WWYD about DSD's constant nits.

(39 Posts)
LouiseSmith Fri 03-Jan-14 15:22:39

So heres the situation,

My DSD always comes to us on a Friday with nits. We treat her, and check her hair and she's always sent home nit free on the Sunday. To go through the whole process again. My DP has sent her mum messages saying she has nits, and all she says is "I know, shes been crawling for days."

Am I too be unreasonable in thinking she should be treating her, and at the risk of being flamed here I don't want nits in my home, or for my son to keep getting them from her (hasn't happened yet mind) Not the little girls fault but what can we do?

minniemagoo Fri 03-Jan-14 15:27:07

Unfortunately unless the mum treats her household, people, bedding, brushes etc they are likely to keep returning. Is the mum treating them? Would she be amiable to you passing on some treatment tips/shampoo etc?

SaucyJack Fri 03-Jan-14 15:27:12

Yes, YABU to be blaming the mother for a nit epidemic at the school. Your partner has shared custody of his daughter- these things are just as much his responsibility as hers.

Being a Saturday dad isn't just about the fun bits.

Fragglewump Fri 03-Jan-14 15:28:48

Op I feel your pain as we have exactly the same! We have had my dsd visit us with nits constantly for about 4 years. Sooooo frustrating for us as we then have to constantly treat my own dcs every week too. I feel it is neglectful to subject your child to a life of constant nits but I guess these other parents don't! We have tried asking nicely, giving tips, and everything else we can think of but if she can't be arsed doesn't see it as a priority then there's little anyone can do to persuade her otherwise! Good luck.

pandaptogether Fri 03-Jan-14 15:29:20

Not sure really, keep treating her? I hate it when i see children scratching and the parents leave until its convenient to treat it. It must be so uncomfortable for them.

My dd get them occasionally and you just have to deal with it and keep their hair tied up. Youve tried letting the mum know, theres not much else you can do but de-nit when they are with you

SantanaLopez Fri 03-Jan-14 15:29:22

Depends- there could be a nitty child at school who is never treated. But mum should be combing every night if there is.

LouiseSmith Fri 03-Jan-14 15:32:16

I'm not blaming the mother at all. But other children have been told (by there mothers ) not to play with DSD because she has 'little friends.' We deal with it, buy the stuff treat her weekly, and then when we get her back even when she hasn't been at school she's crawling with them again. Surely that's a bit extreme, and almost neglectful to leave it without treatment.

Fragglewump Fri 03-Jan-14 15:33:16

From experience it is impossible and very demoralising to spend hours at the weekend treating and combing if the other parent doesn't play ball and do the same - as unless you do it every day or every other day they will keep coming back!

mrspremise Fri 03-Jan-14 15:33:33

TBH, they should never have gotten rid of the nit nurse from school. My kids have them almost constantly, despite all the treating and combing...

Purplepoodle Fri 03-Jan-14 15:35:11

Would it be worth sending an electric nit comb home with her when dp drops her off? He could tell her mum that he's found it great so thought she might like one?

Chattymummyhere Fri 03-Jan-14 15:38:38

Vosene shampoo I think its called do a nit repel version £2 a bottle in asda, maybe you could give mum some of that (or get her to buy it if she will) it might help a bit if mum is not bothering at home. We have just started using it to try and avoid the kids getting nits I've heard in recommenced on here before

LouiseSmith Fri 03-Jan-14 15:42:43

@chattymummyhere - thank you, I will grab us a bottle.

We have sent bottles of stuff home, combs, offered to buy enough to treat all of the children but she says we're being rude. But when we ask why we're the only ones treating it, she says she's got other kids not just DSD and why should she pay for it, there's no winning,

DP is thinking about calling SS as he says it's neglectful, I personally am not sure. I've told him not to rock the boat but I don't know what to say.

Loopylouu Fri 03-Jan-14 15:43:48

My ds has had nits for a over year now. I'm at my wits end.
I tried everything.

He's put his foot down about daily washing and combing - he's 11 so I am finding hard to force him.

I get emails from his dad and partner all the time saying I'm being neglectful, but what more can I do? I have used every treatment going and now wash and comb every 2-3 days with tea tree oil but it's getting more and more difficult as ds becomes more and more difficult. I'm in between a rock and a hard place.

LouiseSmith Fri 03-Jan-14 15:47:29

@loopylouu - I feel for you. It's not a nice situation to be in. We're trying to be supportive and helpful, because at the end of the day it's for DSD but we kept being met with a brick wall. From what DSD has said her mum doesn't treat them. She's 6.

SaucyJack Fri 03-Jan-14 15:48:03

We deal with it, buy the stuff treat her weekly, and then when we get her back even when she hasn't been at school she's crawling with them again.

I simply don't believe this. If your SD had an isolated infestation, and you were treating it properly at the weekend, then you'd clear it up within two or three weeks.

If she's constantly crawling then I strongly suspect her entire class is.

Nits are an ongoing battle with my two girls. My ex and his partner tried to pass the buck to me solely on to me in much the same way that you are doing until I set him straight.

WorraLiberty Fri 03-Jan-14 15:52:28

My DSD always comes to us on a Friday with nits. We treat her, and check her hair and she's always sent home nit free on the Sunday. To go through the whole process again.

It takes 7-10 days for the eggs to hatch

So if she's crawling with them by Friday, the chances are you/your DH aren't removing them all.

Fragglewump Fri 03-Jan-14 15:55:00

@saucyjack I just don't agree. We have been doing this for years but if the op's dsd goes back to a house where her mum won't treat them and gets into bedclothes which have nits and eggs and uses hairbrushes with nits and eggs then they will never go! It's crazy to suggest that a parent with weekend only contact can eradicate them with no help from the other parent!

C3P0 Fri 03-Jan-14 15:57:18

Maybe a buzz cut is the way forward? No hair, no problem.

Altinkum Fri 03-Jan-14 16:01:12

Saucy jack, i think you should step back from this thread as your projecting and being incredibly rude!!!

OP sorry you may think your dsd is clear but unfortunately it takes 7-10 days to clear, (9 cases out of 10 thy need two treatments a few days apart)

I'd send the vosene and a nit cream and also her very own hair brush and possibly an email to say all bedding, towels, etc.... will all need washed as nits have been found, all very pleasant however, it may simple be a lack of knowledge on how to treat and deal with them.

SaucyJack Fri 03-Jan-14 16:05:06


You're either misunderstanding me, or I'm not explaining myself very well.

I'm not suggesting for a second that nit prevention should only be the problem of the OP's partner.

I just don't agree with them trying to blame solely onto the mother when it's most likely an ongoing problem at the child's school.

The mother may very well be thinking the same thing about the OP.

HotDogHotDogHotDiggityDog Fri 03-Jan-14 16:07:01

I've had an ongoing battle with DD's hair for about 3 years now. Thankfully as she's getting older (9) she's not getting them as often as before, I think it's mainly because she's growing out of hugging her friends in class so much.

I do get pissed off when she comes home from her dad's with messages passed on that I should be doing her hair more often with lotion and some silly little 'cures' exMIL has come up with i.e full head of hairspray to prevent the nits sticking hmm.

Putting lotion on her hair on a weekly basis is not good. DD has a dry, flaky scalp as a result. The advice I give is to just try and manage it as best as possible with regular coming and a repellent shampoo. Occasionally put lotion on if its particularly bad and of course inform the school so they can send notes out.

I remember my mum going through the same battle with me at that age. My brothers & SIL's are going through the same with my DN's. Friends moan about it too. They are all in different schools so it's very common.

It is not a sign of neglect.

BlatantRedhead Fri 03-Jan-14 16:07:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jacks365 Fri 03-Jan-14 16:11:55

Saucy I think you may have missed the significance of the op mentioning that they had offered to the mum to pay for all the children to be treated in other words their dsd has other children in the home that she is mixing with on a day to day basis and that they are the source of the constant reinfection because the mum isn't treating any of them.

Op your dp may be right to speak to ss because if this is being ignored what other needs are as well.

Altinkum Fri 03-Jan-14 16:12:41

And tbh some blame should be on the mother if she's known her dd has nits for days, and is crawling with them.

However I haven't read the OP is blaming the mother at all.

Fragglewump Fri 03-Jan-14 16:29:13

Saucyjack I think I understand you but suspect you have either misunderstood the op or have another axe to grind. If there is a big nit problem at school then the dsds mum should be combing her hair free of nits and eggs everyday. She's not doing it...... At all by the sound of it. Whoever has the child the bulk of the time must by default take the majority of the responsibility for keeping the child nit free else it will not work.

SaucyJack Fri 03-Jan-14 16:32:43


Why would the mother want them to send her some of the stuff they use when it clearly doesn't work?

jacks365 Fri 03-Jan-14 16:37:53

Saucy why presume it doesn't work? Nothing works if 1 child out of for example 4 is treated. The point is that the other children in the household are not being treated so will reinfect the dsd.

SirChenjin Fri 03-Jan-14 16:39:42

It doesn't work because they are only getting to use them at the weekend - it needs to be used more often. Given that the DD lives with her mum and her mum has acknowledged that she's been crawling with them for days then she's a lazy mare who should have her arse kicked for not taking better care of her DDs nit problem.

I found the only thing that works is loads of conditioner followed by combing using a nit comb every 2 days. It was a complete PITA but worth it. The lotions and potions didn't get rid of them.

Fragglewump Fri 03-Jan-14 16:42:00

I love you sirchenjin.

Fwiw untreated nits in dcs is classed as neglect. If the other family are saying I know, she's been crawling for days it might be an indication that she's not getting treated. Often a letter from ss will buck up the ideas a bit scare them into doing their bit

Complain to the school formally if it is another child or group of children who aren't being treated. I appreciate the poster upthread who is doing battle with her 13 year old, but this is a different matter.

Combing must take place every third day for a period of two weeks. You must have several entirely nit free combing session after that time to be considered 'nit free'

The 'nitty gritty' with the long tignes and twirly bits work excellently at removing eggs and nits. You must use it correctly though, keeping it at a right angle to the scalp at all times.

Using lotions regularly is unadvisable, as it breeds resistance in nits. This has already happened.

The best preventative is to use essential oils mixed with a carrier oil. Rosemary and lavender are known to kill nits and prevent infestations.

Two very secure french plaits.

Good luck I'm sure you know most of this anyway. I'd feel very pissed off if I was in your shoes.

SirChenjin Fri 03-Jan-14 16:42:50

I love you too Fraggle grin

WooWooOwl Fri 03-Jan-14 16:51:58

We have sent bottles of stuff home, combs, offered to buy enough to treat all of the children but she says we're being rude. But when we ask why we're the only ones treating it, she says she's got other kids not just DSD and why should she pay for it, there's no winning,

If this is what's happening then the blame clearly lies with the mother who is being lazy. And neglectful.

SirChenjin Fri 03-Jan-14 17:31:12

Second that post trashcanjunkie. Tea tree oil also works well...but the lotions are definitely not a particularly effective treatment.

CaptainSparklePants Fri 03-Jan-14 17:36:32

Long time lurker de-lurking...

No idea to how to get her mum to start any nit treatments, but thought I'd share a technique I used to use in my teens to get rid of headlice when I caught them from my younger cousins... Hair straightening, with v hot straighteners (like GHDs). Dunno exactly how hot they get, but I don't think even the nits (eggs) would survive being passed over by 200 odd degree straighteners.

My sis used to have a crazy amount of nits on the underneath of her hair, no treatments or combing got rid of them, but once she started straightening her hair (for vain teenage girl purposes, not headlice removal wink) they went pretty quick.

Obviously this isn't a great idea for younger kids, but maybe older ones? Or adults that keep catching them from kids? Just thought I'd share in case it helps anyone out. The heat does damage hair, but the chemicals in headlice treatments aren't so nice either for hair or scalp.

I used to blast my scalp with my hair dryer on the hottest setting I could bear, but that's probably not the best treatment to use on anyone but yourself :P

phantomnamechanger Fri 03-Jan-14 17:38:21

I know what will happen 2 day into term, loads of people will be moaning that suddenly their DCs are crawling with nits having been clear all holiday - not understanding that the lice will NOT have all suddenly leapt onto their sweet smelling DCs but will have been hatching the whole time over the hols. People neglect to check over the hols as their Dc are not mixing with so many kids. People need to be combing every few days as a preventative measure as even when they see no lice there may be eggs , or growing lice you missed last time cos they were so tiny. eg - a child gets one louse from a friend. It lays a headful of eggs over the next few days. the parents then see it and catch/kill it, have a quick look and think phew only one we are Ok. a week later kid is crawling with lice. even if that one original louse dies/falls off the head without the parents ever knowing it was there, it has still left behind lots of eggs, so again a quick look for live lice is no reassurance. You then only need to miss one egg to have the same thing all over again.

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 03-Jan-14 17:48:53

You are not sending dsd back nit free, you are sending her back after one day of treatment that is not the same thing.

Combing is more effective than chemical treatments so why should mum have to use them just to keep you happy,

Or are you expecting her to convince you that she's combing?

addictedtosugar Fri 03-Jan-14 17:50:03

I don't have a 6 year old. Would she be capable of combing with a nitty gritty twice a week when not with you (assuming she wants rid also).
I assume it wouldn't be very efficient, but may be enough to reduce the infestation so you can do a really good job at the weekend?
Its really not tackling the issue, but may well be enough to reduce the levels if nits.
If this is a really stupid or impracticable, please ignore.

Weelady77 Fri 03-Jan-14 18:10:53

Poor wee sconehmm

It is neglect if it's not being treated!

addictedtosugar it would be really nigh on impossible for a six year old to self comb imo

highfives sirchenjin

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