To think that school plays bring out selfish behaviour in some parents?(79 Posts)
This morning DH and I went to our youngest child's school xmas play. The school our DC go to doesn't charge for tickets, but you have to book tickets as due to space restrictions, and for fairness, there is a limit of 3 seats per child. You are given confirmation of your tickets but there is no policing of the tickets at the door, and every year some families seem to bring loads of people with them, and take no notice of the ticket rules.
This then means that many parents that have stuck to the rules end up with no seats, and standing at the back or crammed at the side of the hall, with a rubbish view. The ones that break the rules are generally there first of all and reserve rows of seats, and get all the front row seats for their grans/aunties/next door neighbours.
This morning at DS's play, I saw that one family had taken up a total of 12 seats: the mum, the dad, both sets of grandparents, the mum's auntie, the mum's 3 cousins, and the family's next door neighbour and her daughter! Another family had a good 6 or 7 seats reserved in the front row.
I know it's only a school play and not that important in the grand scheme of things, but I just think it's so bloody selfish. Everyone wants to see their child perform, and it's unfair that some are blatantly breaking rules, meaning that others don't get to see much of their child. I also noticed today that many people in the front few rows kept standing up to take photos and video their children/grandchildren, meaning that those of us stuck in the rows behind got no view at all for much of the show.
YANBU Ours policed it very strictly it would be very easy for the office, to allocated two tickets per family, using the register. I'd raise it with the HT.
Don't be so grumpy. It's only selfish if other families didn't get to see the play at all. Next time turn up earlier to get better seats. It's lovely that wider families are interested in supporting their nieces / nephews / grandchildren - not all are.
My pet hate is selfish gits who stand up to get a better view blocking the view for everyone else sat behind them.
My dc's play was doors open at 9.45am this morning. I arrived at 9.44 and the hall was full. So I sat at the back and couldn't see a bloody thing.
PS Further to my post, just to noted that, No, I don't take more than my allocated seats - I'm a stickler for following rules. However I don't feel grumpy towards others.
I'd raise it with the HT, wouldn't be very difficult for them to just allocate people paper tickets and then no ticket = no entry. It's not fair and probably a fire hazard to have people just crammed in willy nilly while little special snowflake's great aunt twice removed and her 3 neighbours take up all the seats.
Lots of parents barely got to see the play though, ceebie. The hall isn't big, and they were crammed at the back like sardines, standing up. I would imagine many only got the view of the back of the person's head that was stood in front of them.
Also, the message and meaning of Christmas seemed to be about Father Christmas and presents. And food. And presents. Etc. actually found it quite depressing. Dd's class were Australian children celebrating Christmas (ie food and presents). Not that I could see any more than the top of her head. sigh
YANBU - that isn't fair. Everyone should have an equal chance. What happened to me one year was that I ended up paying £15 for tickets and then found out that some people at the performance had refused to pay and had been allowed in anyway. That didn't seem fair at all.
If seating is restricted then tickets should also be restricted to a number per family.
I've just had a mini rant on another thread.
DS1's 1st ever nativity play, we had this. They have a strict 2 tickets per family rule for the evening performance, but you can bring siblings if they sit on your knee.
There were about 20 of us who couldn't get away from work in time to queue for seats, and we finished up standing in the back corner, where you could barely see the stage, because people had put their toddlers on a third seat, so there weren't enough.
To add insult to injury, a woman near us kept standing up and leaping around with her camera until we had to ask her to sit down. We could not see a bloody thing.
We probably should have collared a teacher and asked for an announcement that children needed to sit on knees, but it was so close to the performance starting and all the seats would have been dotted throughout the hall, so it would have caused utter carnage for everyone.
And yanbu op. Plenty of ticket dodgers there this morning too. So parents who couldn't turn up an hour early were hemmed in at the back.
lottieandmia that's awful! I hope you complained to the school.
We were lucky that we did manage to get seats this morning, and we did get several sightings of DS. However, I did feel for those standing at the back. It's not very relaxing to have to stand up for a 35 minute performance, in a hot cramped hall, and therefore they probably weren't able to concentrate and enjoy the performance as much as they deserved to be able to enjoy it.
I will raise it with the headteacher before next year's performances, or possibly before my older child's performance on Thursday.
Kungfu, it really annoys me when people start videoing or taking photos and hopping around with no regard or consideration for anyone behind them. It's as if their lives depend on getting little Johnny in the frame for every second that they are in the hall!
I'm surprised at the school - the office staff are very strict on tickets at our school plays, both for fire regulations and also to prevent this sort of melee. They don't allow siblings to sit on knees, as it goes against fire regs. Two tickets per family (not per child) but the opportunity is there to get extra tickets the day before if any are left.
I'd raise it with the HT in your situation, probably going with the fire regs aspect first.
Ours (secondary school) had no limit on tickets, did it on a first come, first served basis without telling us, gave out 'priority letters' to cast members, but we think to band members (including my 2 dss) a week later and after finding out (via Facebook) that it was sold out and we and a number of other families had no tickets, I discovered that one family had requested and been given 18 tickets!! After kicking up a huge stink we now have our tickets
I didn't complain. Perhaps I should have. But by then it was done - I doubt they would have given my money back. I agree about people standing up and taking photos. Our school have recently been getting photographers to take pictures of all the children that we have about 8 to choose from of our particular child or group which we can buy.
Oh, and don't get me started on people using fucking iPads/<insert tablet of your choice> to video it. The people behind you do not want to watch their child performing through your iPad, they want to actually, y'know, see them. Put the fecker down. At least phones are quite small...
I go to the dress rehearsals for this very reason. Usually loads of seats and much more relaxed.
Although today for some reason some stupid Mums decided to stand at the back of the hall blocking the only exit from the hall even though there were about 50 empty seats.
I really don't get it, those of us with small babies that needed to nip in and out when they started creating had to every time say excuse me and then wait for the utter morons to shuffle ever so slightly to the side and then squeeze ourselves and screaming baby out of the door.
The problem is OP some people are just selfish fucking cunts they will always find a way to piss you off and will never care about anyone but themselves. It makes my blood boil.
I know it's nice to have vidoes of children, but I can never understand why some parents feel the need to record absolutely every second of absolutely everything their child ever does at school. Some parents stand with a camcorder or ipad for the whole of sports day in the summer, videoing their children.
That's very true, Jaqueline; the people that act selfishly in school situations are probably generally quite self centred and selfish anyway.
Oh God Madboys, I don't blame you for making a fuss. 18 tickets takes the absolute fucking piss! Glad you got some tickets eventually
Bacon - The first complaint was that we were offered dress rehearsal tickets after we found out it was sold out and. Not happy with this as it is very noisy as the primary school kids come to watch. We were offered two standing tickets to an evening performance which was ok-ish. After I found out about the 18-tickets family we wrote a letter to head teacher. Didn't really want to make such a fuss and become 'that parent', but couldn't let it go as it was so obviously not thought out at all. Now have 5 tickets for me, DH, DM, DD and DMIL, all seated. Sadly, I think other people didn't make such a fuss as apparently most of the parents at the dress rehearsal yesterday were parents of the band, after I was told that the letters all went out at the same time
Ours is restricted to two which can be a nightmare but hall is tiny so I can see why.
Myself and my friend sat watching last year at the bag and were gobsmacked at some of the pushing and shoving and behaviour of some of the reception parents.
It does seem to be the same "offenders" time and time again.
The standy-up film-y woman at our play is notorious for various parking/drop-off/pick-up/general acts of blatant selfishness.
The '12 tickets' woman is a bit like that too, kungfu; she often parks on the yellow zig zags outside the school, and often stands in the reception classrooms doorway in the mornings chatting to people.
I think some people's children are just more important than others
It doesn't even need to be ticket they could have names on a list that can be ticked off.
Ours is restricted to 2. With tickets send out in the bookbag the week before. The tickets are collected and checked on the day.
It wasn't the case until a few years ago when it got completely silly so they introduced tickets and banned younger siblings (one year, DS's school play was standing room only and had a group of about 8 toddlers invading the stage and running up and down the hall the entire time)
I think they definitely need to implement something to stop it happening again. Only problem is the headteacher is a bit of a wet weekend so no doubt even they do conduct things more strictly next year he won't actually have the gumption to tell anyone that no, they can't bring in an extra 5 people, he'll just let them in.
Perhaps I'll offer to go on the door for them...if they ensure the play is in my PMT week I'll have no problems re-iterating the rules to people
Yes, do that. And confiscate the cameras and phones of known offenders.
tiggy, you've just reminded me about an incident this morning! the stage was all set up for the play, and a woman decided it would be a good idea to let her 2 toddlers (aged around 1 and 3 I'd say) 'play' on the stage before the performance started. The reception teachers then had to re-arrange the stage before the kids could start
12 seats is ridiculous - if you need more than 3 then the extra people you wish to invite need to stand at the back.
ipads should be banned - spent the whole of dc's Xmas show watching the performance though the screen of the thoughtless woman in front of me.
Also woman next to me:
please do not chat when your child is off stage - other children are still performing!
Ours usually runs reasonably smoothly, the tall dads are stuck at the back to take, video, photos and we short arses sit. Older siblings on benches at the front, babies on knees.
The problem is our hall, like a lot of primary schools, has a stupid arty shaped hall. You can't set up a proper high stage and still get all the parents in.
I actually despair of human nature more on occasions like this than at any other time.
The selfish cunts at my DC's school hog the front rows with loads of extended family and constant filming on ipads. This is complimented with hostile self-entitled glares.
They are generally poorly educated, uncivilised, entitled muppets sadly raising another generation of poorly educated, uncivilised, entitled muppets.
I just don't understand why people don't have consideration for others. I just don't get it. We ALL love our children and want to see them. What gives YOU the right to ruin my experience.
I am concerned that these 'people' are breeding at a great pace than the generous, kind people. By my maths my grandchildren will just be tripped up/beaten up/stabbed when attempting to see their children's nativities in 2 decades time.
I generally find at my DCs school that the selfish, inconsiderate parents seem to be the 'loud parenting' ones. They seem to think they are too important to follow rules and that they can park where they like/have as many performance seats as they wish/take as long as they want at parents' evening even though others are waiting.
It seems to be a case of 'Look how wonderful my child is, as so many family members want to see his play'
Ok at dd1st school they only had 1 performance limited to 2 tickets in church next door but most parents sat upstairs as classes wee watching downstairs plus those with kids if kicked off they make less noise on balcony upstairs but upstairs on balcony were row of tripods and serious ott photography we used to joke how many cameras this time as we were balcony veiw wasent too bad.
one year the had it in school hall was far too tiny.
another reception play mini beast play missed most of it due to lack space in hall and selfish parents and tanrtruming baby then told parent felt bad as had leave early to which she said shame it was really good.
2nd school no nativity this year as juniors but last year dd1 had best part yet went evening again in large church off balcony got good veiw less selfish parents and think having daytime and evening option better.
We have carol conert in church fri where dd1 narrating and singing so hoping get ok veiw its big hurh thanfully and small school only really 100-120sets parents.
On fb encounter people who photo every moment of kids lives surprised they not sat on the loo looking cute!
Our schools do similar. 2 tickets, but never checked. Siblings only allowed in dress rehearsal (to which anyone can come).
Problem is if they've never checked, to check could mean huge arguements at the door, plus great aunt marge who's travelled 200 miles for a one off doesn't get in.
The problem I've also seen, is the nice polite parents who go and ask, are often refused, so don't bring the extra who's staying with them. Whereas those that just rock up never get challenged.
You would need to make it very clear well in advance and have bouncers on the door the first year.
Personally, I think I'd do it strictly 2 seats only, and a third seat applied for, subject to space, except in certain exceptional circumstances, which might get you 4 tickets.
But I quite like standing at the back. You get a better view because the hall is so small sitting often you can only see a small amount of the stage at a time.
This year our very small school did 2 performances and policed the tickets with alarming force.
And it worked, everyone got a seat, everyone saw the performance they had paid for.
Ours doesn't impose a limit. But you need to get there early to get seats. Lots of parents realised this last year and were there at 9am, despite it not starting until 10am! Some parents were standing round the sides but pretty much everyone got a seat. It's a year group of 60 children.
Ha Ha. You all a need a me. That is one of my jobs as Manager of the Performing Arts Centre at the school I work in. We don't charge for tickets but for big/popular events we issue seat allocated tickets so there can be no arguments about who sits where. At Junior School events (where parents are much keener to attend) they usually allocate two tickets per family and then they can request extras if available. All schools should be aware of fire regs. At our school we are not allowed to have anyone standing. It really is worth checking this out as a school performance could be closed down at any time if regs. are not followed. The council do impromtu checks. We have had them more than once. Also, we do not allow parents to film or take flash photographs as it can disturb the performers. You really need to have a couple of ushers/fire stewards/bouncers/whatever on the door. Tickets MUST be checked otherwise what on earth is the point of them?
This happens every year both in DS and DD years, despite rationing tickets.
It is always the same families, they bring everyone and the rest if us mortals get two per family! Their kids are horrible and have the same sense of entitlement as their parents. I just hope that this behaviour will only get them so far in life as at secondary school the kids have to make their own way.
I would like to say they are the bad parking parents too but they are not at my school. That is a whole other tale!!
Most parents want to see their kids 'perform' unfortunately you are right as school seems to bring out the worst in some people.
Our school have a strict two tickets per performance per family, sent home in book bags. If you don't need them then you are requested to send them back and school reallocate them on a first come first served basis.
Can't say i have ever noticed a huge problem. And they do allow anyone to watch the dress rehearsal who cannot get a ticket/ make the performances (of which they do two).
We also have an official photographer and video-r at the dress rehearsal so you can buy a DVD. Must admit that rows of seats being taken up by one family seems a bit off!
I have four children in our school, I still only get the four tickets (2 per show) and I have never seen a reason to complain.
I think yanbu. This was always happening at my daughter's nursery despite people being told many times. The school should police it better though.
There are always some who think their extended family have more right to be there than other children's parents.
Also it is a health and safety problem (dreaded words I know!) if people cannot get out because the hall is so crowded.
That would be a far better way to do it IMO; send 3 tickets home with each child, and ask for any spares to be returned to school. And then put out the number of chairs that corresponds with the number of tickets allocated.
I'm sure the hall was way above capacity this morning, especially for fire safety reasons. It's not a huge hall, and I'd say there were probably in excess of 200 people in it, including the children, possibly more. It was literally impossible to move
I have to admit it did make me laugh that the 12 tickets family seemed to think their neighbour and neighbour's daughter all had a right to see the play. Weird
YANBU, that's incredibly selfish! DS2 has his nativity on Friday and we have tickets for 2 adults. His GP's would love to come, but won't because there simply isn't enough space.
The photos/filming thing really gets me too. When DS1 had his nursery nativity we couldn't see a thing because of all the phones blocking our view. Incredibly selfish behaviour. At his school nativity there was some stupid woman with one of those really clicky cameras with the huge lens. All I could hear through the whole thing was her camera clicking away.
As some of you have already pointed out on here, these parents will raise a new generation of entitled, selfish, inconsiderate brats that think the world revolves around them
At a play in the church I was sat on the floor in the aisle with my DTs (3yo and bribed with choc buttons to stay quiet) and loads of parents standing at the back. The doors opened an hour before the performance started and there was already a queue. A mother who needs a wheelchair / crutches to get around arrived to see her daughter. She stood in the aisle for a minute or so trying to work out where to sit but no one moved, . However the HT saw her and went over and sorted out a seat for her at the front with the teachers. Thank goodness for her.
Going to DD's first Christmas play tomorrow (she's in nursery and they are doing a joint one with reception). What time realistically do I need to arrive to get a good seat?
was just going to turn up ten minutes before but not after reading this!
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
KellyElly, If you set off this evening with a sleeping bag and a flask of tea then you might just manage to get one of the last available seats
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
KellyElly, If you set off this evening with a sleeping bag and a flask of tea then you might just manage to get one of the last available seats
Or slip the caretaker a back-hander Sounds like a plan!
just reacting to title - yes, they do.
When DS1 was in reception we needed to bring in a shepherd's costume.
I heard the mums talking about so I asked what should that look like.
they said "oh just a tea towel and a tunic"
well I'm not English so I had no idea what they meant by it - we didn't have nativity plays when I was little.
so I asked one mum who had her kid's costume in a bag with her if I could take a look so I could get an idea of what is needed - I explained that I just don't want to bring in something totally different and make DS1 feel uncomfortable.
she made faces at me and very reluctantly showed me the costume.
I said "thanks, it's like the Shepherds in the kids' Bible - I'm glad I know what I need to make! "
it came back to me that she had said afterwards that I was pushy and wanted to copy his son's costume and that she was worried that my DS1's outfit might end up being better. (it didn't it was fine. and he was happy)
who the fuck has a competition about best looking shepherd costume?
who cares which kid looks best?
the better/more appropriate they all look the better the experience for all, surely!
I just needed help - and at a level that I would have been happy to offer, had it been other way round!
would she have been satisfied if I brought DS1 in a traditional Hungarian sheperd outfit and risk the others looking at him like he's from another planet, making him feel bad?
anyway, I never asked her for another thing.
sorry OP for long post and not quite answering you.
YANBU. it's like towel marking place at the pool.
I was very impressed with ds new school. 4 tickets per child and the tickets had seat numbers.
We had one of our performances today and it mostly went very well.
Tickets bought via the school office- 2 tickets per family at first, and then extras were available from the beginning of this week.
Then the right number of chairs was put out. Anyone standing at the back was asked to please sit, fire regs and we had left a gangway clear for the children to use during the play.
The only hitch was a baby in the front row- she looked to be around the same age as my DD (14 months). She screamed and cried intermittently, and mum didn't appear to be making much effort to settle her- no toys, snacks, dummy etc appeared, mum just shifted her from one knee to another. At no point did she attempt to take her out, and none of the teachers wanted to ask her to leave (that's the head's job and no one could catch her eye). I felt sorry for the children on stage who were being put off and drowned out.
Last year, I watched the play with DD. She started squawking, so I took her out and watched the rest of the performance from the corridor outside so she didn't disturb anyone. It's not that much of a hardship!
Yes nd i am that parent. At dcs show small hall non ticketed event the school appealed to parents better nature and asked that we limit to two attendees per child. Dh and i turned up earlish the seats were nearly all taken but. there were four spare close to the front. We gleefully grabbed two only to be informed by a woman further back that one child was reserving all four for her family. Needless to say we didn't move but got some really dirty looks from the entitled family when they arrived just before curtain up.
Ticket cheats = zig zag line parkers = I will not leave the hall even though my baby is crying and nobody can hear = tablet filmers. I was shocked when my DC1 started school that the head seemed to address parents as if they were naughty children. Having seen the behaviour of a (bloody annoying) minority, I fully understand why.
I have 3 nieces a nephew and a daughter all in the same school, We have 2 tickets each. It may seem like the whole family is turning up as there is 10 adults, but we are there to watch our children but seeing my nieces and nephew is a nice bonus
Yanbu. That does sound very selfish
I have the perfect solution, £1 to enter the raffle and the numbers get drawn on the day, if you have a winning ticket you can get to go in the front row.
The money from this can be used to fund the children Christmas parties in school. DS would have made £100.
DDs' school checks tickets and it's first come first served for seats. Usually you get there 30 minutes before the start to get in the first two rows.
Some bloke tried to pull me via DS nativity. We were allowed to take photos but he didn't think it would be allowed. He was sat next to me so I offered to email him the photos I took after he commented I had a camera. I and then got a very dodgy proposition back, dirty git.
I was wondering why we're always able to see the children in plays at our school, then I clicked that it's because my children's primary school used to be a high school and has a stage. I assume most primary schools don't? (Now it sounds like I'm boasting. I'm not. It's just that its in an old high school)
ha ha Precious What did he say?
I wonder if they put the seats for the parents on the stage, and the rest on the floor and had hte performance on the floor.....if that would work....get some heads out the way.
Same at Ds' school. 2 tickets per child but the numbers certainly didn't add up when you looked around the hall at the ratio of adults to kids performing.
I do film a bit of it but only because DH can never attend and i would never obstruct anyones view so i stand at the back/side and give up my allocated seat.
MY nieces school seems to have a good system - 2 tickets per family but mulitple performances that week so different families invited on different days and it fits in with people's working hours (2x a.m. shows and 2x p.m. shows all on different days.) I bet the kids are pros by the end of the week
Had this with Dd 1 school. With Dd 3 school each year does a separate play,just one performance but no tickets and enough room for all.
I can't remember the exact words as a few years ago but it was very much how sexy I was and about meeting up. I was so flustered I showed my DH, who laughed, he is not the jealous type. The bloke worked for the local water board, that I do remember as he had sent it from his works email address.
I got there half an hour early yesterday and was the first there! Stood and froze in the cold for about 15 mins until everyone else turned up . At least I got to sit in the front row though, so happy days
YANBU, that's just not fair.
My pet peeve this year was that there was loads of room (3 tier theatre!!) for all the parents to see & sit down, & people wouldn't move upstairs to the tier there, so they sat in the aisles to film the whole thing on their iPads or camcorders. The Year 10s who were supposed to be ushers were nearly in tears at the people who wouldn't move.
YANBU - it's ridiculous
I think I'm going to email the HT to ask her to ban tablets next year. I was in the 2nd row (got there about an hour before the thing started) but even so, my view was entirely blocked by the people in front of me holding up their ipads next to their heads.
And next to me kneeling on the floor was a mother with a telephoto lens SLR, clicking away. It was like being at a bloody celeb press conference, not an infant school nativity
Ours is supposed to be organised but it's not. The number of seats and tickets never adds up to the number of people attending.
Despite the no photo rule - the kids are being filmed & photographed.
For 3 years so many people turned up, several of us were left to watch through the double doors to the hall...try explaining that to an autistic child who just doesn't understand why people don't follow the rules. I've got there an hour before hand and still couldn't get in.
Ever since the last play, where not only was I stood outside, kids were screaming and crying - it was impossible to hear anything and the play had to stopped twice for the head to get people to move their cars that were either parked illigally or blocking other's driveways, neither of the kids have bothered to take part in any plays or performances and I've not bothered buying any more tickets. It's not just me either - there's another 2 families that I know of who have given up. I've explained why to the head only to be fobbed off with promises that they will be harsher the next year. They never are.
Yanbu. The pta at our school always got the front seats reserved. Fair enough if you are helping out etc. However they reserve them for their whole family, grandparents etc.
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