to be so bloody angry with dh.

(37 Posts)
nightbird80 Tue 10-Dec-13 20:16:00

We have 3dc. 2 primary school aged and a toddler. I do virtually all housework and childdcare and run my own business. Not amazingly lucrative but I do make a profit. So I thought Ihave had a productive day today. Did all the basics such as feeding, dc.caring for toddler, 2 school runs , club runs, loading dishwasher etc.
I alsso managed two loads of washing and sorted out my stock aand di some banking. Sorting out my stock involved vacuuming the room it is stored in. I had to abandon vacuuming to sort out dinner for dc and club run. Dh now has a huge cobon because I left vacuum cleaner out.
Aibu to give him a list of what I have done today. I know he works hard but I work hard too.

SirChenjin Tue 10-Dec-13 20:17:46

No YANBU. I would also be inclined to shove the vacuum cleaner up his arse too.

monkeysox Tue 10-Dec-13 20:19:22

Shove no lube

WooWooOwl Tue 10-Dec-13 20:20:37

It's not worth getting into a competition where you each have to justify how much you do compared to the other. Your DH just needs to pick his battles and stop sweating the small stuff.

Does it really matter that much to him whether the Hoover is out or not? If it does, Then he has bigger problems than where the Hoover is.

nightbird80 Tue 10-Dec-13 20:20:51

Ok it was in the way abit but really.

RhondaJean Tue 10-Dec-13 20:21:17

Yep there would be a vacuum anus introduction here too.

Twat.

nightbird80 Tue 10-Dec-13 20:23:46

I think he thinks that I sit on my arse all day doing nothing.. it winds me up becsuse he sits on his arse most evenings doing nothing because he does a 12 to 13 hour day with commute and is tired.

By "in the way" do you mean just slightly on show in the way or tripping him up and breaking his leg in the way?

ExitPursuedByAChristmasGrinch Tue 10-Dec-13 20:26:34

YANBU.

SirChenjin Tue 10-Dec-13 20:30:07

If it was in his way then he should have moved it.

whereisshe Tue 10-Dec-13 20:31:21

Tell him since you're clearly not capable of cleaning the house properly he should feel free to take ALL household duties on henceforth.

Shallistopnow Tue 10-Dec-13 20:32:33

YANBU. My 'd'p thinks I do nothing as I'm looking for work at present and DD is at school. They have no idea. You sound like a really busy but great mum. Sometimes they just have to moan. Or in my case all the time but then we are very close to splitting.

GingaNinja Tue 10-Dec-13 20:33:19

YANBU.

He knows where the vac lives too, he lives in the house too. If it is in a place he finds objectionable he can shove it back where it belongs up his arse without lube as already mentioned

nightbird80 Tue 10-Dec-13 22:27:15

It was blocking a doorway into a room. Not difficult to move it though.

nennypops Tue 10-Dec-13 22:36:36

FGS, why the big fuss about a vacuum cleaner being in his majesty's way? Surely if it's a crime at all, all it deserves is a mild expression of annoyance, not a huge sulking fit. Tell him to grow up, there are worse horrors in life than having to move a vac.

SomethingkindaOod Tue 10-Dec-13 22:37:09

I've posted this before and it really works.
List everything. From the minute you get up to the minute you go to bed. Include when he gets up and what he does. I found a flow chart to be the best way to present it.
DH did something similar but included the phrase 'what do you do all day?' as well. So I told him. In great detail.
He has never done it again. Possibly through fear of receiving 3 pages of detailed information in chart form.

Oblique27 Tue 10-Dec-13 22:40:04

LTB! grin and never ever vacuum anywhere in the house again

SimplyRedHead Tue 10-Dec-13 22:43:55

Nothing to add but I'm smiling at the use of 'cob on' - one of the finest phrases in my midlands repatoire!

nightbird80 Wed 11-Dec-13 00:56:25

Love your user name simplyredhead

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight Wed 11-Dec-13 01:08:47

Lol at cob on. Black Country dialect smile

Did he break his toe on it? No? Then you obviously didn't place it correctly

grin

LuisCarol Wed 11-Dec-13 01:22:33

Why couldn't he put it away?

nightbird80 Wed 11-Dec-13 01:37:20

He did put it away but before doing so did the ffs type monologue. Even worse he put it away upstairs when I actually needed it downstairs. No injuries.

Bogeyface Wed 11-Dec-13 02:28:42

He put it upstairs on purpose, so you are as inconvenienced as he believes he was.

I would be inclined to say to him

"Are you pissed off about the hoover? Only you made hard work of putting it away upstairs"
"Blah blah, long day, commute, doing a job properly, putting things away, blah blah"
"Yes you are right. It would probably work better if I didnt leave it out like that wouldnt it?"
"WEll yes, it would!"
"You are right of course! So do you want to do the kids dinners or the hoovering, including the stock room?"

Ghostsdonttalk Wed 11-Dec-13 03:24:54

Maybe you could get him to read this:
More Sharing Services
THOUGHTS ON PARENTING…
HUMOR AND WORDS OF WISDOM BY VARIOUS AUTHORS

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.

As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap, and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.

She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked:

“What happened here today?’”

She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?”

“Yes,” was his incredulous reply.

She answered, ‘”Well, today I didn't do it!!"

Joysmum Wed 11-Dec-13 05:05:06

I'm a SAHM and hubby works long and unpredictable hours for us so that we can afford for me to not go out and earn.

I have in the past been a victim of my own success. Because I am well organised and efficient I can get everything done and leave no signs of what's been done. Because the house doesn't get filthy, hubby and daughter don't walk in and think hoovering/dusting/bathrooms/etc have been done because they never get filthy enough for there to be that much of a difference when it has been done. As washing/ironing is regularly done, nobody is ever short of cloths to wear so that never gets noticed either. We don't run out of food/drink that often as I keep spares and shop when the spares are opened.

All of this means nobody notices and whilst this is annoying and disheartening because what it do isn't appreciated and a well run home is taken as normal and for granted, the fact that it is seen as such is actually the greatest compliment if all.

I made my point with hubby in the early days by saying that when he's had a day off, I'd like one too. It soon became really obvious what I did when I asked when somebody was going feed the cats, tidy the house after the night before and load the dishwasher and clean, etc etc etc

I deliberately run the house so that when hubby and daughter get home, what I've needed to do is done and we all get quality time with nobody needing to do anything (although my DD now has her jobs to do).

SirChenjin Wed 11-Dec-13 08:05:51

So your DH does nothing around the house Joysmum?

CaptainHindsight Wed 11-Dec-13 08:08:37

If this was my house....

"Three friends married women from different parts of the world.

..The first man married a Greek girl

. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.

It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a Thai girl.

He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results but the next day he saw it was better.

By the third day he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table. ...

.The third man married a girl from Yorkshire.
He ordered her to keep the house cleaned,
dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table every day. The first day he didn't see anything,

the second day he didn't see anything either,

...... but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down,

he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

He still has some difficulty when he urinates."

picnicbasketcase Wed 11-Dec-13 08:10:45

OP's husband is being a dick. If something is in the way he can put it away himself, it's not a huge ask. However, I'm not sure jokes about punching people in the face is the way forward.

CaptainHindsight Wed 11-Dec-13 08:13:57

It wasn't just the face, he also took one to the groin grin

hope people take the joke in the spirit it was intended

nightbird80 Wed 11-Dec-13 08:41:21

I can only dream of a tidy house and laundry done etc. Everone in the house is so messy. Dh will moan at kids for not taking cups into the kitchen but almo2 every mum dhs mug or glass is sat on coff2 table. He knows I have to move it otherwise toddler will get it.

nightbird80 Wed 11-Dec-13 08:42:06

Almost and morning.

Lavenderhoney Wed 11-Dec-13 08:51:52

Ask him to empty out or change the bag before he puts it away.

Upset because the Hoover is not put away? He doesn't know he's born.

RhondaJean Wed 11-Dec-13 08:52:41

Move it onto his pillow.

Works wonders.

TantrumsStoleSantasBalloons Wed 11-Dec-13 08:55:58

joysmum I don't actually understand how that works tbh.
Your dd has to help around the house but your DH doesn't?

What if there was an emergency and you had to go away for a few days? Your dd would be able to run the house better than your DH, no?

If I were to come home and the Hoover was out, I would pick it up and put it back in the Hoover cupboard.
If DH came home and the Hoover was out, he would put it back in the Hoover cupboard.
If dd, ds1 or ds2 came home and the Hoover was out, they would put it in the Hoover cupboard.

And it would end there. That's common sense isn't it?

We all live in the house. If you see something that needs putting away, then you put it away

It doesn't require a conversation, or a medal for moving it, or tea and sympathy for having to move it.

You just fucking do it.

ChasedByBees Wed 11-Dec-13 08:58:27

He is quite massively taking you for granted. You need to have A Word.

TheHeadlessLadyofCannock Wed 11-Dec-13 09:06:37

He can fuck off, grow up, put the hoover away himself and remove it from his arse/throat.

In whatever order. grin

Donkeylovesmarzipanandmincepie Wed 11-Dec-13 09:09:17

3 small DCs or 1 older DD or child-free - it is DH's attitude that matters. If it hadn't been the vacuum cleaner would it have been something else that he metaphorically kicked? Is he always like this after work?

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