make the most of it while you can, it's a lovely thing to be able to do and really does help bond.

Oblomov Sun 12-Jan-14 10:41:33

Loved having occasional bath with my newborns.
This stupid friend is the kind if person who says stupid things that do damage because the person takes them to heart. She is the kind that reAlly pees me off!

I often have a bath with my 14 month old DS and remember having baths with my mum when I was much older than him. He has showers with DP too. It's completely normal.

boardingschoolbaby Sun 12-Jan-14 10:52:51

Sounds perfect to me. Both dh and I have got into the bath with Ds from day one. Now he is 7 months old he has his own seat but often one of us will still get in and play with his toys with him. It is completely and utterly natural IMHO. Enjoy your time with him.

Zara1984 Sun 12-Jan-14 10:55:10

OP your cousin is totally weird! A bathing suit in the bath?! WTF!

15 month old DS and I love having baths together! We splash about and have loads of fun. Now he is bigger I can have them really deep so I stay warm too!

OP you are a great mum, ignore your silly cousin

Weeantwee Sun 12-Jan-14 11:00:32

Your cousin is bonkers! There's photos of me as a chubby baby in the bath with my dad. It's natural for parents to bathe with their children, up to a certain age obviously.

Ignore your cousin.

Lazybones12 Sun 12-Jan-14 11:07:30

Your cousin is mad... My boys 5, 2 and 10mths and I shower or bath with all of them as does hubby!

Catsize Sun 12-Jan-14 11:09:56

One of us bathed with our son every day until he was big enough to sit up by himself, so we didn't have to have freezing cold baths any longer! It was a lovely thing to do.
Does she realise your breast has to be pretty naked for him to feed from it?!

volvocowgirl Sun 12-Jan-14 11:13:21

At my antenatal class yesterday the midwife was telling us about how she bathed with her two boys until they were 5 or 6.

It's good for bonding, can be fun (most adults don't take toys in the bath on their own smile) and it saves water!

The only thing to watch out for when they're really little is when they poo! Urgh! Helps if you have a shower as well then! Heheh wink

bedhaven Sun 12-Jan-14 11:20:43

Totally bloody ridiculous! Skin on skin contact is the most natural of reassurances. I loved bathing with my babies and still would if we could all fit! I remember bathing with my Mum and Dad as a child. Nakedness seems to have become so sexualised when in my opinion it shouldn't be. Enjoy your baths!

volvocowgirl Sun 12-Jan-14 11:23:03

Though in your crazy cousins defence - there seems to be a few people more bothered about things being "inappropriate" that definitely shouldn't be.

We've been told we're expecting a girl and DP's best friend warned him about 'looking away' when he's changing her and making sure he 'only touches where he really needs too' and if she's really messy and needs a change give her to me as 'it would be weird to have to touch there a lot'!!!! shock WTF?!!! The friend has children - but they're all DSs and there's no problem touching them apparently hmm

Nojustalurker Sun 12-Jan-14 11:28:33

Not quite the same but my sister and I used to have a bath on a Sunday together until she was 16, I would have been 8. We only stopped because there was nolonger enough room for both us. It was never inappropriate and we used to love it.

ChippingInWadesIn Sun 12-Jan-14 11:48:41

Volvo - I'd be somewhat concerned about that friend and my DD would not be left alone with him. He's either 'off' or far too fucking stupid to be left with my child. Idiot.

scantilymad - was your chosen name deliberate? Your cousin would have quite a lot to say about me grin I went in the bath with my Aunty until I was nearly 9, I only stopped then because she moved overseas. At 11 I would still shower with my Nana given half a chance. Funnily enough I don't remember doing either with my parents, but I think that was more because they are early morning showerers and I was either asleep or busy playing - they were always happy to walk around undressed between the bathroom & bedrooms etc (still are!).

Lucyccfc Sun 12-Jan-14 12:00:42

Sounds like you are doing a great job and having a bath together is a lovely way to bond.

I only stopped doing it with my DS when he was 6 and kept making comments about Mummy's boobies lol.

volvocowgirl Sun 12-Jan-14 12:17:27

Chipping - having spent time with him, I really do think its the 'idiot' option but I did imply the other the next time I saw him and he's not said anything since. I felt a bit bad after though as he really is a 'nice but dim' but I was a bit mad (I'd blame preggo hormones but I think it was justified infuriation). grin
I also couldn't help mentioning about how our 3yr old niece sleeps in our bed when she stays over (as I'm sure he'd have something to say about that) and got a cat bum face in return but no actual words!

scantilymad Sun 12-Jan-14 13:01:09

I think my cousin's concern was less about the nakedness but more about the naked physical contact? Not sure how to explain it really without making it sound clinical or that she has projection issues!
I choose my username as a sort of play on words and because I seem to spend a lot of time rushing about nowadays. I have just realised it could be offensive to other ladies diagnosed with PND but it honestly wasn't and intentional reference. Apologies if anyone is upset by it. PND is just a hormonal imbalance. It can hit anyone out of nowhere and I am very open about it because I refuse to be ashamed of it or affected by the stigma. I know that medically I have a "mental health problem" but for me personally it's just another part of having a baby that will get better soon; a bit like my sore boobs, grazes and second degree tear smile

BurnThisDiscoDown Sun 12-Jan-14 13:01:45

I didn't bathe with DS when he was tiny as I'm really clumsy and was worried I'd slip with him, but once he was able to sit up we have baths together. He's 2 now and loves splashing me! grin

Ham69 Sun 12-Jan-14 13:11:40

Your cousin has serious issues. I can't think of many more natural things than bathing with your baby.

Toecheese Sun 12-Jan-14 13:16:39

Hospitals, midwives etc all promote skin to skin bonding with new babies and its great for older babies too.

I bathed with all mine. Sometimes there was 4 us squished in when they were little!!!

If its just you and your baby there's a great trick. Have warm water by your chest/the baby and lovely hot water by your feet.

Toecheese Sun 12-Jan-14 13:17:26

Your cousin is bonkers by the way.

Athrodiaeth Sun 12-Jan-14 13:25:48

That's hilarious. What would she think of a father in the bath with his daughter?

I do know one couple where the father baths in swimming trunks because he feels uncomfortable when he baths his daughter. I think that's really weird.

risingsunshine Sun 12-Jan-14 13:49:29

I would love to do this but surely the temperature we would have a decent bath at is far too hot for the baby?

TBH it seems a little unhygienic to bathe a baby in the same water you're washing your arse and genitalia in. Although I suppose it's not hugely different to swimming. But then again swimming pools are full of chlorine and you shower afterwards. confused

Just in case anyone reading this feels a little inadequate because they don't feel comfortable sharing a bath with their children; don't worry about it. It's perfectly possible to bond without sharing bath water.

yy rising - surely it's too cold!

brokenhearted55a Sun 12-Jan-14 14:03:20

Wow. I naturally assumed all mothers did this. Thought it went without saying.

Cousin definitely odd.

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 12-Jan-14 14:04:41

Baby's have those things as well

GlitzAndGiggles Sun 12-Jan-14 14:07:30

Ffs me and my 2yo dd bathe together quite a lot. What's inappropriate about it?! We wash, throw water on each other then get out

GlitzAndGiggles Sun 12-Jan-14 14:08:47

It's also impossible for me to have a bath without dd taking her clothes off and trying to climb in. Anyway we have the same bits!

Adult arses and genitalia are sweatier and smellier than babies' ones.

The consensus on MN seems to be that sharing towels or bed linen (so not changing the sheets after another person has used them once) is revolting. People start wailing about poo crumbs (I don't think I have ever seen a poo crumb, but whatever).

Yet sharing a bath with a baby is OK?

fwiw I don't think it's a massive issue, it just surprises me.

Frusso Sun 12-Jan-14 14:10:58

TBH it seems a little unhygienic to bathe a baby in the same water you're washing your arse and genitalia in. what is having a bath for? How dirty do your area and genetalia get?

Frusso Sun 12-Jan-14 14:12:41

Plus babies can get quite sweaty arses when they're enclosed in a nappy all the time

TalkativeJim Sun 12-Jan-14 14:14:22

You sound like a LOVELY mum. And - a very together person in general. You know you have PND and that that might be skewing your thinking a bit, so instead of taking your cousin's words at face value, you very sensibly ask advice. Even though you know she is probably one stacking cup short of a bathtime set... grin

For the record, I've bathed many a time with ours, as has DH, and as for physical contact - well, we've got one still in bed with us and one who still pops in at night. Nudity optional! And my 4.5 year old DD was bf for so long that she still slips her hand into my top so that she can rest her hand on one of the 'milks' for a bit if she's feeling particularly affectionate.

soontobeburns Sun 12-Jan-14 14:17:13

We had a lack of hot water when I was growing up and shared a bath with my mum until I was about 8.

It hasnt effected me in anyway and its some of my favourite memories of growing up.

tinselkitty Sun 12-Jan-14 14:18:38

I shared a bath with me DD almost everyday until about a month ago. My DH did on days I didn't. Mainly as it was our only chance at a nice warm bath we're both bath addicts!

DD is now 15mo and we only stopped because it's getting a bit cramped now she's big.

Never even crossed my mind that it would be inappropriate. Maybe if she was 13 and we were still sharing a bath, but as a baby?? Your cousins a loon!

ditto soontobe - I used to have my mum's bathwater after her (or vice versa). Maybe that's why I'm so against the notion of sharing my bath with anyone now grin

BlameItOnTheBogey Sun 12-Jan-14 14:22:00

YOur cousin is nuts. I have a 5 years old ad a 3 year old and still get in the bath with them both.

LaGuardia Sun 12-Jan-14 15:33:22

I like my bath too hot to share with DCs. We still co-sleep sometimes only because they are too big to fight.

CHJR Sun 12-Jan-14 17:15:11

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Don't let the baby see your naked breasts either, please. Might scar him for life...
Welcome to motherhood, the land where everything you do is criticised by someone or other!

Kafri Sun 12-Jan-14 17:22:24

Oh my goodness - defo not inappropriate in any way whatsoever. Let's be honest, baby has seen parts of you on his way into the world that no other human being will ever see.

DS had silent reflux as a tiny and I used to shower with him daily. He hated the bath for a short time but the shower really helped calm him so we got in a routine of me having a shower with him then DH would take him to dry/dress him and I would crank up the temp and have a proper shower myself.

He's 1 now and I don't even get to pee in peace these days. Please don't stop bathing with him. It's a lovely bonding time and those days are over all too quickly!!x

hahahahaha sweaty arses! how silly.

miffybun73 Sun 12-Jan-14 17:34:12

YANBU, your cousin on the other hand sounds completely bonkers smile

DrSeuss Sun 12-Jan-14 17:36:06

Isn't it one of the indicators of possible abuse to see sexuality where here is none?

I bathed with DS all the time when he was little, and still shower with him when we are on holiday (he is 4 now).

MrsWedgeAntilles Sun 12-Jan-14 17:56:21

I haven't read the whole thread but not only did I do this but we had it recommended to us by our ante natal teacher. I had a lot of the problems you had and bathing together was one of the most relaxing, loveliest thing I had with DS. It was one of the only times I experienced the blissed out feeling new mums are supposed to have and DS was at his most chilled out when we were in the bath.
If you and your wee baby are happy with bathing together, just keep going. Your cousin sounds a bit repressed - does it not seem a bit ludicrous to hide your bits from a baby who you gave birth to and breast fed and so probably has got a good look at the whole lot from close up not too long ago.

juniper9 Sun 12-Jan-14 18:19:30

My DD is 3 months old and I've done this loads of times.

I used to feed her sometimes whilst bathing... until she pooed on me shock We both got out sharpish!

Your cousin is weird. Dh and I bathe with our dc and have since they were new. Dh showers with both of them on a nightly basis.

domoarigato Sun 12-Jan-14 19:35:51

It's really nice your cousin is being so supportive of you in the light of your PND diagnosis....noooot! She sounds jealous to me. My MIL said stuff like this. Really passive aggressive.

DumSpiroSperHoHoHo Sun 12-Jan-14 19:47:54

When I had my DD her birth was on the traumatic side. The midwives arranged for me and DH to have a bath together with 4 day old DD as a bonding thing.

Based on that I really don't think you've anything to worry about!

DD still occasionally squeezes into the bath with me now and she's 9yo!

ZebraZeebra Sun 12-Jan-14 20:40:59

Love baths with my 14 month old. We've had baths together since he was about 3 weeks old. DH bathes with him regularly. It's lovely skin to skin, bonding time. But then, there's 8 pages all saying the same thing so I hope you are nicely reassured that bathing with your baby is completely normal, and in fact - encouraged smile

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