To ask if your DH/DP works a 70 80 90 hour week - what exactly does he do?(191 Posts)
I often read posts on MN where women mention their husbands/partners working very long hours and wonder what jobs they do that entail such long hours.
So I thought I'd ask.
Works in IT for a start-up
Most of the long hour workers I know are bankers and lawyers but we are in London.
Mine is a teacher and is head of department. His normal week is is 70-80 hours.
Dairy farmer. It's not for the faint hearted. He started at 4.15am yesterday. He had 25 mins at home at lunchtime, then 2 hours at dinner time. He then went and calved a cow. Rolled home and into bed at 11 pm. He's already gone to work now. And will be there tomorrow at 4.15am again.
Dh does 2 jobs and both are min wage ish so combined they often end up at the 70 hours.
He used to work that as a head teacher though and is so much less stressed now
Runs his own IT company.
Regional Manager of national company, Accountancy background. Sounds very grand but it's not really and the pay reflects the 35 hours contracted not the additional 30 hours he puts in
There are a fair few women on here who work similar hours too!
I do - Management Consultant.
Oil refinery, he can work anything from the basic 38 hours to 80 a week!
Erm....I'm not a DH or a partner but hours like that are not unusual to me - Chartered Structural Engineer
Off shore oil rig engineer. I wish he did not work the hours he did.
I'm a woman so don't know if I count but I do hours like that, I'm a lawyer.
I used to but not since we had the kids.
I now do 3 days a week, but I work 12 hour days - in mining.
So Mining and Banking, we sold our souls - but we got quite a good price.
We both do those sorts of hours - I'm a construction consultant
OH - lecturer and doing his own research, and forest work at weekends.
Educational consultant, Creative Management consultant, builder, project manager. He thinks if he stopped working he would die. About the only day he has off is Christmas Day, when he visits his parents.
My DH is a director in a large financial company. The hours he works are crazy.
University Professor with a spin-out company. He works 70-80 hours plus, 6 days a week and is often away.
DH is a builder so does 7am-6pm 5 days a week. He's also a retained firefighter so most weeks he's on call as soon as he gets home until he goes to work and most weekends. So technically he works 24 hours a day but 13 of those are sat at home waiting for a pager to go off!
DH is a Chartered Structural Engineer and does hours like that. My record is 93 hours when I was Resident Engineer on a big construction project, I'm a Chartered Civil Engineer. Now we have 3 kids I am contracted to do 29 hours per week, don't usually do more than 35. DH long hours have continued though, some weeks the kids barely see him at all. The only good thing is he works 5min from home so at least we don't have a shitty commute to contend with as well. That's mine to deal with!
I often wonder though, why people work these kind of hours though... how can it be possible? For some is it an ego thing? An avoiding going home thing? I understand the likes of the dairy farmer etc, but for the average office worker, if you're working double the normal hours, then something is wrong with your time management, or there are serious shortfalls in the management of the company as a whole
When I'm not on mat leave, I work those kind of hours as a university lecturer. I can easily do 10 hours a day, and frequently work on weekends.
Area Manager for a restaurant chain.
Software consultant in his own business.
We set up a couple of small businesses together then he got a short accountancy contract which was too good to pass up. So at the moment he's doing a standard 40 hours a week doing that, two hours on our businesses most evenings plus he'll often work 1-2 days through the weekend. He still gets up with DS at night as I juggle looking after him all day with a 20 hour work week.
It's tough but doable but we're planning a lovely holiday when his contract ends and have promised each other that no fights count unless the thing we fought about still seems important after the holiday!
My DH is a teacher. The work is never ending, but he is an Assistant Head. He line manages a department and oversees Child Protection and Transition on top of teaching with the usual planning / marking.
MD for hotel group. He works long hours 7 days a week but his phone and emails are on ALL THE FUCKING TIME...... Bitter?.....me?
Regarding why - o/h loves it. He loves being active, loves the variety - he retired from his day job just over a year ago. He loves making money, frankly. It is all he is interested in. I would love to do more with him but he is a pita when he isn't working. He can't even watch telly for longer than half an hour without getting twitchy.
When I worked as a Deputy Head I worked 70-80 hours a week. Necessary to get everything done.
Long hours aren't necessarily to do with poor management. In my case it makes complete economic sense for my company to have fewer lawyers and work them harder. It doesn't mean they aren't arseholes for slaving me to death but it's not irrational on their part.
DH owns his own garage, he is first there and last to lock up. He is there til three today and back in on Friday. He says that while the place is locked up, the bills still need paying and his employees still want their holiday pay etc, so takes very little time off.
Emergency Services (his shifts can run on)
My sister was a bar manager - she used to easily do hours like that.
Much of hubby's work is travel. I count the time he is out of the house rather than just his working hours, as even if he's not working whilst he's away, he's not here with us.
Akachan I think OP may have been referring to posts where people are paid for normal hours and work the additional 20-40 hours without additional pay. In which case I agree there is something very wrong with the structure.
My DH is a military pilot. His hours are crazy - away for days and weeks at a time but also required to put in face time when he's in the country. He often reports at midnight to go away for a few days. We can plan for nothing. I don't know how he does it.
Stickysausages I agree with you. I just don't get it at all. When do all these people enjoy the money they have earned? When do they get to spend time in their nice houses? More importantly where is the time to spend with family and friends?
Neither an OH/DP or a DH seeing as I am a woman who works those hours. Executive Producer in TV.
As others have said, it's not 'avoiding home' or 'ego' that results in these kind of hours - budgets are ever decreasing whilst expectations are ever increasing. Teams are smaller but we still have to deliver. But as the PP said, my bosses aren't slave drivers! And I bloody love my job.
We do it for the money and DH is also a workaholic.
Always has been, always will be.
I accepted it long ago.
DP is a s/e architect, regularly works 70+ hours, I think a lot of s/e people need to put the hours in in order to keep their businesses going!
DP technically works two jobs. He does office work for his employer, then does overtime in their warehouse.
MD construction co. it is very much expected of him but he does also love his work.
DP writes about sport, mainly football and the hours are pretty long. He starts at 6am on website stuff and often works til gone midnight at night matches or on stories for the paper. When there's a tournament like the World Cup on he'll be away for six weeks and work every single day of it. He works when we're on holiday too. Bloody football!
For me it is seasonal and all to do with external deadlines.
I work for a charity that delivers local authority contracts and at this time of year all the LAs are tendering contracts for a 1st April start. If we don't meet the tendering deadlines, we don't get the work, end of. There's no negotiating. I've been working 70hr weeks since the beginning of Nov.
It calms down a bit after April, when I go back to working a normal 37.5 hr week!
We're both doctors; Before my mat leave we never saw each other.
Not an ego thing or home avoidance but our rota dictates that we do long shifts, then you can guarantee that just as we're finishing some emergency crops up.
Management consultant - why does he work the hours? It's expected, he enjoys it, he wants to do the best job possible, his clients demand it and timescales demand it and he's ambitious and works hard for promotion.
My dp is a chef and typically works 70 hours a week although it's more like 80 this time of year. Hope the other chef widows on this thread get to see their dp's at least a little bit over the next few days!
Why the assumption that only men work these hours? DH and I both work 70+ hours. We're academics. We do both find our jobs really interesting but would like a bit less stress and more sleep
Engineer - call outs and emergency defects mean he can be out 18+hours per day i i also work around 70+ hours but can do approximately half from home. I run the engineering business my husband works for.
Works for himself developing software
Gas engineer/Plumber. Buggered if we have a cold cold spell. I've seen dh get the bus and walk to jobs to allow people to have heat and be warm.
He's working boxing day. Told him this morning he should have taken today off and he wishes he had now. We could have had 2 days together instead of one busy one.
We both do similar hours some weeks and it's because our jobs are global (marketing) so it's flights taken at 7am or 7pm and evening work dinners that ramps up the total. I am more like 60 hours than the top end though.
And don't forget sometimes it's counting out of house hours which includes 10 hours of commuting each week for many.
DH runs his own design company - it's still only him and his subcontractors so he could work 24 hours a day, every day unless he physically forces himself to stop. I did similar hours when I set up as self-employed. Very hard to find the balance when you've no safety net of a pay cheque.
Next year, Rodders
I used to work those sorts of hours when I was a lawyer, pre DCs. Great salary, until you calculate it on a per hour basis .
Chef. Self employed. It's not an ego thing it's a if the chefs not there the food doesn't get cooked and we don't make any money thing.
Groovee - am smiling at how lovely your DH is to make such an effort to fix people's heating. He sounds like our plumber, who is a very nice man who I am very grateful to be able to use.
My dh works as an accountant in a bank and I genuinely believe it is poor management that keeps him there for those hours. Like when he gets told at 4pm about a meeting requiring a presentation at 9 the next morning. Nobody knew about it until 4pm . Plus the ridiculous face time he does (emails from 4pm with amazon links etc when at his old job as really there was nothing more to do but nobody can leave until 6pm)
I work in a similar industry. I leave at 5 most days unless we have a major deadline and then rarely past 7. I always meet my deadlines but I work efficiently and quickly. I don't do face time, ever. I have rarely found this a problem.
It's true that when you work out your hourly rate it's not so great. Our dept secretary often complains that the academics earn more than her. But when you take into account that she works 30 hours a week, and we work 70+ and use most of our annual leave to do research, she gets a better hourly rate than we do
My dh usually works 45 hour weeks but at certain times in projects (he's an engineer) he does 90 hour weeks for up to 6 weeks at a time. It is part of his job but he does get a lot in overtime for it and his usual working hours are more flexible than most.
My oh is a nurse
Not a ego thing at all unless of course you would prefer if he jumped up while someone was passing and simply told the family well my shift has finished
Also people do hVe bills especially if you live in London you might as well earn 50p as the average wage down here means nothing
If oh was a nurse up north we could easily afford a 4/5 bed house down here that same wage wouldn't buy you a one bed
My DH doesn't, I do at busy times of year. Accountant. I like my job but would like it better if I could spend fewer hours doing it.
DP designs kitchens for high end hotels in the UK, Middle East and Europe, he works mad hours and has to fly to many different countries but he leaves early so that he gets a few hours at home with our family.
When we worked his hourly rate out, it wasn't far off what I earn doing 4 days a week at four hours! Shocking really but he's excellent at what he does and sometime he enjoys it ha
Dh does. He is an engineering manager
He still has projects to work on as well as man management so the days that he spends in meetings he then spends the rest of the night doing the project stuff.
He works 8-6.30 then 7-12 most days and also ad hoc through the weekend
Dh works these hours and is a lawyer. He absolutely loves his job. I think these sorts of hours are normal nowadays. He gets real fulfilment from his job and it pays well. I often wonder what jobs people have where they an actually leave at 5.30! I can understand if you had an unskilled job in a shop where you work shifts you can stick to the hours.
Hmm. Most people who 'work' those kind of hours are greedy bastards who put money above human connections or have some kind of obsessive issue I would think. I don't know if those count as job titles.
Isn't it actually illegal to work over 60 hours a week? I think often people do it to avoid other responsibilities (looking after kids, housework, etc) or because they want a lifestyle beyond what is needed for comfort. I have worked odd hours, but never chosen to put it before my other responsibilities, as I think that is a bit pathetic tbh. Maybe A&E doctors/nurses would have a reason to work longer hours, but no one else's job is so important that they should be failing to take time for other roles they should be playing. Even for those, actually, it's usually dangerous and ineffective to work so long and they become inefficient and too stressed to work properly. I can get a lot done in the 37 hours I'm paid for, though I do occasionally go over, but not more than 50 hours a week even when I've been working quite intensively (though I don't count reading out of general interest around your work as 'working' really). Also a lot of people who work long hours are actually just sat about chatting in their office for many of those, which is ridiculous!
My boyfriend is a lawyer and doesn't work anywhere near 70 hours but is pretty successful, so it's definitely not a job requirement (that's in Scotland though, suppose city types like to pretend their job is so vital they can't ever leave the office).
I used to when I was a Civil Engineer. Long long days out on site.
Now I teach part time and have my own business so still work long hours but more of them are at home, which is nice.
Director of financial company. His phone, email is always on. Often gets up at 5 to work.
Has a work ethic that I don't share.
isn't it actually illegal to work over 60 hours a week?
Hahaha! Only in some jobs. Until I had dc recently I worked in the film industry and my record was 104hrs in 7 days. I can assure you there was no sitting around chatting going on!
Hmm. Most people who 'work' those kind of hours are greedy bastards who put money above human connections or have some kind of obsessive issue I would think. I don't know if those count as job titles
Really? Where is your documented evidence of this?
My husband does a 40 hour week, as a teacher 75-80 hours is a normal week for me. At peak times I do more. Nothing to do with greed or avoiding my family , it is what is needed to get the job done - even then it is not fully done.
I would rather work fewer hours.
Don't bite, Ribena. The points aren't well thought out. Just ignore
Dh is a commissioning engineer, he is contracted for a 50 hr week but often works over this as he can't pick emails or receive phone calls on site (bad signal) so has to sort these at home. He has a new job in the New years working 40 hr week, we are quite looking forward to it, it will be a novelty.
Second the University Lecturing hours. I worked that FT. I'm now part-time but am too scared to count up the hours I work and don't get paid for.
I was an accountant and later management consultant. Those hours are easily achieved when you are up against deadlines.
before we met; DP was an IT engineer, had an evening job fixing TV's and videos and a Saturday job making furniture
he was a workaholic
We both dropped out and live in France, both burnt out.
Busy but not stressed now.
My dad was a hospital consultant, used to take on extra lists to help out colleagues and be on call - i barely saw him when i was a child. Now he is happily retired and lives in the sunshine!!
Both DH and I do easily 60 hours plus, but a bit of that is out of the office , doing emails etc. Both in telecoms , both in a company that restructures a lot (fewer people!)
Money good and very flexible. DH works from home a lot so can do nursery drop offs/ pick ups. My site is open 8am to 9pm 7 days so it's easy to work around children but also means I'm available between those times if something happens.
Man, Fudgeface, I feel sorry for you. Bunnymother is right, lets not bite.
My OH does 50 hours (give or take 7) each week; he chooses to and likes it; the money is good, he likes work and has worked hard to get to that point. I don't work, so we see each other often enough - I'm semi-medically retired and he doesn't need to work those hours; I'd never make him and he's been doing it before we were together.
If you live in london you need to work hard to live anywhere. Fudge - Hardly for a posh lifestyle, dh earns six figures but we live in a tiny 3 bed terrace! Always chortle on location location where people are saying houses aren't big enough and they want way more and they have a budget that wouldn't even buy a studio flat in London. Those are the people who are into lifestyle and want to have nice things!
When I was growing up my Dad was a design engineer and everyone left at 5 or 5.30pm. Same for my uncle who was a banker. If I recall, it was during the 80s/90s that some people chose to work longer hours so that now it's the norm in many jobs.
I just wonder why so many people prioritise work over seeing their children. And I'm not talking about people who genuinely have no choice in the matter.
IT consultant - senior position. Just Finishing up a 99hr week
Self employed tradesman. 7-8 6 days a week and then generally a few hours on a Sunday too.
and he is very good at his other roles! father/partner/son/brother/friend etc etc ..... Ffs.
Respect to you and your husband Lady!
Mine has his own small company. He works ALL THE TIME!!! You wouldn't believe how hard it is to get decent employees who are happy to play fair.
but where does he find time to be a good father if he's working a 99 hour week?
DH works designing & implementing mobile phone systems, both here & in Europe. Tiny Company, currently doing 2 jobs (he is currently technically his own boss!). Works amazingly long hours but kind of misses it when it goes quiet.....
I do the hours because I have the school holidays free with the children . I am also able to stop work at 6pm and gave family time and then start work again when they are in bed.
I often work those hours - anaesthetist. 10h days, plus on call shifts one weeknight a week and one weekend a month - those are 24 or 48h shifts.
It's not home avoidance, or ego. People don't get sick, need surgery or have babies 8-6. I'd love to say at 3.30am "you can't have your epidural, I'm in bed" but sadly that's not an option.
I started training before I met my husband and had my children. Now I work those hours because the job demands them and because as I was the higher earner, DH became the sahp - made more financial sense. I'm too far entrenched to retrain as anything else, too specialised to shift to a different area of healthcare let alone another job entirely and we are now dependent on my salary for the mortgage, bills and current lifestyle.
Does that make me a greedy bitch who puts money above family? I would say not, but DH and I are fairly comfortable with our choices.
Banker. Thank goodness for FaceTime - at least the kids get a reminder of what he looks like during the week.
It's not illegal but you do have to sign an agreement to work more than a certain number of hours in a week or day. If you don't sign this, they can't legally make you.
He works solidly all nigh, sleeps for maybe an hour at a time. Me doesn't always work that much but it's not uncommon to do at least 80 hrs.
He gets paid very well, he's a contractor so when this one is up he'll probably take something in London which will be a lot more money for less work, atm he's very local which is the opposite because I've had some mh issues he's been supporting me with.
Atm he leaves the house at 5am, works until 7pm, has an hour to eat/play with the kids then works until 3/4am then sleeps.
It's no existence really but it won't be for long, he copes very well on little sleep and the kudos he'll get for this project will apparently be well worth it.
He's an incredibly proud man who won't put his name on something half arsed.
He works at home a lot and is always happy to spend 5 minutes here and there to talk to the kids/me. It balances out because there are times between contracts where he'll be 100% here.
DH is a hosp consultant (A&E) and works long hours / shifts. Frequently in during the night then works all the next day.
I'm a doctor too - pull the same kind of hours. Nothing to do with crap time management. Sometimes (unless completely heartless) you just can't leave.
Not quite 70 hours...but DH works around 60 hours, 7am - 7pm (sometimes 8pm) 5 days a week.
He's the store manager of a very large chain retail store. His contracted hours are 40 but like a pp suggested it's not out of choice he works extra. He has to oversee/authorise so many things - deliveries, shifts of his 50 + staff, the store accounts, any complaints that come in etc.
If there's a massive problem and tills aren't adding up or he's just had 5 staff tell him they won't be in tomorrow he can't very well just fuck off and leave them to it because ultimately he's responsible. He's also a few times (I think about 6 in the last 3 years) had a call out in the middle of the night because the store alarm is going off and he's the key holder. So off he has to go at 1am and do a walk around with the police/fire service to check all is ok.
My brother is a chef - the hours he works are crazy!!!
IT for a financial services company. He doesn't always work very long hours in the office, but he's always answering and dealing with emails from when his eyes open in the morning until bedtime.
Some high profile jobs demand these sort of hours (at Director level for example) and I guess it's the price you pay for the salary.
I think some people who work PAYE in offices don't realise that there are many jobs which simply have to involve long hours.
Some projects cannot be broken down into smaller tasks so they can only be done by one person. I recently agreed to design and build something and it meant working 7 days a week for 5 weeks. I allowed myself two Sundays off though so I didn't get worn out.
Managing Director of a global import/export trading business. Which also means he travels a lot, particularly to the Far East a lot. But his taking three weeks PL when baby is born in a weeks
fingers crossed time. Yeeeaaaaa
I suspect my hours are fairly standard for a profession- or so I am always being told on each "teachers don't know how great they have it" thread.
Have never signed any agreement about my hours, precisely because these hours are the norm.
Trying hard to ignore Fudge's ignorant, deliberately provoking stupid post .
Also funny that OP seems to think it's only men who work those kind of hours!
In this instance though it is my DH who works silly hours, he is an IT Consultant for a big American company. He wil do 3 months of silly hours, abroad most of the time and then might have 2 weeks working from home. So we don't see him at all and then we have him here all the time!
Very hard to plan anything and I can't really go back to work properly due to this but it works for us. Not greedy or ego driven (or selfish bastards...).
He's very good at what he does, enjoys it, is naturally a very hard worker so whatever he did he would do it to an extreme degree.
He would absolutely loathe working 9-5 up the road, drive him mad with boredom !
Oh and it does pay well which does help soften the blow and will please you to hear Fudge .
ATM enginereer. He is expected to work longer hours but he needs to to bring home a half decent wage. His hourly rate is shit.
Can I add that I also did 50/60 hour weeks before ML. I worked on a global business in M&A specialising in development.
My DP works as hard as he does so he's now in a position to have a lot of say about his contract.
For instance he has a 'no overseas travel' part, which is a godsend, plus he can chose his pay (within reason) and he hires and fires his team etc etc.
The aim is to be in the property ladder in 10 years time so the children have some security.
Dh works approx. 70 hours a week. Sometimes more, sometimes a bit less. He is a teacher.
Just read Fudges post. That post really is a bit naive, ignorant and bitter.
Fudge as with Belize DH and I are both well rewarded for our roles so I guess that puts us in your greedy city
even though we live in Yorkshire stereotype who care about nothing but cash. Merry Christmas.
Head of desk in a shipbroker. A certain amount of his working hours are spent
in the pub on client entertaining and there's a lot of travel as he is often asked to give client presentations/conference talks all over the world, so it's not all desk-jockeying.
He likes his job and is good at it. He's a bit of a workaholic too, and likes the salary that comes with it. I also work FT, sometimes long hours, and I like earning a decent wage too. <ignores provocative post upthread> We're all motivated by different things and there's nothing wrong with part of one's motivation being money.
Long-distance lorry driver.
Navy officer - emergency planner/crisis manager type role. He works more when shore based than he does on a ship, even though he's technically working 24/7 when he's away when he's home it's more reasonable but this posting (and the last) is 8-8 in the office plus permanently being on call. He's on Christmas/paternity leave right now but if he's needed he has to go back.
I used to work that or more as a nanny because the parents were investment bankers and pulled 70 hour weeks in the office plus travel.
Fudge your post reads like you don't have a very wide world view.
I've worked those sort of hours before. Not every week, but definitely at least once every two months or so.
I work in advertising. Sometimes when we're on shoots it can take 12-16 hours for one day's shooting. If it's a three day shoot, that soon adds up. When you're in the middle of filming and you've hired a studio, actors, camera men, director, producer, etc, and they're all there working their arses off to meet the deadline because you can only afford to lay the crew for another two days; you can't just down tools at 5.30 and say 'right that's it, I'm fucking off now. See you tomorrow.'
Of course none of it's important in the sense that we're not saving lives or changing the world or anything. But when you're part of a team and something just has to get fucking done. You pull together and do it.
*pay the crew.
Never lay the crew. Always a bad idea!
Fudge is typical of those people who do things a certain way but just cant conceive that this might not be appropriate for other people.
We should just leave people like that to their tiny limited life and let them wonder when they cant obtain certain services why a 35 hour week isn't sustainable in many professions and workplaces
DH works in London for an IT company. His hours are 'flexible' - in reality this just means he needs to work until its all finished. Given that he is currently doing the work of 3 people that equates to 13 hour days plus carrying on working at home, including weekends...
Captain barnacles I hear you on the phone and emails thing! Drives me potty!
When not on mat leave I am a doctor. I will probably go back part time but previously easily clocked up these kind of hours, often as a PP said due to some emergency occurring 5 minutes before the end of your shift.
Those of you who have dhs who work those hours are you SAHPs? It isn't sustainable for a family for both parents to work those hours.
My husband usually works fairly normal hours, 40-50 hours a week, I think.
I know lots of couples who are both teachers and I don't know how they do it.
No I am not a SAHP. I am on ML at the moment but I intend to go back full time after ML. We are fortunate to be ale to afford adequate childcare though. I understand I may not feel the same when baby arrives but as t stands I intend on going back.
My boss and her DH have three Dc and oth work long hours. Obviously I dot live with them but it has worked out for them over many years.
Dear Fudge, I would love to see you try to run a multinational company in just 37 hours per week. And, guess what, we live in Scotland too.
Marlena yes, I will be a SAHM once our baby arrives. I do know couples who both work these types of hours; they're typically reliant on live-in childcare. I wouldn't say it's unsustainable - it's not the way I'd choose to do it, but it works very well for them.
We have a home help/ part time nanny. We could not cope without her
MarlenaGru You just have to make it work, luckily i can work from home after a 40 hour office week and DS is old enough to know he needs entertain himself while i work and he does give me a hand with spreadsheets or route planning occasionally.
Mainly we rely on my
fecking amazing DPs to help with the slack but they are early 50's and seem to enjoy being around for DS, equally DS loves spending time with them so it works for us.
I love my job, yes DH could technically give up his job and I could support us both but we enjoy working and have an arrangement that suits us and DS.
to all those who have family who are working over Christmas, I've seen quite a few posts on this thread which look like you will be separated from loved ones this Christmas and probably a few more to come.
DH does occasionally - he works for a company who make computer software, and if they're getting a game out to a deadline, it's all hands on deck when there's a rush. But it's not week-in, week-out. I am full of awe at people who manage that, as he gets exhausted.
One of his good mates has two small children and still loves this job because it's flexible despite the long hours. So I guess it's that trade-off.
Dh worked a 60+ hour week as a Mechanic. It was a 24 hour garage, plus they did break down cover - so often on call on the evenings too.
Senior position four one of the big four accountancy firms.
He can leave at 430 for a meeting and not be back until 9pm.
A normal working day in the office is leaves at 630 back at 7/730
Somtimes he does not see our two children awake for two or three days. It is like being a single parent durng the week. He is often too tired to be much company or help when he does get home.
We do email each other. He will ring to speak to the kids if there is an issue so they know he is still involved even though he is not there.
I am a SAHP of four years. I dont know how I am going to get back into work. Going for coffee, the groups, the shopping its all so banal after a while and its easy to drift....
I have no family nearby
I am not assuming only men work those hours. As it's mainly women who post on MN, often complaining about lack of help with child care/housework and dealing with in laws and citing their DH's job as the reason he doesn't muck in, I was asking them about the roles their DH/DP has which involves such ludicrously long hours.
No judgements, just curious.
DH works in IT and regularly does those sorts of hours. He does quite a lot of it from home though. Many years ago I used to work a 70-80 hour week. I worked in PR and I absolutely loved my job! It didn't feel like work and quite a lot of it was spent entertaining
buttering up national journalists in restaurants that I could have never affored on my own. Sadly the role was not compatible with raising a family but I sure did enjoy it while it lasted!
Yes hetty youve just remined me that a while back I did the 60 hours weeks as a head of department in asecndary school and Dh had lovely flexi hours of 30 per week.
So kind of a role reversal. I think you are still more likely to find men dong those hours with women working part time or not - sadly this still reflects the inequalities in work life balance options for families and the job market.
Marlena, yes I am at home, just wouldn't work otherwise. I'm more than happy with this arrangement though, we both are.
Contract for 56 but can do up to 70
Police officer in a specialised, dedicated unit. Not unusual to work 70-80hrs a week.
When we have children (fingers crossed, we're TTC) my OH is going to be a SAHP. I'm sure it is possible to both work long hours but we would find it hard to afford the childcare I think.
belize we have the 'traditional' arrangement it works very well for us as family and a couple its clear cut. Much more so than when we both worked full time (in demanding roles) with one DS.
However this doesnt always work for me as an individual - outside my role of being mum/partner. i am studying for a nother degree but it is hard.
He's a lawyer with clients all over the world. The time zones don't fit into a 9-5 day. I used to work those hours pre mat leave at times. I now do 3 days a week
Dh does some weeks, I do some weeks. He works in insurance claims - so after the last lot of flooding he drove 1000 miles in the week to be on site to get people back on track after devastating damage, leaving at 6, getting home at 9 then working evenings.
I work for a medical device manufacturer and go on site to hospitals, visit our engineers etc. A lot of overseas travel, and a day can start at 3.45 to get a 6 am flight, home at 10pm
My dh works in events security. He can often end up working those kinds of hours especially during summer and Christmas where he works 12 to 16 hour days 7 days a week but it calms down at other times of the year and he's more likely to work a fourty hour week. I just wish the busy periods weren't always coinciding with the school holidays.
DH is a financial portfolio manager and works crazy long hours, usually putting in some at weekends.
I'm doing my PhD and work pretty unforgiving hours too.
I'm an academic and work these hours. In my case it isn't poor time management - I wish, I am super-efficient! - but the fact that I have too much work, plus if I want to be promoted (or even just to keep my job) I need to do research in my spare time. My contract isn't specified in terms of hours but in terms of my specified duties and teaching contact hours - but the amount of prep/marking admin etc that you have to do per contact hour is hugely variable and can be many times the number of contact hours. My department has chosen to understaff to save money so I cover the workload of several people but this isn't reflected in my actual contract so I can't do much About it. If I say this to my manager he just ignores it - there's a presumption in academia that if you can't take the heat you're weak and on the second track (esp if you're a woman with children) - you will quietly be marked down for non-promotion. Our department expects women to take up the admin/teaching slack, normally.
Wish I got paid a banker salary for this and had a nice house! In reality I can't afford even a studio flat of my own. Anyone reading who is thinking of becoming an academic - take note!
Yes, why the assumption that it's only men who do these hours? Why not say what sort of work requires these hours or demands these hours?
BertieBowTies yes you normally have to agree to opt out of the Working Time Directive but there are lots of ways to get around that. My contract pretends I should be within the WTD but in reality because I'm contracted to do tasks rather than hours the specified duties just aren't really do-able within a normal working week. Eg. you can contract someone to give X number of lectures or tutorials but if the time writing them isn't included, or, eg. marking work for the tutorials, then in practice the hours overspill a normal working week.
Accountant for an oil company. I've joked in the past that I'd get him a sleeping bag so he could just stay in the office.
I used to work ridiculous hours when I was a full time teacher. I'm now contracted to work 21 but in reality work about 35hrs in an average week.
DH is a chef. Contracted/salaried at 40 hours but works 60-70 hours per week, not including his commute. He doesn't get paid enough for the amount of work he does.
Dh used to do 60 hours week as the Chief Exec of a medium size charity. 70 hours week in summer is pretty typical as a consultant ecologist, esp if you do newt and bat work.
Lawyer ("magic circle"), international clients, loves the work (most of the time), loves the money. Very good at mucking in with housework and childcare despite long hours though (he's a homebody and also adores spending time with DD).
I was a SAHM and have only recently gone back to work 2 days a week. And that's purely because my youngest has just started school.
DH is a workaholic but when you are responsible for paying a lot of other people's salaries, well it does tend to mean you end up working a lot of hours.
My DH is an accountant and the tax return deadlines are looming. Some are 31 December, others are 31 January and late returns get a fine from HMRC, which gets interest and further fines added on the later you get. These fines would soon bankrupt a small business.
DH will be working at least 12 hours every day except Christmas day including weekends for the next 5 weeks. It's impossible to complete the work earlier as many businesses don't finish their yearly books and records until now, so their tax returns can't be done sooner. Good luck to all the other accountants out there!
Another with a DH in construction here. Own business, fantastic reputation, finds it difficult to turn work down. He has always worked like this since he was a teenager so he sees nothing wrong with it and I sometimes have to remind him that he has family responsibilities which fall outside providing for us all financially.
We have just been through a phase where he wasn't home much before 10pm every single day for two months. It's hard going, for me too, but allows me to work part time and look after the children so a trade off of sorts.
Very senior consultant with global role for an international telecomms company. I never see him and we pretty much have zero communication. The hours he spends physically in the office are not that bad, but he works at home all day Sunday and very often until midnight every night. He is frequently away.
TBH it's all utterly shit. There's other crappy and stressful stuff going on, but DH is always too busy and stressed with 'important' things to devote time and energy to trying to make things better. I've more or less given up and I'm wondering what the hell I am doing here.
Goodness, this thread is shocking. I had no idea so many people work such awful hours.
You need to work in insurance in London! I hardly ever worked more than forty hours, and I was on £50k. Easy job, fair bit of entertaining, minimal stress. Loved it. I was just 29 when I left for maternity leave.
My DH in a far more senior position, but still within insurance and in London. Earns six figures. Works hard, commute is tiring, but nothing remotely like 90 hours a week. More like 70, inc two hours a day commuting.
We both do long hours - it's a mix of holidays, and working from home in evenings and weekends. Ds will start nursery when he turns one though so it's not long term.
Lawyer again , clients always setting ridiculous deadlines which involve v long hours , plus as dh says you are only as good as your last deal , very competitive market place .
In the summer months he will do 80-100 hrs.
Winter is a much more reasonable 60 hr week.
He works most weekends and all bank holidays including tomorrow. As it's our own business he rarely switches off - we'll go out for a meal and he'll be thinking about the next big opportunity.
Pre kids I also worked similar hrs as a farmer. I've scaled back since kids as 2 people can't work those hrs. He can't work those hrs without my support!!
To be honest though we love the life - it doesn't feel like work when you can take the kids to sit with dad on the combine.
IT consultant (programme director).
Has worked his way up through the ranks over the last 25 years, right from the bottom technical ranks (programmer) and could probably cut back to a "normal" 40 hour week if he absolutely wanted/needed. But that would be very very difficult to organise logistically (conference calls/timezones/expectations) and he wouldn't want to, he loves it.
And I wouldn't want him to, because it's a rare thing to enjoy your job and whenever we genuinely need flexibility it's there (working from home, day off at short notice) and the benefits are surreal.
I love that DH loves what he does, that he's good at it, and it doesn't impact our family life too much since when he's home he's very involved (more so than friends and family whose working parent works 40hrs a week in some cases...).
Dh works 70+ hours and I am a SAHP.
It works for us, if I worked it wouldn't improve our lives much, he enjoys his career but I never enjoyed mine. He's there when I need him, when the kids need him, he doesn't play golf or disappear off to football matches at the weekends and if I wanted him to work less he'd change jobs but his work is part of who he is, part of what makes him tick, part of the man I fell in love with and that's ok.
DH is teacher, no idea what hours he works, but he's at work 8am-4pm, picks dd up from nursery, then starts work again after she's gone to bed - About 7-midnight. If he's got marking that can take all weekend. Most teachers I know take on extra roles which bumps the hours up.
I'm on mat leave, but I work for my local authority. My hours are fairly flexible, but I can easily work 50-60.
Used to work upwards of 70+ before kids.
My family own/run their own businesses, so they basically never stop working. They have responsibilitys to their employees as well as themselves.
I used to work long hours, as a teacher with a senior leadership team post. 10 hours in school five days a week, another 2 at home four nights a week, 5 - 7 hours at the weekend. THis would then go up at busy times such as report writing, consultation evenings or when going through SEN processes. When I would work in the holidays (probably about half of the weekdays in the holiday periods) I would go in for 5 - 6 hours each day.
Following maternity leave I now work pt as something different and my life is so much better!
DH - long hours as a city lawyer.
Another head chef here. Min 60-70 hours a week plus work at home. In the past it has been much worse than that, he's had to do 100 hours before a day off. They work incredibly hard.
I'm an HR manager & regularly do those sorts of hours
I have a boyfriend who's a head chef and I don't see him very much. At the moment he starts at 10am, finishes at 2/3am and gets no breaks. It's a horrible job imo.
Not DH but I'm a PA and have worked for plenty of Directors, MDs and CEOs who put those hours in fairly easily. You just need to chuck in travel, conf calls and meetings into the mix for the hours to start eating into evenings and weekends.
If you're getting a 7am flight from LHR you're talking about leaving the house at 4.30am. Long long long days for my guys. It tires me out just thinking about it all.
Trouble is, the expectation is for me work like life depends on it too...
Musician and producer. Travels for gigs every weekend, is hard at work while everyone else is playing!
DH does as an electronics engineer in the aerospace industry and to counteract the poster upthread, he still manages very well as a husband, father, Akele of our local Cubs and does all the manual work needed for his mother on Sunday afternoons. He's a workaholic, certainly doesn't do it for the money, the pay is crap.
Both Dh and I can work 70 to 80 hours a week, we run a small retail type business and have to work these sort of hours to stay afloat. However we have a large house, a nice car each and two children in private school. Some may criticise our choice of lifestyle but we hope the hours we put in now will give us a nice retirement fund and security for our children which is something mine and Dh parents could never do.
It's nothing to do with being greedy. My husband as a lawyer earned a reasonable amount but as he had clients paying him to do work for him he had to stay and do the work. As someone said up thread if you worked it out per hour it would not be so much.
As a GP my days are long. I work 1 full day of 11-12 hours and 3 half days of 6 hours. There is so much paperwork to do that you can't leave.
Husband is a lawyer (partner in one of the big NYC firms). Hours vary between 50-80 hours, depending on deals. I have been a SAHP for the last two years, doing some freelance editing when time and inclination permits.
My SAHM friends are mostly ex bankers and lawyers who also worked 80-hour weeks, but had no option to go part-time once they had kids.
I used to before I had DC - Retail Management. Only got paid for 39hrs but if the work needed to be done then it had to be done, and the buck stopped with management. I stopped when I had DS1 after I realised I'd been averaging 60+ hour weeks whilst 8 months pregnant and everyone was treating it as a rational thing to do... (it was Christmas though - summer wasn't quite as bad) It was okay when it was just me (and DH) but I didn't want to do it with the DCs.
Dh is an offshore (and sometimes onshore if he's lucky) engineer who works up to 80 hours a week or more.
I'm the one that works the long hours around here- I'm a psychiatrist and my husband is a SAHD. Some weeks I only work 48 hours, sometimes I'm up to 60-70 hours depending on what's happening. You can't just get up and leave when someone's telling you they're suicidal! It can easily take a couple of hours to fully assess a patient and get a management plan sorted for them- often a lot more if you have to detain them, organise a transfer to a different hospital, etc. so if I start seeing a patient late afternoon I can end up there for ages. Sometimes I do a weekend on call which is Sat 9am-Mon 9am then work normal hours the rest of the week (inc all day Mon)- might barely get any phone calls all weekend, other times I am out all day on Sat and Sun seeing patients and am up during the night giving advice over the phone. It's nothing to do with being greedy- I don't get paid more if I stay late unless I do a locum shift (very rarely happens here). When I was more junior I did 7x 12 hour shifts in a row every 10 weeks. Did get a few days off after that though.
Refrigeration engineer - installations, maintenance and repairs of commercial refrigeration, freezers and air conditioning.
When he's quieter during the winter he works about a 60 hour week, in the summer it's 80+ hours.
Cyber security manager. He often has to go abroad to work too and when there works in the evenings with clients etc so then the hours are even longer. He gets paid good money but not loads, and as others have said doesn't actually earn that much per hour. He works as a consultant too and some jobs take weird turns which means he ends up earning about £4 per hour. If he could work less and earn less it would be better, but the job is that amount of time or not at all. And as he actually could not do anything else we are stuck with it. Unfortunately it means i have had to sacrifice any idea of a job for myself in the near future.
There will never be equality when someone questions about DH/DP's working hours - what about females in the workplace ? dH and I both often very long hours as our jobs require it (one accountant , one Consultant). We both have excellent time management skills and have (hopefully !) raised our DT's successfully !
We both work long hours, DP is a consultant in a hospital, I am a pharmacist in the same hospital.
It's not greed related,
it's just selfish when people get critically ill and need their drugs/operations in the middle of the night on too of normal shift work there's on calls too and it's nothing for DP to work 12 days in a row, doing at least 12 hours a day.
The reality is, these long hours are the culture within the professions we have chosen. Even when we have finished for the day, there is always paperwork to be done and then training and study to increase our skills further.
We chose these jobs as we love helping others, today a patient told me I had "made their Christmas". Having a complete stranger tell you that is pretty much the best feeling in the world!
We have dc, it's a logistical challenge. We have an incredible childminder and take turns to pick up/drop off so we can each start early at work. We could just stick to our contracted hours but the NHS is so squeezed that if everyone did this, things just wouldn't get done.
A consultant. Also has own business. I worked 70 hour weeks myself, pre-dcs, as a lecturer.
I work long hours too (I'm a woman). As a student nurse I'm required to average 40hours per week on the ward. On top of this I have assignments, an achievement log to complete and studying for exams. To pay the bills I also have a paid job. I regularly hit 80hrs per week. As I'm low paid though it means I'm lazy, stupid and apparently don't work very hard. Nice to know I can add greed to my list of crimes against humanity.
Oh I have dc too, so a house to run as well. I have 3 days off this week first run of days off in 3months. I know this is probably selfish but since I rarely get time to sleep or enjoy myself I'm trying to spend time with DC and get some me time while they're sleeping.
Runs his own printing company, also only managed 4 days off in the last year. It's shit when the guys he employs earn more than him for 9-5. But I must look at the bigger picture, he ploughs every penny profit back in to grow the company and it will pay off in a few years, I'm told.
My dp works in retail (low level/big chain) and is working 70 + hour weeks at the moment. Might die down post jan 2nd though.
I don't have a husband but I work those kinds of hours.
I'm a performing arts (and a couple of other subjects) teacher in a boarding school.
1) I love it
2) It provides my children with a decent lifestyle, free house and almost free private education.
Oh, and 3) The holidays!
I have no idea what that involves so don't ask
Dp works in media (mainly TV) some, weeks he can be at work almost constantly for days on end. Normal weeks are about 50 hours.
This thread has been great for me to read as amongst our friendship group I am the only one who's H works these kind of hours. Senior PM in a blue chip company, gets lonely sometimes, however he is an amazing father and all downtime is spent playing with his Son and it means we will be mortgage free soon which will then enable him to drop back in the company to get a bit more time off.
Blueberry, your post stands out. I think you need to brace yourself for the fact that in all likelihood, your DH will not stand down in a few years time. Those that get in to very senior positions do not do it completely for the money, it is more than that.
Dh is an electrician. We run our own business employing a few others. He does all paperwork most evenings and any call outs.
However he loves it and talks and probably dreams electrics 24/7
Barrister. I used to work those kinds of hours too but when we had children we decided it was only reasonable for one of us to do it for their sake and I had a more limited career flogging Eurobonds and was coming to the end of it so I gave it up. I would say I have worked as hard as DH over the years because I have completely taken over all domestic responsibilities and management. I do work now and have for ten years but I do so locally as a manager in education and I have limited my climb further up the greasy pole because I work 40 hours at work and do a little at home only in extremis. I now earn less than one tenth of my DH's earnings but I still like it, still think it's worthwhile and honestly believe work gives one a purpose. If I reflect on what I have done over the years I do believe though that people in the public sector work as hard and under as much pressure as those in the City, etc, but the difference lies in the job security and the support for people when things go wrong, ie, it's about getting them back to work rather than out of work.
I think there are two different types of roles which require long hours: operational roles, which mean you have to eg there in person to get the job done and you can't just leave (DH has one of these); and professional desk based roles which have certain expectations on what you will deliver but might have some flexibility about whether all of that is in the office or some at home when the kids are in bed (I have one of these).
My contract contains a specific exemption from the working times directive to make it legal. DH's bonus structure is heavily skewed towards those who put in the hours.
DH and I both work long hours. We're scientists.
I'm not sure blueberry's dh is all that different. My dh is looking at another 5 years of gut busting work before he takes a more relaxed line and I know he'll do it because he won't be fit enough to work the same hours the youngsters work - I'm not holding out for it but he's got other things in life he'd like to pursue.
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