Why does my DIL not behave badly

(50 Posts)
ginslinger Thu 26-Dec-13 16:55:53

My DIL comes to us for christmas and mucks in with everyone and she doesn't stop me picking up my grandchildren. In fact, she has just had a really nice chat with me and thanked me for her presents. Where am i going wrong? Why can't we have a festive row like everyone else.

BIWI Thu 26-Dec-13 16:57:00

Where did it all go wrong, ginslinger? <shakes head sadly>

As a MIL i think you are to blame for this. If she's thanked you for the presents she obviously liked them - you should buy her dreadful presents instead smile

Gossipmonster Thu 26-Dec-13 16:58:05

She has probably bitched about you on here all day today wink.

ginslinger Thu 26-Dec-13 16:58:15

I even got her to do some last minute shopping for me because i hadn't been very well. Did she complain? Did she buggery.

ginslinger Thu 26-Dec-13 16:59:18

No chance for that gossip - i had her chained to the kitchen sink - she can bitch tomorrow fgrin

Amrapaali Thu 26-Dec-13 16:59:54

Did you try telling her to breastfeed if she was FF or vice-versa? That usually works...

LadyBeagleEyes Thu 26-Dec-13 17:01:00


ginslinger Thu 26-Dec-13 17:01:55

Oh i never thought of that! Good idea

Your DIL obviously doesn't know about mn...keepnher away!

All you need to do is whisper in your GC ear 'Mummy doesn't know what she's doing, listen to granny and I'll give you chocolate & presents' and you'll get your row grin

Utterly Thu 26-Dec-13 17:04:44

Try criticising her cooking but massively over praising anything she has shop-bought ... you could maybe treat her like a walking womb and not enquire after her if she has already produced grand children ... duplicate presents for the children knowingly ... repeatedly cancel all trips to her house you have arranged after she has done all the hard work? All works a treat, I can assure you!

insomnicat Thu 26-Dec-13 17:08:48

Hello MIL smile Waves xx

What kind of Mother In Law are you? Not one thing you can row about?

You've let yourself down, you've let her down but most importantly, you've let Mumnset down.

::shakes head more in sorrow than anger::

I get on fabulously with my MIL, I must be a sore disappointment to her...

ImperialBlether Thu 26-Dec-13 17:11:27

Just patently ignore her. When she asks what the matter is, say that you just can't get past what she said at her wedding. Never clarify what you mean but say the fact she's pretending not to know tells you all you need to know about her character.

That should last a good few years.

Lweji Thu 26-Dec-13 17:15:07

<patiently waiting for the thread about the MIL who chained the OP to the kitchen sink>

She's probably faking all her niceness and is a bitch at heart. Call her on it.

Lweji Thu 26-Dec-13 17:16:38

Ah, tell her long stories about past events that you have told her 100 times before and don't ask her once about herself, or your grandchildren. And keep complaining about every one else. And your life.

wheretoyougonow Thu 26-Dec-13 17:18:05

Charge her for Christmas dinner. That will soon cause some upset grin

SchnitzelVonKrumm Thu 26-Dec-13 17:20:10

I have this problem with my MIL. It's almost as though she wasn't put on this earth to piss me off.

Lweji Thu 26-Dec-13 17:21:45

Charge her for Christmas dinner. That will soon cause some upset

I bet she wouldn't be upset, either. The bitch.

Anniegetyourgun Thu 26-Dec-13 17:24:47

I've got one of those DILs. Sweet, witty, artistic, sensible, cooks like an angel, diligent with the observances like cards and thank-yous, recently produced DGS who she encourages us to cuddle regularly. She's definitely up to something. Nobody who is genuinely that nice would have got themselves shackled to any son of mine.

Me too Scnitzel. Just can't get the mothers in law these days, can you?

callamia Thu 26-Dec-13 17:28:50

I sympathise. My mother-in-law is kind, generous and doesn't mind that I've spent more of Christmas sitting on my arse breastfeeding a hungry baby rather than do anything useful or helpful. She also keeps bringing chocolates and cups of tea for me.

It's like they've not read the in-law manual.

Tweenangst Thu 26-Dec-13 17:30:31

This thread wins mumsnet tonight!

ZingChoirsOfAngels Thu 26-Dec-13 17:30:48



you are hilarious!

ginslinger Thu 26-Dec-13 17:33:45

Well now there's something definitely going on because she only offered me a bloody chocolate. This can't be all my fault

Lweji Thu 26-Dec-13 17:35:32

She wants you to get fat and diabetic. shock

ZingChoirsOfAngels Thu 26-Dec-13 17:37:13

is it organic fair trade chocolate though?

ThreeWisePerpendicularVinces Thu 26-Dec-13 17:37:22

Gin, I think you need to start wrestling the pram off her whenever she goes out, and loudly and passive aggressively judge her parenting. On the small chance that this doesn't work, buy your DS a car for Christmas and give her a used toilet roll.

Otherwise, you've let us all down.

MajesticWhine Thu 26-Dec-13 17:48:07

You should have have put more effort into criticising her parenting, and filled your DCs stockings with tat you bought at a car boot sale,
tossing aside the stocking fillers she had carefully chosen.

ZingChoirsOfAngels Thu 26-Dec-13 17:53:27

did you fail to start a conversation about your ex-student who is a bomb-disposal expert just as she said "come on kids, let's open some presents!"

did you miss endless opportunities wind her up by telling her ever so often that her kids are fussy eaters?

did you or did you not sing your other DIL's praises - especially on topics she is not interested in or has no way of changing

did you or did you not make comments about her weight - including twice comparing her to a very morbidly obese elderly relative then pretended "that's not what you meant"?

hmm? are you a mouse or a MIL?

ginslinger Thu 26-Dec-13 18:11:22

Well i don't think it's all my fault. She started it by being nice to me!

ThreeWisePerpendicularVinces Thu 26-Dec-13 18:16:44

It's a poor effort gin. If you want it enough, you can have an argument by the end of the evening.

SledYuleCated Thu 26-Dec-13 18:18:02

I'm worried I won't be able to ever marry my current DP. His DM is far too lovely. Bought me a really thoughtful preset and was the perfect host when I went to visit.

What should I do?

How dare she?!?

ginslinger Thu 26-Dec-13 18:20:31

Well i understand if you tell her she can only spend 5 mins with her first DGC and only after it's 3 months old and providing you and your DH are in the room then tat might help things along

ZingChoirsOfAngels Thu 26-Dec-13 19:05:22


you need to start simple.
hint at things like how to boil the kettle.

or how to butter toast while explaining why your way is better.

then you build it up until you have figured out how to make her feel that you blame her for bad weather or unemployment.
be subtle at first, with just the right amount of passive aggressive - once she is suitable on edge it will be time for direct insults.

and for the coup de grâce get your son not only to get involved, but to take your side.

that will learn her! and you'll get your sweet revenge and much coveted arguments!
trust me, you can do it, it's not too late! We're all rooting for you!

mwah ha ha

You're a disgrace, an aberration. Get off Mumsnet and go somewhere for happy families. We want bitterness and torture at Christmas grin

lola88 Thu 26-Dec-13 20:39:48

I said yes to MIL taking DS for 2 days over the holidays... she's even allowed to cuddle and feed him!!! Bet she's fuming smile

ginslinger Thu 26-Dec-13 21:01:44

I'm sorry i've let everyone down. I shall resign fr the good of MN

Do you call her children "my babies"?
Is she looking after your son properly? Shirts ironed, tea on the table when he gets home from a hard day's work?

Just some suggestions. Feel free to ignore.

Thegrinchishere Thu 26-Dec-13 21:09:55

I have just done the same to my mil. I tolerate her.... Keeping enemy's close and all that wink

AwfulMaureen Thu 26-Dec-13 21:20:48

I feel the same about my MIL. She is annoyingly reasonable, kind and thoughtful. In fact, it's dawned on me recently that after 12 years of her being my MIL....I love her! How bloody DARE SHE make me love her!?!?

ThreeWisePerpendicularVinces Thu 26-Dec-13 22:50:59

If she ever has a cold or flu, you could insist upon visiting for a protracted amount of time, not do any housework and make everyone go out for a meal?

dancingwithmyselfandthecat Thu 26-Dec-13 23:05:45

You got off to the wrong start. You clearly didn't compare her unfavourably to you DSs previous girlfriends when they first met. You clearly supported their wedding plans and failed to turn up in a wedding dress. I presume it never even occured to you to turn up the day after shed given birth and demand feeding, while making comments about how she was spoiling the baby.

Its too late now. Do you have other sons who are still single? I'd focus on them...

ginslinger Thu 26-Dec-13 23:14:05

I may have to insist that DS divorces her and marries again so i can do it all properly

Jux Thu 26-Dec-13 23:27:19

You could make comments like "oh aren't you going to do x" a second before she is obviously going to do it. That works quite well if you're persistent with it.

ImperialBlether Fri 27-Dec-13 00:19:36

Tut, Jux, she should be saying, "You're not going to do x, are you?" just before she is doing it.

It's far more effective.

ZingChoirsOfAngels Fri 27-Dec-13 14:36:12


the thing is, if you can't come up with ways to irritate her at least you should research the subject. MN is a good start - just study all the MIL related threads and take notes.

you could, for example, the next time you visit her ask that she sticks a suppository up your arse. grin


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