to be disconcerted by 12 year old ds's..............er ....maleness...?

(170 Posts)
curlew Thu 02-Jan-14 18:06:45

We are a family that's pretty relaxed about nudity, and ds just wandered out of the shower- and his willy and balls have suddenly turned, practically overnight, into grown up ones.

All perfectly natural and I love that he's growing up, but......waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

SmileItsANewYear Thu 02-Jan-14 18:11:04

Not sure your son would love you posting about that.

SantanaLopez Thu 02-Jan-14 18:11:40

confused

Why were you looking?!

curlew Thu 02-Jan-14 18:14:38

I wasn't looking- he came out of the bathroom to ask me where his towel was.

WorraLiberty Thu 02-Jan-14 18:14:59

And you thought you'd share that, why? confused

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 02-Jan-14 18:15:27

Um?

raffle Thu 02-Jan-14 18:15:56

I was stroking DS face the other day, enjoying his beautiful soft baby cheeks, and I suddenly thought how sad it will be when he grows up and has horrid beardy bloke cheeks.

I would imagine it was a similar feeling.

WaffilyVersatile Thu 02-Jan-14 18:15:59

erm ok, that's called puberty - you may want to buy yourself a book?

SmileItsANewYear Thu 02-Jan-14 18:16:55

horrid beardy bloke cheeks

This is hilarious and absolutely what I am going to call them from now on.

puzzleduck Thu 02-Jan-14 18:18:35

My DS is super proud of his developing hairyness, he keeps saying "look Mum, Ive got a few more today" whilst showing me all his bits I would rather not see.

ShatnersBassoon Thu 02-Jan-14 18:18:48

Looking forward to the next willy and balls update confused

SilverApples Thu 02-Jan-14 18:19:12

You'll survive the shock curlew my love, the next step is when he starts to think about using them... grin wine

<Proud parent of a beardy man>

NaturalBlondeYeahRight Thu 02-Jan-14 18:19:14

Think you are all being a bit harsh here, puberty (especially the overnight kind) can be a bit of a shock for the parents and kids alike. It's not like she was announcing it to all his friends!

TheOriginalSteamingNit Thu 02-Jan-14 18:19:24

No, that must have been a bit of a surprise! Even though of course one knows, with a twelve year old you haven't really seen them in the bath for a good few years usually and it must be odd to suddenly realise they are 'men'!
But yes: make sure he doesn't see 'threads I've started' wink

curlew Thu 02-Jan-14 18:20:03

Oh, God, is that one of those threads where I should have put "lighthearted" in the title so people don't think they should report me to social services or something? grin

candycoatedwaterdrops Thu 02-Jan-14 18:21:38

Uhm, a bit odd that you posted it on here. I bet he'd be thrilled.

Meerka Thu 02-Jan-14 18:22:04

no, that's really reasonable to be disconcerted! gawd what an awkward moment

curlew Thu 02-Jan-14 18:22:06

Don't worry- my children know my Amazon and Paypal passwords- but never my Mumsnet name!

Edinbugger Thu 02-Jan-14 18:22:25

Sympathise OP and with you puzzleduck - my dd is also v proud of developing hairyness and insists on updating me regularly. It breaks my heart a bit - it's hard to face that she's growing up (and ultimately away...).

Sparklingbrook Thu 02-Jan-14 18:22:36

I had the same with DS1 (now 14). He called me into the bathroom to look at a bruise on his leg while he was in the shower. blush

You see them naked all the time when they are little then suddenly you don't for ages and it's all a bit different when you do.

Some of these responses are a bit hmm

SecretRed Thu 02-Jan-14 18:23:17

Nah most of us can see that it's lighthearted. The others have had some kind of sense of humour malfunction.

FanjoForTheMammaries Thu 02-Jan-14 18:23:35

Tis a tiny bit TMI

Why would anyone give the OP a hard time confused, this is an anonymous forum

Curlew didn't come on and say my son, bob cratchit, of 34 Camden town has big hairy, man balls.

Mumsnet is fuckwitted at times.

OP - sad when they grow up and sometimes it's very disconcerting. I felt the same when dd laughed at a blow job joke the other day on Friends as she got the joke properly for the first time after seeing it a dozen times.

TheOriginalSteamingNit Thu 02-Jan-14 18:23:54

Ah, my dd likes to look at my recent comments if I leave the iPad on the breakfast table! She always has a useful comment about who's being unreasonable.... Shall I ask her? wink

D0G Thu 02-Jan-14 18:23:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wigglybeezer Thu 02-Jan-14 18:24:05

My youngest DS was traumatised when his 12 year old brother "developed", they share a bedroom and his older brother had a habit of climbing up the bunkbed ladder naked to fetch his PJ's, giving his wee brother a lovely view of dangling tackle.

ilovesmurfs Thu 02-Jan-14 18:24:15

i know exactly what you mean curlew we are relaxed about nudity here as well.

ds1 is 14 and ds2 is 11. ds1 is def all man now physically. he got razors and shaving foam in his stocking. its like one day they are still a little boy and then boom!

everynow and then i get a glimpsr of ds1 and am still suprised by the hairyness etc.

its fine, just a very obvious reminder of how grown up he is getting, he is my babybee....wail. grin

Ikwym.

One day they seem so small, and then they just seem to grow overnight and become a teenage boy. And you wonder where all the time went?

Ds2 is nearly 12 and he still likes to curl up on my knee like he did when he was a babygrin. Trouble is he is only 10cm shorter than me now!

He started getting really stinky armpits and has to be reminded to wash and put on deodorant.

I'm afraid this is the thin end of the wedge and once they start puberty it all changes pretty quickly.

And everyone else, stop being so nasty. The op was just sharing an observation like hundreds of others have done. Why shouldn't she express her feelings about he ds growing up?

Sparklingbrook Thu 02-Jan-14 18:24:54

It's AIBU isn't it? Attack wherever possible is the default.

Bodypopper Thu 02-Jan-14 18:25:12

See this is precisely why I always brought up my kids to knock on ours and each other's bedroom doors and not parade around naked thank you very much. Past age 7/8 anyway.

Less is more! grin

TheOriginalSteamingNit Thu 02-Jan-14 18:25:35

Oh yes laurie - when you suddenly realise they get jokes that you used to count on going over their heads.... [embarrassed]

SilverApples Thu 02-Jan-14 18:26:07

Yes, I've been asked to treat cuts and bruises in awkward places with no sense of modesty. But I had a long hard battle to get him to wear clothes in the house for years, finally won when he was around 7.
It is a shock when you get a sudden indication, any indication, that they are becoming adults.
I was arguing with DS last week, and he picked me up and ran down the road with me. Including my shopping.

Orangeanddemons Thu 02-Jan-14 18:27:29

I love ds,s beardy face. I pull his beard, it makes me laugh

I remember being horrified that he would even grow one though!

BellaVita Thu 02-Jan-14 18:27:32

I know exactly what you mean too curlew grin

IamInvisible Thu 02-Jan-14 18:28:29

I walked out of my bedroom the other morning, at the precise moment DS2(17) walked out of his stark, bollock naked! shock blush

I got more than I bargained for and didn't know where to put my eyes!blush He just went "Morning, mother!" grin

SilverApples Thu 02-Jan-14 18:28:57

And yes to DD getting rude jokes and innuendo and having adult content conversations with me.

Sparklingbrook Thu 02-Jan-14 18:29:10

It was a very impressive bruise Silver. i was hoping shin but it was more thigh. sad You could see the stud marks and everything from the boot.

MrsMeow Thu 02-Jan-14 18:30:07

Bloody hell, some of these replies!

OP I get where you're coming from, I had similar when I took DD to buy new bras the other week. Huge change from her last lot in the summer!

DS (nearly 10) got a Lynx set for Xmas and was over the moon with it. He's hardly been out of the shower since. That was a shock to the system as well. It still feels like I should be giving him Johnson's baby bath to use grin

Sparklingbrook Thu 02-Jan-14 18:30:22

And there's the moment when the hairs in the bath are definitely not from DH or I. grin

Bodypopper Thu 02-Jan-14 18:30:32

silver had exactly that. Ds picked me up while in full flight nag mode and popped me out of his room when he was 17. Made us all laugh.

puzzleduck Thu 02-Jan-14 18:30:55

Boys are different to girls. Girls tend to become shy when going through puberty whereas boys just act the same as before.

IamInvisible Thu 02-Jan-14 18:31:43

I've got my own wetroom, Sparkling, no one is allowed to use it but me!

Sparklingbrook Thu 02-Jan-14 18:32:25

envy Iam. Shared family bathroom here. Two boys. sad

Waaah my boys are nearly 4 and 15 months & I'm dreading all of this. Remind me to give their baby ness an extra big cuddle tonight.

Tigerbomb Thu 02-Jan-14 18:33:15

I dont even want to think about my son's tackle but I do remember the time where it seemed that one minute he was shouting mom, mom in a normal kids voice and then the next second it was a deep bass voice

Bodypopper Thu 02-Jan-14 18:34:00

To add ds when he was 17,and to be fair quite fit, opened the front door to 3 of my middle aged friends in his boxers.

Fond memories of their faces.

hoppingmad Thu 02-Jan-14 18:34:47

Yanbu. Think some people are a wee bit uptight!

My ds confronted me one day with "I'm growing hair - down there! Wanna see?!" I told him it was ok, I believed him

I hate the fact he now gets all the jokes - it's a pain in the arse as dh & I can't share a wry smile about daft things now as he bloody gets it!

SPsWantsCliffInHerStocking Thu 02-Jan-14 18:35:12

I was arguing with DS last week, and he picked me up and ran down the road with me. Including my shopping

grin My brother has done that. 14 and 6 foot. He has no shame or concept of modesty.

He walls around in his boxers all the time. When he finally got hair he had to show us all.

NoelOfLorst Thu 02-Jan-14 18:35:21

Thankfully I've been spared the meat n two veg display with my eldest, but we did have Pubewatch- daily updates on the amount and thickness of the newly sprouted hairs.

That was fun hmm

Bodypopper Thu 02-Jan-14 18:35:45

sparkling dark, bristly hairs? Feel your pain!

Hassled Thu 02-Jan-14 18:36:25

My Precious Last Born, my perfect baby, my late surprise has a moustache. A bloody moustache. Yes, I'm disconcerted - it's just Not Right. I feel your pain.

Sparklingbrook Thu 02-Jan-14 18:37:10

Yes Body. I was confused at first-then I realised. And told him to rinse the bath out when he has a shower.

Sparklingbrook Thu 02-Jan-14 18:37:50

No facial hair as yet. The joy of that is yet to come.....

SPsWantsCliffInHerStocking Thu 02-Jan-14 18:41:09

My 12 year old sister is worse. Everytime I visit I get 'ere SPs, i have hair on legs! Come see, feel it" She now wears bras and keeps telling me hera will be bigger than mine.

I was never like this.

DS1 is 10 and just asked to read a book on puberty - luckily I did have one. I've seen the odd spot on his face and the odd spot of attitude. He's already nearly the same shoe size as me (he's a 5 I'm a 5.5). Its all going to change and I'm not ready for it...

ashamedoverthinker Thu 02-Jan-14 18:42:04

I dont think its odd to pst at suddenly realising how much nearer to adulthood a 'P' DC is. The OP just noticed this in this particular way that's all.

I had a bit 'oh' moment when checking DS had washed himself properly as he had a stint of going in shower and comming out unwashed. Anyway i noticed how many thin but dark pubic downy hairs he had. He is 8 ffs.

There's some right prudes on this thread.

SilverApples Thu 02-Jan-14 18:42:06

DD is home, the house is covered in wispy underthings and bras with a significant cup size. OH is a bit startled as he does the laundry.

Joysmum Thu 02-Jan-14 18:47:09

Can totally relate. Remember taking DD to the doctor at age 8 because she thought she'd bumped her chest and was sore still after 2 weeks. Doctor told me it was changes in Brest tissue due to puberty. By age 10 she needed bras and throughout she has delighted in bragging about the changes she notices and her hairs!

As a mum, I'm proud she'd taking everything in her stride and want to stop her growing up into a young lady and keep her as my little girl. waits for the thought police to tell me how dreadful I am as a mum to lament my child growing up

fifi669 Thu 02-Jan-14 18:47:49

My big brother insisted on telling me he'd started puberty as we were watching cartoons. I swear I'm traumatised because of it.

DS is 3, he's not allowed to become a man they're too hairy and smelly smile

Islenka Thu 02-Jan-14 18:48:56

YANBU.

DD gets dirty jokes. Very dirty jokes. Sometimes I don't even get the jokes and then I look them up and am a bit shock at them. And when DD wanted to go on the pill due to her boyfriend. My PFB is growing up sad

2Tinsellytocare Thu 02-Jan-14 18:50:29

'Mumsnetter in disgrace after revealing son has a penis scandal' YANBU OP it must have been a shock, he's your baby after all. I know from experience that aome people on here can be sensitive about willy related issues

curlew Thu 02-Jan-14 18:58:15

And he's now curled up on his dad's lap in an Angry Birds onsie. Phew. I can go back to denial- my favourite place.

FourFlapjacksPlease Thu 02-Jan-14 19:04:03

I am far more shocked by some of the replies than I am by the OP. Are we only allowed to post (on this anonymous forum) about things that our children would be happy about us sharing? That will make for an interesting read! Some of you are properly odd.

Curlew - I know exactly what you mean. Tis very disconcerting. So strange to start adjusting to them becoming teenagers when in your head they are still so little.

minouminou Thu 02-Jan-14 19:05:35

My DS and uber-PFB is seven, but suddenly his shoulders have broadened a bit and his facial bones have had a quick coat of testosterone. His tiny short leggies have got really long and I can see the future man......

My little boy.
He also offered to duel the school bully a few weeks ago, as he was fed up with his odious antics.

MakesAMessWhenStressed Thu 02-Jan-14 19:10:39

I was just nibbling my tiny 2yo DS's bottom. It's soft and peachy. I can;t bear the thought that one day I will not want to/be allowed to nibble it and that it will be all hairy and manly. He has the loveliest bottom I've ever encountered <sobs>

I can totally understand how weird it must be Curlew

curlew Thu 02-Jan-14 19:19:46

There's a moment too when the cuddles turn from soft and squdgy to wiry too.

And don't get me started on what it's like to cuddle a distraught child who has breasts in an under wired bra......!

Snog Thu 02-Jan-14 19:20:06

Agree there are some dodgy replies on here to poor Curlew.
We are a frequently naked household and my dd is 14. She has never been self conscious at home although she is definitely self conscious in shop and swimming pool changing rooms!

We just never started covering up in front of each other and it now seems a bit late to change tack...anyway I see no problem with it tbh

I know exactly what you mean! DS is 12 and now taller than me and has a deeper voice. Hairy legs. That's the bit I don't like! He had lovely soft legs and now they are getting hairy.

greeneyes1978 Thu 02-Jan-14 19:36:28

I have just been reading a puberty book with DS who is 9. He was disgusted by what sex is, completely disgusted! He told me he will be adopting children. Looking forward to recounting this story when he's older!!

CaptainTripps Thu 02-Jan-14 19:37:07

As a nation, we are pretty uptight about nudity and associated ishoos.

I can practically hear the swift intake of shocked breath. And breathe, folks. Tis all completely natural.

I applaud you, OP, for your laid-back openness.

RoseRedder Thu 02-Jan-14 19:55:53

I once had a bit of a shock with DS1 with previous girlfriend when they were 18.

They had been drinking in his bedroom and totally over done things (he's never drunk a drop since, think it gave him quite a scare)

Found him naked and covered in puke in his bedroom and her naked and covered in puke in my bath

It was hard to try and help without seeing bits of them both I wish I'd never had too, and I do remember thinking, that's it, they're all grown up sad

(although did try and ground him for a month grin , 18 or not!

MadameBigToes Thu 02-Jan-14 20:14:55

Curlew I know what you mean, my DS is only 8 but I'm already a bit nervous about it. I can't get my head round it happening!

I feel your thread is the perfect place to drag this up. Always makes me ROFL.

I must admit, it was disconcerting to take DD shopping for bras. But there's no way she's going to be in ill-fitting bras, so I'd measured before setting out (the MN way of course) and took her into a changing room. I stood outside while she changed, only going in once the bra was on to check the fit.

That's fine, although a sad reminder she's no longer a baby (at 13.6).

DS is almost 10, and a bit on the small side. I think puberty may be a little later for him, and I KNOW I'll be unprepared in the same way curlew was.

InsanityandBeyond Thu 02-Jan-14 20:42:09

I have twin DSs who will be 12 next month. I noticed a few months ago that they seem to have sprouted hairs over night. Very disconcerting! I had to buy them a deodorant each when they started secondary school as they started getting whiffy.

I must admit I still have not got over the shock of realising that they will actually become MEN shock, not my little boys any longer. They are both strapping lads but still sit on my lap on occasion hmm.

Mind you I had the same with 17 year old DD when she started sprouting boobs at the same age. It is quite hard to accept them growing up! At least I have 3 year old DS3 to be my baby.

I totally get what you mean grin.

SweetSeraphim Thu 02-Jan-14 20:49:39

I can remember bursting into the bathroom and seeing dd in the bath by accident - there was hair. I was horrified.

These days, at 16, she asks me to cover up wandering around the house. It makes me sad, a bit sad

lowra Thu 02-Jan-14 20:51:42

Jeez, can't believe how nasty some posters are.

curlew Thu 02-Jan-14 21:01:16

"As a nation, we are pretty uptight about nudity and associated ishoos.

I can practically hear the swift intake of shocked breath. And breathe, folks. Tis all completely natural.

I applaud you, OP, for your laid-back openness."

Actually- on a serious note- is it really that unusual to see your children naked?

Moreisnnogedag Thu 02-Jan-14 21:01:49

No I don't believe you. It will not happen. My DS will remain small and cute and squidgy forever. <waaaah>

WandaDoff Thu 02-Jan-14 21:02:59

I know exactly what you mean curlew. My DS' are 13 & 16 now & I definitely get a shock when I catch sight of them undressed. I'm more embarassed by it than they are, I think.

My babies sad

D0G Thu 02-Jan-14 21:03:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Moreisnnogedag Thu 02-Jan-14 21:03:48

I think it depends. I'm South African and my mom used to still does talk to either me or dsis whilst we had a bath. For a brief period from 14-16 I got all shy. My dad makes filthy jokes in front of me. Shocks DH to the core though grin

pixiepotter Thu 02-Jan-14 21:06:10

why oh why would you come on here and post that? just why?
It's not something amazing-it happens to all boys.Did you think your DS was Peter Pan.And why on earth did you think we would want to read about your 12 yr olds balls <boak> x 1000

D0G Thu 02-Jan-14 21:07:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catgirl1976 Thu 02-Jan-14 21:11:39

I can imagine it is a shock. Confirmation that he is growing up and will actually be a man one day - and one day soon

I remember my little brother wearing shorts one day and me shouting "But........but you've got MAN legs!" If I found that odd I can only imagine how disconcerting it was for my DM.

Moreisnnogedag Thu 02-Jan-14 21:12:19

Jeez pixie et al. Lighten up. It's a reminder your dc are growing up. I'm sure curlew didn't think it weird or magical or owt just that it was an undeniable fact that her son was entering manhood, which is a bit tug at heart strings.

Sparklingbrook Thu 02-Jan-14 21:13:43

Poor pixie she doesn't understand.

Onefewernow Thu 02-Jan-14 21:15:21

My sons are 34, 15 and 13.

I've always thought we were a fairly relaxed and not at all 'buttoned up' family, but all my sons take very great care to make sure I don't see then even half naked. I think they'd collapse with shock if I entered the bathroom when they were undressed.

phantomnamechanger Thu 02-Jan-14 21:15:29

pixie, people post on here about their DDs periods, their DHs impotence, their colleagues BO, cancer treatments, dementia, all sorts of deeply personal and TMI things - she wasn't posting picture ffs

this is no different than talking about babies dirty nappies or bed wetting, it is an emotional stage of parenting facing up to your DC growing up, Op just wanted to feel not alone in her "shock" and sadness

I totally get it - my baby boy is 9 and still all soft and cuddly, I have already been through periods, bras and sex talk with DD1 but know I will grieve for my last baby growing up, I just know I will.

Onefewernow Thu 02-Jan-14 21:18:28

Yes, I get that Phantom. There can be a sadness to it for mums.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism Thu 02-Jan-14 21:18:44

Wah- ds (13) still asks me to give him a cuddle after the bath but he is very, very concerned to be covered up.

I got him tweezers for Xmas as apparently he has the bushiest eyebrows in the entire school. I think he might be right.

WheresTheHoneyMummy Thu 02-Jan-14 21:21:19

Horrid beardy bloke cheeks....DS1 (18) has those, and a chest full of hair. Where did my baby go? How can he have a full on beard sad
Dreading DD2 (10) developing boobs, etc, she really is the baby of the family. But she's still really little so hopefully it won't be too soon!

curlew Thu 02-Jan-14 21:25:33

" I think they'd collapse with shock if I entered the bathroom when they were undressed"

In my defence- I didn't enter the bathroom, he exited the bathroom! grin

hottea7 Thu 02-Jan-14 21:26:56

My boy is 11 and recently I bought him a book on puberty, for him to read and for us to talk about together if he wanted to. He asked me about wet dreams and I said just put your sheets in the machine and I will wash them, he joked will probably have to snap them in half mum. I was like whhhaattt, my baby

SamU2 Thu 02-Jan-14 21:29:16

I see my 12 and 14 year old naked often.

It's really no big deal.

It is shocking when they start to change. Mine seem to not know the meaning of TMI and like to keep me up to date with various happenings, although I think I would prefer that to them not talking to me about it at all.

Onefewernow Thu 02-Jan-14 21:30:42

Oh Lordy do NOT agree to black sheets. Did that for the eldest; never again.

ilovesmurfs Thu 02-Jan-14 21:33:28

My elder twoboys arecovering themselves up more as htye get older, I still get an unexpected glimpse of them from tiem ti tim, they aremt bothered and nor am I.

They have no probkems seeing me naked at all, will come into the bathroom when I am in the shower or bath etc.

I think its fine for them to see me naked and vice versa, but it is disconcertign to realis thry are turnign into men. Yes its normal but it still takes you by suprise soemhow.

worley Thu 02-Jan-14 21:40:44

My 15 yr old DS has such hairy legs sad just like his dad! Ds2 (7) is amazed by it.. As am I! He is so grown up now.

I'll bite: what's wrong with black sheets? confused

Janethegirl Thu 02-Jan-14 21:47:50

What's wrong with black sheets? It's too obvious to comment smile

Not to me it isn't........ because I've had black sheets for myself and never had a problem.

D0G Thu 02-Jan-14 21:51:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nicky2512 Thu 02-Jan-14 22:01:05

SCARY. My beautiful precious baby boy is now 8! He is so sweet and lovely and such a mummys boy but I really see him growing up. He has got so tall and broad but it's more things he says and jokes he makes. He really couldn't care less whether he has clothes on or not so I have all of this ahead of me!

DOG thank you blush never thought of that. Just have to say I don't recall it being an issue with DP and me grin. I only got rid of the black sheets because they were poly cotton and felt horrible (it was a long time ago).

catgirl1976 Fri 03-Jan-14 09:08:48

I got black sheets once for me and DH

After a day or two it looked like something from CSI Miami

Never again <bleurgh>

VivaLeBeaver Fri 03-Jan-14 09:19:57

My dd proudly dropped her pants to show me her pubes when she got some.

MadameBigToes Fri 03-Jan-14 09:40:57

Does she know your posting name Viva grin

I'm loving the po-facedness on this thread. Just because the OP said "willy and balls." Doesn't the phrase have a lovely ring to it?

Willy and balls
Willy and balls
Glad ti-hi-dings of wi-hi-lly and balls.

Your family sounds completely normal to me, OP.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream Fri 03-Jan-14 10:14:12

I can't believe the comments about 'why were you looking?'
Eh???? You're not allowed to look at your child's body? How ridiculous! My 12 year old asks me if he thinks his willy is the right size for his age....I'm his mum! My 15 yr old also wanders around naked, and so do I. If they were uncomfortable with it, we would cover up. Nudity is healthy!

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream Fri 03-Jan-14 10:15:36

grin at themaltesefalcon

HaroldTheGoat Fri 03-Jan-14 10:16:57

Wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah.

That's all.

DottyDot Fri 03-Jan-14 10:20:04

Curlew I am completely with you and would have started this thread myself if I wasn't in so much shock/denial!

Ds1 has just turned 12 and I'm horrified gobsmacked that we now have a MAN living in our house, not a little boy. All that hair..!! shock

We still all wander in and out of the bathroom naked and of course I should have realised this would happen, but it's still a flipping shock... I feel like it's worse in a way for ds1 with me and dp both being women - I wish he had a man in the house to see that it's all OK etc. So, much to ds1's absolute horror, I've been talking lots to him about puberty and growing up etc... grin

Poor sod - he doesn't mind the grown up tickle tackle (as I often refer to it) but doesn't want a hairy chest or hairy legs - this I think is down to too many men on TV being all smooth chested and I'm starting to realise that the pressure on boys/young men to look ridiculous attractive based on what they see on telly is just as strong as it is on girls/young women.

So, totally with you and trying to get over the transition so that we're ready for it again in 2 years time with ds2 grin

DottyDot Fri 03-Jan-14 10:22:47

I have to say that over the past couple of months, when dp and I have mentioned it to close friends, it seems no-one else sees their children of this age with no clothes on... We have friends who have boys who wear pants in the bath/shower and boys who lock the bathroom and are always covered up so that their parents never see them naked, which I can't imagine - but I'm sure will probably happen over the next year or two in our house.

So there's equal horror when we all discuss things like this grin

anewyear Fri 03-Jan-14 12:02:42

Both my boys prefer to shower than bath/e, We dont have a shower in the family bathroom, so my two 15 & 12 use the shower in MY ensuite.
They wander in and out naked, am I supposed to close my eyes whilst they are wandering in and out of MY bedroom? hmm

squoosh Fri 03-Jan-14 12:27:09

Wow, some people are very uptight about a bit of nudity. No one knows who Curlew actually is, therefore no one knows who her son is. It's a sad day when it becomes creepy for a mother to comment on her own child's changing body in a perfectly normal, maternal way.

HarrietSchulenberg Fri 03-Jan-14 12:28:17

My 13, 11 and 6 year old dses have no fear of nudity +their own) but when they saw me with no trousers on last night their horror was almost comic.
Ds2 unintentionally announced his impending puberty at a family dinner by telling everyone that his willy had an enormous moustache under it.

SilverApples Fri 03-Jan-14 12:29:34

I think the question is do all these children who feel relaxed and safe enough at home to be nude act appropriately when out of the home?
If they are not stripping off and wandering around friends' and relatives' houses, then what's the problem?

curlew Fri 03-Jan-14 12:40:43

Do some people genuinely think there's something odd about members of a family being naked in front of each other occasionally? Really?

Every day's a school day!

Sparklingbrook Fri 03-Jan-14 12:43:25

yes you are obviously a huge weirdo curlew. grin

curlew Fri 03-Jan-14 12:49:26

Though so. I will start imposing swimwear for baths and showers from now on, and a special siren to be set off if anyone needs to leave their room unclothed so the area can be cleared............

Groovee Fri 03-Jan-14 12:56:40

I was quite shocked when I barged in on dd in the shower as to how much her body had changed.

My ds is 11 and I'm dreading him suddenly growing up.

Gruntfuttock Fri 03-Jan-14 13:01:25

Just out of curiosity, would anyone have had a different response to the OP if it had been a father talking about his daughter?

squoosh Fri 03-Jan-14 13:02:49

Not at all.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream Fri 03-Jan-14 13:08:31

Course not grunt. No different at all. A father is allowed to see his child's body without it meaning he's inappropriately interested in it hmm

PoirotsMoustache Fri 03-Jan-14 13:30:58

I'm with Moreisnnogedag - my almost as tall as me DS is never growing up, never I tell you!

curlew Fri 03-Jan-14 13:32:11

What do you think, gruntfuttock?

dawntigga Fri 03-Jan-14 13:52:34

The Cub has signed a contract stating he will NEVER grow up. wink

SoThat'sSortedTiggaxx

madmomma Fri 03-Jan-14 14:29:35

YANBU my first daughter started getting boobs at 8 and by 10 she was like Jessica bleedin Rabbit. It's a right headfuck.

lougle Fri 03-Jan-14 14:45:37

I have to say that I'd be a bit shock at 12! I don't have boys and just assumed that they wouldn't look 'manly' until at least 15 grin

I think attitudes to nudity are really interesting. My 4 year old was on the toilet yesterday and said 'Mum, what are these lumps in my lulu, here? There are two...' I just said 'Oh, that bit is your clitoral hood and those are called 'labia'. It's bedtime now but I'll show you an anatomy book, a book on parts of the body, tomorrow if you want to know more.' She said 'ok. It's rude to look and talk about lulus isn't it?' I replied 'It's fine if it's your own lulu, but it's not polite to look and talk about other people's.' She said 'Ok. By the way...how do you make water?....' grin

I was brought up in a home where nudity was 'nothing' - it was neither discouraged nor encouraged...it just was.

DH was brought up in a home where nudity just did not happen. He still talks of being traumatised when he once caught a glimpse of his DM's nipple as he started to open a door. sad

MunchMunch Fri 03-Jan-14 15:23:58

Op YANBU, my ds1 is 14 soon and this past year puberty has hit and as much as I'm looking forward to having a big handsome strapping son I feel sad that the baby/young boy years are gone and not coming back sad at least I have ds2 who is nearly 4.

Ds1 is quite shy about his body at the minute but sometimes let's me see his hairy pits grin there has been a few times where I'm sat down and turn around to find out that I'm at crotch height (fully clothed btw) and can see that he's becoming more...manly.

Just hoping dd doesn't start her periods and puberty at 9 like I did as she's just gone 6 so I'm hoping for quite a few years of squishyness from her.

FanjoForTheMammaries Fri 03-Jan-14 15:30:37

I said it was a little TMI.

But that doesn't mean in any way that I think the OP is weird or inappropriate about her son.

That is a disgusting thing to say to a mum.

I just maybe am a bit more prudish re nudity. .We are all different.

NewtRipley Fri 03-Jan-14 15:31:52

OP Yanbu

It is disconcerting. But also lovely to see them growing up. My DS1 is quietly proud that he is growing and developing - he used to obsess so much about being small (stature, I mean).

When do they start shaving??

I also think it's great that some of our DCs can ask us about their bodies

NewtRipley Fri 03-Jan-14 15:33:28

I do get pangs of looking back, but I can honestly say I have enjoyed each new phase, and the independence it brings. Up to a point - I will be a wreck at some point

Mignonette Fri 03-Jan-14 15:43:38

I've never seen my children naked since puberty hit- they are both grown now. Not because of prudishness; we are a home that talks about anything, but because the kids both became quite private once they hit this age. I was happy to be seen deshabille but they also needed to understand our right to privacy- in our bedroom for example.

Boundaries should be adhered to- what your child and yourself feel comfortable with.

I think the natural desire for privacy that can occur at puberty may have had a role on discouraging incest in very close communities. I certainly think male teenage children might withdraw from and reject close physical contact from their Mothers especially until they have regained control over their sexual responses (which can be pretty random). It may serve that purpose.

I've never had the sadness about my children growing up. I don't find it poignant and do not see it as a loss of anything. Am just relieved that I got to have children that grew up when so many parents do not.

DottyDot Fri 03-Jan-14 15:49:59

I was having a bit of a pang last night because ds is also growing at a rate of about 1cm a week (feels like that anyway!) and is now about 5'6" - I miss him as a little boy, literally and it feels weird trying to hug him now he's virtually my height! I also feel sad that he's sad about getting hairy - poor sod - he's got a couple of hairs under each arm and the beginnings of fuzz on his upper lip and he just wants them all to go away!

But I'm pang-free about how grown up he's become in other ways - like doing the washing up without being asked shock grin

NewtRipley Fri 03-Jan-14 15:51:42

Mignonette

yy. I agree. I assume the need for privacy as a default, although the older DS, who is entering puberty is less private than the younger.

Mignonette Fri 03-Jan-14 15:56:32

Yes, unless you want to walk in on your kids shagging their partners, the knock on the door and wait rule needs to be used before puberty!

curlew Fri 03-Jan-14 16:01:52

Interesting. In real life some people think I'm strange because we have a strict knock and wait policy for closed bedroom doors and have done since the children were old enought to shut their doors. And they are allowed to say "go away please" and it be respected.

SoupDragon Fri 03-Jan-14 16:02:03

DS1 (14.5) won't even let me see him in his pants. As far as I'm concerned, he is still the little boy whose nappy I used to change and is no different at all and I will not believe anyone who tries to convince me otherwise. Despite him being taller than me (and I'm not short).

<<fingers in ears>>
<<lalalalalala>>

SilverApples Fri 03-Jan-14 16:06:12

It's also interesting how different teens have different levels of comfortableness with being nude around others, and how part of accepting they are growing up is allowing them to be private if they want to be.

NewtRipley Fri 03-Jan-14 16:08:41

curlew

Yes. I've knocked and waited for as long as I can remember.

TheCrumpetQueen Fri 03-Jan-14 16:09:52

horrid beardy bloke cheeks

Haha!

MiserableJanuaryJerseySpud Fri 03-Jan-14 16:26:34

DD1 is 7 now and already she wants us to leave the room when she gets changed. Im only allowed in the bathroom to wash her hair otherwise she doesn't want the company (but still happily plays with toys in the bath)

She looks so grown up when shes dressed in just jeans and a hoody.

At least i have DD2 who is 2 to be all cute and cuddly still. And not force me to listen to One Direction. On repeat.

I'm with lougle i knew this would happen but it seems to have been a bit sooner than i thought. My DS's aged 14 and 12 are both taller than me, and have changed to have more manly shaped bodies and armpit hair (sure they have developed all over, but they haven't shown me) - I thought it would be 15 or 16 before that happened

hottea7 Fri 03-Jan-14 16:50:37

My boy is 11 and recently I bought him a book on puberty, for him to read and for us to talk about together if he wanted to. He asked me about wet dreams and I said just put your sheets in the machine and I will wash them, he joked will probably have to snap them in half mum. I was like whhhaattt, my baby

hottea7 Fri 03-Jan-14 16:50:43

My boy is 11 and recently I bought him a book on puberty, for him to read and for us to talk about together if he wanted to. He asked me about wet dreams and I said just put your sheets in the machine and I will wash them, he joked will probably have to snap them in half mum. I was like whhhaattt, my baby

SomethingkindaOod Fri 03-Jan-14 17:39:56

Oh yes, my 13 year old DS called me into the bathroom one memorable evening while in the bath, which is odd in itself as while we're relaxed about nudity, his bath is sacred to him alone. "mum I've got 3 pubes, do I have any chest hair? I can't see down properly to look" FFS. Cheers love, I was changing your nappy last week I'm sure and now you're counting pubes??
His voice has started to go as well, listening to him and his cousin (same age) talking to each other is like listening to a slightly posher Kevin and Perry...
it's a shocker and no mistake. I'm howling at the thought of PP's being picked up and carried down the street by their Sons though, this is exactly what DS will be doing when he's a bit bigger!
YANBU curlew at all! some very weird responses on this thread too!

motherinferior Fri 03-Jan-14 17:53:27

DD1 is very relaxed about her bodygrin it is a shock, really, how she is turning into a gorgeous young woman just as I finally decline-.

elvesavleftdabildin Fri 03-Jan-14 17:58:24

Now, if your DS was 20 and surprised you with an eight yo's set of bits ....................

Purplepoodle Fri 03-Jan-14 20:18:53

My ds's are all 5 and under; they like to sit and chat while I'm having a shower. Iv would lock the door but we only have one bathroom. I was wondering yesterday when I should start discouraging eldest ds from coming in the bathroom. Iv had the 20 questions about all my bits so he isn't really fussed now lol

deakymom Fri 03-Jan-14 23:09:45

felt the same way when my daughter got her periods and her bra its a thought going through my head im-old-im-old-im-old followed by when did she grow up? she is nearly as tall as me? she understands sex jokes and tries to hide it i saw her flirting the other day her dad went mental and showed her a live birth on youtube (she is allergic to latex so we think contraception will be an issue should she decide to copy her friends) she doesn't want a boyfriend any-more apparently

DD1 is 12 and delights in showing me every new hair under her arm and let's me know every time she has her period.

Her BFF also waltz around naked from bathroom to bedroom and they both feel relaxed and at home.

Great for when I'm having a all hang low very early wee

Nothing wrong with being naked in your safe environment.

nikkihollis Sat 04-Jan-14 05:49:48

I just think at some level we always think of our offspring as 'kids'. I really find it hard to believe that dd and her friends (most of whom I've known since they were primary age or younger) have careers now. It's not right! That some of them are married and that some have kids of their own just seems ridiculous In my head they're too young for all this even though that's not the case at all what with them being in their late 20's.

I think it can take some getting your head around your kids growing up or actually being grown up. To see sudden physical evidence that your ds is becoming a man, I could well imagine being a bit of shock. Of course we know they're not going to be little uns for ever but that doesn't mean it doesn't take us by surprise when these changes are very apparent.

DottyDot Sat 04-Jan-14 08:20:03

I agree - it's the shock. For 11-12 years ds just got gradually bigger but suddenly to be sprouting lots of dark hair everywhere is freaking me out! And he's suddenly broader and thicker set and his voice is getting deeper - all in the space of the last couple of months. This seems to be happening earlier than his friends and all our mum friends have commented to us about it as well so we're not the only ones in shock..!

Ds2 doesn't like it at all - he's 2 years younger but had always been as tall as he's built like a shed hmm but now has to literally look up to his big brother who's about a he's taller!

I know everything changes but they didn't tell us about this bit in the baby books...!

DottyDot Sat 04-Jan-14 08:20:59

I agree - it's the shock. For 11-12 years ds just got gradually bigger but suddenly to be sprouting lots of dark hair everywhere is freaking me out! And he's suddenly broader and thicker set and his voice is getting deeper - all in the space of the last couple of months. This seems to be happening earlier than his friends and all our mum friends have commented to us about it as well so we're not the only ones in shock..!

Ds2 doesn't like it at all - he's 2 years younger but had always been as tall as he's built like a shed hmm but now has to literally look up to his big brother who's about a he's taller!

I know everything changes but they didn't tell us about this bit in the baby books...!

DottyDot Sat 04-Jan-14 08:21:27

Oops. Silly phone...

dementedma Sat 04-Jan-14 08:57:38

Ds is nearly 12 and I haven't seen him naked in years.he's always been shy and private. But goodness he's getting tall and broad shouldered!
Can anyone recommend a good puberty book that keeps things fairly light?

Oh, I have an 11.5 yr old, and he is not really body shy (yet?) and saunters naked to the shower. He suddenly got " men balls", smelly pits and wide shoulders. It happened overnight and coincides with him starting to mockingly call me "Mother", or "Ma" or even address me by my first name.

It WAS an overnight change, I swear.

Still recovering from the surprise.

My baby boy. He is in Primary school so not allowed to start puberty yet!

I totally get OP!

SomethingkindaOod Sat 04-Jan-14 09:07:33

Why do they start to call us different things when they get older? DS has started to call me 'Muv' or 'Little Muv' for some reason, God knows where he got that one from. MIL almost dropped her cup when she heard him say it grin

I think it is to rub in that the power is shifting?

Thankfully I am over 6 ft, as that confers a psychological advantage

SomethingkindaOod Sat 04-Jan-14 09:17:03

That's probably it, he never says it in a serious way. it does make me laugh though, it sounds very Enid Blyton..
Little bugger's an inch taller than me now and he's the shortest one of his mates! When they all inevitably end up at ours mooching for food I feel rather tiny.

Oh yes, the food! It has gone mad.

Before bed time a few nutella sandwiches, a muller corner and a banana have become a standard "snack". And maybe a pint of milk with it. And half a packet of crackers.

misdee Sat 04-Jan-14 09:20:31

Shush.

My 3 year old ds is cuddling me on my lap.

He will not become all hairy. He is my squishy boy forever
<in denial>

It is a funny feeling , your children hitting puberty.

A mix of barely concealed pride, worry, delight and a sweet kind of sadness mixed with nostalgia.

Or something

misdee Sat 04-Jan-14 09:27:12

So as we get rid of stinky nappies with the small ones, my bigger ones will become stinky?

eurochick Sat 04-Jan-14 09:39:36

deaky supply her with latex free condoms when the time comes - they are quite expensive and not as available as the latex kind.

Faverolles Sat 04-Jan-14 10:11:52

"Actually- on a serious note- is it really that unusual to see your children naked?"

Loads of dd's friends have never seen their parents naked, one of her friends has never seen her brothers naked - even when newborn, and from when she could dress herself (about 4-5) has had complete privacy - her parents haven't seen her naked since that age.

Ds1 has commented that none of his friend's parents wander round naked (from bedroom to bathroom, so hardly wandering around!), or allow their dc in the bathroom when they are in there having a bath.

In all seriousness, I do believe it's healthy for children to grow up seeing normal bodies. In general, naked (or near naked) bodies on tv, in magazines and on the internet, will tend to be perfect, slim, toned, enhanced boobs etc, which is not normal for most people.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism Sat 04-Jan-14 10:30:47

While its great to be open about nudity - I am a nekkid mother type - its also fine to be private too. Ds is v shy about his body - wears trunks in the showers at school! - its just the way some people are, i think.

Mignonette Sat 04-Jan-14 10:37:59

I let my children see me naked until they reached the age where they became private about their own bodies. I took their lead. That doesn't mean I hide away in a room and scream hysterically if they come in forgetting to knock. It just means that none of us wander around naked although middle of the night loo trips might involve that.

It needs to be emphasised that being private about nakedness does NOT mean-
1) you are a prude
2) you are ashamed/see nakedness as 'wrong'
3) you are not open.

All too often people conflate them.

I asked them about it when this thread first arrived and none of their friends so far have parents that wander about naked (a couple said their Mothers would be seen in underwear and Father in pants). All of them said they didn't wander about naked either. One of them said that aggressive nakedness could be as problematic as being very inhibited in that 'I'm naked, deal with it' although he said his parents didn't do that.

I see 'wandering about naked' as something different to going to the loo/going from bed to dressing room etc. I'd not particularly want to see genitalia near the stove for example grin

dementedma Sat 04-Jan-14 12:51:45

I like your post mignonette, especially the 3 points.
we dont do wandering about naked in this house and the dcs have never seen me or dh naked. I dont see them naked either. the youngest is nearly 12, the dds in their 20s. We just arent comfortable with it and like our privacy.

BellaVita Sat 04-Jan-14 16:32:09

My two boys (nearly 17 and 14) still come into our bedroom when I have no clothes on and talk to me although when they get out of the shower they go into their rooms and shut the doors until they are dried and dressed. I always knock before I go into their rooms, they never knock before they come in to ours.

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