To think people working on the checkout shouldn't comment on pregnancy tests?

(70 Posts)
Onelittlebugbear Wed 18-Dec-13 11:22:41

I'm probably overly sensitive since we've been trying for over a year and starting ivf in February (dh infertile). I haven't tested for a few months but had (false) christmas hope this month.

Checkout lady said 'oh are you hoping to give him a nice christmas surprise? Or would it be a bad surprise and not a good christmas gift?'

It made me actually want to cry. The test is negative btw. Obviously. Because I was stupid to think I was ever likely to be pregnant, it's just never going to happen.

BrianTheMole Wed 18-Dec-13 11:23:57

I'd prefer it if they didn't. Its quite personal and they don't know the persons circumstances.

Probably just being friendly but I agree that they shouldn't really comment on any products. Particularly something that personal.

eurochick Wed 18-Dec-13 11:24:56

It's very silly to comment.

Onelittlebugbear Wed 18-Dec-13 11:26:10

And I was buying a million things, not just the test. She could have commented about any other item, or asked about christmas but no. Just the pregnancy test.

I feel extremely sorry for myself today - which it probably ironically partly pmt.

procrastinatingagain Wed 18-Dec-13 11:26:54

YANBU. It's not appropriate for someone to comment. Any time I've bought a pregnancy test, I've either not wanted to be pregnant, or not wanted anyone I know to see me buying it, so I wouldn't want any extra attention drawn to it. Sorry to hear you're not pregnant and hope the IVF works for you thanks

FortyDoorsToNowhere Wed 18-Dec-13 11:27:54

They shouldn't comment on personal items.

TheArticFunky Wed 18-Dec-13 11:27:59

YANBU.

I would be inclined to complain.

I deliberately avoid the checkout women who have commented on my shopping. It's bad enough when they make a jokey comment about a ready meal but to comment on a pregnancy is completely unacceptable.

TheArticFunky Wed 18-Dec-13 11:28:31

test

darjeelingdarling Wed 18-Dec-13 11:28:36

YANBU thanks

msmoss Wed 18-Dec-13 11:29:31

I suspect she didn't mean to make you feel bad, from what you've written regarding her second comment is sounds like she may well have realised half way through that she shouldn't really have sad something.

(Although of course I wasn't there and some people are just busybodies)

Try not to dwell on it.

MrsSteptoe Wed 18-Dec-13 11:29:48

Oh my gosh, no, you're not being unreasonable. That's very personal. She might as well have commented on a box of Durex in my trolley. But some people do have a slightly off sense of what's appropriate with strangers. Hopefully someone might say somethng gently to her before she gets her head bitten off!

manticlimactic Wed 18-Dec-13 11:29:49

No, no no! YANBU. I've worked on tills and there are things you never, ever, ever comment on. Pregnancy tests, condoms or SPs. Unless the customer mentions anything.

eurochick Wed 18-Dec-13 11:30:07

Can I recommend the internet cheapie tests? Not only are they cheap, you buy them online so no human interaction in involved.

I'm not much of a tester when ttc naturally, but I can't help myself when doing an IVF cycle, mainly because the drugs screw your natural cues as to whether or not AF is on the way.

CranberrySaucyJack Wed 18-Dec-13 11:33:07

Y couldn't B any less U if you tried.

What a stupid cow.

Onelittlebugbear Wed 18-Dec-13 11:34:07

That may be the way forwards Euro.
And probably cheaper too.

Probably more sensible to give up. I may lie on the sofa eating crisps all day.

YANBU and sorry it upset you.

I don't understand why they comment - there is absolutely no good way to frame it so why try?

Pawprint Wed 18-Dec-13 11:36:23

I bought one at the supermarket and the idiot checkout guy shouted "Good luck!" as I walked away. It really upset me so YANBU.

lessonsintightropes Wed 18-Dec-13 11:36:28

Silly and insensitive I think - I know just how you feel, TTC for 5 months now and I really hate it when people on the checkout feel the need to comment on my purchase.

FlipFlippingFlippers Wed 18-Dec-13 11:39:21

Got a bfn myself this morning. Been sad and crying at all the Christmas adverts.

Yanbu she shouldn't have said anything.

[Thanks]

FlipFlippingFlippers Wed 18-Dec-13 11:39:55

I meant thanks obviously

NigellasDealer Wed 18-Dec-13 11:40:01

YANBU it is nobody's business what you are buying

fluffyraggies Wed 18-Dec-13 11:41:32

I usually come down on the side of the shop worker on threads, but in this case YANBU AT ALL! flowers Sorry about BFN.

Of course personal items shouldn't be commented on. Preg. tests, tampons, incontinence pads, ovulation predictors, hemaroid (sp?) cream ... none of these are fair game for a quip from the check out person. How rude.

In fact, and this is the first time i've said this, i'd complain about the assistant to the management. You can do it by letter or email if it helps.

fluffyraggies Wed 18-Dec-13 11:42:23

flip - flowers for you too sad

CeliaLytton Wed 18-Dec-13 11:44:03

YANBU. Once I had a checkout woman say to me 'I hope you get the result you want' which seemed very PC but still managed to offend me as it sounded like she thought I wouldn't want to be pregnant, and why not, I'd be a fab mum, etc etc.

Why the fuck would you comment in ANY way on a pregnancy test?!

thanks

snowed Wed 18-Dec-13 11:45:22

YANBU. Of course they shouldn't try to start a conversation about it - it's completely private. I would complain.

RibbonsInMyHair Wed 18-Dec-13 11:45:43

No she shouldn't have commented.

I once to work part time on a checkout when I was a student. They do tell you to make conversation with customers, but that's taking it too far.

It can work the other way too. I once sold a man some condoms and he asked me if they were any good and had I used them before.

Made it worse that his wife and daughter were with him and found the whole thing hilarious hmm

picnicbasketcase Wed 18-Dec-13 11:47:58

They shouldn't make any comment either way, regardless of friendly or chatty intent. They have no idea what people might be going through and how much what they say could hurt someone. I'm so sorry OP.

whatever5 Wed 18-Dec-13 11:50:47

I was very rude of her to ask a personal question like that. I think that check out staff should be told not to comment on personal items.

Aberchips Wed 18-Dec-13 11:50:47

"oh are you hoping to give him a nice christmas surprise?" She shoudn't really comment full stop as you never know what is going on in people lives, but if she had left it at this then I would assume she was trying to be friendly/nice,
however the fact she followed it up with "Or would it be a bad surprise and not a good christmas gift?" shock angry - what an awful & incredibly insensitive thing to say to anyone!!

Sorry you didn't get your positive result. thanks

Onelittlebugbear Wed 18-Dec-13 11:53:14

Thanks everyone

Sympathy with others who are also waiting for a BFP.

It's just I remember thinking last christmas before we found out about dh that surely this christmas id be pregnant. But I'm not and it feels like it'll never happen. Obviously the checkout lady couldn't know that but it still made me feel crappy when the commented. I thought 'no, it would be absolutely the best christmas gift ever.'

dustarr73 Wed 18-Dec-13 11:54:51

I worked on checkouts for years and its a really insensitive thing to say.I would report her.Email the manager.Its for her sake as well she might say it to the wrong person.Hope you have a nice Christmas op

Tailtwister Wed 18-Dec-13 11:56:59

YANBU. They have no idea of people's circumstances.

thanks for you OP. I've been there and it's so, so hard.

How thoughtless One. Here is a little clip to make you smile. <hopeful> smile

Hope you get a BFP very soon. x

CaptainHammer Wed 18-Dec-13 12:00:08

YANBU. I would have gone crazy!
I really hope you reported it or could recognise her to report her next time you're there.

SettingPlaster Wed 18-Dec-13 12:01:58

Sympathies, OP, and to all others on the thread trying to conceive. Of course YANBU. No way should someone handling your shopping comment on anything like pregnancy tests, condoms, adult incontinence pads, pile cream etc etc. Surely this is obvious, whether or not your intentions are good? Grr.

I often think checkout operators don't even notice what they are scanning after a while. seems odd to comment on anything. sad

CosyTeaBags Wed 18-Dec-13 12:10:25

Just adding my support here - I am appalled that this happened to you OP. I too am TTC, and have occasionally bought potentially embarrassing stuff like 'Pregnacare' vitamins, a PG test etc from the supermarket. My biggest fear is bumping into someone I know while doing the rounds, and them seeing it in my trolley... shock

I now buy all that stuff online - this is where internet shopping really comes into its own. Plus the packs of internet cheapie HPTs are great and way cheaper than the over packaged ones you get in the shops.

Sorry that this happened to you OP. I would be FURIOUS

Minithemoocher Wed 18-Dec-13 12:12:24

This happened to me the first time I bought one (bfn). It was at Sainsbury's and I also left with a voucher for extra nectar points if next week I bought alcohol free bubbly. I was a bit shocked!!

MillicentTendancies Wed 18-Dec-13 12:14:52

YANBU! I'd complain.

What does she say to people buying condoms? Or KY Jelly... the mind boggles.

TheHippyWhoWearsLippy Wed 18-Dec-13 12:18:11

YANBU. You have all walks of life working behind tills & it can be easy for someone to not realise that they are "serving" customers not talking to a friend. I would make a complaint but that's because I work as a customer service trainer for a large company & this is not acceptable.

I wish you all the luck in the world

Ynbu but she was probably just trying to be nice. Some people are just a bit insensitive. Good luck with the IVF OP.

HesterShaw Wed 18-Dec-13 12:19:51

YANBU in the slightest.

Comment on someone's magazine, if you feel like chatting. Do not comment on a bloody pregnancy test.

Stupid woman.

Wuxiapian Wed 18-Dec-13 12:19:51

YANBU.

She was totally unprofessional.

HesterShaw Wed 18-Dec-13 12:20:16

Good luck with the IVF flowers

Trooperslane Wed 18-Dec-13 12:20:39

Does she ask people who buy pile cream if they have lots of grapes?

Aways ultra - you on the blob, love?

Condoms - off home for a shag, are we?

Silly woman.

Good luck with the ivf op. Been where you are and it's hell.

winethanks

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Wed 18-Dec-13 12:22:27

Sorry OP, that's really rough. It obviously hit you hard. Agree that it's fine to comment on random items going over the conveyor belt, like "those yoghurts look nice, what are they like?" but personal stuff is a no-go area and that should be obvious really.

I'm sorry you were upset.

HeadingHome Wed 18-Dec-13 12:31:00

I had a lady at a pharmacy once say something along the lines of "I hope you get the result you want". I thought that was gentle and sweet, but I was fairly support-deprived at the time, so any kindness was greatly appreciated! [just noticed how useless this post is...hmm]

HeadingHome Wed 18-Dec-13 12:34:35

BTW, OP - YNBU

frizzcat Wed 18-Dec-13 12:36:31

I've had this happen to me at my local Sainburys and I was so pissed off, the girl in question held my Clearblue box up and said - "do you hope pregnant then?" When I gave her my death stare, she then said "oh sorry, do you not want a baby?". Through gritted teeth I told her to scan the box.
Once packed I went to customer service and asked for the duty manager and complained, he was mortified.
YANBU it's the embarrassment of other members of the public hearing that you're about to do a pregnancy test, as, in my case the shop was rammed. This is of course in addition to not knowing your personal circumstances ffs.

Sorry about you're IVF OP

cantheyseeme Wed 18-Dec-13 12:43:53

When pg with dd1 i wanted to be extra sure but was poorly so asked my brother to pop and get me some boots tests, we lived in a tiny town where everyone knew everyones business and at the checkout the woman asked him "oooh does your mum know abour this?" WTAF! It mightve been understandable if he was a spotty teenager (although still inappropriate) but he was 26 at the time.... some people are bloody idiots.
Sorry about your bfn, it might be worth ordering online in future.
thanks

bonzo77 Wed 18-Dec-13 12:46:57

i had this. I was actually testing to make sure that my miscarriage was complete after a erpc. I told the cashier so. That shut her up.

Onelittlebugbear Wed 18-Dec-13 12:48:01

Oh god.
It's all so depressing.

I would like christmas not to happen this year.

FirstStopCafe Wed 18-Dec-13 12:57:03

YANBU. I remember being shocked once buying a pregnancy test when the cashier made a similar comment. I mentioned to my husband later that I thought it inappropriate.

I'm sorry it has upset you

HopeClearwater Wed 18-Dec-13 12:58:52

Make a complaint to head office. Seriously. Cashier was well out of order. Silly cow.

eurochick Wed 18-Dec-13 13:07:39

I hear you re: Xmas, onelittle. We are waiting on the outcome of our 4th IVF. I don't think it's going to be good, and all the family-focussed Xmas adverts make me want to put my foot through the telly.

BTW, there is an "egg buddies" thread over in Conception for people going through IVF. Pop over if you fancy some moral support in the lead up to your cycle. x

Onsera3 Wed 18-Dec-13 13:12:21

Oh YANBU for sure.

Been in that exact same situation. 'Maybe a little Christmas present for you?' the lady held up the box after scanning it.

It wasn't. Nor the next month or any other month for the next year.

IVF worked first time for me. Felt like I'd won the lottery when I got that BFP and still does everyday after nearly two years. When you get your BFP (and you will one day I'm sure) you should go buy a whole stash of tests from the same checkout operator and see what she has to say about that. (Honestly, it's so exciting to finally get a BFP that it's great fun to keep testing and see that satisfying line appear)

differentnameforthis Wed 18-Dec-13 13:16:05

I bought one at the supermarket and the idiot checkout guy shouted "Good luck!"

I don't think it is fair to call anyone an idiot. After all, I don't think that the comments come from a bad or nasty, malicious place, just a thoughtless one. Yes, it isn't a great idea to comment when you don't know the circs, but in my opinion, they are well meaning & it comes from the same place as 'it happened for a reason' in the light of a miscarriage (until I had a very close friend go through it, I didn't know that saying that was totally not helpful) and I feel it is the same in this case too.

People want to say something, and people often get it wrong. But to call them an idiot is horrible.

elliejjtiny Wed 18-Dec-13 13:17:09

YANBU. Pregnancy tests should never be commented on.

SkinnybitchWannabe Wed 18-Dec-13 13:18:37

Yam

differentnameforthis Wed 18-Dec-13 13:19:09

Meant to say YANBU.

Gruntfuttock Wed 18-Dec-13 13:20:03

differentnameforthis "People want to say something, and people often get it wrong. But to call them an idiot is horrible."

But it is not appropriate for them to "say something" I don't comment on fellow customers' shopping, because they are strangers and it's nothing to do with me. The same applies to the checkout operators.

SkinnybitchWannabe Wed 18-Dec-13 13:20:43

Yadnbu!
I work on a checkout and would never ever comment. Its rude, nosy and downright unprofessional.
Awful, I would've reported her.

SettingPlaster Wed 18-Dec-13 13:27:48

Commenting on a stranger's pregnancy test when you are scanning her shopping makes you a bona fide idiot in my eyes.

I'm not interested in your motivation, good intentions, long track record of well-meaning tactlessness etc etc. I don't care whether you're eighteen or eighty. Just talk about the weather, Christmas, your new pet llama. Anything that would be an appropriate subject for chitchat between two total strangers.

And no one should have to tell you this. It comes under 'normal good manners' as well as 'basic professional attitude in workplace'.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Wed 18-Dec-13 13:44:29

Surely supermarkets could add an instruction about 'personal items' such as condoms and pregnancy tests to their training? Perhaps they do already? I think some people lack sensibilities sometimes and are just afflicted with a desire to babble incessantly and when it's coupled with a nosey nature... Ka-boom!!

Mrswellyboot Wed 18-Dec-13 13:45:58

YaNbu at all. But please don't give up hope. Enjoy your Christmas and your husband. Same boat for me last year flowers

Some people have no brains

It's the only time I've been thankful for those really annoying self service tills.

formerbabe Wed 18-Dec-13 14:48:54

Nosy cow!

differentnameforthis Wed 18-Dec-13 15:07:45

Gruntfuttock

I didn't say it was appropriate (I don't think it is, btw), I just pointed out that people say this stuff, often not realising that it IS inappropriate. People have different outlooks & different ideas of what IS appropriate, therefore now & then we are all going to come across someone who says the wrong thing/something inappropriate to us. I just don't think it is nice to call them an idiot for it.

whatsagoodusername Wed 18-Dec-13 15:22:07

When I was a teenager I used to work on the tills in a pharmacy. Whenever someone came through with a pregnancy test, I wanted to say "Good luck" - as whatever the outcome, this could be a major impact on someone's life and I hope they get the outcome they want. Never did, because I was afraid it would come out wrong and I would have been mortified if someone had commented on my shopping, but I wished them luck in my head.

I was also supposed to chat to customers, so that may have contributed to my wanting to say something, as I am rubbish at chatting to strangers. I am very glad that I never did.

Sorry for your bfn and that she upset you, Onelittlebugbear. thanks

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