Feeling upset about how the bar man spoke to us.

(113 Posts)
crazygal Sun 05-Jan-14 21:40:22

Hi...
We decided to go out yesterday after having all Xmas in,our local pub/restaurant is just two mins walk over the road,
We booked a table and had a lovely meal,myself,dh and ds (9) also hfa...

After our meal,we took ourselves to the sofa were our friends were sitting,there boys were playing on there iPods,so our ds joined in,
The boys were good as gold,
But one of the boys started complaining that he lost his games,his mum took his iPod off him and told him to calm down,so her ds ran down the restaurant and outside,leaving the door open,
She sat there....
My ds got up and said,"I'll get him" I said no,leave it,but he didn't listen,and he ran out to him,I followed straight away and ordered him back in,
He ran back to the seat!
I spoke to my friends boy and calmed him and got him back in,he also ran,he's 8.
The little boys asked his mum for the iPod,she said no again..he ran down the restaurant agin! My ds got up and ran after him!!
I got up again and ordered the boys back in and asked them to walk nicely....
They didn't!
The bar man then came to me and said if your boy doesn't sit down then I'm going to have to ask you to leave!
Well...I wasn't very happy,
I said I'm clearly trying to get hi to sit down,we are regulars here and he's never stepped out of line!
He said nothing to the other mum.
The bar man repeated to me,like I said,if he doesn't behave you have to leave,I went over to the manager,with the bar man,I was pretty heeded off,I said I always keep check on my son in here,he's never allowed to run around and I got up each time (3times) and asked the boys to sit down,what more can I do?
He wasn't actually doing anything wrong!!
Besides,the loo is down there too...

The manager understood and (she's a personal friend) said I know your good parents,but you mate is not!
I pointed out we have been there for two hrs and he got off his seat 3 times!
To follow his friend....she understood and was lovely,
But he butted in at that point and said,if he doesn't stay seated then you have to leave....
I said we live in a small community full of family's,your restaurant has a sign welcoming children and was awarded5 stars for family pub!
I'm not sitting down getting pissed and letting him run around.
I got up each time....I'm doing my job being a parent why don't you do yours! He said I am and he has to sit down...
I told him he needs to work else where were kids are not welcome if he can't cope with a child getting up and down,

I walked off and a guy having a drink Interrupted me and said,he is only doing his job!
Omg I felt so angry and upset,we know the bar man,he joined us for my birthday meal,we don't socialise with him,but he's been in our company with others before...
I asked my friends who where there after,was I out of order,they said,we don't want to get involved...which upset me...
My hubby says I wasn't,he said he had not need to come over and tell me as I was clearly getting him to sit down,
In front of everyone to...
I don't know...we normally go there once a week for food but I'm feeling embarrassed now...

My friend was drunk,but not silly,she does let her ds run,I don't judge her for that,but wish I'd had some support of people...

Sorry for the long post...you half of it was getting it off my chest!

ImperialBlether Sun 05-Jan-14 21:43:08

Well, you should judge her for that!

It's your friend who caused the problem, not the management.

Imagine bringing food and drink into the room and kids running around. It's a real health and safety hazard.

It wasn't your fault; you did what you could. However, you are blaming the wrong person here.

harriet247 Sun 05-Jan-14 21:43:25

Yabu sorry- this was a pet peeve of mine when I waited on and my iwn mother woukd have given me a whallop if I had behaved as the children did.

Fairenuff Sun 05-Jan-14 21:44:18

YABU your 8 year old was running through a restaurant.

Annunziata Sun 05-Jan-14 21:44:36

YABU. They were running around, leaving doors open, presumably making noise, and at 8, they should know better.

Fairenuff Sun 05-Jan-14 21:45:29

Sorry, 9 year old!

BerniceBroadside Sun 05-Jan-14 21:47:50

Honestly, I'd be giving my own dc three strikes and we're going home. Running about in restaurants is not acceptable as it's not fair on the other customers and it's a safety risk.

Appreciate that your son has hfa, but I still think children need to sit or stay within a safe area. Two hours was probably enough to ask them to sit quietly?

crazygal Sun 05-Jan-14 21:47:53

They should know better yes. But my son is autistic and they know that...my friend rang me this morn and said she should have done more...
I agree they shouldn't have ran,which I explained to them there,but it's a tad hard when they jump up and run!

SaucyJack Sun 05-Jan-14 21:49:07

It's a pub, not soft play. YABU.

YouTheCat Sun 05-Jan-14 21:49:27

He was doing his job. Though he should have told your friend too.

2 hours is too long in a pub. Kids get bored. YABU.

magesticmallow Sun 05-Jan-14 21:49:27

Sorry I think YABU, you clearly weren't getting them to sit down, trying yes but succeeding no, you made much more of it than needed to be and the manager was very unreasonable to comment on anyone's parenting

Bowlersarm Sun 05-Jan-14 21:49:30

YABU.

Children running around is annoying for other people, as well as a hazard.

If you had eaten your meal, and things started going pear shaped, why didn't you just leave. Your son was probably bored by then.

crazygal Sun 05-Jan-14 21:49:42

He was given 3 and we left.
The bar man wasn't excepting that I was clearly doing something...

AhoyMcCoy Sun 05-Jan-14 21:50:13

Sorry, but the bar man sounds pretty reasonable to me.

He gave the kids three chances of listening to you first, and it wasn't working. It's not like he said "LEAVE NOW!", he just said the kids had to stop running about, or would be asked to leave, which is totally reasonable- surely even you can agree kids shouldn't be running around in a pub?

How many chances should the bar man have given you before he had a word? 5? 10?!

Shakey1500 Sun 05-Jan-14 21:50:41

I understand that you were doing the best parenting under the circumstances bit unfortunately the fact remains that the kids (regardless of whose) were running around what is essentially, an adult venue. You should be more pissed off and judgey of your pal who made no effort, and not the staff who were trying to do their job.

I think (though difficult to say as I wasn't there) I would have left after doing it twice max. As it's a small community perhaps a conversation with the barperson and manager again to keep the peace. You've possibly taken the remarks as a reflection upon you, which it wasn't.

RonaldVilliers Sun 05-Jan-14 21:50:59

They shouldn't have been running up and down the restaurant, the bar manager was not unreasonable to point this out to you.

Fairenuff Sun 05-Jan-14 21:51:44

If you can't stop him running around, you should have left.

Annunziata Sun 05-Jan-14 21:52:14

I run a restaurant and I haven't a clue how to spot or deal with an autistic child. It is not our jobs to deal with unruly children, that is up to their parents.

crazygal Sun 05-Jan-14 21:52:28

We did leave...
I just thought there's no need for the bar man to keep repeating himself.
Plus they all agreed his a very well behaved lad,which I'm proud of

JeanSeberg Sun 05-Jan-14 21:52:33

Agree with the barman sorry, you should have left when it was clear the boys were getting restless.

BradleyCoopersCurlyPerm Sun 05-Jan-14 21:53:52

Regardless of the reasons for it, and as much as I appreciate that you were getting them to sit back down, I despise being in a pub / bar / restaurant and there be children running around. Regardless of whether they advertise as family friendly or not, it isn't appropriate to do and is discourteous to other people. I'm not a child hater, I don't mind children being children and playing, making some noise etc, but they shouldn't have carte Blanche to run around in an adult environment where there is food being served etc.

Agreed that you have directed your anger towards the wrong person. Barman was doing his job in maintaining a hospitable environment for customers whilst your friend sat getting drunk and neglecting to parent her child.

AhoyMcCoy Sun 05-Jan-14 21:54:05

Also, it's highly possible a customer had complained, in which case, the bar man HAD to have a word with you really.

If three kids had run past a table, then run back to their chairs, then run away again, and back to their chairs, and run away a THIRD time and back to their chairs, then hypothetically some poor customers could have been pushed past eighteen times!! It's not very considerate of others really.

YouTheCat Sun 05-Jan-14 21:54:08

Who would have been unreasonable had one of the boys ended up with a hot meal all over them?

crazygal Sun 05-Jan-14 21:54:13

Yep fair enough ladies. I take that all on board,
It is an adult space...just me feeling annoyed.

FutTheShuckUp Sun 05-Jan-14 21:54:26

My son is autistic and they know that..

Drip drip drip

foslady Sun 05-Jan-14 21:55:46

OP your son and your friends son were running in a restaurant serving hot food and I expect boiling hot teas and coffees. This is a major safety hazard as well as bloody irritating if you are eating.
Despite being told this numerous times by everyone on here you refuse to accept it.
What do you want us to say? They should have been more understanding? So what would your post have been if you were in hospital with a child with a high degree of burns?

crazygal Sun 05-Jan-14 21:56:12

Yes I can see what your all saying. Thank you...as my friends wouldn't comment I did and ask for your option. Which I except.

Fairenuff Sun 05-Jan-14 21:56:30

You only left after your son had disrupted people three times and you had been spoken to by the manager. You should have left after the first time it happened if you know he won't listen to you and keep running around.

Wolfiefan Sun 05-Jan-14 21:56:56

Children should never run about in restaurants or pubs. They ran about (several times). You also sound like you were rude to him (telling him he should do his job?!)

foslady Sun 05-Jan-14 21:56:57

X post - thank you for finally seeing it from another angle

dexter73 Sun 05-Jan-14 21:57:05

I think you should be annoyed at your friend who did nothing to stop her child running around, not the barman for asking them to stay seated.

crazygal Sun 05-Jan-14 21:57:21

Frost lady what exactly have I not excepted,,,go back and read and see what I said

kali110 Sun 05-Jan-14 21:57:23

Yabu!!!iv worked in hospitality and hated bloody kids running around. The amount of times i nearly dropped food and drinks over the poor things!
The staff werent at fault here at all. They were doing their job. Bet all hell would have broke loose if the kids had have been hurt! I feel bad for the poor barman. No wonder your friends didnt want to say anything.

Fairenuff Sun 05-Jan-14 21:57:37

Your friends were being tactful by not commenting. If they thought you were being reasonable, they would have said so. As they opted to say nothing, that means they thought you weren't being reasonable but didn't want to outright say it.

DrNick Sun 05-Jan-14 21:57:43

God you sound like a PITA group.

jacks365 Sun 05-Jan-14 21:57:51

He kept repeating himself because you kept saying but. You should have just apologised for your son and agreed that if it continued you would take him home you yourself say you would have done so so why argue about it

hippo123 Sun 05-Jan-14 21:58:08

Yabu, the barman was only doing his job and it sounds like you put your manager friend of the pub in a very awkward position. Having two 8/9 year olds running around, where food and drink are, leaving doors open etc isn't on. Personally I think you should be annoyed at the other boys mother for not doing anything, not the staff.

HairyGrotter Sun 05-Jan-14 21:58:36

YABU, it also appears that you were speaking to the barman in a manner that is provoking and unpleasant

Juno77 Sun 05-Jan-14 22:00:11

It's accept not except.

And YABU. The bar tender was in the right.

maddy68 Sun 05-Jan-14 22:01:09

You were wrong. He was doing his job. I'm sure people had complained. I would gave to be honest. I hate young for a meal and feral children are running round.

foslady Sun 05-Jan-14 22:01:18

OP, you are posting on here as you spoke to the bar man -but we left (after it happened 3 times), but he's always usually very well behaved (but not this time), but we go there regularly (so he should know that you don't run)......

sebsmummy1 Sun 05-Jan-14 22:01:51

I'm not going to give my verdict as to whether you are right it wrong. What I will say is take some time to calm down and then reassess how you feel. You obviously like the pub/restaurant and have friends there. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face and make it somewhere you no longer feel able to go.

BackforGood Sun 05-Jan-14 22:01:52

Of course YABU - you can't have any age children running around in a restaurant. They did it not once, but over again.
Can't believe you are even asking, tbh, that is SO clearly out of order.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Sun 05-Jan-14 22:02:11

If the child had hurt themselves on their property it can have implications, he wasn't unreasonable at all.

WorraLiberty Sun 05-Jan-14 22:03:01

You know you were BU and you've accepted that OP thanks

Running around an environment like that it not only dangerous for the kids, it's dangerous for everyone else too.

The barman was just doing is job and trying to keep everyone safe.

BrownSauceSandwich Sun 05-Jan-14 22:03:11

I realise your son having ASD makes things harder for you both, but he does still have to live by the same rules as everybody else.

kali110 Sun 05-Jan-14 22:03:49

Possible the bloke who stuck up for the barman may have complain.
Agree with others that you also put your manager friend in a very awkward spot with her staff aswell

CoffeeTea103 Sun 05-Jan-14 22:06:01

Yabu, the bar man was right in telling you to repeatedly leave as you didn't seem to understand what he's saying. Bloody children running around, off course you should go and stop bothering people who came out to enjoy a meal.

crazygal Sun 05-Jan-14 22:06:11

Wow please don't batter me...
I except it!
I did leave like I said,
I know he's doing his job,that's fair enough,
I feel gutted it ended like that...what more can I say,
Yes he ran,and I stopped him as I don't approve of kids running in restaurants...and we left

Yabu.

The barman would not have needed to repeat himself had you not
1. Complained about him doing his job.
2. Managed to keep your children in check
3. Not starting to argue!

Part of living in a small community is to not expect preferential treatment when your children are a not only a nuisance but also a health and safety hazard, but to respect your community and its surroundings and other inhabitants.

Bowlersarm Sun 05-Jan-14 22:06:52

Well done OP. I hope you are not feeling quite so cross now. Agree with others that you should be annoyed with your tipsy friend though.

SantanaLopez Sun 05-Jan-14 22:07:19

Aw, good on you OP. Why not pop in tomorrow with a box of chocolates and say you were stressed with Christmas/ NY and so on? They'd understand.

Motherinlawsdung Sun 05-Jan-14 22:10:06

OP I don't know why you are getting so much criticism when you have accepted that the kids shouldn't have been running about. Your friend was not a good friend on this occasion. It was HER son who started it, and you tried to get matters under control while she did nothing.
Have one of these brew

crazygal Sun 05-Jan-14 22:10:37

Thank you bowler and santan...that is something I will do of course...I'll say sorry when I an wrong,that's why I've asked on here....and I clearly was...hands up...

thanks and wine Good on you.

crazygal Sun 05-Jan-14 22:12:01

Thank you mother...my friend did ring and apologise. Which was fine,
I was controlling her boy and mine. We left,she didn't.

Wolfiefan Sun 05-Jan-14 22:16:34

You were controlling the kids? EXCEPT you weren't. They ran about on more than one occasion before you left.
You ACCEPT you were wrong? Why did you have to come on here to be told that. You should have left as soon as the kids acted up (and apologised on the way out.)

GlitzAndGiggles Sun 05-Jan-14 22:16:53

Me and oh were in a restaurant Friday night and it was really busy and tables were pretty cramped. There were 2 young boys probably aged about 2 and 5 running around for about half an hour. One of the waitresses told them to sit down and they did but as soon as she was out of sight they were up again. The parents were doing fuck all to control them and gave the smaller one an iphone to play with. Anyway more running around and the smaller one ran straight into a waiter who was carrying a tray of tea. Luckily it didn't spill on him! The barman wasn't BU it's not safe for kids to shoot up and down restaurants

magesticmallow Sun 05-Jan-14 22:20:23

No don't do or say anymore about it, chocolates??? Seriously??? No enough has been made of it already, the evil eye and a stern word to your ds before you go back next time and forget about it. You've already made too much out of it don't make the mountain bigger but don't be stressing yourself over it either op

scarletforya Sun 05-Jan-14 22:21:50

FutTheShuckUp

Op said her ds was had in the OP. She's not drip feeding.

scarletforya Sun 05-Jan-14 22:22:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crazygal Sun 05-Jan-14 22:24:55

Well girls...I'm off to bed...thank you for your input...some of it hard to read,but hey,I except that,I did ask,
It was obviously bothering me for a reason.
I will go in and make peace as we like it in there.
Night all x

Juno77 Sun 05-Jan-14 22:28:14

ACCEPT

Floggingmolly Sun 05-Jan-14 22:33:23

He's never allowed to run around. But he did; three times! confused

FrankAndFurt Sun 05-Jan-14 22:39:32

FairPlay CrazyGal for conceding that you were being unreasonable. thanks Nobodies perfect. smile. Next time you go to the pub you could have a pre-visit chat with your DS about how to behave and, if you go sooner rather than later, you could suggest he apologises to the barman. Obviously, this very much depends on your sons personality - it may be too difficult for him, however, it may be the type of thing that would be beneficial to him.

UncleT Sun 05-Jan-14 22:44:34

ACCEPT ACCEPT ACCEPT ACCEPT! You ask others what they're not getting or reading, but fail to heed about fifty very basic corrections of the same word!

Anyway, you were being unreasonable, but you know that now so good on you for taking it. Bottom - no kids running around restaurants.

UncleT Sun 05-Jan-14 22:45:20

Bottom line*

Tinkertaylor1 Sun 05-Jan-14 22:48:21

YABU its not a play ground or a kids play session, they shouldn't be chasing each other.

If one of the children had been scolded with a hot drink or knocks drinks over it could have been a serious matter.

Your ds shouldn't have been running of when you told him not too.

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire Sun 05-Jan-14 23:37:47

Well. I expect you're in bed now, but to some extent YANBU because the barman a) knew your DS was HFA and seemed to be singling him out and b) because he didn't talk to your friend, whose DS was in fact the instigator of the running.

Your friend, btw, needs someone to have a word with her, letting her DS run up and down restaurants and out into the street without her doing a single thing to stop it!!

But yes, the barman was mostly doing his job - he would have done it FAR BETTER if he had also spoken to your friend and I imagine it wouldn't have left such a bad taste in your mouth if he'd been FAIR about it, but from what you've said, he wasn't, he was singling out YOUR DS.

In the end though, he was right - you were trying but failing to get your DS to stay seated, and under those circumstances, you needed to either get him back under control or leave as he suggested.

"I was controlling her boy and mine. We left,she didn't."

I think the problem came from ordering the boy inside, the first time, the OP should of just handled her own son, then the other Mother could of taken the rap for her son being outside.

He was throwing a tantrum and should of been left.

I wonder how loud the OP was in "ordering him back in".

Whilst I understand that sometimes it's difficult to keep out of it, I have learned that these situations happen, were the wrong parent (the one trying to be responsible) is the one that is looked to as being fully and only responsible and blamed.

OP you should of just took your DS in the first time and kept him sat down, as you took responsibility, the barman had to keep repeating himself because you kept challenging him.

I have learned over the years to not try to manage children that are not with me, though.

Thornita17 Mon 06-Jan-14 01:18:17

Please bare in mind if your/her DS had fallen and hurt themselves, the pub would have been very likely liable.

I used to work in Greggs (not quite the same I know!!) and we even had a sign up and a lady still let her little boy hang off tables/run up and down ect.
He knocked an elderly lady who got upset and I asked the mother to kindly control her child for his safety. She called me up on it, demanded my manager for her boy to then slip backwards off the rail he was hanging to and flew backwards into a chair. His head was... Cut to say in the least.
She still had a go saying I should have said sooner, and our signs should be clearer. I got myself a disciplinary for it.
Fair? No.
But that's how it is, they need to save their own backs and follow guidelines i'm afraid. Your boy/friends boy should have really listened and walked in like good little boys. Though I do understand too.

Joysmum Mon 06-Jan-14 01:28:03

How many more times....

The OP has said in lots of posts that excepts accepts she was wrong and will be going back to apologise.

How nice to get an AIBU where the OP realises and accepts she is. Fair play OP cake

LiberalLibertine Mon 06-Jan-14 01:58:22

So your friend was drunk and she stayed in the restaurant with her ds? Was she in sole charge of him? Bit irresponsible isn't it?

Peekingduck Mon 06-Jan-14 07:43:55

FFS people! Op has gracefully accepted that they were in the wrong.

LiberalLibertine Mon 06-Jan-14 09:50:50

I think the friend sounds a PITA

mrsjay Mon 06-Jan-14 09:55:06

Yabu they were running around the boy took a strop and ran off your son was in and out like a yo yo family friendly pubs doesnt mean kids can wander about your friend should have sorted her son instead of sittingon the comfy sofa tbh

candycoatedwaterdrops Mon 06-Jan-14 10:12:23

FUCK OFF to the posters who keep correcting her grammar. She wasn't using txt speak, she just got the word wrong. They sound the same and you knew what she meant, you just wanted to pick.

WaitMonkey Mon 06-Jan-14 11:14:16

YABU from me, sorry.

SnakeyMcBadass Mon 06-Jan-14 11:29:41

Agreed, Candy. Just comes across as nasty.

Pipachi Mon 06-Jan-14 11:49:48

OP, you have reacted like a good sport to all those YABUs. thanks

candycoatedwaterdrops Mon 06-Jan-14 12:03:47

OP, think the issue was that you know your son but the bartender really didn't, all he saw was a couple of kids running around. Anyway, don't let it get to you. smile

randomAXEofkindness Mon 06-Jan-14 12:50:52

I second the 'FUCK OFF' above.

'Except' didn't make the op's sentences ambiguous, everybody knew what she meant, it was unnecessary and arsey to publicly correct her mistake. Do you do that to people in real life?

Maybe the 'spelling police' should keep in mind that being better with language merely means that you are better with language, it does not mean that you are a better person. I know loads of twats who write decent prose. Sit on your hands, the only person you are making look bad is yourself.

glasgowsteven Mon 06-Jan-14 13:46:16

It was pretty annoying - the Except!!!

It is a difference word and pronounced differently.

AXE ept!!!!

I made a cake with flower!!

Juno77 Mon 06-Jan-14 14:29:52

Oh god, I absolutely do it to people in real life.

If I was making a basic spelling error, I would want people to tell me so I could correct it, and learn.

I'm not 'spelling police'? Why would you leave it? Do you not think it benefits everyone when people can spell properly? FGS it's a basic part of the curriculum!

candycoatedwaterdrops Mon 06-Jan-14 14:39:22

Many people have learning difficulties and/or dyslexia. Bet they feel fab when they get reprimanded by a stranger on a social media forum with an inflated sense of self.

I had an friend who moved abroad and we used to chat (several years ago) via MSN and email, she would comment on every little error, even a typo. I don't talk to her anymore. The spelling and grammar in my dissertation will be proof read and hopefully flawless, I don't care if I get a word or two wrong on her. I always do, I am human!

candycoatedwaterdrops Mon 06-Jan-14 14:40:08

And to prove my point, I accidently wrote "on her" instead of "on here"! wink

Juno77 Mon 06-Jan-14 15:18:14

Ha ha, I don't have an inflated sense of self!

People with learning difficulties and dyslexia also sometimes like to be corrected in their errors, you know. It is called learning.

Some people like to get things right, and be correct. Some don't care.

Each to their own. But, bad spelling and grammar annoy me, so I will continue to give people the benefit of correction. They can, if they so choose, ignore me.

BirdintheWings Mon 06-Jan-14 15:20:22

Not a dripfeed at all, Fut, as she mentioned his HFA in the first post.

BirdintheWings Mon 06-Jan-14 15:26:07

Oops, ignore me, missed a few dozen messages.

candycoatedwaterdrops Mon 06-Jan-14 16:35:02

Juno you could have said, "just in case you wanted to know, it's accept" but you were much blunter. Anyway, it's a social media site, not an English lesson. I still maintain that, unless it makes zero sense or breaking guidelines, it's none of your business.

I bet you are barrel of laughs in social situations!

Friend: I'm just gonna get us a drink. Another vodka, Juno?
Juno: it's "going to"

grin

randomAXEofkindness Mon 06-Jan-14 16:58:25

Juno: "They can, if they so choose, ignore me."

You repeated your correction after the op ignored it. Why did you do that?

Juno77 Mon 06-Jan-14 17:01:13

It wasn't just me.

candy grin I don't mind colloquialisms. Just spelling errors that I think warrant correction!

And I can't abide ignorant spelling. Sorry.

randomAXEofkindness Mon 06-Jan-14 17:37:49

"Warrant correction" confused

You certainly do have an overinflated sense of self if you think that you have a right to correct somebody's spelling on here. Can you imagine how your behavior could make some people feel Juno? And for what, really? You aren't trying to benefit anybody but yourself. I hope you don't think that anybody believes that you are doing this because other people 'want' flaws in their language to be picked out, highlighted, and used by some smug cow to beat them over the head with, because that would warrant correction...

Juno77 Mon 06-Jan-14 18:21:37

I'm not a 'smug cow', please don't be so nasty and rude.

Of course I have 'the right' to tell people when they've made a mistake. As they have the right not to heed my advice.

Dear, in what way do you think correcting someone making a spelling error is benefiting me? It isn't, not in the least. It's imparting knowledge. It's helping people become better, because ultimately, good spelling and grammar are positive attributes.

I've made spelling errors in the past, and have been corrected. I learnt, and didn't make them again. I presume I shall make more in the future; I'd be terribly disheartened if I thought people were passing on my ignorance when I could have had the chance to correct my mistake.

Would you prefer we just did away with the correct use of English and allowed people to spell as they wish, to avoid risk of offending? I would find that a very sad indictment on society, to be honest.

candycoatedwaterdrops Mon 06-Jan-14 18:28:15

Some people are so far up their own arses that they can't see that their behaviour is very rude. ^

Juno77 Mon 06-Jan-14 18:34:08

It isn't rude to correct a mistake. It just isn't!

FrankAndFurt Mon 06-Jan-14 18:37:11

Juno. I think it's ok to correct people's spelling once but to carry on comes across as smug. Posters that seem hellbent on correcting other posters spelling come across as pompous and patronizing to me.

My spelling and grammar is poor and I am more than happy to be corrected once! however a blunt bolded second correction would piss me off.

Juno77 Mon 06-Jan-14 18:41:51

It wasn't intended as smug. The OP was ignoring the various people who pointed out the error.

Apologies OP of I came across as smug. I most certainly am not a smug person! We all make mistakes.

smile

FrankAndFurt Mon 06-Jan-14 18:44:44

smile. FairPlay to you too Juno thanks

Back2Basics Mon 06-Jan-14 18:45:56

LOL at I'm not a 'smug cow', please don't be so nasty and rude like your not being extremely rude anyway.

Topseyt Mon 06-Jan-14 18:54:10

I don't think it is rude to correct a very annoying mistake. That said though, the corrections were ignored anyway.

Accept and except have totally different meanings.

Flame me if you want to.

For what it is worth though, I actually think the OP has been very gracious to ACCEPT that she was wrong because he child ran about in the pub. I do think though, that the pub managers were unreasonable too in that they didn't speak to the other parent, whose child seems to have caused the problem in the first place.

Juno77 Mon 06-Jan-14 18:54:23

back2 - like I say, it's not rude to correct a mistake. Certainly not in my opinion anyway.

It is rude to throw insults.

Back2Basics Mon 06-Jan-14 19:17:26

Of course it's rude to correct a mistake, the worst bad manners are commenting/noticing others.

Juno77 Mon 06-Jan-14 19:31:43

The worst bad manners are correcting mistakes? confused

What a strange world you must live in.

Back2Basics Mon 06-Jan-14 19:38:41

Of course, it is so rude and classless to make others feel bad about themselves. If you feel the need to show your superiority over something to make others feel inferior it is very bad manners.

Have you never heard the saying if you have a guest round for dinner who picks up the wrong knife and fork you then use the wrong knife and fork to make them feel at ease?

What a strange world you must live in not to of known this?

Maybe you should train as a teacher juno and then you may get r red pen out and mark others mistakes to your hearts content.

Grumpasaurus Mon 06-Jan-14 19:48:42

People have probably already said this...but even though pubs are family friendly, it doesn't mean that children have free reign to run around- no matter what the parent is doing (or, in your friend's case, not doing) to stop them.

I LOVE children. However, I HATE (and I mean, this is a HUGE bug bear of mine) being out at a pub or a cafe when I am not able to enjoy what I am spending my money on because someone else's children are running around, misbehaving.

TBH, although I completely agree with other posters that you should be mad at your useless friend rather than at the bar man, I wish there were more pub or café or restaurant staff who would stick their neck's out to ensure that adult environments remain so...

Sorry if this sounds harsh- like many people, we can't afford to eat out all that much, and when we do, I want to be able to have a laugh / conversation with my husband / friends / family without being interrupted by children!

aderynlas Mon 06-Jan-14 19:56:57

do go back to the pub with your son op. Its your local and somewhere you enjoy. Just say hi to everyone, all children misbehave now and then. Im sure your little lad will be fine. Tell him any running is to be saved for the park.

Juno77 Mon 06-Jan-14 20:59:31

Back2basics I wasn't trying to make the OP feel bad about herself, or inferior. Nor do I consider myself superior.

I obviously have a small piece of spelling knowledge that I thought I would share.

In very sorry that this has upset you so much.

wokeupwithasmile Mon 06-Jan-14 21:09:23

Juno I am normally not one who gets into these kinds of arguments, BUT
you were basically shouting at the OP.
If I was shouted at by a complete stranger who thought something I was doing was inappropriate I would find that very embarrassing, odd, and I would certainly think that such person had some sort of problem.
Perhaps next time you might want to wait a bit more before thinking that your opinion is appreciated on something that has nothing to do with the topic discussed.

SeaSickSal Mon 06-Jan-14 21:35:11

Anybody who pulls rank on someone by complaining to their boss as a 'personal friend' deserves everything they get IMO.

Juno77 Mon 06-Jan-14 21:40:17

Hmm. So did 3 or 4 other posters who obviously feel the same way as I do.

And I was 'shouted at' (if you mean using capitals) to 'fuck off' by two posters, which is awfully rude and really, aggressive.

I used capitals as emphasis rather than inferring shouting. I apologise if you took it otherwise and I offended you. I don't shout at people.

Lastly, I wasn't actually offering my opinion. I was pointing out a factual error.

I guess I just think spelling and grammar are really quite important. I wouldn't hire someone, for example, who couldn't differentiate between except and accept. I felt it was courteous to try to help the OP with her basic error - obviously it's feeling isn't mutual between us and for that, I can only suggest we agree to disagree.

FrankAndFurt Mon 06-Jan-14 22:00:52

Juno. I guess your apology wasn't that sincere sad.
Correcting someone's mistake ONCE is ok but you went on to correct it twice in an abrupt and rude way. It was patronizing and rude. To continue to insist it wasn't doesn't suggest you were simply wanting to 'share' your superior knowledge rather it suggests you were irritated by the OPs mistake.

Juno77 Mon 06-Jan-14 22:05:44

As I've said, I am not superior. I was pointing out an error.

It was not patronising, because being unable to spell isn't indicative of age.

I've apologised to those who felt I was rude. I had no intention of being rude. This had obviously not been accepted, so there is little more I can do.

I stand by my opinion that correcting mistakes is reasonable, and I absolutely respect the fact that you disagree.

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