To be furious about this, and should I report?

(80 Posts)
DoYouLikeMyBaubles Mon 16-Dec-13 21:15:04

My job involves going into homes and sometimes schools.

Today the yr11's had to pay a pound to go to the show taking part in the afternoon (i believe its a talent show, some awards etc)

One lad in the group said he couldn't pay a pound. The teacher kept asking him why, and said have you got a pound?

He said yes, but it's for his dinner tomorrow.

Now it's pretty obvious the lad doesnt look well off, from his clothing etc.

Yet the teacher carried on in front of the whole class saying 'why cant you spare a pound. It's JUST a pound, stop being selfish' and kids in the class started joining in.

The boy looked so uncomfortable, it was heartbreaking. In the end he gave the pound.

Afterwards I had a word with the teacher, who still had the view that the boy was being selfish.

Was I unreasonable, and should I report it? Or would I be being silly?

I'd report, that's pretty awful sad

smallandimperfectlyformed Mon 16-Dec-13 21:16:25

Report it, that's horrible of the teacher - they should have more empathy than that.

drivingmisslazy Mon 16-Dec-13 21:16:43

I'd report it, poor boy.

darkdays Mon 16-Dec-13 21:17:07

How humiliating for the poor boy! Report it.

merryxmasyafilthyanimal Mon 16-Dec-13 21:17:45

Report it! How rude

FudgefaceMcZ Mon 16-Dec-13 21:18:25

Yes you should report it, that's horrible. Have not been in exactly that boy's situation but have been in the situation where a bully smashed my school dinner and as a result I had nothing to eat that whole day because unlike some kids we did not have spare cash to carry about all day. Poor kid may well be going hungry tomorrow because of that twatty teacher sad

mumofthemonsters808 Mon 16-Dec-13 21:18:28

Disgusting, the poor lad.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Mon 16-Dec-13 21:18:45

I think I might go in tomorrow. I'm also worried about him having nothing to eat tomorrow.

That poor boy should have someone to stand up for him to say "this is not right, you do not have to put up with being treated this way" because he probably thinks it's normal, or he has no voice or power to change it.
Getting the other children to start on him as well is just awful beyond words. I feel so sad for him.

brettgirl2 Mon 16-Dec-13 21:19:19

The teacher maybe knows the circumstances better than you? Year 11s looking scruffy doesn't make them poor. In fact sometimes the opposite is in fact true.

Yes report it

What a fucking prick

What is 'only a pound' to him is that boys lunch tomorrow and the chances are his parents don't have any extra so he may have to go without lunch now angry

saulaboutme Mon 16-Dec-13 21:20:10

Report her, she went too far and humiliated him. No compassion.

Shakey1500 Mon 16-Dec-13 21:20:26

I'd report it definitely. And try and slip the poor lad a pound sad

knittedslippersx3 Mon 16-Dec-13 21:20:54

Not being silly at all. I would report it. Some teachers should have training in empathy. Most are lovely and caring but just a few lack the nurturing instinct sadly.

MoominsYonisAreScary Mon 16-Dec-13 21:20:55

Thats awful go in and report it, I would

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Mon 16-Dec-13 21:21:33

The teacher maybe knows the circumstances better than you? Year 11s looking scruffy doesn't make them poor. In fact sometimes the opposite is in fact true

Even if he isn't poor, does she has the right to make him uncomfortable and bully him into giving money do you think?

And the boy I'm afraid to say did look obviously poor, not just 'scruffy teen boy'.

formerbabe Mon 16-Dec-13 21:21:57

Report definitely...I have to say my heart broke reading that.

brettgirl Possibly, but seeing as the teacher then allowed the rest of the class to join in, that's hugely unprofessional

greenbananas Mon 16-Dec-13 21:22:08

Yes, report it. This teacher clearly has no idea! Poor lad angry

I once worked with a teacher who had a go at the children who said they couldn't do their set homework because they didn't own the necessary coloured felt tipped pens. She didn't belive them, because she had no clue what real poverty and social deprivation actually meant to the children in her class. She made then feel so small. .. I was only a lowly supply TA, but reported her to the headteacher, who took it really seriously

MissWinter01 Mon 16-Dec-13 21:22:16

Feel so sorry for this poor DC. I think you are perfectly within your rights to report it.

That's terrible! angry sad

brettgirl the boy said the money was for his dinner, and was eventually bullied into handing it over.
Even if that weren't true that it WAS his dinner money, and he was loaded, the humiliating way he was treated should not go unchallenged.
I'd have happily given him his lunch money back.

TheRobberBride Mon 16-Dec-13 21:22:59

I would report the teacher. £1 can be a lot of money to some people. There is no excuse for humiliating a child in this way.

caramelwaffle Mon 16-Dec-13 21:23:01

Report. In writing. Ask for a response in writing within X amount of time and CC in relevant superiors.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Mon 16-Dec-13 21:23:08

Right I shall go in tomorrow. I won't be able to sleep otherwise.

I hope he has a lunch pass sad

NatashaBee Mon 16-Dec-13 21:23:17

That's shocking sad Yes, you should definitely report it. How awful.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Mon 16-Dec-13 21:23:48

Report. In writing. Ask for a response in writing within X amount of time and CC in relevant superiors

Thankyou, will do just that.

Thanks for the input everyone.

phantomnamechanger Mon 16-Dec-13 21:24:12

I'd like to think the teacher knew the student, his family circumstances, and that he was just trying it on, and that this was just friendly banter, but it does not sound like it. sad

thecatfromjapan Mon 16-Dec-13 21:24:12

Report it.

Twoandtwomakeschaos Mon 16-Dec-13 21:24:23

I'd report and slip him a pound.

ElvisJesusAndCocaCola Mon 16-Dec-13 21:24:42

In similar circumstances, I would have found a way to find one of my students the money - perhaps for helping me either an easy errand (not being made to earn it in a punishment/I'm better the. You kind of way, though). Many of my colleagues would do something similar.


brettgirl2 Mon 16-Dec-13 21:24:48

I'm just trying to be fair, the op has not met any of these people before. Perhaps he is just known for being tight and having a bit of a laugh? I don't believe a teacher would make him hand it over if he couldn't.

WireCatGlitteryBaubles Mon 16-Dec-13 21:25:22

Report it.

I had no money as a teen at high school. If my free school meals ran out then I may have had some.

I'd have felt even crapper than normal.

She was not at all professional & IMO may have started a bullying campaign.

minimalisthoarder Mon 16-Dec-13 21:25:24

Sounds like bullying to me. Report it - if the teacher genuinely hasn't done anything wrong, it'll soon be found out.

Straitjacket Mon 16-Dec-13 21:25:28

Definitely report! That poor boy sad

MatryoshkaDoll Mon 16-Dec-13 21:25:42

Report. Even if he had a hundred pounds in loose change he was under no obligation to part with any of it just because the teacher demanded it.

Sounds like an awful situation. The poor boy. It's really good he's got someone like you in his corner.

brettgirl2 Mon 16-Dec-13 21:27:40

I used to teach and honestly ime those who could least afford it parted with cash for charity most readily sad .

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Mon 16-Dec-13 21:30:14

brettgirl I have met both the teacher and the boy before. And his younger brother.

hoobypickypicky Mon 16-Dec-13 21:30:34

Please report, put it in writing and demand a written reply. That's awful OP. sad

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Mon 16-Dec-13 21:31:56

two I did feel like giving him some money then remembered how proud I was at his age and didn't want to embarrass him further. Arrgh I should have given him some.

Chippednailvarnish Mon 16-Dec-13 21:32:02

The issue isn't if he could afford to give the pound. The issue is the bullying attitude of the teacher...

wongadotmom Mon 16-Dec-13 21:32:43

Yes report the bully.
Evil prevails when good people do nothing.

ChrisMooseMickey Mon 16-Dec-13 21:34:49

Thats so awful sad definately report it!!

brettgirl2 Mon 16-Dec-13 21:35:06

so you report.

all I'm saying is when I was a year 11 tutor two of the poorest kids would hand over their pound first.

brettgirl2 Mon 16-Dec-13 21:35:50

and they were also the smartest dressed

Mim78 Mon 16-Dec-13 21:41:01

Report it, definitely.

MinesAPintOfTea Mon 16-Dec-13 21:46:59

Brett reading between the lines the op is professionally involved with this boy and knows the situation well enough to judge. And even if he was being tight the response should be "see me at break" to discuss the mater without an audience or "ok, you'll miss out then". Not humiliation.

Report it op

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Mon 16-Dec-13 21:49:12

Yes mines is right, I didn't want to go into too much detail in the OP

DejaVuAllOverAgain Mon 16-Dec-13 21:49:13

brettgirl2 if the boy had been the son of a millionaire the teacher had no right to humiliate him like that. Encouraging the other children to join in is bullying pure and simple.


DoYouLikeMyBaubles Tue 17-Dec-13 20:12:51

I went in this morning, was lucky enough to get a meeting with the head then and there (shine a light, can't do this for my own kid)

She wasn't impressed at all, and assured me she would be taking it further, I mentioned I'd put it into writing and would refer further if needed. She did express that the boy was having a hard time, and this probably made it that bit worse so was completely unacceptable on the teacher's part.

She also said she'd make sure he got a meal, without being too intrusive about it - and would see if both lads are getting free school meals etc, and any support they might need (although I do question why this isnt happening anyway since she acknowledged he was having a hard time of it)

I'll be back in the school possibly after christmas, I'll ask if it has been 'resolved', without asking for detail obviously.

Thankyou everyone for your input.

Gruntfuttock Tue 17-Dec-13 20:16:01

Thank goodness you were there to witness this and do something about it. That poor boy.

Tapiocapearl Tue 17-Dec-13 20:16:50

Well done!

Twoandtwomakeschaos Tue 17-Dec-13 20:19:29

Hindsight or being out of the situation is a wonderful thing, Baubles. Glad you seem to have got some satidfaction from the Head. YY, the bullying/humiliation is an issue, but the lack of the £1 for food is also important particularly to a hungry teenager!!.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Tue 17-Dec-13 20:19:50

Please report. This could be my boy in a few years if circumstances dont change and i know my best friends teen son only has money for lunch if she has anything spare. She's really struggling and it would break her heart to think of him being humiliated like that.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Tue 17-Dec-13 20:21:11

Oops! I see you did. Well done OP.glad the head teacher is in agreement.

ladymariner Tue 17-Dec-13 20:28:53

Well done Op, the teachers behaviour was completely unacceptable. You definitely did the right thing, and by doing so have hopefully made a big difference to the boys life in the future.

Ruffcat Tue 17-Dec-13 20:41:53

Well done op, poor boy I remember when we were really poor and couldn't really afford ds's bus fare and stupidly gave him the trolley token instead of a pound coin. He felt very ashamed when the bus driver wouldn't accept it.

Tulip26 Tue 17-Dec-13 20:44:29

That poor child. He'll remember this in years to come. It's not his fault.

Only £1 for lunch? That won't buy much for a hungry teenager and if he asks for more at home I doubt his parents would believe where it went.

There seem to be too many bullying teacher stories on here lately, it's upsetting to read.

ChampagneTastes Tue 17-Dec-13 20:46:11

Well done OP.

FunkyBoldRibena Tue 17-Dec-13 20:51:31

Why are they having to pay to get into a school show? That's outrageous in the first place.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Tue 17-Dec-13 20:54:58

I did ask about that actually funky, the money doesn't go to charity or anything, those who don't pay sit in a room with the teacher confused

which I think is where the teacher's 'selfish' comments came from, she may have had to stay behind with him.

I hmm 'd at that too.

FunkyBoldRibena Tue 17-Dec-13 21:10:13

I think I might take that up with ofsted to be honest, how is that in any way meeting equality and diversity? I'm fuming on his behalf.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Tue 17-Dec-13 21:12:21

Yes you're right, now I've sorted out the initial issue that one has become more apparent to me. I'll contact them. The school looks good on the service, suppose the cracks start to appear once you actually look...

Euphemia Tue 17-Dec-13 21:13:15

Well done, Baubles - the ghosts of Christmases past, present and yet to come will not be visiting you any time soon. fsmile

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Tue 17-Dec-13 21:18:32

Aww thankyou thanks

and thankyou to everyone else to. I'd like to think anyone in my place would do the same

EvilTwins Tue 17-Dec-13 21:19:59

I agree that the teacher's attitude was crap. However, I also think it's crap that, if the school are aware of the issue, they haven't already investigated eligibility for free school meals. Ofsted wouldn't give a shit, btw- not their remit.

MildDrPepperAddiction Tue 17-Dec-13 21:20:28

Report it. She sounds awful. That poor boy. hmm

Well done OP

Springcleanish Tue 17-Dec-13 21:47:29

I'd hope the teacher was fully aware of the pupils situation and acting on her knowledge. On non-uniform days we often only have a 60% pay rate, despite being a reasonably affluent middle class area. Why? Because the kids don't hand over the money and keep it for themselves. This is despite the efforts of teachers to promote the importance of charity and giving.
How do people know from outside of the situation that the boy was being humiliated or whether he was taking a chance?

winkywinkola Tue 17-Dec-13 21:49:13

I would go for the jugular.

She assassinated his character. And in front of everyone.

Prize bitch.

EverythingIsTinselyBaubleyBoo Tue 17-Dec-13 21:50:19

Oh my goodness Baubles I have only just seen this thread, my heart was in my mouth reading it, I'm so pleased you took it further and made the HT aware. thanks for you

ButterflyJenn14 Tue 17-Dec-13 21:52:59

Report it for sure. That's not on at all. Even if the boy had all the money in the world to be made to feel like tht by his teacher and class mates isn't on at all. Poor thing. I hope he is able to have his lunch tomorrow and tht he is able to move on from that awful situation!

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Tue 17-Dec-13 21:55:24

Not sure if you read the update spring

It was clear the boy wasn't well off. Like I said it's not the first time I've seen him, and have had to see him one to one, and his brother - as well as other children but can't go into that.

I saw his reaction, he was clearly humiliated and close to tears. From seeing him interact in school, or rather lack of interaction it does seem he is an outside anyway. So I'm not sure where the 'outside situation' comment comes from when I was there - and posters can only go off what I'm saying.

Head confirmed there is a situation.

Also the difference being this is not a affluent area. The school is based directly in the middle of 3, and I'm not sure how to put this, shall we say not very well off areas.

thecatfromjapan Tue 17-Dec-13 22:00:04

thanks Baubles.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Tue 17-Dec-13 22:00:58

I'll sleep better knowing I've said something, I just feel this overwhelming protectiveness over the lad and I really should try not to.

Was horrible seeing him stand there, his trousers near his ankles, ripped blazer and no laces. Put on the spot, staring at the floor. It should be clear to anyone with a bit of compassion.

I'll keep my eye on the situation anyway, I doubt it'll happen again but I want to make sure he's getting support - I have a bit of leeway in a professional capacity to check on this so hopefully...

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Tue 17-Dec-13 22:01:41

Thanks for flowers everyone, very nice of you all.

winkywinkola Tue 17-Dec-13 22:02:19

Well, I hope a lot more is done to make sure children like this one are made to feel more part of the school community and not destroyed by awful, unprofessional hags like the one you've described.

This incident will stay with him for the rest of his life. Poor little sod, having his nose rubbed in his lack of money.

I'm astounded.

EverythingIsTinselyBaubleyBoo Tue 17-Dec-13 22:05:11

Does anyone else have this overwhelming urge to find this boy and give him a home hug sad

Baubles you are clearly a very compassionate, professional person, and boy is lucky to have you keeping an eye on him.

winkywinkola Tue 17-Dec-13 22:06:36

I would like to write to the HT myself!

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