to make dh return this call?

(76 Posts)
Mintyy Thu 02-Jan-14 21:58:16

Landline has just rung and I am not in the living room where phone is.

Dh is in there watching something on tv he is interested in.

He answered phone, it is a relative of mine fancying a chat.

He brought phone in to me in kitchen where I am eating late dinner, and I indicated "no, don't want to speak".

So dh said to caller "we'll call you back in about 15 minutes".

Aibu to refuse to do that and let dh call her back?

Dumpylump Thu 02-Jan-14 21:59:55

What should he have said?

lottiegarbanzo Thu 02-Jan-14 22:00:48

They wanted to speak to you, or they'd have spoken to him at the time. Call them back or don't <shrug>.

Mintyy Thu 02-Jan-14 22:01:00

He shouldn't have answered the phone.

complexnumber Thu 02-Jan-14 22:01:49

Of course you are BU.

Your DH is just stepping aside from any family 'issues' you may have. He certainly should not be expected to make your family calls.

Joysmum Thu 02-Jan-14 22:02:04

Why would you do that? It's your relative, you didn't want to talk, he could see you eating dinner so said you'd call back. What's the big deal? If you don't want to callback tonight, do it tomorrow.

He shouldn't have answered the phone? hmm And then he had the audacity to misread your indication?

LTB of course.

Shnickyshnackers Thu 02-Jan-14 22:03:23

I think there is a huge backstory here!

complexnumber Thu 02-Jan-14 22:03:46

Why shouldn't he answer the landline?

You are coming across as barking.

But then I like that in an AIBU thread

Mintyy Thu 02-Jan-14 22:04:04


DoYouLikeMyBaubles Thu 02-Jan-14 22:04:13

He's not a bloody mind reader.

Mim78 Thu 02-Jan-14 22:05:43

If anyone phones me in the evening wanting "a chat" I text them to say I am too tired.

Anyone who wants a chat on the phone in the evening is weird IMO.

Once dd is in bed my time is for me, not to be wasted having "chats". (PS you might notice I hate the word chat!)

I do prefer to either see people in person or text/e-mail them though - I am not a telephone "chat" person so might be wrong person to ask.

If they don't have a mobile you can text them on then yes dh should phone back and say something more appropriate, like you will call them tomorrow or whatever.

This is also why I don't have a landline!

MrsKCastle Thu 02-Jan-14 22:07:16

Yabu. Why would he ignore the phone? And once he had spoken to your relative, he could hardly say you didn't want to speak to them.

Either call them back, or don't. But don't blame your DH.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Thu 02-Jan-14 22:07:24

Why should her DH make excuses for her? If she can't be arsed talking (which I fully understand I'm the same) she should be able to tell them herself. She's a grown woman.

I am so glad none of my friends ever ring for a chat I hate it. <anti social>

CoffeeTea103 Thu 02-Jan-14 22:08:18

Grow up.

Mintyy Thu 02-Jan-14 22:10:01

Yes, I am totally rellied-out from Christmas and New Year (as dh knows perfectly well, today is only the second or third day we have had at home on our own since 23rd December) and we are spending nearly the whole day with this person who called tonight on Sunday. I don't want to speak to her tonight, so dh can ring her back and make my excuses for me.

Lottiedoubtie Thu 02-Jan-14 22:11:27


Very subtle Bingo?

Because I recognise your username and your stance on this is otherwise unfathomable barking

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Thu 02-Jan-14 22:11:35

What if he says no? You're acting a bit erm... Like a little girl. You usually seem quite reasonable!

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism Thu 02-Jan-14 22:12:09

Surely relative will understand that 'call back in 15 mins' is code for "leave it'?

Janethegirl Thu 02-Jan-14 22:14:25

Just phone in the morning, or tomorrow night. Most people will understand.

Hassled Thu 02-Jan-14 22:14:26

Your relative, your problem. Sorry, but rules are rules, and this is a rule I created especially to deal with talkative ILs and their ability to ring during top telly moments.

UnicornsNotRiddenByGrownUps Thu 02-Jan-14 22:15:03

I'm like this...DH loves a natter on the phone to his own family whereas I'm pretty much phone phobic. He randomly passed me on to one of his relatives earlier on and if looks could kill....

Can't you just text this person saying you're busy?

pictish Thu 02-Jan-14 22:17:14

I don't want to speak to her tonight, so dh can ring her back and make my excuses for me. My dh has been known to expect this sort of thing from me in the past, and I won't comply.
His answering the phone, and saying what he did was standard procedure I'm afraid. He's not the secretary and isn't there to field your calls - as I told my dh.

If you really cba with a short call (and I do sympathise with that, believe me) then text and let the rellie know...just for manners sake.

It's not your dh's job to ring them back though.

Mintyy Thu 02-Jan-14 22:20:32

It is his job though Pictish. He answered the phone, he said we'd ring back. I don't want to ring back tonight therefore = his job.

pictish Thu 02-Jan-14 22:22:16

Your rellie - your job.

BitOfFunWithSanta Thu 02-Jan-14 22:22:50

I am SO tempted to phone you now for a 'chat' grin

BillyBanter Thu 02-Jan-14 22:25:00

I think he should drive round there, pick her up and bring her round yours for a proper chat. phones are so impersonal, don't you think?

nevergoogle Thu 02-Jan-14 22:25:42

I hate it when anybody phones me. If there's a specific arrangement that needs to be made then great, sort it out, exchange the information and get off the phone. I don't want to chat. Therefore I don't answer the phone.

I'd be the same as you in this situation. But of course that doesn't mean that you aren't being unreasonable. Just that you're not alone.

Mintyy Thu 02-Jan-14 22:26:55

I didn't pick the phone up Pictish!!!!!!!!!! It is not my job.

PortofinoRevisited Thu 02-Jan-14 22:27:13

BOF - you never ring ME for a chat envy ! Mintty my love you need to suck this one up, tell them you are just off to bed etc.

PortofinoRevisited Thu 02-Jan-14 22:28:24

Mind you - I always feel slightly panicked when the house phone rings....

pictish Thu 02-Jan-14 22:29:00

We just don't answer the phone in the evening any more. No caller ID on the landline, so we jump out of our skins if it rings, and then gape at each other in outrage.
We 1471 it, and 9 times out of 10, it's a nope.

Shnickyshnackers Thu 02-Jan-14 22:29:08

dont phone them back. no biggie. but you are being completely unreasonable. i feel sorry for your dh, he's not a mind reader.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism Thu 02-Jan-14 22:30:01

It's no ones job.

If relative calls you just say, "bloody dh didn't tell me you'd called"

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Thu 02-Jan-14 22:30:20

Minty are you okay?

<tilts head>

pictish Thu 02-Jan-14 22:31:02

You sound like my dh did.
It IS your job.

ExitPursuedByAChristmasGrinch Thu 02-Jan-14 22:32:37

On the fence here.

Really he should not have answered. That is what caller display is for.

But unfortunately he did. And your relly. Your call.



BillyBanter Thu 02-Jan-14 22:35:18

don't phone her. Cut all contact. It's not worth the social embarrassment of not calling her back, nor having to say words to someone you only saw the other day.

NachoAddict Thu 02-Jan-14 22:35:29

Oh I always ignore my phone, I hate chatting over the phone.


Mintyy Thu 02-Jan-14 22:36:30

He's done it. Just done 15 minutes on the phone to confirm (bear in mind he hasn't eaten yet) that we are still going there exactly as arranged on Sunday. Topics covered included possibly moving house, younger db appearing in a naked charity calendar, a fall out with some distant relation she has.

This person has never knowingly been on the phone to me for less than 30 minutes and I have posted about her actually moving me to tears of frustration before now about her phone habits.

New Years Resolution is to get phones with caller id, and this year will really do it!

ExcuseTypos Thu 02-Jan-14 22:38:34

Dare I ask if you've phoned her back yet?

ExcuseTypos Thu 02-Jan-14 22:39:32

Oh x posted!

You're DH is well trained!

ExitPursuedByAChristmasGrinch Thu 02-Jan-14 22:41:11

Bless that man. He is a true treasure.

cjel Thu 02-Jan-14 22:42:43

I must admit I hav a rule which Ive passed on to both my adult dcs that the phone was installed for my benefit and if I don't want to answer it I won't. I also would feel obliged to ring back if someone else said I would. I wouldn't expect them to do it for me though.
I have to text my ds and say I need to speak to you can you answer. Ten ring again and he doessmile
Peopke who I wannt to talk to know my mob no and if I don't answer landline they will ring that.
Like I say they can ring but I don't have to answer!!!

cjel Thu 02-Jan-14 22:43:14

Would NOT feel obliged to answer!!

VworpVworp Thu 02-Jan-14 22:46:57

Goodness- you eat supper late in your house, Minty!

Mintyy Thu 02-Jan-14 22:48:15

Yes, sometimes very late.

stealthsquiggle Thu 02-Jan-14 22:50:31

Mintyy that was above and beyond the call of duty and very nice of your DH.

pictish Thu 02-Jan-14 22:53:07

Think we need caller ID as well.
My dad is hard to get off the phone. Don't feel sorry for him...he's narcy, and only ever talks about himself and what he's been doing lately in great laborious pleased-with-himself detail.
Must add though - if dh did what yours did, I'd still view at as my problem to deal with.

Dh's aunt is his equivalent. She has invited us to her 'open house party' on Saturday, on five seperate occasions official invite through the post, one print out done on the computer for us as a cute visual reminder and handed over in person, another of the same for ds1 who is 12, and two verbal phone call reminders. Thus far.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Thu 02-Jan-14 22:54:58

Caller ID - I wouldn't be without it now fgrin

If you have issues with this person your DH should know to try to take control of the situation when he answers the phone - he could have said you were out and could he help & if not, you'd see her Sunday as planned. He has to have known you wouldn't want to call her back & he didn't do much to help you out.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Thu 02-Jan-14 22:55:33

Mind you, after tonight, he might think of that for himself next time fgrin

Wallison Thu 02-Jan-14 22:58:15

Is 'dh' code for 'personal assistant' now on mumsnet?

My DH wouldn't of answered the damn phone, never
does,even if hes sitting next to itangry iv given up trying to train him grin

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Thu 02-Jan-14 23:13:17

Wallison not sure if that's aimed at me or not, but I'll answer anyway fgrin

No, DH is not code for PA, however, I do expect the people I live with to have some sense of how I feel about things. If someone else chooses to answer the phone when they know I wouldn't, then I would expect them to do their level best to deal with it accordingly without involving me. In the same way I expect them to deal with people who knock the door or whatever. All he had to do was say she was out or in the bath and how could he help... if not, unless it was urgent, they'd see her as planned on Sunday. Telling her that Mintyy would call her back in 15, when it was clear she wouldn't want to was shitty/thoughtless of him.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Thu 02-Jan-14 23:16:14

Some people aren't good at thinking on their feet maybe it was the first thing he thought of? People should make their own excuses not do it through another person and THEN expect them to deal with it again afterwards confused shine a light.

Mintyy Thu 02-Jan-14 23:21:28

But can you please explain to me why I should have to make my own excuses when I didn't answer the fekking phone?

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Thu 02-Jan-14 23:22:00

If he can't think on his feet he shouldn't have answered the phone fgrin

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Thu 02-Jan-14 23:22:57

Did you tell him not to answer it?

The phone call was for you. It was your family. It was you who should have done your own dirty work.

Mintyy Thu 02-Jan-14 23:25:15

But why? why? why???????????

I didn't answer the phone. I wasn't in the same room as him.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Thu 02-Jan-14 23:29:05

Again, did you tell him not to answer the phone?

He's not psychic.

It was your call, you decided you couldn't make your own excuses and then when your DH makes an excuse for you that isn't quite how you wanted it to go, you expect him to ring them up?

I'd think you were a bit odd.

But this is just another 'YABU' 'why???? No I'm not'.

BillyBanter Thu 02-Jan-14 23:31:38

Look in future the moment the phone rings shout DON'T YOU DARE ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE!

Not sure why you didn't think to do so this time, frankly.

SmileItsANewYear Thu 02-Jan-14 23:34:46

Look in future the moment the phone rings shout DON'T YOU DARE ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE! Love this grin

HOMEQCRICH Thu 02-Jan-14 23:42:01

If I were you I would disconnect the phone..

kali110 Fri 03-Jan-14 00:21:53

Cant believe your husband actually rang your relative back. Think yawbvu.agree next time say dont answer the phone or disconnect the thing

DailyMailGail Fri 03-Jan-14 01:14:17

Why would your DH want to talk to your rellies.

Got to agree - I'd never expect DH to call my rellies back for a chat.

ComposHat Fri 03-Jan-14 01:29:54

Does anyone find the whole whole scenario a bit odd? I imagine this poor quivering wreck of a man trying to appease the unfathomable whims of his wife, who acts like a megalomaniac Habsberg emperor driven mad by power and syphilis.
I'm really timid, but if I'd been ordered to phone your relative and make a pissweek excuse because you suddenly didn't fancy it, I'd have told you to go and take your face for a shite.

UnicornsNotRiddenByGrownUps Fri 03-Jan-14 01:42:40

OP think you're getting treated a bit harshly here. I completely get where you are coming from.

KeatsiePie Fri 03-Jan-14 01:49:29

YANBU. If my DH answered a phone and told the person on it that I would call back in 15, I'd be really annoyed.

But. What should he have said? I know you said he shouldn't have answered the phone but I think YABU there, he should have the option to answer. So there must be a correct response he can give if it's for you and you don't want it.

I think I'd want mine to say "I'll tell her you called."

mayorquimby Fri 03-Jan-14 01:51:27

So in future any phone asking for you he should just respond "no" and hang up them.

Wallison Fri 03-Jan-14 13:09:48

<<But can you please explain to me why I should have to make my own excuses when I didn't answer the fekking phone?>>

Because the call was for you. So you make the excuses.

StanleyLambchop Fri 03-Jan-14 13:47:33

YABU. What was he supposed to do? He presumably did not know who was ringing until he answered it. When he knew it was for you, he came to find you. You indicated that you did not want to speak- but what was he supposed to say? 'Sorry, she does not want to speak to you?'. You can't expect him to be rude to your rellies on your behalf. If he had said something like- sorry, she is eating right now, they probably would have asked for a call back afterwards anyway. I think he is a saint to have done the call back for you, he is not your secretary!

cardibach Fri 03-Jan-14 14:49:44

THis is another of the issues on MN which make me go confused hmm.
WHy don't you people like to talk to your friends? Or if you are genuinely tired/busy why can't you just say so? THis phone thing goes along with the general MN distaste for people dropping in for coffee. In RL everyone I know likes it and is able to say the words 'Sorry, I have to go out in 5 mins' if necessary.
MN is like a parallel universe, I swear smile

BillyBanter Fri 03-Jan-14 14:55:43

But. What should he have said? I know you said he shouldn't have answered the phone but I think YABU there, he should have the option to answer. So there must be a correct response he can give if it's for you and you don't want it.

I think I'd want mine to say "I'll tell her you called."

'I'll let her know but don't get your hopes up.She made a right face when she heard your name.''

'Can I take a message? She's too drunk to come to the phone right now'.

ViviPru Fri 03-Jan-14 14:59:03

Urgh. Phonecalls. They make me twitchy.

Capricorn76 Fri 03-Jan-14 15:07:04

I hate people trying to call me in the evenings. It really feels like my personal space is being invaded. Most people have got the picture and text.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Fri 03-Jan-14 18:18:46

I've never heard of the term 'rellies' before this thread. <shivers>

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