AIBU about makeup gift to 8yo DD?

(94 Posts)
stoopstofolly Fri 27-Dec-13 16:27:04

Just that really. Can't decide if I'm being precious or not. MIL bought DD (8) a MASSIVE makeup set. It's aimed at grown ups- black eye liners, red lipstick, dark nail varnishes. And it's MASSIVE (it's more makeup than I possess in total!). DD thrilled. However, I hate makeup on young girls. I'm not even that keen on them dressing up in it- especially as this stuff needs industrial strength makeup remover to shift it! I've said she cannot wear it out of the house, and needs to ask me before playing with it- otherwise I can imagine the trauma 10 mins before we're due to leave the house. School don't even allow clear varnish so she won't be wearing "vamp red" to school.
TBH I'm just peeved. We've had 3 rows about it already, her eyes are red from all the makeup remover and I just think it's an inappropriate present for an eight year old.
However, MIL and DD seem to think I'm unreasonable....

Contraryish Fri 27-Dec-13 16:28:28

I'm with you. There are some little basically harmless sets aimed at young girls which would be OK at a pinch, but I wouldn't let my 7.5 yo out of the house caked in slap either!

SantanaLopez Fri 27-Dec-13 16:28:50

Eurgh, a little bit of pink glittery crap is fine, but those colours are so inappropriate.

WipsGlitter Fri 27-Dec-13 16:29:26

Just take it off her.

WipsGlitter Fri 27-Dec-13 16:29:46

I.e. The whole set.

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 27-Dec-13 16:32:51

Bin it.

Nothing wrong with kids make up sets but sets like that for 8yo are not a good thing, small children should not use stuff on there skin that requires anything other than soap and water to remove

moldingsunbeams Fri 27-Dec-13 16:33:46

Dd is nearly 11 and only allowed lip gloss and maybe eye shadow for a special occassion. Nothing else.

nicky2512 Fri 27-Dec-13 16:35:20

I'm with you! DD is almost 12 and was bought a makeup set. I know lots of her friends use makeup but I just don't see why on earth anyone would think a 12 year old would need it.

stoopstofolly Fri 27-Dec-13 16:35:45

I was wondering if take it off her (which I'm desperate to do!) I could sweeten the blow by taking her shopping- she could choose a nice (age appropriate!) dress in the sales..... After all, it's not her fault MIL misjudged. I love my MIL usually- this is out of character. I blame a last minute Xmas twitch..,,,,

FlossieTreadlight Fri 27-Dec-13 16:35:51

YANBU - awful present for a little girl

WooWooOwl Fri 27-Dec-13 16:36:27

I'd be a little peeved too, but there is no point in you arguing about it. Arguing about it will only reinforce your dds idea that she loves make up.

In your position, I'd play with the make up with her, but make it clear that it is a toy to her. If it was a great big building made of Lego she wouldn't expect to play with it every whew she goes, and this doesn't have to be any different.

See if you can get her some of those pictures of faces that make up artists use to put make up on to show what they have used on their clients. Then she can play with it and try out different colour combinations etc on something other than her face.

She'll get bored of it soon enough.

Wellthen Fri 27-Dec-13 16:37:14

I would treat it as a play thing - it is for dressing up only, not actual wear. Treat it almost as stage make up, use the liners and darker eye shadows to turn her into a cat or dog and use the brighter colours to make her a clown, princess, insect etc etc.

If you act like its nothing, she'll become bored by Easter.

moldingsunbeams Fri 27-Dec-13 16:37:38

I didn't wear make up and my skin at secondary was brilliant while all my friends skins had much acne.

MammaTJ Fri 27-Dec-13 16:39:03

I bought my make up stealer 8 year old DD a little bit of cheap, easy to remove, mascara, eye shadow, blusher and lip gloss so she leaves mine alone.

I would not like my DD to have the set that you describe!

YANBU!

FunkyBoldRibena Fri 27-Dec-13 16:41:00

It would disappear overnight if that was my house.

mrsjay Fri 27-Dec-13 16:41:05

do you think she saw it in BHS grin and just panicked sounds like it , I would tell your dd it isn't really a younger girls set lets bin it put it away till she is older so you can keep it for best take her to claires and buy her something else,

FixItUpChappie Fri 27-Dec-13 16:41:37

YANBU - silly gift for an 8yr old IMO. I would put it away for a few years. Your MIL was unreasonable (and a bit dim) to not understand that parents have differing rules and values about makeup.

ErrolTheDragon Fri 27-Dec-13 16:44:52

YANBU, but I don't think I'd confiscate it. Does she have any age-appropriate lip glosses etc? If not, perhaps get her some 'in the sales' or for her next birthday.

Don't let her use any more eye make-up till her eyes are back to normal though. That's not about judging the appropriateness of the present, it's just being a good mother! Let her paint her toenails as much as she wants.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Fri 27-Dec-13 16:46:24

Ridiculous thing to buy an 8 yo for sure. I'd just do what you have been doing though. Let her use it to 'play with', let her put it on you, her, siblings etc if you aren't going out then clean it off later on. It wont do any harm occasionally.

oadcb Fri 27-Dec-13 16:46:31

Its completely inappropriate but I had to have same discussion about Dsd.

Idespair Fri 27-Dec-13 16:46:58

Yanbu.
I think if it had just been one little eyeshadow or one nail varnish, it would have been ok. But a massive set is ridiculous.

Spaulding Fri 27-Dec-13 16:50:50

YANBU. I had a little playset when I was about 9. Think bright green eyeshadow, lipgloss and pink blusher. I played with once, looked like a clown and that was that. I wasn't really interested in being girly at that age.

However, even though I came out relatively unscathed (despite now being late-20s and can't even pop to the shops without a full face of foundation, eyebrows and blusher) I wouldn't buy anything like that if I had a DD. She shouldn't be thinking about make-up and "making herself look pretty". She doesn't need any of that stuff. She had plenty of time in her teens to experiment with make-up. She's only 8. I'd bin it and offer to buy her something more appropriate. Your MIL might think it's completely fine, but she's your child, and if you think it's inappropriate then that's that.

stoopstofolly Fri 27-Dec-13 16:54:00

I do think it was a last minute twitch pressie. It is out of character for MIL! In fairness it was positioned as "dressing up" makeup. It's just that it's so adult and so hard to get off. I'm glad I'm not being precious about this- was wondering if my natural grinch like tendencies at Xmas we're colouring my judgement!

SantasPelvicFloor Fri 27-Dec-13 16:54:25

My exMiL would do that sort of thing. I think its thoughtless in an innocent way but you're left with the fall out. Why not let her have a day playing and try and bore her completely...with a vigorous make up removal regime involved

Then 'tidy' it away...

shelley1977 Fri 27-Dec-13 16:56:03

I think make up is fine once they are at secondary school if that's what they'd like. I'm lucky my little girl knows it hurts her skin and sticks to some nail varnish occasionally. My older daughter loves make up but didn't get any till she was 10 and then no cheap stuff as that brought her skin out in a rash.

Rachelx92 Fri 27-Dec-13 16:58:16

Imo 8 is way too young for a full set like that. I had the little glittery lipglosses at that age and very rarely wore them. However I did start wearing foundation and eyeliner around the age of 12 and looking back now that was too young. Especially walking to school I'd get a lot of unwanted attention shudders. Why don't you put it away or have a pamper evening one day where she can use it on you?

I'm going to go against the masses and say I think YABabitU, I don't see anything wrong with buying a make up kit for an 8 year old girl, as long as you state clearly it's for dressing up purposes, I don't see what the fuss is all about. My DD is 7 and got a gorgeous soap and glory make up set for Xmas, she doesn't slap it on like a harlet, she spends time dressing up like a princess or making her grandad look pretty, harmless fun in my opinion. Maybe you should relax a little and also I'd advise you invest in some baby wipes as I don't know any make up baby wipes don't remove including stage.

HappyMummyOfOne Fri 27-Dec-13 17:11:57

Could you ask her to trade it? Superdrug do a very cheap range with clear mascara, barely there lipgloss etc. That way she gets to play dress up and you know its far more suitable.

BeeBawBabbity Fri 27-Dec-13 17:17:45

I refused to buy my 11 year old make-up, so I don't think you are being unreasonable. I might let her next year when she's at comp.

SomewhereovertheRainbow02 Fri 27-Dec-13 17:21:33

Im with you Strawberry!
My 7 year old got a big make up set for christmas! I dont see anything wrong with it!
She uses it to dress up and leaves mine alone now in the process smile

shelley1977 Fri 27-Dec-13 17:22:49

YANBU I think make up is fine once they are at secondary school if that's what they'd like. I'm lucky my little girl knows it hurts her skin and sticks to some nail varnish occasionally. My older daughter loves make up but didn't get any till she was 10 and then no cheap stuff as that brought her skin out in a rash.

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob Fri 27-Dec-13 17:26:48

Yanbu. I would just explain that I didn't agree with make up on children and replace it with a more appropriate gift.

I don't like makeup on little girls either.

I like the idea of using it as stage makeup if she uses it at all - however I would probably be a bit more cowardly and interpret her red eyes as not from over use of make up remover, but from an allergy. <cough>

It's for dressing up and play only. That's what I would say but then I did buy dd who is 7 a set that was reduced in superdrug it has three lip glosses a shiny make up bag two glittery nail polishes and a face powder with a big brush. Looks a bit like benefit make up but was £3. Dd lives it but she knows she won't be leaving the house in it except for maybe nail polish and lip gloss for the school disco.

TalkativeJim Fri 27-Dec-13 17:40:39

Get rid.

'Sorry MIL. By the time we'd had three lots of remover on her face in one afternoon she looked like she'd rubbed chilli in her eyes. Definitely not the type of present that I think is going to work for a good few years yet!'

HoneyDragon Fri 27-Dec-13 17:54:40

My friends dd was bought similar a few years ago and same issues.

I told her if she was prepared to let her Mum bin it, I'd take her to the Body Shop and treat her.

We kept all the brushes from the set and binned it.

She had a great time being fussed over at the make up counter and left with a clear mascara, some neutral eyeshadows and lip glosses, we seemed to have a lot for about £25, including a brush that helped her get an eyeliner effect with the eyeshadow.

The man in the store even wrote down some YouTube tutorials for her to watch and explained that drinking lots of water and good skin care was better than good make up. smile

It got her into good habits which she has kept up.

FutureDreamer Fri 27-Dec-13 17:58:00

I'm in two minds. I dislike young girls in makeup and discourage it as much as possible, however I don't want to ban it outright for my 9 year old and have tried to adopt a casual approach to the subject so as to avoid forbidden fruit reaction.

A huge make up set would be her dream gift and in fact my dsis bought her one -although more aimed at children- and whilst it wouldn't have been my choice DD now thinks dsis is best aunt ever!

I tell myself there are worse things in life

SantaStuffedMyStocking Fri 27-Dec-13 18:06:15

Yabu it's make up, it washes off, can be played with for dress up etc. I've never had an issue in my dds having make up both dd1&2 (8&10) have loads of proper make up and dd3 22 months is sporting pink nails as we speak, no harm in it.

Iwannalaylikethisforever Fri 27-Dec-13 18:41:12

Are you serious Honeydragon - Why oh why makeup lessons for children ??? I would feel so belittled by a friend like you telling my child "let mum put it in the bin, I will take you to Bodyshop!" Can't the mum do that? Besides you are really saying my makeup choice will be better. But it's still makeup.
A bit if makeup is not a big deal if worn in the house.
If you really don't want her to have it. Explain why, and take it away. Don't store it "until she is old enough" it will be out of date.

Theas18 Fri 27-Dec-13 18:44:25

Act like its not a biggie. It'll soon be forgotten. The outrageously grown up nature means no rows over wearing to school etc after all..

It won't turn her into a tart and using make up, like anything else except bad luck and hormones, does not give you acne!

HoneyDragon Fri 27-Dec-13 19:12:38

My friend was happy with her playing with make up at home. She didn't want to give up the massive box from Argos she had been given. We were complicit in the idea before discussing it with her dd, so I fail to see how I was belittling her?

She loved the fuss, and continued to dress up and experiment at home. And, as I said I thought that chatting to her about caring for skin as she went through puberty rather than shovelling on cheap make up a great thing to say.

It was a matter of swapping her gift for something more appropriate to experiment with.

HoneyDragon Fri 27-Dec-13 19:14:04

And tbf my friends dd was a little older and some of her friends had started wearing make up to school discos and the like.

I'd put it away/throw it if you want - but maybe get her some nice 'grown up' make-up, clear lipgloss and very pale eyeshadow from the Body Shop? Along with some nice exfoliating stuff, so that she knows the importance of cleansing her skin properly whenever she does wear it smile

Joysmum Fri 27-Dec-13 19:18:23

Yet another thing that mumsnet seem horrified at but isn't any great shakes with good parenting to talk about why women wear makeup and what looks like a clown etc

Oh, and I don't wear makeup at age 40 because I don't need to or want to.

80sdrummer Fri 27-Dec-13 19:23:34

10 yo DD has a lot of make up and I hate it. She only wears it for dance festivals / on stage, and her dance teacher actually gave the parents a hair and make up tutorial for their last show to include foundation etc shock They need it because of the lights but up close they all look like something of BFGW.

OP YANBU, but if you make a big deal of it you may make it more attractive to her, I like the idea of treating it like face paints and making her into a cat etc

Snowdown Fri 27-Dec-13 19:25:30

I don't get the big fuss, dd loves playing dress up, loves putting on shit sparkly stuff, she's very girly and very innocent, she doesn't have sensitive skin, it's just a bit of make believe, no need to read anything further into it. I really don't get the extreme reaction to it on this thread. What's the problem?

exexpat Fri 27-Dec-13 19:28:55

I hardly wear make-up, but DD has been fascinated with the stuff since she was 6 or 7. She has had lots of little sets, but mainly things aimed at young girls - pastel colours, nothing that requires real skill to apply or could be dangerous (eg mascara and eyeliner - you don't really want small children poking around at open eyes).

I wouldn't be too fussed at your DD having some kind of make-up to play with, but it sounds like it's an inappropriate set. Boots are selling off all their Christmas gift sets at half price at the moment, and they had lots of little girls' make-up kits - I'd be tempted to switch it for one of those and put the original one in the bin 'somewhere safe for when she's older'.

Snowdown Fri 27-Dec-13 19:35:16

Dd(10) went to a party and came home with a grown up set of boots make up, she's had fun with it, wears it out sometimes...we don't tend to make a big deal out of it, I don't get into the girly stuff but my dd is the polar opposite and I don't wish to project my view of the world onto her, she has her own view on what she likes....and while all her pals at school are desperately avoiding all things pink as totally uncool she still has pink-love and I respect her for that - no peer pressure in fact quite the opposite.

I've already contributed to this thread (I'm of the YABU side) but I'm rather confused about the concept of adult/ child make up sets. What's the difference? I understand eyeliner is bit the best of ideas in a young ones hands but other than that I just don't get it.

Snowdown Fri 27-Dec-13 19:44:27

Even though dd plays with make up - applies her own, very badly and I'm fairly low key about it - I am a bit hmm about make up for dance events. My dn gets a spray tan and has her make up done professionally for competitions otherwise she'd get marked down, that to me is unnecessary and I'd be very uncomfortable with encouraging that sort of culture.

AlfAlf Fri 27-Dec-13 19:57:54

YANBU
But fuck, I don't now what I'd do in that situation, so unfair and thoughtless of mil to put you in the position of present police.. I know my 8 year old would have loved to get a set like that, and then I'd be the bad guy saying she can't keep it hmm In her letter to Santa she asked for nail polish, eyeliner, mascara, eyeshadow and lipgloss confused. She got nail polish, and a couple of more age-appropriate toys/computer games/sewing things also asked for.
Can you let her keep a few nail polishes and chuck hide the rest away until she's older?

shebird Fri 27-Dec-13 20:01:26

Is it's possible to take out the bad bits i.e heavy eyeliner and dark coloured lipsticks and replace with more neutral things? Chances are this is something she will forget about in a few weeks anyhow.
My DD 9 was given a Top Model make up colouring book for her birthday. It's basically a sketch pad with girls faces where you apply make up to the picture and use colour pencils to shade and do different hair styles. It is much better to experiment on a paper and keeps her happy for hours.

wonderstuff Fri 27-Dec-13 20:03:10

My gran got my 6 year old a make up set, my jaw dropped. I said dress up only, only when I say etc. then it mysteriously vanished..

Snowdown Fri 27-Dec-13 20:14:25

You know I think the more subtle make up is more weird. Dd putting big layers of badly applied blue eye shadow suggests role play. Subtle makeup suggests something more adult-like and I'm less comfortable with that.

NoComet Fri 27-Dec-13 20:15:27

For Fucks sake, I bet she loves it, let her use it to dress up and have FUN with, you know FUN, that's what being a child is about.

Take your stupid adult prejudices and put them in the bin.

At 8 she will soon get bored. She won't be very good at putting it on or taking it off, the less you fight the sooner it will end up gathering dust.

By 10 or 11 she'll do her make up well enough, you'll be halfway down the high street before you realise she has any on.

Honestly, make up, clothes and scruffy hair buns are best only noticed on school days. Even then I refuse to notice how many folds are in DD2s skirt and subtle make up. School can't be bothered to enforce the rules so I'm blowed if I'm going to (they have an hour on the bus to apply three times more war paint, anyway)

NoComet Fri 27-Dec-13 20:26:55

As for looking grown up, I'm sorry to tell you children do grow up, playing at looking grown up is part of that process.

And that is what they are doing playing at looking grown up, not trying to look sexy.

Even my 12y who has had a couple of boy friends, wouldn't get it at all if you picked a fight with her over her tendency to vest tops and shorts, with or without leggings under them.

She dances, she does gymnastics,as close to a leotard as possible is what she feels comfortable in. She'd also point out that her BAg have only ever seen her in informants.

NoComet Fri 27-Dec-13 20:27:58

Twating kindle
BFs have only ever seen her in uniform

trulyenoughnow Fri 27-Dec-13 20:44:06

Yep I'm with starballbunny. I have 3 girls, and honestly in the great scheme of things think just let this one go. Most 8 year olds will take a box of make up, apply it disastrously, go all heavy handed with the applicators, squash a bit in the carpet and then it'll be binned. I see make up for girls as an artistic medium more than anything else. Likely my girls will use a bit to make potions in the bathroom, a bit on paper top model books etc. They go crazy with it for Halloween or for doing their own little theatre shows. I wouldn't teach them to apply it 'properly' and I agree with another poster, there is something hideous about neutral make up perfectly applied on little girls, but IMO experimentation with clothes and make up is a fun part of growing up and self expression. We don't bat an eyelid in this house when ours come down caked in purple eyeshadow and glitter- they're fab girls. They customise their own clothes, they sew, paint, write, etc etc and have brains as big as planets, all of them. So much so that I like to think that they won't be corrupted by a make up box, or a barbie, or a pink tutu.

DizzyZebra Fri 27-Dec-13 20:47:12

I would be slightly annoyed yes.

My four year old plays with some of my make up but only the neon colours. We treat it as play and dress up etc. I wouldn't let her have 'grown up' make up.

She has sone glittery crap i got her which tastes quite nice. She is going to be annoyed her brother has been using it all weekend though...

I would treat it as play things and hope she gets bored.

DizzyZebra Fri 27-Dec-13 20:49:24

Agree with the neutral comments. When DD plays with it its all about putting as many bright colours on yourself as possible.

Sometimes she asks me to do patterns on her and i do neon stripes round her eyes and she laughs her head off looking in the mirror.

Coldlightofday Fri 27-Dec-13 20:50:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Coldlightofday Fri 27-Dec-13 20:52:20

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Coldlightofday Fri 27-Dec-13 20:52:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Coldlightofday I disagree with you that adults apply makeup to 'conform to a societal idea of sexy'. When I put concealer on in the morning it has feck all to do with sexy but everything to do with hiding my bags, I want to look awake not sexy. And I don't reckon I'm the only person who disagrees.

Coldlightofday Fri 27-Dec-13 21:03:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shebird Fri 27-Dec-13 21:06:59

So dressing up, mums heels or those plastic dressing up ones is also is also pretending to be a grown up - should parents draw the line there? My DD plays with make up when her friends come to play but does not wear it out. I prefer more neutral pinks etc just because it's easier to remove than harsh black eyeliner and it's also easier to remove from the carpet.

roamer2 Fri 27-Dec-13 21:09:34

I think people are really struggling to find what to buy for girl tweeners - given what dd has received - which isn't what she is interested in anyway - feel a bit sorry for her... Although she has some other good stuff.

Its abit tricky if your dd is interested in make up. Maybe ignore it and she will lose interest rather than making it a battle ground

Because thanks to my mother and father I was unfortunately blessed with ridiculously pale skin, when I have bags I look like a corpse. Hiding them makes me feel better, although I couldn't give a shit about brushing my hair or wearing matching socks. grin

Coldlightofday Fri 27-Dec-13 21:11:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Snowdown Fri 27-Dec-13 21:20:47

I knew a girl a university she was very clever, very funny but she never felt comfortable being a woman and she so desperately wanted to but she spent her life focusing on learning, dismissing the superficial things like make up and fashion - she never felt attractive - clever yes and loved by her boyfriend who eventually became her dh but she never felt like being attractive was something she was allowed to strive towards...there's balance to be had. I'm not saying an 8 year old needs to experiment with face paint but if she does - why do we demonise it so much?

It's okay grin I suppose I want to look 'normal' however that may be a little difficult as my partner and I aren't exactly on the usual normal scale. I often go through a variety of hair colours with piercings and tattoos, my partner is long haired and very heavily tattooed grin

Coldlightofday Fri 27-Dec-13 21:28:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stoopstofolly Fri 27-Dec-13 21:29:28

Some really interesting points here. Thanks for all the thoughtful comments. I know the makeup was only supposed to be a bit of fun, but I'd rather she spent her last few years as a child doing sport or reading or playing.... doing anything other than learning how to beautify herself and mimicking adulthood. I won't remove the makeup but I will discourage its use (and remove the black eyeliner!)

Snowdown Fri 27-Dec-13 21:33:31

And I am as far away from being pink and well groomed as you'll get but make up and pink are my dd's thing. I will not project my feelings of gender onto her, it's the way she feels and the way she expresses herself and as far as I'm concerned it's not right to tell her she is wrong. If she was a tomboy and refused to wear skirts etc people here would scream at me if I told her she was wrong to express herself in the masculine sense. Let your dd find herself for who she is, you meddle you risk an imbalance...she'll rebel or she back away in fear - neither are good for her.

There is coldlightofday I agree completely, but i just wanted to point out that applying make up isn't always about wanting to look sexy. There is only one man I want to look sexy for and it isn't with a full face of slap more often than not he finds me more attractive in my natural state (total mess) building Lego grin

Snowdown Fri 27-Dec-13 21:39:03

Is she going to spend years applying make up and nothing else OP, I think she can play, read and do sport while wearing make up or am I missing something?
Jeez I don't even like make up but I do think this is a load of fuss over nothing. Are you trying to keep children young, trying to protect them from growing up - make up is the blame - really? If your dc had a desire to grow up before her time, make up is not going to make much difference.

Coldlightofday Fri 27-Dec-13 21:47:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rosencrantz Fri 27-Dec-13 21:50:58

Bin it and get her a kids one, of shit play makeup?

Snowdown Fri 27-Dec-13 21:52:29

I think it's up to you as a parent to allow and encourage your dc to be the best they can be. My friend at Uni was lop sided - vy academic, very successful in her career but she did not feel like a woman and that was the first time I confronted the negative side of pushing feminism to the extreme, valuing nothing feminine. She was very sad and incomplete.

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob Fri 27-Dec-13 22:13:34

The thing is Women wear make up, Men don't. I would rather children remained children as long as they can.

Snowdown Fri 27-Dec-13 22:23:12

Wearing make up doesn't make children adults - wearing heeled dress up shoes doesn't either. Are we not a bit guilty of over thinking this issue?

Coldlightofday Fri 27-Dec-13 22:27:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoComet Sat 28-Dec-13 00:47:51

And it's pointless putting in make up to look 'sexy' as 90% of men wouldn't notice and 60% don't look above your chest

NoComet Sat 28-Dec-13 00:50:38

Make up and fashion are worn by women and girls to fit in with other women.

No boy would bully you for obeying the school rules as to make up and uniform, but DD1 has had some nasty comments from her female peers.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Sat 28-Dec-13 01:01:19

Lets be honest here. All thats going to happen is she will spend a few days making herself look hideous (because she is 8 and has no clue about make up) and will be so put off by continuously failing to achieve a good look tht she'll get bored and move on to something else. After seeing herself in the mirror for the first tome she will be far to mortified to even venture past the front door to let anyone see it.

In other words, calm down. The more of a fuss you create the more of an issue it will be. Act like it's no problem at all and she wont see there is anything to think about and will get bored very quickly, just as if it were a glittery pink shit one.

I do have to laugh at the logic of being ok with the glittery shit but not darker stuff. One is just the training set for the other, your MIL has just taken out the middle man an if you dont react it could well be doing you a favour by putting your pre teen off make up for far longer than the glittery shit would (beause of the hideousness of the outcome on her face)

Heartbrokenmum73 Sat 28-Dec-13 01:01:24

Why does the stage make-up argument always come up in these threads? All this 'oh, they must wear make-up or you won't be able to see them under the harsh stage lighting' bullshit.

And it is bullshit. DD did a week-long professional production last summer, with other children. In a proper theatre, with proper lighting.

They didn't put a shred of make-up on any of the children (I know because I checked beforehand and because there wasn't a trace of it on DD afterwards). It wasn't deemed necessary for the kids.

Guess what? They were all perfectly visible on stage and no one disappeared!

DD is now 12 and in Y7. She likes nail varnish (but not for school) and very occasionally a bit of lip gloss. Otherwise she leaves her face alone and looks like a 12 year-old, freckles and all.

She hates the older girls who turn up at school with a full face on, whether it's subtle or not - it still looks like a face full of slap on a young girl.

Heartbrokenmum73 Sat 28-Dec-13 01:04:29

Make up and fashion are worn by women and girls to fit in with other women.

Depressingly, this is true. But I'm teaching DD to be herself, not a sheep. And she's a proper little individual. Likes One Direction, but prefers David Bowie and Kate Bush (neither of which were my choices), can't stand Justin Beiber or Miley Cyrus - she sees both for the jumped-up little idiots that they are!

She also has major crushes on Slash, Rob Brydon and Peter Capaldi.

She is made of awesome grin

YoureBeingASillyBilly Sat 28-Dec-13 01:06:21

And fwiw my four year old regularly colours his face in with my deep red lipstick, it comes off very easily with a bit of olive oil. He even used permanent marker once which came off with baby shampoo.

Heartbrokenmum73 Sat 28-Dec-13 01:09:16

I'm more concerned with girls who can properly apply foundation/concealer etc by 11 or 12.

What the fuck? DD has no idea either of these things even exist, never mind how to apply them!

She has never heard of The Body Shop either - long may all this continue.

FrankAndFurt Sat 28-Dec-13 01:26:47

What a naff gift. It's a shame not all MILs and 8 year old girls read Mumsnet! They just think its a fun gift and don't understand why it's so naff.

If I were you, I would let her enjoy it but would ask that she use it under some sort of supervision. Let her play with it but don't let her go out with makeup on.

I would thank your MIL for the gift and tell her, that whilst you appreciate the present, that can she not buy it in future. I don't see this as that bad really. It's naff but it's not awful.

nooka Sat 28-Dec-13 02:17:00

My dd was given a set of make up when she was a similar age. I told her it was completely inappropriate and threw it away. She was very angry "you're not the boss of me!". I said that on the contrary I was indeed in charge and that there would be no make up going on for many years yet. The storm blew over in a day or so and she didn't express any great new desire for make up as a result.

She is now 13 and does not wear make up still. I cannot see any need as she is beautiful just as she is, and her friends that wear make up look much the worse for it. Every now and then she gets a make over from someone which generally she puts up with, but she is into being nerdy right now and so interesting t-shirts is about as dressy as she gets.

10/11 years olds should not be wearing foundation! Children have wonderful skin that should be left well alone. Generally the same is true for adults in my opinion. Make up for artistic effect can be great fun, but I didn't want my little girl getting into training for what I consider to be totally unnecessary expensive time wasting 'beauty' routines.

needaholidaynow Sat 28-Dec-13 02:31:18

All that cheap crap must make her skin all red and itchy! I hate those giant makeup sets from argos etc.. Bad enough for an 8 year old girl to use, but what adult would choose to go and get one for themselves? Hope she's not used any mascara/ eyeliner yet! Cheap shit will just make her eyes sore.

Caboodle Sat 28-Dec-13 16:01:29

Hum....a shame to chuck pressie from MiL, especially as you seem to have one of the (rarely seen) nice ones, but yuk. Has DD got one of those large doll's heads with hair (Girl's World? Am showing my age I know)? Could she use it on that? Then, once bored, gift can 'disappear'?

shebird Sat 28-Dec-13 16:26:49

I hate make up on little girls and teens and I often point out to my DD 9 how silly these girls look with orange faces and big spidery lashes. But I don't understand the anti make up brigade on MN.I like to wear a little make up every day for work and going out. It hides my dark circles and makes me look less haggard. I'm not really bothered about navel gazing into the deeper reasons women feel the need to wear make up. The fact is I look better with it in the same way I look better when I brush my hair.

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