Stop kissing my children

(42 Posts)
PissedOffInLancashire Fri 27-Dec-13 10:36:37

Another Christmas thread. I'm annoyed at my aunt, we are very close so I love her to bits but she can royally piss me off at times this is one of those times

We (dh, dd (3), and ds (8 weeks)). Went round to hers for Xmas, she had made a real effort as always and it was lovely but the first thing she said was I'll not kiss you as a have a cold sore. All very sensible.

The problem was she kept forgetting about the bloody cold sore and kept kissing my kids. I had to explain the cold sore virus killed an 8 week old baby this year and could she please be more careful.

She was more careful but still landed a few kisses on them and then said oops I forgot about the cold sore and just rubbed the spot as if that would make it better hmm

Well today dd has what looks like the start of a cold sore and I am livid. AIBU to think that a fully grown woman should have better control over herself and keep her bloody mouth to herself.

I have no idea how I am going to keep dd away from ds till here disappears. angry

grumpyoldbat Fri 27-Dec-13 10:38:50

YANBU

Booboostoo Fri 27-Dec-13 10:56:59

Bloody hell I would have taken the kids and left! I get cold sores as well but I am super careful, I don't kiss anyone, I don't touch my mouth, I take my utensils/glass away immediately so no one touches them accidentaly...giving someone else my cold sore is my worst nightmare.

I hope your DD doesn't have it and it's false alarm. If she does have it try compede patches, they can help a bit with preventing it spreading although I am not sure how practical it will be to keep one on a 3yo. What a nightmare for you, I'd be really pissed off with your aunt.

PissedOffInLancashire Fri 27-Dec-13 10:59:21

Thanks you two. Dh can't stand my aunt, I'm always defending her but she keeps doing stupid things like this.

Once she fed my dd 4 sugar lumps - she is not a pony angry

It's really hard to keep defending her when she acts like this.

BubaMarra Fri 27-Dec-13 10:59:27

YANBU. DD1 caught her first HSV which is the virus that causes cold sore when she was 11 month, so much bigger baby than yours. It was really nusty virus, she couldn't eat for 3 weeks. Fortunately, at 11 months she was big enough for virus not to cause something more serious.

PissedOffInLancashire Fri 27-Dec-13 11:00:55

Ooh thanks for the advice re compede

NinjaBunny Fri 27-Dec-13 11:09:37

Once she fed my dd 4 sugar lumps.

Any chance you can just visit her alone next time? She doesn't sound very 'child friendly'.

And do ponies eat sugar lumps? I didn't know that!

RedPencilPot Fri 27-Dec-13 11:12:58

Right, I've said this about a few AIBU posts this Christmas but you aunt is a total tosser.

Stupid bloody woman

PissedOffInLancashire Fri 27-Dec-13 11:23:52

Trouble is she's too bloody child friendly. Has no sense if control around them. Dd thinks she great (she feeds her non stop junk whenever she can).

The reason she kept kissing them is because she loves them, which is lovely but you need a bit of self control and mindfulness with a cold sore and she has none.

PissedOffInLancashire Fri 27-Dec-13 11:25:21

Oh I don't actually know a thing about ponys. Actually sugar lumps are probably as bad an idea with a pony as with a toddler.

Squidwardtenticles Fri 27-Dec-13 11:26:19

Sorry but I wouldn't be taking my children to visit her again if I was you. She could of put your 8 week old in serious danger.

CaptainTripps Fri 27-Dec-13 11:28:35

There is no excuse for the 'forgetfulness' (kissing). That is just plain selfishness and not thinking of others. I would have gone home!

NinjaBunny Fri 27-Dec-13 11:31:24

I'd have gone home too.

Not sure where 'loving' them comes into it.

If you love someone you don't feed them lumps of sugar and kiss them with herpes mouth. Sorry.

I do think it's time for your aunt and your children to part ways.

Noctilucent Fri 27-Dec-13 11:31:31

Sorry, but while YANBU in principle, YABU not to have taken your children home at the first sign of "forgetfulness".

Gruntfuttock Fri 27-Dec-13 11:39:37

YANBU. I would be furious. Maybe explain what happened to a pharmacist and see if they suggest anything. I do hope that neither of your children have been affected by this very selfish and thoughtless woman. It's a very serious thing and I'm angry on your behalf.

soontobeburns Fri 27-Dec-13 11:47:41

Im not defending the aunt but it is an easy mistake to make.

I get coldsores but if my OH was to it can leave him in hospital and he gets them very badly. Due to this I cant kiss him or anything when I have one. Yet sometimes I accidentally do and forget.

its not like you have a neon sign, sometimes you do get caught up in the love and forget you have one.

Nanny0gg Fri 27-Dec-13 12:10:59

How old is your aunt? I have to say, eating sugar lumps was a favourite 'treat' when I was a child, and I do occasionally succumb now...fblush

However, there is no excuse for the kissing and if your DD is unfortunate enough to actually develop a cold sore I hope you tell your aunt exactly the consequences of her thoughtlessness.

neunundneunzigluftballons Fri 27-Dec-13 12:23:03

Ahh that is really not fair of her. My dd is walking around with a cold sore and she is at pains to tell everyone she cannot kiss them because of it and she is 5.

PissedOffInLancashire Fri 27-Dec-13 13:05:50

Well I've popped a compeed patch on her. Not sure how long it will stay on she keeps licking it. Will have to keep reapplying it.

Still not sure if it is a coldsore but its not looking good. I'm now going to spend the next 2 weeks keeping dd away from ds and all other children sad

HOMEQCRICH Fri 27-Dec-13 13:18:53

I don't know too much about cold sores but my friend gets them and when its in 'full bloom' there is no way she could forget about it! They really hurt and make her miserable. Once they start to heal are they infectious?
I am not excusing shitty behaviour you are not being unreasonable at all I am just hoping that this is the case.
My SIL just' diagnosed' DN with a cold sore and it was impetigo.
I hope it turns out ok.

HOMEQCRICH Fri 27-Dec-13 13:19:51

I don't know too much about cold sores but my friend gets them and when its in 'full bloom' there is no way she could forget about it! They really hurt and make her miserable. Once they start to heal are they infectious?
I am not excusing shitty behaviour you are not being unreasonable at all I am just hoping that this is the case.
My SIL just' diagnosed' DN with a cold sore and it was impetigo.
I hope it turns out ok.

raffle Fri 27-Dec-13 13:28:31

I'm another one who can sort of see how this happened. If my Mum ever got a cold sore I would have to ban her from the house, as there is just no way she could be in the company of my boys and NOT kiss them. She is the most kissy/cuddly person ever, and even with the best of intentions I know she would just forget.

I would be cross, but wouldn't hold it against her.

PissedOffInLancashire Fri 27-Dec-13 13:33:51

raffle I think that is the problem she is very affectionate and just automatically kisses the kids. I'm sure she will be devastated if she's given dd a coldsore.

I would have removed the kids from her house but she has had it for we'll over a week so I was hoping it would be less infective. Plus I didn't want to be the woman who ruined Xmas.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas Fri 27-Dec-13 13:58:07

Huge points to her for actually recognising the lethal potential of cold sores....its just so sad she couldnt restrain herself, I would have problably left after the first kiss and said it was a risk I didnt want to take.

I have relatives like this, when baby was born into a horrid winter with noriviurs rampant and all sorts of flues going round, and mine took it personally when I said can you wash your hands before touching my days old baby, always shoving poky fingers at her bloody mouth!

I wouldnt have minded if they could just hold her or look at her...but it was always shoving the fingers at her mouth...so stupid.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas Fri 27-Dec-13 13:58:36

well if she has I think she needxs to know.

PissedOffInLancashire Fri 27-Dec-13 14:04:34

zevite oh don't get me started on people poking their fingers into babies mouths.

I had to wrestle ds of a random stranger at a party who was trying to stick her fingers into his mouth. One of dh's relatives was holding him and they past him on to this distant relative who just loves babies. I swear people who love babies are the worse.

Got to tell my aunt soon that dd has a coldsore, not looking forward to it, aunt will be gutted she has past on the virus but I need to tell her.

Gruntfuttock Fri 27-Dec-13 14:11:54

It's just awful. Once your DD's contracted the virus it's a lifelong thing, not just a one off bout of pain and discomfort. So dangerous for young babies too. Given the seriousness of the consequences I would find it very hard to forgive tbh. As a poster said above, even her 5 year old knows that she can't kiss anyone because she has a cold sore, so your aunt should have been much more protective of the children she's so fond of.

PissedOffInLancashire Fri 27-Dec-13 14:15:36

I just don't know how the hell I'm going to stop dd giving this to ds. Really hoping the compeed patches work but shes only had them on for two hours and is on her second one already.

rumbleinthrjungle Fri 27-Dec-13 16:36:10

...who risks giving a three year old a cold sore? Not just the discomfort of one but the lifelong thing! Argh, I'd have gone mental, that's phenomenally selfish. Poor dd. YANBU at all.

NinjaBunny Fri 27-Dec-13 17:07:53

8Once your DD's contracted the virus it's a lifelong thing, not just a one off bout of pain and discomfort.8

Really?

So you have it for life?

That's really serious then! Why on earth did she do it? Does she have a nasty streak?

sad

PissedOffInLancashire Fri 27-Dec-13 17:25:01

Yes it's lifelong.

No she doesn't have a nasty streak just wasn't thinking.

Ilikesweetpeas Fri 27-Dec-13 17:31:16

Ahh, so sorry for your your DD, and hope she is ok. Your aunt was really thoughtless. I agree that you must tell her she has passed it on. My DH has cold sores from time to time and is so careful not to pass the virus onto us. Zovirax really helps him so maybe see if than be used with young children.

Willdoitinaminute Fri 27-Dec-13 18:15:29

Just to reassure you PissedOff you can only develop a coldsore if you have already had Primary HSV. The virus remains dormant in the trigeminal nerve ganglian and coldsores develop when your body is stressed or the immune system is busy fighting colds or other infection.
Most of us contract Primary HSV during childhood. Symptoms include high temp and multiple mouth ulcers. Not everyone suffers with coldsores. I had primary HSV as a child but I have never had a coldsore.
If your DD has a coldsore it will not be as a result of contact with your Aunt.

brokenhearted55a Fri 27-Dec-13 18:51:22

Willdoit that would stand to reason.

my mother has had cold sores all of her life including when I was a child.

ive never had one once and she frequently kissed me etc.

ineedanexcuse Fri 27-Dec-13 19:00:19

I have a cold sore but its only the second one I have ever had.

I am well over 40 and know no-one else with one. I think I got this one because I have had a run of poor health and lots of stress recently. I let it run its course and it seems to be clearing okay on its own.

I would not kiss anyone apart from DH,its too late for that though.No point in risking it.

Holdthepage Fri 27-Dec-13 20:27:08

I have suffered with cold sores all my life, when my DCs were young I made sure I never kissed them until the cold sores had gone. It really is inexcusable for an adult to do this.

Minnieisthechristmasmouse Fri 27-Dec-13 21:27:28

I get one extremely rarely usually just after being very stressed. Once it starts you cannot over look it. It's a very specific pain. Niggly. It makes you aware if the spot it's arriving at all the time, like straining a muscle somewhere obscure.

Your aunt is an adult. Stop excusing her behaviour. It's lazy not love. You cannot love to much. You can quite easily be lazy.

fallon8 Fri 27-Dec-13 21:31:44

Stop being so precious,,,have you thought about wrapping the kids in protected clothing?
Ponies love sugar lumps and polo mints

Earlspearl Fri 27-Dec-13 22:18:57

Zovirax can shorten the life spam of a cold sore I've heard

VeryExasperated Sat 28-Dec-13 00:53:50

YANBU. She should have been more careful, but it would be very cruel for children and her to part ways. She may have to be reined in firmly in future, though.

Booboostoo Sat 28-Dec-13 10:22:53

fallon8 that is a pretty irresponsible comment. Cold sores can be life threatening to young babies under a year old, and quite annoying for everyone else. Also they can spread to other parts of the body - I can't imagine it's easy to teach a 3yo not to touch her mouth for the duration!

I still think your aunt was grossly negligent OP. If she really could not remember not to kiss the kids she should have postponed the visit until after the cold sore, most last about a week anyway.

Booboostoo Sat 28-Dec-13 10:24:00

Sorry just to add. If it is a coldsore it might be worth asking your GP if there is anything that can be done for DD given her very young age. The first outbreak can be quite big, with multiple sores all over the lips. I wouldn't give Zovirax to such a young child without checking with a GP first.

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