To be so fairly furious with ds's school/teacher

(112 Posts)
DirtyDancingCleanLiving Wed 18-Dec-13 20:16:44

Ds1 is 5, in Year 1. Every Monday they take £1 'fruit money' in and then have a piece of fruit with milk in the afternoon. I put the £1 in ds's bookbag every Monday which he then takes out and hands in.
There are two kids in the class that won't eat fruit, so never have it. As far as I know, everyone else (20 + kids) do.

So tonight, I'm putting the dc to bed and ds asks in a really sad voice 'Mummy, can you give Mrs X a pound tomorrow?' I ask why and he says so that he can have fruit tomorrow and Friday. On further questioning, he says that he didn't have £1 on Monday so he hasn't been allowed any fruit. He did ask his teacher but she said he couldn't because he hadn't paid.

He then went on to tell me he's gone into the toilets every day this week at fruit time because 'I didn't want the other children to see me crying'.

So I've looked in his bookbag and found the missing £1 - it had gone right down into the bottom corner (took me a good 20 seconds to find it) so ds1 had thought it wasn't in there.

AIBU to be actually quite upset and angry at his teacher? Could a bit of common sense not have been employed? Ds1 is nearly 6 and started at the school the day after his 3rd Birthday. Without fail, EVERY single Monday, he has always had his fruit money.

Surely common sense would say it's some kind of mistake - why didn't the teacher just have a word with me? Ds always has his money in his bookbag...why didn't the teacher check for him when he couldn't find it?

It may seem really petty to some...but to a 5 year old this is such a big deal. He loves fruit time and the thought that my 5 year old has spent 3 days crying in the toilets at school because he's so disappointed he's been the only one missing out makes me furious.
Any insight from teachers who deal with the whole fruit money with young kids would be helpful too.

AIBU to want to have a serious word with the teacher?

Wabbitty Wed 18-Dec-13 20:19:00

Why didn't your son mention it to you earlier?

DirtyDancingCleanLiving Wed 18-Dec-13 20:19:03

Oops at 'So fairly furious'...typo in my anger!

DirtyDancingCleanLiving Wed 18-Dec-13 20:20:29

I did ask him but he just said he didn't think of it Wabbitty. To be fair, we have had a really busy week (two birthdays and a Christmas fair) so we've been out every night and not a lot of down time.

YouTheCat Wed 18-Dec-13 20:21:17

What a cow! They always have fruit left over anyway due to illness/kids not liking that particular fruit. She could have let him have some and then address the matter to you at home time. No skin off her nose and no one out of pocket.

noblegiraffe Wed 18-Dec-13 20:21:34

The teacher probably didn't have a word with you because she forgot. It's not going to be that high on her list of priorities at the end of term even if it is yours.

These things happen. Perhaps put the pound in an envelope or somewhere more easily found in the future?

Garcia10 Wed 18-Dec-13 20:21:36

At his age I would ask him every Monday evening whether he had given the money it. It isn't the teachers responsibility to check it is yours.


Finola1step Wed 18-Dec-13 20:22:28

YABU about the money. It took you 20 seconds to find the £1 coin. Was the teacher supposed to spend time rooting around in the book bag?

But YANBU about the crying. I would be concerned that the teacher had not noticed that your dc had been crying in the toilets. If he really had been crying properly, it would be v difficult for such a young child to compose themselves properly before returning class. This is what you need to find out about.

CrohnicallySick Wed 18-Dec-13 20:22:29

Are you in the uk? If so, the fruit is provided free for all infant children! The teacher should not be withholding the fruit if someone hasn't paid. The money will be paying for the milk, and if someone hasn't paid they should be provided with water.

HarderToKidnap Wed 18-Dec-13 20:22:46

Miserable cow. I wonder why these people choose to work with littlies?

Bowlersarm Wed 18-Dec-13 20:24:32

Although I think it is a bit of a shame that your DS has missed his fruit this week, I think you are over reacting. Make it easier for him to get to his £1 next time, put it in an envelope, or buttoned pocket.

OrangePixie Wed 18-Dec-13 20:24:52

Given that you're good for the money usually, it would have been reasonable to assume you'd made a mistake and just given him the fruit and asked you for £2 next week. I would be cross in your shoes.

Finola1step Wed 18-Dec-13 20:25:34

Forgot to add ... I am a teacher and yes we are all a bit stressed and tired etc as its the end of term. But I would like to think if a child in my care was crying in the toilets, then I would know.

Wolfiefan Wed 18-Dec-13 20:26:14

I would be tempted to turn up after the holidays with an envelope containing a pound for each week they are at school. Hand it to the teacher. No longer your problem!
(In all seriousness why aren't they asking parents to prepay? They really expect children this age to take in the money and remember to pay it in?)

DirtyDancingCleanLiving Wed 18-Dec-13 20:26:59

Chronicallysick...yes we are in the UK.

Are you sure? Because ds1 has had his milk...he's just not been allowed any fruit with it. I've always thought the milk was free but the fruit needed to be paid for.

arethereanyleftatall Wed 18-Dec-13 20:27:40

Yanbu for being upset on your ds behalf, but yab a little u at what you wanted the teacher to do. Good idea above about putting the money in an envelope and checking on a Monday.

gobbynorthernbird Wed 18-Dec-13 20:28:16

Unfortunately, this is another case of the minority spoiling it for the majority. There are too many parents who don't bother for teachers to assume that debts will be caught up with.

Shroomboom Wed 18-Dec-13 20:28:40

I'm a TA working with children who are 4 and 5, and I would've gone to have a look in your ds's bag. Seems a bit mean, especially seeing as the teacher should've noticed that your ds was getting upset about it. Poor boy sad YANBU.

MrsWedgeAntilles Wed 18-Dec-13 20:28:50

Oh poor wee soul, that's very sad.
I would have a word with the teacher. I wouldn't go through her, just let her know what happened and how upset wee DS was and hopefully that would be enough to stop things like this happening again.

Just on a tangent how does fruit time work? Is is at all worrying that a little boy was able to hide in the toilets 3 times without the teacher noticing?

iwouldgoouttonight Wed 18-Dec-13 20:28:53

Your poor DS, mine would have probably not told me until much later either. I've forgotten milk money before and DS's teacher has still given him milk and then reminded me about the money. Did your DS's teacher not wonder where he was while the others were eating/drinking?

I guess you'll know next time to check with him each Monday that he's given in his money because the teacher won't check. Is there any option to pay for a term/half term in advance?

DirtyDancingCleanLiving Wed 18-Dec-13 20:29:05

WolfieFan...when ds1 started school I can remember asking if I could pay in advance every term but was told no, it had to be £1 every week. I don't think that 'rule' has changed as everyone I know in both dc's classes still pays weekly.

arethereanyleftatall Wed 18-Dec-13 20:29:09

I'm in the UK and we pay for milk and fruit at our school.from the term they turn 5.

My yr1 DD definitely gets free fruit at school. We supply one piece for morning snack and the afternoon one is supplied by the school.

On the other hand, we have to pay for milk once they are of compulsory school age, which for DD was January of YR, as she is a December baby.

YouTheCat Wed 18-Dec-13 20:29:42

Fruit is free for infants, I'm pretty sure.

It'll be the milk you're paying for.

There will be loads of fruit left over on Friday anyway and it will all end up in the bin. It's a total waste.

IwishIwasmoreorganised Wed 18-Dec-13 20:31:23

Perhaps a small over reaction in your choice of words but his teacher should have let him have fruit as you've always paid reliably.

But asking him to find a £1 coin in a book bag is a bit daft - I'm amazed this is the first time that he's not been able to find it. Why not just put it in a little envelope with his name on it?

I'm not sure if this would be allowed at your school, but I just send both of ours in on the first day of each term with a cheque £1xhowever many weeks there are in that term. There's no need to remember weekly then!

CaptainSweatPants Wed 18-Dec-13 20:31:24

They no longer get milk free
Remember milk snatcher Thatcher - she did away with it in the eighties
Fruit snack once a day should be free
So I'm guessing you're paying for the milk

LynetteScavo Wed 18-Dec-13 20:32:31

I thought fruit was free in KS1.

And if they were expecting your DS to pay, then the fruit would have been ordered, so if your DS wanted it, he should have been given it - you could have paid later.

The teacher probably didn't have a word with you though, as like your son, she's had a busy week.

iwouldgoouttonight Wed 18-Dec-13 20:32:35

At DS's school they get fruit free until they move into key stage two (age 7/8) and then they can take their own in. Milk is free until they're five and then we have to pay.

LynetteScavo Wed 18-Dec-13 20:33:13

Milk is free until a child's 5th birthday here.

CrohnicallySick Wed 18-Dec-13 20:33:25

Absolutely sure. I work in a school. We collect no money and the children get provided with a piece of fruit every day.

DirtyDancingCleanLiving Wed 18-Dec-13 20:34:12

I'll definitely need to clarify with the teacher because ds was very clear that he has still had milk, just no fruit confused

I just can't stop thinking of him in the toilets crying sad

LIZS Wed 18-Dec-13 20:35:27

yabu . At this time of year she probably has umpteen things to think about other than one child's fruit money, just as you have.

LynetteScavo Wed 18-Dec-13 20:36:03

As it's such a big deal, you really need to send the money in an named envelope to make sure the money can be easily found.

Upcycled Wed 18-Dec-13 20:36:09

Why don't you give the £1 pound directly to the teacher or TA?
I am struggle to understand how can you even put a loose coin inside a book bag? Shouldn't it be in an envelop or even a small purse since you have being doing this every Monday since he is 3?
My dd's book bag have a small pouch inside and there is where I put money when needed but she usually likes to hold it and give to the teacher when she has a chance.

And it is a shame he has being crying so much, are you sure he is not exaggerating a bit? I guess he could have told you on Monday if he was so upset about it?

My suggestion is for you to pay a few weeks in advance in the office and remind the teacher every Monday. Also every Monday, remind your son that the money has been paid in the office already, so he can argue with the teacher should if needed.

Yes, she should have let him have fruit.

MiniSoksMakeHardWork Wed 18-Dec-13 20:36:10

take Ina copy of this info. I too thought fruit was free. Certainly dd's class get fruit every day as a snack. In the other two classes, they are allowed to take fruit in for a snack at break time. If your school are charging for the fruit I'd be asking for my money back. If not, they need to be clear on what you are paying for.

HumphreyCobbler Wed 18-Dec-13 20:36:20

I think the teacher was rather mean actually. I would have given him the fruit if he had been in my class, and in fact would always give fruit out to any child who had not paid if they wanted it.

CrohnicallySick Wed 18-Dec-13 20:37:02

The teacher is a negligent bitch. Why didn't she check into the deepest pockets of all 30 year 1s' book bags?! People like this SCAR CHILDREN FOR LIFE!
I'd be FURIOUS too, OP

cowmop Wed 18-Dec-13 20:37:44

We also have free milk and fruit in nursery and reception and possibly year 1. Actually the school receives so much fruit that everyone throughout the school gets a piece everyday.

BohemianGirl Wed 18-Dec-13 20:38:02

Milk isnt 'free' it is EU subsidised .... our borough levies £11.25 a term for school milk (FSM don have to pay of course) . Fruit is free for all pupils

TheGhostOfPortoPast Wed 18-Dec-13 20:38:28

Surely it can't have upset him THAT much if he never thought to mention it to you?

BohemianGirl Wed 18-Dec-13 20:39:02

People like this SCAR CHILDREN FOR LIFE!

meanwhile back in reality

YouTheCat there is never any fruit left over on a Friday afternoon in my school, pretty much every day the fruit supplied for that day gets devoured by all the children!

Op don't be too harsh on the teacher, it sounds like the system of paying for fruit is to blame, not the teacher.

Twoandtwomakeschaos Wed 18-Dec-13 20:40:00

Fruit is free for Infants (at DCs' Primary, the Governors also decided to provide free fruit for the Juniors); fruit juice/milk has to be paid for.

TheGhostOfPortoPast Wed 18-Dec-13 20:40:06

Sorry - posted too abruptly blush It seems odd to me that he never mentioned on Monday evening for example if it had upset him to the degree he was crying in the toilets.

HmmAnOxfordComma Wed 18-Dec-13 20:40:12

Milk is free until 5th birthday only.

Fruit is free for the whole of KS1. At ds's primary there was always lots spare and so the KS2 children were allowed to take it if they wanted.

Morloth Wed 18-Dec-13 20:40:28

That is shit.

I have dropped the ball a few times over the years and not once has DS1 been inthat situation.

The sensible adults around him have sorted him out and then taken it up with me.

And the times where I have been the adult looking after kids I have done the same.

They have no power over their lives, I think sometimes people forget that.

meanwhile back in reality
Yes, meanwhile back in reality, people make sarcastic jokes... before posting.

Elliemayclampett Wed 18-Dec-13 20:40:52

We used to send DCs snack money in an old camera film canister labelled with his name. I know everyone is digital now, but perhaps you could find one of those tiny Tupperware-type boxes. Would be easier for him to find in the bag.

Slippersandacuppa Wed 18-Dec-13 20:42:33

We don't pay for either and they all get both every day (if they want/ are able to have both). I'm really surprised you're being charged at all!

Maybe this is a public school we are talking about? Just because the OP mentioned 20+ children in his class, and paying for fruit.

BohemianGirl Wed 18-Dec-13 20:43:24

He loves fruit time and the thought that my 5 year old has spent 3 days crying in the toilets at school because he's so disappointed he's been the only one missing out makes me furious.

Melodrama, much? Sobbing, and yet this mysterious pound is found 3 days later in a corner? Oh for the love of God, the drama, the hysteria, oh no, he just remembered to mention it to you.

Next time = Put. It.In. An. Envelope

DirtyDancingCleanLiving Wed 18-Dec-13 20:44:25

If fruit is free for all KS1 children then why would he be refused it for not paying?

No need for the sarcastic 'joke' either Jon Snow. I'm upset because my child has been upset. Has that never happened to you? hmm

PolyesterBride Wed 18-Dec-13 20:44:44

I'm pretty sure fruit is free at our school and milk is something like 12p a week. £1 a week suddenly seems expensive! But that sounds mean not to give it out and ask for the money afterwards. Would they not give then dinner if they'd forgotten their dinner money?

MrsWedgeAntilles Wed 18-Dec-13 20:44:46

Did she notice him crying OP? This is what's upsetting me about your story, the fruit things a bit shit but its a bit of a red herring.
How didn't she notice he was isolating himself from his class mates everyday at the same time, completely out of the blue? Worse than that is the possibility that she did notice but didn't care enough to find out why or to comfort him.

BohemianGirl Wed 18-Dec-13 20:45:24

JonSnowKnowsNothing Wed 18-Dec-13 20:40:33
meanwhile back in reality
Yes, meanwhile back in reality, people make sarcastic jokes... before posting.

And the rest of us bring our children up equipped to deal with disappointment.

Oly4 Wed 18-Dec-13 20:45:58

I'd be angry! I'd probably say to his teacher "X was really upset he couldn't have fruit and cried in the toilets. His pound was in the bottom of his bag. If this happens again can you give him the fruit and I will pay you as soon as I see you?" I think that's reasonable and not too rude. She was being mean.
But yes, put his money in a little purse or something

sunmonkey Wed 18-Dec-13 20:46:00

I think its ridiculous of her not to give him any fruit or any child for that matter as well and at that age they can be quite affected by things like that when it comes to the teacher. Where I am we have to send in their own snacks at break times but if I had to do the same as you it would be a chore to say the least as he would probably also lose it from time to time. Its a much better idea to give it in advance like you suggested,

starrystarryknut Wed 18-Dec-13 20:46:02

I'm confused by this. Schools get free fruit for children. It's some kind of 5 a day thing from the government, like milk was back in the 60s. I go into staff rooms every week and see boxes of WASTED fruit that is not distributed, in every school I go to (I am peripatetic). Why are you being charged £1? I think they are scamming you.

DirtyDancingCleanLiving Wed 18-Dec-13 20:46:28, it's a state school. There are (I think) 22 in his class. That's quite large compared to some though, ds2 only has 15 in his!

ExcuseTypos Wed 18-Dec-13 20:47:52

I do feel for our DS but I too think you should put the money in a named envelope. A pound coin is very easy to lose.

In Yr a teacher or TA would check in a book bag, but in Y1 I can't see them doing that.

I also think your DS should have said something to you on Monday and I want to find out why he didn't.

blahe Wed 18-Dec-13 20:50:45
TwllBach Wed 18-Dec-13 20:52:14

I'm in Wales, so it might well be different, but we supply free milk for all children up to Y2. No fruit though.

In our school, pupils' book bags in Reception and Y1 are put into a box, by the front door of the classroom every morning by the children. As the teacher takes the register, the assistants go through the book bags for dinner money, notes etc and then give these to the teacher - making sure things like these don't happen.

I do agree that maybe you should put the money in an envelope?

kd73 Wed 18-Dec-13 20:53:01

My child's in reception and needs to carry 20p for toast, we always put it in a small wallet as loose money is easily lost !

lougle Wed 18-Dec-13 20:53:55

As other posters have said, fruit is free for Key Stage 1 children (Years R, 1, 2). Milk is free until their 5th birthday, then stops.

I don't think it's reasonable to put a loose coin in a book bag. It should be in an envelope marked with name, class and purpose.

WorraLiberty Wed 18-Dec-13 20:55:45

Milk and fruit is free at KS1 in my DC's school.

I don't know if that's just a London thing though?

Kids also get free music lessons in KS2 and ride free on the bus, but I often forget this isn't always the case elsewhere in the UK.

drivingmisslazy Wed 18-Dec-13 20:58:31

We get free fruit in our school. I work in Y1 (with 30 kids) and with all the things children have to bring back, we rely on the children to look in their own bookbags. We like money in envelopes.

inho YABU to have a go in and have a serious word with the teacher. It might be worth a mention though, I would be more concerned that my child was that upset and never mentioned it sooner. In our school if someone is upset in the toilet they quickly come and get someone.

CailinDana Wed 18-Dec-13 20:59:02

How was the teacher to know why your son didn't have a pound? What if you couldn't spare a pound? What if she gave your son fruit then asked you for a pound and you were angry/mortified/upset?

WooWooOwl Wed 18-Dec-13 21:00:10

The teacher and whatever adults they have in the classroom were horrible!

Why would they even bother to say no, presumably the fruit was there already, they had enough to go round, so what's the point in saying no to a small child? Would they prefer the fruit to go in the bin out of principle or something?


I'm another that agrees that fruit is free for ks1, and milk is free up to five.

Sunshineonsea Wed 18-Dec-13 21:01:07

I think the free fruit and or milk depends on which county you are in and which school
In a school in Wales it was free milk until end of infants and fruit had to be paid for (ordered from local green grocer)
We are in SE England now and ds takes own drink and snack, I have a feeling fruit is free but it's whatever is given (so some days could be carrots, other days pears etc) and ds is too picky so I've never actually asked if there's a charge
IME though if a child who pays regularly suddenly stops then a piece of fruit will be given to them and Teacher or TA will check with the paren

I wouldn't make a big issue with the fruit, just kindly ask them to check with you if money hasn't been paid in future
WRT Dc crying, is their routine snack, toilet, playtime? Meaning it wouldn't be unusual for your ds to actually be in the toilet at this time and of he's gone out to play straight after so nobody has noticed he's been upset?

CrohnicallySick Wed 18-Dec-13 21:02:37

Twllbach- I have better things to do than go through children's book bags as a matter of routine.

In y1 we encourage the children to take responsibility for themselves. So we would prompt the children to check their bags themselves. If a child came and said 'I can't find it, I'm sure it was here' then of course we would help them.

I use the register time to go over flash cards and quick handwriting activities with particular children with SEN- the kind of thing that only takes a few minutes but needs doing every day, by doing it in register time it means that they aren't missing out during literacy or numeracy.

DirtyDancingCleanLiving Wed 18-Dec-13 21:04:18

I'm also in Wales so I suppose that explains the paying for fruit but free milk.

I have taken on board comments about putting the money in an envelope/giving to the teacher. It's not something that has ever caused a problem in almost 3 years though, so not something I would have foreseen.

bishbashboosh Wed 18-Dec-13 21:05:08

Put the money in a purse or envelope

GW297 Wed 18-Dec-13 21:16:46

Fruit is free in state schools in England for infants. I am a Y1 teacher and would have checked or loaned your child £1 if he'd brought it in every week this term. I'd also have written you a note the first day it wasn't there or spoken to you at the end of the day if possible. Pastoral care slightly lacking on this occasion I feel. I would challenge them charging parents for fruit and agree asking to pay termly so this doesn't happen again is a good idea too.

Salmotrutta Wed 18-Dec-13 21:17:57

It's quite shocking to see the teacher being described as a "bitch" and a "cow" by people who weren't presumably there?

ExitPursuedByAChristmasGrinch Wed 18-Dec-13 21:29:11

YANBU. I prayed I the toilets in junior school every lunchtime for weeks and no one noticed.

IwishIwasmoreorganised Wed 18-Dec-13 21:54:12

Yes we're in Wales and they get free milk until the end of year 2. We pay for fruit £1 a week until the same time.

After that if they want fruit at break, parents have to provide it and there's no milk.

That's why there's some disparities.

OP - envelopes are your friend!

SayMyNameSayIt Wed 18-Dec-13 21:59:03

We get free milk every day for every child. Free fruit a couple of times a week.

If a child who normally pays didn't have it, I'd ask them to check their bag and if they still couldn't find it, I would check it myself. probably whilst muttering it must be there

Either way, of course I'd give the child fruit.
If we have a cake and candy in school, regardless of how many notes you send home or how many times you remind them, there will always be children who forget to bring money.

I ALWAYS give them some money, 20p or so. I do say, please try and give me it back tomorrow and a couple of times, I've had to say that I gave you money the last time as well.

I don't really expect them to give me it back. I also give my own DC plenty of money and I tell them that they can share with anyone who's forgotten. I tell their teachers that I don't want my DC bringing any back, it's to spend.

However, I would NEVER stand and watch a class going to a cake and candy while some wee soul has nothing. Never. There always seems to be money lying about in class which nobody claims, 10p here, 5p there. I stick it all in a piggy bank and give it to kids who've forgotten.

It's always to raise funds for charity anyway. So if I end up giving my own money, which has happened a lot over the years, I don't mind. I tell myself it could very very easily be my child who's forgotten. Or I've forgotten, more like.

I try and treat other people's children the way I'd want them to treat my own, should such a situation arise.

I think the teacher was reasonable enough not to check herself, but totally mean to not let him have the fruit. She must know that you're good for it, OP.

moldingsunbeams Wed 18-Dec-13 22:04:34

In this situation if it was clear that a child always had the money and we had not heard from parents that week we would give the fruit that day and ask at home time or send a message home at hometime asking if child was still to have fruit.

It happened to dd on the day I paid for her milk and fruit office did not tell class I had paid and dd (who knew I had because she had been there with me) told teacher I had paid and asked for her fruit and milk, teacher told her she was wrong and I hadn't. It was her first day at that school and she had to sit there while other kids all ate and drank.

Oblomov Wed 18-Dec-13 22:05:35

We have free school fruit.
Many people choose to bring in their own fruit.
No £1 shock

Tabby1963 Wed 18-Dec-13 22:06:26

Teachers generally have a lot of stuff to do in the first 20 minutes of the school day, before lessons begin; registration, school lunches, notes, homework handed in etc. They certainly don't have time to delve into the school bags of all the children who can't find their fruit money.

Sorry, but it is your son's responsibility to carefully search his bag for the money, not the teacher. At our school some children use a zip purse to carry any money they require. It is easy to access in a schoolbag and would solve the problem of a stray £1 being lost in the bottom of the bag.

GW297 Wed 18-Dec-13 22:16:42

SayMyName - I'm the same. We put it all in a pot and the extra donations pay for the ones who forget plus I always put money into charity bake sales at school too. I love the idea of giving more money and saying to the teacher that it can be shared with others if needed.

OP - why not ask if you can provide piece of fruit for your child each day instead of paying?

Hulababy Wed 18-Dec-13 22:19:40

I'm in England, and yes here we pay for milk after 5yo but fruit is free for all infants.

And actually - and even if it wasn't - most teachers don't have time in a morning to look through all bags. It's a busy time. Ours pay for school dinners and milk. But teachers and TAs don't get involved. Money goes either straight to the office or put in a pot in a morning - that goes straight to the office with the register. Teaching staff don't look at it. We then get a list from the office saying who gets milk. The caretaker then brings us that exact amount of milk each day. Obviously if a child is away we may have spare. We then go down the register list of those who don't have milk and offer it them in turn - and record where we are up to.

Does the same system work for your fruit? That is, the class is only given x amount depending on who has paid?

ballstoit Wed 18-Dec-13 22:28:23

DD1 (6) got a big tearful over missing milk for the first week of this term...after I'd stupidly sent an unsigned cheque to pay for it blush If you don't pay for the week in advance, the children can't have it.

I told her to get a grip gently reminded her that some children in the world never get enough to eat, and that 5 missed bottles of milk was a long way from being something to cry over.

I'd just chalk it up to experience, use an envelope or container for coins in future, and try to encourage a more robust attitude to things going wrong. If you join him in over reacting, your doing him no favours for the future when he is likely to have far worse things to deal with than 3 missing bananas.

BrianTheMole Wed 18-Dec-13 22:36:24

If he always has fruit and then suddenly stopped, I don't see why she didn't just let him have the fruit or help him check his bag. Seems a bit tight to me. I'd be pissed off too.

moldingsunbeams Wed 18-Dec-13 22:42:13

When I worked in schools as a TA I used to have to throw the milk which had stood in a tray in the classroom all day and mouldy fruit at the end of the week, I would have much rather been able to give it to those who could not pay. Some times it was cartons of milk, we had children in our class we knew were not getting sufficient food at home.

Sometimes I sneaked it to them but we got in trouble if caught as if people were given it free they were never going to get people to pay according to the head.

moldingsunbeams Wed 18-Dec-13 22:43:09

Sorry should read sometimes it was six cartons of milk a day thrown away.

justgirl Wed 18-Dec-13 22:48:49

i would feel the same as you. to think of my little boy crying in the toilets makes me really sad, i always used to put my sons dinner money in the front pocket of his back pack when he was at nursery....we are talking maybe 2 years old? the girls knew i did this, i still told them every day, yet a day did arise whereby my son went without his lunch whilst all his little friends were eating without him because the girls forgot. I wasn't happy.

SilverApples Wed 18-Dec-13 23:00:44

Get him a purse or a wallet.
A loose coin is asking for trouble, and why has he been sad for three days and not told you?
Did he think you'd be cross with him for losing the coin?

SilverApples Wed 18-Dec-13 23:03:55

In our LEA, fruit for KS1 started as a free government thing, then it stopped. Our school decided to continue to fund it, so KS1 get free fruit, milk is paid for by parents if they want it.

BoneyBackJefferson Thu 19-Dec-13 06:46:23

"The teacher is a negligent bitch."
"People like this SCAR CHILDREN FOR LIFE!"

Someone needs to get a grip

Greenmug Thu 19-Dec-13 07:23:35

Well no it won't scar him for life and its not the end of the world but its a bit shit isn't it.

SilverApples Thu 19-Dec-13 08:14:29

Why give a 5 year old a loose coin he couldn't find?
Why didn't he tell his mum the first day he was upset?

MidniteScribbler Thu 19-Dec-13 08:17:58

The teacher should just have given him the fruit. I'd just throw in fruit for any child that couldn't pay rather than exclude anyone.

But if I had to chase around school bags for loose coins every week I'd go mental. Buy a little coin purse which attaches to the handle of the bag, or put it in an envelope which is easy to find.

Kerosene Thu 19-Dec-13 08:41:29

It's not so much the missing fruit and whether or not to put the money in an envelope that's the issue - your DS just needs to learn that these things happen and that it's not a catastrophe - it's that he was crying in the toilets for three days and no one noticed that worries me. Might just be an overstatement on his side, but I'd want to know if she knew about that.

3asAbird Thu 19-Dec-13 09:02:13

odd diferences between wales and england,

teacher should have used common sense and been kinder.

some kids are sensitive.

I would have a word..

used to send dd1 loose money in bookbag for cake sales and tuck shop buy milk or juice.

free fruit in ks1 abundance of it.

milk annoys me as dd2 starts reception 2014 she 5 in sept so will have to pay or she wont understand why most of class get free milk should be free for all reception at least or all ks1 be nice.

just think they bang on about healthy eating and strict rules on packed lunch contents free fruit for all primary be good thing its seems juniors dont need to eat as much as no free school meals proposed for ks2.

All our money at current school goes through office mostly but there was time dd1 gave rception £1 they phoned up and asked whats £1 for?

WhenSarahAndStuckUpTheChimney Thu 19-Dec-13 09:17:31

Milk and fruit are free in DS's class, but he is still in F2 as he is only four, he will move up to Year 1 in September.

But from his 5th birthday in March we will have to pay for his milk. Fruit will still be free at that point I think.

We can pay for milk on-line, either weekly, monthly or each half term.

frumpypigskin Thu 19-Dec-13 09:38:35

I think it's a bit rough asking you all to pay for fruit. I think either the children bring in a snack or the school should provide fruit for everyone that wants it. You can't single children out.
My child is in year 1, he takes in a snack and they are given fruit. They are also allowed to take a piece of fruit at home time if they are hungry.

GideonKipper Thu 19-Dec-13 10:05:08

BoneyBackJefferson the poster was being sarcastic.

My dd is in KS1 and gets free fruit. I don't think she gets a drink of milk confused, I know she did in nursery class.

Anyway, OP I'd just calm down a bit. I know it's not good to think of your ds being upset but all it takes is a quick word with the teacher to say the money was in the book bag, it will always be in the book bag, so if ds can't lay his hands on it could he still have the fruit and an adult check the bag. But yes, an envelope would be a good idea.

suntansue Thu 19-Dec-13 10:13:54

I would send his pound in an a4 envelope with massive writing on saying Fruit Money.. I can't be missed then wink

ALittleBitOfChristmasMagic Thu 19-Dec-13 10:25:25

Teacher should have given him the fruit and lettered you for the pound .

mrsbabookaloo Thu 19-Dec-13 10:29:32

I think the "scar children for life" poster was joking, people.....

However, i am shocked that children so little have to pay for fruit and are singled out and don't get it if they haven't got the money, not only becauase this is unfair on families that can't pay, but also the logistics of making little ones repsonsible for the money. I thought the whole point of fruit at school was to even things out for children, so that even children who might not get given fruit at home can at least get it at school??

Thank god for our london borough which not only gives all KS1 kids free fruit, but also provides free school meals for all children up to Year 4.

SilverApples Thu 19-Dec-13 10:35:20

It was initially free, then the funding was pulled in many places and the LEAs had to decide on priorities and if they wanted to continue the scheme.

hardboiledpossum Thu 19-Dec-13 10:55:02

As a former ta I am shocked. I would never have excluded a child from having fruit or milk if they didn't have the money. Often the ones who don't pay are the ones who come from.chaotic families, I wouldn't make them suffer twice by missing out on a snack as well. I would always pay for those who couldn't. It is cruel to exclude a child from an activity.

lljkk Thu 19-Dec-13 11:50:05

Don't make it into a mountain, £1 into a big fat envelope so harder to miss, problem easily solved.

I imagine OP's DS got confused about what he was allowed or not (mine would at that age). No biggie. Mine would forget about it all week, too (kids only live in the now, hard to remember stuff for later).

I have a 5yo fruit refuser, doubt he will take to free hot dinners, too (argh).

Rowgtfc72 Thu 19-Dec-13 17:04:54

Were in NE Linc's and we pay three pounds each term upfront for fruit and treats.parents are fleeced for the money, nobody asks the children.

BoneyBackJefferson Thu 19-Dec-13 18:14:47


The parents that I have dealt with this week have made it somewhat difficult to separate sarcasm from actual idiots. smile

thank whatever deity you like for wine and cake and brew

Hulababy Thu 19-Dec-13 18:53:18

If fruit has to be paid for maybe the class teacher is only given the exact amount of pieces.

This is what happens with milk which had to be paid for, at my school anyway. There are only spares if a child who has milk is off absent.

Of that is the case then maybe there just wasn't any spare to give the child.

maddy68 Thu 19-Dec-13 20:04:48

With free schools, academies etc the rules re free fruit are all different now some are free. Some aren't and councils or the schools themselves pay and others don't

Wellthen Thu 19-Dec-13 20:29:56

So, your son's teacher:
Didn't know that the £1 had got lost in his bag.
Assumed that when he said 'I don't have my pound' he meant it.
Had no idea he was upset so therefore didn't think to check a minute part of her day with you.

and you're furious with her? Yes the teacher probably should have just given it anyway and yes she might have thought it was odd that he didn't have it. Did you do every single part of your job perfectly today? There wasn't even a second of your week that you look back on and think 'hm, perhaps if I had done this it would have been easier, quicker, better'?

SilverApples Thu 19-Dec-13 20:59:33

You mean like put the money in a purse Wellthen, so that the child and the teacher could find it?
Like a sensible mummy would have done?

<bitter from years of scrabbling and fielding money from 32 children all trying to give it to you at once, because their mummies loose told them to.>

SilverApples Thu 19-Dec-13 21:00:34

That 'loose' rolled away and got lost within the sentence. See how easy it is?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now