To feel a bit pissed off about this gift (I think I am)

(50 Posts)
Gossipmonster Mon 16-Dec-13 21:44:31

OH and I have 6 DC (none together). I have one DD (14) and two DS, OH has two DDS and 1 DS.

My DC live with me, we see his DC as often as possible (his 2 DDs 6 and 8) come every other weekend when he is not away with work.

All 3 of our DDs are massively into 1D, although I think DSD who is 6 copies her sister a bit.

We agreed to spend the same on all DC this Xmas. in the past OH has gone a bit OTT with his DC (esp the girls when little) and a lot of their gifts discarded/broken before they could take them home which greatly upset me. He has calmed it down a lot the last couple of yrs.

DD (14) desperately wanted the 1D perfume which I have got her think it was £30 - its the 1st time I have ever bought her a (what I consider a rather pricy) perfume and we got the girls a 1D doll each.

OH has then bought both the girls a bottle of the perfume (each!) which has really pissed me off. I think partly because I think it's ridiculous to buy a 6 yr old a bottle of £30 perfume which will just get sprayed around the house the week we have them, and partly because I wanted DD to feel a little bit more sophisticated even though they are all into the same band.

I am not going to say anything to him but want to know if IABU feeling like this?

MammaTJ Mon 16-Dec-13 21:49:12

It doesn't matter whether YABU, because even if you're not (and you're not) you are on a hiding to nothing as. Wicked step mum! grin

Gossipmonster Mon 16-Dec-13 21:51:11

Ah but I am not a step-mum we aren't married grin.

I love them to death - I can just invisage the stench and my buttocks clenching at the waste.

pictish Mon 16-Dec-13 21:52:31

Yanbu...what a wasteful man he is.

On the other hand - One Direction have a perfume? Will they stop at nothing to get kids to part with their parents cash?

FortyDoorsToNowhere Mon 16-Dec-13 21:52:57

The perfume is a red herring, but if you agreed on spending £100 on each child that's a huge chunk of of the limit for a 6 year who could have a something else like a massive supply of arts stuff to open

bubblesausage Mon 16-Dec-13 21:53:32

I don't think you abu I can see where you're coming from, does seem ridiculous to give a 6yr old such expensive perfume, and I'm assuming the dolls for the younger ones were instead of perfume.

FortyDoorsToNowhere Mon 16-Dec-13 21:54:45

why would any girl want to smell like a sweaty boy band lol

ExitPursuedByAChristmasGrinch Mon 16-Dec-13 21:55:57

YANBU. he is being an indulgent Dad.

littleblackno Mon 16-Dec-13 21:57:35

YANBU I would speak to him about it. What would their mum think? I would be really pissed off if my exh bought that for our 1d mad 6 yr old and would be happy if his gf said something. Some men don't seem to have a clue on what is age appropriate and have more money than sense. (I know some women don't either).

ChunkyPickle Mon 16-Dec-13 21:57:55

I do think it's a bit ridiculous - plus, it means that your DD doesn't get to bestow a puff upon the younger ones in a benevolent fashion, which would probably be just as exciting as having a whole bottle to themselves (which becomes more mundane)..

TBH the money isn't really the point, more the exclusivity/pointlessness I think.

It's a crap gift for a 6 year old. Really, really pointless.

But it's his kids and his mistake to make.

Gossipmonster Mon 16-Dec-13 22:01:28

I don't want to piss all over his parade but yes I do not feel the 6 yr old esp will appreciate it really and I thought the dolls were more age appropriate for them and yes DD got the feel like the older sophisticated sister rather than possibly feeling a bit silly.

I will tell her later after I have given it that they have one too as we won't see OH or DSDs on Xmas day.

Gossipmonster Mon 16-Dec-13 22:06:18

ChunkyPickle YES!! Exactly that!

Backtobedlam Mon 16-Dec-13 22:06:23

YANBU-it shows little thought on his part. There's so many other things (even 1D related) that are more suitable for a 6yr old. It's almost like he's treating them as 'the girls' rather than individuals.

Gossipmonster Mon 16-Dec-13 22:08:31

Backtobedlam don't even go there - when I met him he used to just focus on the 9yr old and tell everyone when he was picking her up!! hmm

I pointed out he has two daughters and he now treats them equally but not always as separate entities but we have progressed somewhat!!

formerbabe Mon 16-Dec-13 22:16:31

YABU and its not worth the argument IMO.

SeaSickSal Mon 16-Dec-13 22:18:05

So you buy it for your daughter and you're a great Mum. He buys it for his daughters and he is 'wasteful'.

And you complain that they break their presents and it's pointless him spending money on them. And you see them enjoying their presents as a buttock clenching waste.

Sorry, you may protest that you love them to death but you sound really resentful to me.

When he buys them something appropriate like toys you complain they break them, he's bought something else and you moan about that too. I have a feeling no matter what he bought you'd complain about anything bar a satsuma or a lump of coal.

When your kids were little and broke their Christmas presents did you stop giving them nice things?

Nerfmother Mon 16-Dec-13 22:21:37

Being careful here, but do you think she will want the perfume? Dd is 15 and a massive fan, but any 1d themed stuff is met with derision? If have thought 1d perfume for a six year old much more appropriate than for a 14 year old, who'd probably want angel or body shop stuff?

ImperialBlether Mon 16-Dec-13 22:23:23

Seasick, that is the strangest interpretation of a thread that I have ever read.

Gossipmonster Mon 16-Dec-13 22:25:12

She def wants it - she asked for it.

She allergic to body shop stuff.

I never said I was a great mum hmm.

I think £30 on perfume for a 6 yr old is silly.

I don't resent my step kids. I did resent finding things (games etc) I bought them scattered all over the house and trodden on a day later.

He needs to learn the difference between treating them equally and treating them identically - it is perfectly possible to treat them all equally without buying them the same thing - £30 perfume is a completely daft present for a child that young - it will be wasted.

lifesgreatquestions Mon 16-Dec-13 22:31:33

Things will never be equal so long as he isn't living with his children. It sounds to me that he just looks for ways to make them feel special to make up for not living with them. He may not be finding the"best" way to do that, but I applaud his trying. Of course a£30 perfume is a waste on the young ones. Does he have someone to talk to about it?

Nerfmother Mon 16-Dec-13 22:32:14

That's okay then, I wouldn't worry. At least they won't be nicking hers.

justgirl Mon 16-Dec-13 22:32:25

I agree ImperialBlether!!!!

BrickorCleat Mon 16-Dec-13 22:35:20

It's a lovely thought for your DD, and is a surprisingly sophisticated non-cheap smelling perfume. (Tricked in a blind smell after I was snotty about it!).

Totally inappropriate for 6 year old. Your OH clearly overcompensating for something.

Just deep breaths...

FirstOnRecallDay Mon 16-Dec-13 22:37:12

Just thought I'd say, the perfume is actually v nice, if it wasn't 1D I would probably buy it for myself grin

Gossipmonster Mon 16-Dec-13 22:39:11

Excellent - maybe I can nick some of DSDs before she sprays it on the cat!! grin

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams Mon 16-Dec-13 22:45:08

Is it possible that he is just crap at present buying and thought "she has a daughter and she has bought X. I have two daughters so Ill buy them X too"

Gossipmonster Mon 16-Dec-13 22:46:02

No he got his first!!

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams Mon 16-Dec-13 22:51:43

Im confused
You said in your OP you got it. Then dp got it.

Gossipmonster Mon 16-Dec-13 22:56:53

I told him I was getting it somewhere it was cheaper - he then ordered two before I ordered mine.


PS, adds are selling one direction, singing tooth brushes and one direction perfume wink

Not perfume ! Toothpaste !!

Asda, not adds... hmm

bigpaws Tue 17-Dec-13 04:13:01

Thanks for that Apocalypse - that's another £8 stocking filler!!

Regarding the perfume, IMO YANBU. However, assuming your DP has kept within the agreed budget you are spending on each child, then I don't think it is an issue. However, there are many more age appropriate gifts for a 6yo

I confess I have bought the £30 bottle for my DD 8yrs. It seems a very expensive perfume for the young fans - I imagine it is aimed at the teen market?

We are being conned!! Maybe I should go and delete the 1D toothbrush and toothpaste from my ASDA.COM shop?!! blush

SavoyCabbage Tue 17-Dec-13 07:27:20

Perfume for a six year old doesn't sound much fun and it is taking the shine off your dds gift.

The younger girls should really be getting lego (unbreakablewink) or something they can actually play with.

lifeissweet Tue 17-Dec-13 07:36:19

I remember when I was about 10 and my sister was 5 years younger. I was given a present I thought was wonderful and all for me because my Mum had listened to what I wanted. I was livid 10 minutes later when my 5 year old sister opened the same gift. I can clearly remember trying to articulate badly to Mum that it was 'my thing'. I agree that your DD will probably not be happy that her much smaller DSS's are getting the same thing. Taking the shine off is a good way to put it.

scaevola Tue 17-Dec-13 07:40:19


Overpriced sleb scent for a 14 yo: ugh, but age appropriate.
Overpriced sleb scent for 8 and 6 yos: ugh and unsuitable.

pianodoodle Tue 17-Dec-13 07:55:28

If I'd got that as a 6yr old it would have indeed been wasted probably in a day. I can imagine it being sprayed on teddy bears etc... til the whole house stinks smile

Not much you can say I suppose but yes it wouldn't be my idea of a good gift for a girl so small - hope you don't get too choked! grin

pianodoodle Tue 17-Dec-13 07:56:55

Also, I remember the first couple of years after my dad left and some of the presents he sent... You could definitely tell it had been mum choosing all our presents up until that stage wink

gingermop Tue 17-Dec-13 08:00:31

yabu for spending £30 on it grin I brought it for dd from tesco on offer with body lotion for £14 .

Nanny0gg Tue 17-Dec-13 08:29:03


Does his son not come over with his sisters?
What's he getting for Christmas?


queryremelatonin Tue 17-Dec-13 09:10:54

"I have a feeling no matter what he bought you'd complain about anything bar a satsuma or a lump of coal".

I don't think that's the case. But on the plus side, I'm fairly sure you can now get 1D branded satsumas. And lumps of coal.

There is no merchandise avenue they have not exploited.

JohnnyUtah Tue 17-Dec-13 09:15:57


But, as you recognise, you probably cant do anything about it. Can you return the perfume you had for your dd and get her something more grown up ( Clinique, Calvin Klein?)

TimothyToot Tue 17-Dec-13 09:24:35

I bought dd a bottle of Disney perfume last year in B&M for £1.95.....she is 5 and loved it. She still has some of it but most of it got spayed around the house on the first day, it is a total waste of money (which I knew it would be) but I got the cheapest one I could for that reason.

Upcycled Tue 17-Dec-13 09:36:45

You are both being unreasonable by encouraging young girls to go crazy about celebrities in my opinion.

StickyProblem Tue 17-Dec-13 09:37:55

YANBU OP but my DP does this with our DD. I get very organised and get everything sent over, and he rocks up to Robert Dyas and gets some overpriced tat. The thing is, he really wants to buy his OWN thing for DD. I don't even include it in my wrapping-label-sticky bow production line, so he knows he's done it all himself.

Grit your teeth but explain to him why the perfume was to help the older DD feel more exclusive.

Gossipmonster Tue 17-Dec-13 11:43:00

DSS is grown up .... & different mum...

Curlyweasel Tue 17-Dec-13 12:15:01

I'd go with JohnnyUtah's suggestion - take it back and exchange for something a bit more grown up (but not too grown up)... L'Eau Par Kenzo is lovely...

bigpaws Wed 18-Dec-13 05:21:27

No don't take it back. Your DD will love the perfume and it is age appropriate for her.

Next year, could you be more discrete about what you have bought your DD?! That way he can't duplicate your presents with his younger DDs.

IMO, as long as you are both keeping within the agreed budget, then on this occasion you should let it go.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now