To give my one year old these breakfasts?

(35 Posts)
HopAndSkipAlong Tue 10-Dec-13 10:59:54

My ex is staying with us temporarily (on the sofa!) as he broke up with his girlfriend and needs to find somewhere to rent.

He doesn't see much of DD, a couple of hours 2-3 times a month usually, but we get on ok.
He seems to have decided he'd like an input, and along with a list of 'she needs to be washed with a flannel and water after meals not wetwipes', 'cows milk is better than breastmilk once they're toddlers, they need more energy once they're moving about' and how she's 'not learning anything when she's rear facing in the buggy', he's also had a moan about her having fruit and nut little wheetabix as part of yesterday's breakfast, and a 'cooked breakfast' (egg mushrooms tomato bread sausage and beans) today.

I can see his point, that they're not meant to have whole nuts, and that today's is fried, but the nuts are cut up tiny so I wouldn't see them as a choking hazard and it seems silly making a separate meal for her today when it's just one slightly 'unhealthy' meal. AIBU?

Alibabaandthe40nappies Tue 10-Dec-13 11:04:29


Those breakfasts are more than fine.

As is rear-facing in a buggy because it encourages language development.

As you are probably well aware, YANBU. Looks as if your one year old enjoys a great range of foods. And cows milk does not contain "more energy" than breastmilk. You knew that too, I think.

redskyatnight Tue 10-Dec-13 11:09:28

How old is DD?

TBH it sounds like you both have different parenting approaches. This is not a bad thing. It doesn't make your way wrong or right.

(I agree with him about flannel and water, baby wipes are very drying and can cause reactions with sensitive skin, plus much more environmentally friendly).

Imogenolivia Tue 10-Dec-13 11:11:19

yadnbu! He knows nothing and if he kept undermining me like that he'd be off the sofa!

HopAndSkipAlong Tue 10-Dec-13 11:16:43

Redsky she's 15 months, she doesn't have sensitive skin luckily.
I used a flannel when first weaning, I think this is where he's got the idea its 'right' from, but I really don't need the extra washing!

SaucyJack Tue 10-Dec-13 11:18:57

The way you are choosing to raise your child is fine. TBF tho, none of what he is proposing is bad either.

He just needs to butt out of your choices.

SkinnybitchWannabe Tue 10-Dec-13 11:19:36

If I were you he'd be out the door.

ElenorRigby Tue 10-Dec-13 11:20:22

The breakfasts are fine.
Letting an ex stay over and nitpick everything, hell would freeze over before Id let that happen.

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams Tue 10-Dec-13 11:20:39

Id just say "well, when you get your own home, and have DD over, you can do it your way, but its my house, my rules. You know where the door is if you dont like it"

bundaberg Tue 10-Dec-13 11:22:42

when he has her, does his mother have a lot of input? just wondering because some of those things sound like the kind of stuff my own mother says! lol

you could counter it by just saying "oh, what makes you think that?"

the breastmilk one for example is ridiculous because if he even attempted to "prove" that breastmilk provided less "energy" he'd fail miserably.

"why isn't she learning anything in the buggy? she can see out and talk to me"

"why isn't this breakfast good, it contains x,y,z and children need a balanced diet"

"why is a flannel better? this wipe does the job just as well"

Pobblewhohasnotoes Tue 10-Dec-13 11:23:05

YANBU. Is he trying to compensate for not being around much? I would not be letting him nitpick my parenting.

bundaberg Tue 10-Dec-13 11:23:10

that said, it's nice that he is actually taking an interest and seems to want what is best for her.

HettiePetal Tue 10-Dec-13 11:27:40

What a cheeky git.

He sees her 2/3 times a month, and now he's a childcare/nutritional expert?

OK - it's probably a good thing that he wants to get more involved, but he's going about it the wrong way.

The breakfasts & wet wipes sound fine to me.

mrsjay Tue 10-Dec-13 11:32:15

when is he moving out sounds like he is just being arsey over enthusiastic about the whole dad thing if he never sees her how does he know what she needs, ask him to spend his time looking for a new place and let you raise and feed your dd as you are doing,

MrsOakenshield Tue 10-Dec-13 11:32:43

breakfast is fine, though those weetabix will be quite high in sugar. Milk - he's talking nonsense.

Re the wipes, I just use a cloth which I chuck in with the towel wash each week - saves a bit of cash, and I think is slightly better for their skin - it's not a biggy, though.

If he's just there for a couple of days just nod and say hmm, then do or go back to what you want. What he's suggesting isn't actually bad for her, which is something!

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn Tue 10-Dec-13 11:35:44

Ask him why he thinks milk designed for cows is better for a human than milk designed specifically for a human.

ChairOfTheBored Tue 10-Dec-13 11:36:30

Not got so far as weaning in our householder yet, so claim no view on the breakfasts, but the rear facing buggy is actually preferable in terms of language development, as demonstrated in a number of studies.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn Tue 10-Dec-13 11:37:37

Mind you, why don't you put your feet up and let him get on with actually doing something rather than just commenting?

mrsjay Tue 10-Dec-13 11:41:50

for a small toddler like the \OP a front facing buggy is fine the get to look around them

arethereanyleftatall Tue 10-Dec-13 11:51:31

Aside from the breast milk, I agree with him. A flannel is better, and the breakfasts too salty, and I would agree forward facing is now more age appropriate. But, what you were doing isn't wrong either. I would continue to parent your way, and he can parent his way.

QueNoelle Tue 10-Dec-13 11:53:55

How's he getting on finding that place to rent? Does he need any help with it such as a huge boot up the arse?

revivingshower Tue 10-Dec-13 12:06:08

Op you can't let your x in and start criticizing you. He is there as a big favour. Tell him you won't have it. Tell him you have read plenty about childcare and talked to other mums and you are confident of what you are doing. You have been looking after her almost single handed so far and look how well and happy she is.
But it is good he wants to be involved more. Say what would really benefit her is time with her father. Get him to take over and look after her sometimes. Say to him that time one on one with dad will really help them bond and a future relationship with her dad is very helpful for her, much more so than what cereal she has for breakfast.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn Tue 10-Dec-13 12:08:48

A flannel isn't better it is simply different.

Hedgehog80 Tue 10-Dec-13 12:11:07

Sounds fine to me, my 1 y o has had far worse for breakfast ! You sound like you're doing a good job.

Fragrance free baby wipes are fine on even my dcs sensitive skin.

HopAndSkipAlong Tue 10-Dec-13 12:11:23

Doesn'tleftover, I wish. He doesn't seem to 'click' with DD for want of a better phrase, it's usually under 5 minutes at soft play before I get a phone call saying she's scared and I need to go back and sit with them, I didn't once and he left DD with a random mum and came out to the cafe to get me. Apparently it was to avoid carrying her screaming but she was happily playing when we got back...!
He's been here since Friday and I've lost count of the amount of times hes said 'she wants you' and got on with texting/watching tv.
Hopefully not long until he's gone, but he's not in contact with his family so not many other options. I had been hoping it would get him interacting more with DD.

Madlizzy Tue 10-Dec-13 12:21:55

Kick him out. You're not responsible for him and it's up to him to find somewhere to live, which is doesn't sound like he's particularly doing.

revivingshower Tue 10-Dec-13 12:22:09

I actually had this problem with dh when dd was little she was very clingy to me. In the end I had to go back to work (it was 3 hrs in the eve)and so he was forced to look after her. At first she did cry for me a lot but she then got used to him. They are very close now.

struggling100 Tue 10-Dec-13 12:23:43

I'm impressed that you can make and cook breakfasts like that with a one year old. Props to you, missus!

sutekidane Tue 10-Dec-13 12:24:33

Good god, you're bonkers letting him stay.

Topaz25 Tue 10-Dec-13 13:06:12

YANBU, it sounds like you have had to manage with your DD basically on your own so far and you are doing your ex a favour letting him crash on the sofa. It doesn't seem like he has his life together so he has no right criticise you! It's very easy for him to have ideas about nutritious and tasty breakfasts for a one year old when he isn't the one who has to make them every day! Tell him he can implement his ideas when he is looking after her and ask if he would like to do that more often. Doesn't he have any friends or family he can stay with?

Topaz25 Tue 10-Dec-13 13:11:14

Sorry I missed your follow up post. He is BVU if he won't help with DD but just criticises the way you do things! It probably stems from a lack of confidence but his parenting isn't going to improve without practice. It doesn't sound like his is making an effort, either with your daughter or finding somewhere to live! I suggest setting a time limit on his stay to motivate him to find alternative accommodation.

revivingshower Tue 10-Dec-13 13:22:58

I agree with the time limit.

specialsubject Tue 10-Dec-13 14:21:52

a bit cheeky - but fruit and nut weetabix are 23% simple sugars, most breakfast cereals are ridiculously sugary.

but it's hardly going to turn her into a blob as an occasional meal.

AnnieJanuary Tue 10-Dec-13 14:58:46

Show him the door! Why's he come crawling to you, doesn't he have parents or friends? Couldn't he have done what everyone else does and look for somewhere to rent whilst remaining in the old property? Or whatever it is people do when they don't have an ex to go to?

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