DH has started misusing "myself", like he's an estate agent or works in a call centre. WIBU to LTB?

(193 Posts)
MardyBra Tue 10-Dec-13 17:58:37

He had very good grammar when I married him in the last century.

It's very embarrassing.

StainlessSteelBegonia Tue 10-Dec-13 17:59:58

Does he send people "invites," too?

limitedperiodonly Tue 10-Dec-13 18:00:18

Hold a pillow firmly over his face tonight until he stops struggling.

It's the kindest thing.

MardyBra Tue 10-Dec-13 18:00:49

No, he's too lazy and antisocial to send any invitations.

Wifework is a whole other thread.

Bonsoir Tue 10-Dec-13 18:00:49

Send him for reprogramming?

MardyBra Tue 10-Dec-13 18:01:23

Would that defence stand up in court limited?

MardyBra Tue 10-Dec-13 18:02:36

We had a phone conversation earlier where he said:

"X dropped into the office this morning and took myself, Y and Z out to lunch."

I nearly hung up in "discust".

Dawndonnaagain Tue 10-Dec-13 18:02:39

Myself, I'd give him one last chance!

MardyBra Tue 10-Dec-13 18:04:04

wink Dawn

PoshPaula Tue 10-Dec-13 18:04:11

It's unreasonable behaviour. You've got grounds.

MardyBra Tue 10-Dec-13 18:05:02

I haven't heard any evidence of him misusing "yourself". It's all about him, isn't it?

RevoltingPeasant Tue 10-Dec-13 18:06:26

It that a problem for yourself, then?


weregoingtothezoo Tue 10-Dec-13 18:08:14

Misusing "yourself" is a more serious symptom of the disease, followed by "themself".
It always escalates, I tell you!

weregoingtothezoo Tue 10-Dec-13 18:09:25

Or even "themselves"... fblush

RevoltingPeasant Tue 10-Dec-13 18:09:25

Also, this is totally snobby of me, but <snigger> at 'like an estate agent'. So true.

MardyBra Tue 10-Dec-13 18:11:00

Apologies to any estate agents who have reasonable grammar.

ClausIsTrulyReal Tue 10-Dec-13 18:13:17

I flicked thtough the title and expected this thread to be about, erm, self pleasure.

Myself apologises.

limitedperiodonly Tue 10-Dec-13 18:14:21

mardy if you use a very fluffy pillow it won't bruise and the doctor will put 'natural causes' on the death certificate.

I've heard.

ShriekingGnawer Tue 10-Dec-13 18:14:31

The only answer is to hit him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper. This must happen every time he gets it wrong. Even if you have to go to his work to do it.

Incidentally, I misread the thread title as 'my DH is abusing himself like an estate agent'.

youretoastmildred Tue 10-Dec-13 18:15:25

MardyBra, what are you getting from this relationship now?

You did not cause the bad grammar, you cannot control the bad grammar, you are not responsible for the bad grammar.

I don't mean to be alarmist but "the script" is that this is usually the step that precedes emphasising the wrong word in a sentence, like "we will now be leaving for the airport" instead of "we will now be leaving for the airport. "

Call Women's Aid.


Writerwannabe83 Tue 10-Dec-13 18:15:44

I was expecting an amusing story about Estate Agents and masturbation too... grin

lottiegarbanzo Tue 10-Dec-13 18:18:40

Does he use your name every time he pauses, too? 'Mardy, what I'd like to suggest for yourself, Mardy, is that myself and yourself, Mardy, might like to proceed, Mardy, in a pubwardwise direction, Mardy, if that would seem appropriate to yourself?'

limitedperiodonly Tue 10-Dec-13 18:19:31

Misusing "yourself" is a more serious symptom of the disease

Not to mention disgraceful weregoingtothezoo.

I knew someone who'd start speeches with: 'I feel myself, personally...' which conjures up a distasteful image to this day.

It would have been personal, btw. I can't imagine anyone else feeling him unless she was paid and he was too tight to do that.

NewtRipley Tue 10-Dec-13 18:21:00

yy youretoast

He needs to want to stop, himself.

To stand up in a room of estate agents and police people and say "Like yourselves, I myself am a pompous language abuser"

MardyBra Tue 10-Dec-13 18:22:33

confused at all the estate agent wanking images.

MardyBra Tue 10-Dec-13 18:23:52

lottie I think he's probably forgotten my name.

NewtRipley Tue 10-Dec-13 18:25:16

He'll be calling you "dear" soon and asking to wear matching fleeces

limitedperiodonly Tue 10-Dec-13 18:26:03

That should have read: 'I feel, myself, personally...'

Note the comma after 'feel'.

I'm now going to thrash myself soundly with a copy of Eats, Shoots and Leaves.

Even though I hate Lynn Truss and the book is too small to do serious damage.

KrabbyPatty Tue 10-Dec-13 18:26:23

I've noticed my dh signs off his work e-mails with 'Kind regards' and sometimes abbreviates this to 'KR'.

This is almost as worrying as incorrect use of reflexive pronouns.

MardyBra Tue 10-Dec-13 18:26:32

I'm not sure if he's team "text" or "texted".

His IT team have provided him with a very fancy phone, which he uses for the sole purpose of making calls.

NewtRipley Tue 10-Dec-13 18:27:35

Does he say "Lidls" and "Westfields" and "Aldis"?

It does sound like a severe case.

Mardy, what do you, yourself, think you, yourself, should do about it, Mardy?

I have a similar problem in that my DP says, ''You OK'' as a greeting rather than Hello. As we live oop north it confuses people massively who mumble, er yeah thanks and wonder why he didn't just say hello ffs. He says its a Norfolk thing, I pinch his thigh every time he does it. I see myself as the Barbara Woodhouse figure in his life, making him a better dog man. grin

(I felt obliged to add the grin, i'm fucking serious tho').

GoofyIsACow Tue 10-Dec-13 18:28:59

grin at this thread... I had a similar experience with a call centre bloke today who was going to 'email yourself a copy'


MardyBra Tue 10-Dec-13 18:29:34

Newt We don't have any of those where we live (dead posh, you know). He does say "Sainsbury's" but not "Waitrose's".

Lovelybitofsquirrel Tue 10-Dec-13 18:29:56

Best thread I've read in ages!! One of my pet hates. If he starts saying could of and should of then definitely ltb!

GoofyIsACow Tue 10-Dec-13 18:30:02

Newt... And mataland?

NewtRipley Tue 10-Dec-13 18:32:24


John Lewises? Surely


My mum call her car a Ford Kay Ay, thus missing the whole point of the KA/car pun

PenguinsDontEatPancakes Tue 10-Dec-13 18:34:25


What is wrong with kind regards? it is standard business sign off on emails surely?

MardyBra Tue 10-Dec-13 18:35:40

Tee That doesn't sound that ungrammatical.

It's when people use yourself instead of "you" that I get the rage.

The call centre people are the worst.
"Can you bear with myself while I look up the details?"
"I'll send yourself a copy in the post."

PenguinsDontEatPancakes Tue 10-Dec-13 18:35:50

My parents also called the Ka a K A as they said it was confusing with their other car otherwise hmm . Thank god that they now have a fiesta.

MardyBra Tue 10-Dec-13 18:36:11

"Kind regards" is fine. KR is odd.

KrabbyPatty Tue 10-Dec-13 18:36:33

Kind regards is ok, but KR? A bit wanky, surely?

LineRunner Tue 10-Dec-13 18:38:23

I'm afraid I was also expecting to read about your husband pleasuring himself senseless in the fashion of actual professional wankers estate agents.

NewtRipley Tue 10-Dec-13 18:38:37
lottiegarbanzo Tue 10-Dec-13 18:39:23

KR would confuse - I'd think it was either someone with those initials signing on his behalf, or some sort of Knight-based honorific.

NewtRipley Tue 10-Dec-13 18:40:56



I have never seen KR. Not even from an estate agent.

GoofyIsACow Tue 10-Dec-13 18:46:23

Eurgh... Yes I have seen KR, just fucking lazy... Although probably better than a typo I once saw 'kind retards' shock blush

MardyBra Tue 10-Dec-13 18:46:27

Very funny link newt

And so odd seeing all those celebs in the audience with their '80s hair and shoulder pads.

PenguinsDontEatPancakes Tue 10-Dec-13 18:46:58

Yes krabby, KR is wanky. Thought you were objecting to kind regards too. smile Recently saw BW for best wishes too.shock

MardyBra Tue 10-Dec-13 18:47:12

I have a habit of typing "kind retards". I've taken to signing off with "all the best".

sandalsinthebin Tue 10-Dec-13 18:53:29

DH has recently started intoning up at the end of sentences, so every sentence sounds like a question....just like a Californian valley girl (he's 55). So twattish. Just WHY?

louwn Tue 10-Dec-13 18:55:22

The yourself thing makes me cringe and laugh at the terrible grammar! I like to think I work with clever, well educated people but have heard it in a work context from one guy, I almost threw a stapler at his head.

limitedperiodonly Tue 10-Dec-13 18:55:35

I never get cold calls from call centres.

I feel smug about that now but I imagine that in 25 years time, when I'm forgotten because I haven't invested nearly enough time making friends, I might welcome someone from whichever is the tiger economy of the time pretending to know about EastEnders and asking if I am wetting myself tonight.

I don't feel confident about much about the future except the longevity of EastEnders and the inevitability of incontinence.

NewtRipley Tue 10-Dec-13 18:56:40


Oh no? Like that's just so annoying?

MY DH, on the other hand says things that sound incredibly snappy and rude until I twig that he's "being" Basil Fawlty. Literally took me 10 years of marriage to realise that him saying "I KNOW, I KNOW!" every time I asked him to do something because he was quoting a Fawlty Towers sketch.

MardyBra Tue 10-Dec-13 18:58:43

DD has the upwards intonation and, like, sporadic use of "like".

NewtRipley Tue 10-Dec-13 18:59:49


Ikr (Iknow, right)

Does he hang around with people with crap grammar? I think you should of seen this coming.

MardyBra Tue 10-Dec-13 19:00:46

I was ridiculed by my teenage for not, like, knowing what "yolo" meant recently.

NewtRipley Tue 10-Dec-13 19:00:56

It seems to be the thing round here for perfectly normal girls to talk like (correct use of like) something from Made In Chelsea

ShirakawaKaede Tue 10-Dec-13 19:01:22

I'm sorry, I can't resist:

"Allow myself to introduce.... myself"

(from Austin Powers - just made me think of it).

MardyBra Tue 10-Dec-13 19:01:54


(am trying very hard to avoid typos and poor grammar on this thread)

I worked on a helpline for two years and have NEVER used "my/your/themselves" in that way....

.........So we're not all bad grin

PoshPaula Tue 10-Dec-13 19:03:54

I've had nearly seven years of "not being funny, but..." In front of almost every sentence at times. Another favourite of his is 'it is what it is'. I don't even understand that one. Intensely irritating.

MardyBra Tue 10-Dec-13 19:05:00

Scarlet I did apologise to all estate agents with reasonable grammar. I would like to extend that to anyone in a call centre or helpline who doesn't do this.

I knew I'd get into trouble somewhere. In fact, I'm surprised I managed three pages without a flaming.

sandalsinthebin Tue 10-Dec-13 19:05:52

Kind of forgivable for DDs and other girls but just not for a 55 year old man. It makes me want to punch him repeatedly until he stops it

MardyBra Tue 10-Dec-13 19:13:27

Anyway, I need to pop off for a bit.

I'll see yourselves later.

Preferthedogtothekids Tue 10-Dec-13 19:13:28

I, myself, felt I had to email an Estate Agent when they stated that a Victorian property had a 'dearth of wonderful period features!'.

DuchessFanny Tue 10-Dec-13 19:24:38

paula i say ' it is what it is ' ALL the time, I can see a tick forming by my husbands eye even though he says nothing and inwardly cringe.

Think I need to join a support group, but, you know ... It is what it is ...

PoshPaula Tue 10-Dec-13 19:43:56

I'm not being funny, but duchess that is very annoying.

mrsmalcolmreynolds Tue 10-Dec-13 19:44:46

Duchess I know this makes me a bit of a pedantic wanker (makes a change from the estate agents at least) bur I think in this context the word is "tic".

I actually broke up with a boyfriend once because he said 'it is what it is' all the fucking time.

PoshPaula Tue 10-Dec-13 20:03:48

I must say (massive generalisation alert) it does seem to be a phrase preferred by men rather than women.

PoshPaula Tue 10-Dec-13 20:06:09

One of the managers at work recently said 'I'm looking for my bang for my buck' and he was not joking.

Lovelybitofsquirrel Tue 10-Dec-13 20:08:29

Newt Love the Victoria Wood clip!

DuchessFanny Tue 10-Dec-13 20:11:01

It IS highly irritating I know this, yet cannot stop !

And yes, tic it is ... Bloody pedantic wanker grin ...

' at the end of the day ' is still worse IMHO

NewtRipley Tue 10-Dec-13 20:12:27

Prefer grin

Lovely - I love Victoria Wood.

tinkertitonk Tue 10-Dec-13 20:12:50


Nice work.

youretoastmildred Tue 10-Dec-13 20:17:30

I was astonished the other day when it turns out my boss is one who is always "turning round and" saying. And everyone he has ever talked to also turns round when they say anything. He really doesn't seem the type. All these people twirling and talking, twirling and talking....

SomewhereBeyondTheSea Tue 10-Dec-13 20:19:48

What DOES YOLO mean? blush

SomewhereBeyondTheSea Tue 10-Dec-13 20:20:26

PS. Please revert to myself soonest.

MardyBra Tue 10-Dec-13 20:23:29

Somewhere YOLO means "you only live once".
Its use is somewhat similar to "carpe diem".

ScaredToBeHonest Tue 10-Dec-13 20:25:02

My friend claims to be very particular about and is very vocal about spelling and grammar yet frequently misuses 'myself.'

I just smile and nod.

PoshPaula Tue 10-Dec-13 20:25:08

Sorry meant 'more bang for my buck'. Such a ridiculous phrase I can't get it right.

phantomnamechanger Tue 10-Dec-13 20:25:20

Well, basically, my problem is my SIL, who starts every bloomin sentence with the words "well, basically..."


PoshPaula Tue 10-Dec-13 20:27:51

Almost as bad as starting every phrase with 'You know what?' With a very slight American twang.

MardyBra Tue 10-Dec-13 20:29:12

I finished with a boyfriend once for, basically, saying "basically" all the time. I was only 14 at the time though.

AndHarry Tue 10-Dec-13 20:31:42

YANBU, my DH has just started doing that but I don't think I can pull him up on it until I've finally succeeded in stopping him finishing every question with 'or?' Sgjdffxgcgggccd angry Or WHAT?!!!!!!

lottiegarbanzo Tue 10-Dec-13 20:35:06

I don't like 'it is what it is' at all but mostly I find its useage (mostly by young, spotty men in cheap suits, estate agents or otherwise) laughable.

It has recent military origins, which is why it's been adopted more by men. It means 'some absolutely horrible, gruesome thing has happened, probably killing or maiming my colleagues, possibly as a result of a mistake, or accident, almost certainly serving no useful purpose. But, it is what it is' i.e. there is no point seeking to attribute blame, or even to understand, there is no reason. It just is and we must move forwards, quickly and calmly, from here.

That's quite profound really and very much the sentiment conveyed, about war as a whole, in Kurt Vonnegut's 'Slaughterhouse 5'.

So, when I hear some pallid youth, who'd be stumped if asked to do his on ironing, say, in earnest tones, 'it is what it is', about his best friend not being able to meet up for a 'cheeky pint' until 8.15, I think 'you silly twit, stop trying to attach an aura of gravitas to the mundane details of your comfortable life by seeking an association with a coping mechanism adopted by people functioning at the edge of humanity'.

justmyview Tue 10-Dec-13 20:36:21

"Myself and X are going out tonight .......... "

I love my DH dearly, but when I hear this, it sets my teeth on edge. I'm too polite to say anything, but I wince inside

LCHammer Tue 10-Dec-13 20:36:58

Is he German? Oder?

PoshPaula Tue 10-Dec-13 20:37:40

lottie fantastic post! you are why I love Mumsnet.

LCHammer Tue 10-Dec-13 20:37:45

Argh, that was to AndHarry.

lottiegarbanzo Tue 10-Dec-13 20:38:20

Also, estate agents - comprising. It does not compromise of. Not ever. It might consist of but it simply comprises. Ok? Thank you.

limitedperiodonly Tue 10-Dec-13 20:39:27

duchess I say 'it is what it is' a lot, so don't feel bad about that.

However, do feel bad for spelling tic tick.

LCHammer Tue 10-Dec-13 20:39:58

Good post, Lottie. I doubt as much thought goes into the phrase, however.

youretoastmildred Tue 10-Dec-13 20:41:22

lottiegarbanzo, great post on the incredible, blissful unselfconsciousness of men and the actual physical persona they present to the world

similar to a pub full of fat, bald, smoking, barely-able-to-jog-let-alone-run middle-aged men, watching a TV screen full of 20 year old gazelle-like athletes playing football with balletic grace. If one of them mis-times a kick by a fraction of a second, these sweating porcine animals roar "YOU DON-KAY!!!!!!!!!!" and I can't believe they don't know ... they just don't... I can't even...

Lovelybitofsquirrel Tue 10-Dec-13 20:42:42

Do you think you'll be able to improve his grammar going forward?
Really can't stand that expression!

lottiegarbanzo Tue 10-Dec-13 20:43:47

I don't think it's thought about but I do think it was picked up knowingly from military use, so is (or was originally, two or three years ago) used with a deliberate 'sounding really tough and purposeful' association.

limitedperiodonly Tue 10-Dec-13 20:44:01

Obviously I use it in that profound, Slaughterhouse 5, kind of way.

BTW, the only thing I wear in bed is Slaughterhouse 5 wink

PoshPaula Tue 10-Dec-13 20:45:06

youretoast I remember a time when those men would have shouted out 'you WOMAN' to footballers missing a goal.

angry I hate namers, there is no need to use someone's name 17 times in a sentence just because some name badged confidence trickster at a corporate away day told you it "creates that connection".
I hate management speak. Dovetail, upscale, throughput, fucking blue sky fucking thinking. No. Just no.

I have also recently berated a younger cousin for "yolo". What is wrong with "carpe diem"? Simple, elegant, encourages living life to the full, considering the transient and delicate nature of existence and savouring every possible experience.
Yolo on the other hand seems an excuse to transgress in such minor and prosaic ways:
I will have coffee instead of tea because yolo. I will wear my tie slightly unknotted because yolo. I will have the full fat coke because yolo. I will tweet the picture of my eyebrow because yolo.

Wow. That's some day seizing going on right there teenagers. Make sure you fill my entire Facebook thread with your asinine adventures angry.

And breathe. Breathe, breathe, breathe.

Sorry about that. Yolo annoys me quite a bit.

I agree with the person who said that your DH needs a sharp smack on the nose with a newspaper every time he uses "myself" instead of "me". If he starts using "yolo" you will simply have to cast him out.

lottiegarbanzo Tue 10-Dec-13 20:47:02

Yes, youretoastmildred, that is very true!

natwebb79 Tue 10-Dec-13 20:47:14

My DH did that too the other day before I put him right. Again, he'd not done it before. Do you think it's catching?!

limitedperiodonly Tue 10-Dec-13 20:49:42

I've never heard anyone say yolo.

I don't mix much with 20-somethings, for which I'm feeling profoundly grateful right now.

cafecito Tue 10-Dec-13 20:52:26

I'm a mature student

I am surrounded by people with YOLO on their cropped worn with hotpants and tights to GP placement t-shirts

PoshPaula Tue 10-Dec-13 20:52:38

littlegrey you hate management speak? So do you never 'helicopter out and look back down'? Someone said it at a meeting I was at very recently.....

Quangle Tue 10-Dec-13 20:55:50

It's totally cabin crew to me. Any beverage for yourself Madam?

Also have a friend who starts sentences "What it is is....."

Did you slap them Paula? Please tell me you slapped them; it is obviously what they were asking for.

I was once sagely advised to "maximise the throughput opportunities to maintain all your KPIs". I still don't know what that means. I have an A level in English Literature; I can parse classic texts for meaning all day long, I know what each individual word means (well, maybe not throughput) but those words in that order? I draw a complete blank confused

Shaky Tue 10-Dec-13 21:01:31

My sister puts "To be fair" before AND after every bloody sentence.

For example "To be fair, it was Friday and it was 6 o'clock, to be fair"

It drives me bloody bonkers angry

Waspie Tue 10-Dec-13 21:02:53

The new(ish) CEO of the company for which I, myself, work, addresses all company wide emails to "Team". This makes my teeth itch. I'd never realised that teeth could, like, really itch before. But he, sort of like, REALLY makes my teeth itch, you know what I mean? Gah....

DP gets stressed during the rugby highlights because Lawrence Dallaglio begins almost every sentence with "very much so...". I, myself, insist on watching the rugby highlights and have taken to saying "very much so" a very lot grin

DuchessFanny Tue 10-Dec-13 21:03:17

My DDad is ex military, so maybe that's where I get it from except he would probably add in some choice swear words to really make his point.

( he also uses 'tick' in the wrong context .. Probably )

SomewhereBeyondTheSea Tue 10-Dec-13 21:03:42

Thanks for the explanation. Clearly I don't socialise with the youth much. Maybe I should make more effort - hey, YOLO.....

(Did I do it right?????)

Waspie Tue 10-Dec-13 21:05:49

Shaky if your sister had said "To be fair, it was Friday and it was 6pm in the afternoon, to be fair" you would have been perfectly within your rights to thrash her with a cushion. It's the law.

PoshPaula Tue 10-Dec-13 21:09:32

I have managed to stop my DH saying 'not being funny but' by responding with "are you not being funny? I thought you were being funny. Are you not? Are you sure?" every single time he said it. He has stopped. Things are better. Working on the rest now.

DuchessFanny Tue 10-Dec-13 21:13:32

My SIL starts nearly every conversation with 'not being funny, but ..' paula Her DSis and DM do it too. Sometimes I worry how my DBro copes at family functions.

GoofyIsACow Tue 10-Dec-13 21:13:58

Truly bewlidered by an ex boss of mine suggesting we 'pick off the low hanging fruit'


PoshPaula Tue 10-Dec-13 21:14:35

It's such a meaningless stupid filler!!

CocktailQueen Tue 10-Dec-13 21:15:09

Poshpaula - love it! My bil used to say that and it drove me insane. No, you're not being funny, you twat.

I'd never heard of yolo. <old gimmer>

PoshPaula Tue 10-Dec-13 21:15:43

goofy that's hilarious!

PoshPaula Tue 10-Dec-13 21:19:00

cocktail I might try "No, you're not being funny, you're being f***ing irritating".

Ubik1 Tue 10-Dec-13 21:19:11

A call centre

Imagine having to work in one of those! shock

Quangle Tue 10-Dec-13 21:20:29

Also "Not being funny..." means "I'm just about to be rude " so always alarming to hear.

It's a less posh version of "with all due respect..." which means "I'm just about to be rude, poshly".

ShriekingGnawer Tue 10-Dec-13 21:32:44

I know someone who says 'I want to say...' all the fucking time. Well, why don't you just say it then? Oh, that's right, you are!

DH says 'good point, well made' rather a lot because I'm always right I always reply 'No it's not, I just said it, you twat'.

Ah yes. Reflexive pronounitis. Unfortunately, the condition is very difficult to cure and can be contagious. DS3's Reception teacher had a terrible case of it.

Allalonenow Tue 10-Dec-13 21:33:26

Much, much worse than all of these is having to remain polite to someone who does not know the difference between less and fewer.

ShriekingGnawer Tue 10-Dec-13 21:36:38

Allalonenow - just dont bother. They don't deserve you respect.

GoofyIsACow Tue 10-Dec-13 21:40:23

Allalone... I did notice the other day that Sainsburys have now got five items or fewer tills!

BiscuitMillionaire Tue 10-Dec-13 21:41:28

A manager I worked with used to say 'suck it and see'. As in, 'we'll just have to suck it and see'. It made me want to vomit. He was a prototype David Brent. But even sweatier.

nauticant Tue 10-Dec-13 21:42:48

We must be pacific here.

Not said in the context of international peace talks.

LifeofPo Tue 10-Dec-13 21:46:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WordOfTheDay Tue 10-Dec-13 21:48:14

Some of my colleagues end e-mails with "Best". Presumably, this is short for "Best regards". It doesn't make any sense to me to shorten "Best regards" to the adjective and not the noun. Have I understood this rightly? Is this prevalent? Where did it come from? Do you agree that it bizarre?

PoshPaula Tue 10-Dec-13 21:49:27

'Suck it and see' is up there, alongside 'We'll just have to suck it up' and the classic 'Pull your finger out'.

extracrunchy Tue 10-Dec-13 21:49:48

You need a water spray gun thing - squirt him every time till he stops. If he doesn't stop, progress to taser.

limitedperiodonly Tue 10-Dec-13 22:01:03

I went through a stage of ending emails with 'best' WordOfTheDay.

It was because I was sucking up to someone I was trying to get some work from who used to do the same.

It was needy but I'm in a much better place now and I've stopped it to the extent that often I leave no sign off at all. All right?

Actually I'm so well-adjusted that I don't give a shit whether you think it's all right or not. wink

nennypops Tue 10-Dec-13 22:28:35

I used to work with a manager who was a total wanker. One of the many aspects of his wankdom was his love of management speak, which he clearly thought made him sound big and clever. The only way to get through meetings with him without wanting to slit your throat was to play management bingo - we would choose a list of his ten favourite phrases and tick them off whenever he used them, the one with most ticks was exempt from buying a round at the pub afterwards. However, we had to give it up because he was getting suspicious about why people were laughing whenever he spoke, and the person who chose "across the piece" invariably won.

Ultimately a group of us found we could take it no longer and left. It came to light that he looked at all our emails, wasting fruitless hours trying to find something incriminating. However, what he did find were a number of emails taking the piss out of his management speak. Our ex-colleagues are eternally grateful to us, apparently they haven't heard "across the piece" since.

MardyBra Tue 10-Dec-13 22:59:01

ThreeBee I like the diagnosis of Reflexive pronounitis.

Unfortunately DH has been known to do some management speak too.

Maybe he could go on The Apprentice next year. There is surely a screening process in place to ensure that when Suralan says:
"Who was responsible for deciding to try and sell snow to the eskimos/wine at an AA meeting/Greggs to a bunch of MNers?", one of them will pipe up with "That was myself, Lord Sugar".

SchnitzelVonKrumm Tue 10-Dec-13 23:08:48

Have you tried reaching out to him, OP?

YoungBritishPissArtist Wed 11-Dec-13 05:55:49

I've just discovered this thread, can I touch base with yourselves?

DameEdnasBridesmaid Wed 11-Dec-13 07:26:41

nennypops did you work for a bank?

We used to do something similar, the winner would be the one who got the most Wank Speak phrases in during the meetings. I don't think they ever realised we were taking the piss.

kumamon Wed 11-Dec-13 09:55:28

Oh, my ex used to do the 'myself' 'yourselves' bullcrap too. Hence, he is now an ex.

I have a thing about East Coast train announcements, you get the classic "on behalf of myself, I would like to welcome you to the train" and also the exceptionally flowery "please ensure you uplift your belongings".

uplifts mug of tea

LCHammer Wed 11-Dec-13 10:52:34

Ooh, can I add a micro-rant about the word 'pressure'. Everything is a pressure. No, it's a cut - in money, staff, hours.

madoldbird Wed 11-Dec-13 11:07:37

My DH puts the word "old" infront of everything. E.g. "Did you see what old DS3 did?", "Just popping out to the old shops" etc.

Why? Why??

youretoastmildred Wed 11-Dec-13 12:02:33

he has even done it to you, madbird!

madoldbird Wed 11-Dec-13 12:21:57


TheBigJessie Wed 11-Dec-13 15:13:16

So that's what YOLO means. I'd tried to glean its meaning from context and had decided on

YOLO: an public admission that you are an immature drunken teenager about to do something stupid. Usually uttered to draw attention to your latest feat of daftness, in order to maximise the number of people who will comment "Total LAD" when you update facebook the next day to explain you were sick on an A&E nurse's foot.

TheBigJessie Wed 11-Dec-13 15:13:54

*a public admission.


peppinagiro Wed 11-Dec-13 16:15:19

Myself and my boss used to play that too nennypops! We were surrounded by awful management-speakers. We called it Bullshit Bingo.

OBitchery Wed 11-Dec-13 17:32:47

There's no point being polite to people with shit grammar and a clear affection for the double negative.

If they are tolerated they will go on to produce off-spring, and so the horror continues.

Kill them.

suegardener Wed 11-Dec-13 18:30:05

I think you've said it all in your 1st reference to him cos i always think DH stands for Dick Head

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 11-Dec-13 18:57:58

Eventually, after many years of reflexive pronoun use by my students in essays, I decided to do a special session on when to use 'you' and 'me' in writing and why using 'myself' does not make you sound more formal, polite or clever for my final year students. They write a lot of reflexive essays and I was getting really depressed about their refusal to use the word 'me'.

I like to think I'm doing my colleagues a favour, as well as everyone that the students will come into contact with in the course of their life outside the university.

I'm always really saddened to receive letters from my children's schools full of reflexive pronoun abuse. I hold my head and my hands and think 'you're supposed to be teaching children grammar...'.

MrsCharlesBrandon Wed 11-Dec-13 20:04:36

I had a boss who always used 'at the end of the day'. She once said it Nineteen times in a 45 minute team meeting! angry

She told me off for smirking while a colleague sat behind her and counted every single one. grin

MIL's favourite saying is 'and I mean, Is it me?' (complete with emphatic gesture) Yes MIL, most of the time it IS you because you're so flipping intolerant!

Defnotsupergirl Wed 11-Dec-13 23:54:21

Very rare I advocate slapping with a wet haddock, but this is one of those times. Get thyself to a fishmonger and explain your problem. Fishmonger, you can be assured will provide the requisite item to slap forthwith.

Greythorne Wed 11-Dec-13 23:59:36

The jargon I hate is 'piece'

As in:

Let's now move on to the consumer research piece. And then I'll update you on the interactive piece of the event which is being handled by an external vendor. Finally I suggest we park the customer insight piece until we get the results of the employee survey piece.

Just: what?

Lazysuzanne Thu 12-Dec-13 01:39:13

The myself/yourself problem, is it recent-ish?
I feel as if it's only been bugging me for about 2-3 years.

Rising inflection on the other had has been irritating me for a good 14 years or more.
Is rising inflection out of the remit of this thread?
(I expect 'remit' is a bad word to use blush )

KeatsiePie Thu 12-Dec-13 05:54:21

lottie what a terrific post. youre yes, completely; this "the incredible, blissful unselfconsciousness of men" is spot on.

I hope "remit"'s all right, I like it.

Back to the OP: this glazed-eyed indiscriminate use of "myself" has come into popularity b/c someone got up one day and taught absolutely everyone in the English-speaking world that the word "me" was never ever to be used, and now look -- people will say "fuck" in front of their bosses before they'll say "me." Whoever this person was, it is his fault that I spent years listening to colleagues in meetings say "and then they'll pass it to Tim and I for review," years clenching my teeth together to keep from hissing "^ME AND TIM, ME AND TIM, ME AND TIM YOU PRETENTIOUS FUCKERS^."

So what did this person have against the word "me"?? And why did everyone listen to him?

YoDiggity Thu 12-Dec-13 05:56:44

This would be a deal breaker for me.

EmilyAlice Thu 12-Dec-13 06:06:52

This thread has reminded me that I once worked with a pompous (female) deputy head who wrote in a report, " Some people find his behaviour difficult to manage, but I have to say he is not like that with myself".
I have obviously hated her for it for over thirty years.

skinoncustard Thu 12-Dec-13 06:32:43

All the twits that 'are' 'are going' or 'have been' on a journey!!!! No you bloody have not. 

TheBigJessie Thu 12-Dec-13 09:02:53

keatsie yes. What was so hard about teaching people how to use I and me, instead of telling them that some people overused me!

CalamitouslyWrong Thu 12-Dec-13 09:14:39

I think whoever it was that convinced everyone that 'me' was an unutterable word has a lot to answer for, Keatsie.

I see an awful lot of 'the meeting was attended by job title, job title, job title and myself'. I despair every single time. What do they imagine is wrong with 'me'? Abusing myself makes people sound like officious twats.

ReallyOverThis Thu 12-Dec-13 10:34:38

OP, YWNBU. This thread is all that is great about MN (loving the masterful analysis of "it is what it is" )

DP knows his reflexive pronouns, but he does have a few management consultancy type tendencies and his latest one is the over-use of "around" e.g. "What are we doing around getting your brother's birthday present?" "We need to think around what to have for dinner" "at work we're doing a project around reducing unauthorised absence".

I usually say " Around half past five dear? Yes, of course".

Lazysuzanne Thu 12-Dec-13 10:49:11

Re the avoidance of 'me'

Did it stem from reluctance to sound greedy or selfish?
As in 'it's all me me me'
'Myself' is used as an indirect, more polite alternative.

Except now it just sounds clichéd, pompous and frequently tautological!

It has become the hallmark of the person who pretends to be educated and sophisticated.

FoxyRevenger Thu 12-Dec-13 11:01:18

A colleague of mine was in a meeting where someone asked him "do you mind if I download my brain chatter?"


Lazysuzanne Thu 12-Dec-13 11:10:22

I prefer 'may I air my stream of consciousness ' grin

Yellowcake Thu 12-Dec-13 11:10:29

I think the technical term is linguistic 'over-correction' or 'hyper-correction'. You used to get it a lot in the misuse of "I" for "me". People had been told it wasn't correct to say "Me and Toby went to the pub', and it became a confused sense that 'I' was more grammatical than "me", whatever the position in the sentence, so there was a spread of people over-correcting to 'They invited Toby and I to the party'.

That distrust of "me" seems to have spread now, to the point where 'myself' replaces 'me' in all kinds of unsuitable places, especially when people are trying to sound formal, educated or impressive.

CalamitouslyWrong Thu 12-Dec-13 11:14:24

It is wonderfully ironic that the over-correction occurs when people try to sound more formal, educated or impressive.

YoDiggity Thu 12-Dec-13 13:15:34

This is one of my best thread titles ever. I like to see thread titles that sum up the madness ethos of MN, and this is one of them.

YoDiggity Thu 12-Dec-13 13:16:24

It's up there with 'AIBU to think I'm not middle class enough to eat Dorset Cereal?'

Manchesterhistorygirl Thu 12-Dec-13 13:44:04

I know how much mn despises clarkson, but this particular article of his is perfect for this thread.

Ladies I give you:

The Sunday Times January 22, 2006

The worst word in the language
Jeremy Clarkson
Wog. Spastic. Queer. N1gger. Dwarf. Cripple. Fatty. Gimp. Paki. Mick. Mong. Poof. Coon. Gyppo. You can’t really use these words any more and yet, strangely, it is perfectly acceptable for those in the travel and hotel industries to pepper their conversation with the word “beverage”.

There are several twee and unnecessary words in the English language. Tasty. Meal. Cuisine. Nourishing. And the biblically awful “gift”. I also have a biological aversion to the use of “home” instead of “house”. So if you were to ask me round to “your home for a nourishing bowl of pasta” I would almost certainly be sick on you.

But the worst word. The worst noise. The screech of Flo-Jo’s fingernails down the biggest blackboard in the world, the squeak of polystyrene on polystyrene, the cry of a baby when you’re hungover, is “beverage”.

Apparently they used to have “bever” days at Eton when extra beer was brought in for the boys. And this almost certainly comes from some obscure Latin expression that only Boris Johnson would understand.

Therein lies the problem. People who work on planes and in hotels have got it into their heads that the word beverage, with its Eton and Latin overtones, is somehow posh and therefore the right word to use when addressing a customer.

Now look. The customer in question is almost certainly a businessman, and the sort of businessmen who take scheduled planes around Europe and stay in business hotels are fairly low down the pecking order. You think they turn their phones on the instant the plane has landed because the Tokyo stock exchange is struggling to manage without them. No. The reason they turn them on so damn fast is to find out if they’ve been sacked.

Honestly, you don’t need to treat them like you’re on the set of Upstairs Downstairs. They do not spend their afternoons cutting the crusts off cucumber sandwiches. And they do not say grace before dinner. They’re called Steve and Dave and you know what they’re doing on their laptops in the departure lounge? Organising a backward hedge merger with GEC? Fraid not. They’re looking at some Hooters Swimsuit pictures from the internet.

For crying out loud, I’m middle class. I went to a school most people would call posh. But if I came home and said to my wife that I wanted a beverage, or asked her to pass the condiments, she’d punch me.

When I travel, I don’t need to be treated like Hyacinth Bucket. I want you to understand I speak like you do and that I’ll understand perfectly if you say there’s a kettle in my room. You don’t have to say there are “tea and coffee making facilities”.

And please, can you stop saying “at all” after every question. Can I take your coat at all? Would you care for lunch at all? Or, this week, on a flight back from Scandinavia, “Another beverage for yourself at all, sir?” What’s the matter with saying “Another drink?” And what’s with all the reflexive pronoun abuse? I’ve written about this before but it’s getting worse. Reflexive pronouns are used when the subject and the object of a sentence are the same person or thing. Like “I dress myself”. You cannot therefore say “please contact myself”. Because it makes you look like an imbecile.

If you send a letter to a client saying “my team and me look forward to meeting with yourself next Wednesday”, be prepared for some disappointment. Because if I were the client I’d come to your office all right. Then I’d stand on your desk and relieve myself.

I’m not a grammar freak — I can eat, shoot and then take it or leave it — but when someone says “myself” instead of “me” I find it more offensive than if they’d said “spastic wog”.

Before embarking on a sentence, work out first of all what’s the shortest way of saying it, not the longest. There seems to be a general sense that using more words than is strictly necessary is somehow polite. That’s almost certainly why, on another flight the other day, I was offered some “bread items”.

We see this most conspicuously in the catering industry, where I am regularly offered a “choice of both cheddar and brie”. No, wait. I’ve forgotten the pointless adjectives. I should have said a “choice of both flavoursome cheddar and creamy brie”.

“Are you ready to order at all, yourself, sir.” “Yes, I’ll have the hearty winter-warming soup and the nourishing bowl of pasta, topped with the delicious dew-picked tomatoes, thanks. And to follow, if yourself can manage it, a plate of gag-inducing, nostril-assaulting, bacteria-laced Stilton.”

It’s all rubbish. Why is a bowl of pasta more appealing than a plate of pasta? And why not simply say pasta? Because don’t worry, I’ll presume it’ll come on some form of crockery, in the same way that I’ll presume, if you put a kettle in my room, that you might have put some coffee granules in there as well.

I’ll leave you with the best example I know of this nonsense. It was a rack of papers in a hotel foyer over which there was a sign: “Newspapers for your reading pleasure”.

All they had left was The Guardian. So it wasn’t even technically correct.

Hissy Thu 12-Dec-13 13:56:18

Proper grin at this:

people will say "fuck" in front of their bosses before they'll say "me."

LineRunner Thu 12-Dec-13 16:21:17

“my team and me look forward to meeting with yourself next Wednesday”

Fuck off, Clarkson.

Lovelybitofsquirrel Thu 12-Dec-13 17:37:48

Talking of people taking things too far, my current bugbear, as a teacher, is pupils who are taught to say "may I" instead of "can I" and who then think that when asking me (myself?!) to do something for them that they shoud say "may you"! As in, "miss, may you pass me some paper?"!
Makes me twitch!

phantomnamechanger Thu 12-Dec-13 17:51:02

I also hate may I/can I - we had a teacher (about y4 in 1980) who when one boy asked "can I go to the toilet?" once said - "if you mean CAN you, I don't know, you'd need to ask a doctor, but if you mean MAY you, the answer is NO" the boy didn't get it and was, like (sorry!), "huh?" and some of us were POSL!

valiumredhead Thu 12-Dec-13 17:53:50

My Dh keeps using 'stroke,' it makes me want to do bodily harm. Seriously.

Beastofburden Thu 12-Dec-13 17:57:11

"As if he were" a estate agent, surely grin

Someone has probably said this already but it's a long thread...

lottiegarbanzo Thu 12-Dec-13 18:01:05

Oh, I know someone who writes 'please may you do this?' instead of 'please can you / could you / would you?'. It's odd. (Of course I may do it but whether I will or not is another question).

LCHammer Thu 12-Dec-13 18:01:37

That's a good article by JC.

valiumredhead Thu 12-Dec-13 18:24:20

My Dh would say 'can you stroke would you stroke could you?' Lottie

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone Thu 12-Dec-13 18:30:09

As someone who works in a call centre I'm offended. I have better grammar than many of my customers

'Stroke' is better than 'slash'.

"I think we should diarise that for Tuesday slash Wednesday."

Lazysuzanne Thu 12-Dec-13 19:24:54

I would say slash rather than stroke, or should one say oblique?

Then again I dont think I've ever felt the need to include that particular keyboard character in conversation.

Lazysuzanne Thu 12-Dec-13 19:28:01

I'm wondering if ' / ' should be counted as punctuation?
We dont say 'yes comma I will be free on Wednesday full stop' now do we confused

Most people don't name each punctuation mark as they are speaking, although I do know people who feel the need to sign inverted commas with their fingers.

lottiegarbanzo Thu 12-Dec-13 20:01:36

Well I can, valium's DH. Whether I want to or not... (unless he's a cat?!)

Though saying 'slash' is worse.

valiumredhead Thu 12-Dec-13 20:02:26

If he signed inverted commas I'd have to file for divorcewink

Good job I love him so muchgrin

Gah. The finger quotations.

A friend of mine once used these to describe her niece as being "quite bright" and "should go far" as if quite bright and should go far were peculiar phrases she had coined herself.

I let it go; this pains me still and it's been five years. We don't speak much any more which may well be for the best.

KeatsiePie Fri 13-Dec-13 01:42:32

Beast grin

"What was so hard about teaching people how to use I and me" -- I don't know! It is not that difficult! [muttermutter GIANT SIGH]

And yy to the irony of it. I feel like the me-avoidant misusers have created a little secret society around them though which is sometimes enjoyable -- I always look around the room to see who else is flinching so we can have a silent bond.

Why would anyone say either stroke or slash? Why not just say "or"? You know, the word that exists solely for the purpose of separating two choices?

ReallyOverThis Fri 13-Dec-13 02:44:34

There is a classic episode of Friends in which Joey repeatedly misuses air quotes. The joke is of course on Ross who uses them in all seriousness and gets immensely het up about their "abuse".

giraffesCantSledge Fri 13-Dec-13 03:35:43

My supervisor constantly uses my name - she even does it in reports n our meetings.

Giraffes, we discussed how you felt about x. You said, giraffes, that you felt fine about it. We then discussed how you would cope if you didn't feel fine about it, giraffes. Thank you for meeting with me today giraffes.

PoshPaula Fri 13-Dec-13 13:04:38

I'm having a good laugh about your post, giraffes. Thank you for this contribution, giraffes.

NewtRipley Fri 13-Dec-13 18:07:28

Another one I hate is the word (beloved of TV programmes ) is "a property" when referring to a house.

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